You get your hands on a monkey's paw. What are your 3 wishes?

>>17696229

Do you know nothing about the way monkey's paws grant wishes?

I make no wishes, and instead give it to my enemy.

>>17696229
A Turkey sandwich on Rye. BUT, the Rye bread has to be whole grain, the turkey must be just the right texture. No dryness, no overly wetness, just the right feel. The tomatoes aren't from some shitty garden, they're from Italy and they're fresh picked, with no pests and no chemicals on them. I would also like the cabbage/lettuce to be as green as the grass on the ground of any national park, which is to say, very very green and healthy looking. Mayonnaise, because I'm uncultured in mayo, is Hellmann's brand. I prefer Coney Island Mustard. Both of these condiments are unexpired and are fresh from the factory. I want the guacamole to be made from the freshest avacados. Finally, just as my preference, I would like 3 tan-colored hard-boiled egg halves inside the sandwich. These eggs are fresh, untainted by disease, and the chicken was joyful as they were laid.

Also, Immortality without disease, physically-induced death (such as if a wrecking ball were to fall on me), and as I lay severely injured, so long as a molecule of me stands, I regenerate to an even stronger, more resilient form. That, or I just regenerate to my regular self. Either way, Immortality with regeneration.

I would also like to be extremely wealthy to the point not where I own the world, but to where my hedonistic tendencies are sated.

My final wish is to have a genie that grants 3 more wishes. This genie would know full well into my mind and soul what I want condensed into 3 wishes. His power, sadly, is limited to those 3, however his power is unmatched in granting said 3 wishes.

>>17696316
SON OF A BITCH, I forgot to specify my sandwich more. Great, now the turkey is tainted.

>>17696318

You did not specify that you wanted to posses this sandwich. "A turkey sandwich," was your wish, not, "Give me a turkey sandwich." Exploiting this ambiguity, the monkey's paw turns you into the sandwich.

You are not a living thing, and so cannot die, or experience disease, etc.

You are not alive to have any hedonistic tendencies, therefore there are no tendencies which are not sated.

You only get three wishes. Your wish for the genie goes ungranted.

Nothing, because that shit always comes with a twist and there's no way of predicting how fucked it will be.

I throw it away and continue to enjoy my life as it is.

>>17696316
>Immortality with regenration
>Nothing to say you must be concious

Enjoy spending an eternity in some form of cryosleep.

>>17696229
>You get your hands on a monkey's paw. What are your 3 wishes?
Forget wishes. I'd hop on a plane to Moscow and give it to Vladimir Putin.

>>17696229
i would wish for the strength to accomplish my goals. if i wish for something, i wouldn't appreciate the value of it. i would rather struggle and create greatness and if i cant create greatness then i dont deserve to.

-An expensive house in San Fransisco
-Money
-Muh crush

inb4 why SF: I'd sell it. I'm not even American I just wanna make sure the monkey doesn't fuck me over.

>>17696229
> I wish to be omnipotent
> I wish to be omniscient
> I wish to be omnipresent

>>17696316
enjoy your stale bread