How the fuck do you flirt without being creepy?

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I second this post

>>17680646

>be young
>be attractive

>>17680658
I am both of these and it isn't working

What's up with the word 'creepy' being used so frequently these days? I remember when being creepy meant rapists and the like.

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How the fuck do you flirt in general?

How the fuck do you know if you're being flirted with?

>>17680685
Nervousness and awkwardness seem to get categorized as creepy these days, which is pretty screwed up.

>>17680685
I noticed that a girl was wearing contacts and remarked that it was nice to see her pretty eyes and got called creepy.

I think its because I am not 18-24 and a manlet lol.

Its just another way women have found to shoot us down and throw up walls I guess.

I honestly don't even know if flirting is viable in 2016-2017. Mostly the PUA guys are saying rather then doing that you just think of the weirdest fact you can find that isn't what anyone else is saying like "did you know occasionally a centipede is born with 101 legs?" Then you go on from there.

I have no idea when you simply COULD NOT EVER compliment a girl's appearance but it seemed to be about 2006.

>>17680668
Then you're not young, and you're not attractive.

I find that complimenting girls on their physical attractiveness can make you seem "creepy". I always stick to stuff like saying they're smart or funny is easier, but then again you can say the same shit to guys/your friends so I don't know if it counts as flirting.

>>17680807
Shit's screwed up yo. I think I've only complimented 3 or 4 girls in my entire life, including the two girlfriends I've had. The others were attempts to flirt where I promptly fell on my face.

>>17680646
Be attractive.

>>17680685

Social manipulation and abuse. Some male anon makes a nice comment about someone else's feature facial features, or something not related to ass or boobs, "FREAK, CREEP, REEEEE".

Then they talk about so and so's hot man ass or hair or eyes and it's all good or imagine their dick size related to their foot size.

Double standards and shit.

>>17680807
You're right. Jumping straight to physical compliments is way too forward if you don't already know them, it's like a big "I am only interested in fucking you" sign, which is legitimately creepy.

I'm male, and not particularly good looking, but I've had women complimenting me on things like my hair or eyes in different situations, and if it's at a party or something, it's a bit uncomfortable for me, but if it's in class, or at a gym or somewhere that's not generally considered an acceptable place to hook up, it is creepy. It's just way too forward, and it's inappropriate.


If you want to flirt outside like a bar or a party or something, strike up a conversation about something they're doing, be interested (don't just pretend to be, it's almost always obvious) and compliment them on their ability for whatever it is. If they say they did something, compliment on how it's impressive, or whatever the fuck.

That's how you show you're interested in a person, you start a conversation and if it works, then you ask if they want to get coffee sometime.

If it's a party, I have no fucking idea, just get drunk and do dumb shit until someone reciprocates I guess, that's how it seems to work.

>>17681454
Once at a friends place, when we were playing halo or something, a beutiful blonde diva way above my level complimented me saying i had a "nice laugh" which made her feel happy.

I think it was a really good compliment actual, not really creepy in any way.

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>>17681454
>Jumping straight to physical compliments
I have hands to grab her tits. I have a cock to fuck her pussy. I want it. She wants it. BUT I am NOT ALLOWED to walk up to her and say I LIKE YOUR TITS. This fucking society I swear to god.

>>17681467
Everybody likes her tits, she already knows.
But the fact that you're saying "i like your tits", means that you can't hold all these feels and that probably makes her uncomfortable.

Girls aren't really into desperate men, and you kinda come of as desperate by being to direct.

You need to go around it.

This shit is common in asian countries, we just suck at it here in the west.

>>17681467
And you still wonder why you are a kissless virgin?

>>17681478
I wonder why kissless virgins do not simply go to hookers. It's the easiest thing in the world.

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>>17681471
>You need to go around it.
>You need to go around it.
>You need to go around it.
Save me anon. I admit I am desperate. And is that mean women with big tits are more difficult to send compliment?

>>17681478
I just don't understand. I really don't. see >>17681467. It is suppose to be a very simple thing between men and women.


>>17681480
Because I have NOT GIVEN UP YET.

>>17681480
Because they are entitled to their 10/10 loving virgin waifu who will magically appear in the basement.

>>17681480

Because it doesn't help shit. It's more expensive better masturbation.

You don't get better with women by fucking hookers. You don't learn to flirt, you don't learn to approach them, you don't experience how real casual or relationship sex feels like and is achieved.

It only helps you relieve your momentary lust. Nothing more nothing less.

>>17681482
>Because I have NOT GIVEN UP YET.

How is paying for a date giving up? I do not really understand.

I bought a hooker when i was in Japan.

We got into a hotel, had a shower, had some fun, i came on her face. Then we had some beers and watched tv. We gave each other massages and then she gave me sumata and then she was like "oh, oh.." and put it in herself.
Selling intercourse is illegal in japan, but this girl aparently wanted to try my D.

Anyways, it was mostly like a date.

The only thing im worried about is if i got aids or not, but im going to check myself in a few days.

>>17681490
> you don't experience how real casual or relationship sex feels like and is achieved.

It feels pretty much the same. The difference is that hookers are more beutiful.

Also, when you don't get into the love bullshit you avoid having heart aches when the girl leaves. Real realtionships are often a very painful experience when they end.

>>17681490
Yes, you do get better with women and sex when you practice with hookers.

>>17681467
Saying that isn't sexy. Why the fuck should she care you like them?
>She wants it.
If the best line you can come up with is "I like your tits and I have complimentary anatomy to yours". No, no she doesn't. Flirting is about MAKING sexual attraction. Flirt, tease. Playfully deny your motives all while making them obvious. Allude to a closer relationship in terms of intimacy (sexual, romantic, or both depending on your goals) than you and her have, but don't let on that either of you know you're doing it. And indicate through body language that you want her. THAT is how you make her want it. This is skipping the very first level of foreplay, something that comes before the clothes ever come off or you make it to her bedroom. You've heard, countless times, I'm sure that foreplay is important, so don't skimp on it.

>>17681462
Yep, and that's what you want to go for. Try to make a genuine compliment that's just intended to make them feel good, not just something that you think will make them fuck you.

Because for anyone, someone just going what's essentially "I want to have sex with you", is really inappropriate, and is creepy.

>>17681467
>She wants it

If she did, there would be no reason that you complimenting her tits would be wrong.

But you have no idea that she does, and she probably doesn't.

>>17681490
Sex surrogacy is a thing, if you legitimately wanted help with this, you'd have looked into it already.

>>17681493
One day around christmas time, my ears were bombarded by christmas carols at a shop I work for because CUSTOMER SERVICE. Listening to the carols made me feel desperate and I asked a girl with flat chest to spend my christmas with. We eventually got in to a fake relationship that we both don't like, but we persist to keep it because neither of us want to be lonely again. Without going into the details both of us starts to do crazy stuff. And then we broke up. I tell myself never give up, ever again.

About paying for a date, I fear that I will get emotionally attracted to the hooker and that would be troublesome.

>>17680696
Comment on something she worked on, not what she was born with. Women are stupid and require feels coins.

She feels good when she is complimented on something she "Worked" on.

She feels reminded when she is complimented on something she was born with.

>>17681512
>About paying for a date, I fear that I will get emotionally attracted to the hooker and that would be troublesome.

Im glad my japanese was so bad that i couldn't really express all my insecurities and concerns for her.

I really would have liked to ask her about her past and why she was doing this and stuff like that, but it was too much of a hassle using google translate.

Also, her fake complimens were obvious at times, like how she keept saying "wow" and how she said it was the first time someone had cummmed on her face.

I don't really belive that.

Anyways, any clingy feelings that i had for her went away after a day or so.

Before this i have ONLY dated fat chicks, and even though some of them have been pretty cool (been into kinks, deepthroating etc) i think it was really worth it to me to get with a normalsized beutfiful girl once just so i can stop thinking about that when im dating girls on my level.

I've imagined having sex with a beutiful girl to be different, and in a way it was, because i didn't have a problem getting a boner with this chick. However, now that i have tried, i know that it isn't all that different, and maybe i could be happpy and contempt with the next girl i meet, even if she's fat.

>>17681517
That's the case for anyone, not just women. I'm >>17681454 and I can confirm that someone saying I have nice eyes is just a nothing compliment, no matter how extravagantly they say it. I've had people say I have the most beautiful eyes they've seen, and it's nice, sure, but it's not actually much of anything, I just think "Gee, I'm glad you like my genetics".

People love being complimented on something they did, no something they are.

I'm not meaning any of this as a brag, either, if it comes across that way. I'm not at all an attractive person.

>>17681523
>contempt
I obviosly meant content not contempt.

>>17680646
"I noticed you're quite beautiful and it would be a waste to not have a chat with you. Care to share a coffee?"

>>17681480

Hookers cost money.

>inb4 hookers are cheaper than a gf
Then why don't you use hookers?

>>17681535
Please no-one do this.

It's condescending, boring, and won't get you anything but a no.

It's extremely hard to just approach people without a topic. At the very least, ask for directions to something, then try to start a conversation about that thing.

If they aren't interested, move on, it doesn't matter, and it's not a comment on you, there could be any number of reasons why they say no.

>>17681539
It's a one time paymet to loser your virginity and anxiety. It's not really a big deal. You guys can afford gaming computers, but you can't afford girls which are a lot cheeper, really... it's just about priorities.

>>17681559

Oh, if we're talking about a one-off thing then yes.

>>17681563
Yes. Imao, it's better to have a one-off thing than sit around being misserable and virgin until you're like 30.

And then, even if you start going once a year, it's not really a lot of money.

>>17681566

You don't need to tell me, that's what I've been doing.

Not that it solves anything, contrary to the naivete of gfanons. "Why don't you fuck hookers? It's better than nothing." Not really.

If you were a miserable virgin, or one of the people who does what you advise, like me, you'd understand.

>>17681542

This. When you approach a complete strange you never want it to come across like something you have done to the last 30 girls you saw before her. Something spontaneous is your best bet, ask for directions, ask what they're drinking, get the ball rolling somehow.

>>17681535

A lot of people don't handle compliments well, especially from complete strangers, even if they're flattered it's an uncomfortable feeling and makes them question your motives. Unless the girl is leagues below you or specifically there to hook up then you will likely get rejected flat out with that approach.

>>17681581
Not only this, but "it would be a waste to not have a chat with you" is like "I've decided you may be worth my time, but now need to judge if it's so".

It's really condescending and stilted.

>>17681580
Yep, chemistry is important, and chemistry doesn't come from repetition.

>>17681573
I lost my virginity to a 200 lbs black girl when i was 26 and i've had 2 dates since then and one hooker. Im 28 today.

That's all my sexual experience. Why wouldn't i understand?

>>17681607
People who make their virginity out to be their defining characteristic tend to only have "You just don't understand!" as a defence when people point out it's not really a huge deal, and is entirely in their head, no-one else cares.

It's part of playing the special snowflake victim.

>>17681609
It really feels like shit being an outsider though. And you think sex is such a big deal just because you haven't had it, and you start to think about what is wrong with you, if you are unlovable, if you will die alone, never have children, how it will be like when you're older and all your friends are married and have families except you, when your parents are dead.

It sucks, but the more control you have over your own sex life, the less of a victim you will feel. It's the fact that your're helpless and can't really (or think you can't, or don't know how) do anything about it which makes it so troublesome.

>>17680646
Be confident
Act friendly
Be entertaining and funny with whatever you're talking about
Don't act desperate for the poontang
Be assertive "how about you give me your phone number and we can continue this convo later" not "can you give me your number"

If your ugly though, you're fucked.

>>17681616
Yeah, you're right it would suck to feel that way, but in that case I think if anything it's more that they don't understand that sex isn't that big of a deal.

Plus, a lot of people like that are like 18 at most, at which age it's just literally nothing, not at all uncommon. Just under a half are still virgins at 18.

>>17681607

So you honestly feel better off then? I sure don't. Virginity was never the underlying crisis for me.

>>17681609

You misunderstand. Or simply can't read. I'm making the fact that I'm a socially inept loser my defining characteristic. Or rather, set of characteristics, because that's a whole bunch of personal failings wrapped up together.

For what it's worth, I'll give you the benefit of the doubt that being an arrogant asshole is not your defining characteristic.

>>17681624
I felt like shit at 18, though all girls where whores because they slept around with everyone except me.. over the years i kind of calmed down though and eventually i had sex even though it wasn't very glorious and i suffered from erectile dysfunction because i was nervous and so on...

But i would really have liked to have had sex in my teens. I was so horny all the time and had no way of dealing with it other than fapping and watching porn while everyone else was getting girlfriends.

I was imature, and really depressed for many years, but somehow i've put it behind me now.

I still regret i didn't go to a hooker already then, on my 18'th birthday and got it all out of my system.

>>17681626
>I'm making the fact that I'm a socially inept loser my defining characteristic.

Same shit, don't play pedantics.

And if virginity isn't your issue, what the fuck are you talking about? Make your own thread if you want help, this isn't a blog.

>>17681629
Yeah, at 18 I think it feels like a bigger deal than it is.

Plenty of people don't have sex in their teens, and if they do, it's almost always with one partner (CDC did a study on this). It's only an issue because you obsess on it.

>>17681636

>Same shit, don't play pedantics.
You wouldn't know pedantry if it dry-humped you in broad daylight on the sidewalk.

>And if virginity isn't your issue, what the fuck are you talking about? Make your own thread if you want help, this isn't a blog.
Do you see the word 'virginity' mentioned anywhere in the OP, you hapless simpleton? OP's question clearly had broader implications, and I this chain started with me replying to an anon who was erroneously reducing OP's question to a matter of virginity.

You know, for somebody who wants to make a point that virginity isn't a big deal, you sure are bringing it up a lot.

>>17681644
>You wouldn't know pedantry if it dry-humped you in broad daylight on the sidewalk.

Wow what a great comeback, you sure showed me wrong!

>Do you see the word 'virginity' mentioned anywhere in the OP, you hapless simpleton?

We're not discussing the OP, are we? You said yourself, that anon was talking about virginity.

If you have more issues than just your virginity and not knowing how to talk to be sexual, go sort them out, don't whine about not getting laid.

>You know, for somebody who wants to make a point that virginity isn't a big deal, you sure are bringing it up a lot.

Wow yet another great point from the brilliant mind of "Unnecessarily upset autist #17681644"

I bring it up because it's something you cunts gravitate around, despite it not mattering that much to anyone else.

Is complimenting a girl's clothes fine? Like, if I see someone and she's wearing a cute dress, it it okay to tell her so, or will she think it's creepy? If it's creepy to compliment a stranger's clothes, how well do I have to know her before it becomes acceptable?

>>17681675
If it's just a passing thing, then yeah, it's fine. Just going "Your dress looks great" as a passing compliment before you leave or something makes someones day and isn't creepy. If you go "That dress looks great on you" and then hang around and try to escalate with a stranger, it could be creepy.

Basically, with someone you've not had any real contact with, you want to keep it as casual as you can, don't try to escalate past maybe asking her out for coffee or something if it went well.

It's too pushy and forward otherwise, would be for anyone, of any gender.

>>17681664

>Wow what a great comeback, you sure showed me wrong!
Let me clarify: If you think "socially inept loser" is the same as "virginity", you're the one who's gravitating around virginity.

>We're not discussing the OP, are we? You said yourself, that anon was talking about virginity.
And apparently you didn't read the rest of my paragraph.

>If you have more issues than just your virginity and not knowing how to talk to be sexual, go sort them out, don't whine about not getting laid.
...He said, without any hint of irony, on the Advice board.

And I wasn't whining about not getting laid, I was making a broader point about things that matter more than getting laid (i.e. the fulfillment of a romantic relationship.

>Wow yet another great point from the brilliant mind of "Unnecessarily upset autist #17681644"
>I bring it up because it's something you cunts gravitate around, despite it not mattering that much to anyone else.
See, this is what you've been reduced to. Denying your own obsession with virginity by pedantically stepping around it.

I'm done. Good day.

>>17681675

Complimenting clothes, eyes, hair, anything really, is creepy when it comes from an stranger.

>>17681690

Why would Anon do that? Compliment and leave?

His goal is to pick a girl up.

>>17681601
I don't thing it's condescending, unless the girl is very insecure. It meant the girl is too good-looking to ignore, nothing else.

>>17681581
I agree more here, but there is no pick-up line that can work 100%. The best is to do that while sitting yourself at a bar or something so the girl doesn't feel threatened. She can just walk away.

And of course, it depends on the situation. If you're at a bus stop. Just be confident and tell them the bus trip would be finally worth it if you could enjoy the company.

Confidence is the key. But 100% success will never happen, unless you're white, young and decent-looking in a Africa, SEA or Latin country

>>17681690
>>17681694
What about an acquaintance I'd like to get a date with? Is it okay to compliment her, and then ask her out? I do have her number already, if that makes a difference.

>>17681701
>I do have her number already, if that makes a difference

Don't ask her out. If the best thing you have to say is "I have her number", then she is not into you in the least.

>>17681698
>If you're at a bus stop.

You talk about not expecting a 100% success rate. At a bus stop, expect a 5% success rate.

How about trying a dating site or bars to pick up girls? Do you really need to approach them on the street, while they go about their own lives?

>>17681691
>Let me clarify: If you think "socially inept loser" is the same as "virginity", you're the one who's gravitating around virginity.

>still missing the point this bad

>And apparently you didn't read the rest of my paragraph.

OPs problem was directly related to flirting. The chain you're talking about came from some autist sperging out about how he wants to be able to fuck everyone he wants, and someone asking why kissless virgins don't just see hookers.

>...He said, without any hint of irony, on the Advice board.

Yes, the advice board. Which explicitly has a rule against just bitching about shit. Do you want advice on something? Make a thread.

>(i.e. the fulfillment of a romantic relationship.

And as I said, if your issues are wider than simply virginity and not understanding or being comfortable with sex, go fix them. Having sex is a valid way to get past the obstacle of simply not knowing how it works though, and hookers let you do that.

>See, this is what you've been reduced to. Denying your own obsession with virginity by pedantically stepping around it.

Are you pretending to be retarded? I'm not even a virgin, why would I be obsessed with it?

>I'm done. Good day.

Good, fuck off.


>>17681696
Because assuming it's not just a complete stranger you'll never see again, it leaves a good impression for next time you see them,

I simply added that saying it before you leave isn't at all a bad thing, it's just nice, and makes someones day.

You're almost never going to pick up a complete stranger unless there's incredible chemistry between the two of you talking about other stuff. You can't just compliment people into wanting you.

>>17681698
>I don't thing it's condescending, unless the girl is very insecure. It meant the girl is too good-looking to ignore, nothing else.

That's not how it comes across. It comes across as "You might be worth my time because you're attractive and I want to fuck you". It gives a very "I'm better than you" vibe.

>>17681708
>You can't just compliment people into wanting you.

That's the thing. People here want to do just that.

And it won't work as you say.

>>17681701
I wouldn't do that, as I said, it's not like you insert a certain amount of nice coins and then they'll like you. It helps if there's already that connection, and is an important thing, but if there's not, there's not much point if you're only saying it to get her to want you.

Only make compliments if you absolutely feel they're true, and feel like it's important to say. They come across as kind of insincere and like you're expecting something from it otherwise, which can be annoying or if it's inappropriate, creepy.

>>17681705
>At a bus stop, expect a 5% success rate.

I'd say a 0.1% success rate if you're lucky. People are fucking busy at a bus stop, they're going somewhere, let alone whatever stuff in their own lives.

I agree with the rest of what you're saying though. If you're looking to pick up chicks, go to places known for that, or meet them through friends or work or something, what's with the obsession with picking up strangers while they live their lives?

>>17681713
Yeah, I think it's important that they get that won't work. Compliments are nice to let someone know you value them, and it makes them feel nice if it's heartfelt about something they've done (don't compliment their body or looks, it's inappropriate and dull), but if they aren't into you, that won't change anything.

Work on ways to keep a conversation going, and to strike one up before you work on turning that into something else.

>>17681705
Just advising on the most difficult situations because it can only get simpler from here.
After that, it's just a matter of imagination.

>>17681708
I guess that's a matter of semantics. If anything, the principle stays the same: "Value the girl without devaluing yourself > offer to chat".

>>17681721

Yes, after re-reading my post, I should have chosen a smaller number. 5 is too big.

And the part about being sincere is very important, too. You are right Anon.

>>17681725
>Just advising on the most difficult situations because it can only get simpler from here.

Why even try the most difficult? Why make people uncomfortable with unwanted advances?

>>17681725
>I guess that's a matter of semantics. If anything, the principle stays the same: "Value the girl without devaluing yourself > offer to chat".

You're overthinking this way too much. It doesn't come across that way at all.

It comes across stilted, and like you've scanned the room for the best looking person that you want to fuck, but aren't really that interested in her, only her looks. Those are the sorts of lines that people say are creepy, and there's nowhere to go with it.

>>17681736
This. Don't even bother, just go about your business, make small talk if it's appropriate, but don't try to make anything more of it than that, because as you said, it's unwanted, and people just end up uncomfortable. There's plenty of better ways to meet people than making your move at a bus stop.

>>17680687
Oh, it's just Tyler...

>>17680646

By being comfortable.

>How do you get comfortable while flirting? Flirting is scary.

Yes it is. You get comfortable by 1) just getting older. 2) doing things that scare you (including flirting, but not limited to flirting) until they stop being scary.

I stood in front of a class full of rebellious kids as their teacher with no experience being a teacher. Everybody has a first day. I went from that quality (awful) to a great teacher (imo) over the course of six years. After three years of it, flirting was no big deal. Nothing scared me socially anymore.

So keep doing it even though it makes you uncomfortable, which sometimes "reads" as creepy. You're not actually creepy, you're just uncomfortable, and that'll pass.

>>17680646
>How the fuck do you flirt without being creepy?
1) Never do it by surprise. Flirt with people in purely social situations, where they expect people to flirt with them, and when they don't expect you in particular to NOT flirt with them. Some exceptionally attractive people can get away with breaking this rule, to a limited degree, but there are limits, and they hit hard and fast. Best not to test them even if you MIGHT get away with it.

2) Never flirt with someone who has ever turned you down. There is technically one exception to this rule: if, AFTER turning you down, they have since begun to flirt with YOU, then it is okay. But this basically never happens: most people go their whole lives without ever experiencing it. Do not hold out hope.

>>17681816
>Some exceptionally attractive people can get away with breaking this rule, to a limited degree, but there are limits, and they hit hard and fast. Best not to test them even if you MIGHT get away with it.

Even for exceptionally attractive people, unless you're Adonis tier good looking and incredibly charming, you're not going to. It can be even more uncomfortable if someone really good looking starts hitting on your out of the blue, because not only do you then have the random out of place situation forced on you, but if they're super good looking, you'd assume there's some reason why apart from them just liking the looks of you.

Those two rules are really good ones though, I agree entirely.

>>17680646
Learn to read body language

>>17681721
I just want some way to start showing interest in her before asking her out, rather than going from 0 to 100 instantly

>>17681857

Interest in whom? Who are you trying to ask out?

>>17681573
Losing your virginty in and of itself solves jack shit. Just look at the massive amount of non-virgins being anything but happy. .
Fix aourself, improve your life and see your anxiety be replaced with confidence. Get Social Gains, get Gym Gains, live it up, do dumb shit and try out new things.
Now I started to actively try it with girls in the last week, and I'm already meeting up with 2 qts next week.
I just entirely stopped giving a fuck about whether I ever get laid or not, because my life is good - and that shows. I barely feel any anxiety around attractive girls anymore, and can chat them up easily in social settings like Uni,Bar,Club etc.
Now I just have my fun with with hitting on girls, and don't care.

t. 25 year old Virgin

>>17680646
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q-Sehh-yD-c