ITT: Ask the opposite gender anything

Should I keep my ex on social media even though I'm nc'ing her?

>add qt girl in class on Facebook
>we talked once, she hasn't been coming to class for like 3 weeks
>she accepts me on Facebook soon enough
>gets overly excited and emotional, sends me hearts and tells me crazy shit
>says I'm the only guy she knows in that class
>thinks she needs to see a psychiatrist
so she told me she'll attend next class for sure

but an hour before that class, she messaged me saying her cold got worse. Promised to attend the next class accompanied with "love" and a bunch of hearts.

So I replied to it with something like get well, but she didn't even read it.

Now I didn't go to the class that day so I can't tell if she came or not. I didn't tell her I wasn't going to class that day. I'm reluctant to contact her again on Facebook, since she didn't even read my last message. What do I do here?

Females, what is it like when guys want to have sex with you? How can you tell? How does it make you feel?

Men, how do you act or feel when you spend time with someone you really want to fuck? What do you do?

I'm a very autistic female and it's hard for me to understand what it's like to be sexually desired. Please explain it to me.

>>17695774
Why would you? If you're worried she'll cause a stink with mutual friends, I'd at least just set her to hidden feed.

>>17695779
>Men, how do you act or feel when you spend time with someone you really want to fuck? What do you do?
I don't really do casual sex. If I was interested in her, I'd ask her out. Otherwise I'd just continue forward as normal, it's not very hard to separate the fact she's sexually attractive but also a decent friend.

>>17695774
>patronizing social media
anon pls

>>17695791
How would you ask them out?

Even if you aren't interested in casual sex with her, would you notice if she was wearing lewd things, would you look at her body, etc?

>>17695808
>How would you ask them out?
Varies. Coffee is a common and relatively safe thing. I'm not the guy to talk to for success with women though.

>would you notice if she was wearing lewd things, would you look at her body, etc?
Sure. I'm going to avoid making it blatant though.

>>17695821
Pretty much this. I try not to act any different around someone I desire but it's not always easy since naturally I want to avoid any faux-pas so I don't say very much typically.

Is only having one photo on Tinder a massive turn off? I have been getting shit for matches and I am not really sure why.

I really like this girl at my work, but i think she likes this other guy too. How can I really tell if she likes me likes me or not.

females: do you ever get jealous of guys for being... guys?

i know women who playfully and sometimes gossip about how us guys have it easy aka no periods, "don't have to" wear make up, hair is easier to manage, etc.

completely opinion-based but do you girls feel this way at all?

Hey girls
You like it when guys approach you right? And tell you that they like the way you look.

But not stuttering and looking somewhere else like a loser, but with deep voice and look to the eye.

>>17695903
don't put her on a pedestal and treat her equally. i mean equally as in we are all equal, males and females. if she wants special treatment in order to be satisfied then she will lean towards the other guy. if she really likes you and not him, then his special treatment won't do anything for her in a romantic sense. she will come to you and give you signs. don't date girls who seek this kind of stuff from a bunch of guys. these are wannabe-whores. only way to find out is to lay back and let her do her thing. patience is a virtue.

>>17695777
Just send another message anon. She will be happy to hear from you because she seems like shy girl

>>17695920
I wont put her on a pedestal. Is just that lately shes been on my mind a lot(we even worked together and talked a lot today, shes really fun). I feel she does like me but it might be just my wishful thinking. Either way, thankz based anon.

>>17695911
as a guy I feel bad for girls

shit must suckkkkk

outside of you know having dudes throw themselves at you and picking the best one

>>17695928
could be. but a lot of girls give off false signals and they don't even realize it themselves. a lot of girls also seek out mutual guy friends. some of those guy friends may be future fucks/dates others are simply forever friends to them. either way i'd stick to what you're doing, just chilling and not putting her on a pedestal.

>>17695933
the thing with this logic is that girls wait for the guys to role play as the initiator. it's a princess mentality. some girls go through life without ever hitting on a guy and going through a series of bad relationships expecting everyone to read their minds 100% of the time.

>>17695911
>no periods
Easy since birth control stops them or reduces the severity of them
>"don't have to" wear make up
Honestly no makeup is vastly preferred by most guys unless it's really necessary to hide something.
>hair is easier to manage
Cut it shorter or don't spend hours on it. Plenty of guys have long ass hair and manage fine.

As a woman I hate that so many women bitch so much about everything but I guess it's our nature.

>>17695940
i just see it as them kind of competing against guys in harmless ways in order to flock up and feel better about their circumstances.

i had a girl i know complain to me once telling me guys don't have problems and that i'm lucky i'm a guy. i told her yes we do. she nonchalantly asked what then. i just didn't say anything and walked away.

i just see this attitude/logic as no matter what i say she will try and counter it before even meditating on it.

>>17695938
Ok. But how do the fuck do i take her outta my mind?

>>17695952
hang with the boys.
do solo activities such as working out, skateboarding, basketball, whatever you do.
constantly study something, research things, etc.

basically improve yourself so that you become the focus. her importance and presence will naturally be lessened because you won't need her interaction/attention or even need to look at her as often than before.

How do you know you're in love? And it's not only infatuation?

>>17695779
I had a hard time getting clues about guys interest for most of my life, to the point that a guy I had a crush on for 4 years asked me out and I laughed at his face thinking it was a joke. And it took me months to realise he was serious and I crushed his self confidence forever.

Anyway, social retardation aside.
Guys who want to fuck me usually are either very nice to me (constantly complimenting, constantly doing things for me) or very cocky/argumentative (teasing me). In general if a guy talks to me every time he can, treats me differently from everyone else or finds excuses to be with me, I assume he wants to fuck. Unless he is in a long term relationship, or gay, or something.

It makes me feel good. Being wanted is addictive.

>>17695779
It's hard to say, you can just tell. Not always of course, but there are occasions where there's no doubt. When someone is talking to you they are typically really into you. Visibly flustered, having some trace of a smile at their face at all times, sitting close to you and gladly bending closer because they can't hear... if they are tipsy and/or more shameless in general they'll look you up and down a bit, that's a grand feeling, sensing so vividly that someone's approving what they see from you.

Sometimes when I am walking somewhere I lock eyes with a man and just know. It is something in the completeness with which they look at you, not distracted or hurried or annoyed but just really taking you in. And stuff like not caring whether they might look silly, snapping their head around to still get a glimpse of you even though it's obvious, or continuing to look at you even if a friend is trying to draw his attention.

But it can take many different shapes and forms, that's one thing I've definitely had to learn. One of the first guys who fell in love with me did not want to be around me much at all, for example, and was not touchy or anything. (And I didn't have a boyfriend or something that would've made it painful, he was just shy or uncomfortable with his feelings, I don't know.) People respond differently to these things. In my experience it is also typically older men who are really good a displaying their attraction in a hot way. Young guys are too busy with looking indifferent and cool to really flirt well. Some of them are just awfully pushy, throwing you trite compliments or talking to you like you're a NPC on a side quest instead of another person with their own thoughts and life going on.

If you're with a man who has sex with you and isn't shy about showing that he loves that, it's bliss. There's a warmth in their eyes and this sort of baffled look of joy when you do things for them that impress them or feel particularly good.

>>17695912
Not really.
Unless I am in some sort of social activity, I don't want to be approached. A random dude who hits on me while I am late for class is just annoying.
Compliments on my looks are a cringey approach. It makes me feel like the other person isn't interested in me but just in my body, which is kind of depressing.

>>17696054
Wanted to wrap it up by saying that as a rule of thumb, I would notice him doing things for you (even if it's just showing up around you) without an obvious explanation. If you go "huh... why did he do/remember/bother to say that?" there should be a little alarm going off to see if he might be interested in you. There are many forms of flirting, from a sweet, shy smile to a dashing insult in public, and it is hard to immediately recognize all of them as having this kind of tension, but what they overall have in common is that someone is going out of their way for you. Hope this helps a little.

>>17695911
Yeah!!! But mostly for never getting the experience. Not because I think that overall it's a better ride. Although I do have to say that it sometimes also makes me extra sad to not be a man because it feels like the most "traditional" way to live life to me. Because men are so much more often the point of view/narrator of our stories, especially if you go back to historical/mythological ones. There's something about the whole narrative of the man who saves the (his?) world and gets the girl that just goes a long way. Sometimes it sucks feeling like you have only one lifetime and get to do an alternative track so to speak.

It doesn't help that I often feel like men find things to do with women boring and uncool. Think of the phrase "[example] isn't just for women!" and what do you think of? A woman arguing that her hobby isn't uncool enough for men. Think of the phrase "[example] isn't just for men!" and you think of a woman arguing that she's not too uncool to be one of the guys and do what they do.
That's honestly what is most disappointing to me. That I sometimes feel like men just look down on the lives women lead and the things women do by definition. Hell, I even notice it within myself and other girls.

But having said that, being a woman is pretty sweet, I think I've been more in luck in my country and time period to have been born a woman than a man all things considered. And all those things you mention have upsides too, women have much more options to express individual style, it's much easier to wow a crowd even as a woman who's not naturally stunning, and if you're dressing up it is expected that all eyes will be on the woman and the man is her boring suited counterpart. It's personal preference whether you care more about that side or the hassle but I wouldn't call it negative and I don't think those girls are too serious.

>>17696054
>In my experience it is also typically older men who are really good a displaying their attraction in a hot way.

examples?

>>17696054
>In my experience it is also typically older men who are really good a displaying their attraction in a hot way. Young guys are too busy with looking indifferent and cool to really flirt well. Some of them are just awfully pushy, throwing you trite compliments or talking to you like you're a NPC on a side quest instead of another person with their own thoughts and life going on.
This is so true.
I never met someone under the age of 25 who was able to make me feel horny just talking to me.

>>17696079
Obviously this is just anecdotal and I don't want to shit on young guys who are trying to do their best and already burdened with the expectation of initiating. But 9/10 times when a strange guy approaches me in public. he does his whole spiel. You can tell he rehearsed his lines, he talks to me like I'm not standing right in front of him ("I saw you smile like that and thought, wow, I'd like some of that" -> literal quote of last week), he asks all the token questions about what I study and what my hobbies are, but when I supply information he just goes "a-ha" "okay" and it's obvious that he is at least too nervous to presently give much of a fuck about who I am beyond a girl he found attractive and non-threatening enough.

Older men are different because they are typically married, even more typically not seriously interested in being with someone my age, and either way too mature and caught up with other shit in life to feel bad because some random young girl wasn't up for talking to them. So they are much more natural. They'll come up to you and say hi, in order to actually talk to you, make you smile, tease you a bit, just brighten each other's day. They know when to make eye contact and when to observe something about the way you groomed or are sitting/walking that shows that they are seeing you for who you are.

I guess it mostly has to do with not being intimidated. Another example would be that if I wear something striking, guys my own age (provided they're not drunk and don't know me) either make sure to 100% ignore, say, my legs, or they stare at it like they're a rare religious sight and not part of some other person. Whereas older men are more likely to use it to make (brief) contact with you, like shaking their head and giving you that "well that's just naughty" smile.

Having said that I look and dress relatively innocent (no make up, no real cleavage etc) and I think this also helps me weed out the most obnoxious people from any group.

>>17696086
Want my number? I'd like to show you otherwise.
This is some sort of complex woken have thinking that older men actually care about a woman's wellbeing.

Childish, malleable women.

>>17696092
Not sure if you realize it but yeah, people typically become less selfish and more empathetic as they age, all around.

>>17696092
Found the underage butthurt. Shes right, son. Deal with the facts.

>>17696097
I don't necessarily disagree but the claim that women and men don't develop on the same mental level in the same period of time is narcissistic and incredibly foolish.
Nervousness doesn't equate being inept or unable to communicate.

>>17696098
Right, because an 18 year old woman and 25 man has so much in common and are on the same mental level and can relate to each other and maintain a quality of relatable conversation?

Its all a complex. Older men know how to mold a young woman's malleable mind for sex.

how do i figure out if a girl is a slut or just easy going? i'm not gonna be the guy who asks for her "number".

>older men are so mature
>I'm so mature
>boys are so immature

Holy narcissism

>>17696102
Nothing was said about how women develop compared to men. Young women are awkward and insecure as well, they are just not expected to pull off higher level social interaction like seducing someone out of nowhere.

>Nervousness doesn't equate being inept or unable to communicate.
It doesn't, but it can absolutely stand in the way of communicating sincere interest in who someone is. More importantly, flirting is like verbal dancing, you are reacting to each other and challenging and teasing each other, or just showing admiration and curiosity. If you are distracted from that because you are busier thinking about what you look like than you are thinking about her, that absolutely comes across as rude because it feels like someone just registers you as "a woman" they can have a shot with.

Basically, it is a skill in its own right to show sexually charged interest without coming across like that's all you want, care and think about.

>>17696107
Stop projecting, no one claimed that young girls have the world figured out, only that men who are more experienced and secure are better at flirting. That's hardly surprising. Older women are also typically much better at flirting than girls.

>>17696102
Right. Just because a girl told you how things work and you getting butthurt about it, isn't going to change reality. Older men have real problems, fratty. We have family, bills, etc. Etc.
You kids only worry about booze and yolo. Stop getting butthurt. Best advice.

>>17696092
I don't think a stranger who approaches me at a bar wants to marry me, provide for me and give me kids. It's not really about my wellbeing. It's more about the way they treat me.
When a young guy approaches me I get a compliment about my looks or a lame pick up line, and they kinda expect me to be on my knees sucking their dicks already. There is no building up, no tension, no flirting or anything. It's like they feel entitled to fuck me just because they talked to me. I am not a real person, I'm just a hole with a body attached. It feels like talking to me or getting to know me is just a bother, because after all he just needs to get off.
When an older guy approaches me he spends time talking to me. I know he's talking to me just because I'm 23 and my tits are perky and my butt is round, but I fucking love that he doesn't feel any need to point it out. He teases me, jokes with me, make me smile a bit, and then eventually compliments me. He makes me feel like I am a person.

Sure, I might have been unlucky with younger guys, but I really noticed that there's a huge difference when someone 5-10 years older than me approaches me and when someone around my age does. And I definitely prefer older guys.

>>17696108
>Nothing was said about how women develop compared to men.
Heavily implied.
>Young women are awkward and insecure as well, they are just not expected to pull off higher level social interaction like seducing someone out of nowhere.
Okay. Fair.
>>Nervousness doesn't equate being inept or unable to communicate.
>It doesn't, but it can absolutely stand in the way of communicating sincere interest in who someone is.
It's all development. Relationships build off a foundation. You can't kick of a relationship of any kind like a fairy tail fantasy.
>More importantly, flirting is like verbal dancing, you are reacting to each other and challenging and teasing each other, or just showing admiration and curiosity. If you are distracted from that because you are busier thinking about what you look like than you are thinking about her, that absolutely comes across as rude because it feels like someone just registers you as "a woman" they can have a shot with. I don't believe younger men are like this. There are so many variations and differences between people. This may happen but this definitely is not the norm.
>Basically, it is a skill in its own right to show sexually charged interest without coming across like that's all you want, care and think about.
But that's not relevant to age. Experience and knowledge is necessarily synonymous with age.

>>17696112
>Right. Just because a girl told you how things work and you getting butthurt about it,
Some sort of projection???
>isn't going to change reality. Older men have real problems, fratty. We have family, bills, etc. Etc.
Independence can occur at any age, all depends on background, environment and upbringing. Just because you're 25 that doesn't mean anything to life style you live.
I don't see how a teenage woman could relate to an adult man, especially if this was the case.
>You kids only worry about booze and yolo. Stop getting butthurt. Best advice.
Another projection? This is extremely individualised.

>>17696118
This is individualised. There are decent men in every age group.
I appreciate this is your experience with younger men and that may represent men you've grown up with.

However when you're trying to generalise men as a whole this just doesn't work.

>>17696125
>no you
Seriously, son. Stop getting butthurt about how things work in life.

>>17696130
>Seriously, son. Stop getting butthurt about how things work in life.
White knight or undiagnosed female autism?

>>17696133
I'd say the latter, seeing how you keep getting butthurt about such petty things.

>>17696125
Heavily implied where? Because I was the initial poster who commented that older men are typically more fun to get flirty attention of, and I don't remotely think much more highly of the average social skills of girls my age let alone younger.

>You can't kick of a relationship of any kind like a fairy tail fantasy
No, and I'm not saying that it matters to me a whole lot whether someone can verbally sweep me off my feet right away. I have been seriously involved with one man in my life, he was my own age age and he was not smooth with flirting (until he got comfortable) and it didn't matter one bit because I liked him. But I was talking about the situation of having a stranger trying to seduce you.

>I don't believe younger men are like this. There are so many variations and differences between people.
There are, but if you're talking about the people who will walk up to a stranger and ask for her number you're already not talking about an objective sample size anymore. As I detailed in >>17696090, take that first guy: I am 100% confident that he was not trying to make me feel like that. He was nervous, he was a nice guy in the genuine sense of obviously wanting to be respectful (while being alpha)... but it did build up to me telling him what my passions were and him not batting an eye and struggling for a new question. See what I mean? Yeah I can rationally understand that he's just a bit cramped up, but it's a huge turn off to for the first time relay something personal about yourself to a stranger and have them not acknowledge it in any way. Someone more calm would've immediately cashed in on the personal info.

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>>17696092
I think it's not really "age" that makes someone "hot" like some anons here try to tell themselves, it's just physical appearance, good looking guys go after good looking girls, how do the less good looking girls explain that only older men hit on them? which group would likely spend time on 4chan giving opinions?

There you have it. Really not worth arguing about...let people believe what they want to believe, this place is like their sanctuary from reality.

>>17696137

>Experience and knowledge is necessarily synonymous with age.
Yes but there is also a difference in kind of experience. A guy my age who has had thirty one night stands is "experienced", but he's experienced in picking up drunk girls and then pumping and dumping them. That's not the same as having had enough good relationships to really understand that women are no less human than you are (and yes, there absolutely are plenty of young guys who do NOT believe that) and don't want to be approached as anything but a fellow person.

That, and aging tends to soften people because they put things in perspective more. They spent their youth angry at people who they thought little of and then they look back on how they behaved as a teen/adolescent and realize they did similar things and have similar blind spots. That is is not impossible to have those qualities as a younger person does not mean that they are easy to find.

And again, I have never even dated an older man, I have my own reasons to not be enthusiastic about that prospect. I was just talking about flirting which is something most people have to learn, not just in terms of technique but also intuition and the level of being at ease with yourself to not apologize for being attracted to someone.

>>17696142
And yet. Here you are. Ironic, isnt it?

>>17696129
I never said that everyone under 25 shouldn't be allowed to fuck, I said that I haven't met a younger guy who was able to turn me on just by talking to me.
I fell for a younger guy when I was younger - I was 16, he was 19; we dated for years. He was absolutely horrible at flirting. We got close as friends and then fell for each other.
Any younger guy who approached me through the years was absolutely fucking horrible at flirting. They treated me like a hole with a body attached, I never felt like they were interested in me as a human being, they never tried to seduce me - they either put me on a pedestal or just rushed so much.
On the other end guys who are over 25 tend to be more into seducing me and getting to know me as a person than just fucking me. They clearly do flirt, they clearly want my body, but I feel like they understand that I want to be treated like a human being.

>>17696137
The implication was that older men are somehow more relatable to younger women and can communicate on the same level. Which is narcissistic claim.

Your second paragraph only really reinforces my claim.
Perhaps wanna expand on what your point was.

>There are, but if you're talking about the people who will walk up to a stranger and ask for her number you're already not talking about an objective sample size anymore.
Fair. But these men aren't representative of the average man or an age group. You're just looking at group of men wanting to hook-up, which of course will give you a negative impression of "men".
>As I detailed in >>17696090, take that first guy: I am 100% confident that he was not trying to make me feel like that. He was nervous, he was a nice guy in the genuine sense of obviously wanting to be respectful (while being alpha)... but it did build up to me telling him what my passions were and him not batting an eye and struggling for a new question. See what I mean? Yeah I can rationally understand that he's just a bit cramped up, but it's a huge turn off to for the first time relay something personal about yourself to a stranger and have them not acknowledge it in any way.
I understand. It's not nice and you really should just end the conversation if you're unengaged. I offered my phone number to make a statement that it's all down to personality. I'm 18 and I find it not only enjoyable but easy to engage a woman on an individual level, listen and respond appropriately to what she has to say. I appreciate the company of speaking to another human.
I'm an individual and I only show diversity. I don't represent anything, just like that man you spoke to.

>Someone more calm would've immediately cashed in on the personal info.
Sure. I don't see how that's synonymous to mid twenties men.

>>17696142
We're talking about the different approach of older and younger men. Clearly we experienced both.

Not saying that I am a Victoria Secret model that lurks on adv between a photoshoot and a party, but honestly I never had problems getting guys' attention.

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So I'm really close to this girl and even told each other we like each others' company. However, whenever I bring the topic of dating forward she keeps saying that "there are better girls out there for me" and stuff about how she's not worth it. As you can see she has poor self esteem but despite all of that we still talk every night. We're practically close enough but not on paper.

So my question is should I continue to pursue her or have just fallen into the "gay bestfriend" zone?

>>17696156
I felt that I'd been pretty clear implying that the main difference is lack of nerves/self-consciousness. "Young guys are too busy with looking indifferent and cool to really flirt well."
Obviously young men relate to young women in lots of ways and typically end up being couples. You are in a similar stage in life and dealing with similar questions. That is not comparable to someone older remembering what it was like to be in that stage of life. But that doesn't mean you can communicate that feeling very well right off the bat, especially if you are so intimidated by women that you see them more as elusive fair sex members than as your peers.

I don't have a negative impression of men. My anecdotal observation is that young guys who try to hit on me have no clue how to verbally turn a girl on or make them open up more towards them. That is a very specific situation and a very specific activity. Ability to flirt well is fun but also not really the most telling thing about your worth as a person, either. I only pointed it out within the context of "what does it feel like when a man desires you" - that flirting -can- feel like someone desires you and can be exciting and even arousing, but oftentimes isn't because it's not done well.

And I have experienced a young guy doing it once or twice. It is just an exception among them, when it isn't for men in higher age categories. If you can pull it off, be happy, you will stand out among others your age.

Not synonymous, there's just a better chance. It's like with sex skills or anything else - can someone young be really great at it? Yeah, sure. Is the chance that they become better at and that older people with more experience typically do better at it high? Well, yeah, of course! And isn't that good, isn't it a reassuring idea that at least once your physical aspects etc falter you become sharper and more engaging and observant in other ways?

>>17696153
>I never said that everyone under 25 shouldn't be allowed to fuck,
Never did I imply that you said that.
>I said that I haven't met a younger guy who was able to turn me on just by talking to me.
That's a shame, but purely anecdotal.

>I fell for a younger guy when I was younger - I was 16, he was 19; we dated for years.
Did you mean older guy? Otherwise that's a contradiction. I'm 18 and in no way do I relate to 16 year old girls. I don't see how a 19 year old possibly could

>He was absolutely horrible at flirting. We got close as friends and then fell for each other.
>Any younger guy who approached me through the years was absolutely fucking horrible at flirting. They treated me like a hole with a body attached, I never felt like they were interested in me as a human being
Very very unfortunate. Assuming you didn't have this negative connotation beforehand, which mag have skewed your perception, then that is purely misfortune and anecdotal.

>they never tried to seduce me - they either put me on a pedestal or just rushed so much.
>On the other end guys who are over 25 tend to be more into seducing me and getting to know me as a person than just fucking me.
>They clearly do flirt, they clearly want my body, but I feel like they understand that I want to be treated like a human being.
This is down to an individual basis. You don't hit some arbitrary age and then wake up one day able to communicate with other people on a meaningful level.
Sounds to me like they just got smarter on how to get a woman into bed.

Empathy doesn't come with age, it comes with knowledge. Once I learned what empathy was I've actively tried to be empathetic towards other people.

I do understand that you've had poor experiences, but it's worth treating people you meet as an individual.

I admit I am hypocritical because I do the same thing with immigrants lel

Can someone explain to me why people say shit like "he just wanted sex" when a guy asks a friend out, gets rejected, and gets some space to move on?

Like if you've ever been in a relationship you know it's more than just friendship+sex, so I don't get it. Are they just spouting shit because they're angry?

>>17696173
Yeah, pretty much. It's easier and more gratifying to go with "I was blindsided with losing this friend because he was a sex-driven asshole who pretended to be my friend" than to frankly acknowledge that it was an unfortunate combination of circumstances that didn't allow for any winners. Pretty similar to how people often wind up hating their ex even if the break up was amicable.

>>17696164
This reads more like a conclusion than a counter argument. There isn't anything significant left worth attacking.

Seems like we agree???

>>17696177
>an unfortunate combination of circumstances that didn't allow for any winners.
That's always been my kind of perspective. It's always just sort of bugged me it's such a widespread sentiment but the alternative is what, have the other guy hang around, pretend everything is ok, and just nod and smile while she goes on and dates other people?

Like yeah the guy can be an asshole in the process which I'm all for criticizing but I just can't wrap my head around how wanting some space is so vilified.

To women:
Would you rather date someone close to you already, i.e a good friend, or get to know someone through various activities first?

>>17696181
I never really disagreed with you to begin with, just felt that you misinterpreted my argument as me saying that older men were somehow superior or had many qualities that young men didn't. Which I in no way meant to imply just by saying they know how to pull off flirting better.

So yeah, sure.

>>17696187
I think it's partly to do with it being kind of embarrassing (even if there's no rational reason for that) to need some space to work through your feelings. This also makes it harder for the vilified person to hit back and make it clear that no, they didn't exactly care too little about the person. In some cases I feel that guys are also not communicative about it - aka they give the date idea a shot, then when she says no he ghosts her. That's quite understandable but can be misconstrued as "he was just hanging around me hoping to get laid". Explicitly mentioning, hey, I'm actually in love with you and need some time/space away from you... clears that one up but is painful and potentially humiliating, depending on the person.

>>17696166
>Did you mean older guy?
Younger than 25.
I love how you assume that age matters in my first relationship here
>I'm 18 and in no way do I relate to 16 year old girls. I don't see how a 19 year old possibly could
and then proceed to tell me how age shouldn't matter three lines later.
Kind of hypocritical.

>Sounds to me like they just got smarter on how to get a woman into bed.
Which is kind of what flirting is about, right?

>Empathy doesn't come with age, it comes with knowledge. Once I learned what empathy was I've actively tried to be empathetic towards other people.
People don't take empathy and flirting classes. People learn that through experience, and experience is greatly dependent on age.

>>17696188
Prefer to date someone I got to know as a prospective date. The dating a friend is nice in theory, but in practice there's reasons why I don't date my male friends, and we've been friends for so long that suddenly wanting to change that dynamic would make things weird and create uncomfortable situations.

Had I been a few years younger then my strategy would've been to befriend the guy I was interested in. Nowadays I would not want to be friends with a man I was in love with myself, either.

>>17696194
>>Did you mean older guy?
>Younger than 25.
>I love how you assume that age matters in my first relationship here
Why state it?? What the hell are you about?
>>I'm 18 and in no way do I relate to 16 year old girls. I don't see how a 19 year old possibly could
>and then proceed to tell me how age shouldn't matter three lines later.
Again, what are you on? I never implied that. Age very much does matter in relationships.
>Kind of hypocritical.
>>Sounds to me like they just got smarter on how to get a woman into bed.
>Which is kind of what flirting is about, right?
What's the point of this counter claim, what's its significance?
>>Empathy doesn't come with age, it comes with knowledge. Once I learned what empathy was I've actively tried to be empathetic towards other people.
>People don't take empathy and flirting classes. People learn that through experience, and experience is greatly dependent on age.
It's not necessarily synonymous. People learn and development in their own time. Some sooner than others. Some not at all.

Not all 25 year olds are matured
Not all 18 year olds are immature

E.t.c

>>17696188
I'd have a very hard time dating a friend, honestly.
I used to date my friends, but I changed my mind about this a lot growing up - partially because there are definitely less people I call friends and I definitely wouldn't date any of them, and partially because I need to feel a strong sexual attraction with people I date and sexual chemistry is usually something instantaneous, that I feel early on.
I like when there is a strong lust and attraction between me and my partner, and at the same time we develop a strong bond and friendship over time.

I wonder, are there any females that kind of ... become a little more reserved when talking to other guys while being in a serious relationship?
I don't mean that they stop talking to them or are really cold when they meet them, but just generally doing less of these testing-water kind of interactions - where you joke around a lot, make fun of each other, etc..
I know that 90% of both male and female do these regardless of them being in a LTR or not - they add people of the other gender to their phones, are really chatty with them etc. pp.
I just wonder if there actually are any people like me that do not and also would be irritated by their partner doing it.

>>17696203
It sounds to me like you didn't really get the point we were making, and keep insisting that "it's all a matter of individuals" when neither me or the other girl ever said anything different.
Sure, there will be an exceptional 18 year old who knows how to flirt amazingly, and there will be a 30 year old who is terrible at flirting, but me and the other girl were saying that, in our experience, normally, older guys are better than younger guys at flirting and it's probably because they have more experience at this. We were pointing out how treatment was different.
That's just it. It's not like I shoot down any guy who is under 25 because he's under 25, just in my experience no guy under 25 has ever been good at seducing me.

>>17696227
kys

>>17696224
I'm sure they exist but my experience is that part of the reason why people tend to do this is because they share so much with someone, such intimacy and feelings etc, that joking around a bit with a colleague feels like absolutely nothing in comparison. I feel like this is also partly why taken girls/guys can seem more welcoming, because they are happy in their relationship so they don't overanalyze their interactions with the opposite sex, it kind of goes over their head that someone else could still read more into it.

There are absolutely people who can't stand their partner flirting with someone else, that much I do know. I just think it's not the most common stance also because obviously most people who are happily in love feel that their relationship is rock solid, and would resent the implication that them interacting with other (wo)men would in any way be a liability.

I'm seeing a girl and we fuck on the reg but I wanna get her into more dirty things. Specifically, I want to get a blowjob from her in a semi public setting (not where people can just see us but in a restaurant bathroom or while driving or something). How do I introduce her to stuff like this? I don't want her to think I'm a freak, I just have a public fetish.

>>17696228
>thread to ask women for their opinions/life experiences
>tell someone to kill herself for noting a positive observation about a group of men they're not (YET!) part of

Great.

>>17696224
You have a strong misconception of reality. Most people I know do not seek attentions or "test waters" if they are in a happy, long term relationship already.
Anyway joking around or talking to a person of the opposite gender doesn't necessarily mean that you're flirting with them.
I made male friends while being in a long term, and we're just friends. We joke around, talk a lot, make fun of each other but I do the same with girls and with guys.
It's completely different from the kind of attention I give (and get) from my partner, but it's excessive to ask to your partner to not interact with any male just because they are with you.

>>17696211
I've recently come in contact with a particular female who is a friend of a friend, we're not that close but we have some mutual interests. How do I actually go about asking her out? What do women like in this situation? Beat around the bush when asking or be as direct as possible?

>>17696235
K y s

>>17696233
You're not going to change her mind about how she feels about this, but you can try not to make a bigger deal out of it than necessary. I am personally always in favor of bringing requests such as these up in a sexual setting under the guise of dirty talk. Eg "it feels so good, you're so amazing at this, I fantasized about you working me like this while [public scenario] and it was so hot". You'll probably be able to tell from her response whether she's immediately interested or not. If yes, great. If not, drop it, bring it up after sex and tell her no big deal if it's not her thing, but you do quite like that fantasy and you want to make sure whether it's potentially in the cards or something she'll never be comfortable with.

No big deal. This is not in any way a freaky fantasy. If she's supervanilla she might find it dirty but honestly that would be her, then, in the realm of sexual fantasies this is intro level so don't let her or anyone else convince you you're a deviant.

>>17696238
I generally appreciate directness and when guys don't do silly mind games.
I'd suggest to try to build some chemistry, flirt with her a bit before asking her out. Sure, you can do that on a date, but in my experience when I already know I like someone I'm much more into the idea of dating.

>gf has a male best friend
>i was cool with it, no problem
>best friend told her that he has feelings for her
>she friendzoned him, all cool.
>in between the last 4 months though, he already tried to kiss her twice. both times in resulting her bitchslapping him and sending him back to the friendzone
>she doesn't want to completely break up contact with him because he's a depressive emotional wreck, and she's affraid he could harm himself

should i just let her go on with this? i mean, he already did it twice, i'm pretty sure he'll try it again and again. I'm not even sure if i'm jealous, its not her fault, its all on his side.

so, what do? and, would you say i'm jealous? be honest.

I'm a very emotional kind of guy, I feel the need to express the love for my GF during the day.
I don't consider myself needy, but I still feel the urge to say or do sweet things, because I'm deeply in love with her.
The problem is, I'm scared to be seen as needy or clingy, so I'm limiting myself a lot. And I feel fucking awful, like I'm constipated.

Right now, I'm afraid to tell her that I love her, to ask her out or to say that I miss her. She didn't mind me being this way, at first.
But, especially when we fight, she starts to see those things as "oppressing" and she distances herself from me for a few days.

What can I do?

>>17696260
I am not fine with my SO being friends with people who have/had feelings for them.
It's not even about jealousy, it's some form of respect and I feel disrespected.

You could try talking to her. Remind her that his well-being is not her responsibility.

>>17696253
Any advice on "decent" flirting?
I'd really rather not be in the dark about how to go about this- seems imperative.

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>>17695955
I kinda fell for these false flags. I feel shit and don't know what to do. Can anyone help/advice me? I wanna cry but can't... Really been sad this weekend

>>17696232
>>17696237
Hm. You are both right and I am most likely off here, which I am more or less aware of.
You'd probably think my self esteem is low for me to be disturbed by it - but being honestly, it's not. I am happy with my appearance, education, job and especially character.

I wonder if I should just try doing the same with girls I meet.
It's just that it feels weird to me and I don't have any desire at all to make any of them part of my closer, personal life.
It's fun talking to them and I am also very friendly and holding conversation, but it is totally different than what I see other people doing and I would also never consider adding any of them into my phone, forcing them into my daily life and mindset.

And what I also see is that these making-friends and adding-to-whatsapp actions always result in a change of behavior, not drastic, but you definitely feel the attention-shift.
Which isn't blameable in any way, however it still bothers me because it's not the way I think and act.

No idea what's wrong with me.

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how often do you fight with your Significant Other, and how long have you been together?

i don't know on what level its normal and at what point i should be worried

Already made a thread, probably should've posted here

What do you do/say when your gf gets a bad haircut? She had this nice pixie thing going on, and now she just looks like a pudgy little boy. She loves it, told her it's nice and all.

>>17696288
Blow chili powder into her eyes every time she asks for your opinion. Pavlov and shit.

How do I stop my friend from fucking up his life?

He's going out wit this girl that's 5 months away from being 17 and he's 26 years old. It's statuary in our state. I keep telling I don't care about ethics of them dating but it's illegal and could land you in a lot of trouble.

>>17696272
I don't think you're "wrong". For one thing, people don't get to choose how they feel when they see their partner interact with someone else. We all have different natural responses to that.

And for the record, I think saving someone as a contact in your phone after flirting is crossing boundaries. For me there is a balance to strike where either you are strictly friendly, or a bit flirty but with the understood knowledge that you're just passing strangers and nothing is going to come of it.
For the record, part of my feelings about this are pragmatic. Sure, part of it is also that flirting never seemed that big a deal to me and that I don't get jealous if I see someone I love being charmed a bit by someone else. But part of it is also that I want someone to want to be with me, to feel happier with me, than by himself or with someone else. I don't want to feel like I can't allow him to have a flirty conversation by exception with a cool lady, because then he'll be reminded of what he doesn't have or whatever. I want to feel so secure that it doesn't feel like I have competition from another woman simply because she smiles up at him a bit or because she looks good.

I know it works the same way for me. If I like someone, I am all fucking in. Someone else looking better? Good for them. Someone else putting his moves on me? Whatever or annoying, depending on their tactic.
I am not suddenly going to realize that I could be with someone other than my partner. I know that, and I don't want to, because I love them.

I feel that within a context of security, having the freedom to smell the roses and be reminded that other people than your partner for the last years can find you attractive can only have a positive effect on your overall self esteem and attitude within the relationship.

>>17696059
Dont believe this, women love true compliments, it's all about the energy you project, if you create context and are relaxed she will be more open to your compliments and if you feel nervous as fuck she will feel nervous too.

>>17696288
A diplomatic compliment like "really cool that you went for something so different". You're not obliged to pretend like you personally find her more attractive with it, but it's not going to do the relationship any good to shit on it once it's already happened.

>>17696291
You can't, sometimes being someone's friend means accepting that you can't do anything and not telling them "I told you so" after they come crying to you because they fucked up.

Girls: how would you feel if you'd slept with a guy around 8 times but he doesn't cum?

Every time we've had sex for ages, but I don't cum. We both have a great time, it feels amazing and she gets very wet. We love each other so it's not just a physical thing. Would you be OK with the guy not cumming?

>>17696272
It's silly to become friends with a girl if there is no reason to. I think that there is a huge difference between "I want to become friends with them because they have the set of genitals I prefer" and "I want to become friends with them because they are genuinely cool people and I'd totally be their friend if they were of the opposite gender".

I got close with three guys over the last 8 years, it was ALWAYS over shared interests and similar sense of humour. It was nerdy stuff and travelling with one, politics and soccer with the other, and the last one... well, he's pretty much me with a dick. If I met girls like them, I would totally be their friend because they're generally awesome people.
It never took anything away from my relationship and my boyfriend even got close to two of them. But it was never over the attraction, it was always because they are genuinely cool human beings. There might be a small decrease in the attention I give to my boyfriend in the short term after we met, because you just met someone cool and you want to talk to him about everything, but in the long run those friendship resulted in a beer every other week and some texts through the day, while my boyfriend sees me 24/7.

You have to distinguish about the two kinds of interactions, and just judge people about the reasons behind their friendship, not the fact that they have friends.

>>17696299
If I loved him, I'd be a tad disappointed but no more, especially if I felt convinced that it was really good for him. It would be different if I could tell he just wasn't that sensitive down there, that's just not attractive.

I would subtly try to find out whether it was purely a mental thing or that he could do something (like not masturbating as firmly) to improve his experience. Or tell me a cheatcode to get him over the edge.

>>17696278
There are different degrees of fight, I guess.
We have small, silly fights every other day - just get a bit frustrated with each other or get pissed off because of something one of us did or said. I think it's normal, we spend 24 hours a day together. It's something that doesn't never need to be solved.
I'll just tell him "holy fuck, you always complain so much" and he will tell me "shit, you didn't throw out the trash AGAIN?". A "woops, sorry" and it's over.
We have some more serious fights that require an hour or so to be solved maybe once every couple of months. And some more serious ones every couple of years. Nothing that hasn't been solved in an evening, we never got to bad mad at each other or wanted to end it.

>>17696304
She hasn't even mention it but one time I could tell she was trying to make me cum into her mouth, which I really wanted to, but wasn't particularly close. We only get together once every week or two. I'm going to try not masturbating for a 4 or five days until we're next together.

>>17696319
How much can you feel when she takes you in her mouth? It is a softer sensation than a pussy, and not being able to climax from a blowjob isn't that extraordinary. But if you have trouble feeling much to begin with when she's blowing you, that's a sign to take it easier on your dick when pleasuring yourself. Masturbation is not the issue, applying so much pressure that you desensitize is. Although it can be a bit tricky to determine whether that's really a factor or it's mostly self-consciousness, or a combination and so on.

>>17696294
If someone approaches me with a compliment, I will most likely reject them and go away.
I get that if someone approaches me randomly, he does so because he likes the way I look. But the fact that you're not able to treat me like a person and talk to me, or show any interest in who I am or even how I am doing is kind of dehumanising and makes me feel bad about myself.
I do appreciate compliments, but they're a shit way to start a conversation. I'm much more likely to go out with a guy who asks me the time or small talks than someone who says "Oh babe, you're so hot here is my number call me".

>>17696142
who is this qt

Is it OK to ask girls if they like Disney princesses or will I sound like a huge faggot?

>>17696342
Phrase it a bit differently, not like you're going to ask them to trade stickers.
"Did you like Disney movies growing up? Yeah? Which princess did you want to grow up to be most?" stuff like that.

Or "what do you think of all the Disney princess merchandising for girls?" Either personal or conceptual level.

guys
what if your girlfriend of two months got diagnosed with (curable) cancer?

>>17696296
>not telling them "I told you so"

Why shouldn't I do that? I keep telling him to cut it out over and over again and I don't want to be dragged into this.

>>17696324
Pussy and mouth both feel great but I haven't cum from either. I think it could be psychological, but I don't know why. I'm very comfortable with her and she has commented on how I'm not at all self conscious when we have sex. Before her it was well over a year since I've been with someone. Maybe that's a factor?

>>17696164
>have no clue how to verbally turn a girl on

care elaborating on how to do that or what you mean? I kind of get the idea but as far as i can tell in your previous posts you've mostly just explained how they make you feel like a real person, which I understand contributes to "turning you on" but it's not like them just being able to ask a follow up question that makes them seem interested is all it takes right?

>>17696260
>and, would you say i'm jealous? be honest.
sounds to me like you're handling the situation much much better than i would in your position dude, you don't seem that jealous

it's kind of worrying if you think he'll keep trying it though, i feel like i'd be way more bothered if a guy tried to kiss my gf regardless of how she handled it

Girls

Under what circumstances would you still deal with a guy who accused you of lying to him?

Why does it seem that girls are turned off by virgins...?

>>17696347
the legitimacy of my desire to stay with her would probably depend on how much i liked her, but i doubt i would break up with her, at least not immediately

>>17696412
You're confusing causes and consequences.
Girls aren't turned off by virgins, or at least most aren't. Virgins are virgins because girls are turned off by something about their looks or personality.

>>17696412
virgins tend to get clingy

just don't tell her you're a virgin

>>17696412
because most of them are

chances of getting satisfaction are higher with someone who has more experience, and the fact that you're a virgin CAN imply that there are other things wrong with you anyways

>>17696400
oh thanks so much man, that means a lot.

got into a fight with her yesterday because i simply asked her if he tried it again lately, she was super pissed and told me that i annoy her with my jealousy, even though i really just wanted to know.

i'm not sure about my own feelings, but i don't really feel jealous, i know that she'll always keep him where he belongs, its just that i want to know IF he tried again and shit.

i mean: the first thing i did when she told me in tears about him trying to kiss her, was that i'm not mad at her, i told her that its not her fault, yadda yadda. thats pretty much all i do in those situations. yet, she tells me i'm super jealous and shit. i feel bad.

sorry, i don't think anyone here cares, but i just felt like typing it down.

>>17696371
I was afk sorry for belated response.

I'll do my best but this stuff is hard to capture in words, it's mostly about the feeling you have. You want to feel like someone is attracted to YOU, that they saw something in you (sure, looks, but also your smile, your gaze, your way of moving, how you present yourself to the outside world, maybe the way you chuckle to yourself while reading). If a guy throws compliments at you but he isn't able to make it land that you evoke this response out of him, and he didn't just target you because you are female and he both likes you enough and thinks he has a shot, then it doesn't really hit home. The things he says might be really extreme compliments ("most beautiful girl I've ever seen!!") but they won't move you because it feels like an empty tactic.

Also, I feel that in these cases suggestion is extremely powerful. It is ten times sexier to chat for a couple of minutes about the book you were reading and what that reminds him of, before he nudges towards you being attractive/him having sexual thoughts about you, and sort of leaving it to your imagination what that might look like... than a guy spelling out that he wants to have sex with you. Flirting is mostly a game evolving around not showing your whole hand; baiting with your interest, but not coming completely clean about how serious it is or what you'd want from them. The moment you go fully "I am interested in you and want to fuck you can I have your number", all that tension and power dynamic is gone. You've become just another suitor. You want to remain a man who might hold some form of interest in her, without more specifics.

Is that clearer? Honestly this is the kind of stuff that you need to experience first hand to realize what a world of difference a small a small movement or smile can make. People are extremely sensitive towards social cues and you cannot always fully break down what you respond to, it just makes you feel a certain way.

>>17696424
that's really weird desu

maybe you should try starting the conversation differently, like calmly stating that you aren't jealous before she accuses you and telling her that you're just asking because you care about her. I don't want to put negative thoughts in your head but honestly she sounds kind of like she was acting shitty

when was the last time you asked her about it? if you aren't asking her constantly then it's pretty bitchy of her to get annoyed at you for asking about this. You're in a relationship, you have a right to worry about this shit especially if you are handling it as well as you say

>>17696412
It's social proof. For example if you're selling a product your don't tell a customer they are the first to buy it, you create the impression it's in high demand. When people are unsure of something they look to what others are doing.

>>17696441
In this example the better flirting approach makes you feel relaxed, attractive and receptive, as opposed to awkward and targeted. And the firmer state is much, much easier to get aroused from.

>>17696442
>like calmly stating that you aren't jealous before she accuses you and telling her that you're just asking because you care about her

thats pretty much exactly what i've done yesterday

as i told last week he tried to kiss her again, i tried to tell her that it would be the best for us all if they'd broke up contact, so that he can forget about her without constantly being in contact with her, cause i don't think thats healthy for him if he really never has a chance with her. its healthy for me, because, well, no worries anymore (jealousy?), and its healthy for her, cause no annoying dude that tries to kiss her anymore. WinWinWin.

Soo, no. she doesn't want to break up, he already had some suicide attempts before he even met her and he refuses to seek professional help. Anyways, she told me that she'll think about it for a while.

yesterday she told me that they met again, with a few other friends though. i was surprised because i thought they wouldn't see each other again, but they did. and so i asked her about it. Thats pretty much the whole story.

I'm attracted to a close friend who's all sarcasm across the board. We share the same interests, we care about each other and we even get some flirting in every now and then. When we spend pretty long moments together we just sit in silence, not awkward but just enjoying the area around us or our phones or whatever.
I rarely if ever manage to make her lose her shit laughing. It's smiles and understandings, but never full-blown laughter. Recently I met her cousin, and he casually did what I never thought possible.

So yeah, question. Is not being able to make someone go mad with laughter a dealbreaker? Kind of feeling bad about myself here, thinking my chances have gone to zero

>just ask her out
not the question here

My longterm boyfriend doesn't want to get drunk with me.
He wont admit it either. For the past year I've been telling him I want to get drunk with him and beg him to get drunk with me, but there is always an excuse. "My tolerance is too high. I'm trying but it's just not happening." "I just don't feel like it." "we'll get drunk together eventually." but it never fucking happens. Now I wouldn't be upset ... if he didn't easily get drunk with his friends. If he says he is going to go to the bar with our friends and I'm able to go, I'll drink and get drunk and try and encourage him but it doesn't happen. If I decide not to go and he still does ... he comes back drunk. Anytime I'm with him he just refuses to get drunk even though we have had so many opportunities.

Is it me? What the fuck. Am I over reacting?

Last night he came back fucking wasted off his ass. He went to a pub crawl I wasn't able to go to since I was sick. I had to take care of him and help him when he puked everywhere and wouldn't shut up about nonsense. So if is excuse is "I don't want my girlfriend to see me like that." then believe me, too late for that. He is still sleeping but my anger is fucking palpable. What do I do?

>>17696472
It's not a dealbreaker. I've had guys I'm attracted to that were funny and I felt were funny, but I was concerned with looking cool infront of them. When I get giggly I get too giggly and it makes me look like a dork if I'm just laughing my ass off at anything. There is a chance that she is trying to look cool infront of you or doesn't want to look like a dork infront of you.

>>17696441
yeah it is, thanks

you're good at articulating yourself, none of the information in your posts is really that new or mind blowing or anything but i still feel like they actually helped, like my perspective is a little different now

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>date with old crush from years ago in a few hours
>she was always nice to me when i looked like shit
>i have lost a lot of weight , im not super fit yet but BMI wise i am not fat anymore and i no longer have chins
>we have just been texting a little and she is worried about what "first" impression she is going to give me because she says her acne got worse recently
>there is like a 50/50 chance that she might already have a boyfriend since she studying something that is usuallly full of dudes
>however i am studying film, and i have invited her to appear in one of our short film
>she says she would be honored , but she wants to get rid of her acne first
>in the very unlikely chance that she doesn't have a boyfriend, how should i go on about this date?
>we are going for some coffe at a nice mall, im sure we will talk alot but how can i make a move?, im not good at flirting

>>17696050

Does it matter if a guy is complimenting and doing things for you, or if he's argumentative? Do you "judge" based on which one he does more often, or is it completely irrelevant if you like the guy?

There's this girl I talk to a lot and she's hot and cold. I give compliments without overdoing it and I tease her a lot. Sometimes she's receptive, and sometimes I can see she's not into it. I started doing only one of these during our conversations to see if she prefers one and not the other. Now I just feel like an autist for breaking-down conversations and trying to solve her like an equation.

TL;DR before I write a novel: Is it true that women' don't care much about what a guy says as long as they find him attractive?

>>17696492
>can't even greentext properly
>asking for advice on girls

one step at a time bruh

you're lucky she didn't see this post otherwise your chances with her would be ruined

>>17696492
be super casual about it. You can continue to "hang out" and not call them dates ... but thats totally what it is. I met up with a highschool friend after I lost weight. When we hung out it wasn't a date because I didn't know if he was single and vise versa. The night was fun because there wasn't the pressure of going on a date. He pretend to not be into me and "saw me as just a friend" but at the end of the night when I was practically begging for him to jump me, he finally kissed me and I was like, "Hey thought we were just friends." and he told me that he kept telling himself that in his head so that he wouldn't get too nervous and wouldn't take things too seriously. Made for a really fun night of no stressful expectation ... and also made for a fantastic one night stand ... i found out the next morning he was an otaku brony with a loli waifu ... But still really good anal that I don't regret.

Long story short, don't ever tell yourself that it's a date and that hooking up is the end goal, that will just make you nervous. If she gets the vibe that you are treating her as a hang out friend, it will also loosen her up and make her not as nervous. If there is a chance when you two are alone that you can make a move, start with simple physical contact. Hell you can even admit your tactic once your in and she'll most likely find it cute and funny.

>>17696496
I guess it's just a different approach. Some guys go with the "nice guy" way, some others with the "jerk" one.
I get really bored when people are too nice to me, and I prefer the overly argumentative approach and all the guys I've dated were kind of arrogant and cocky, to some degree. None of them was actually a bad guy, but not the kind of guy who treated me like a delicate flower. They still were kind to me when it was necessary, but not all the time. You get what I mean, I guess.
I don't think one works better than the other, in general, but do what you feel more comfortable with - it's cringey when a guy tries to do something he's not comfortable with and you really can tell that he's acting in a certain way just because he's insecure and doesn't know what to do.
To me flirting in a way I like IS part of the attraction. I don't like guys just because they're aesthetically pleasing to look at, I like a guy who gives me a certain feeling and being able to flirt in a way I like is part of the deal. So, huh, what he says is a BIG part of the attraction.

I don't know if I replied to your question properly, to be fair. Attraction is complicate shit.

>>17696492
She's going on a date with you, isn't she? It is a date, right? You used the word 'date' when referring to your meeting? Then it's a date and she shouldn't have a boyfriend.

I'd bet you didn't do that, but still. Don't stress it so hard, man. It's a first date. That's really just a first impression of seeing what you're generally like. Just chat, smile at her, break the touch barrier somehow. Touch the side of her shoulder when you laugh at one of her jokes, or something. Or when you make a joke.

You'll be fine. For the next time you go out, just be sure to use the word 'date'.

"I really enjoyed seeing you. I'd like to take you out on a date next week. I'm free this day, does that work for you?"

>>17695912
Not really. It's kind of creepy, regardless of how you go about it. I'm not really interested in someone who only noticed or cared about my body.

>>17696480
Why do you want to get him drunk? Sounds like he doesn't want you to see him like that, but that he can't control himself around his friends. When you're standing right there, it's easier for him to remember why he doesn't want to come home wasted.

Have you been direct, without sounding pissed off?

"Hey, I noticed that when you go out drinking with your friends, you come home wasted. When you drink with me, you don't get as drunk. I was wondering why?"

I don't understand why you're so mad. Why are you taking this so personally? Isn't not getting drunk out of your mind a good thing? Maybe he's an alcoholic.

>>17696513
same. Compliments are awesome and all ... but at least get to know the chick first.

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>>17696504
>>17696504

oh yeah, you guys are right, there is nothing to strees about, you know the thing is that everyone at my film school loves drama and i can't even begin to tell how many fucked ups stuff has happened at parties

it just made me a little nervous that something similar could happen to me. but you are right, i'll enjoy this and then ill ask her is she would like to meet again

>>17696059
>>17696513
>who only noticed or cared about my body.

Well, thats the first and only thing we can sense about you.

how would i know if you're a cool person without talking to you first?

>>17696480
Also another factor, if you're there, he can't watch out for you if he's wasted. You're out in public, maybe he feels like he has a duty to keep an eye on other drunk bastards. Or worse, sober bastards waiting to swoop in on stumbling you.

I personally don't drink as much when I'm with my SO than when I'm with my friends. When I'm with my friends, I kind of don't give a shit about anything. I'm in my own little world and I just want to feel ridiculous.
When I'm with my SO, I'm too busy being happy and talking, that I don't really want to lose coherency. I'm more grounded. I'm not off in my own little world. And I want to be aware enough that if I need to help at all, that I could do something.

Intoxication is an escape from this reality, really. I'm too happy with this reality when I'm with someone that I love. Just on my own, I could give or take this reality.

>>17696407
Dude, fucking drop it. Her reaction to your accusation is not enough for us to be able to say whether or not she cares about you as a friend.

Just talk to her. Jesus.

Why each time I apologize to my ex bf about dumping him he denies everything even though it kinda broke him?

>>17696520
It is okay to like my body, I won't be mad at a guy who finds me attractive. But by complimenting me for my body first, by making it the very first thing you tell me, you kind of show that to you I am literally just a hot body and you have no interest in who I am as a person.
Sit and talk to me - just show interest in who I am, what I think, what I do. It makes me feel like you value me as a human being and not just because I won the genetic lottery and go to the gym a few times a week. Treat me like a person, say hello and ask me how my day was. It's so much better than telling me that I am pretty.

>>17696514
I'm made because I've already talked to him about this .... for a year. When I first noticed it I casually pointed it out without barely a second thought. Then as it kept happening I became suspicious but not angry. and as it continued to happen, I started to get angry.
He isn't an alcoholic. He gets drunk maybe once a month. Every single time I've brought it up he just says it's never the right time or place. I thought for the longest time that maybe it's because he doesn't want me to see him like that ... but I'd rather be wasted with him then taking care of him being wasted.

I didn't take it personally at first ... but as his continued excuses kept not making since and not applying I had no choice but to assume that it must be me. I've told him that all I want for my birthday or christmas or anniversary is to get drunk with him. thats it. we have had sooooo many opportunities where he has purposefully chosen not to get drunk with me. He keeps saying it's hard to get drunk but if he's around his friends or I'm not there it seems easy as hell.

I'm angry out of sheer frustration at this point. it just keeps happening and it's been happening for so long and I don't know that to do anymore but just give up on the idea of ever getting drunk together. Like it's just never going to happen I guess and then I get super depressed and defeated because it's such a simple request and the only reason he doesn't is because it's me I guess. I start getting sad at myself and saying, maybe I'm too fat and ugly, maybe I'm too boring and annoying, maybe he's embarrassed by me. Maybe he just simply doesn't have fun around me anymore because he's tired of me.

How can I regain faith in women and respect for their kind?

>>17696541
What do you think why anyone would be talking especially to YOU and ask about YOUR day if not for your attractiveness? theres no other thing we sense about you other than your appearance.

>>17696544
maybe he doesn't feel like he needs to drink around you because he likes you and doesn't like the idea of relying on a substance to have fun when it comes to his gf

maybe the fact that you're so into the idea of drinking with him makes him worry about the same things you worry about (ugly/boring/annoying)

to me it's more logical to assume that WANTING to drink with you is more of an indicator of the worries you expressed, although that's obviously not necessarily true

>>17696263
How long have you been dating?

>when we fight, she starts to see those things as "oppressing"
Frick, I'm sorry man.
There isn't anything fundamentally wrong with being loving. Some people are just kind of more uncomfortable with that kind of thing.

My boyfriend and I are both disgusting mushy love birds. I have a couple of friends who gag when I gush about him.

You guys have different love languages, it sounds like. I suggest taking this test with her:
5lovelanguages.com/profile

Learn a bit about each other.

Unfortunately, this is mostly a compatibility mismatch. You can get through it if you can both learn to be empathetic with how you express and intake love. But it has to come from both of you. It won't work if you just swallow all your love.

>>17696520
There are so many things you can compliment a person on that don't involve "hey you seem hot".
I like your shirt, what band/run/game/con is it from? You have a really pretty smile. You seem like such a happy pleasant person to be around. You look so happy and approachable, it's really easy to talk to you. Is that a tattoo? What does it mean for you, why did you get it, what is it/does it mean in general?

Some of the nicest compliments I get are actually on the subject matter of what I'm wearing or about my tattoos. I guy can compliment my body, but when he says that he loves my necklace or earrings I realize he was actually paying attention to a small detail that I took time to choose and put together when I got up that morning. Not only do these compliment seem more genuine, but they start conversation easier than, "Hey you're hot" "... k ... thanks?"
Granted I'm always wearing weird shit that makes it easy to start a convo with anyone. It's hard when you chase after vanilla chicks and you don't know anything about the bland shit they may be wearing.

>>17696224
I sometimes tone it down a bit with some of the guys because I don't want them to think I'm flirting, and I don't want my boyfriend to think I'm flirting. That's not to say that I was flirting before, but just that I don't want them to get the wrong impression now. When I was single, it's less of a big deal if they get the wrong impression then.

>>17696565
not him, but does it get unattractive after a while if a dude is always super cute and loving?

like, the whole asshole cliché, would a guy be TOO nice if he'd did that too often?

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>>17696509
>She's going on a date with you, isn't she? It is a date, right? You used the word 'date' when referring to your meeting? Then it's a date and she shouldn't have a boyfriend.


oh yeah, about that, long story short
>i moved to this new city to study,
>i found out that she moved here years ago
>got her number thanks to a friend
>texted her for like 5 minutes and then she said she wanted to go out
>of course i said yes
>then when i invited her to participate in my short film and meet my friends she said that for this week she only wanted to be with me, she also mentioned that, i would be dissapointed, when i saw her again
>of couse i told her that wouldn't happen, and that we will have a lot of fun

i don't know maybe what made me nervous is that she seems a little bit down, and seeing how many shit happened at my school lately i didn't want to end up doing something stupid

>>17696556
Again, it's a different approach.
You come up to me while I am minding my shit, tell me I'm hot, I say "thank you". I tell you I have to leave, you give me your number, I leave, I delete your number and forget about your existence.
You come up to me while I am at a bar, we talk for 20 minutes, we have fun, you ask me if we can go out sometimes, I say yes, we exchange contacts.
The reason why you talked to me is obviously my body and not my personality, in both cases. But while in the first case you didn't even want to know about my personality, and you just wanted to get a chance to stick your dick in my body, in the second case you made a tangible effort to get to know me, and I greatly appreciate that, it makes me feel like you can look beside my nice perky tits and care about who I am.

>>17696572
alright, i see we just had a different understanding of the question. i agree that theres a difference on complimenting about the body or your style, but when the OR asked about "the way you look" i took it as an all in one kind of thing.

>>17696188
Depends! Both work for me. I've gone both ways. It usually depends on circumstance. Where sometimes I become attracted to a friend over time, or it was inconvenient timing when I met them (I was depressed, one of us was in a relationship, etc) that meant that we didn't date right away when we met.

I've also done the dating thing, where I meet them with the intention of a date. I've also met someone outside of a date who I had instantaneous chemistry with who I asked out within three days of meeting him!

You can't really plan it out, to strategize how best to woo her, anon.

>>17696163
It could go either way. She could either be trying to let you down easy, or she could really think herself as such trash that she thinks she doesn't deserve you.

Next time she uses that line, you could force her into a corner and say, "But I like YOU. Do you like me?"

>>17696037
I've been waiting for the three month mark of dating.

>>17696556
and this is why you are on an anime forum anonymously asking for advice on women. But hey, at least your up front approach shows your transparent reason for ever trying to talk to a woman. Having women as friends is silly and unnecessary, thats why I only talk to hot chicks.

>>17696263
Find different outlets for your emotions. If you tell her that she's smart and beautiful every minute of the day it begins to lose its meaning. Try to express your feelings for her through your actions, and I don't mean constantly buy her flowers or something like that. Do things for her that are really meaningful and require effort and a working knkwledge of who she is to think up.Learn about the things that mean a lot to her and make her feel cared about and do those things instead of trying to be sweet all the time.

>>17696578
>she said that for this week she only wanted to be with me
THAT'S A GOOD SIGN, BUDDY
HAVE FUN AND DON'T OVER THINK THIS

>>17696037

You start to realise their shortcomings and faults, but you still love them just as much. In the beginning, you won't notice anything they do which is negative, but around 3-6 months in, you'll start to notice things that annoy you slightly.

Generally, this is the point where you either realise you can deal with their shortcomings and the relationship develops, or having the illusion shattered is too much and you start to lose interest.

>>17696593
I don't know what it is about the 3 month mark, but it is magical in separating real stuff from fake stuff. I guess it takes 3 months of hanging out to really get to know a person. The 3 month mark also applies to living together. if you can live together for 3 months straight, you can most likely live together as long as you want.

>>17696595
Imagine this. There are two chests on a table. You know that it one of them may be a cool gift that you can keep if you open it. One chest looks really well done, with engravings and shit. The other chest looks really cheap, made of plastic actually.

Which one do you open?

>>17696576
There's layers to this. It depends on the girl, as I was saying. Some girls think it's awful always.

I'll speak for my experience.

My boyfriend can't really overdo it. I think it's amazing and I get all gooey when he does.
Now, part of the reason is because I really believe him. I love him and he loves me. I can see why he loves me and he can see why I love him. It's very mutual.

Now, I've had guys who are cute and loving that makes me REALLY uncomfortable. And that's because I don't think they really care about me. I think they're more enamored with the IDEA of me. They don't really know me well enough to be able to be so head over heels for me.

I have a bit of a habit of befriending lonely awkward guys. And they've often become starry eyed because I'm a female who has given them the time of day. That feels gross, how they don't really see me. They're fetishizing the idea.

It also goes into how much I like them. Because I have longterm friends who certainly know me well. And I've had ones who like me. I know they actually know who I am. But I'm still uncomfortable. Because I really do not feel the way they do. When they're sweet, it makes me feel like I kind of owe them sweetness back. And I don't want to give them that. Because I don't like them. So I'm left feeling indebted. Yuck.

>>17696556

Fun, compassion, respect.

>>17696585
Thanks for the reply.
In what ways do women like to be "woo'd".
Id est, how do you go about doing so to someone you're interested in; as a woman how do you like to be woo'd?

More replies please: >>17696342

>>17696532
I would do that if I could get sometime with her face to face. But her shyness coupled with how busy she is makes that hard to do.


Besides, I was more so asking if any one here had specific examples of them doing what I asked. Maybe it could help me in my situation

>>17696603
It's true! It's kind of spooky. I guess it's a bit of a the rules of threes. Twice is a coincidence. Thrice has more implications.

>>17696628

Both

>>17696626
I like it when a guy asks me out on a date. That is my favorite way. That is what you should do.

>>17696342
I agree with this anon >>17696344
It's also a better conversation opener. Yes/no questions aren't good conversation openers. Give her something open ended.
Why do you want to know?

>>17696611
People aren't about the prizes they give you, though.

>>17696635
Thanks, anon.

>>17696630
What did you accuse her of lying about?

>>17696638
Making a good friend OR a partner kinda is a gift though. Don't you think?

I hurt my bf when breaking up with him. I really regret doing so and I want him back really bad. How could I remedy my mistakes?

>>17696644
>I invited her to hang out with a friend and I on short notice.
>She said she was busy, sisters graduation. (Turns out it was true)
>For some reason I did not trust her.
>So I sent her "I don't mean to sound like an asshole, but if you don't want to hangout, just tell me"
>She did not respond to that accusation. (understandably)
>A month and a half later I decided to apologize. It basically went like
Me- "Hey, I'm sorry for what I said. I was not right for me to accuse you of that"

Her- "Hey, Thanks! I appreciate the apology. I've just been very busy over the summer"

>>17696611
> comparing talking to women as chooses mystery boxes based on looks
There are way more factor of talking to people in general than overall looks.
You have to choose a box in front of you knowing that there are free gifts in both but you can only pick one. One box looks really fucking nice, like gems engraved in it, nicely finished wood, gold hinges and everything. Lookin like a damn pirate loot. You can guess that there is prolly something really nice and expensive inside that you would either want to keep or could at least sell for a nice amount of money. The other box it some what like a loot crate; its got your favorite video game stuff painted all over the box, maybe even some funny jokes printed on it. You can guess that the shit inside isn't valuable to some people but you would prolly like it based on the niche hit you like. there are also 10 other plain looking boxes around them that don't catch your eye at all but who knows whats in em. All boxes are the right answer. You can pick a box sheerly for the value of the items you assume are inside, or you could pick a box hoping it is something that you specifically would like to own. You could pick a box because you plan on keeping whatever inside or you could choose one already planning on selling it.You could pick a random plain box for the sheer curiosity of what's inside, not even because you want to keep or sell what's inside.

When you talk to someone, not even a woman, that you don't know, you do so wanting to know more about them. Sometimes you approach them because they look cool, rich, hot, weird,or hell even messy and crazy. You approach them to know more about them in hopes that you will have a new friend, romantic other, or just a nice quick conversation.When you walk upto a hot chick because they are hot, you are showing the one singular thing that your mind is thinking about and not the million other options that come with being a normal well rounded social human being.

>>17696647
why would you fucking break up with him without being 100% sure in the first place

>>17696639
Haha, I appreciate you taking my half flippant answer to heart. Because it is true. You should really just ask her out on a date. Make your intentions known.
Wooing a girl is a lot more complicated that what I'm going to be able to make a sweeping post about. A lot of it is about gauging her reactions to different things you say and do. And you adjust your techniques accordingly.

You might realize she responds well to physical contact. Or maybe she shies away. Or maybe she loves when you joke. Or maybe her laughter is a little strained and you can tell that she's uncomfortable with you making fun of things. You see if she reacts well to compliments, if she wants to talk about philosophy, if she wants to share memes.

It's all about the girl and less about the technique.

The best thing to start the process is to get the two of you talking one on one, alone, together. That's all I can really tell you and that's the one thing that will reign true.

>>17696645
Yes, but I have friends who are ugly mother fuckers. I am friends with them because of their laugh, or their unique perspective, or because they're good listeners, or because they keep up with my walking pace, or because they also like to play board games.

Whether or not they're pretty, regardless of their gender, does not come into play in me befriending them.

I have avoided befriending pretty people, male and female, because I didn't like their personalities and I didn't want to become friends with them.

That is why I don't agree with this dumb chest analogy. Just because you can make an analogy about something doesn't mean it's true.

>>17696647
Why did you break up with him?

>>17696342
It depends why and when and how randomly you are asking. If you are in a situation where the topic makes sense then sure, but randomly walking up to women and asking this is weird. The only way you could explain away the weirdness of asking this randomly is if you are "asking for a project you are doing" or "asking because of a topic you were reading about". That way not only are you asking their thoughts on it but starting a convo. Liking disney is so common with people that grew up in the 90's that I don't think it's too weird.

Be warned though, asking this will open the door to SJW topics and convos. No body has fun when that starts.

>>17696654
Because i felt like he didnt care at all about being with me.

>>17696650
That's good that you apologized.

I actually cut off a relationship interest because he accused me of lying in the identical way that you did. I think it's fucking immature and pissed me off, hard.

This is because of my own values. I am personally really into giving people the benefit of the doubt. I give people the benefit of the doubt that I really should not have given them the benefit of the doubt. So, if someone is doing something so blatant as you did, and as my date did, I know that there is no possible way that I will be able to put up with them.

That value is so, so important to me.

There are some people who are not so stringent about that value. They will care less. I can think of a handful of friends who are very skeptical of most things. They would be unsurprised by your response and easily shrug it off.

She might be like me, she might be like my friends.

>>17696647

I also did this. We were due to get married and I just realised I didn't want to marry him and we'd just been coasting over the past five years. I left him at the worst time, in the worst way and whenever I think about it, I feel sick with guilt.

That said, I don't regret ending the relationship. It would have seriously damaged me to stay in it. However, I still feel terrible. I don't want to get back with him but I do want to stop feeling terrible. This happened almost a year ago.

I really like one my friend (male). He is touchy and seems to give me special treatment, but on the other hand he keeps saying that he is asexual, doesn't want relationship and doesn't like me (not said privately). I'm confused if to keep trying or to get over it. Also afraid to ask first, because I'm certain if the answer was nope, he would instantly get away from me.

>>17696678
Maybe he just likes being physically intimate with you but doesn't want any more than what you have. Maybe he's very happy with the dynamic you have right now.

If he says that he's asexual and aromantic, it would be ridiculous to ask him on a date.

>>17696668
If you felt this way, then it was prolly for a reason. If he is just now acting hurt and sad and realizing he wasn't treating you right then that's something he needs to deal with.

If you get back together with him he will realize he can get away with acting meh about the relationship and will only need to make you feel wanted every now and then.

When you are in a good healthy relationship, you feel wanted and cared about usually without any special effort. They treat you this way because they do actually care about you and can show you this effortlessly because it is the truth and how they really feel.

You just want him back because it is the easy thing to do and can give you immediate satisfaction. but long term, you will be the one hurt. Look for a new guy that will treat you good as the default.

>>17696670
She is probably like you, but a bit more easygoing, and not caring too much about what people say.

She basically just said she appreciated it and explained a bit. Then we went back to talking every so often (For several hours at a time)

(Also, typically I am very easygoing, and giving people the benefit of the doubt. I just don't know why accused her of lying)

>>17696678
Well if he already out right said he doesn't like you that way and doesn't want a relationship with you, then straight up asking isn't going to do shit. It sounds like this guy wants the type of friendship that most best friend women have; they can platonically touch and cuddle and play around because physical boundaries are broken when you feel naturally comfortable around each other. When I have chick friends I care about a ton we cuddle and hug and touch all the time and it's platonic and means nothing romantically. It's what friends do sometimes.

If you can't have him continue to do this and stay friends then you should tell him that you have physical boundaries that you uphold with friends that don't apply to romantic interests. He could either agree and give you your space while still being friends, disagree and not be as close of friends anymore, or start to consider a romantic connection.

>>17696693
>>17696683

Thanks guys, but gosh, finding someone even with half of his personality would be impossible

>>17696260
He's obviously not listening to her, so maybe he'll listen to you, and maybe it will take more than a bitch slap.

>>17696687
When i would tell him how i felt he would say that he cant do much at that moment because of education. After the break up he said "I'm sorry.I love you but I can't sustain a relationship at the moment and I don't know for how long.". Having an LDR made all more difficult. He never tried to improve the situation and accepted the break up even though i saw him being really hurt about it.

>>17696731
Sounds like he still can't give you what you need out of a relationship. Why continue?

>>17696736
Because i'm still unable to let go. I'm still in love with him and it's making me miserable.
Even though i'm aware that he wont give me what i need and probably never will i still cant stop caring.
And I don't get why he tries to make me jealous.

Man here need some advice from a woman that has dealt with sexual assault/rape.

I've been hanging out with this girl who has recently (a month ago) been sexually assaulted. I've slept over at her place the first night we met but she refused to kiss me, but we cuddled all through the night. The next day she hit me up and I got her to come over to my place. We ended up making out, but she didn't want to go any further (understandable). After a bit more kissing and me leaving to get some water, she seemed to be really uninterested in doing anything else and told me she was heading back home (4 am).
I've never been with a girl who was seriously hurt like this. I do like her and am interested in her beyond just sex.
Ladies how did you deal with intimacy and sex after being sexually abused, and do you have any personal advice for my situation?

>>17696755
Sounds like you need some space, girl.

>>17696496
What I care about is a guys personality. A guy will go from a 5 to an 8/10 for me if I get to love his personality. Part of getting to like his personality involves feeling a sense of genuineness from him. If I feel like he's just playing the role of the "nice guy" then I get turned off and lose interest. I feel like I can tell when a guy is kissing my ass and trying to say and do all the right things just to get in my pants instead of being himself. With that being said there is a physical aspect to attractiveness that is important, but this varies so widely from female to female and is based on so many variables that it's really hard to just say 'this guy is attractive and this guy isn't so therefore one will get more women than the other'.

>>17696757
I suggest opening a dialogue with her and telling her that you want to go slow and at her own pace. Tell her that you're here for her and that you care about her.

You really need to stop pretending that both of you don't know what's going on. Say something. Be gentle and kind.

>>17696762
I know! I'm a mess!

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I'm dating a girl, ex-lesbian, she's sweet and caring, I enjoy being with her and it's a generally healthy relationship. As a recovering lesbian, she has problems with self-esteem and feeling attractive, and although she's very passionate and caring towards me, she says she doesn't enjoy the physical, sexual aspect, and wants romance and intimacy. How should I interpret that, and should I be afraid of getting stuck in a relationship devoid of sex?

>>17696496
Maybe she's hot and cold because you're being unpredictable.

Humans aren't really experiments in a vacuum. All your future experiments will be effected by your previous ones.

>>17696772
>ex-lesbian
What the fuck should it mean?
If she isn't sexually into guys I doubt she can change her mind.

>>17696772
That's just called a bisexual. You should have a conversation with her, because she might be wanting a sexless relationship. We can't tell you what she's thinking.

>>17696778
You know lesbians are just girls who didn't recieve enough attention from boys, had bad experience with boys growing up or experienced sexual trauma, right? It's still curable during college

>>17696786
I've heard enough stories about beta males falling for the "sexless relationship" meme while their girl was being boned by some chad who didn't fall for this shit

My boyfriend and I have a table booked at a really nice restaurant, on Friday night. We haven't really had any "special" weekends together recently, so I'd really like to develop this into a bit of an experimental weekend.

How can I bring this up with him without making it awkward? I always feel far more confident when I'm dressed up, which is what I'll be doing at this restaurant. I was thinking of buying some nice underwear and really making an awesome night of it.

It's just working out a way to make him aware of this, without making it too planned or organised.

>>17696810
Introduce a bull to spice up your relationship

I also happen to be a bull

>>17696836
Can you at least take a picture of your under wear and show me?

Don't come here for relationship advice, us aweary neckbeards can't cry cause there's no where for the condensation to escape our basements.

>>17695911
Yes. Now that I'm a mom I envy how freely my husband gets to hang out with his friends whenever he likes. It gets to me, especially since we have the same friends, and I miss out on a lot of cool shit. I'm also jealous of traps. Just more proof that men are better at everything.

>>17696926
Wanna be my first online friend whos a mom

>>17696926
>jealous of traps

what is this and why can't you get your own friends?

>>17696926
Apologises I meant first friend

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I've known a girl for years, for several of those on a LDR
She has a lot of issues and I always tried to help her and support her, even during the LDR we had issues but it was a nice experience.
After ending it we remained friends and we talked every day, we had some fall outs now and then but I legit want to help her as a friend.

After a while we knew we still had some feelings for each other, maybe it's an obvious thing but we just don't act on it, for some reason I felt really shitty after finding out she found a bf even when I've been with several girls after her.
After a while the feelings went down and I found this girl that's basically the girl of my dreams, the kind of girl I've always fantasized and never even hoped to get, after overcoming some boundaries we managed to get together and I've been extremely happy ever since.
The thing is that this girl and I started talking less after this and we went from talking daily to once a week
The little times we talked she kept talking about problems with her boyfriend, him being dirty and her having to do everything for him, etc

She always flirted with me and sent me some photos even when she was with this guy, I rejected anything after getting close to my girl
Last time we talked she suddenly got mad at me out of nowhere when I mentioned she was on my room, saying that I was rubbing it on her face and suddenly logged off with no explanation or anything.
A week later of her being offline on everything, I found out she removed me yesterday.

I have no romantic feelings for her anymore, but she's still a person I really bonded and planned to meet up several times and I don't want to just drop that, I've known her for almost a decade and know a shitton about each other even after just knowing each other online.
I don't know what to make of this, why would she remove me, does she still has feelings for me, why did she started behaving like this when I got a girl, etc.
I'm lost here, I don't want to lose a friend

>>17696963

She was using you as a back up. Now you're not available, she isn't interested in your friendship anymore. She probably realised that what she was doing while with someone else was inappropriate and now it won't lead to anything, so she has to deal with that guilt.

If you're happy with your girlfriend, I would just continue to cut all contact with her.

>>17696971
She still flirted with me like a week ago, before that happened and told her to cut it.
She knows I've been with other girls so I don't know what kind of backup plan I could've been, she also kept mentioning she can't compete with her when I mentioned, and I freaked out, you're not competing with her she's my girlfriend.
It feels like she's extremely jealous of this particular girl for some reason and last week kept telling me how frustrated she was because her bf was ignoring her a lot and not doing anything in the house.

I don't want to just contact, we know each other too well and it's been years, but I don't know what to do.

>>17696979

She probably wasn't concerned when it was just randomers you were fucking, as she's with a guy already. Knowing you two were close and you probably thought more of her than these girls you were seeing, meant that she could justify flirting with you and sending you photos because your affection for her meant if she wanted to leave her partner and come to you for validation, she could.

Now you've fallen for another woman, she has been knocked off the top spot. This drives women fucking insane. It's the same reason female friends always talk negatively about their male friends new girlfriends, regardless of whether they have a boyfriend or not. It's not necessarily interest in the person, it's territory.

Although in your situation, I think it's more likely that she was holding you as a back up and now she knows this other woman has stolen your heart, she knows she doesn't have a chance and is throwing her toys out of the pram.

Honestly, this is a drama explosion waiting to happen. Ignore her, focus on your girlfriend and stop giving a shit about some weird internet friendship.

>>17696963
>>17696979
Drop it. Cut contact and disappear from her life.

She has no respect of you and your relationship.
You are not having no respect of your relationship. I would dump you immediately if you were my boyfriend, and I found out you keep chatting with that girl you had a LDR with and sometimes still sends you lewd pics/flirts with you, but "OMG, you have to trust me, we're just friends now!"

I get that you care about her, it's really nice that you do, but stop it if you care about your girlfriend.
She clearly wants you still, she flirts with you (and even pretty heavily, it seems) and she uses you to make up for the lack of affection in her relationship. You're her emotional boyfriend.

Fuck, I'm really mad at you, stranger from the internet.

>>17696994
I've actually considered stopped talking to her and I already discussed the matter with my gf.
I also immediately stopped any of her advances and told her to stop before I even hooked up with my gf because I knew it was going somewhere.

She hasn't sent me anything after I told her to stop and things seemed fine, but out of nowhere last week she started doing it again, told her to stop and that I love my gf and what not.
At this point I'm more puzzled about the why than actually talking back to her, she's behaving like a child and I like his girl too much to sacrifice it for someone like that, but I also feel kinda bad because I know this ldr girl has suicidal tendencies.
You're 100% right and I've may let this happen too much, but trust me I have no plans at all to sacrifice what I have.

>>17696993
I guess, she was someone that always wanted to help me with anything and was there as a good friend,
But things escalated really hard and really fast, I've known her for a long time and I know a lot about her and we have great chemistry which is also why I was thinking of cutting it.
I guess I'll try to talk to her and figure out the why and walk out of it, just to settle it on my mind.

>>17697018

Can I just say, the reason I'm so critical is because a very similar thing happened to me. I was with someone, had an online friend for about eight years, always felt a connection with him even when we were seeing other people but never acted on it.

To cut a long story short, we ended up meeting and falling for each other hard. We're still together now, it's the greatest relationship I've ever been in, I love him dearly and I could see myself spending the rest of my life with him. He's my best friend, has been for several years.

So...just be careful.

>>17697018
Even if your girlfriend seems supportive of it, I doubt she is throwing a party to celebrate your friendship with the LDR girl this weekend. You put up with this kind of shit at the beginning of a relationship because it makes you sound like an asshole if you say "Yeah, I'm not actually fine with it, who gives a shit about her feelings" but that's actually what most people think.

You're not responsible for anyone's well-being but yours. You are risking a relationship that actually makes you happy for a person who isn't even able to respect you. I doubt she'd put up with you if you were so deep in the shit, and she had other things that made you happy and didn't need you anymore.

I know it sucks, but just cut contact and move on. Friends who don't want you to be happy aren't friends. Move on.

>go on date with girl
>goes really, really well
>pass all speech checks, must have picked up +9 charisma bonus somewhere
>her body language is expressive and clear
>tell her I'd like to see her again, she reciprocates


and now I keep hesitating to text her for another date, I've lost the level of comfort I had when I was with her in person. I guess, based on my past experiences and emotional issues, I'm afraid she'll suddenly change her mind or ghost me or something.

I have a date idea I think she'd really enjoy that is fairly unique, but can't bring myself to text her.
How do I get back into that comfortable mindset I had when I was with her?

>>17697034
Did you cut the relationship with that someone to be with him?
Or did it just happen as a result of you meeting with him?
I'm wondering this as simple curiosity, I don't want this to happen.


>>17697046
I know she's not fine with it, no one would be, which is why I've tried to distance a bit more from her, also kinda happened by itself because I've been dedicating a lot of time to my gf.

So, I'm pretty (no fuck that) very happy with my gf. Everything is great except foreplay. I'm a bit more experienced than her and so I kind of feel I've got the knack down on what pushes her buttons and you know I look out for how she responds to what I do and it generally goes as well as one can expect I get her nice and hot and heavy.

Which is great I'm really happy I can do that for her but...she isn't very good at foreplay herself and I find all the focus I put into the minutia (This overthinking of probably a problem too) of turning her on means by time she is ready I'm needing a bit of stimulus. But she's really not that great at it she lies on her back eyes closed almost half asleep just tugging away, Really isn't that up for oral/although I find a woman'a enthusiasm for doing it way hotter than the actual sensations so I don't feel like asking for more oral would be no good cause she the times she has done it she again just has no technique. And we're 28 and 24 it's not like we're inexperienced. I don't want to be a shit or le modern guy with weird expectations due to porn but....I really miss an enthusiastic gf sucking me to turn me on but I also realise that bringing this up would just make her even less confident.

So any advice would be great I apologise that it isn't a straightforward question.

So I'm gonna ask something that surely gets asked here every fucking day, but with a twist.

Would girls freak out if I'm a virgin?
I'm 22 but I'm not really awkward or weird looking, I take really good care of my appearance, I also constantly have girls (and guys) telling me stuff and saying I'm really handsome and always catching looks from people.
I'm not trying to gloat here, just explaining the situation, I've had girls on my class move seats and start talking to me immediately and asking me personal stuff.

However, it never happened, it was either me being freaked out and a bit too naive on high school, having to decide between doing some extremely important school work that might've got me to repeat if I messed up or going to this girls house that she invited me saying her parents weren't home.

Just a lot of situations and coincidences on top of me trying to focus more on college and some personal stuff, all this ended up in me being a virgin at 22.
I've recently got really self aware of it and I've started thinking that I'm wasting my young years.


TL;DR would you let a man being a virgin be a crippling thing in the relationship?
Would you freak out if he said he was?

>>17697061

In all honesty, things were not good with my previous partner. I was considering leaving anyway as we were getting to a point in our lives where it was all or nothing.

I'd always been close to my friend (who I ended up with) but we never even considered being together until we met. It was a really strange situation, we clicked immediately, everything we'd built up over the previous seven years worked as a wonderful foundation. We knew each others worst points, darkest moments, how we both managed relationships, etc. It was difficult at times but we have the most open, honest relationship going.

So yes, I ended that relationship, spent some time recovering and then my friend and I became an item. I've never looked back.

However, I still would have left eventually, regardless of whether anything developed with my friend. It wasn't a distraction or a second choice.

Any femanons here who use condoms to masturbate with vibrators/dildos?
serious question. Found a stash of condoms at my GFs and we never use 'em since she's on the pill.

>>17697109

No, but I do have about 48 condoms in the boot of my car. I got them cheap, kept them just in case I ever needed them, almost always forget about them until a friend asks to use my boot and suddenly it's condom city.

In a long term relationship and I'm on the pill. I can almost guarantee there's nothing sinister going on with her.

>>17697109
How old are the condoms?
Did they seemed old and unused for a while?

Maybe she had them from past relationships or experiences? That's quite likely.
The problem is there's a small chance she uses them with someone, just to avoid std's and what not, it's unlikely but who knows.

>>17696637
I want to know because I like princesses and I want a gf who also likes them and want to be one.

>>17696665
What SJW topics?

@all
Is it OK to ask that on dating sites?

>>17697118
>>17697122
she kinda likes when i play with her ass but she says my dick is too big for anal and i dont care either way. i know she uses vibrators. i use some of them on her but one of them she kept secret (saw it by accident. swear i dont snoop).
anyhow. could it be that she needs them because she is masturbating both vaginally and anally? as in: to keep herself from getting urinary tract infections or other nasty stuff?

we've been in a relationship for something over a year and we've not used condoms in at least 11 months. didnt wanna check for dates or anything. i knocked the box on her open by accident and i felt bad already cause in the end it's none of my fucking business. just kinda scared she's playing with me.

>>17697095
No, I don't particularly care.
His insecurities might cripple the relationship, in my experience. Every time I got close to a virgin guy my sexual history (which isn't even particularly extensive) suddenly became an issue.

>>17697135
I wouldn't really give a shit about someone story as long as it's not really extensive on a young age, which then wouldn't be really about the story itself but about the person morals and views on life.

>>17697132

She'll have them because it's sensible to keep condoms in your drawer on the off chance that your contraception doesn't work OR you're fucking someone new.

I'm in a long term relationship now but I wouldn't just throw my condoms away. Not because I want to use them to fuck random men, but because they cost me money and one day I might need them again. I might be on antibiotics which effect my pill, I might have missed one by accident, I might have been really sick which could effect them. It doesn't mean anything.

>Women; how much spurge is too much spurge?
I'm a high functioning autist struggling to socialize. I've already learned the hard why how to appear normal, but I still occasionally spurge when confronted with new situations. I've never had a real gf (I paid a few to act like my gf however they all left after I accidentally spurged) and dealing with women exacerbates my autism. Any advise appreciated...

>>17697118
If you leave your car in the sun, those will get "rotten" fast.

>>17697132
Some girls on another board use condoms on dildos to not have to clean them so thoroughly afterwards.

>>17697142
yeah that's what i would have thought. Except they were in that box that's always been on her nightstand, with a bottle of lube. Like, they seem to be essential enough to take up space next to her lamp, her napkins, her hand-lotion and all the whatnots up there. I wouldn't have thought anything of them had they been in her medical cabinet or the bottom drawer where she keeps random stuff or whatever. It just made me think weird stuff that they were right next to her bed, almost out in the open. Readily accessible, so to speak... So you really think i shouldn't worry? Cause i have a weird feeling. Might be gone in the morning, though.

anyhow, thanks for actually seriously answering my questions and not trolling. Much appreciated, really.

Why the fuck is everyone posting long fucking paragraphs

Its starting to piss me off

>>17697148
thank you for answering. you guys were kind. wish i could offer you my joint or something. but my virtual thanks will have to suffice.

A question for women:
What do most women find attractive in a man? Just on a physical basis.
What do you consider to be "ugly"?

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I really want to have kids, but I'm currently not ready for them.
I'm almost paranoid enough that I'm thinking about regularly using condoms, pill AND pulling out.
I'm not ready to have a kid, it would ruin a lot of my plans and I doubt I'd be able to give him the life I want to give to my future kids.

Would you girls feel freaked out by this?
How do I relax about this whole thing?

>>17697163
>What do most women find attractive in a man? What do you consider to be "ugly"?
It's impossible to find a precise set of qualities that are hot for most girls.
I think that pretty much all girls I know prefer guys taller than them (but I know at least 3 couples where the guy is shorter), and all girls I know prefer guys who are in shape (but I don't mind a bit of chub, or very skinny guys). Hygiene is kind of a must, I guess. And having nice teeth, or a somewhat regular and symmetric face.
But that's it.

>>17697153

What would you like me to post anon?

Please don't be mad

>>17697180
Seems more simple than I thought initially.
Thanks for the reply anon.

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I'm relatively introverted, but I am very attracted to outgoing, playful, assertive women.

Why is this? And would such a woman find introverted people attractive?

>>17697169
It's normal to be scared of getting a girl pregnant. I am terrified of getting pregnant, personally.
I am not freaked out.
Just choose very safe contraception methods. IUD is very safe (99.9% safe). If you want you can use two contraception methods (IUD + pulling out), to make it extra safe.
Also - discuss with a girl before fucking her. Make sure she knows you don't want kids and she's fine with eventually getting an abortion. Make sure you're using a good form of contraception.

You relax by trying and actually not getting a girl pregnant, in my experience at least.

We went from sending each other 200 messages at a time, multiple times a day to 19 an entire day.

Such a shame. She's such a wonderful girl.
Just another reason to be sad

>>17695765
ladies/and guys

me and my gf have had a rough patch and i've been quite obsessive/needy recently and after an argument where we nearly finished, she had ignored me

i messaged her friday, ignored

messaged saturday, ignored and haven't bothered since

should i wait for her to message me or confront her? i dont want to sit here and wait because i would rather sort it out and get back to normal

Are most girls femenazis like they are at my uni?

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>>17696600
>>17696509
>>17696500
thanks anons, im back everything went well, she wants to go out more , so i invited her to a party in 2 weeks, maybe i'll be able too see her even sooner depending on how busy we are next week

>>17697266
In my experience, no.
I have never met a feminazi in real life. Most girls either don't care or are the stupid feminist kind.

>>17697236
Buy her a flower or some junk like that and surprise visit her at her house or after uni or whatever and sweet talk her.

Ladies, I've always been curious:

What goes through your mind when you attempt to garner attention from a guy you have no intention of fucking? Emotions and thought process.

Question for the ladies
Would you wait for a guy while he gets his shit together and gets over himself? Can people go from a romantic relationship to something different, and fall in love again?

I want to introduce myself to this girl, how do I do this without it looking weird and random?

>women

probably a stupid question. if someone was good at sex and they break up with you, would you lie about them being bad at sex? i am asking because she orgasm and came almost every time, but after we broke it off she told her friends that i was bad at it. idk how somebody can pretend to come, so i doubt she was faking it.

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>>17695765
So I found out this grill I like's sister (and likely her) voulenteer at an animal shelter near where I live. She didn't directly tell me this, I found out through other means. So I was thinking this friday I would ask her if she would want to go with me to the shelter and voulenteer fot a few. Something like "Hey I was thinking I'd voulenteer at ______ tomorrow, and I thought you might be interested in joining me". So I would basically just be playing with cats and dogs the whole day with her. Does this sound like a good idea?

>>17697542
probably depends on how strong my feelings are and if/how much he hurt me. I got used by a guy but still like him... if he started acting like an adult I'd want to date again

A girl I care about mentioned to me that her parent died (through text). I don't know how long ago it was–possibly years? But I'm always awful when it comes to consoling someone, especially through texts... All I can think of is I'm sorry for your loss. I don't know how to make them feel better. How do you respond to someone who tells you this about them?

Guys in their 20s:

Do you get boners from hugging female friends? If yes, are you attracted to them, or does it just happen?

>>17697558

Dude it's so easy for a woman to fake an orgasm. Although she's probably telling people that you're bad at sex cuz she's hurt you dumped her, and wants to talk shit about you.

>>17697626
I'm attracted to all non-fat female friends. Boners or not.

>>17697594

That sounds like a cute and fun idea, especially if she loves animals. Although it may come off as a friends thing rather than a date, but if you don't know her too well yet it'll be a good chance to talk.

>>17697625

"I'm sorry for your loss" is fine, you can add on if you'd like that you're happy to listen if she wants to talk about it. But generally most people say sorry to hear that etc

Can never find her alone. Talk to her with her Best Friend or could that be a sign?
I ve never talked to her only a few glimpses exchanged and I added her on facebook while drunk stalking (rip).
How should I open the convo? We re in the same uni department and attend a few classes together.

Ladies

Where do you fug if the guy still lives with his parents?

Does waiting at his until they're asleep turn you off?

>>17697751

They don't.

And yes.

>>17697767
cheap hotel any better?

Reason is I'm saving up for a real house, not an apartment nor shitshack.

If a girl makes a joke about hooking up, does she mean it?

A group of girls Facetimed me a hour ago. I hooked up with one of the girls a few months back. The girls were complimenting me on how good I look and the one girl said "Maybe we should have another round." Help?

>>17697791
Unless you're just actively bringing girls over it or you're in your almost 30s/30s, it really wouldn't matter much.

That is, unless you have overbearing parents that are on your ass at all times.

>>17697860
I'm 24, big house, and my parents are invisible
Big house of my own in 1.5 years tho, hopefully. Gonna be hard making sexytime until then, plus have been dry for the past 2 years or so due to college and work.

>>17697751
Is it in a private enough part of the house that we can comfortably fuck regardless of their sleeping habits? Like a basement or the far side of the house?
Are they respectful of boundaries? Can you put on some music, a fan, and lock the door?

I do it. It depends on how young the girl is. I'm 21. It's more or less expected. If someone is moved out, they have roommates.

>>17697751
>>17697884
Living in a nice house with a nice family is better than living in a not so nice apartment just because it has more privacy. Times are tough so most people in their 20s still live at home and are saving for a house/apartment.

Just as long as you have an overall plan of moving out and you're actively working towards it, it's no problem at all.

>>17697884
If a girl in your 20s, specially in your early 20s is giving you shit for living with your parents in the current economy and age, then that's a dodged bullet.

>>17697558
They could totally lie about you being bad at sex, and they could totally have lied to you about having an orgasm.
Why would you think it's impossible to fake an orgasm? I'd understand that as a guy, since you can't really fake cum coming out.

>>17697459
>attempt to garner attention
Because I like friends, because I like to feel wanted, because I like to feel attractive, because I like hearing people's stories, because I like people....

>>17697268
Hey, congrats! Thanks for the update. I'm glad you didn't do something dumb like cancel. Good luck, dude!!

Hey girls, what do you think of guys with decent looks and personality bad teeth?

girls why do you tell old distgusting wrinkled cunt bags that theyre beautiful when you damn well know they arent?

my ex and I were together for 3 months and broke up a few days ago because he is too insensitive and I'm too emotional
he wanted to be less serious, didn't want any responsibility in the relationship (like being there for me when I'm upset), but wanted me to be monogamous to him
he said he still wanted me in his life to be friends, I was angry and said no
I broke down and texted him today about how much I miss him and how everything reminds me of him, he left me on read
how badly did I fuck up
what do i do

>>17698009
I think you should get veneers if they're crooked af, that shit is too distracting and feels weird when your tongue hits them while making out
but that's just what I'm assuming. define fucked up

>>17698054
uh you mean older women?
because most women don't base beauty around how fuckable a woman is.

>>17697931
Decent answer. Any more input on this? >>17697459

>>17698082
Decent? How can I give you a better answer, o anon?

>>17698076
>uh you mean older women?
yes you little smarty pants you
>because most women don't base beauty around how fuckable a woman is.
so you specifically refer to their physical beauty while commenting on a facebook pic because for reasons other than looks? i doubt that

>>17698076
>I broke down and texted him today about how much I miss him and how everything reminds me of him, he left me on read
>how badly did I fuck up
>what do i do
You didn't fuck up, you're fine. You fuck up if you take him back or fuck him again. Even then, those are resolvable fuck ups. I would be lying if I said I never slept with an ex.

Of course you're gonna be upset. That's understandable and expected. You two are incompatible. Nothing will change that. Nothing will change that, anon. You are incompatible and it will NEVER work.

You gotta work on moving on. That's a process that has ups and downs. You are on a down. But that doesn't mean that all the work you've done up to this point is moot. It'll get easier over time. It's only been a few days. You've got this, anon. Just give yourself time and distance yourself from him. He's not good for you. He's not good for you, anon. Don't delude yourself into thinking that it will work. It will not work and you need to move away from him.

>>17698076
>how badly did I fuck up
a lot.
You are adjust showing him that you'll crawl back to his dick no matter how bad he mistreats you.
Do a favor to yourself and block him from your phone and social media and never talk to him again.
I know you are stupid and would fall back again and fuck him at some point, but remember there's no one else to blame but your own stupidity.

>>17698076
African cavemen teeth

>>17698096
>>17698054

Beautiful looks =/= how fuckable something is.

A mountain is beautiful. I don't want to fuck it, though.

An older woman can be distinguished, and beautiful, and striking. I would comfortably describe an older wrinkly woman as beautiful. Particularly because wrinkles are a sign of a life that has been lived. I admire someone who has stuck it out.

But. Beyond my own definitions of beautiful, plenty people LIE about how someone looks. A lot of women base their value over their beauty. A lot of women base their value over their fuckability. Some other women might want to give the ugly fucker a good day by telling her that if she was a man, she'd love to rail that ugly fucker in the ass.

Because people lie to make other people feel better.

Because it isn't worth it to tell everyone how fucking ugly they are all the time.

Because sometimes someone is always complaining about how fuck ugly they are, and you want them to shut up for a couple minutes.

People lie! What do you want from us? Why does it bother you so much? Why does it bother me so much that you're bothered by people circle jerking?

We sit in a circle and shove our hands into the vaginas of the woman next to us. We say "you're a goddess." "He doesn't deserve someone as wonderful as you" "They just don't see how beautiful you are." "Of course your grasping fashion sense compensates for your extra 100 pounds." "You're beautiful. That's what's important. That you're beautiful, and you should feel good for being beautiful. Am I beautiful? Tell me I'm beautiful."

>>17698096
>yes you little smarty pants you
d'aw shucks

no silly I mean that like...for example
10/10 guys are attractive, but I wouldn't fuck them
5/10 guys can be attractive too, but that doesn't mean I want to fuck them
my mom is attractive, but I don't want to fuck her either
it's more like...um...a sort of an unbiased "you're beautiful" (sorry, can't think of the right wording)
a lot of guys tend to think attractiveness=level of fuckability

>>17698118
ok get veneers ASAP
no shame in the fake teeth game

>>17698111
>fuck him again
we've never even had sex, I'm the beta "wait until I'm in love" type
thank you though ): I just miss him so bad and everything was awesome except for the fact that when I got upset (sometimes at him for being too insensitive, or sometimes even at third party things) he just couldn't be emotionally available
which is why I miss him so much

>>17698112
I know I'm stupid, and I know I'll crawl back to him
he even called me self destructive, and told me he's surprised no one's severely abused me yet and that I'm lucky to have him
and he's kind of right, besides the lucky part. that's a bit condescending
I'm aware I'm the typical girl who will stay with a guy no matter what unless he beats me or cheats on me

HOW DO I PREVENT THIS THOUGH
I don't want to keep crawling back to him, and I can easily unblock him and probably will if I miss him again.

>23
>Apparently attractive as fuck.
>Go to Halloween party.
>Grab a lot of attention.
>Decide to go for a highschool classmate's 19 year old sister.
>Realize this bitch is way more experienced than me in everything.
>I wanna fuck, but my car broke.
>Can't do shit so I decide to just have fun with her.
>End up making out with her in the dance floor.
>Tell her I suck at kissing but am loads better south of the border.
>She reminds me I have no car.
>Retreat to sofas in club.
>Make out with her as best as possible.
>"You're not the 'worst' I've ever had."
>Eventually she has to leave 'cause curfew.
>(Fuck, I haven't had someone leave due to curfew since I was 19. Oh, wait).
>Spaghettily help her find her male friends I whisked her away from 3 hours before.
>Fist bump her good night.

How bad did I fuck up? We danced for hours and generally had fun, but I'm such a fucking pussy. I'm a god damn nerd in a potentially Chad body. What do?

>>17698137
inb4 (hopefully) some sheepfag says "well spoken!, literally my thoughts!"

>Beautiful looks =/= how fuckable something is.
>A mountain is beautiful. I don't want to fuck it, though.
i wasn't the person who brought "fuckable"

im talking about someone specifically telling an old haggard fuckbag that they are physically attactive when they dont even know this person. for example, a person they dont know personally, like a celebrity.

> Particularly because wrinkles are a sign of a life that has been lived. I admire someone who has stuck it out.
wrong it means your collagen has broken done. its an inevitable process or aging (unless your me). you can literally not do fucking anything and make it to old age.

>Because it isn't worth it to tell everyone how fucking ugly they are all the time.
well you could simply not compliment them. no one is forcing you to interact with someone. why not just ignore/avoid the old fuck entirely?

>Because sometimes someone is always complaining about how fuck ugly they are, and you want them to shut up for a couple minutes.
again, self-imposed ultimatum. noone is forcing you to say theyre beautiful or specifically not beautiful. you have the option to not to do anything, yet you dont take it. there's reasons for that

>People lie! What do you want from us? Why does it bother you so much? Why does it bother me so much that you're bothered by people circle jerking?
>We sit in a circle and shove our hands into the vaginas of the woman next to us. We say "you're a goddess." "He doesn't deserve someone as wonderful as you" "They just don't see how beautiful you are." "Of course your grasping fashion sense compensates for your extra 100 pounds." "You're beautiful. That's what's important. That you're beautiful, and you should feel good for being beautiful. Am I beautiful? Tell me I'm beautiful."

what ive surmised from this is youre contriving a circlejerk to protect your feelings because youre pathetic and weak?

>>17698151
>>17698151
>>yes you little smarty pants you
>d'aw shucks
that was sarcasm i think youre stupid for not figuring out the obvious

>>17698151
>it's more like...um...a sort of an unbiased "you're beautiful" (sorry, can't think of the right wording)
>a lot of guys tend to think attractiveness=level of fuckability

>projecting

>>17698151
>HOW DO I PREVENT THIS THOUGH
watch porn and masturbate a lot.

>>17698151
>everything was awesome except for HOW HE WAS TOO INSENSITIVE

Wow, so everything was good except for the things that made it bad? You NEED someone to be there for you. That's kind of an important part of a relationship. Don't kid yourself. You'll move on.

> told me he's surprised no one's severely abused me yet and that I'm lucky to have him

Dude, what the actual fuck. That sounds abusive. Y'know, the whole "NO ONE WILL LOVE YOU LIKE I DO. YOU NEED ME, YOU'RE WORTHLESS WITHOUT ME. IF YOU LEAVE ME YOU'LL JUST END UP WITH A DEADBEAT BABY DADDY AND YOU'LL COME BACK TO ME AND SAY I TOLD YOU SO"

There are men out there who will actually fucking care about you.

You need to get to a goddamn psychologist right fucking now, you hear me? Do not get yourself into this fucking stupid cycle of abuse. Because you'll end up like me and spend four goddamn years of your life with a man that you tell yourself you love, but deep down you'll realize later that you actually fucking hate him and everything he represents.
But it's awful because over all that, you'll hate yourself the most.

But you could also skip that part, and end up like the me who I am now. With a guy who actually has empathy skills, who actually cares about me, who knows about psychology and wants people to be happy. Fuck, I didn't think it was possible for me to get with a guy who was like this.

But it was! If I can do it, you can. But you have to go to a FUCKING GODDAMN PSYCHOLOGIST. PLEASE.

i really enjoy my friendship with this girl, but attraction to her is starting to get in the way

what do i do if i know i don't want the attraction to go anywhere

I need help!!

I'm having an anxiety attack.

girl who I like a lot, just told me "you're really cute :)". I'm feeling sick right now, like my stomach is churning, my heart rate is so high. I feel sick

Help

>>17698186
This is me being fucking upset with the circle jerk I have to live with with all the women in my life. I don't really participate in this fuckery, beyond when my mom asks me how she looks. Which of course I'm going to compliment my goddamn mom because I want her to be happy and feel comfortable in her body.

But still, why do you care so much that people like to make other people happy?

>>17698198
cut contact man.
I can see the cucking coming.

>>17698198
Lol calm down homie.
Dont text her toooo much and dont text her like a sap.
Ask her out :)

>>17698190
>that was sarcasm i think youre stupid for not figuring out the obvious
You not being able to put together I was responding to sarcasm with sarcasm shows you're stupid.
I was giving my opinion, so get over it.

>>17698193
Issue is I think of him when I masturbate.

>>17698195
Thank you anon. That really helped.
I know I deserve better, and I even told him that, but I guess I forget when I become lonely.
I know I need to see a psychologist. I was earlier this year because I was raped a year ago (hah go figure) but it just ended up being
>time heals all wounds

>>17698208

I did, and she said yes.

Fuck, I never get like this around girls. Ever. But THIS girl. She does this shit to me. Like, I think I'm intimidated because she's so cute, AND, we are like the same person. Like, our life passion is literally the same thing. we are so passionate about the same career path that we click so well. It's freaking me out cause it's too much, so awesome tho

>>17698198
>anxiety attack
You can't die from this. It'll just be uncomfortable. Let the physiological effects move through their course. Don't try to fight them, just look at them from a distance.

Reconnect yourself with your senses. Move through each and take a moment to acknowledge it.

>Sight
Look at something far away. Look at something really close. Find three things that are blue. Look outside.

>Sound
What do you hear? Maybe put on some music. Try to hear each instrument playing. There's the drums, there's the guitar, there's the vocals, there's the bass.

>Smell
What do you smell? Find some coffee beans, or smell your shampoo, or put your face in your pet's fur. Really mull over what it is and how you'd describe it.

>Feel
Touch your blanket, feel the texture. Recognize your body, the sensation of your clothes on your skin. Close your eyes. What position are you holding your legs in? Are you comfortable with where you are?

Come back to right now.

>>17698220
Sounds great man. The fact you have a ton of shit in common makes it easy. Means all ya gotta do is
>be yourself

I know its corny but it sounds like she likes you a lot already. Just keep on the path you on and you'll have ur qt in no time. Good luck!

Where are you guys going on your date?

>>17698210
>I was earlier this year because I was raped a year ago (hah go figure) but it just ended up being
>>time heals all wounds
Some psychologists suck. I've had my fair share of sucky ones. You kinda need to keep experimenting until you find someone you connect with. Try different types. This one focuses on cognitive behavioral therapy. This one does mindfulness therapy. This one works with children and young adults. This one works with just adults. This one is in a cutesy office next to a yoga studio. This one looks like a doctor's office.
Try young psychologists and old ones, men and women.
This ones focuses on sexual assault. This one focuses on women's issues. This one focuses on depression. This one focuses on codependency (which you likely have)

A lot of them do a thing where you can meet them for free the first time as a consultation. I've had a couple who do a cool thing where you only pay for the first visit if you want to proceed on to a second one.

It also comes back to you. Figure out what you want from them. You have to present your life to them. Don't get too caught up in telling your life story. Don't focus too much on a specific person.

Get more conceptual. "I'm scared that I'm stuck in a cycle of abuse. I want to understand why I'm ending up in abusive relationships, how to recognize them, how to leave them, and how to find someone who is good."


On the boy side of thing, I suggest looking at the people you don't pursue. I had a friend who I pretty much had to force her into her current relationship. She thought he had ulterior motives because he was too nice. She was only used to men who were flippant and rude. She thought that this nice guy wanted something from her. That he was just making fun of her. I told her, "Yeah. You're confused because he's nothing like your exes and nothing like your dad. He's a decent guy and you don't believe that's possible. Go on another date with him."

>>17698224

Thank you


>>17698233

Thanks. It's just overwhelming. Because this all randomly happened. I wasn't prepared. But, we are gonna get some coffee and sit out by the airport and watch planes take off and land

>>17698251
Thank you for all this advice. I'll try to go see some therapists soon.

I usually pursue old men. I'm pretty much exclusively attracted to guys 30-50

>>17698267
I can relate, I'm dating a guy nearly a decade my senior. It's working out for me because I'm being pretty damn open about my daddy issues and what not and he's being really kind about helping me without making a dynamic where I'm reliant on him.
Plus he lets me call him daddy when we fuck, so that's nice.

You might want to look into guys who are in the 25-30 range. Because the issue with older guys is less that they're older, and more this: Why are they dating someone who is your age? Are they more immature/unstable themselves? Do they like having an authority dynamic over someone else? Are they a little unaware of social norms?

>>17696054
this is very well written

also on a side note, can you guys tell which gender is talking just by the writing? without them saying male or female

>>17698279
Yeah, pretty much every guy I've been with knows I have issues with my parents.

>Plus he lets me call him daddy when we fuck, so that's nice.
See, that's what I like.
and I literally cannot find myself attracted to guys in their 20s or who look like they're in their 20s.

I've been with guys who went after younger girls because they're more immature, and I don't like them.
I think the authority dynamic is a nicer way of thinking of it, but obviously I don't like it when it gets abusive...

With my ex, he used reasoning like
>because your body is mine and I told you so
And that made me uncomfortable at times.
For example, he wanted me to wear no underwear on a date which made me really uncomfortable and get upset at him because I clearly established nothing sexual in person until we reach that "love" stage.
Then he got defensive and felt I was harping.
That's too much of an authority thing imo ):

I just want an older man who wants me because he sees I'm a little screwed up but wants to nurture me and care for me.

i need opinions

i had been seeing a guy for a little while, like 3 weeks, and we had sex almost immediately because i was super into him. however, it's now been a week and a half and he has not reached out to meet up with me again. i get the sense he is not that into me, and probably won't be reaching out.

at the same time, i have been seeing this guy who has been very sweet and nice to me, and is clearly more into me and than i him. i just find it difficult to be attracted to people.

i really am heartbroken about the first guy, and i can't stop thinking about him. do you think it's wise to pursue the second, just to get my mind off the first? or is it better to forget about both? i really think i'm not going to stop thinking about the first, and i really am finding it difficult to make myself more interested in the second. this really sucks all around.

what do you guys think would be better?

>>17698093
Oh, don't be like that.

>>17698310
Find out why you liked the first. Don't pursue 2nd. Find 3rd who resembles 1 but is still himself

>>17698307
>>because your body is mine and I told you so
Dude, no. That's really bad. I talk with my boyfriend about how he owns me, but he usually says right back that I own his body too. That is disturbingly bad bad bad. I am concerned that you aren't so confident about how utterly gross that is.

That kind of thing is fine in the bedroom, but it's all in jest, really. It SHOULD be a facade. A good Dom can look at your expression and see when you really are not comfortable, and he'll drop it right away. You shouldn't settle for anything less.

>I just want an older man who wants me because he sees I'm a little screwed up but wants to nurture me and care for me.

Totally. I've got that. It's really nice, NGL.

There's a lot of importance in patience and kindness. I had to teach him to really slap my ass and to choke me. But even then, I've noticed that when he's choking me, he doesn't have that slightly concerning hungry look in his eye like my ex did. He does it because he loves to see how much I love it. He's not sadistic at all. It's nice.

There's gotta be a balance to this. You don't have to go for some twink. But you really shouldn't go for a big old Sadist either. The give and take.

>>17698310
>what do you guys think would be better?
by killing yourself would make the life of anyone else involved better.
The first guy won't have to deal with your stupid clingyness and the second guy may find a woman that is not a cheap slut that puts out easily.
But yeah, guy 1 just wanted a quick fuck and if you though anything else was possible, you are deluded. I'd advice you to cut contact immediately unless you don't mind being use as a cumdumpster.
For the second guy, I honestly think you are better off finding someone with whom you share the same level of mutual attraction and don't just use you are the fuckholes you clearly are.

>>17698313
I was being silly, but really. I can be more specific if you want.

>>17698310
Why don't you contact the first guy? Are you testing him or something? He might not be contacting you because you've let it go this long, and he thinks you aren't into him anymore.

>>17698324
>>17698326

I don't know why I liked the first, it was just a physical attraction.

Also I am definitely not clingy. I haven't texted him for that reason, left it at "if you want to hang out, let me know". Honestly I'm a pretty low maintenance fwb kind of person.

Also I hadn't had sex in literally months so yeah I may have put out a little easier than normal but I'm not fucking every guy that crosses my path. That's why I don't want to lose this 2nd guy because I definitely do like him somewhat.

>>17698325
>That kind of thing is fine in the bedroom, but it's all in jest
Yeah, in another argument when he used the "My body" line, I said this ("It's really my body, stuff I say when my hand is inbetween my legs doesn't apply to real life" or something, idr) and he called me rude later on for it.

>slightly concerning hungry look in his eye
I'm sorry but this made me laugh a bit lol

How old is your boyfriend? How did you meet him?
I really want that sweet older man who treats me like his princess and wants to nurture me and "fix" me a little. I'm happy for you that you have that!

>>17698338
it was unstated that he would text me when he wanted to hang out again, and he hasn't.

he was texting me when we first started seeing each other and isn't anymore. i think because i get shy around guys i like i fucked it up the time we met up, so i'm just pretty certain i won't be hearing from him.

>>17698345
Also, another weird thing is, I tend to be attracted to men who aren't very attractive.
Like I know I'm cute/kinda hot, but for some reason I have 0 attraction to men who are really mainstream attractive
I think it might be because I feel like they'll value me more if I date down (as mean as that sounds), but it doesn't really end up happening

>>17698310
Second guy doesn't deserve that shit. Take some time off, focus on getting over the first guy. Don't put someone else through what you just went through for no good reason.

How do I convince my boyfriend to get a vasectomy? I don't want to get pregnant right now and I HATE the smell of condoms. I can't take birth control because of other medication I take. And I don't want to get my tubes tied because I might want kids in the future and it's much easier to reverse the procedure for men (assuming I'm still with him). So yeah, vasectomy is really the best option, but he seems reluctant. Any ideas?

>>17698390
Kill yourself.

>>17698385
is it really so crazy to try and take things slowly with another guy, if i do find i CAN get attracted to him.

my problem with guys is that i always go for the same type that are ok at first and show themselves to be kind of shitty after a little while.

this 2nd guy is the first guy that is actually super nice and respectful to me, and i think maybe i'm just not used to that? i do like him and hanging out with him. honestly it's just the sexual attraction part that's making me hesitant in continuing to see him cause i know he wants to go that way, and i don't think i'm feeling it quite yet.

>>17698345
My boyfriend is 30 and I met him through an art project. It was pretty much instantaneous how compatible we were and I made the first move.

I got out of my last relationship about a year and a half ago. I suggest working on yourself and not focusing too much on this. I let it become a hobby a year ago. I was spending a lot of time online and going on different dates. Online older guys are bad news, let me tell you.

Get yourself a better hobby than that. Particularly creating something. Drawing, sculpting, sewing, music. I am a lot stronger than I was before. The best part of my relationship is that while I enjoy that he does help make decisions and things, I really do feel like equals. I don't NEED him to fix me. I'm doing pretty damn well.

He encourages me to not put him in a position to make me do something. He tries to let me make my own priorities. When I say, "I should go do my homework", and then just keep kissing him, he might jokingly laugh, "What was that about your homework?", but he does say to me that I need to decide on my own if I can stand putting it off or if I need to go do it. He's good at not making an extra effort to tempt me, but he won't push me away either.

You really should aim for being independent. It's not a good dynamic to really rely on someone to run your life. It's tempting and it's really nice to relinquish that responsibility. When it comes down to it though, we are adults! And we need to take care of ourselves. We should be our own highest priority.

We've also explicitly talked about all this. Everything. I don't feel like I'll scare him away or that he'll act weird if he knows my issues. If you don't feel that comfort and trust, that is a big red flag.

>>17698367
Yeah, I also find mainstream attractive men a little too intimidating. With the men you pick, I'd suggest watching their health. My ex was overweight with no muscle mass and it really became a problem. He couldn't keep up with me when walking and he made me do all the work for sex. It was awful.
There is nothing sexier than a man who is physically healthy and emotionally stable!

>>17698418
>is it really so crazy to try and take things slowly with another guy, if i do find i CAN get attracted to him.
It's fine to take things slowly. The issue is he's your backup. Let's be honest, if the first guy stopped acting retarded would you really pick the latter guy over the former? Probably not.

>honestly it's just the sexual attraction part that's making me hesitant in continuing to see him cause i know he wants to go that way, and i don't think i'm feeling it quite yet.
Yeah, no. I've been in his position. It's not a fun one. Your actions have consequences, and even you've stated that you're just not that into him.

>>17698359
>unstated
That's dumb. Send him a text.

>>17698442
>He couldn't keep up with me when walking
Just how large was he? During a nasty period of my life I ballooned up to 330 lb at 6'2" with a sedentary lifestyle. I can't even imagine being unable to keep pace with someone walking.

>>17698390
Get an IUD. There are non hormonal ones.

>>17698451
I like to walk fast and far.

Girls,

if I was your boyfriend, how seriously would you take my interests in certain films, books and people into account when deciding if we are compatible? As in see it as a reflection of me and my character and not just something I just like?

>>17698445
I really don't think I'd be hurting him though. The first one is definitely done. If he did text me back, I'd probably tell him that I can sense he's not that into me and I don't want to see him further.

>>17698447
I was always the one texting him. I promised myself I would not do it again. I am clearly more into him, and he knows I asked him his schedule and to set things up with me when we were last together.

>>17698457
>As in see it as a reflection of me and my character
It does reflect somewhat. It goes more into why you like them rather than what they are.
It's a very surface level thing. I'd be more upset about the things you didn't like. If you absolutely detested everything I loved, that would kind of suck for trying to set up watching movies together.

But there's also a lot more to life than that.