What the fuck is wrong with me?

>>17688376
continued

I didn't get it at first. I thought they meant "I don't want to be held responsible if you're upset", then that evening when we spoke again I realized it was more like "I don't want to have any responsibility to console you or be there for you if you're upset."

Then my SO told me that I was lucky to have them, and I asked if they were lucky, and

>"I thought I was at first, but things aren't the way I thought they'd be."

That really struck me. I couldn't believe it. I felt like I didn't have value to them.

They said that we could be together if I got better, and they just can't give me that kind of attention, and I'm too destructive. How it's my fault the relationship is going sour because I make something out of nothing and start fights.

So then I realized that it was over. I can't be a monogamous FWB to my SO. I need love and support and affection, not someone who will run away because I'm at a bad point in my life right now.

I'll admit I'm depressed, but I just wanted my SO to be there for me during my time of need and give me that support I craved so badly. Not run away and not want me when I'm depressed, then ask for me when I'm happy. I think I deserve better than that. I said this, said goodbye, deleted every trace.
So here's where /adv/ comes in.

Really, am I in the wrong? All day I've been thinking about this. I can't help but wonder if the relationship failed because of my insecurities and how I just couldn't make due.

Is this for the best? Am I better off finding someone who can be there emotionally for me?

I just want my SO back who treated me good when I was happy. It's like a constant war in my head of "It's your fault, it's not your fault."

I know it'll get better in time, but I just want to go running back and apologize and beg for forgiveness. Please tell me what you guys think of this. What should I do?

Sounds like you and your SO aren't right for each other. It isn't inherently wrong for someone to not want to handle what they consider an emotional burden, but neither is it wrong for someone to seek support from the person they're with..

It just sounds like you got frustrated. Apologising immensely wasn't really necessary as far as I'm seeing.

It looks like you have a few options:

- Break up with SO and find someone that suits you better
- Try to learn not to need to vent and speak emotionally (would not reccomend for you, it's difficult and could make you apathetic to people who are like you)
- Find a friend you can talk to in this way

Convincing your SO to meet you halfway clearly isn't working.

>>17688392
>>17688398

You added more. My advice now is to break up.

From what you've said, it's not your fault. You need something and your SO isn't going to provide it and has no interest in providing it. It's not even personal at that point. Clearly your needs are clashing with each other.

>>17688376
>three months
sounds like you just wanted someone to dump on and latch on too and I don't blame someone this early in to be your crutch. If I were them this is a big red flag and indicative of what the future holds

>>17688401
We already broke up last night. Sorry if I didn't state it explicitly enough.

Thank you. That makes me feel a little better.

>>17688404
Dump on? No no no. It just so happened we were in a relationship and aspects of my life started getting bad. Like friends and family. I didn't seek out the relationship for someone to dump onto. I just needed support because I'm going through a rough patch.

But we have been monogamous for 3 months, speak daily, and of course I'll latch on when I am going through a hard time. I need that right now.

>>17688376

Clearly you just don't match that well, it's no one's fault. You need emotional support and your so isn't ready to provide that. What you ask for isn't unreasonable, and that he prefers everyone in the relationship to handle their own emotions isn't wrong either. You just need to accept that and find someone who better fits the needs you have.

>>17688407
look it this was a 3 year relationship you would have a point but you guys are barely in this. Just because you have been only fucking each other for 3 months doesn't make it a relationship, nor does it mean either of you have to give a shit yet.

>>17688415
We haven't had sex. I mean it was a serious and romantic and monogamous relationship that was blossoming.
I get where you're coming from, and that might be how they see it, which is what makes me want to go running back.
I understand my SO probably feels it's too much responsibility too soon, and thinking about that makes me feel like shit and want to apologize and beg to be taken back.

>>17688423

>>17688401
Am this person ^

Wouldn't recommend that. Apparently you got into a shitty situation and wanted support. Not your fault that it happened when you were in a blossoming relationship.

Maybe the SO isn't overly inclined to show a grand display of love and affection, but general, friendly concern and support is around what I'd expect if "too soon" was the biggest issue. It genuinely does no look like this person is built to be a nurturer. Doesn't they're wrong/bad/a sociopath, it's just how it is.

If you went back, got together again, and went in for a long haul of... say, two years, I sincerely do not think you should expect much to change about the emotional support they offer. It'd be a mistake, and people go through tragedy all the time. It's life. If you experienced a tragedy while with this person after the hypothetical two years and didn't get the support you felt you needed, you'd feel alone. You'd also feel foolish because you knew this about them already.

>>17688423
>I understand my SO probably feels it's too much responsibility too soon
well that's it then but no amount of begging changes anything really. You want or need more than they are willing to give at this point.

>>17688436
>>17688439
Thanks guys. SO says they didn't want me out of their life though. What should I do about this? My first impression was no, I can't handle that, but I do miss them. It's hard to go from talking literally every day to nothing.

>>17688459
Oh to elaborate, I mean they want to stay in touch and remain friends.