Black raptor therapy

I recently met girl online and we have been just been messaging a lot. I'm a neet so I'm lonely and don't have much contact with women. I became infatuated and I told her I like her and she just said she thought we were just really good friends and doesn't want to ruin that. I want to stay friends but not sure if it's going to work out, we haven't talked for a few days since I said it.

>>17689137
I'm not the raptor , but the girl doesn't like you because you are a needy NEET, and trying to stay friends with the woman is a comprise the kid part of you is making in hope of sex or compassion that will never happen to you .

Drop the girl and make yourself better .

>ask girl out to study last week
>says yes and we study , had plans to leave but decided to stay an extra 45 minutes and study with me , fucking over a friend
>ask her again to study
>says yes , meeting Saturday again
>seems cute and i like her a little , never been in a relationship before
>gonna ask her out after we're done, something like "Doing anything tomorrow ? Can I take you out for a walk and get somewhere to eat afterword (instead)?" Assuming she isn't busy
Sounds good ? Do you think she likes a me a little too ?

>>17689181

>Sounds good ? Do you think she likes a me a little too ?

Keep pushing forward. Don't feel the need to stop every five minutes and wander around searching for validation that you're doing the right thing.

Be nervous. Be scared. Be unsure of yourself. Living in these feelings and overcoming them is how we gain confidence, make mistakes and learn from them.

We don't know if she likes you. Whether or not we think she does should have no bearing on whether or not you should attempt to develop a relationship with her. If you like her, go for it.

Everything in life is a calculated risk. From what you've described it seems to be going well. Its ok to be nervous and unsure of yourself. If you need us to give you a pat on the back and encourage you then thats fine but we can't direct you on what to do next. We can't decide when and how you should seize your moment, only you can.

You'll find your confidence with time just don't psyche yourself out of following your gut and pursuing things and people that make you happy. You will fuck up and thats ok.

>>17689137
>so, I got friend zoned
Fear not fellow neet, I have your solution!:

So what you should do is not not contact her, otherwise you ruined even the just friends part, and it is obvious that you asked that of her a little too early, and her is how you fix it:

1. Do something fun with her; even if you do it as friends, to actually go do something remotely fun will give you both a chance to get to know each other better, far or close to each other, use your imagination, think up of something, suggest it to her, and if it works out, just do it.

2. Do it more often; if females like anything, it is to feel noticed or has been given attention by SOMEONE, as you talk and do things with her, notice the different things about her, remember whatever she has told you about herself, and when suitable, bring it up, the more she lets you know about her, and the more you acknowledge her, the closer you both get, just as long as you don't force it.

3. Share with her: whatever the heck you share, weither it is something about yourself or just a secret hideout or whatever, as the saying goes; "sharing is caring" and someone who is at least a little selfless is better than some of the selfish jerks that think they are alpha nowadays, but as long as you don't be narsasistic, you don't need to praise yourself too much.

And that should be quite a bit of help, any questions or concerns, let me know and I will address them when I can, feedback is appreciated, but optional.

Black raptor out!

>>17689181
>>17689203
He petty much has the ball here, but I figured I add on to that.

Like he said, being in confident and unsure is ok, but don't let that consume you, because what happens inside can show telltale signs outside and if you suffering in any form of overunconfidence, she will feel as if it is her fault, and think the problem is her, however, this is why you are asking her out: because you are unsure, so your best option is to acknowledge that you are unsure, but be daring to venture forth, making the difference between the undesirable fear and the desirable courage, because courage is the will to venturing into the unknown, as fear is the refusal to step foot into the unknown factor.

And if you are observant enough, if she was reluctant when you asked to study with her, than she is not sure about liking you, but if she was nearly excited or close to it, then that means she was looking forward to being around you, you can apply this to when you ask her out, speaking of which;

Don't be vague about what you want to do with her, maybe stopping by this place blah blah is not going to cut it! Instead say, "hey, how about this/next morning/afternoon/evening/etc, I can take you out to go get some coffee/tea/beer/watch this movie/etc! If you like?" And that will let her be informed about what you want to do with her, making her choice towards you easier, something you want.

So that shall give you a good start, increasing your chances of a hook.

If you have any further questions/concerns/details/etc, let me know!

And feedback is optional, but appreciated!

This should help a lot

Black raptor out!

How do i get over my crush? I've waited too long and eventualy she hooked up on with some other guy. I dont usually care too much but i have such strong feelings about her and my stomach literally hurts just from thinking about her and how i fucked up.

>>17689281
Thanks . As for being observant , I'm not sure . She wasn't super excited , but I would definitely not say she was hesitant or reluctant at all. More neutral leaning toward the good side .

>>17689298
Concentrate your energy of trying to be her bf, and instead be the best of a friend you can be, weither she ends up breaking up with him or not, most likely she will, but don't get your hopes up.

If she doesn't, you will be her #1 friend she can count on when things get tough and/or he is somehow not there for her at the moment. Be the best friend you can be.

And if she does break up with him, then all that work you did being a better friend will make it easier to be her next boyfriend, just give her time and comfort at first, no one wants to end a relationship and then be suddenly rushed into another one.

But while you are waiting, don't just focus on her, as far as you know, she is taken, so just work on something or someone else, however path you feel is best for you

And who knows, maybe being her friend more will introduce you to her other friends, who might just be your next crush to work on.

I have been in that situation before many times, and it sucks, but all paths are better than just waiting,

Let me know if you have any questions/concerns/details and I will address them when I can

Feedback is optional, but appreciated!

>>17689318
That from what I take it, means that you have a good chance, but don't assume it fully means that it's 100% in the bag.

Black raptor out!

>>17689387
I dont know if being her friend is right move for me. I've tried that 6-7 years ago with one girl i also liked and i just suffered even more from being close with her but limited to just friendship.

Im not sure wether i should just completely distance myself from her although we go in the same class so it will be kinda hard or just tell her how strong my feelings are and hope for something.
This really made me an emotinal wreck and im usually cold as ice so im having hard time dealing with it.

>>17689436
Well, in that case, don't distance yourself too much, as it will make you seem too far for her, just hold your ground, and try some of the other things, it sucks when you start to do other things, but it will get better enough for you to eventually retain her friendship without having too much hurt emotions, eventually
Black raptor out!

how do i get a job i don't hate if i want to kms 90% of the time and don't even have the energy to engage my hobbies anymore?

getting any sort of professional help is not an option unless i move out, which i can't afford. I don't have any particular skills, but do have a small amount of money (~8k?) saved up. What do I do?

Posted in a couple other threads, but maybe you have some insight?


Girl behaves noticeably different towards me than towards other people.
She seems kinda shy or nervous almost. But she is always "busy" when I try to meet up with her. (but claims that we should hangout, but never gets back to me)

I really don't know what her deal is.

If she saw me as just a friend, she would probably treat me the same as any other friend

If she saw me as more, then I would think that she would wanna do something one on one, and get back to me about meeting up

If she saw me as neither, she wouldn't carry on long conversations with detailed replies. Wouldn't claim that we should hang out, wouldn't have given me her number without hesitation


Shit she does or did towards me:

>She is shy, and kinda doesn't acknowledge me unless I say something, then we can talk for a good while without issue. This is even when it is just us standing next to each other before class.

>Does not initiate texts, but is willing to talk for hours with detailed replies once I get her going

>I have seen her looking at me from a distance, sometimes locking eyes.

>When I asked for her number, she took my phone and punched it in. (It was the actual number, obviously)

>When I asked her to grab lunch the first time, she said she was busy that weekend, so I offered up Monday, which she accepted.


Last spoke almost two weeks ago.

> "Hey, are you free anytime soon? I would like to grab coffee and chat"

> "Hey! I'll have to get back to you on it. Taking 7 classes this semester on top of working the two jobs and getting stuck babysitting this weekend has been filling up my schedule."

> "No worries. I just figured that we should meet up soon"

> "Definitely!"

I was teaching my classmates a lesson but I ended up going mostly kinda quiet and just did the problem. While I did that, the guy classmate was getting really into it but the girl looked uncomfortable and bothered and wasn't really paying attention even though she was into other problems we did together.

I'm going to study again with both of them tomorrow before our test. What should I do to make the girl more excited or involved?

>>17689560
>>17689569
I will get to you guys in a sec, just have to do the teacher first
>>17689627
Ok teachermon, if I may call you that, which I will do for now,

I personally have graduated high school,
And what kind of things teachers did with me and that I had remembered the most goes as followed:

1. They made learning sessions fun, exciting, and interactive

2. They gave systems for certain school task easily rememberable.

3. They made even the hardest questions have a way to solve them easier

I can't exactly get into specifics since I don't know what subject you teach exactly, but I will go with the general explanation of each:

1. What I mean by fun and exciting doesn't necessarily mean ditch your schedule and watch a movie, but to do something that isn't giving them a craptonne of work to do and just go to your desk and do other work until the class ends, expecting them to teach themselves, not that you do that, it is obvious that you don't, I just had teachers that have done that, but rather be creative, excited, different, while staying on topic, as an example of what I mean is that math teachers have created rap songs that explains how to solve Pi and other quadratic formulas, and science teachers have done LEO (lose electron oxidize) goes GER (gain electron reduction) as kids responded to learning better from sessions that included music and comedy, make it cool for the girl to help answer the question you provide, they just need encouragement, because some kids just don't feel confident enough to answer it? And some times they get it wrong, but you help them answer smaller questions that lead to the previous question, then give them a second shot at the previous question, the dude that was interested in you was cause you did the work for him pretty much, but if you lead the class along to answer the question for you, then that brings it into 2.

Part 1 of 2

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>>17689627
>>17689801
Ok part 2 of 3

With 2. You insert the systems that seem like "cheat sheet" systems, but are more systems like LEO goes GER, BP DOG (beginning, paragraph, details, organization, goodwill) for English. Pretty much it is psychological fishing with them, you encourage them to come closer till they bite the bait. Anything that seems interesting, they'll remember, a memory of an example, that's not the best one, but very memorable, was when my science teacher substituted for religion class got tired of all the religious crap and pretty much went on a huge rant about science vs religion that pretty much taught us most of the Darwinian theory that we had a test on the next day, and let me just say that helped a lot, which brings us to 3.

3 just means dumbing it down a bit, but not too much that you think they are retarded, and explain step 1 to last step, find a way to make it resemble mainstream culture, and repeat it to them a many times and they will get it,
An example would be what I would have done in math class, as my math teacher was one of the teacher types that I mentioned, but they had trouble with unit conversions, which where the 1000 meters = 1 kilometre stuff, so I would have taken Pokémon go as it example, ask them how many kilometres to get one eevee candy in Pokémon go, someone will answer 5, then ask how many strides it takes to get one eevee candy, they won't know, then you tell them if one stride = 1 meter, how many strides will it take to get to 1 kilometre, a person will most likely answer 1000, then you ask how many it will take to get 1 eevee candy, someone says 5, and there you go, you can get it to do surface area and volume by getting the subject to walk the whole surface area of a soccer field, etc. and they would remember that ever time they played Pokémon go.

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>>17689817
>>17689627
Finally part 3

So that should help, sorry I took so long, if you have any questions/concerns/details, then let me know and I will address them, girl students like interacting and guy students like easiness,

I pretty much had to teach my science class for 1 year and my math for 2

Feedback is optional, but appreciated!

Good luck with your teaching ventures, as I hope this will help

Black raptor out!

>>17689569
I would have dismissed it as "trying to be polite but just wanted to be friends" type if it weren't for the
>looking at you from a distance

As that indicates she is the hybrid of the "I am shy and insecure and I am just going to lurk around you until something gets senpai to notice me like how Bella got Eric from twilight" and "man, I really want to ask this guy out but I am totally swamped with work and school and he really tried with me and I hate myself and I want to die so much" types, but I have a big simple solution: ask her when she is available, and what she wants to do.if you let yourself be flexible, then that will, in a way, make her want to give you a shot.

Also, with all her stresses and time crunches, be prepared for a lot of venting, and just bring a lot of understanding to the table, as she will need it, and that will definitely help you out a lot.

And don't be too disappointed when she has to cancel something, she will be more frustrated about it than you, you just need to be understanding, optimistic, and chill about, and "ok, I can wait for you" when she says she will make it up to you, because she WILL make it up to you eventually, and when she does, it definitely WILL be worth it.

And when you get to the point where she is like "I'm sorry, I'm horrible and I am never here, you deserve better" stage, you be like "no you're not, your amazing, very fun to be around, all I deserve is you, you mean my world, I can only have fun with you, etc, etc, com here you" and just embrace her like they do it in the movies she watches, cause a soft gooey caring soul that is there for her when she needs you most is the kind of guy she is looking for all along.

Not going to lie, this will help you out a lot, if you have any questions/concerns/additional details, let me know and I will address them when I can.

Feedback is optional, but appreciated!

Black raptor out!

>>17689627
Just realized your a student, but the same should still apply, good luck!

Black raptor out!

Your leading post is faggy as shit op. Stop name fagging up adv.

>>17689114
>Be me
>20, college student
>Have friend circle
>One friend I kind of have a thing for
>She's not gorgeous by any means, but has some cute features/body
>She gets my kind of humor and actively participates in it. We flat out insult each other but it's all in teasing, and we have good laughs
>It's all in group hangouts, we don't hang out one on one
>From so far, we share similar interests
Finally, a girl that actually seems interesting to me
>She's like me in the way that we're very abrasive/reserved people. Not shy, but we have no problem saying how things are
>I find that aspect of her really attractive, a cut and dry woman who's not afraid to say what's on her mind, but can also have a good laugh
>Haven't asked her out because while I'm attracted to her and I like her personality SO FAR, I don't have a crush on her
>No butterflies, nervousness, nothing. Although I do fantasize about her romantically and sexually
>Feel like I can be myself around her
>Although, something in my gut tells me it wouldn't work
>Maybe it's fear of rejection, lack of confident in my own looks/personality, but past the times I make her laugh and smile, I can't feel like I'd have a shot with her.
>It's impossible to get a read on her because she is very reserved/deadpan expression half the time


Any suggestions on whether or not I should ask her out, and if so/no, why?
I'm not crazy in need of a relationship right now, but I do like entertaining the idea of being with her. I find her presence addicting in a way. Yet, like stated before, I don't have typical "crush" symptoms around her.

So black raptor, here's my situation. There's this girl in my university's marching band with me. Over the course of the semester we've become pretty good friends, and she's started to confide in me a bit, mainly about her problems with depression.

She's a really great person and I've started to fancy her recently. How would I go about trying to see if our friendship could develop into something closer?

>>17689560
Unfortunately, that is a topic that bogged most of us a lot, but fear not, I have some helpful suggestions:

Know that you are not working there forever (or for long at least): when I work at the last job that I really hated, I realized many things from the day that I quit, 1 of them is that I knew I was not going to work there forever, so that way I didn't feel trapped in an unsatisfiable savagely vicious cycle that would tear me down day by day, I just needed something to tell me that this torture ends someday and I would laugh at all of the days That I see someone else working my job already and that I am free from what will soon be his or her next burden.

Take your job with a slight bit of humour: for me, in ranged from all the ridiculous ways I would quit to making plans of how I would kill everyone and get away with it, which sounds very wrong, but they are so crazy that you are never going to end up doing any of them, they are just there for your personal entertainment, and I wasn't the only one, trust me, I checked, a guy I used to work with thinks up if dead baby jokes, which are like demonic bad humour.

Figure out things in your workspace that would make your job easier: when you feel confident enough, and you have enough room for error, try experimenting! See if things can be made to work in your favour, sometimes it's both entertaining and productive.

make a plan: a plan that will get you from where you are now to where you want to be, and think up all the stuff in the middle, and lots of research, that way you can know exactly when you are able to quit, and move on to the next phase of your master plan.

So that should help you survive your next line of work, I would strongly suggest researching and upgrading your resume to increase chances for being able to apply to a better line of work.
If you have any questions/concerns/additional details, let me know and I will address them when I can
Feedback is optional,but appreciated!

>>17689925
Whatever, I have better shit to deal with than your half assed shitposting

When you are done wasting time and space, I will be here helping people the best I can.

Choose what you will, it is up to you whatever you type.

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>>17689943
>>17689979
Working on you two, give me a sec

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>>17689943
Well, this I must say is interesting indeed, but first off: just go for it, you don't really have anything to lose, awkward moments can be forgotten, when you remember them down the road, you will laugh and be glad you did that when you did, however it turns out.

Now, next subject, since she I guess likes it when you bring it straight with her you are going to ask her if you can ask her if you can say something serious to her, and when she lets you, say it to her with all the thick honesty, and don't get offended if she laughs, she is trying to figure if you really want to be serious with her, and then asks her what she thinks of you, and don't get too offended of anything painfully honest about you, but when it seems suitable, ask her if she thinks you both should try it out, and suggest whatever date you have planed or maybe she has other plans she wants to do with you, for all I know, she could be thinking the same thing, heck, she could be on 4chan right now, and I am going to stop there before I get so meta that I attract fridge magnets, but that is where I think you should go from, but hey, it's just therapy, black raptor therapy! (Yeah, I know that I referenced a YouTuber and I should feel horrible, I'm working on it)

Questions/concerns/details, let me know!

Feedback is optional, but appreciated!

Black raptor out!

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How can I fix my depression and anxiety without seeing a doctor or therapist? I really don't want to talk to someone about my problems because it makes me super uncomfortable and I also get really emotional and cry uncontrollably when trying to explain whats going on in here.. (Besides random strangers on the internet lol) and I have tried for the past 10 years to fix my mental state on my own with changing my diet and working out and thinking positively, but here I am. So I feel like medicine would do me wonders, but don't wanna talk to doctor. Whats really fucking me up is that my depression causes me to binge, I see how fat and disgusting I am, people comment on my weight, clothes dont fit right, ect. So all that brings on more depression, deepening the cycle. I feel like I can't escape. I know you probably can't give me any advice other than seeing a doctor, so I don't know why I typed all of this...I guess just to put it somewhere besides my head.

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>>17689979
Personally, if I where speaking in your shoes, I would just tell her that I think she is an interesting person who has a wonderful personality, that deserves better than what life has given her, and then I would just ask her if she wouldn't mind going on a date with me, saying that it would mean the world to me if I can just at least try to bring her some joy, because she deserves it.

Pretty much the goal is to let her know of all the awesome things that she is to you, and just explaining that you want to be a bf as good as her, because her personality needs to hear someone relate to her all the good they see in her and to be that type of person she thought she was too incompetent to have: a boyfriend.

Hope that helps, as I have indeed been inside the heads of many depressed people... but I am not going to dwell on that!

Questions/concerns/details, let me know!

Feedback is optional, but appreciated!

Black raptor out!

>>17690068
Part of beating depression is forcing yourself to talk about it. I cried in nearly every therapy session I had for my depression. There's nothing weak at all about going to therapy, and it will do you wonders. You've been fighting this battle on your own for 10 years, try something new. I promise you if you push yourself out of your comfort zone and pursue treatment that it will help you. I'm not even specifically talking about the treatment, I mean pushing yourself to do something you don't want to do for the sake of helping yourself. That alone is a major first step in helping yourself heal and overcome depression.

Also to the OP - please stop ending all your posts with "black raptor out". We can see your name, we know who you are.

>>17689114
i live with two people who are falling head over heels with each other. I'm starting to pick up territorial stuff, the female doesn't help out with housework beyond their two rooms, I handle 95% of dishes and common area cleaning, she doesn't talk to me hardly at all besides literal noises and sounds, etc. What should I do? Should I move?

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>>17690068
Well, I have something that you really need to do as well;

I know you don't want to talk about it to anyone face to face, but the first step to getting better is letting someone know so they can find you help, even if you just write a letter to somebody, you need to, because I personally went through my paranoid schizophrenia/psychosis for about 10 years as well, ironic enough, hoping that I will get better at dealing with it and become more numb to it.

But the reality of it was that it nearly put me into the hospital, as me constantly seeing death after death, grieving and suffering and pain from one person to another, and also feeling it physically all the time, some of the victims where depressed people put in a corner, each death was just as painful as the first, and with family stresses being taken out on me all the time, I had enough because if I didn't tell somebody, I would have ended up doing something that those chronically depressed people did.

And trust me, the therapist will let you take your time to explain it to them, and you can bring someone with you to explain it to both the therapist and the doctor.

The first step is the most hardest one to take, it was for me, but it better to say it while your still sound than from the suicide note in your cold dead hand

Sorry for all the triggers, I just needed to get my point across, it was not easy for me to relate those things from my head without triggering memories

But yeah, THIS is something you should really do, ask whatever else you feel you need from me, I can tell you more about what therapy is like.

Black raptor out!

>>17690083
Ok, will do

>>17689917
I basically did what you said with just asking when she is free. Basically she didn't get back to me yet (been 2 weeks. The messages are in my op) as for asking what she wants to do, I could try that at some point. But not yet. Too soon still

But everything else makes sense, it is kinda what I would so.

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>>17690109
If you feel that moving is the best for yourself, than do it, but if you are going to move, you best plan it out how you are going to go from point A to point B, because the last thing you need is to move out and not have anywhere to move into,

You should first try to address the issue to both of them and see if you can get things to change, but if you end up being stuck with something that you can't seem to get out of, no matter what you do, then that might be your que to move out.

>>17690378
Yeah, seems like that you are going to have to play a little bit of the waiting game with her, but eventually she would want to do something with you, hang in there mate

And sorry about the delay, it had gotten late and I dozed off to sleep, but it's morning and I am up now!

Questions/concerns/details, let me know!

Feedback is optional, but appreciated

>>17690832
>Yeah, seems like that you are going to have to play a little bit of the waiting game with her, but eventually she would want to do something with you, hang in there mate


This is the second time that I got the whole "We should definitely meet up" thing from her.

But yea, I guess that I would be best off to just wait and see. But its been just about 15 days so far.

I bet that she won't get back to me. She has never once messaged me first. (Except on my birthday, but it kinda carrying on a conversation from the night before)

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Im still so sick. Im so tired I wont be happy until I can lay in bed and sleep forever. I dont want to live like this. About to lose my job, and I know my mom wishes she never had me. People (including docs) say Im just lazy or depressed or making excuses but I want to live a normal life so bad. I constantly feel like I took a heavy sleeping pill. I cant do this anymore. Im just too scared to kill myself. Twelve hours of sleep and then massive tiredness again. Help me.

>>17689114

I'm still reeling from a break up, it's been 3 weeks and it took this long to finally commit to it, my ex is incredibly confused about her life and made it hard to stop all contact with her but through many talks we got to this stage. She basically wants to be alone and to experience independence for once in her life as she is now 23 and doesn't feel like she knows herself. At the same time she doesn't want to lose me, and that is why these last 3 weeks have been her trying to take back what she initially said and she wants to be able to stay together but after discussing it a lot I have pushed for her to take this time for herself like I know she wants/needs and to move on from me. She still has faith we will wind up back together but I feel a little bit like a doormat if I allow that to happen in the future. I'm moving on for now and don't know what the future holds but this was very hard for me to go through and I don't want to risk it happening again. She claims it's not anything to do with other guys but solely for herself and character building, I believe this somewhat but I know in a few months once the dust is settled we will likely both be seeing other people. I don't know what I'm asking here, basically just an opinion on the situation, if she tries to come back to me in the future should I allow it? It's fucked up because we both still love each other and there was nothing really wrong with the relationship, we basically broke up because of her feelings about herself.

>>17690845
Have faith in yourself, Rome was not built in a day, and it was not built in 15 either, 15 days does seem long, but I have heard it could take as much as 3 months, and let me tell you, she is definitely Rome.

>>17690862
>>17690891
Will be with you guys in a sec, just working down the list

>>17690931
>Have faith in yourself, Rome was not built in a day, and it was not built in 15 either, 15 days does seem long, but I have heard it could take as much as 3 months, and let me tell you, she is definitely Rome.

I suppose that may be true.

But I've known her since January, and been speaking to her since march. (hung out once in April)

And the last time we "Agreed" to meet up at some point was around Mid-May... She never reached out

For what its worth, we actually had a little bit of a falling out in June. I basically accused her of lying (She said that she had a graduation that weekend, and a family part that day. I didn't believe her. Turned out it was true) I apologized in August, and she accepted and said it is just that shes been stupidly busy that summer.

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>>17690862
Trust me, I have been there, done that, and bought the t-shirt, in fact, I'm still wearing that t-shirt, but anyhow, it is definitely good to vent about it, because people when you try to tell them that just don't want to hear bad things and they just are unable to understand what you are trying to say and try to get you to say it in a way they understand even though you don't want to do that. And you are very frustrated, and for very good reason, dealing with a major life issue alone and suffering it's burdens on your shoulders.

The sleep issue is just from the depression taking up so much energy out of you that your brain feels that you have to sleep a lot to recover it, but don't listen to it, it's counter productive, because when you wake from your long slumber, your grogginess eats up all that energy just to make you tired again, when the depression of other people sort of leached on to me, I had to find excuses to keep myself busy so I couldn't let myself take a long nap. As for the "people think I'm lazy, could do better, using excuses" thing, that is very normal, as I have a time displacement issue, people constantly thought I was using it as an excuse and that I could do things much faster, cause I am apparently "painfully slow to watch" which I keep telling them that if it is that painful, than stop watching me, but it took my therapist to get it, as she had understood that I can't do better and I don't want to use it as an excuse, but I just can't help it.

As for your job and mother, ignore your mother if she really does think that, and just readjust your job and yourself so that way it can be easier, talk with your employer, get checked out by a doctor so he can diagnose you and get a doctors note to explain to your employer to help make your job much easier.

Hope this can help, questions/concerns/details, let me know!

Feedback is optional, but appreciated!

I'm not sure how to adequately explain myself or what my problem is. I'm stuck in a rut that I feel I can never break out of, and I've been this way since I was a child.

I'd like to improve my life, but I don't think it's possible for me. I lack the ability to plan a career or form relationships. I don't have the discipline or mental stability to adhere to long term goals. I also don't really value anything.

My mind works in cycles. Everything that happens to me feels like it's already happened before. I don't really have any control over what I think or feel. Sometimes I think I should commit suicide. Other times, I think that's incredibly foolish. It can't be controlled through reason. Both points of view can be reasonable. Anything I think I'm doing to break out of this cycle only end up perpetuating it.

What do I do?

>>17690891
I am sort of going through what your ex is going through, and she pretty much leans on you because your her safety net, since she hasn't the ability to know herself better, she just knows that you are there for her and depends on you to help her, I depend on a voice in my head to help me find myself, so she is somewhat better off than me, and if you can't help her as a boyfriend, than do it as a best friend, and giving her space to find herself a little is a good call, and you can try to find other people, but if in the end you both couldn't really find anyone and you both feel like giving it another shot, then by all means do it, because if you couldn't find someone other than her, and vice versa, then that's a sign that a second shot is needed

Anyhow, that's my input, questions/concerns/details, let me know!

Feedback is optional, but appreciated!

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>>17690990
Ok, so after losing my thread, and then getting it back again, I am back!

Ok, so the cycling thing with your depression is called depressive cycling, which could range from cycling from certain seasons to just certain months or even just certain types of weather, and it is quite common among the depressed range of patients. Eventually you just wait until it recycles out of the tough bits, I know, easier said than done, but it works.

The rut thing I know firsthand, it's always that you really want to expand your horizons, and every time you want to go do something, somebody else has their shit pop up and you have to set your thing to the side for another day and help them with their shit and they say this is the only time but they do this all the fucking time and the only thing you feel you can do is walk in the same rut and put off getting out of that rut day after day, I feel yeah, you just have to take every opportunity where you can, explore every option, and to not stall or have any second thoughts on it, because that is the main killer of your life.

And with the "I want to improve my life but I don't think it's possible with mentality and discipline crap" we, the secret to that part of life is that the mentality and discipline crap is not a given skill, it is an acquired skill, you experiment, try things, come up with ideas, and you succeed, and you fail, but in the end, you learn from it, and you get better at it, the more effort you dedicate to it, the more and the faster you learn. You miss 100% Of the shots you don't take, even if there are restrictions, their is ALWAYS a way around them, and if your depression comes back to haunt you, don't listen to that voice, it's just bad company that is afraid of feeling it's problem alone. You deserve to take the chance when it comes without a second thought, and it is alright to ask for help along the way!

Part 1 of 2

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>>17691327
>>17690990
Ok now part 2

And for what else you should do? You should make a plan for yourself that explains how to get from now to where you want to be, which should consist of different paths with different goals, both big and small, to give you tons of room and lots of options, and what you should add on to that is to have small successes and to appreciate all that is good and/or gained, the small successes should be your own small successes of your goals and plan, because it is just another step towards the right direction, and if you even appreciate a small amount of good, then that right there is enough to deal with the craptonne of shit.

Hope this has been the answer you have been looking for, and just earn the confidence for yourself, questions/concerns/details, let me know!

Feedback is optional, but appreciated!

>>17690971
Any input on that falling out we had?

Doesn't look to have negatively affected us, but maybe it sheds some more light on her feelings?

>>17691375
actually theres one factor I forgot.

That R, a friend of hers may have tried to drive a wedge or something. (This is purely an assumption)

>He tries getting her as a side chick (Had a GF)
>She wasn't really into that whole idea, so turned him a way in that respect (Still remained friends, but a little visible awkwardness.)
>He see's that I asked her out, and that she may have some interest
>Tries to drive a wedge (By forcing his way in, and maybe telling her lies about me. (That I just want her for her body maybe?))
>Kinda, but not completely successful (Prevented a relationship, but did not prevent a friendship of sorts)

They didn't talk all summer, so maybe something happened?

And she worded it like this originally. Kinda implies that it was not her idea.
>R, from class, wanted to tag along

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>>17691419
>>17691375
>>17690971

Ok, well, I am going to explain it as best as I can:

1. You just about so very nearly fucked everything up when you accused her of lying that I nearly reached through the ny screen to yours to slap you for your stupidity, no offence, but you should NEVER accuse a girl of lying about a busy life when she is interested in you and you are not forcing it, that fallout was the thing that NEARLY blew it, you better thank whatever god you worship RIGHT NOW! Because I am pretty sure he just saved your ass.

Now, 2, what you have told me just pretty much confirmed what kind s personality I have told you earlier, and I have done some inner research and I think if you can try to treat her at a specific day or holiday that she feels she is supposed to relaxed, you should try to offer to take her out for a good time, something like Halloween, where there are lots of cool events that she has at least one she wants to go do, just a little something to help out what I previously said, also, when the time is right, try to ask her what she thinks of you, and when she replies, unless she asks you the same about yourself, say right after what you think of her, but of all the things you like about her.

And 3, about R, the least he has done is taken up more of her time and just added to her stress, when you are actually doing something with her that will get her to know you more, she will eventually tell you about what R has done, and that won't matter afterwards.

So yeah, that should help, any further questions/concerns/details. Let me know!

Feedback is optional. But appreciated!

>>17691543
>That fallout was the thing that NEARLY blew it, you better thank whatever god you worship RIGHT NOW! Because I am pretty sure he just saved your ass.

Yea.... I established that I was lucky as shit that she still deals with me.

Basically what I told her was "I don't mean to sound like an asshole, but if you don't want to hangout, just tell me"

From what I recall, she basically said "I appreciate the apology" then gave her explanation


>Now, 2, what you have told me just pretty much confirmed what kind s personality I have told you earlier, and I have done some inner research and I think if you can try to treat her at a specific day or holiday that she feels she is supposed to relaxed, you should try to offer to take her out for a good time, something like Halloween, where there are lots of cool events that she has at least one she wants to go do, just a little something to help out what I previously said

Yea... I figured that I should try to find a specific event of sorts that would be relaxing. (Halloween is shit, both have class that day. And she is busy from morning to night basically)

But seeing as it is nearing Christmas, I could try taking her into the City to like Rockefeller Center or Bryant Park to one of the seasonal Ice Skating set ups? (I can't skate for shit, but it would be fun)

I guess the second part of that was to ask her what she thinks of me (When it seems right) and then when she answers, tell her how I feel?


>3, about R, the least he has done is taken up more of her time and just added to her stress, when you are actually doing something with her that will get her to know you more, she will eventually tell you about what R has done, and that won't matter afterwards.

Yea, I guess that is probably all it did. At least if what ever he did does not seem to have had a lasting effect? (assuming he did something)

Bimp

How do I stop from constantly wanting to kms? I know I'll sound like a whiny kid but I'm 23 married to lovely gal that loves me and we have a daughter together. I love them both but I feel empty inside life isn't for everyone and I've had a great amount of luck where other anons have not, but it doesn't make me feel any better. Life doesn't weight down on me I usually just brush everything of as if meaningless. The days blend in together. Tomorrow is nearly yesterday and I just don't want to continue but I don't want to abandon my family.

I have a problem and I'm seeking advice.

My problem is over sexualizing women. Not all women, but one specific woman.

I've never had a relationship with this woman, but I see her and engage in small talk whenever she's in town (travelling musician). I already know nothing will come of this relationship (she's gay/distance), but I still can't help but lust after her.

When it comes to dating all I can do is compare whomever it is to her. If I'm sifting through videos and I find a performer that sorta looks like her I'll be overwhelmed.

I think about her a lot--too much. I dream about her all the time. I've long stopped listening to her music because when I do I get flustered and feel creepy as hell.

I know it's not love I'm feeling, but lust.

And I know it's a huge problem and I've taken steps to change, but it's not working.

Is it possible/healthy to be this infatuated with someone who will never reciprocate?

How fucked am I? It's been 5 years since I first met her and it still feels the same whenever I see her in person.

I feel like that dude who was obsessed over Bjork and blew his fuckin' brains out. I'm absolutely disgusted with myself.

>>>>17690984
Heres the thing. My fatigue is what depresses me most. Idk if its depression. Even the psy asked me if Ive had a checkup. I have, twice, but they ran a basic blood test and said depression. Im very motivated. I lost my job because Im miserable and tired 24 7, making it very hard to work. I will admit anti Ds help my mood, and Ive had adhd, anxiety, aspergers, and borderline depression all my life, but i just started struggling with fatigue at about 18. Two years ago. Ita mostly in my head and eyes, but my voice dies and my arm got stiff and tingly the other day. I probly cant get a stim because of past alcohol issues. I used to be so hyper....

>>17692187
>>17692123
I will get to you guys in a sec
>>17692231
Than other options are diet and sleeping schedule.

A healthier diet can help give you energy throughout the day, because a lack of eating or a lack of eating healthy can really drain your energy.

And if you have an improper sleeping schedule can make your brain think that it needs to sleep all the time, so it will have to do a little rewiring for your brain,

And that should help a lot, it will take some time to adjust, but I guarantee that it will help a lot with your oversleeping issues

And sorry It took a little long, relatives came over, but I will catch up!

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>>17692123
Trust me, this problem comes to all ages and groups, that is what I have learned from my thread,

And you may feel like an empty shell, but really, you just need to think yourself as a blank canvas, just waiting to be painted by you, with the colours of compassion, love, and responsibility, making the portrait of your family, because they are the safety anchor that prevents you from going off the deep end, and although everything may seem meaningless to you and tomorrow may feel like yesterday, but when you spend time with your gal and daughter, they treasure every second of it, because it is meaningful to them, and that tomorrow is just another opportunity to do what they did today with you again.

And your daughter I bet sees you as a super hero, if you ask her, if you could, and you have the one thing that really is the cure for depression, purpose and meaning. Even if your current meaning is not what you intended at first, it is something that sill makes progress, and when you overcome that depression, you can use that experience to help others that need it: friends, family, and not to trigger you, but even your daughter whenever she goes through a rough patch.

This should give you a good perspective of your life, just let me know when you have finished reading this and tell me what you think of it

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>new relationship
>pic related somewhat
>she's got a hectic new job
>seems kinda stressed
>says some stuff sort of weird to hear at start of a relationship. some of it literally on our first date. stuff like 'i don't try hard academically' , 'i always leave stuff to the last minute' , 'i have so-and-so medical problem' .
>these comments aren't happening all the time but we're a gd few weeks in now and it's starting to bother me. I could maybe excuse it initially as new relationship nerves 'oh don't expect too much of me. i'm really busy rn' ... but being with a someone who doesn't even 'back themselves' makes me feel like they might just 'drop the relationship' at any moment because there's too much expected of them.


this is literally the only problem in the relationship. how should i talk to her about this? is it too early at this stage for me to be saying this kind of thing..i don't want to come off controlling. i was thinking something like 'you know you don't have to fish for compliments with me right?'

Did black raptor pass out again?

>>17693357
Yes. Yes I did, and I will rish into this again, thank you for your patience.

I think I am forgetting someone, but I will figure it out at some point of time, I just need another tea.

>>17692948

Ok, what you should do is to ask her if there is any way you can help her with her problems, just be like "hey femanon, I have noticed that you seemed a little bit bothered, you know, if there is anything you need help with, let me know, because I am so crazy for you and I don't want you to feel overwhelmed with all these issues that I could be helping you with" something like that, as she is trying to be modest and handle everything on her own and trying to not have it affect you, but if you illustrate that you can help and that you can handle it so that you can be part of the solution, than things will change and get better between the two of you.

I hope this is what you are looking for, as I can tell she has other issues that she hasn't told you just so you don't have to worry about her, but if there is any questions/concerns/details, let me know!

Feedback is optional, but appreciated!

>>17693621
I'm still around. (The guy who got stupidly lucky with accusing her of lying)

>>17693876
Well that's good to know, I appreciate it mate, and it looks like you got a plan going in the right direction, so you got this, all I can add is that patience is not just virtue now, it is the key component to your relationship with her, so practice it as much as you possibly can.

Anyhow, I like to add that my spiritual knowledge ranges from dream interpretation to exorcism to communication with the deceased, so don't be shy.

Also, I have been thinking of making a blog, vlog, or just doing all of this on YouTube, so if anyone has their thoughts on this, or even advice, let me know, then I can prepare better to make these things better.

Also, I'm running out of images to load in my posts, so I am going to do a quick image hunt while more questions fill up

BOOSTRO! BOOSTRO!

>>17693921
Thanks. Now just to patiently wait. If she likes me as more, then she'll reach out at some point I guess.

It's time to drop my friend right? And am I a shitty person for feeling this way about her?

>shes supported me when i needed it by being my shoulder to cry on and vice versa
>she knows my whole shitty life story and i trust her
>i'm not into her we're just friends
>lately it's like she hasn't grown up at all since she was 18
>she keeps doing shit like finding boys on tinder that are bad news and crying because of the drama
>i have counseled her to let them go and not engage ,which she thanks me for
>the next day she's found another bad news tinder guy that she swears is her soulmate
>she keeps doing molly and raves
>i invited her to hang with my friends and i yesterday but the whole time she would make awkward comments about her drug use and shit
>kept bringing up her tinder dates
>i just cringed and tried to distance myself
>i just wanted her to leave

I don't want to feel this way about her. But the whole time she was there i was gnashing my teeth and daydreaming of ways to get her to leave. I feel like a really shitty person. I still care about her. Should i fade out slowly? Or what?

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>>17694500
That sounds like time for an intervention

You really need to give her a "come to Jesus" moment. She needs to know how her behaviour is affecting your friendship and her life, which means you are going to need to take some time to sit her down and let her know with a serious nature, and if she is really your friend, she will realize that she needs to make some serious changes to her life.

That does have some risks, but that is the right thing to do, just make sure that she doesn't go like "yeah, sure, whatever" and then goes back to what she was doing before, that doesn't help anything.

Questions/concerns/details, let me know!

Feedback is optional, but appreciated!

>>17694610
Thanks. The thing is, she's always been like this. I guess its me who wised up. if i know her at all, she will listen to me but she's incapable of reaching any higher. She doesn't understand.she has nothing in her life and wants nothing in her life besides just living and doing what she's doing rn. No interests besides drugs. No passion. No reason to not fuck up besides losing my friendship. We have nothing in common besides just getting along easily. I will probably have that talk with her? It's a big talk to have. I just look at her and she's just not got drive or a lot of intelligence in her eyes. We never had any conversation with any substance. We just hung out smoking weed and watch movies. Shit. I don't know. You can't make someone have a reason to be good. I need to think

>>17694674
That stuff right there has value for your conversation with her.

As for a purpose, her personality seems like a "rebel without a cause" kind of personality, but if you hit here up with the old "don't you have a goal or passion that you really want to do so badly that isn't drugs and bad boyfriends" kind of question, so that way you can seek deeper behind her chill personality so you can get some leverage on her, because she is trying to hide another self that you might not even know.

But after opening up what lays inside her, give her the chance to become the adult, and if you dig in deep enough, she will realize all the dumb things she has been doing and how dumb they are, although she might bring up something like how her parents treat her like shit, do be prepared.

How do you stop thinking about toxic friends you've removed from your life? It's been months, but I occasionally think that I'd love to give them a piece of my mind, but I have to stop myself from contacting them because it won't get me anywhere. It's the principle of it and I hate greasy rats. Maybe enough time hasn't passed? We were friends for years. It's been a few months. I'm sure I'll make it if I got this far.

I don't know. Maybe it's just frustration of not understanding why people do this. It's been helpful though. I've gotten into philosophy and psychology because of this. That's how annoying it is to me. I'm sure I have some mental issues too if you couldn't tell. I just want to study these people and understand. It doesn't compute in my brain. How do these people function? How do these rats sleep at night? These people breath the same air. They have feelings and emotions too. How are they like this? It HAS to be something deeper. I refuse to believe people are cunts because they genuinely enjoy it.

Due to a naturally logical, analytical and overthinking mind I can usually come up with adequate solutions for all of my problems without much trouble. The issue is that I never (ever) put my mind's machinations into practice. My life is basically on automatic while my mind goes insane in all sorts of thoughts. Not only that, but that's also the main reason behind many of my biggest problems at the moment, from my extreme social retardation to my absolute lack of self-esteem and motivation.

I started noticing all of this when I finally started living a more social life with actual responsibilities. I have gone from extreme NEET status to actually having an extremely active social life and a full-time job. I have gone from spending days at home in front of the computer to literally spending days with very close friends, along with going to several parties and socializing with acquaintances and friends pretty much all the time.

I live with some friends inside campus, and while it has been a great experience, it's also very fucking harmful to me, as it's crushing what's left of my self esteem and willpower. It's because of the way I interact with them. It feels like I'm always one step behind, just following everyone's lead and going with the vibe of the group as a whole. This is worsened by the fact that the group of friends I now belong to is composed of extremely promiscuous people that tend to get involved with each other casually constantly (from making out at parties to having sex), especially since we use a variety of drugs on a daily basis and go to some party or event every three days or so. I'm usually just floating around watching things happen.

I need advice on how to start doing what I decide I should do in my mind. Also, how do I start being more communicative with people instead of just fucking lying around watching my friends straighten their bonds and fucking like rabbits?

>>17695383
Well, if you want to forget about them, you have to repeat after me:

they are not worth your time, they are not worth your grief, and they are not worth remembering! You will make new friends who will be far better than your last rotten bunch. If you let them never leave your head, no matter what they did for you, they will win, so don't you dare let them.

However, since you are also looking to figure out how people live with themselves if they act like this, then I have to say 2 things, 1. Don't let this thought consume you at all... like what you have been doing right now, as I know you really want to figure out what the core problem is so you can provide the solution, but the more you dwell on it, the more you will drive yourself to act like them. How do I know this, well...

2. With my condition, I have entered enough of people's minds at their certain points of suffering to tell you why certain people act in such a way to describe your ex-friends, and there is a few reasons to that.

1. They are afraid of being weak, and they hate it so much, so when they do what they do to others, they do it to get ahead of the chain.

2. They feel that there are some things that they don't want to do, and instead they believe it is easier to make other people do it for them, laziness, entitlement, call it what ever you like, they use it to succeed their own process.

part 1 of 2

>>17695383
>>17695420

Part 2 now!

3. To them, there are no selfless heroes, because anyone they thought that that person was nice and that they intended to be good, is either they realized that they are just use that to get what they want, or that the heroes they wanted to be so badly that they eventually realized that there is a barrier between them that informs them of the harsh reality that Is life, or that at a specific point of time where they are suffering by someone else's wrongdoing, telling that person to stop and calling out for help for that hero, only to never come. That last part haunts me every day also my condition does what it wills.

But yeah, her you go, I hope this will work out for you, and if you couldn't tell, I have some mental issues as well. Don't let them bug your life.

Questions/concerns/details, let me know!

Feedback is optional, but appreciated!

>>17695420
Dude, I must say, it is mighty rare to find someone who has that similar mindset like me and you, so I do indeed have a solution for you.


>how to start doing what I decide I should do in my mind?

Well, I can definitely tell you practice makes perfect, when I was trying to put the abilities of my head into the real world, it was difficult to make it work, but after spending hours upon days, venturing into my subconscious and taking some to practice it on everything I could possibly cram it on, I eventually adapted it to my environment. You can do similar things to what I did, the mind is just an everlasting textbook, waiting for you to read it, and learn from it.

Part 1 of 2

>>17695420
>>17695525

Back with part 2

>Also, how do I start being more communicative with people instead of just fucking lying around watching my friends straighten their bonds and fucking like rabbits?

Well, as the saying goes: if you can't beat them, join them. And by what I mean with that you are trying to make an entirely new system completely from scratch, you try asking the guys how they managed to get jenny mctitfucker in bed, or you can just silently observe how other guys go in to get old Jenny mcfucktites, and when you have modified it to custom fit yourself, go for it, you have nothing to lose, don't let that mental monster doubt ruin it for you, this is where you can use that ability, just don't focus on forcing it perfect, because it will never happen. Experience Isi this kind of thing is earned by constantly trying it out multiple times until you fine-tune it to your satisfaction.

Questions/concerns/details, let me know!

Feedback is optional, but appreciated!

How can i keep from overthinking?

When I don't, i'' really socialable and likeable, but when I'm not, I'm very critical and usually a pessismistic.

>>17695615
This post was short because i tend to ramble. But then I get my long spiels are fantastic to hear, then the convo dies because of my long spiels.

>>17695623
That is a tough one, but:

-lay off the caffeine/excess sugars

Get back to a proper sleeping program.

Listen to music (soft and loud)

Lay off the weed (if you do do that)

Plan to do at least 1 random thing without thinking

Read a book!

Have confidante in yourself.

Stilton smell the roses.

Take your time, don't rush things that don't need to be.

I have a similar problem to yours so this should help!

>>17695656
I think i'm actually hypoglycemic lol, but thanks i'm gonna try out the rest.

I think you said "can't beat em, join em" in this thread...
That really ringed to me. I'm very lost in an important year of my life. I was too much for my parents (both didnt have dads) so all my extra energy sputtered. Got really critical of everyone, sat back and watched how society worked for some years. I tried to beat em. Just beat my dick to dehydration instead. But i'm gonna recover from all this, hopefully. Siege is fun and all, but I love being with friends.

Thank you, Sir.
I have just one more question nagging my mind rn. Is playful flirting fine? I have a partner, she's pretty conservative, and i have another friend whom is provocative. Although i don't agree with every act, i do find that confidence sexy. So i compliment in the most natural way: flirting. Am i in the wrong here?

>>17695668
Glad you find my consel helpful, that way I can know I am putting you in the right direction.

As with the flirting, it depends on people, there personalities,morals, values, etc. But for a general idea, LIGHTER playful flirting you probably can get away with a few times or so, but if it comes out a little heavier, like a more concentrated flirting, then you are cruelly toying with an innocent woman's heart, by trying to offer her something she can't have.

That is probably how you should go at it, it's 2:00 AM for me here and I am dozing off some, so anything you want to ask me just put it on here and come back ever hour or so, then I'll play catch-up.

And dozing in 5..4...7..owhxejncj (*sleeping sounds*)

>>17695525
>>17695567
That is indeed some sound advice, thank you. I'm not sure if you'll know what I'm talking about, but maybe you can provide useful insight into something.

This may be an oversimplification, but my reasoning has led me to believe that my mind is divided into two distinct paradigms I like to call the rational and irrational. While the former comes from conscious thought, the latter emerges from the entirety of what I have experienced in life thus far. Right now I feel like the irrational part of myself is taking the wheels, and it doesn't know how to fucking drive, but despite that it refuses to either let the conscious part take the wheels or at least take some lessons from it. Maybe the hypothetical lessons my irrational mind needs are precisely what you advised me to do. Maybe I should start lending the wheels to my rationality to see if my irrational mind learns with time.

>>17695623
>>17695656
I have the same problem as well, although I don't consider it to be one. Once I started becoming more social the overthinking stayed but the sociable and likable part stayed, I guess. It's just that thinking a lot about the many intricacies of any subject whatsoever is something I have grown very fond of during my life. If I'm not overthinking something, it feels like I'm missing out on important information about whatever I'm thinking about at that particular moment.

>>17695668
Funny. I have never felt so lost compared to this time of my life too, especially this year. My relationship with my parents is also on a rough patch now due to my leaving home to live with some "druggies" in university. Life has always felt like sand going through my hands. I just watched it slipping from my grasp slowly (I would contemplate it), but now it feels like a truck full of sand is unloading its contents mercilessly upon me and I have nothing to do but stay buried in the sand looking up to the skies. But we're going to recover from all this, hopefully.

>>17689114
>pretty social guy
>always find a way to talk with every one in the University
>get a group of friend to hang up with
>consider one of the guy of the group as someone i can rely on
> time pass on
>group of friend start doing things without me
>less and less invited to party and stuff
>the only guy i thought i can rely on was only seeing me as 'the nice guy that hangs up with us'
>finds myself alone
>repeat

I feel like i wasn't able to make a real friend in years. And since im single for a while it's like loneliness overload

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I've known a girl for years, for several of those on a LDR
She has a lot of issues and I always tried to help her and support her, even during the LDR we had issues but it was a nice experience.
After ending it we remained friends and we talked every day, we had some fall outs now and then but I legit want to help her as a friend.

After a while we knew we still had some feelings for each other, maybe it's an obvious thing but we just don't act on it, for some reason I felt really shitty after finding out she found a bf even when I've been with several girls after her.
After a while the feelings went down and I found this girl that's basically the girl of my dreams, the kind of girl I've always fantasized and never even hoped to get, after overcoming some boundaries we managed to get together and I've been extremely happy ever since.
The thing is that this girl and I started talking less after this and we went from talking daily to once a week
The little times we talked she kept talking about problems with her boyfriend, him being dirty and her having to do everything for him, etc

She always flirted with me and sent me some photos even when she was with this guy, I rejected anything after getting close to my girl
Last time we talked she suddenly got mad at me out of nowhere when I mentioned she was on my room, saying that I was rubbing it on her face and suddenly logged off with no explanation or anything.
A week later of her being offline on everything, I found out she removed me yesterday.

I have no romantic feelings for her anymore, but she's still a person I really bonded and planned to meet up several times and I don't want to just drop that, I've known her for almost a decade and know a shitton about each other even after just knowing each other online.
I don't know what to make of this, why would she remove me, does she still has feelings for me, why did she started behaving like this when I got a girl, etc.
I'm lost here, I don't want to lose a friend

>>17689114
YOU
AINT
SHIT
AND THATS A FACT

>>17695767
Nobody is shit. That is also a fact.

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>>17689114
When I was in a relationship with my previous gf, my best friend kissed me and told me she had feelings for me. When I tried to talk to her, she just walked away and basically "ghosted" me. Cut to two months ago (me and my gf broke up in the meantime), and we are speaking to each other again. In a conversation one night, she says that she didn´t actually want to have a relationship with me, but she felt hurt when I didn´t fight for her (which sounds bipolar as fuck, and I did try to contact her like hell). Then, one night last month, she gave me a ride home and we ended up sleeping together. She asked me if I loved her, and I told her "I don´t know, I think I do when I´m around you but when we´re apart I don´t think that way" and she said she felt the same. Since then, we haven´t seen each other a lot because of our busy schedules and I´ve been with another girl and she also went on a date with a guy.

But now I see that I do want to be with her. Not in a relationship because it would be weird to call her girlfriend and treat her like that, but there are feelings that I can´t keep hiding anymore. The thing is that she hides anytime I show her some love. I know I will push her away if I´m blunt with my intentions. What do you think of this Black raptor? What´s the best way to proceed here?

>>17695715
>>17695748
>>17695760
>>17696043
Just woke up, I will deal with you guys soon, I just have to do some things first, like feeding animals breakfast, and many other stuff Involving said animals, then my breakfast, so I will be an hour or two

>>17695715
Well, for insight, I can definitely tell you that your rational and irrational system is a piece of the conscious/subconscious system of your thinking process, where your irrational thought processes is taking control due to instincts and repetitive process. You just need the venture in your subconscious and get a better hold of and balance out them both.

>>17695748
I understand you mate, I was always friendly enough in high school to be friends with everyone, and when graduation came, everyone went their separate ways to go succeed their opportunities, while I got diagnosed and held back, and put in a very lonely situation, but for you, you just need to expand your horizons, create more opportunities to be more social, and make friends where you possibly can, you just have to be more daring and adventurous, your loneliness cannot be your HQ or your fallback plan, you just need to change that, and your set!

Questions/concerns/details, let me know!

Feedback is optional, but appreciated.

>>17695760
She is not well where she is, I can tell you that, what I see is that at first when she got with a boyfriend, she thought she would be alright having you as an emotional supporting friend, but as her boyfriend started going downhill, she started regretting it more and was venting it to you, but when things got worse with her relationship, she realized that she wanted you again, and was hoping you and her will get back together so she can dump her shit boyfriends ass, however, this was the point where you started to talk with her less, I don't know if she knows that you have a gf, but if she did, then that is just more weight to add to her mid-life crisis, and with all her stresses and problems, knowing you are trying to distance her more, she became angry with you for not being able to be there when she needed you most, and this all makes her very reactive, like a firecracker that is just ready to go off, and made her overeact over the smallest thing, and when she came to the conclusion that talking with you had only hurt her more, she removed you

Hope that provides some insight for you, as her psychology was much easy to decrypt thanks to how you explained it, but if you really don't want to lose her, I suggest that you figure out every possible way that you can to contact her and explain that you know she is going through a difficult time and that you really want to be there to help her in whatever way you can, even if you have a gf.

However, not going to lie, the odds are not in your favour on this one, and if all else fails, don't be too hard on yourself, she made a decision, and if she thinks she doesn't need you, that's her choice, and you have to live your life, even if it means without her, sorry mate. You still should try though, not going to take that away from you.

Questions/concerns/details, let me know!

Feedback is optional, but appreciated!

>>17696684
She knows I found a gf, during the time that I had hardcore feelings for her when she found her bf she knew I met someone that was making me feel better.
She always kept flirting or sending me photos even when she met this guy, always starting a conversation, etc.
Overtime it's not that we just fell off because of me, she started going off and randomly just trying to talk to me or drop a conversation without even saying goodbye, felt like she was just talking to me when she needed someone to talk to.

Since I found that girl and was busy with other stuff I explained her that I wasn't alright with that and with time we kept falling off.
I remember mentioning that she was studying for electric engineering since she asked and she immediately went "I can't compete" which made get really uneasy, like, you're not competing she's my girl.
Before I met this new girl and when she found her bf I fell for her really hard and she knew that and kept giving me hope and sending me photos of her in stuff that she KNOWS I like, it's fucked up.

And seems so far that you've nailed the situation perfectly

>>17696728
I have additional stuff to ask/add, just have to deal with this first,
>>17696043
Well, I think the first thing is that you both need to be honest with yourselfs, after and if you both are done with your gf/bf.

And by that, I mean that you are trying to tell me that you and her just want something like a friends-with-benefits kind of thing, but really, even though you both feel that you both don't want a relationship thing, I know better, and you both really should too, because I see that you both really have that love for each other, both you both are afraid of the commitment, responsibility, and the risks of that relationship title, and you trying to find an alternative to it, but there is no alternative to love, LOVE is LOVE! I can clearly see you don't want to hurt each other, but really your hurting each other more tiptoeing and scuffling around the subject, as though you might both not have that love thing when neither of you are there, but that is because you don't quite see that it's not their because you keep denying the relationship status, and your brains are just instinctually organizing those feelings to how your conscience dismisses that person as, but it keeps getting confused because you won't make that step forward.

Just do yourself the favour, you are not going to get anywhere your feelings want to go if you don't do something, and you always fail if you don't try

Questions/concerns/details, let me know!

Feedback is optional, but appreciated!

>>17696728
Well, can definitely tell you she was hardcore jealous, if it was not obvious

And if she has any mental illness, it will mess her up with stresses like studying, bf issues, etc. And they can affect how she reacts to you.

But yeah, she. Is. really. Really. Jealous.

so that can be a little bit to add on the mystery of her life on the other side.

>>17696826
It's kinda shitty because now I got no idea how to proceed

I live an awesome life but some things get me extremely down sometimes, things I don't have anyone to talk about/vent with. I constantly have to hide these because everyone around me sees me as a leader, got my shit together, etc. I'm becoming jaded by this and don't take joy from mundane things anymore.

The latest one is that today I stopped to reflect on a rather recent traumatic event and it got me into the "bad vibes" loop again. It's about one of my ex, who committed suicide some time ago due to not being able to handle our old breakup. We had been apart for 4 years, for fuck's sake. This shit gives me nightmares to this day.

My sister was best friends with the ex, and I walked in on the moment she got the call. Her face, her pained cries and the screams coming from the phone, her unability to even tell me what was going on due to how hard she was crying and panicking, while I desperately tried to make sense of it... Then how she just mumbled "-ex- died". I didn't know what to do. It was on the night of my best mate's birthday and I was throwing him a fancy dinner for our group. I just sat in the kitchen surrounded by ingredients and boiling pots and pans til I got my shit together. Spent the whole night drinking and fake-laughing while I just wanted to rip my skin apart. My wife hates this ex so I was never allowed to appear sad or grieve, I didn't even go to the funeral.

I don't even know why I'm writing this really, but oh well.

For some reason these dreams had a lasting impression, but seem to be very normal?

>1st

>be going around campus (Looking for lost phones to sell)
>See a girl I'm friends with (and interested in) outside running around with a few people (She is also holding a DJI Phantom Controller)
>I go to get the girls attention (She seems to be ignoring me)
>Another girl I kinda recognize is trying to get my attention and calling out to me

>2nd

>Add this girl I am interested in on Facebook
>Go to her house soon after
>Heads down to basement
>Shes down there, on a sofa, with 3 of her brothers (Has 5-7 siblings in reality)
>Sit down between her and her older brother
>The girl and I begin making out there
>That goes on for a couple minutes.
>We stop, and I comment on her big ass family
>For some reason a friend of mine is upstairs, and shows up for no reason.

>3rd (Final)

Lasted all of 10seconds.

It was just me walking past my "crush" and just smiling at each other, and looking into each others eyes

Whats odd is that it is a version of her from like a year ago. Not the current version of her. (Thinner with shorter hair here. She is a bit more average sized now, with about shoulder length hair now)

Returning client :)
I promise I'm not coming with all my problems. Just the ones i've had a lot of difficulty with.

This first bit will be context.
For the past 1 1/2 years, I have had a nice relationship with a woman mature for her age (she's barely older than me). I quickly began our relationship and within a few months moved in sex. Everything was great for a few months. Then I started to get a little less excited about 'us'. I assume the relationship just needs a respark. We both talk it over, establish what we can do better, and act from there. However nothing really improved, so after another talk, I broke us off. She wouldn't have it. She made me feel guilty about leaving her, so I went back. She became very submissive and to this day still is. I think that's why I stayed the second time. We went on more dates, talked out why we failed the first time, and are back together to this day. But I just can't find that real spark anymore. The only thing that excites me anymore is the sex. But I don't want a fwb. I've lost that spark with her.
The thing is, we get along so well. I get along with her family very easily, and her with mine.
And she would make a very great mom. She's had plenty of practice with 3 younger sisters, she's tough, and can handle above average stress. I don't want to lose her, but I think i'm lying to both of us at this point.
I've been talking with a friend from summer school. Although I don't expect much from either of us, i do have some feelings from her.
My question is, am I holding myself back, or am I wanting to quit when the comfy gets rough?

>>17696912
Just pretty much same as before, just add that jealousy thing to your inventory, and be extremely careful how you use it, it is a very dangerous item to use around the girl, so be smart and careful.

Knowing is half the battle!

>>17696954
>>17696961
>>17696991

I will get to you guys really soon, I have to go help someone out with moving shit so I will be an hour or 2, and then I will be playing catchup then

>>17696996
Understood

I was wondering if I could get some advice on my current situation. I was ghosted by two online friends in august, and in September , friend one, came back for a day and then ghosted me again. A few days ago he came back again and now has me playing games with him again. He wouldn't tell me why he had left me. Friend two has not attempted any contact whatsoever. Friend one is keeping me hidden in plain sight so we can play games even if friend two is on, without him realizing it's me. I don't get why friend two hasn't attempted contact and why friend one is back and is keeping me hidden in plain sight, and why he won't tell me why they left.

First time client. I need some advice or a second opinion really badly. Don't really care from who, just someone hear me out.

So one of my best friends invited me to be the best man at his wedding (and I'm also very good friends with the wife-to-be). Thing is, he also asked my brother to be the best man. He's going to have 2 best men because he feels like he's equally close to my brother and me. Well my brother is a weeb piece of shit. All of us are okay with anime and whatever but he's on a whole new level and it's literally interfering with our lives. We joked about having a cosplay wedding and the couple both said "Yeah,that sounds neat!" but then almost immediately after, they said "But seriously though, we aren't cosplaying at our wedding." They meant we as in, everyone. But my brother took the "we" literally and thought they only meant themselves. Now he's mad that he has to pay for a tux rental instead of wearing his shitty cosplay to the wedding, and he's been on edge with the couple ever since.

On top of that, because he's been so cross with them lately, he has been neglecting his best man duties the entire way. We were asked to be best men around July, and he has done absolutely nothing to contribute. I've had to make sure all the guys got fitted, I'm planning the bachelor party, I'm writing the best man speech, etc etc. And he's just sitting there whining about everything at this point because he didn't get to wear his stupid costume. It's a color coordinated wedding and his costume doesn't match it at all. I planned the bachelor party for November 11th, and the groom really wants him there, but he said he probably can't make it because a convention he is going to is that day. It's a 3 day con and that's the first day and he doesn't wanna leave 2 hours early to make it to the party of one of his closest friends.

1 more part coming.

>>17697045
I'm not OP but I'm listening

>>17697060
thank you.

>>17697045
part 2 of 2

The first day of September he invaded my privacy by getting on my computer and reading a bunch of very personal conversations I had with some friends to see if they were "talking shit about him behind his back" because one of them hadn't spoken to him in a few weeks, so I basically disowned him and haven't spoken to him since, even though we live together. He apologized, but I've known him all my life and I know he isn't the type of person to mean it. I've heard him apologize to his boss at work just to "get that out of the way" and he spoke to me the exact same way. He isn't sorry he did it, he's sorry he didn't do a better job covering his tracks. I'm probably being the immature one here in the long run but everybody else involved didn't see it as a big deal and basically wanted to slap him on the wrist and let life continue as normal. I just wasn't okay with that so I distanced myself from him. The results have been pretty good though, I don't regret it. He seemed to genuinely regret it after I confronted him about it.

I guess it's time to let it be water under the bridge because I need to talk some sense into him about this wedding. The couple have told me that he's been super frustrating to them about it too and they were thinking about just telling him that he isn't allowed to be in the wedding anymore. I'm indifferent about it, considering he's basically going to ride on my coattails off my, and only my, dedication and hard work but yet get half of my rightful title. I feel like I should make an attempt to help him redeem himself to them, but also I feel like he should sleep in the bed that he made by being such a piece of shit about this entire ordeal. All he's done ever since he became a part of this wedding is bitch and moan the entire way.

There's actually one more small paragraph, sorry. Incoming once the timer runs out.

>>17697045
>>17697088
What should I do? I know I need to reconcile overall just because he's my brother, but regarding the wedding, should I stay out of the way, let him flop, and have them kick him out, or should I step in and convince him to straighten himself up? He's very adamant but I'm the only person who can 100% get through to him, especially since right now he seeks my approval and acceptance. Should I use that to my advantage? I'm so lost right now.

>>17697088
Let him learn his lesson, if they don't want him in the wedding, it's their choice, and he needs to learn to be respectful

>>17697098
I feel like I knew this before I even posted here, but I really wanted the reassurance. Thanks anon.

>>17697108
No problem

>>17696618
Maybe I exagerate a bit. I do quite a bit a things and meet people relatively often but I wasn't able to keep a "real" friendship during more than 1 year.

every time i think im close enough to someone or a group of people i ended up being left behind without really any explanation.

I can see in their head a picture of me with " ha yeah anon. He is nice but i don't see myself inviting him for a party" even doe we spend at least 5 month 70% of our university's time together.

It's the 4th time it happens in a span of 3 year in half and it's destroying me

Ok, going to go down the list while I have time before I have to get back at it
>>17696954

Not trying to trigger you, but if I knew her name or how she died, or both, I might have been in her head at that moment, as much as I hate reliving someone's final moments... I could if it means comfort and reassurance for you.

But for now I can give you so basic advice:

1. Move on: and what I mean by that is to just remember her for all the good moments you had with her, know that there was nothing better you could not have done better with her, because the truth is that there was nothing more you could do, as she wa victim of her own circumstance, and she should have gone for help, but made this choice instead. That is what it is.

2. Do not be afraid to ask for help: you obviously need a little help, and even the strongest of leaders need some help when they need it most, even if that someone you ask for help doesn't know how to help you, they can help find someone that can.

3. Always move forward: what I mean by this is that if you feel you are in somewhere bad, move forward to the solution, because even if the solution is a long ways away, moving forward one step towards the solution or help is better than standing still in the bad place you are in.

Sometimes the cure for being stuck in those bad points is to make some good ones!

As a saying that I commonly use is that we are all authors of our own life, what we write, the ink will stay there, but whatever we write, the next chapter we can and will always write better.

Questions/concerns/details, let me know!

Feedback is optional, but appreciated!

I have to get back to helping now, but I will finish what I started. Bare with me here!

So I guess it's a better chance then any.
Hello Black Raptor, love what you're doing here. I'm here with another "girl" issue.
So in about three days my ex is having birthday. The most important is that she's my ex and we're not together for about half a year now. It ended by her cheating on me. She lives half a country away yet I'm still affected by her actions AND by her. I still love her and that's the biggest issue. I want to call her and talk but some time ago she told me to not call to her again. And I'm panicking. I had a very poor month and I feel like she is the only person which keeps me standing. Basically, like any other scenario, I can't take my shit together or "man up" (still "seeing" her next to me from time to time) since I'm not all that attractive and women get disgusted by my presence (see: my last "dates", which were arranged for me btw, ended up with laugher by their side). What should I do? I don't want to go ape-shit crazy and I still want to keep my sanity. Yet I can't really forget the past and my affection to her.
Thanks in advance for fantastic work!

Hey Black Raptor, I made a thread for this but would love your input:

I matched on Tinder with a girl in one of my classes a few weeks ago (Oct 1), and since then we've been hanging out pretty frequently.

We went on three very "datey" dates to start (drinks, then dinner, then bookstore + dinner). Each one went really well, and after each we'd go back to her place and hook up.

Since those three, we've hung out three more times at her place and would talk for a while and hook up. We've opened up to each other a lot and whenever we're together there's a definite flirty/intimate atmosphere.

So far after every time we've hung out, she's been the one to initiate following up and asking about hanging out again.

The only problem is that she broke up with her boyfriend of two years just one week before we went out for the first time, and told me at one point last week that she's "not trying to date seriously right now". I can also see that she has still been updating her Tinder profile with new photos and such.

I can't really see how she's had time to go on dates with other dudes, since we've hung out 6 times in the past 18 days (and she takes a lot of classes and has three part time jobs). She also has very consistently been the one hitting me up to hang out, so I know she's interested.

What do you guys think is the deal here? I'm a bit confused.

Ok I have some room, let's see how far I get
>>17696961

Ok, I don't exactly know quite which of these girls represent who in your life, but I can work with what I have

1. This is your mind telling you that the girl you are interested is not interested in you, other than being friends, and that she is in control of her life, but your subconscious is also picking up hints of affection towards you from the girl you kinda know and your mind thinks you should try out to get to know her better.

2. The girl you are interested wants to invite you into her life, and underneath she will have your love stand in between her family and that she is comfortable with all this, and eventually you check to make sure your alright with this, and a friend tries to intervene.

3. In the span of 10 of whatever, the view of what you had seen in your "crush" has gone by and is now compared to the view that you see her as today.

Hope this better explains the interpretation of your dreams, any questions/concerns/details, let me know!

Feedback is optional, but appreciated!

And I will catch-up with all of you!

>>17697312
Funnily enough, the central figure in all those dreams is the same person. (And I posted about her already in this thread)

In the first, the other girl is just one girl I have class with, but never spoken to.

The second seems spot on

And the third, I didn't even know her when she looked like that, other than from her Drivers License photos, when we were comparing how psychopathic we all looked in em.

>>17697189
Thank you, you really do help.

As much as I have a bad experience with psychology/therapy, perhaps I'll look into it.

You asked about the circumstances (and this all leads to how I know she killed herself because of me):
it had been 4 years, we weren't speaking to each other since the breakup. My ex was a cocaine addict/borderline disorder/bulimia combo, which is sad as fuck since she was a 8/10 in looks, brilliant (won a scholarship to the best medical uni in the country) and came from a very wealthy family. They paid for the best rehabs they could find and it never worked. She had tried to kill herself before with medication and I literally shoved my hand down her throat to make her throw up.

So one day I had a huge fight with my wife over trivial couple stuff, and ex found out through my sister (who casually mentioned it, no harm intended).
That night, while my sister had their group over, they invited me to play cards. My ex, being an addict and mentally unstable, was very skittish and shaky and delicate. She pretended she wasn't staring at me the whole night, which I obviously noticed.
When they were leaving, she asked to speak to me in private, and said "you don't love me anymore, right?"
I replied "that doesn't matter, I only did harm to you and you know it" (I live in the subworld of fashion shows and fancy parties and she wanted to fit in by doing drugs)

Result: a week later, Ex went out with a girl friend of hers. The poor other girl was a saint, and my ex convinced her they should buy a literal half pound of coke and go to a motel so they could drink and get high. They spent most of the evening talking about me.

Around 7am they took pills to sleep. Around 4pm the friend woke up and couldn't find my ex. When she checked in the bathroom, the door was sort of stuck.. she looked through the crack and saw that my ex's body was what was holding the door closed, she hanged herself on the doorknob with her silk scarf.

Stahp making shitty trip threads

Pls

Met this girl at work. Long story short, at first I didn't think much of her other than she was hot af and that our eyes kept meeting in the corridors but as chance would have it we ended up working together more closely for several weeks.

I'm not naive enough to believe we fell in love but there were a lot of times we'd lock eyes in silence for periods of 8 seconds or more without it feeling uncomfortable.

It seemed unprofressional to make a move at work and we were rarely alone but I've been moved to a different department until xmas doing graveyard shifts since I need the additional income so I'm unlikely to see her again.

Trouble is I can't stop thinking about her, nightshifts are lonely with a lot of time to your own thoughts and I've even started having dreams about her.

My social life is essentially dead until christmas so do you have any tips on getting over these feelings?

how do I go to sleep early everyday and get useful skills

Man did this thread ever blow up while I was gone!
I will reply to everyone with advice so high quality IT came from Columbia!
So bare with me while I play catch up!

I want to get married and have lots of kids with a loving wife. How do I go about achieving that? Is it wrong to have sex with women I don't intend to marry before that happens?

I also have a dream of being a naval aviator. Would flying fighter jets put too much strain on my future family?

>>17697893
kek

God damn. You've posted some good stuff here, black raptor. Keep it up.

>>17696991
Still working down the line

And the problem you are seeing is that you expect every moment to be fiery love all the time, but really, in any relationship, there is high moments and low moments, and sometimes that spark will disappear in that moment, but to tell you the truth, the true meaning of a relationship is that you both committed to loving each other whether the spark is or is not there, because when you go through a long enough period without a spark, you both will eventually find that spark again, it just can't be forced. And I know that she loves you quite a bit, as the submissive behaviour indicates that she is afraid of losing you again.

And you really want that spark back that bad, just retrace your steps to when you first and last had the spark, and then see at which point it stopped, and compare yourselfs to back to when you had the spark to now, and see what you need to do.

You have a rare gift: someone who is just as committed to you as much as you are to her. If I where you, I would treasure it. Even though you don't currently see a spark in her, she definitely has always seen a spark in you, so go ahead and be her spark, you owe that much to her.

And let me know you got this, as I want to make sure I have been replying as fresh as I can.

Questions/concerns/details, let me know!

Feedback is optional, but appreciated!

I am >>17697011 and I was wondering what you think of my situation.

>>17697984

>>17698014
Actually, I am working on you right now, I am just evaluating some things with your situation.

Also, FOOOOOD!!!!! Is the recaptcha of the day!

>>17698031
Ok cool, sorry I didn't mean to rush you or anything

Actually... Seeing that guy who was ghosted made me remember a girl I met over the summer who did that to me.

Basically I met her online, and we hit it off quite nicely, spoke for hours every night for 3ish weeks. Then she stopped responding, but I she would still read what ever I sent.

One thing that sticks out is when she said "I am really glad that I met you."

She also told me about some shit that she has gone through in life. Quite personal stuff.
What could have led to the ghosting?

(she did live one the other side of an ocean for what ever it's worth)

>>17698057
I'm the chick that was ghosted

I'm sorry that that woman you met ghosted you. I'm not sure why this happens but it sucks dick. Especially when it's online, like me.

>>17697011
Ok, so, with what I have here, friend 1 and friend 2 both have something happen that it might have resulted in them not liking each other, friend 2 probably said something about telling or doing something involving you, but friend 1 got to you first, and knew that whatever he has done to make you "hidden in plain sight" which is a important detail I don't know, so that friend 2 can't contact you. So friend 2 I can tell you is key, but I am unsure if friend 1 is trying to protect you or preventing you from knowing the truth, but probably preventing because friend 1 has a lack of explanation that is working against him, so how you go about this is up to you, but if I suggest anything is to keep both friends in the dark about you talking to both of them, and to keep any knowledge of what's happening hush hush until you feel it's needed to prevent conflict.

So that is my take, limited Intel though, not your fault, questions/concerns/details, let me know!

Feedback is optional,but appreciated!

>>17697045
>>17697088
>>17697093
This guy pretty much said what I was was about to, so big thanks to him>>17697098

Anyhow, your brother needs a serious lesson: that it is not his wedding, so he should really either man up or man out!
But the guy pretty much said the rest. Good luck!

>>17698084
Friend one and friend two are still on each others friend lists. I'm not talking to friend two because he didn't attempt to contact me, and because friend one has been hiding me in plain sight and actually talking to me. I actually blocked friend two today so even if he tries to contact me, fuck him. I'm sorry about the limited intel, but it's because I myself have limited intel.

>>17698102
Ayy I'm that guy, I'm also the ghosted anon

>>17698060
I can't help but think that in my case at least she may have started to feel something for me, but with the geographical gap, wanted to stop it from progressing, so she cut me off.

>>17698110
She should have given you an explanation imo

>>17698122
Yea. She should have... Meh. I don't care too much, just curious.

Not gonna block her on the off chance she decides to reconnect down the line

>>17698128
Hopefully she hits you up again, man

>>17697166
I guess you have a good system going already here, nothing much that needs improvement, you just haven't the luck of finding that perfect group of friends yet, and that can be normal, if you keep searching the right groups in the right way, you will find them very soon,

And your lucky, most of my friends where "pity friends" so I am beat there.

Best of luck mate!

Also, I'm just going to yell what the recaptcha is at this point because I am crazy that way

Anyhow:

PICKUP TRUCKS!!!!! WHERE THE HELL IS TRUCKASAURUS REX!!!!!!!

>>17698132
Not gonna hold my breath. But hopefully she decides too. It's been like 2 months since then last conversation between us.

Long story short I recently moved to a new town and this is met through friends recently said that she's interested in me
I've never had a real relationship so most of this is pretty new to me
I'm certain she's genuine the thing is I'm not sure what she wants from all this
I'm really not looking to hook up with anyone and I'm wondering how to go about bringing that up. She did this all over text after a bunch of us hung out and we agreed to talk about it on Wednesday in person. Should I just make what I want clear? Should I just suggest trying out dating for awhile and see where it takes us?

Hey Raptor, >>17695420 here.First of all, thank you for a great thread. I spent the entirety of yesterday and today here on /adv/, reading through everyone's problems in various threads and responding to some while listening to some music and eventually smoking a cigarette. It felt like a breath of fresh air from the routine I'm living in right now, and it was all thanks to your thread, through some sort of minor butterfly effect of sorts, so thanks again. I need to wake up in five hours to go to work and then I'll go back home to my friends. I plan on following your advice from now on, but before I go I would like to ask about how I should go about doing it. It seems simple enough, but then again, the advice you gave me is something I have already thought of doing... I just never seem to be able to take control of the wheels and get out of automatic. I'm not really sure what I'm asking for here, but I just can't shake the feeling that this is going to be another period I spent thinking about my problems, coming up with feasible solutions and then doing absolutely nothing again.

>>17697197
Thanks mate! Glad you really like what I do.

Now, for what I see, even though you are trying to be a good person and cover it up for her, but if I could see right through her eyes, she has no remorse for you, especially if she was the one upset or pissed in any way about being caught cheating.

And I am sorry for you mate, but the real truth is that you deserve better, I tend to be the guy that tells the other guy/girl to give her a second chance, but she didn't even deserve a first time just so she could go behind your back and cheat on you.

So if you still have feelings for her, that is a good sign to pack up, expand your horizons, and go on the hard yet rewarding adventurous journey called love, because if you search long and hard enough, you will find that special someone along the way, and she will join you on this journey as well.

Hope this points you in the right direction
Questions/concerns/details, let me know!

Feedback is optional, but appreciated!
STREET SIGNS!!!! YEAH!!!!!!!!

>>17697200
Personally, I think she really likes you.
It's the 2 year relationship that she broke up with is what really boned you, when the break up is recent, she would probably not have the energy to go through another serious relationship, but in time, she will want to, however, for now, if you really want to, you could say something like: "hey fenanon, I know we have been really close for a while, and I also know you got over a 2 year relationship, but I just want to let you know that, if you ever want to get back into a serious relationship, will be there for you, and if you just want to keep things the way they are, I am ok with that as well, I just wanted to let you know how much you mean to me." So that should be something to get you somewhere.

Man, everyone outside this thread must hate me on my phone because it's one issue after another that they need my hand that much, but yeah, sorry for the delay, questions/concerns/details, let me know!

Feedback is optional, but appreciated!

MORE STREET SIGNS!!!!! FUCK YEAH!!!!!!!!!

Going to take some time to do some quickies

>>17697391
Is there a reason why? I can always take the opportunity to improve it.
>inb4 bait

Yeah I know, I am just, at this specific moment tried of the sarcastic approach.
>>17697974
Thank you, I am to not just give advice, but good advice.

Oh, that's it for quickies? Seems like the rest are not so quick, but I will get back at the grinder again, I am also running out of black raptors, not sure if that's good or bad?

Oh who am I kidding, you can never have too much raptors!

Also, if it is street signs again, ohhh ho ho...

....

Yep, street signs again.

Twice.

Sigh.

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>>17689114
How do I introduce myself to this girl? I don't have any classes with her or see her very often, what would be the best way to do this?

I have to get up in two hours for work (supposing I'll go to sleep) but I cannot help but stay awake thinking, listening to music, smoking and doing random shit like refreshing the /adv/ catalog. Just felt the need to praise you once again for a great thread. On another note, I just learned how to sew. Had a sewing kit lying around and my shorts needed some serious fixing. Thought I couldn't do it (and the job was sloppy as fuck in retrospect), but it's fixed. Might seem trivial, but it actually felt pretty rewarding to finally have a sense of progress in life somehow.

Ok, I think I can do one full post and a quicky before I have to end up doing the S-L-E-E-P word, but anyhow;

Eenie, meanie, clingie, dingue, blah, blah, (insert bullshit word here) and this one

>>17698204

Well mate, I am going to tell you something about your first relationship: you never know what you truly want and don't want in a relationship until you end up doing those things in said relationship.

As for what she sees in you, it's a little tricky, your girl could be leaning towards the "I love your personality and your heart" side of the spectrum. But if you want to know 100%, you are going to have to date her for a bit, and when the time is right, just say "so, what do you see in me?" That should help, you can also ask your friend.

But personally, I would advise you to date her, because she isn't giving off any red lights, so it is worth it to date her and see what kind of things she wants to do with you.

And, that's all.

...
Shit time is up I just wan-

[user:black_raptor has dozed off...again, he will get back to everyone and he appreciates everyone's positive feedback.]

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>>17698709
Also, before I am too drozy, good job on the progress, the pic was one of the first repairing works I did for my leatherworking, so I thought I contribute and congratulate!

Aaannnndddd I am dozing off aqa-

>>17697367
>>17697367
>>17697312
>>17696961

Another odd dream occured... (Involving the same fucking girl. I don't dream much, but when I do, she is somehow involved)

>be outfront my house (30 minute drive from the girl) doing something with my car
>Gas cap opens for some reason
>I go to close it, but for some reason my keys fall into a void and vanish
>Don't realize they are gone, so I start looking around for em
>The girls family rolls up. (5 of them in the car, Her (Middle of back seat), Her Brothers, and one sister (Driving))
>They make a u-turn, and drop her black brother off (Big Mixed family 6 or 8 kids), younger are darker, with a different last name.) (AFAIK, they know no one on my street.)
>The girl I am interested in just blankly stares at me. I do the same.
>They drive away. Still Looking at eachother

Goooooooood morning! The raptor is awake from his slumber! And I am on the hunt for helping other!

I think this time I am going to work bottom to top, starting with >>17699490
And I just have to do some stuff outside as well, like breakfast, animals breakfasts (there is a lot) taking dogs outside, etc, etc, so instead of bare with me, just raptor with me!

Also, this message has been sponsored by TRUCKASAURUS REX!!!!!!!!!!! YEAH!!!!!!!!!!' (Not actually)

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>>17699572

Black Raptor. I'll keep it short and sweet. I've suffered from depression and axiety for many years. I had a brief 4 year "break" from the time I was 18-22 where I wasn't depressed or anxious at all. Now I'm 25 and I am again. I'm in gradschool, which make my anxiety and depression go through the roof, nothing seems to make me happy (going out to the bars, staying in an watching netflix, hiking, etc), I'm forgetting to eat, not sleeping well, I feel hopeless, have a low sex drvie (used to be crazy high) and I think I might be bisexual. How do I get a handle on all of this? I feel like I've lost control of every aspect of my life. How do I at least find the motivation and strength to finish gradschool without breaking down?

>>17699572
Hey raptor. heres my problem.
Ive left my ex 2 months ago over problems that were unsettled. At first i felt like i did the right thing but up until now ive been depressed about the choice i made, wishing i could go back to fix it. Ive tried talking to her at first and she was obviously hurt but willing to try us again later, it was too much of a wait for me so i kept on trying to talk to her to her about it again.
Now she says she does not want a relationship with anybody while i try my best to comfort and convince her but it only made it worse.
After all of that, im getting the silent treatment.
Is there any other approach i could do? Or should i just swallow the blackpill and try not to kill myself knowing that i lost someone that i spent time with for 2 years and possibly wont find someone else like her again?

>>17699490
Ok, so this is quite the one

You had the key(not nessarly an actual key, just the idea kind of key) to get to her, but while you have prepared to go to her, you lost that very key in your preparation, and now you are struggling to find that key, family now gets between you and her somehow, and your opportunity for her has literally come and past, and she is now not in control of it, but her family is.

So yeah, that is what I could interpreted of that, not if it already happened or is yet to happen, only you can see that,

Questions/concerns/details, let me know!

Feedback is optional, but appreciated!

>>17699829
>>17699863
Haven't forgotten about you two, or anyone else, just working through the process! So raptor with me here!

and STORE FRONTS!!!!!!! OMG!!!!!!!!!

>>17699954
Ok. So I think I see what the Key was, and see what it was that caused the family to become involved.

The key I think was to have her join a me and a few friends in NYC. We would have been there for figure 8ish hours. So that would have given us time to talk and kinda get to know eachother.

But She was out of town then (Bro's Graduation.) Tried again a monthish later. This time in town, but her Sisters graduation. (Which prompted my stupidity with accusing her)

But now I am searching for said key. (Which is trying to meet up with her?)

Makes sense though

>>17700009
Pretty much

Although, by chance are you >>17689569

Just curious

>>17700078
Yea... Same idiot.

>>17689114
Raptor, I'm having trouble finding a job. I've moved back in with my parents because my father was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and my mother was having trouble running the household in addition to work and visiting him in the hospital.

I have been on 3 interviews for entry-level positions because I'm desperate at this point, but I haven't been called back. I've written cover letters that I've had proofread by friends and family, showed up neatly dressed, and walked away from the interview with reasonable optimism despite my anxiety. Hell, I even send a thank-you card to the person in HR who interviews me!

Still no calls back after each interview. I'm starting to believe that I have some terrible personality defect. I have been unable to secure a entry-level job despite having a four-year degree and asking for pay that edges towards minimum wage.

I came back to Bumfuck, Nowhere to help my parents, but it's counter-intuitive if I'm not even working part-time. I'm just another strain on the family and this is pretty fucking depressing. I admit that I'm mostly venting, but do you have any advice?

>>17700112
Ok, I think I am just going out randomly catching up here and there,

All I can say is that all employers are very picky nowadays and demand a lot of patience, because they need time to do a background check on you by visiting your facebook page, twitter account, etc. To see if you have any dirt you are hiding, and no matter what they do, they will find out, but they are not too harsh at judging, just if there was something you did at a party that seems very unprofessional or that you posted a inappropriate picture of your gf that you regret, that is what they are looking for. I had once applied to a job in a grocery store and it took a month until they told me I was hired and 2 more weeks until they put me to work, so that is it really, the higher grade the company (like a lawfrim to a McDonald's) the more they expect from you.

>>17697893
pls

>>17697893
Ok, here we go!

If you wants this, you will have to realize it's a step by step process, you will to get from A to B to C and not immediately Z, however, I don't doubt you know this already, you just need to find somebody,
Ask them out, get in that bf/gf relationship, and if you manage to pass that trial, there's engagement, marriage, and then the children. But something to add on, you have to at first be that chill guy just looking for that someone to date and hang out, which most relationships happen at your workplace, according to statistics, there is always online dating, bars, nightclubs, cafes, coffee shops, etc. Woman that have a history of cheating most likely prefer not to have a long-term relationship.

And it is alright with the sex thing you asked because the emotions displayed during intercoruse are sometimes key indicators to how much she may feel towards you, heck, sometimes you could very well find that someone during that,

As for the dream job, if you have that possibility, go for it! You only get so many chances, let's make sure and hope you get it on the first chance. And like all jobs, they will affect your soon-to-be family in a certain way (time away, safety concerns, etc) but most families make it through that so long as the person in the line of work handes it good, which means your work stays at work, your children and wife are not employees, when you are at the door of your house as a naval aviator, you enter through that door as a dad, because the "taking your work out at home" thing ruins most families.

And that is just a little guild to help you out there, questions/concerns/details, let me know!

Feedback is optional, but appreciated!

NUMBERS!!!!!!!!! OH RIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

>>17699829
>>17699863
Haven't forgotten you guys, I have something, just got to fine tune them.
>>17698693
Ok, going to TRY and be quick and simple, and I am sure I might not succeed, cause well, I am a raptor.

Part 1/2

But anyhow, what you need to do is enter, hook, converse, compare, admit, contact, meet up, farewell.

enter: this is where you place yourself within a conversation with, when you get a chance, going up to her, ask something like "is anyone sitting here" or "don't mind if I sit here" and if she accepts you, than you are in! And hence begin hook.

Hook: is where you get her attention, definitely not by "man, this weather" or "so, the lunch menu might change" you have to be more personal to get anywhere, but not too personal, just enough to start, sort of like "so what classes do you take?" Or "out of curiosity, what books do you find are good reads, all the ones I read are not that good/I read a few, but I don't know what to read" or "what is that about (point at object of interest)" the point is that you are trying to catch her attention by asking for her opinion, so refrain from trying to put in your opinion before her's.

Converse: once you got her hooked, you keep it going, getting you both engaged more and more, exchanging thoughts and ideas, finding similarities and differences, setting things up for

Compare: this is where when both have reached a good topic of common interest, you ask her "what do you think of this" and she replies, asks for yours, you say yours, you both talk about the comparison of opinions, reaching the admit stage

Admit: is when conversations die down a bit and you go "hey, I have never had such a good conversation with anyone else like you and I had" or "being around you has definitely brightened up my day" and proceed to

Contact: This is where you ask to exchange contact information, saying it like "hey, we should exchange emails/phone numbers, so we can work out another time that we can do this again" and

GRASS!!!!

>>17698057
I'm still here.

>>17698693
>>17700511
Part 2/2

Meetup: this is were you see if you can try to arrange another meet up, ex: "so, if you like, what time are you free this/next week? So we could maybe talk again, do something fun together!" And don't be bummed if you both couldn't figure out anything at that point, you will eventually figure something out when opportunity arises, just don't pester her about it, that's counterproductive.

Farewell, this is where one of you feel that the have to go, but when you start parting, you thank her for her time, and you promise her that you will stay in touch with her,

And bingo, that will escalate into more so, but that is for you to figure out, the stuff I just said is a process all on it's own, so start with that!

Questions/concerns/details, let me know!

Feedback is optional, but appreciated!

HOUSES!!!!!!! HORSES!!!!!!!! THEY ALL START WITH H!!!!!!!!!!!!

>>17689114

I'm going crazy over here with a relationship problem. Two of my close friends broke up and I've fallen for the girl. I've had feelings towards her for a while but it was easy to suppress when she was dating my buddy. He fucked it up and pushed her to dump him. A couple days before they broke up they got in a big fight and she slept in my bed after a party, but we didn't touch. I passed it off as she was just a good friend in need of a place to crash and some comforting words.

Fast forward like a month and a half after the breakup. She goes home with me after a party again, but this time asks to cuddle. I agree, but I don't make a move beyond that. I wanted to kiss her so bad, but it's too soon. I feel like it would be too selfish and risky to proceed any further down this path with her. We're all in the same group of friends. I don't want to lose my guy friend and be seen in the group as some scumbag who fucks his friends' exes. I don't want this to be some rebound mistake on her part. But the feeling I got when she was in my arms... goddamn. I haven't felt like that since my last girlfriend who I was seriously in love with, and I've been with others since then. Think there is a way I can navigate this carefully enough for it to work out, or is it a lost cause? I can't talk to any of my friends about this so it's just kicking around the echo chamber in my head. I wonder what she's thinking but I'm too scared and unsure of my own position to ask.

>>17698057
It seems unintentional, to me anyways

Which means she had a problem with her computer or the likes, so she was probably sitting somewhere cursing her computer or whatever that it is preventing her from talking to you.

The only thing that sucks more than intentional ghosting is unintentional ghosting, hang in there pal,

Also, WHY Does THE RECAPTCHA ALWAYS LAUNCHES ME TO THE OTHER SIDE OF THE THREAD!!!!!!!!!!!!

>>17700557
Eh, I doubt its unintentional.

I messaged her one day, and all I got was a read message on kik. So, I figured that she is ghosting me. Tried again like a month and a bit later, just to try and reconnecting, and same thing, just a read message with no reply.

(She is on 4chan, so she may actually see this.)

>>17689114
Alright mr. big black raptor, I have a problem. I'm unable to talk to people despite wanting to. 90% of the time I literally cannot think of anything to say to others and so a conversation with me will rapidly die. Compounding this issue is me being a complete spineless wimp who can never rock the boat and always bends over to please others, sometimes I'm just too shy to say things even when I can think of something. When I get over both these issues I'll often stumble over my words and garble sentences to the point of them being incomprehensible. I cannot emotionally open up to others and I come across as extremely reserved, I cannot remember having a single close friendship in my entire life despite desperately wanting want. I just want to be a normal outgoing guy.

>>17700545
Thank you so much this means so much to me!

>>17700575
>>17700554
>>17699863
>>17699829
I will get to you guys, if I am forgetting anyone, let me know! Just doing >>17700596
Alright, so, here are some things you should do
>inb4 u don't know what it's like raptor.

I do because I use to heavily stutter and mumble my words to a point where people thought I was speaking Japanese, and the only clear communication that I made with girls other than my sisters, where poetic love letters.

But anyhow, I learned to talk better, and you can to, the problem is that you are stuck in a instinctive mindset that makes how you see people as predators. And it is making you nervous around them. You just have to see the right people as friendly,

As stuff to help you, you will need to do this:

Practice: you learn by observing how other people communicate, increase you vocabulary and common news topics and references, and practice any possible scenarios that you can think of, even if it means doing it in front of a mirror or with your imaginary friend, just whatever gets you to realize that people are not going to rip your head off because you opened your mouth, that is
/v/'s, /b/'s, new york's, New Jersey's and Israel's job, no offence to any of them (their probably going to tell me off later) but anyhow, you just also realize that there has to be a point where you abandon the nervousness, and if you decide to do that in practice, you can do it out there with all those people, who probably really want you to have a good conversation with them.

Next, you have to get charm: and to get it, you have to find that version of yourself that you find so charming that his middle name is charming and humour, and then find the version of yourself that is all the things that you think is what you want to be you, and what part you like about yourself. And now you put those personalities together and when you feel you need them, you just switch off your nervous fearful self, and you switch on those other 2, and practice doing that-
Part1

>>17700927
Part 2

Anyhow, you practice doing that until the nervous personality starts to feel much more distant and unsuited. If nessary, you can always carry something on you as a lucky charm, just something that you feel can boost your confidence.

Next, is the harder part, once you practice on your own long enough, you can start doing it with other people, and as you are doing it, just try it without trying too hard, just to what feels like your normal self without the nervousness, and if you fail, don't focus on what you messed up, that doesn't even matter, because that is quitters talk, and your not a quitter, so instead, keep track of what you succeed in, because the more things that you noticed that went well, the more your instincts can pick that up and use it more, instead of all the nervous parts they have been picking up.

And something else for me to add to you: courage is not something that you have, it's something you are, it is that point that you understand that many things can go wrong, but you put those fears to the side and just go ahead to do what you really wanted to do so bad so you can feel the success that you where certain you can do.

This shall help you evolve, questions/concerns/details, let me know!

Feedback is optional, but appreciated!

>>17700605
Your welcome anon, I am always glad to help someone in need.

>>17700092
Just curious why you would ask? (Beyond just curiosity?)

Does it change anything?

>>17700984
Oh, because that confirmed that the thing that is taking up most of the available time of hers is her family, and I know how that can really mess with your schedule, having siblings of my own.

>>17700984
Also, forgot to add it doesn't change much, but the key to her is through her family, maybe just getting her to introduce you to the family, that might help, maybe, your the better judge of that choice.

>>17701057
Yea, but first I need to get closer with her. So I need the first key (Time with her) before I am able to unlock key 2 (Meeting her 7 siblings? and other family) But I think what that happens it may help.

>>17701047
Yea. Its mostly Family or work thats keeping her busy. (And once with preexisting arrangements with friends)

>>17689114
you ever gotten yourself so worked up over something that you've gotten so deep into a depression that you were mad instead of just sad? It's like going from "oh no" to "why bother" to "fuck it all". Is it possible to be so sad you're mad? Or maybe so sad that it leads to anger and then frustration. I find it kind of funny how the person that makes you smile with a simple action can be at the core of such distress? But that's the part that's frustrating, it's not her fault. It's all mine. I am furious because I know I have no reason to be furious. I don't know what to do. I wish I could just distance myself again but she's voiced opinion against that move, even if she agreed it was justified. I just don't want to have to deal with it.

To be more specific with my problem, I'm falling for a friend all over again. I cut myself off from her only to find that she absolutely loathed me for doing so. I told her of my feelings and why I cut her off (constantly getting jealous of her and certain guys which I'd never done before). She didn't like what I did, despite agreeing with my reasoning. Since then we've gotten much closer than we've ever been, talking much more, laughing much more. But it's happening again. And I don't know how to treat it. I'm not sure how telling her how I feel will go down, considering I don't want things to get all awkward and quiet. What am I to do, Raptor? How am I to treat these feelings and emotions?

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>>17699829
Ok, working down the list now, I am going conveyor belt mode here!

Yeah. Depression sucks man, I know how you feel, everything you say is pretty much revolving around it. But, as I can the source of it, and it is not what your doing, it is where you are, and you are currently going through grade school, and dealing with all the shit in it, that right there is the source of your depression. However, what you need is to have some sort of success, even the small ones will lift your spirits, finish the rough draft for your essay, celebrate! A chick or dude just have you his or her number, give yourself a pat on the back! Got above 65% on your math unit test, hell yes! Give yourself a beer!

And for long term, just remember 2 important things: 1, with all that you learn in here and there, just know that learning whatever is the specific things you learn, no matter how ridiculous it is, there is a future self thanking you somewhere for sticking around to learn that. 2, school will only last for so long, until you finish and succeed, because at the end of it when you read out the final marks of your success, release will feel so great!

So I hope that helps, I have not forgotten everybody, I am just juggling people outside and inside this thread.

But anyhow, CONVEYOR BELT MODE ACTIVATED!!!!!!!

>>17701098
Why can't I spell?

I think that if that happens****

I've been having a stomach issue since late January. Over the period from then to now, my symptoms have been bloating (lower abdomen) ,stomach pain, lower abdominal pain, nausea, fatigue, heavy feeling in lower abdomen, vomiting every once in a while, and a weird moving feeling also in my lower abdomen. Do you have any clue as to what it could be? I haven't talk to a doctor about it yet because I was too thick skulked to realize I couldn't handle this on my own.

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>>17699863
Ok, I am going to try to help you get back at it with, not knowing the break up situation is understandable, but impairs the psychological evaluation of your ex,
However, I can easily tell you that at the moment when she said that she would do it again in a while, THAT was your chance, she only wanted time to recover so you both could go back together again, and then your inpatience got the best of you and blew it.

Mate, you really messed up.

But, I have an idea, but it is 100% save your ass, however, it goes like this:

You are going to write a letter, label it as her full name to get her attention, don't add anything on the envelope, the letter should say: "dear (ex's name)

There is are a few things I should have said to you, that need to be said.

I'm sorry

I really fucked up

You needed time, and I was an idiot rushing you, and it took me this long to realize that I should have given you time,
And I would like to make that up to you. If we could meet somewhere, we can talk. As friends, and I will hear all you need to say to me, and I have some important things to say to you.
I won't bug you about getting back into a relationship, but if you want to talk about it, I will listen with my ears instead of my mouth.

I hope we can meet.

Love, (your name)"

And if she agreed. Then when you meet her, you listen to her, then when it is time for you to say it, say: "I am really sorry femanon, it took a bit, but I realized you needed time, and if I could, I would have kept my mouth shut and not rushed things, I don't ask to get back together quite yet, as I know you still need time, but what I want to ask is for a second chance and to start over before that point, I know I don't deserve it, but I won't ask more. So, do you think you can give me a second chance? As a friend?" And hopefully that is your saving grace, there is a 80% chance it will work, but if you want to get it back with here, this is the smartest way I can think of,

Good luck mate.

>>17700554
Ok, this seems like you are fucked either way in this one, one of them literally if you don't mind me pointing it out, but I see your trying to avoid the friend's ex rebound mistake, and I am very proud of you for tiptoeing very carefully between those lines, and that is a lot coming from me, but her is where you make it easier on yourself by facing the music, here is what you do:

You ask the guy friend if you can speak with him in private, then when you are somewhere private, you ask him if you keep this between you and him, and when he agrees, you tell him about how his ex is trying to show affection to you, and you ask him if you should show some back, and say you could be a bit of a buffer between him and her, this will let you know if he cares or not, or cares in a different way, but once you know how he would react, your choice could be simpler, but if it gets harder, then ask her, but to let you know, she is totally in love with you, and I am pretty sure either way you will end up loving her back, I mean, if you are going to have something shity happen somewhere I. Your decision, at least not have it come from the emotionally unstable ex that would make you feel bad for breaking her heart twice and instead with the guy who has a possibility of just understanding.

Anyhow, I don't know how to work this one better, but it is the best route you should take!

Questions/concerns/details, let me know!

Feedback is optional, but appreciated!

>>17701603
You should talk to your doctor, because IT seems like your appendix is the size of a beech ball, a really sever ulcer in stomach/intestines, or the popular vote: cancer, but it should be somewhere along those lines, unless it's tape worms.

>>17701727
If it means anything, I think this began during my period in January, but never went away, I don't know what's the least shitty option heh

How do i stop being so overly sensitive and letting every slight conflict with anyone bother me for days

>>17701704
Thanks for the response! I think you're right that I have to face the music, and it helps to hear. One problem that I didn't really get across is that I already know how the guy will react. He was a very possessive boyfriend and he's going to be extremely pissed at both of us-- me for getting with his ex, and the ex for messing up our friendship. That said, I still think I need to talk to him soon. As mad as he'll be, it'll be WAY worse if I start fucking her behind his back and he finds out or gets suspicious and confronts me about it. He might disown me no matter what I do, but at least I won't be guilty of hiding something like that from him.

On the other hand, I could end things with the ex before it goes any further and never mention it. I keep my friend and uphold the BroCode. She would understand my decision I think, even if she really is in love with me. But that means sacrificing a potentially amazing, life-changing relationship. She moves on, finds a new guy, and I'm bitter about it for a long time.

I'm always very sensitive about what other people think of me, especially my friends. But maybe this time I need to do something for me, take this chance and deal with the fallout. Or maybe I should just be a good friend and let the girl down before she gets too invested. Maybe I'll find someone else and be happy I didn't rock the boat in our friend group.

Thoughts? Especially on how to deal with the certain "stay away from my ex, you'll really hurt me if you do this" response from the guy if I talk to him about it?

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>>17701917
This I stuff I deal with on a daily basis

So, the point of this is to be numb and null to said arguments, they are nothing but pointless words from a single human being that is just angry for his mere hour until he feels bad about it, pretty much use sayings like being a rock that let's the river flow through it, but a personal favourite is to treat every hard day like a chapter of your story, for every bad day that is written out, ends that chapter, and begins another chapter, one that will be better than the last one.

So that should make your arguments have less weight upon you.

...holy crap, I CAUGHT UP!!!!! THIS DESERVES A MEME!!!!!!!

Questions/concerns/details, let me know!

Feedback is optional, but appreciated!

>>17701742
The only thing that confirmed is that it is an issue that has been lasting long term, which I am unfortunately not a doctor, which enforces that you should see one but all that I have mentioned is the best diagnosis I got, and I am not a licensed doctor, but I can tell you you need to see a doctor, ASAP, period.

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>>17702032

You forgot me. Here's mine again.

"
Black Raptor. I'll keep it short and sweet. I've suffered from depression and axiety for many years. I had a brief 4 year "break" from the time I was 18-22 where I wasn't depressed or anxious at all. Now I'm 25 and I am again. I'm in gradschool, which make my anxiety and depression go through the roof, nothing seems to make me happy (going out to the bars, staying in an watching netflix, hiking, etc), I'm forgetting to eat, not sleeping well, I feel hopeless, have a low sex drvie (used to be crazy high) and I think I might be bisexual. How do I get a handle on all of this? I feel like I've lost control of every aspect of my life. How do I at least find the motivation and strength to finish gradschool without breaking down?"

>>17701946
Yeah, like I said, your screwed either way, but might as well go with the literal way, besides, what would your friends think about what you did to femanon when she is already dealing with a break up, but yeah, screwed either way, besides, 65-75% he get pissed is better than 100% letting her down and 10-25% group gets pissed you hurt dude's ex.


Just, trying to show the odds for you, some risks are worth taking if other options hurt just as much.

>>17702049

Oh, your >>17699829

See >>17701557

>>17702064

Thanks Black Raptor!

>>17702073
No problem mate, always looking out for you anons

>>17702055
Hmm good points, didn't really occur to me that I might be in too deep to get out without hurting the girl. This probably isn't easy on her either, I'm sure she's conflicted too. This is all assuming she's actually into me, which I'm not 100% on... it's going to really suck if she's leading me on with some post-breakup neediness nonsense.

>>17702091
From what hear, it might just be a risk worth taking, it probably wasn't 100% at first, but it sure did escalate, and that 100% seems more reasonable now.

Well that's-

Aw shit, the S word is coming!(sleep)

We, if I doze, I will answer these tomorrow, which would be approximately 9 hours from now, either that or I become stubborn and resist for a long as I can, which has been the norm so I am going to go with that, so I guess I'm good?

>>17689114
How do I meet new people IRL?

I don't really enjoy drinking and partying that much so an answer that isn't "Go to a bar/party" would be appreciated.

>>17701644
Thank you for the help.

Yeah I was very impatient. This is the first time Im struggling with bad of a heartache and it made me do as much as I could to fix it.

I wrote the letter and changed a few wordings around to what I think fixed my needs.

Hope for the best and I will be as smart as I can, like you.

>>17689114
What do I do in a new city? I don't know anyone, I can't work (visa restricted), and the only classes I take are impersonal, small groups. I've been here for two months and probably a solid 3/4ths have been in my room (including sleep).

I've traveled a fair bit: whenever I was in a new city I would wander around in museums or parks while I was there, then leave. It's pretty boring, and I don't terribly want to do the same now. How do I transition from a tourist to a resident?

Emotionally I'm at about 7. How do I grow my emotions to the point where I can be mature enough for something like regular friends, a best friend, even a gf someday.

What can I do to grow my emotions?

>>17700575
Anything? I think you missed this reply

>>17702226
>>17702405
>>17702462
>>17702803
Will get to you guys, just working up the list this time, first is >>17702936

And you are right, I did miss you, sorry.

But yeah, her actions are still indicating that it is still somewhat unintentional, because if it was intended ghosting, she would have tried to cut all contact with you, if she still sent those messages, it still says that she still wants contact, however, I now believe it is more of a busy atmosphere that is affecting your contact with her, those messages from her she probably wrote quickly, busy, but still wanted to let you know she is still there.

However, what you can do, if it is possible for you, is to leave a message for here to ask if there is a time you both could start up talking again, because another difficulty is the time zones, as she has a much more different time zone than you, which might have been the other difficulty.

But yeah, it is just a message and wait kind of thing with you. Questions/concerns/details, let me know!

Feedback is optional, but appreciated!

And, BOATS!!!!!!!!!!

>>17703284
The thing is that those messages where still from when we were talking. Then all contact stopped

And by a "Read message" I mean, it was just indicated that she saw them. But nothing actually from her.

And I doubt it was Time zone reasons. As it is only like a 5 hour time difference between us. And we had almost a set time that we would talk.

And I did message her about a month after she cut contact saying something like "Hey, its been a while" Just was marked as read. but no reply

Ok, going to do a bunch here

>>17702226

There are tons of way you can, there are coffee shops, cafes, libraries, online dating, concerts, etc, you just have to find a place or event in your community where you have the opportunity to meet new people.

>>17702462

Go for a jog around that city, and do museums and parks, go to cafes, coffee shops, bars, nightclubs, concerts, etc. To become a resident is know your environment of said city.

>>17702803

Playing music, as well as listening to it, is a good way to make yourself have more emotion, but go for the more emotional kind, not the half assed dished out black guy cliche gangster rap, that is trash. Also, drawing, painting, etc. Can bring lots of emotions to the creator, they just have to know that they will not be anywhere near perfect, but must still try.

>>17702405
Your welcome, and I am confident you will be there.

Questions/concerns/details, let me know!

Feedback is optional, but appreciated!

Does the struggle ever end? I can laugh and enjoy myself during the day, but whenever I unwind in the evening, my mind always drifts to the conclusion that life is futile.
Is this just my nature? I guess I should keep on looking for meaning in life, since we make our own meaning and stuff. But that seems fake to me and I don't think I can be happy believing in a lie.
So how can I create meaning that I don't perceive as a lie? Or would I see meaning that I created as something that exists out of myself? If so, where do I look?

Sorry, I ramble.

>>17703314
Hmm, well, at this point, I think you have done all you can, and it might be time to make the decision to either hang on or move on, as you have more understanding of the issue, so I believe you can make the better decisions, as all I can tell from her now is that she is either busy, forgetful, or she is trying to ghost you, so I am confident you can make it, however you choose to go from here.

Good luck my friend.

>>17689114
Black raptor, I need your help. I want to start using dating apps to get more comfortable flirting with women, but I don't really have any pictures of myself. When I try taking them, I feel really goofy and cringe.

What should I do?
Also, if I'm missing the point here and dating apps just aren't a good approach to finding a partner, I'd appreciate any other insight you've got.

>>17703449
I'm sure shes trying to ghost me, for what ever reason. But I'm not gonna block her, just in case she does want to reconnect.

Not gonna count on it though

Thanks again. (For all of the things I asked about)

>>17703463
Don't worry, dr. Raptor is here

Ok, goofy, if you try to be goofy, is good, because among all those serious pictures, you will stand out, displaying yourself as a comedic, fun loving guy, that just wants to have a good time.

But also take your picture somewhere where it has some sort of nature resembling a park or your backyard, displaying a natural image of yourself, make yourself stand out from those who take theirs in their room or at some college party.

Next, simple, yet desirable clothing, red is a colour that stands out and scientifically stated to be the colour that attracts more, and mixes well with black, yellow, and white, among others, and dress something like jeans, t-shirt, v-neck collar and sleeve shirt, something like that will work well.

>>17703424
Your next mate!

Questions/concerns/details, let me know!

Feedback is optional, but appreciated!

>>17703424
The search for meaning is by far a difficult quest, but many things can be used as meaning, you just have to have short term and long term goals in life, and have success, even if is small, it means you are still doing something right.

And one last thing to help you is to give you this saying of mine: you are the author of your story that is life, and with all the characters that are in it, you are the protagonist, you have a beginning, and an end, with some high points, and some low ones, but this story is written however you make it, so that when there you have a rough day, you may not be able to unwrite it, but you can end that chapter, and start a new chapter, one that will be better than the last, and there may be some stories that have bleak endings, yours doesn't have to be, as you are on a long and hard journey, but in that journey, you will learn new things, met new people, and discover more about yourself, and when you have written the end of your journey, you will receive a handsome reward, but only to learn that what was most rewarding was the journey you have written for yourself.

Sorry if it is a little tricky to make sense of, it may have been a little too poetic, but the point you are looking for is still there, if you look hard enough, but when you apply this to life, you will eventually see what I mean.

Questions/concerns/details, let me know!

Feedback is optional, but appreciated!

I'm gonna more or less paste another post I made in another thread, I'm sorry for the lazyness but I'm just looking for an answer from anybody by now. Sorry for the incovinience.

I'm feeling deatached. I feel like the only thing sustaining my relationships with most of the people that are close to me is a sense of duty.

My family is broken. My SO is broken. Most of my friends are broken. I dread meeting them sometimes because I know, it's gonna be one of those days and I'll end up trying to solve someone else problems. It's been this way for years.

I don't know what I want by this point. If you offered me a one way ticked to anywhere I might leave everything behind and take it.

And more and more lately, I've just been thinking about how I don't really care about what happens as long as I'm not responsible for it. And I feel like shit everytime the thought crosses my mind, because that's not good enough. I should care for people and help them because they need the help. But more and more, everyday that passes I feel like I have literally ran out of fucks to give.

And I feel like I love these people, but can't be bothered to care anymore sometimes. And that makes me anxious. Because I know that's no good and I should be helping them and shit, but the thought of going into the usual rutine again also makes me anxious and fuck, I feel like there's no way out. Should I be looking for professional help?

>>17704335
Hey mates! Immm baaaack!!!!
Part1/2
But yeah, no worries mate,
I know the feeling, I am usually the guy that is heavily depend on to take people's steam and never have steam, like, a little and everyone thinks I'm horrible, I also can tell that you are tired of helping the same people who are not doing much in return but demand more of it, that is sorta why I started this thread, but yeah, how I managed to deal with it is not simple, but effective enough, which consists of: helping outside your group, understanding your group, and being the better example.

Now, helping outside your group is just going out to lend a hand to someone that you haven't before, I usually gave out $5 to whoever I thought had a hard working job that supported the community in a way the community doesn't really give credit for, but it doesn't have to be as complicated as that, it could be holding a door open for someone, offering to buy them a coffee/tea, or however you were aiding your group that was mentioned, this just helps return that good feeling you get when you help someone, it is just a change in scenery is all.

Now, understanding, is not the same as forgiving or sympathizing your group, I say group meaning your friends, family, SO, so, this is just understanding that they could do something, but when they go to you, it's not cause they are whining, but rather that they depend on you because they trust you a lot, but still could do better, their issues sometimes shouldn't be your concern, but you do it anyways instead of telling them to stuff it because you do care, but you are just numb to it, this is the confusing part that I was talking about,

But, being the better example is where it will eventually make sense, because this isn't just being the toughest one in the group, no, that is not what you want, what you want is that as whatever they do in life results in a problem that they can't notice, you just be that solution, your the attitude, personality, and figure

Hmm... I'm the guy with the very busy and shy girl.

I wonder if this could work?
"I know you're always busy all the time but do you wanna set a date or time for when we can hang out?"

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>>17704335
>>17704904
Part 2/2

That they needed and are not, because the more you show that example, the more they want to be it!

Because, well, they sort of look to you as a leader, but don't acknowledge it openly, however, all three things, although not a perfect science, as I am still working it out myself, but I can tell you it will make things less numb.

As for professional help, I wouldn't recommend it, it is just effects of being socially worn down by the same people that are always needing you to fix this and that, at most it's borderline depression, so I would not worry too much unless you have a suicidal episode and feel like it is driving you to kill yourself or that you lost complete meaning in life, that is when you go for help.

But yeah I am pretty much working through the same issue, amongst other issues that I won't bore you with, so sorry in advance if it seems confusing or not so helpful.

Questions/concerns/details, let me know!

Feedback is optional, but appreciated!

And sorry, I don't know what SO means.

>>17704908
Worth a try, then again, almost everything is at this point.

>>17704947
Yea, l don't know if I should wait another week or so so, or just do it now.

The ice skating rinks are starting to open this week, so there's that as a possibility

>>17704955
Indeed, just trust your gut on this one, you have clear judgment on the situation, just don't let inpatience get the best of you.

>>17704975
I think I'll give it another week or so.

But I may bring it up sooner if we see each other in person or talk before then

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I often get compliments on how I look, on my voice and even extremely hot cougars saying to other people (that tell me) they wish they were alone with me.
I've even had guys invite me to their house or telling me things on the street.

But I'm still not sure if I'm attractive and I'm still a virgin in my 20's, even if I dress really nice and I take care of myself a lot.
I'm super scared of actually just go and talk to a girl I don't know and ask her out, and I'm sick of this, I don't know what to do.
I know I'm interesting because I'm hardcore into music, movies, art, literature, sports, etc, I know I'm at the very least not super ugly, the closest I went to losing my v card was a girl flat out asking me to go to her house asap saying her parents weren't home, I wasn't even dating this girl.

I'm somewhat confident but not confident enough to exude it and let myself just go and ask this girl out, I'm worried about what will happen, what she's gonna think, that she's most likely gonna reject me, that I'm gonna sperg out and ruin any chance I could've possibly had, etc.
Worst part is that I think she likes me, I've seen her glancing at me several times and I'm not quite sure but I think she tried to mimic my actions a couple times.

I'm sick of this, I want to talk to her, I want to take her out and deep down I KNOW I'm a catch but at the same time I think I'm nowhere near good enough.
How do I even approach this problem.

>>17704999
Well, I can tell you this: you have the best setup that you can possibly get, the only thing I see that needs to be fixed is your confidence level, and your self-esteem. And those can be fixed with a heart-to-heart with yourself, and a mirror.

Now, how you are going to do this is you are going to look at that mirror, in that mirror is a charismatic, confident, charming dude, that HAS the skills to get where you want, and you are currently the unconfident, low self-esteem, nervous mess, and that guy in the mirror just wants to give that other guy that you are a break, so, this may sound a little stupid, but it will work, so, you then close your eyes, and slowly reach out till you hit the mirror, the other guy in the mirror will do the same, but when you hit the mirror, that is the exact moment you switch, so that way the guy that was in the mirror is now you, and nervous you is in the mirror, this only works if you know it works, no exceptions, any doubt and it won't work.

So if you let it work, it will work, getting someone is as easy as pie if you believe it is, confidence is a power that can get you anywhere if you let it.

Questions/concerns/details, let me know!

Feedback is optional, but appreciated!

>>17705170
That's an interesting exercise, I might try it tomorrow.
I just don't know, I feel like I SHOULD be confident but goddamn.

Thanks for the help but I'm kinda wondering what you mean by having the best setup I can possibly get.
Is it because you think it's likely she's into me or what?

I usually detest these threads but I need someone to at least acknowledge my emotions.

I had a really meaningful night out with a friend. We talked about shit, both casually and seriously, and we have such a similarity of thoughts and methods of thinking that I'm feeling really bummed out that we're not going to see each other for a very long time.

It's more than bummed out. I'm feeling like she was someone I could love. Like really love. Soul mate shit.

I don't allow myself to feel things like that, but that's how it is.
Tomorrow I'm going to wake up sober and probably regret being so emotional, but I legitimately think she's going to be one of the people I want to keep close to me for the rest of my life

I have similar feelings to the anon above.
For awhile I've had a buddy who I thought could eventually become "the one". I'm not ready for a relationship just yet and intended on seeing if time could bring us closer, but now he may be moving far away sooner than initially anticipated.
Both of us are pretty busy, and with a timer now in place i am starting to feel that maybe I should try my best to ditch these emotions and do my best to just embrace what we have now.
God damn if he doesn't make me the happiest person on the planet though.

I think I have two genuine problems with the female gender.

First is, I am too dumb to flirt and romantically pursue them apparently. Firstmost because I may be too autistic to properly see those little signals and changes in behaviour and body language girls send if they're interested. For an example I'll greentext this:

>Meet girl in a theater group at university
>We first ignore each other pretty much, but when the premiere draws near we hit it off pretty good, we chat a lot, have fun, share interests, after the premiere we even hung out pretty close together on the empty stage and talked a lot
>Go to a dance with her, watch series at her place on her bed
>In all those moments, I never had the guts to try to do something intimate with her, because I never was sure if she was into me
>Cue three months later, I find out over a mutual friend that she was really head over for me back then, cried because of me, couldn't eat and shit
>Shortly after we hung out at her place she apparantly lost interest and said she was at fault for being into be, she saw something that wasn't there, so I think I don't have a shot with her anymore

So, nowadays I hang out with girls regularely, wherever I meet them I can actually get coffee dates, movie dates and shit, but I never actually can predict if it's socially acceptable or wanted by the girl that I make the next step, or the move onto her. Wat do?

Second thing is, like I said, I can actually get some girls to be at least basically interested in me, because I get regularely matches on tinder, talk a lot with the girls, they seem to be genuinely interested in what I say, what I do (like I said, I act, I also do other artsy shit, and I mostly pursue girls who appear to be into that shit, too).

>>17706378

cont.

But the girls always seem to lose interest after a while, even if I do active pursuing and try to entertain them, and do shit like setting clear dates like "Meet up for coffee at 12 tomorrow?" instead of "Hey girl, wanna do something together like in the near future, maybe like?"

What do I do wrong? It clearly does not seem like I am a real unwanted wiz, because I had my share of ONS, dates and gf's, and like I said before, I even got a girl falling in love for a short while with me while not knowing that and breaking her heart, so it does not seem that I am that repulsive.

Four or five years ago, I was a really enthusiastic person with pretty strong passions and dreams. Now I feel like I've been stuck in some really horrible apathy for the last year or two. How can I get over it?

I'm back, I dozed off... again... but after literally having cookies for breakfast, currently on tea #5, and now that everything in the kitchen has stopped trying to kill me, I am all ready to start!

>>17706707
Fun "morning" I guess?

>>17706430
I know just the thing, it's a little 3 step rule I use:

1. Make a plan: it helps you have your dreams and goals feel more possible if you set a plan that will help you get there, a step-by-step, day-by-day plan where every hour feels like that it is an hour closer to success. It also helps to have a few back up plans, as not every plan is perfect. And when figuring out a plan, I like to work it from the end to the beginning, so that way my end goal stays clear and isn't manipulated too much. And when you make a plan, that too is a step closer to your goal or dream, which will get you more hyped about it.

2. Feel the success: whether you made a big leap or you just made a 1% difference, just feel successful for that moment, because success, big or small, helps you move forward to the next step, because when you feel success, it just drives your brain to want to do it more, that that right there is definitely what you need.

Always learn more: another step that can be taken any day and a step that is taken repeatedly, basically, the more you learn about the desired subjects of your goals, the better you can figure out how to get closer, and faster. We have internet, the ultimate information exchange post, where you can learn ANYTHING!!!

Anyhow, this should get you out on the right track, questions/concerns/details, let me know!

Feedback is optional, but appreciated!

Tea sounds nice, Raptorman

Let me get in on this

I'm a 32yo man who's been officially single since spring 2013. I was in a couple of 5 and 3 year long relationships in my twenties, and had low game inbetween, and for long periods after breakups, due to lingering oneitis. I've acknowleged that I don't really want to be in a monogamous relationship any time soon. I've slept with 13 chicks, 8 of which has been since I last had a girlfriend. Basically, I want to be free to continue to persue any woman I want, and whether or not I'm dating someone regularly shouldn't stand in my way. I do however prefer to build and develop sexual relationships over time, and I'm not a one night stand kind of guy, so I guess you could call me polyamorous.

Earlier this year I dated a woman who fell in love with me. We never had the relationship talk, so I never told her that I wasn't interested in anything exclusive, which of course broke her heart when she finally did ask me.

I don't want to make the same mistake again. However, the woman I started seeing five weeks ago, has already said that as long as there's no agreement to be exclusive, I should do as I want. She has also expressed that she wouldn't create any drama if I told her that I've slept with anyone else after we first met.

I would like to keep sleeping with her indefinitely. Do you think I should have the talk, and clearly express that I would love to continue dating her, but not interested in monogamy, or am good just continue like this? There are at least two other women who are interested, who I'd like to fuck in the very near future. One of them has said that she's looking for exclusivity in the long run, but I've already told her that I got other women who are informed about my situation, and the other one is only looking for a fwb and knows about the woman in question.

>tl;rd
Basically, the woman I'm already fucking seems fine with me being poly, but I haven't told her straight that I am.

What do to avoid sad?

>>17705432
Well, I can definitely acknowledge your emotion, I don't want to talk about it too much, but I will say there is someone I love quite a bit, but she is in a different country than I am, and it will be a long time to I get there, and when I do, I have to look for her, because I don't know exactly where she lives and her actual name is, so yeah, totally feel for you.

As with help, I don't have much to go on, but if you know where your friend is, than have a short term and long term plan to see them again

For short term, try to plan points of time where you try and get to contact with her. Planning visits, online communication, letters, that kind of thing, and try to see if she feels the same for you, but at the right moment of course, that moment is when she likes you that you cared enough to try and stay in contact with her, sort of thing, of course there are slight possibility of other factors and issues that could affect certain parts of your plan.

But provided it runs smoothly, your long term plan for here, unless you decide to move on, is how you intend to make a certain move to be around her again, like going to move to the same place as her, waiting and preparing for when she comes back, or whatever you could think of, as this will get you closer so you can ask her out.

Of course, this is all optional, if you just wanted to vent, then that's cool, or if you think it's just the beer talking or impaired judgment, you make sense of it however you feel, my advice is just there just in case you want to take some action on it,

Questions/concerns/details, let me know!

Feedback is optional, but appreciated!

I've been depressed for several years, but have always managed to kind of work through it by trying to improve myself and always working towards some sort of goal. This past summer I was in my hometown because university was on break, and ended up meeting a wonderful girl who I'm sure is the love of my life.

Having her in my life changed everything, I was happy, truly happy for the first time in years. I started taking real pleasure in the hobbies I had previously only used a distraction. I could see the small beauties that filled the world, like you always hear Buddhists or Taoists talk about. I can't really describe what a contrast it was for me, it was like life had gone from something to worry and fret about to a world of endless possibilities.

I foolishly (or maybe not, I'm still not sure) decided not to pursue anything with her because by the time I had managed the confidence to it was already close to time for university to start again, and I thought it would be pointless because we go to school on completely opposite sides of the country.

That was several months ago and I'm really struggling now. I'm back to being filled with existential dread, but it's even worse now because I know that it doesn't have to be like this. I've got know idea what to do at this point, I know that the healthy thing to do would be to move on but the thought of seeing her again is the only thing really motivating me anymore.

I'm probably going to see her again at Christmas, so I could tell her that I love her and hope that it works out. But I'm worried that that would be seen as creepy and obsessive, since we haven't seen each other for months and haven't even spoke much at all.

>>17706333
Pretty much if you still want to keep your feelings for him, than when you get even the slightest chance, try to see if you can find a way to stay in contact with him, if you have a form of contact with him, than it will be much easier on yourself to get to know him better.

But that's just how I would go about it, as everything is mostly a chance worth taking, questions/concerns/details, let me know!

Feedback is optional, but appreciated!

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Yo Black raptor, this is mostly me trying to stop myself from ruminating and overthinking it alone, a second opinion/ advice is still greatly appreciated. So I go to school with a girl I think is pretty cute. Problem is that I only have 2 classes with her and dont sit anywhere near her. She doesnt have facebook either or at least isnt using her real name. I dont have the guts to just go up to her after class and strike up the conversation. The few times we have spoken with each other it went pretty well though. We are roughly interested in the same stuff and I would say that Im in her league. She doesnt get that much male attention which could potentially help me. Last week we were on a five day school trip and a group of people including me and her went drinking together and had a dandy time. I got her friends number and she said that they would probably both come if I invited them for drinking. I know for a fact that shes single and probably still a virgin, which could help me not disappointing her if it should come to this. I got the number of her best friend and both would probably come if I invited them for drinking. Im just afraid of fucking it up. More so than the rejection itself. Im not exactly in love with her but I know that I want THIS girl. How would I go about getting closer to her. We graduate next year mind you and the studying in early 2017. She is also one of the few people who knows about my depression because I told the people I was drinking with about it. Another potential problem is that we are both interested in politics but Im more left leaning and she is more right leaning but I dont know how extreme it is. I just want other input than my own thoughts. Im too "embarrassed" to talk about this with my friends and the one friend I ask who even knows her just said "lol I dont know Im not good with girls myself" while being the only one in our group of friends to ever have had girlfriends. Hes still as autistic as we are though.

>>17706913
>>17706941
Will get to you, I just have to deal with >>17706378

Ok, so, you have the ability to friendly hit it off with them on a friendly level, but the problem is that you get too cold on them, because they try to set up things so you could get closer to them, but you just don't, you come off as playing too hard to get, because you don't flirt, you don't open up, and you don't get personal, so to help you, I'll display some things to help you

This is to help with flirt detection

Excitement and wanting to meet again is a good sign they like you, ex:"sure! I would love to try this again with you" resistance, uncomfortable, and delaying means they don't, ex:"I don't know, I have work and stuff, maybe another time" also these rules apply to yourself.
Another rule is that if she is stepping closer to your personal bubble, the more she is comfortable with you, the farther she is from your bubble, the less she likes you, you can do the same to her, as this is a form of body language flirting.

And if she is more in depth and personal, you flirt, if she is talking less and more distant/making it hard to hold a conversation, don't flirt.

But yeah, be creative with your flirting, evaluate how others flirt, be in depth, express your feelings, sometimes mimic the personality of the chick, whatever gives her the hint that you have feelings for her too, because that is what flirting is, subtle hints of your feelings to that person,

Now go and get them you love animal! Questions/concerns/details, let me know!

Feedback is optional, but appreciated!

>>17706754
Indeed, it was indeed, but I had worse. Thanks!

>>17706913
Yeah, problem is I steep it and forget it for an hour and then take it out to heat it up again, so it is probably 579% worse than crack cocaine at that point, bug oh well,

Anyhow, I had a feeling that something like this would come up, but not to worry there playa! I might have a solution!

So, from what I can see is that as long as everyone is acknowledged of each other, meaning chick 1 knows about chick 2 and 3, and then on, you might just save that conversation for another time until things get deeper and it needs to be said, at the right moment of course, but one thing to keep this all together is to make sure your honest, and that you have proper display of your feelings, and full acknowledgement of all there feelings as well,

And have some rules for yourself, and give chick 1 to be free to do the same as you are doing.

As for rules, these just help keep balance in your relationship(s), such as choosing who your primary chick is, limit on how many outside the primary, etc.

As long as you don't lie, and you set boundaries for yourself, keeping your and their feelings in check, this can go well, but there will be that point in time that you possibly have to stop and settle down, whether intentional or not, just make this thing fair to all players, and your good.

Questions/concerns/details, let me know!

Feedback is optional, but appreciated!

>>17706941
Hey mate, sorry it took so long, I had a lot of stuff that was holding me back, but anyhow:

Yeah, you didn't do anything to foolish, probably prevented putting some pressure on her, I do want to say that the happiness is not solely from her, but rather the idea of wanting to date somebody, not trying to knock the wind out of your sails, but the point I am trying to make is that you don't just put ALL of your raisins in on her, explore a bit, it wouldn't be a 100% sure shot with her, it doesn't mean don't try her, in fact, to increase the ability to try it out with her, ask for contact information, like e-mail, Skype, phone #, etc, so that way you guys can get to know each other, but you should also expand your horizons, so you don't spread yourself thin.

I hope this helps, sorry I am late, questions/concerns/details, let me know!

Feedback is optional, but appreciated!

>>17707153
>everyone is acknowledged of each other
well, 1 suspected (in a playful manner, "naughty man!" kind of deal) that I had slept with more women after her, and said that she wouldn't make it a problem. I told her that, I've been too busy with her and my work, so haven't been with anyone else. I guess what I'm wondering, is if I should backtrack on this and say the words "I want to continue dating you, what we got here rocks my world, but I'm not interested in limiting myself, if I see fit, and neither should you," or something like that.

Of course I think that my sexual partners should be as free to do what they like, as I am - part of the fun is the challenge of always remaining their best option.

Also, I'm not really sure I agree that they should know about each other. I do however agree that they should know that there are others, otherwise it falls upon me to come up with excuses, whenever they ask me what I was up to when I couldn't answer the phone all evening, etc. I'm not organised enough to keep a steady schedule, so I'll make it clear early on that I can't always be available, sometimes I could be busy for a couple of weeks, other times I could basically live in their bed for a week, so they'll just have to adjust.

Having a primary seems the best, but it's too early to tell whether chick 1 will be it. Btw she's a single mom, so that factors into it. So far I've been adjusting to her time off, when the child is at its father's. I have no intention of meeting any member of the family until I know for sure that I want to keep seeing her.

We haven't talked much about relationships, but from what I can gather of info, she's been quite promiscuous the last year, since her last relationship, and she doesn't want to rush into anything. For all I know, she just want me as one of several lovers, which is also fine, as long as eveybody is safe and healthy.

Thanks for pointers, will think more about rules.

Hey black raptor . I'm that guy who was wondering how to ask a girl out . She rejected me , but I'm still happy that I asked . She told me the reason was she wasn't interested in a relationship , personally I don't give a fuck the reason , but she said she still wants to be "friends".

Personally I think she was trying to let me down easy , but should I ask her to hang out this weekend and see if she wasn't bluffing ? Personally I would just ignore her but I'm too nice to do that , plus we see each other for projects in a class . She makes decent company .

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>>17707060
So, sorry for the delay, so here is my second opinion:

First off, do not be afraid of messing up, because you have a really fair chance, the only thing ruining it is being afraid you will mess up, because that is the very thing to mess you up, you don't mess up if you are not afraid of messing up, proven scientific fact!

Now, with interacting with her, mostly you do it with confidence, but there are some things I like to add so something can't go wrong, 1, when it comes to politics, you have your opinion, but keep your opinion open to other opinions, that way you both could seek understanding of both sides, and not cause any possible conflict, next, I like to point out that her friend have gave you a good hint: they will come for a drink, so starting off, that is your go-to to hook her in, but don't overuse it. Unless she is THAT kind of person, because she will eventually desire a change in scenery, this is just a building block to help you get that first date.

So, that should help you out, questions/concerns/details, let me know!

Feedback is optional, but appreciated!

I have one for you, maybe you can help, but first a little background:

I've never had any friends, I've been socially retarded since birth and don't really understand how to make friends because to me it seems like its almost a transaction of some sort.

The people i knew in school were only friendly while in school and as soon as the school day was over, they were gone.

Adding to this, I see most people as using me as a tool to get something done and then tossing me away as soon as I'm not useful.

But there are people that I work with that I'd like to be friends with and care about but I don't have any idea how to do that. And it feels like I just get a cold vibe from them if I attempt to try to act friendly instead of keeping my distance like usual.

Any advice, or am I fucked?

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Alright Black raptor, here's the deal

I need to improve my life in a number of ways, such as studying, working out, practicing my drawing, etc. The problem is, while I know in my mind I want to do these things, and I want in my heart to do these things, I don't desire them with my soul. It might sound contradictory to say I "want" to do these things but then say I have no "desire to," but thats really it, I want to do it yet I still can't force myself to, I just sit on this site and other stupid sites all day doing nothing since it's easier I guess. I think what I'm trying to say is that I have no passion. Even though I know it's important stuff and I want to improve my life, it's very, very hard to force myself to do anything productive. The big problem that has come from this is that I'm graduating soon (next fall) and I have zero work experience, unlike my peers who all have had numerous fancy internships and other impressive things like that. Also, my grades aren't terrible, but they're pretty mediocre because I never study or do my assignments until the last minute. How can I find the will to do what I know needs to be done?

>>17708588
Ok, I'm back, I clicked for the captcha, and then deleted my entire post, so here goes number 2

So, with the:

>"I want to continue dating you, what we got here rocks my world, but I'm not interested in limiting myself, if I see fit, and neither should you,"

Perfect! I could have not done it better myself, somewhat literally. But add a "right now" after the "limiting myself" as well as a "if you'd like" after the "neither should you"

And for the "knowing about each other" I should have been more specific, with this, they just want to know 3 things:
1, if you have slept with someone else, 2, how many, and 3, if they know them, the rest they pretty much don't care about too much.

So yeah, hope this gives additional support to your cause, and good luck!

Questions/concerns/details, let me know!

Feedback is optional, but appreciated!

>>17708703
Ok, more posts, alrighty then!

So, with you, making friends is a difficult thing to do at first, in the terms where you be friendly to them and they be friendly to you, you hang out, and your friends! Yeah, that is confusing, but that is where I come in, when it comes to making friends, it comes down to this: hang around them, help them out, talk supportively, see you around. Hanging around them is just meaning to go hang in their general area, within conversation distance, if a guy is at a bar table alone, go sit with him (politely asking to of course), next comes helping said person out, whether it is giving that extra $5 to finish paying for the persons bill, offering some really good advice (when the moment calls for it) or your that guy that brought the beer to the party when the other guy forgot, this is what we call earning their friendship, when you do something to help them out in a way no average person could bother to, which then comes the supportive talking, which goes something with said person going like:
>"hey, thanks man, that really helped me"
and you go like
>"no problem man (ex:) I figured that if anything, we could have a better party with some well needed party drinks"
and they might be like
>"man, your pretty cool, I say you are a really good pal"
and with you going
>"always gald to be a good pal, well should really hang out more sometime"
and they are like
>"yeah, definitely man"

and that should go something like that, and you will be good to go, you might be in additional conversation, but when it's time to go, either them or you, just ask when you can hang out again, and they or you will think of something.

And you should be good to go, questions/concerns/details, let me know!

Feedback is optional, but appreciated!

>>17708706
Ok, mind me, I am just going to take this generally, say an important saying of mine, and then explain it.

Anyone can want to do anything, and anyone can just do it, but what makes the difference between hashing out like a conveyor belt of the same crap, and putting your soul into it, is utilizing all your clever ideas, have attention to detail, and instead of producing something basic, which is something you will have to do at first so you can compare it to the next thing, making or doing something pure, your heart is the translation of your soul, whereas soul and passion is the very movements that are used to create the pure object, the result of self guidance, an unique idea, effort, and imagination, brought to life, what was in your head, is now something that has now been witnessed with human sight, hearing, smell, taste, and/or human touch.

As a soon-to-be writer, I have a saying, that the one book that everyone writes is the story of the life each one of those authors live right now, were it is written using the heart as the ink, the mind as the pen, the voice as the wrist, and the soul as the hand providing the movements for each stroke that writes the story letter-by-letter, word-by-word, and so on, where each turning page is every living, breathing moment and/or thought, each chapter begins anew, and if something in your life happens and it effects on or against you, those words are written and can't be erased, but you can end that chapter, turn the page, and start a chapter anew, where you learn from the last chapter, so you can write a better chapter. I could go on more, but I think you have it

Your soul is an instrument, that supplies every satisfying movement, and your heart is the organ that provides you the process to the end result, the units to the subject you study, the tasks for your job, the lines that make your drawing, I would know as an amateur drawer myself, and the mind is what brings detail, the strokes... part 1/2

>>17708706
>>17708960
Part 2/2

The stokes of certain lines, the important theorys or rules or event you remember when you study, the choice of workout technique and how many times you do it, etc.

So, that is one of the best ways I could explain it, questions/concerns/details, let me know!

Feedback is optional, but appreciated!

And I have been appreciating all the feedback, it has been helping get better with this, and if this thread lasts 7 days, I will feel confident enough in my abilities to make a site or blog about this so that way it won't archive or anything, and I am about 1 day away! Yeah!!!!

>>17689114
I like that name, Black Raptor, can I steal it? The pic too

-Blaptor

>gf is always tired for anything sexual
>not even a bj or hj
>love her still but have high libido and want to feel connected sexually to her so fapping won't cut it
wut do?I don't know what to do,I don't want to cheat on her but it's getting harder everyday

Man! I'm back! and now that I am not asleep, and that I had a sinckers for breakfast, my shoe stopped trying to eat me, and I had a staring contest with a knife for no reason, I think I am good, so let's get to it!

>>17710099
The pic you can, so long as it is not used for something like another black raptor therapy thread or similar, as for my name, black is alright, it is just the raptor part, I am just thinking that there are better names like jet wrecker, republic of awesome, even if you use something like jack the raptor (like Jack the Ripper, just with a raptor instead) I ran into this problem when 1 of my siblings tried to take a similar name to mine, I had helped them find a better name for them, so if you need help finding a cool name to use, just let me know!

>>17710191
Well, I can tell you rushing it is not going to help either, but what you could do are a few options:

1. You can be patient and pent yourself up, so that way you can wait until she is ready again, so that way release will feel glorious for the both of you.

2. You can ask her what she wants to do, find out what her sexual interests and curiosities are, and try them out.

3. Rekindle your relationship, do all that stuff you stopped doing like dates with fancy dinners, taking her out for a movie, going for long walks on the beach pondering about life and the future, just to remind her that you don't just love her for the sex.

Any combination of these can work too, questions/concerns/details, let me know!

Feedback is optional, but appreciated!