GET THAT

I want to find a qt girl who was abused like I was to commit mass murder with

I've watched NBK too many times

When I got to school today I saw a sign at the entrance that said "PLAY FOR A CURE" (referring to cancer) and it really pissed me off because sports have nothing to do with cancer and I want to go write "fuck you" on the sign.

Today is likelly the day.
For the past 5-8 years I've sort of unconciously lowered myself into a worse adn worse situation.
In the thought that maby if it gets bad enough I'm finally gonna do something about it. For (hopefully) better or worse.

Specifically, Im talking about being depressed.
I've told no-one and I'm not sure how many thinks of me that way.
But in the light of todays events(of which detail I won't get into here) I feel somewhat ready to come clean about it.

Any advice on how to open up about it?
Presumably to parents first. Even about that, I don't know if I'm able when I get home and have to look in their eyes before doing it.

Halp?

>>17679004
Also, I'd be happy if I got some input on this before the next 20 min. Borrowing net in the library which is soon closing.

>>17678708
Im so fucking nervous today cant think straight i need someone too talk me down if i had someone that is

Fucking white people use the racial slur: flip, which is a racial slur for filipinos. Hell, some of those crackers are making money off of that racial slur: https://app.flipp.com/ I'm a 29 year old filipino, and these fuckers continue to call me a flip, it's an inside joke. Not only that, but they can use the word flip as a verb or adjective, not just as a noun. Fuck these people, fuck these haoles. Fuck you, people. I also missed this one: http://www.demetscandy.com/flipz/flipz-chocolate-covered-pretzels-teams-with-x-men-superheroes/ Fuck the X-Men, and fuck you Wolverine, you fucking haole. At least you had fun fucking that Japanese woman in your second solo movie.

I feel as if I am truly alone in the world. Nobody in my family does more than tolerate me at this point. I can't push through and finish school, and my friends don't hang out with me anymore. Got no money, no qualifications besides a high school degree, and no experience. My parents are kicking me out of their house in a few months. I'm looking to get my old backbreaking job back at a restaurant, but there's no way I'll be able to get enough money to support myself that way.

Thanks to whoever read this. I guess it's sorta nice to get this shit out there, even though I don't really feel much different.

I'm about to text this girl that I have a crush on but that she probably can't stand me. I get nervous as fuck when texting so I leave 4chan open to pretend there's other people around me. I know this is pathetic, I'm different in person but I'm awkward as absolute fuck with technology.

The woman I've loved the past 3 years of my life, been through hell and back with, done so much for her, she means fucking everything to me... we broke up at the beginning of the month, her choice, she wasn't happy, didn't see a future with me, when it's literally the opposite for me and I never saw it like that so it doesn't add up in my mind. To make shit storm burn brighter, there's another guy she thinks she wants to date, and thinks she needs to completely expel me from her life and get with him. A couple days ago she tried to kill herself by overdose, took her to the hospital, me and the other guy and her mom, and she's been there under a baker act. Her mom told us both she knows what's going on and one person needs to leave her alone and one person needs to stay, visitation was yesterday and while I was at work mom and the other guy visited her and told her that and now she seems to think that it's me that needs to go and other guy stay.
TLDR: person I love with all my heart is acting like we meant nothing and other guy is her future and I'm anxious and I want to die, I want him to die, and I hate everything

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I really wanna talk to you agian. I dont like that we just make awkward eye contact in the halls. I miss listening to you talk. Its a shame that i know i wont man up and say something. Theres this voice inside my head always telling me im not good enough. Im starting to think its right.

I dont know what to do.

Im so fucking sad and stressed I can't stand it no more
I'm tired of everything
Tired of falling in love for nothing
Tired of partying and bullshit
Fuck my friends I don't like them theyre some rats
I only got some true mad love for 4 friends
Im a sucker at school today
I dont know if the Lord is really trying to help me
Feelin like im gonna blow up

I have some dreams but I know there's no hope

I have been struggling with depression for 7 years, im not sure what i want from life

Im not sure if i want to feel different, im not sure if I can. I got my first treatment a week ago, my parents guilt tripped me from taking a second perscription of welbutrin, they were working though. My proffessors have been understanding of my situation and are giving me a break to catch up with some stuff that accumulated while i was in the pits. I appreciate it all that everyones done for me, im trying to get better with exercise, drawing, writing and skating just trying to pick up all the hobbies i dropped

My friends are never there, they are like dogs with me if i call them they might come, might not. All we ever do is smoke weed anyway they dont invite me to go out, or talk to me if i dont start the conversation(this bothers me the most)

I used to smoke a little weed most mornings alone since I always wake up early and have atleast until 1pm before a class. It used to help me a lot i think, i wasnt "addicted" or anything it just helped me start my day well and I felt happier and more productive after doing a hit or two from a pipe. Then my mom sniffed out my backpack and made me feel like a junkie for having a lighter a pipe and some raws on me. Its been4 months since I have smoked outside of hanging out with a friend, and thats not often either maybe once a month or so.

Im also forced to break my back working for my dad hauling wood and just moving heavy shit since he doesnt let me do any handiwork, nor am I interested in it. He just imposes that I have to go from one day to another, this has lead to me ditching plans and study groups and becoming more antisocial. I fuvking hate that guy too, he probably going to pay me less cause I dont have a cheery attitude for being pulled away from things.

Im 18, i can go on but this is enough for now. Thanks for reading desu, i usually just have one friend who I vent with but she got her life together and doesnt text me ;(

Starting to have second thoughts about the university I'm meant to be attending next summer and I don't know what to do or how to go about it.

I wasted my software degree because I no longer have any desire or potential to do any programming or development anymore. Thus, I'm in an immense amount of debt not knowing what I want to do in life.

I just wanna fucking drop out of school.

I know my Dad will stop supporting me so I'm considering finding the shittiest apartment I can find, a terrible job, and just cutting ties with everyone I know.

I just want to hold her until all of the world's problems go away, and I'm lucky to get that chance.

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>>17678708
use the original image

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I want to get to know you. I want to be your friend, if not more. You seem adorable and your smile is cute. You're shy, and I'm ok with that. You normally sit like two seats away from me, but I feel like it's too far to try to talk to you. Thursday, when I had to sit next to you, I was really happy that even though it was small talk, we talked a lot in small bursts that class. I wish I knew if you felt the same. I thought you were giving "crush" eyes to another girl and it made me sad. Please keep looking at me, and please initiate the conversation once, then I'll know you're interested. You're a cute guy, and I wish I could tell you that.

>>17679849
>Thursday, when I had to sit next to you, I was really happy that even though it was small talk, we talked a lot in small bursts that class

Fuck I had my hopes up for a moment

>>17679969
What was different for you?

>>17679974
I didn't talk to anyone last thursday...
...and that no girl would want to be with me.

>>17679982
You never know what girl could be thinking of being with you, don't lose hope Anon

>>17679985
I wish I could know

>>17679997
Same here, especially when it comes to my crush. I'm sure in time we'll find out

Mom and Dad are separated for more than 20 years and married other people. Both are now divorced and my dad is using me (doing me favors, buying me shit) to the sple purpose of getting in touch with my mother, to the point of cutting contact with me altogether when my mom refused to get back wih him.

I don't even feel particular mad or anything, I'm used to being used as a means to and end to other people, but still

>>17680006
Who is crush's initials?

>>17680024
N.B

>>17680031
I hope that dude talks to you

>>17680065
Thanks, hope your crush talks to you too familia

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>>17678708
I got my frist fcuk buddy finally and she's cumming over in two days and I don't know how I'm gonna feel about it then, and I don't know how I feel about it now..
I gues I'll fucking like it tho.
atleast
I hope so.
it's sex right?

>>17680068
Thank you

>>17678771

Fuck. I thought I was the only one.

I don't feel that bad. I am still lonely, overweight, and ugly. But I'm not sad anymore. Running everyday plus on diet. I learned guitar and play at least 2 hours everyday. I feel alright. The only problem is that one person. I ghosted tf out of her since I realized I had feelings for her and she had a bf (lost those feelings now). Even though we were best friends and saved each other from feeling bad. Fuck, it makes me feel like shit. I wish I could text her or call her and apologize. At least say hi. She would be the only one to talk to me sometimes, and I just ignored her. Should I give it a try?

>>17679194
>believes in lord
>life's shitty
then leave god anon. it's not doing anything for you.
and if you go away, it will leave so much room for your free thoughts, you can go wild and do stuff you never wanted to do bc of your religion.
but yeah well hey what did you expect 4chan was gonna say?

I hate one of my close friends and want his girlfriend. I would feel bad, but I don't really care about my life anymore, and doing things for others instead of myself has just made me more unhappy

>>17680092
Yes.

For the first time in my life I realized that I really could not care less if I'm friendless.

I've burned so many bridges now that I've become completely uninterested in making an effort in relationships.

A part of me still want to go down to pubs and drink and fuck just to see what it's like, but really I don't think I care.

>>17678708
Want my "close" friend to stop talking with my crush

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Im in love with her. Shes far from perfect but i love everything about her but I dont think she want me as much as I want her, hell I dont even know if she wants me or not.

Im planning on telling her that I love her soon since im going far away. The worst part about this is whether she likes me back or not i still suffer but in different ways.

I've been talking to this damaged girl online and we've been getting along great. I don't know what she looks like, but we've been playing overwatch for over 2 months. I've developed a sick fantasy that we would get together, have crazy insane sex, and then I'd leave her and she would kill herself. Not proud of it, but what am I gonna do about it...just a fantasy.

>>17679033

Look on the "flip" side, your president isn't a cuck.
Taking down all those dealers and junkies rather than sitting around letting it happen.

Nothing wrong with a little racial pride mate. Don't let it get to you so easily, worse comes to worse, call them all cucks, especially the Germans and swedes.

>>17678708
I waste too much time on my petty interests

>>17680092
yes you should try

>>17678708
I'M GAY !

I fucking hate black people.

I really like this chick but I feel as though she doesn't have the same feelings. Maybe I'm just over thinking it because she doesn't text me back. But it seemed like we really hit it off on that first date/meet up and she seemed really flirty.

you're fired. you don't know it yet, and the ball is somewhat in your court but at this point, whether by choice or not you have disrespected and inconvenienced me to the point that is affecting my client's view of me and that is unacceptable. I can't fire the other guy, but I can sure as shit fire you and report you to the licensing board for incompetence.

I have been more than understanding and professional, and you shit the bed. you have until tomorrow to get your shit straight and I'll already be calling around for your replacement.

everyone tries to take advantage and doesn't realize how fucking hard I'm going to hit you when I reach my limit. it's not because I'm naive, it's because I don't want to treat other people how I've been treated and assume that you are a capable fucking person that can handle your shit.

I should not be babysitting some motherfuckers double my age who are supposed to be smarter and better at their jobs than me. fucking handle your goddamn shit, bitch. I do not care what you've got going on outside of work. if you're at work on my project, that is irrelevant.

I'm sympathetic to peoples problems only to the point that I am not going to babysit you and hold your hand and handle your shit for you. if you can't handle it, get the fuck out of the way.

damn I'm pissed right now.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=04F4xlWSFh0

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>>17679540
pt 2 wew

got scouted for modeling at the mall, and i have noticed I have a lot less self hate in me. i can vent through just lifting, theres also a lot of hate directed to my father. More than before, honestly pity him but his way of being just fucks me up so much, i tired of his constant passive aggressive shit and having to constantly bend my knee for him. I find myself fantasizing of fighting him a lot, more than before. Im just waiting to a reason, he might give one tomorrow when I have to work 10+ hours and I don't have the best attitude of having to change when I took a test I have been studying the past week for and a psychiatrists appointment ive been looking forward to since my treatment finished.

Im thinking of investing in a decent DSLR camera and applying for a modeling company, since I didnt really fill anything out when i got scouted at the mall, just "nothanks" since I was in a rush for nothing really, just anxiety to get to offices at college in time to change the appointments.

im hoping to work on my confidence and bulk up 15 or so pounds(6'1, 145lbs), need to just man up and talk to people like an autist. I dont have anything to lose and experience in that seems handy, I just want to talk to qts at college and get back in the game. Its been 10 months since anything, and before that it was just 3 girls and i didnt even get my dick wet cause i dislike taking the lead constantly but i think im ready to do so now.

Its been nice typing out my thoughts, its nice to just get through them instead of getting stuck on the same shit trip without moving forward. My spanish lit teacher really inspired me today, I was anxious af cause I owed her work but she just calmly let me know the most important thing was that I find my happiness and that really got me. I used to feel really null and devoid of emotion these past 7 years, but im waking up.

the sun is rising after so long, i feel hope

anons, i wish you luck with your struggles

>>17680476
OH, and lying to me? surest way to piss me off and get me in a bridge burning mood. I have zero time for your bullshit. I've got shit to do and goals to achieve.

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ok so what can i do now?

S is probably never going to like me because she already did a bunch of things with that other guy, and i got a bit depressed but then finally after 2 years i found P again, and that got me out of my little depression super quick when she said wanted to go out with me

but today she changed her picture and it looks like she has a bf

of course i can't be angry or sad about that, i mean i haven't seen her in 2 years so of couse she got a bf

Now what? i can no longer get that happiness boost from S and while im still going out with P next sunday, she will probably bring her bf, so all the cool stuff i planned is ruined and i'll have to treat this like a normal hang out

i lost most of my optimism but not enough to get depressed, i just feel empty, of course i'll continue my studies and my diet/work out

but the beat of my heart is gone, im sure i'll look great by december, but i don't really care anymore, i just want to meet a new girl but the kind of girls i like are so rare here, it probably won't feel anything again for 2 years

>>17680489
ok its probably 6-8 hours, idek waht were doing yet

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why do females constantly hurt me (^:

>>17680512
is this the fetish kind of hurt?

cause im into that one

>>17680502
get the fuck up.

I did everything right. I spent thousands of hours doing things I hate to get through college. If I really can't get a real job i'm gonna fucking blow something up.

I'm finding my best friend's girlfriend more lovely and attractive by the day. This is so wrong. But whenever she smiles at me i forget nearly anything else happening at that moment. Don't know what i should do.

now I'm thinking about talking to you again. man i wish we still talked, regardless of whatever did or didn't happen back then. I get the feeling that despite today being a clusterfuck, it wouldn't bother me so much if we talked.

Why were you never there when I needed you? I was always there when you were dealing with your alcoholism, dead father, psychotic mother, eating disorder, pill addiction, abusive girlfriend, cornucopia of mental disorders, etc. When you couldn't keep a job, I paid for food, medication, bills, etc... Looking back it seems so clear, but when your best friend is in pain, in trouble... what the fuck was I supposed to do?

I had always suspected you were just using me. Everytime I wanted to actually hang out and you were always too busy hanging with somebody else, was sick or in pain, or just wanted to be alone. I only saw you when you needed something and it's no surprise you saw me much less after I got rid of my car. I always took your side but you never took mine, never defended me from your insecure significant others. You never once took my advice on your problems and kept making the same mistakes.

Now you exile me. You say I was manipulative and was guilt tripping you on facebook so you can get likes from your shit "friends" that don't know you like I do. I don't care anymore. I tried my best to be there for you when you were at your lowest and you used and abused me. When I call you out you make excuses and place all the blame on your health problems instead of taking responsibility and admitting you were mistreating me. Fuck you. I will never have another "close friend" again.

I hate to, but I do take comfort in the fact that your health is so bad that you will likely be dead in a year.

FUCK. YOU.

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>>17680516
im up, my intermittent fasting + morning cardio combo is working great, i also got a bunch of new clothes that look good on me, im basically wearing something brand new every day

it's just that my passion is gone im like a machine that just gets shit done,i can keep my good habits up. hell by next year i'll probably have abs

i just wish i had a special girl in my heart that could give me that extra boost that made me feel alive

you should make the call, and I want you to make the call... but it's not my call.

I don't get it. I fucked up badly with a girl, and have been really cringeworthy. She knows I'm fucked up but keeps trying to help me. I treat her like shit trying to push her away and she just says everyone has issues and shrugs it off. I feel like I've fucked it up beyond repair and yet she keeps forgiving me. I don't know why, I'm a shitty person. But I'm glad in a way that she hasn't gave up on me. I just need to get better and stop trying to push her away, she means so much to me and I feel like shit for how I've treated her.

>>17680566
yeah fuck him anon, if he cant have the least amount of gratitude for stuff like that hes not worth knowing you. dont let this begrudge you from close friendships though, just draw a line with your generosity if you dont have one just expect to be used all the time I can say that from experience. Never once did it pay off either, had to pay my sisters rent last month and shes never paying me back shes just a jobless pretentious ho. The thing is after i pay for her rent and a new phone for her she goes on to guilt trip me for using antidepressants and protein powder, trust in yourself and be clear with yourself everyone else deserves doubt and they should have to prove themselves for your trust.

>>17678708
>>17678708
No anon is an island.
>except this one
>in a very, very big ocean

>>17678708
Cartoonish characters harass me in my head
I'm like dale gribble

>>17680582
Sounds like she's in love dude. Why else would she take your shit? Get therapy, or do something that can help you treat her right. Don't be so quick to act on your feelings. My bf is like you. Not gonna lie, it's hard.

>>17680590
It was a girl. I thought of her like a sister and with all the shit gone wrong in her life I desperately wanted to help and see her get better. But thanks for the advice, anon.

>>17679033
>blaming white people for the actions of some retards
Thanks for the nutshack memes though but If it weren't for white people the Japanese would be murdering your infants

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>>17680582
God dammmit anon you don't know how much i wish i had a girl like that

i always put all my effort into being the best i can but as soon as i make one little mistake, like for example, forgetting to clean my room even my family forgets all the good stuff i've done

im starting to get tired of putting so much effort for girls that don't even care about me, i wish i could meet a girl that likes me just the way i am, no one ever wanted to help me so i had to improve myself alone, and even after that it looks like im still not good enough for anyone

You better go make that girl happy right now

>>17680625
You sound like someone I need.

>>17680220
Besides the fact duetart is a pshycoatic bastard who in his journey to quell drug use has killed countless innocent lives in the process including one time users which if you look at extreme punishment for users has done in America why do you think blacks commit the most crime hardest hit by drug trade and degenarate jail ride. Not saying Merkle inexplicably thinking multi cultural Europe is a good idea is good, but it's better than people like Duetert and putin (even if you bielieve his Christian nation bullshit he allowed an Chezchen cop of age 75 to have an arranged sharia marriage w/ a 17 year old girl, but state Russ media said it was a western lie

>>17680601

I Am starting up therapy again because I was tired of being negative all the time. Cause I don't want to keep hurting her and I know I need to get better. I just slip up sometimes.

And thinking about the possibility that someone loves me really just hit me hard. I never thought of that being a possibility. I'd like it if it was true, cause she does make me so happy when I'm with her.

>>17680625
You are the only one who can improve yourself anon, others can just help you cope and show you the way. The rest is up to you.

>>17680659
Well I can definitely tell you from experience, she really loves you, and most likely has fallen for you. You're really lucky to have her. I'm sure you can do what it takes to make her happy.

>>17680689

Now that I think of that, I really do want to get better and stop doing stupid stuff that could ruin it. Thanks for the insight and inspiration.

I thanked my gf's parents for wishing me happy birthday. Her dad said 'glad you enjoyed your day etc' and her mum said 'no problem anon, hope your studies are going well'. Do I need to respond to that? Her parents make me nervous so I don't know if I need to respond further or if the conversation is over

>>17680701
I'm glad I could help out

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I've been so attracted to you since the first time I saw you and when I finally had a chance to meet you, I choked and wouldn't speak to you because I was too nervous. I don't think you noticed me because you were busy talking to my friends who know you and it's a blessing and a curse for me. I don't know what happened because I've been so confident that if we just had a good conversation together, you would end up enjoying being around me. I hope I still have a chance to show you what I'm like.

I just want you to know that I think about you alot...that I want to hold you in my arms and kiss you everwhere. Its not fair im older and you're younger than me. I hope you like me the way I like you and im much MUCH better than all those little "boys"

hopefully soon boo, hopefully soon

>>17680582
Fuck iktf

i am really angry like very pissed off and my mom she bought the wrong chair and shes a cunt and i hate the chair and a lot of girls are prettier than me so my bf is probably cheating because he ignores me and i hate college especially my math teacher i hope she dies and i just im having a panic attack and i could use someone to talk to or just someone to stream movies with me like honestly thats all i want someone to show me movies like a consistent skype friend but i have no friends not even online friends because im too shy to message first and i want to die i cant calm down right now im tired of being me :,(

the guy that ive been meaning to talk to on twitter closed his dm ): he said it was because people were sending stupid memes without thought while meanwhile i was delaying because i wanted to say something thoughtful x,( i am sad now because im so in love with him and feel a sudden disconnect now..

It's not just that I'd give anything for you. It's that I'd give everything for you. A perfect universe would be one where you were here right now. A universe where the only thing that ever was or will be is you in my arms.

>>17680901
then why wont you tell me

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I got you! I got you! All it took was for you to see me again, and now we're flirting pretty hard. Maybe I DO look good...?
But once you saw me, you;re the one who initiated all this and pushed it to the level is now.
Maybe you got me.

I moved in with my brother to help him out with money. He lost his job and I paid for everythign while he got a new one. Hes finally making more money than me. But every time I turn around, he spends all of it on something stupid! 100 bucks on a deer skull. 200 bucks on a compact bow that hes never going to use. He buys pizza and beer and gets drunk then buys random games online that he doesnt play. Goes out to parties and spends all his money. Buys random shit on Ebay while im gone.

He doesnt have money anymore so I have to pay for everything we need like food and rent. Im getting so pissed off because I was working hard and saving up for something and needed to use it to pay for things since he blew all his money on stupid shit he doesnt need or even want.
Im just upset. I feel like im making all these sacrifices and i cant even reward myself with a movie or game.

there's somewhere I'm supposed to be, but I don't know where it is. I know I want to be there but I don't know how to get there. I can't tell what is there but I get the feeling there's arms, and lips, and whatever it's going to take to hear my heart beat again. wish i knew the full cost of the path I've set myself to and if it leads there.

suppose I can't think about it too much, too distracting.

>>17680568
well I understand that more than you know.

my advice stands.

punny without even trying. get it, cause if you've gotten up you're standing? eh? ehhhh?

what the fuck is with all the cheating like
fuckgirls exist
fuckboys exist
I know that some people have a fetish for cheating but can you fuck off and die desu
Some people have been cheated on and want others to feel the same you can also die
Some people think having an open relationship means fucking whoever without the partners consent you can die too
Is this generation fucked? How is it so hard to stay loyal?
Why does it take accidentally getting knocked up to think OH SHIT MAYBE THIS WASN'T A GOOD IDEA.
anyways I got cheated on *drinks*

>>17680182
>she's far from perfect
you don't
FUCKING love her then
you have a crush
you want to fuck her
you fantasize about her being a better person than she probably really is
when in reality she's probably unbearable and boring as hell
which is why she's single
Please do this: list things that you actually like about her

>>17680901
Exactly how I feel anon. Thanks

>>17679033
FLIP
FLIP
FLIPADELPHIA
FLIP
FLIP
FLIPADELPHIA
FLIP
FLIP
FLIPADELPHIA

>>17680949
*cheers you and downs a shot*

I studied animation and got a job at a studio that tanked after its first year because the director was a greedy cunt. Got another job at another studio that was swiftly put out of business when it was discovered that they were hiring in a bunch of "Free Internships" where they didnt pay them and took all their art and gave them nothing.

Spent years trying to find another place for work and got nothing. No response. No emails. I even began walking into places and talking to people who were like "Gee I have this hard animation due next week and I sure could use some help" and still got nothing. Began working a retail job.

Its a retail job so i fucking hated it. It paid 10usd an hour, which oddly was a lot more than any of my friends earned and more than other places were offering. I wanted to quit but this was the best paying job I could find.

Finally but sheer stupid luck and being in the right place at the right time, I get hired in at a new company that needed an animator. But its been weeks and they havent found anyone that actually needs me. Its been 3 months and so far the only money I made from them is getting paid for business meetings. At this point I dont tell anyone simply because everyone seems to be super excited and impressed that I finally got a job in my profession. Everyone thinks my cheap lifestyle is just me being humble.
Fuckers dont know im just broke all the time. All I need is just one project. Just one and Ill be good for months. Im just waiting at this point...
at least i get to impress people with my stupid title.

I wish I could tell you how much I hate you.
How happy I am that you're suffering now, at your parents house, alone with no one to talk to except your online friends who know nothing about you.
I think it's hilarious that you ruined all your friendships by being the selfish bitch that you are.
I know you still self harm and I know you hate your life so much.
You've gotten so ugly now and your fear of getting fat (a thing you ridiculed me for) has made you anorexic.
But I won't. I know that if I tell you that I hate you it will make you happy.
I know that you'll destroy yourself on your own. You already have.

>>17680972
the trick is to just know, and not relish it too much. lest it consume you.

just sayin

>>17678771
whats your skype

I HATE HAVING MY COCK LOCKED UP
IT'S BEEN ABOUT 20 DAYS
THIS USED TO BE MY FETISH
I USED TO DREAM ABOUT IT
I WANT TO BE A CHRONIC MASTURBATOR AGAIN

>>17680977
I don't dwell on it.
My life is amazing now with someone who loves me a lot.
I just want to pour salt on the wound.
I feel like it's necessary. But I know it's not.
Walking away was the best thing to do and I will never go back.

[email protected]

anyone talk to me i'm lonely
i always check back if i dont see it immediatley i'm not home a lot ok?
please

heart, you bastard, I don't have time for you to tell brain you're all sad and shit. goddammit man. welp, looks like a drinking night.

>>17680949
tell me about it
it seems its like that with any "title" person, always another best friend. always another sugarbaby. always another favourite baker.
Like guys always complain that girls have it easy when choosing a """"boyfriend"""
yet girls just have a bigger selection of fuckboys and either because of that or because of ego there are just as many fuckgirls yet theyre not at the right place like WHY CANT FUCKBOYS AND FUCKGIRLS OR FUCK(PRONOUN) DATE EACH OTHER instead of wasting someones time, victimizing them. its because theres so many choices, so much quantity, that nothing is ever enough for anyone it seems.
anyways i was cheated on too *gets out the delux caprisun pack*

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I miss you + hope you're ok

I'm sick of being a poorfag. I'm only 19 but college isn't for me and I'd die before I took a 9-5. Don't wanna work at Mcdanks my whole life so it's either entrepreneurship or crime. Not sure which one has a higher chance of success. I'm a man of risk. Calculated risk. Need some bright minds on my side with some plans. Not sure how this was getting off my chest but I guess I needed somewhere to write it down. Put it into action.

Every few months or so I check in on you. Like Ill google you. Check your twitter or tumblr or facebook. check your friends stuff too.

and its simply because I fucking hate you. I fucking hate you so damn much and I love seeing how miserable you are now. After all the fucking shit you pulled on me its great to see that I was able to move on and get over it meanwhile you just fucking hate your life and all life and honestly Im surprised you still havent killed yourself.

In all honesty, I really wanted to be your friend. I wanted us to be adult about things and talk our issues out. I wanted there to be peace. Only because hating you and seeing you get away with everything destroyed me. If somehow I could befriend you then watchign you succeed would be nice.

but you slapped down all my advances to be friends and be adult about this so since I cant resolve my feelings by talking it out Im just happy to see your cunty ways destroy you. because for once I feel like there is justice.

does anyone else hate it when youre in a relationship with someone and you realize how cute of a couple you two are and but over time the other person just doesnt appreciate your loyalty and fucking ignores you on a regular basis while youre still obsesing over them and cant stop :,/

>>17681084
No because I'm not a doormat

>>17680972
>>17681049
same poster or same person??
either way they sound horrible

holy shit, it was a joke, P. i was making a fucking joke.
you couldnt have communicated to me, just had to be a passive cunt and ruin my life.
i miss you and hate myself for letting you go.
i hate you for leeching onto me like that and leaving me without warning.
why

>>17681092
how do i stop being a doormat

I've become addicted to chocolate again. Gotta stop.

I'm very rapidly seduced by its short term functional improvements, then I ignore its crippling effects with chronic use. I've eaten ~21oz of 55% cacao in the last 2 days. As always my saliency map is getting shitty, I'm frequently disoriented, becoming gradually more irrational, and have a mild nystagmus. It becomes moderate if I'm trying to read text close up.

But man, for the first few days and if it's kept in moderation... Amazing things. I can probably reverse it with ethanol or kava, but I don't really want to go there.

>>17679033
>a flip calling someone else a haole

wew lad

It sucks when someone you love shows their real colors. And they're angry, bitter, and cruel. When the bad outweighs the good sometimes you need to make hard decisions to find true happiness. This one's gonna hurt.

>>17681328
Yes, as always it's the fault of the person who is bitter. Not the fault of the actual reason they'd be bitter.

>>17680918
i feel you anon only i live with my bf he lost his job months ago. still expects me to do everything laundry cleaning ect. and buy him games. i havent bought anything for myself in over a year

>>17681345
You sound like someone who wants to defend bitterness because you are probably bitter as well. That's cool. This is so much more and different than your average whiny fuck. How do you stay with someone who refuses to get help or admit they're abusive? That won't listen to calm reasoning? Perhaps I should have chose different adjectives. I'll remember that next time

>>17680830
ease up love. boy are are jerks and wankers, we all know that, you'll find a man oneday and don't even worry about relationships while your in school, got plenty of time in a few years when you have some better life experience to know what your want.

>>17681284
Also, for the record, and anyone reading this. Log this in your memory, and log it well. With the right physiology, this stuff is more readily addictive than (dextro)amphetamine. And it's so easily available.

Yesterday was the most clear minded day I'd had in months. Cacao serves almost as the gateway to memory, and at higher doses, functions like a dissociative and mild hallucinogen. I had superhuman strength and endurance, greatly inhibited pain perception, and ended up wandering around the woods for a while. It changes your sense of time and scale, as well as the division between self and environment. Interest is infinite when everything is blanketed in interesting.

It was pretty neat. Again. I barely slept, woke up for work feeling out of it, and of course at more. Now I ate the rest.

Bear this in mind.

Fuck you for everything. Liar fuck.

I hope you fucking die. I hope you find out what real fucking pain is. And when that happens, I hope you fucking know you deserved it.

My anxiety is fucking me over.
Everytime I think I see her, I deteriorate. It all comes back, me blatantly messing up. It isn't even that big of a mistake, but somehow it feels like more than what it should be.

And despite it all, I just want to continue with my life and focus on more important things.
I don't want to live each day looking on a regretful past.

Maybe I just need to relax and get more sleep.

Someone just told me that I only really look happy when I pet my cat. What the fuck?

>>17681455
How erect were you? (1 to 10)

To the lady at Walmart.
A friend of mine and I were in a isle, I turned towards two people and I recognized your daughter, we went to high school together. I told my friend "Look it's ___"
You didn't have to be a complete cunt and say "You know her name, why dont you say hi then" Then proceed to call me "rude" You don't even look like her mother, she's asian and you are white and fat, and look like a dyke homeless twat bitch, so dont be coming up to me telling me who i should say hi to, when i wasnt even directly talking to you. CUNT

Idk what too put my energy towards lately my bored as fuck living with my cuzin all he does play vidya we dont go anywhere i cant smoke weed cuz of my aunt im just lonely again bored and have nothing to do anymore.... I used to live a fast life always on the go and now im livin with my aunt it feels like im on house arrest cant do anything cant go anywhere it sucks i just want my old life back but i know itll never happen im just lost i guess

>>17681469
Fucking life man, I'll tell ya.

>>17681463
0

>>17681483
So your penis was more or less concave at the time?

Hm. I'm not sure what they could have meant then.

>>17680082
Let's do it. I'm British though

>>17680979
Masteridstewart

>>17681506
Replying with trip to prove it's me

It's not a big deal but I'm having this fantasy to leave the country, have fun with girls for one month, then come back. Colombia, Philippines, Cameroon...
The problem is I'm in a very loving relationship, with a very loyal and pure woman who is educating my daughter by herself and followed me in the ass-end of nowhere out of love and duty.
I'm never going to cheat on her because that would amount to be one hell of a huge jackass (especially since she trusts me so much) but I'd like to get it out my system.
Sadly, masturbation is not an answer. I believe I have this fantasy because a baby requires hard work 24/7 and she ends up very tired and unavailable anyway. She also has trust issues over nannies, which I don't blame her for.

Guess I'll have to wait until the baby goes to kindergarten, but damn, 2 years is long...

>>17679818
This.

Stop trying to force your shitty OC.

Making someone you care about cry out of happiness is one of the best feelings in the world.

A friend of mine stabbed me in the back, and is blaming me for all kind of stuff happening in his life. He blames me for his depression, his lack of popularity and the lack of respect he gets. I don't have much of a hand in this, as we live quite far apart and go to different schools.

Of my two best friends, one has gone away for a few weeks so I can't reach him and the other is acting weird. We've gone from hanging out 1-2 per week to not seeing each other for weeks on end. I wouldn't mind if I knew what was going through his head.I wonder if the aforementioned person has poisoned him somehow or if he's reevaluating our friendship. Or maybe he just needs space to deal with new stuff in his life. I don't know and it's killing me.

On top of this stuff of mine is breaking down and I've had a string of bad luck. I also have Asperger syndrome and suffer from clinically diagnosed depersonalization and derealisation disorders, especially the former. To those who don't know, it's a feeling of unreality. Nothing feels real anymore and I'm starting to wonder if I'm in some kind of Truman show. I don't know what's real anymore. I don't even feel real. Sometimes I call out hoping that if someones watching this show they'll put it off.

I'm starting to reach the end of my rope. I've contemplated suicide but I'm religious so that's not an option. The only solution I can think of is carving a new life for myself. Find new friends, new activities. I must change, grow stronger or life will defeat me.

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I think there is something wrong with my mind. I don't feel myself, like I'm not here and I'm merely a passenger in my body. I quit drinking and drugs but I think I've fucked myself over permanently. what's wrong with me, familia ;-;

>>17681107
What joke did you make that scared her away like that?

I'm staying in a relationship I hate because I fear she will off herself if I leave her.

>>17681798
a poem about guitar hero

>>17680984
>gross

>>17681817
Wow you're fucked up

That was a stupidly short dream. It lasted all of 10seconds.

It was just me walking past my "crush" and just smiling at each other.

Whats odd is that it is a version of her from like a year ago. Not the current version of her.

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It's started as stalking other faculty group page with my friends for fun. It continued with me finding her social media etc. I haven't even say hi to her since I have yet to find the right chance. How am I started dreaming of dating her? Have I gone mad?

My back hurts and I feel stressed because I feel terrible about showing that I'm in need. and my drawing tablet decided to break on me. So I'm sad that I can't do stress doodles and also my chest hurts I want to cry. I'm sorry

Why do I do the things that I do.

I'm scarred to tell ky fwb that i love her.

>>17682031
It's ok you will get over It just get alone and cry it all out. You'll feel better

>>17680787
I got this weird feeling you are my crush because I am >>17679849 and I sometimes talk to his friend since they sit next to each other. Next time you sit next to that girl, talk to her

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I was in a tarot reader thread on this board last month and asked about if I had a chance with my crush. They said I do, but as of right now he has a crush on a tall (I'm tall but it's apparently not me) girl in the same class we are in, but he may see me as an interest in the future. The reason why I'm bringing this up is because on Monday I noticed that he did this strange glance over to a pretty tall chick in the class. It was fucking weird. The good news is that they said the reason why he is attracted to her is because he's currently looking for like a short relationship.

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>>17678708
MADDIES LEGS ARE FUCKING THICC OK
I KNOW I SAID IM ACE BUT SHE IS THE ONLY THING I WANT TO SHEGG I SWEAR

I said how I felt, and told myself you couldn't respond anymore for one reason or another at that time. My insecurities masked understanding, and influenced how I dealt with the situation. I felt heartbroken, as though you could be there for people that weren't kind or supportive, except for their own ends. I wanted to be there for you so much. I'm afraid to lose you. To need you. I knew I had to give you up if it's what you wanted. The hardest part of all. Though I feel I'd die without you, I wouldn't take life, although i'll give it if I can. Real love

Just waiting for assisted suicide to be legal if you felt you lived enough

Please hurry Dutch lawmakers~~~

>>17682473
that's my name :^)

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There's a cute girl on the same train I take that looks a little like my high school crush, except she's probably only 13 or so.

You \adv\guys said 'just ask him and it will solve everything' and I texted him 'do you like me' and he said yes but he can't make any move because 'it's complicated' so it didn't solve anything.

Everything in my life is hinging on bureaucracy now. Couple years ago I started college and I was depressed and gave 0 shits and kinda failed a lot of my classes due to these things.
I moved away from home and always thought, it has to get better, I will be happier there. And at first I was not. Failed classes, did stupid shit, drugs, slept around anything not to think about how horrible life is... (Truth - as I learned later - is when you have nothing to lose, life can only be so horrible.)
Then I met her. She nursed me back from the depths of my depression and put a smile back on my face. For a year I was so happy. Tried to put back college together, got a job, she helped me find a whole circle of good friends. I did it all started believing in the light at the end of the tunnel. I've honestly never felt or recieved so much love from people.

But, since I fucked around for the first two years now the board wants me to pay full tuition for this year. I don't have the money, can't borrow it from anyone and my family isn't well off so they can't pay for it. In essence it's not much money but... Shit, I'm poor.

So if my application for paying in installments doesn't go through... I don't know. I'll have to go back home. Leave all I built here. I don't want to go back to the black mire of my life before. I have friends now. I have a job. I have her. Finally when it seems it's getting back on track...

Fuck.
I don't know what to do.
I thought about killing myself but I can't do that to my parents, to her, to all the people around me.
There is no escape.

I ignore him because I want to talk to him. I ignore him because I want to hug him. I ignore him because I want to be with him.

I'm self conscious and I honestly wonder if the reason why that one fucking dick jokingly "flirts" with me is because he thinks I'm not pretty and is acting out for his faggot friends. Fuck him.

I promised myself to focus on my tasks more but I have my eyes set on some girl

At the beginning of this course I was talking to her more often and I didn't have much trouble

Now I'm a bit more distant and trying to pull out because I have other things to focus on and because I noticed that she might be annoyed by some of my stuff anyways. I'm sitting behind, she's sitting next to some dude and when I hear them laughing about something I lose focus on what I'm doing. I need to stop this.

So, I've been out of the dating game a /long/ time, for reasons. Recently had a fling with a long time crush, I got burned, now I'm over it.

Now I have the opportunity to muscle my way in and take someone else's girl. I know that's not a popular move, I'm not gonna waste character space trying to justify it. It just turns out that she's good gf material, and because of his behavior he definitely doesn't deserve her. I've known her about 3 years.

Here's the thing: I'm both scared of relationships, and lonely. Each time I try to weigh the pros and cons of being in one (not specifically with this girl, with anyone), I can't shake the feeling that my insecurities are influencing my decision one way or the other. Sometimes I want to find someone to be close to, and other times the idea seems frightening and feeds my resolve to be alone.

I guess I'm just trying to remember the good parts of being in a relationship, since that short fling was both an exciting respite from my normal seclusion, and a stark reminder of why I don't date in the first place.

You are literally at the bottom of the scum barrel, always good a talking people down but when push comes to shove and someone else has their say back, what do you do? Dodge their phone calls and won't pay them cause you're a piece of shit. What goes around comes and I can't wait to punch you in the nostrils when your family aren't around.

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The worst part is wondering how you’ll find the strength tomorrow
to go on doing what you did today and have been doing for much
too long, where you’ll find the strength for all that stupid running around, those projects that come to nothing, those attempts to escape from crushing necessity, which always founder and serve only to convince you one more time that destiny is implacable, that every night will find you down and out, crushed by the dread of more and more sordid and insecure tomorrows. And maybe it’s treacherous old age coming on, threatening the worst. Not much music left inside us for life to dance to. Our youth has gone to the ends of the earth to die in the silence of the truth. And where, I ask you, can a man escape to, when he hasn’t enough madness left inside him? The truth is an endless death agony. The truth is death. You have to choose: death or lies. I’ve never been able to kill myself.

>>17682796
I believe the technical term is called fuckboy

figure out what the hell you want before you start playing with people's lives

Your new account came up as a match on okc. That was a kick in the feels I didn't need, kinda funny though. But you could've just deleted all your shit instead, now I have to hide the new one.

For someone who loves reading about romances and stuff, I'm surprised at how repelled and stuff I am when it comes to hearing about other peoples love lives. I don't approve/believe in sex out of marriage so I know that's part of it, but I also know that isn't the reason I get like this when I hear others go on about their lives. I guess it can best be summed up as me being a bit jealous, but also feeling incompetent that people my age or younger are already in devoted relationships or getting into one while I'm still in the same spot I've been for the 21 years of my life. I feel like I'm doing something wrong, that I'm just not moving forward like they are and will eventually just be left behind alone. I'd like to be in a relationship, if someone felt the same/wouldn't mind the fact that I'd only want sex after marriage, but at the same time I feel both a mix of it never happening and that I'm super undeserving of anyway.

Idk how to explain how I feel, it just sucks feeling like this.

I know there are people out there who love me but I willfully pretend there aren't.

Opportunities for the life I've wanted have repeatedly fallen into my lap but I chose to refuse every one.

I had many advantages and did not utilize a single one.

I am a failure of my own volition and I have nobody to blame except myself.

>>17683142

>I don't approve/believe in sex out of marriage

Seriously, and you're 21?

What is so sacred about marriage? Why do you need a piece of metal on your finger, or an expensive ceremony, shit even just a piece of paper to say that you "are officially a couple" before you can enjoy the body of the person you love?

How can you be 21 in the year 2016 and hold such a perspective? Genuinely curious - what is your justification for that position?

Todays my birthday. I worked all day and now Im sitting at home alone drinking and just threw a frozen pizza in the oven to eat. I dont have a gf, the most Ive got is a FWB that wants to date me but I wont do it because shes crazy. Im tired of being alone. Im in my 30s and despite having a good job, my life is just an endless sea of mehhhh.

I really like you, i have for the past few months actually, i just really wish i had to courage to tell you. I hate that you're moving, i hate myself

holy shit, shit is going down. man you really shit the bed on this one and I didn't even realize how bad a job you were doing till I had someone else come in and look. you failed so hard that had you done no work at all... we would be almost exactly here. all you had to do, ALL YOU FUCKING HAD TO DO, was communicate and not lie and everything could have been fixed immediately.

I don't like being an asshole but that's the point we're at now. you fucked with my relationship with my client, jeopardized future related work, and made me look bad by association. I wasn't an asshole expressly for these reasons but also as a protective measure for everyone from my client. there's no saving you now, you fucked up too big and I'm gonna let you walk into it. you fucked with a lawyer, man. not even just a lawyer, a serious lawyer.

no one ever listens, people always assume I don't know my shit, or I don't know the circumstances, or that I am otherwise wrong. I was right, no one listened, now everyone is going to learn some shit. except me, I put in the extra work, I put in the extra detail, I put in the extra customer service, and for once it's going to pay off cause I'm the one not at risk for getting sued or not paid. all these years of taking shit working for other people no matter how hard I worked and finally it pays off. damn running my own company is sweet as fuck.

I'd be lying if i said I won't enjoy watching this go down. so many utterly incompetent and shit people never got their dues and it was just because I was in the wrong place or role.

been an interesting day, tomorrow promises to be even more so.

hey, you, you should call me. we should've cleared everything up a long time ago.

>>17683275
Happy birthday!

I'm starting to contemplate returning with my ex. Last night I couldn't sleep (protip: running at night actually wakes you up) so I ended up thinking about her.

Sometimes I feel I killed the relationship too soon, maybe I was afraid of something. Anyways, maybe I should lower my expectations and don't try to find somebody with

>Her shit sorted out
>Twisted concepts of beauty
>Some degree of confidence issues

I've fallen for her and the meet-up/coffee date went well. I felt really positive after it and I get the feeling she might be into me. She was acting flirty and gave me the vibes.
It's just now that it's been some days since then and she hasn't sent me any messages in return and my depression/insecurity/loneliness is getting the better of me, making me think she's not into me and no one is right for me cause I'm not good enough.

I'm honestly scared and confused about being a father soon. I'm still getting my own life together and I'll soon have someone looking up to me, to teach how to be a man and survive in the cold cruel world. I never wanted children, I didn't plan for this, but it's reality and only 10 more weeks until he's here. Everything's so hard between being homeless for so long, dealing with my mental issues and trauma, working two jobs, owning a business and taking classes. The therapy helps, and I'm finally not a recluse anymore. Getting fit and women are noticing me more, but what does it matter now? I do it all for you my son. Idk how I feel anymore, I'm just glad you're healthy so far. Holding hope things fall into place soon and it gets a little easier.

>>17683408
Hey anon, I think you'll like this song https://youtu.be/6mhtJduoCZ0 and With Arms Wide Open by Creed

>>17683414
Creed is like, the worst band ever, way below Nickleback. The fucks wrong with u

>>17683425
It's the only fucking song I like by them, chill

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My leg suddenly started hurting a fuckton to the point is crippling when i was taking a shit, i couldnt lift my leg up to wipe my ass so i crawled to the shower pants down with intense pain screaming like a little bitch to let the water wash my ass.

Now im near my bed nude from my waist down wondering if i should call an ambulance right now or wait it off

>>17683465
Put underwear on, call 911

>>17683465

Yep, call the ambos man. Even if you can't get your pants on.

Stay calm as you read my next words, but it could be a clot or embol and so could be life threatening. Definitely worth calling ambos if it's more than your average cramp.

>>17683055
That's fair advice, though I should clarify a little. They're likely to break up regardless of what I do, really I'm just a position to take his place easily.

>>17683472
>>17683468

great way to start the night i guess, thanks guys gonna do that

>>17683414
Thanks anon, it helps. I've been hearing With Arms Wide Open a lot lately actually....I just feel weird. It fills me with guilt and confusion because I'm afraid I won't feel anything for him, but I refuse to ever abandon my child. My old man left before I was even born, fuck that. What's worse is I'm not with the mother. I'm just glad we're on okay terms and agreed to co-parent.

>>17683483
Godspeed, give us an update when everything is ok

>>17683483
>>17683491

what he said

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>>17683488
>afraid i won't feel anything for him
You're going to love him, you even said you're doing things because of him and he hasn't even arrived yet. That's good that you guys have agreed on co-parenting. You're going to be a great dad.

>>17682796
Basically what anon >>17683055 said. If you're looking to be a rebound fuck, go for it. If you really want a relationship, then by "stealing" this girl away from the guy you aren't winning anything. next chad she's into that hits her up will "steal" her from you. Either play the game or hang the gloves for good man, not both.

>>17683500
I appreciate the support anon. It just sucks because the mother has had a job this whole time while I'm just getting back into a good place again. Laid off for awhile until about a month ago. Feeling overwhelmed lately and I did sink into depression for a few days but broke out of it. I feel bad because I feel weak and like I've let her and my son down already, even though I'm aware I was just getting my life together beforehand and just hit a spot of bad luck. Just gotta work harder right?

>>17683534
As long as you're doing your best and taking good care of your son, you're not letting them down. Keep your chin up, familia, you got this

Got bad news today of a friends passing... im overwhelmed with thoughts... called 3 people and no answer. Reached out to another friend and too busy for me. Its feels really painful not having anyone to be there for you when you need them....

What the fuck? It's like all these people who play WoW get really angry really easily. I've never played it myself but from my small but varied experiences with some people who play/played, holy shit these guys need to chill.

>>17683547
I'm sorry that your friend passed away, anon. I send my condolences to you.

>>17683548
I have this problem.
I know it doesnt matter. I guess I just get mad when i know its my teammates faults because thats something i cant control. I cant make them better or make them listen. Im being punished for somethign beyond my control. Yest still I get mad.

I have to walk away from the game sometimes to calm down or just quit playing. I feel embarassed I have this anger problem and try to just walk away to calm down but still i feel shitty when people see I need to even do this.

>>17683542
Thank you. :)

>>17683547
Honestly that really sucks, you have my sincerest condolences.

I just got over my ex and now they've been hinting at getting back together.

I wanted to just stay friends because I was into someone else, and I thought they were beginning to like me.

Just found out they have no interest in me and I can't go back to my ex, because I know they're not good for me.

fml
I feel so god damn lonely

I have allergies that drain me. Makes me feel really uncomfortable and easily irritated or tired. My job is around a lot of things that set me off so I tend to just go to work, and come home feeling really shitty and rest. No medicine I take stops it, it only prevents it from being worse.

Lately ive been getting more hours and days and my family thinks its a good thing but its been nearly 2 months of this and i hate it so much. It feels like I just wake up, go to work, come home feeling awful, and rest just so I can do it all again. Theres no reward at the end of the road and during my days off all I do is take care of the chores I couldnt do or heal up.

My life just feels like a constant blur of itchy discomfort and pain. I do have another job that I can do from home, but some reason they havent needed me that much so I havent been able to rely on it enough to be able to quit my other job.

I miss having energy

>>17683585

How's your overall health and fitness?

Have you spent any time examining your diet and seeing if you can do anything to give your immune system a kick in the ass?

Not pseudoscience here, there's a lot of very real scientifically backed ways out there through diet alone to boost your energy level and general health. Google is your friend.

Maybe take a look at intermittent fasting.

How should I go about cutting contact without hurting the other person. Started talking to a girl again that I fell for but I'm over the crush/ don't see anything positive coming from a friendship between us. Usually I'd just ghost someone but we were really close at one point and I feel bad for her

>>17680805
Okay so now I've decided, you want to be with that "boy"? go ahead, I know I won't be able to talk to you tomorrow but thursday I can. If you still want to go out with me friday morning sweet! but if you flake out on me well I understand where I stand

>>17683627
Tell her exactly that. Discuss it with her. Don't be mean or rude.

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>>17683492
>>17683491
>>17683472
>>17683468
Hey guys im back from the hospital, it turns out i have the same symptoms of a blood clot in my left leg, but it really is a very severe muscle inflamation from my type of arthritis.

Got off on lots of painkillers and some diclofenac for home, ty for the advice anons now the only thing that hurts is my ass cosplaying the pincushion.

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Never been here, apologies if out of place.

I don't believe I can exquisitely express myself, but I can't find any deeper meaning in anything and have not for most of my life. Everything seems totally incomprehensible on any meaningful level. Years have gone by and I feel the same, and worse still it is impossible to make myself understood. It is even difficult to expend the effort to type this. Am I alone in feeling like this? It seems like everyone with my mindset is dead or a suicide-to-be. I have tried to express this before but was met with derision.

>>17682606
I absolutely love Haruomi Hosono and Happy end, classic.

>>17681683

Depersonalization. You haven't fucked yourself over permanently. Drinking and doing drugs fucks up your brain chemistry over time, but it can be restored if you start taking care of yourself. Talk to a doctor, see a psychiatrist, tell them exactly how you feel. Shit gets better. Hang in there.

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i wonder if someday i'll find a girl for me

I got friends, im getting stronger and healthier everyday,im doing everything i can to go out of my confort zone, but still i can't find a girl that gets the way i think, maybe im to stupid, autistic or retarded for this world

i just want to find a girl that it's a little bit more optimistic and likes to talk about the random stuff i like to talk about

i know there is people here in even worse conditions, who don't even have friends or good health

But i still feel very lonely, i feel like no matter what i do i'll never be good enough for any girl

if a girl ever likes me i know it will not be because of how i am, she will only like me for the way i look

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24 year old almost 25.
Got my first kiss today, played with nipples and got to her pubic hair. She didn't let me touch her privates directly, but was okay through her yoga pants.

I'm happy now. Still a virgin but I feel good reaching second base. She didn't give me what I want, but did massage my crotch through my jeans.

I hang out with my crush nearly every day. We mostly make small talk, but I want to know her on a deeper level.

I think she's cute, funny and has a innocent charm, like as if she hasn't been jaded by the world's crippling pointlessness yet.

I want to protect her, cuddle with her and kiss her.

Unfortunately I'm not sure how to go about getting to know her deeper

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>>17683870
congrats anon, you accomplished something other anons will never do in their lifetimes

What the fuck did I do to deserve this life? I was a good kid. I listened to authority, did well in school, even fell for going to college. I stayed out of trouble.

But everything just shits on me. I can't get a job, not even minimum wage crap. My "friends", who am I kidding, I have no friends. I was stuck in a depression loop for 3 fucking years. And I jumped through the hoops to get better. Finally I said screw this I'm going back to school to try again. I was kind of happy to try again and hoped things would be better this time around. Now my financial aid is getting pulled cause I hit the loan limit for undergrad. I should have another 20k available to me since I'm an independent student but for some fucking reason they are denying me it. I called them and they were like uhh we don't know. Fucking incompetent assholes get jobs and I can't for some reason. If my aid gets cut I'll have to drop out and I'm done. I'll jump off the parking garage at my school as a fuck you. Fucking hell what did I do to deserve this shitty life.

i act like i dont care but i do, sorry im too much of a pussy to put it all out there

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Have depression. Have been thinking about ending it for years now.

The last vestiges of hope for my future are quickly slipping past. I'm reaching out for any reason to stay around, but keep grasping at air.

I'm terrified by the thought of reincarnation. That if I do it, I start all over again in a pain filled life, doomed to repeat everything again.

I give up

I took the comfiest shit in the world today. Dear god, it felt so good, I felt warmth and happiness from it.

>>17684175
please don't. what's wrong? ma nigga, send me a message through the chicago skytrain.

Its cold up there though.

Im awkward as fuck and hate it

I HATE MY STUPID FUCKING LIFE AND MY STUPID FUCKING FRIENDS AND THESE STUPID FUCKING DOCTORS AND THERAPISTS IM DONE WITH THIS FUCKING ILLNESS I HATE IT SO MUCH

>>17684209
baby please message me please

>>17684213
why?

>>17684222
Is it you? is it really?

Is that what this has all been about?

please...

>>17684224
what?

>>17684226
I don't know I have schizophrenia and I have this terrible thought in my head that my exgf I got mad at has cancer and I don't know why but...

I've been crying for the last hour or so if it is you then please message me theres so much I have to ask you should know who I am then right? lil b?

>>17684230
and if she did that would explain so much of her behavior and god... I just want to know if shes ok and I want to talk to her I'm never going to stop worrying until she does...

>>17684230
sorry, I'm not the person you're thinking of, I'm not sure who you are.

>>17684238
god if you're just saying that to keep it hidden or...

just please... I'm ready to fucking hang myself Im on the fucking edge and... theres so much weird shit going on and no one is telling me and fucking god damn it little baby please just please

>>17684238
>>17684240
they tell me I made your life so much worse and miserable and that you were only with me out of pity and...

one hour... that's all I ask and you can just..

fuckkk.

>>17684244
Okay look I'm not the girl you're looking for but PLEASE DON'T HURT YOURSELF. I doubt that this girl was with you out of pity, she probably liked you. Do you know if she really has cancer? be sure you know before you get yourself so wrapped up in things, take a deep breath, please.

>>17684244
Just breathe you will be okay

>>17684256
>>17684260
you're all fucking with me now.

Just please stop. someone please tell me the truth that's all I always wanted I see these posts that repeat here and I broke their code and it says have no treatment plan for the cancer and not afraid to die and that she loves her friends and loves me and wants to tell me but shes been doing some questionable things in her depression and she doesn't want me to remember her in that way and god stop fucking with me I'm sorry I ruined your life so much but theres so many irrational behavior that makes me wonder oh god I can't stop

>>17684268
its not going to stop I'm going to keep looking for more clues and I message people and they all ignore me and I'm genuinely sorry for what I did and the fucking therapist guy just thinks all this will go away that I have ASPD he doesn't fucking know me he doesn't understand about the questions and the thoughts and the shit I see and I just know....

I blew up at her a few days ago for cheating on me and she was so happy the night before but maybe she was miserable her friends all tell her that I'm a terrible person that she shouldn't love me and if she was cheating on me I don't know no one tells me I tried to message that guy from ILM and he just blocked me Id didn't I just J the quetions yI just need to know please someone tell me something I' can't stop they are fucking in my head and I can show you the code

Holy fucking SHIT
LEAVE ME FUCKING ALONE
I don't love you, give me a break, I want to spend a whole week without hearing from you
FOR FUCKS SAKE ITS TEARING ME APART

>>17684279
and he keeps threatening me that I'll go to jail if I tried to contact her because shes afriad I'll fucking do something like post her nude photos but I wouldn't because I love her and I deleted them all and its not fair I just wanted to know what was going on and they never answer and then I see all these posts with the cancer and I know it's her who else could it be why else or

is she doing heroin? is she in rehab? is that what this is baby please talk to me pelase are you in rehab? do you have cancer what does it all mean please

>>17684284
is this... is this you?

just... please tell me what is going on what is happening please just tell me it's not fair I just want to know and I'll leave everyone alone what is going on

that guy said you have stds and you've been cheating on me this whole time

>>17684284
you know I would have left you alone such a long time ago you know this but when I questioned you... you always got so angry at me and denied everything and tried to make me feel terrible just...

What is it? Please, just tell me I won't say anything just tell me this isn't fair get on skype or email or just please

>>17684284
>>>17684284
for the love of god please JUST FUCKING TELL ME WHAT HAS BEEN GOING ON.

BE A HUMAN BEING. HAVE SOME DECENCY PLEASE JUST TALK TO ME I JUST WANT TO KNOW I'LL KEEP IT ALL TO MYSELF JUST TELL ME

>>17684284
I won't do anything to hurt you... I just want the truth I just want to stop banging my head against the fucking wall wondering what is wrong, what did I di, what did you do I won't tell anyone who you are I deleted everything I just want to know you're fucking driving me literally insane with just fucking just please god I beg you to talk to me like Im a fucking person.

To give me answers ok? just give me answers? do you have that question sheet?

Do I have STDs like James says?

Who ... why.... please....

>>17684284
I SEE the posts H makes and do you want me to go and question literally all of your friends?

Why the fuck won't you just do that one thing, just answer my questions they aren't going to go away they aren't going to and you're just being selfish to do all those things to me and not say it

>>17683627
initials please

>>17684284
Im messaging everyone now.

I'm messaging them all asking what is going on, why won't you talk to me and tell me the truth. Clearly I was right if it's "tearing you apart"

Not to mention your bodyguard told me that you hated me, that you pity me, that you gave me STDs and I was right about everything.

I'm not going to tell anyoneo why won't you just tell me why are you making this as slow and painful as possible?

At least email me. Tell me you're going to answer my questions.

Im not posting any of your nudes god. You are not under any threat. If you sue me for that... jesus christ...

just tell me just tell me everything,.

Kill yourself, C.

Actually, both of you C's should kill yourselves.

>>17684284
This woman lead me on for years... the entire time seeing people behind my back. I knew she was... I knew it but when I questioned her she belittled me, insulted me, and made me feel like a shitty person. She would break down crying saying "IM NOT A CHEATER. IM NOT A LIAR."

and then tells everyone I was awful to her and that I mader her miserable...

I gave her everything. Just tell me the fucking truth please thats all I want and you can live your terrible life by yopurself just for fuck's sake PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE YOURE KILLING ME

I was a victim of revenge for something I did not do. I lost a lot of friends because of that revenge. When I discovered the truth three years later I felt bad because I didn't understand why someone would hate me that much to stick around 3 years messing up my life on purpose. I also felt bad with myself for my lost friendships which I didn't deserve so in the end I had nothing and no one to talk to.

I remember what I felt when I learned the truth, sadness hate and regret that burned me out and after that night I don't have feelings anymore. I was a good person, perhaps I still am because despite not feeling motivated to give a fuck about anything, I try to act the way I used to be when I cared, because I refuse to be changed by what was done to me.

The worst has passed and I'm slowly starting to feel again as of 2013, it's been 8 years and I never have told this to anyone, until now if this counts.

>>17684358
This is me right now.

she has been fucking behind my back for 2 years and is threatening to sue me for no reason. I didn't threaten her, I'm not trying to shame her, I just want her to tell me the fucking truth so I can know there is evil in the world. To know that I'm not going to trust another person ever.

And the fucked up thing is they keep trying to make me seem like the bad person here. Why would it be tearing her apart if she didn't do anything? Why would that guy tell me I have STDs now? It's literally after I made him angry he posted that. I'ts exactly his posting style and it's fucking exactly what hes said about me and for fuck's sake just answer my questions so I fucking KNOW WHAT THE FUCK PEOPLE CAN DO IN THIS WORLD

>>17684367
>>17684284
If it's tearing you apart then imagine how I fucking feel. You have been threatening me, ignoring me, and making me you have fucking cancer. Jesus christ just fucking tell me everything stop playing with my mind.

I promise to not say anything public about it I just want the truth I just want to know god I cry every day for hours and fuck face james threatens me constantly by saying he wants to put a gun in my mouth

>>17684339
Get away from her, respect yourself and make her learn her place, don't expect her to explain anything, don't even ask, some people are evil and that's just the way it is. I'd say that you try embarrasing ir exposing her but the farther away you are from that situation the better.

If she tries talking to you don't hold anything back, but don't get emotional, do it as coldly as possible and don't waste any feeling on her, be it hate or love she's not worth any

>>17684376
no I'm not going to publicly shame her.

I need to know you people just do not understand do you?

Do you not understand what schizophrenia is? What it means to not have the answer? my mind will obsess with this for all of fucking time trying to rationalize it. I will never find an answer. It's literal fucking torture.

just google it. One of the biggest symptoms to schizophrenia is repeating questions that don't go anywhere.

I'm no delusional she so very clearly did something. Her lawyer/therapist posts on here even. He says I have STDs that I don't know about because of who shes been fucking. MULTIPLE TIMES SHE CHEATED.

JUST FUCKING TELL ME ITS GOING TO DRIVE MY TO LITERAL INSANITY.

You already fucked me over so badly just don't do this to me. please. Im not going to post about it I just need to know for my mental stability

I just don't really like people.
I can't explain it to others because everyone else seems to like being surrounded by other people.
It's fucking weird, OK?
They always want to hang out with me because I'm awesome and nice and a fucking riot, but I have zero interest.
People just look like work to me, and why the fuck would I want to spend time with you if I'm not getting paid for it?
Fuck off already with your social neediness and trying to make me feel bad about the embarrassment you feel when you realize I want nothing to do with you outside of work.
Your feels are your problem so get them the fuck under control.
You're like a kid throwing a fit for candy at the fucking grocery store.
I want to smack you for being ridiculous.
Fucking grow a goddamn pair, already, people, jeez.

>>17684386
I'm sorry for whats happening to you, I know exactly how you feel because I also expected an answer that I didn't get, I also understand how crazy things can get. One time I was crying and laughing out loud at the same time. My advise is: don't let anything change you, and give it time and you'll get over it. That someone hates you or loves you should not mean that you'll be happy or not.

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>be me
>no friends
>absolutely none
>the only 2 people i talk to are online
>one is a guy, the other is a girl
>realized that I haven't heard from the girl in a while
>could be that she's ghosting me now
>the guy still talks to me regularly but i'm worried he might want to be more than friends now
>seems like the only thing he takes interest in about me is my looks
>worried that he's starting to get annoyed at my evasiveness
I don't know. Thinking about it all makes me feel alone and a bit sad. Especially over the girl. It sucks when you think you've gotten on with someone well only for them to ditch you. I'm probably just letting my paranoia get the best of me, since I know she has valid reasons for being offline, but I also know I can be a bit of an autist faggot and I wouldn't blame her if she left because of that. It just hurts to think about it. I wish I had someone nice to hold me right now.

>>17684402
No you people don't fucking GET IT

I AM NOT FUCKING NORMAL

I DO NOT HAVE A NORMAL BRAIN

I AM LITERALLY FUCKING SCHIZO

JESUS FUCKING CHRIST I"M GOING TO FUCKING SMASH MY BRAIN AGAINST MY MONITOR JUST FUCKING POLEASE

>>17684411
You fucking assholes don't fucking understand you don't fucking understand I can't turn this fucking off EVER THIS ISN'T A FUCKING CHOICE FOR ME DO YOU FUCKING GET THIS I DONT CHOOSE TO FUCKING HATE MYSELF LIKE YOU DO WITH YOU WHORISH ACTIONS YOU DONT

I DONT FUCKING GET TO SIT DOWN AND TURN THE THOUGHTS OFF WHILE WATCHING A MOVIE OR PLAYING A VIDEO GAME I DONT GET TO I DON"T ITS NOT FUCKING FAIR

I CAN DO 4 OR 5 FUCKING THINGS AT ONCE AND NOT MISS A DETAIL FROM ANY OF THEM AND STILL HAVE MY FUCKING MIND FILLED WITH THESE QUESTIONS BECAUSE I WONT GET THE ANSWER ITS DRIVING ME FUCKING INSANE YOU SELFISH BITCH JUST FUCKING KILL ME IF YOURE NOT GOING TO FUCKING SAY IT

>>17684420
>>17684411
AND THE GUY SAID SHE GAVE M FUCKING STDS.

I HAVE STDS NOW FOR LOVING A SINGLE WOMAN JESUS FUCKING CHRIST WHAT STDS DO I HAVE NO DO I HAVE FUCKING HIV? SYPHILLIS? WHAT THE FUCK DID SHE GIVE ME

>>17684411
It doesnt matter what we think or believe, why do you care about it? Stop relying on what people think and your schizo will should be like a breeze. What you believe matters, nothing else, not even this answer should matter to you like it seems it does. If you believe in something strongly enough hold on to that

>>17680565
Reach out

>>17678708
It's 10:30. I'm in a post office, waiting in line.

I realize it's getting hot inside, the post office is filled to the brim with people.

I look at them, and on their faces is that typical city discontent, always in a rush, always grumpy. Their very mood permeates my own body. My legs start to get wobbly, I wonder if anyone notices it. Not fucking now, I think, Relax, I think, but it's too late. Didn't I get over this? Guess not. The lumps in my throat, the coiling snakes in my belly, the crushing pressure around my eyes and my forehead.

It's my turn to be serviced, I pay, and the lady behind the counter hands me a paper to sign. My hand is shaking, I barely manage it. I wonder if they notice. I take what I need to take and get out of there. I come home and write this.

Just had to put it here, every time I think I'm finally free from this irrational anxiety it comes right back. Fuck's sake, I rather I never had respite, maybe I'd get used to it. I'd rather I didn't get better for a while just to have it taken away from at random moments.

>>17684426
YOUR'E CLEARLY TALKING FOR HER

YOU KNOW FUCK ALL WHAT IT"S LIKE TO BE SCHIZO FUCKFACE FUCK

WHAT STDS DO I FUCKING HAVE

I NEED ANSWERS THIS ISN'T GOING AWAY IM GOING TO FUCKING DO EXACTLY WHAT THAT GUY SUGGESTED I FUCKING HATE EVERYONE

is it so fucking hard to answer my fucking questions just what the fuck... I need to talk to her over skype and hear her, see her say it...

I can't... this isn't fuaif this fuckign fain I fucking just want to kill the fucking voices they will keep my up all night chattering talking questioning wondering fucking and the people she tells all the things that I was the bad guiy in just and that I was pathetic and she only pittied me I asked her for the fucking truth for so often she BEGGED ME TO STAY WITH HER.

>>17684430
I'm no doctor but i dont think you have any std, you should still get a regular checkup though. I also talk for myself only

>>17684409
I learned that hapiness is possible even when you're alone

10/10 Would hug

>>17684447
fuck off.

you assholes...You can live your lives with this on your hands. You can live knowing what you did to a man with a mental illness,,,, just...

This is your evil.

this is on you.

>>17684458
You're confusing me with someone else so its not on me, get a grip, i'm someone who went through the same but no matter what I say you react negatively to the point I'm not sure what to say.

>>17684458
Also, in case this helps I've seen karma deal with evil people sooner or later. If you're still confused with me at least rest assured that I'll have to deal with karma eventually. Though I really was trying to help and the same really happened to me :/

>>17684454
I'm normally fine with being alone, I've been alone for a large part of my life, but the reality of it hurts sometimes and I can't help but feel sad about it. Thanks for your reply - it made me smile.

>>17684497
I'm glad it did. Take care :)

>>17684509
Thanks anon, you too

I no longer have any interest in doing really anything at all. I just don't care. feels pretty bad desu

>>17684482
Yeah well I was the most loving, caring soul in the world to this girl. In fact, I posted one of my love letters I wrote to her here and people replied with "If I fucked over someone like that I would kill use both in guilt"

Also, the reason why she wants to "wait a week" is 99% that shes waiting for the STD results to get back. It's ok, I went ahead and told her partners for her.

Yay, I hope it's something good like AIIDDSSSSS. Nothing better than getting an STD when you think you're in a loving monogamy.

Fuck. I can't get this girl out of my head. Every day she pops in out of nowhere. And every dream I have involves her.

She gives off mixed signals like crazy.

She is quite shy, never acknowledges me in person unless I say something. And same goes for text, never messages first but is willing to talk for hours once I get her going.

I've caught her looking at me quite a few times from a distance.

When ever I try to hangout with her she's always "busy" but leaves it open for either of us to bring it up again, and agrees that we should hang out.

(did manage to meet up once)

>>17684612
holy shit how many people did she fuck?

There are so many she had to hire a fucking security firm.

To keep people quiet while they wait for the tests.

MC,

for fucks sake stop playing with me. We already got intimate together, and you give a lot of signs of attraction, yet still you blow me off pretty often and always wait for me to text you. When we meet tho, you go full body contact. The fuck is wrong with you? Make up your goddamn mind and tell me whats up. At this point I dont even care about rejection, just fucking say something. Not like you wouldnt know I like you, right? Right? You cant be that oblivious.

Fuck.

I should do the dishes

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The girl tells everyone that she stayed with me out of pity, that I would guilt trip her into staying with me.

That wasn't the case. Every time I would ask her "What is going on heer? What are you hiding from me?" and she absolutely lost her shit at me. She would say "I'm NOT A LIAR! I'M NOT A CHEATER! YOU'RE A PIECE OF SHIT FOR SAYING THOSE THINGS ABOUT ME. YOU'RE FUCKED UP. ARE YOU AUTISTIC? ARE YOU A PSYCHOPATH? HOW COULD YOU SAY SUCH TERRIBLE THINGS ABOUT ME!".

or other times when I tried to leave she would beg for me to stay with her. That I needed to be patient and understanding and that she would get better. She is a dirty fucking liar that told her friends, coworkers, and more terrible things about me.

She used me the entire time. She knew she was a piece of shit. She knew she was fucking around but she also knew that those people didn't love her. That those people treated her like the human garbage she is.

It's so hard to be mad at her. I pity her. I feel sad for her. She does not know how to love, she is incapable of love. She so desperately wants to be loved though.

It absolutely breaks my art to see such a pitiful creature.

She had so many chances. She truly did. People will continue to use her though. Over and over until shes finally too old for anyone to want and she settles for some poor fatfuck working at Arby's.

To throw away the perfect man. That ones going to burn her deep for a long time.

>>17684746
How do you know she tells people those things? Do you automatically trust them and not her?

>>17684746
Do you think you are perfect, or just perfect for her? Why are you calling her a piece of shit? Did she believe you were saying horrible things about her?

>>17683142
That also means it's going to feel all the more satisfying when it does happen. I wish more people still saw the value in waiting. It's so hard to find someone appropriate to date.

>>17684790
>>17684853
Because I have seen her post it publicly on twitter. Before she would deny it but it's obvious now.

She posts here as well. Talks about how shes ready to fuck her ex and how badly she wants a second chance. Her little therapist posted about it as well.

R is a sad. pathetic woman. She will fit in perfect with her "EX."

I want to post all of our conversations to show everyone how batshit insane she is but I won't. She would get too much enjoyment from playing the victim.

She is either drinking heavily, doing heroin, or smoking weed.

Again, I don't care. In a couple months she will be obsessing over me just like the past. She will try to demonize me then she will idolize me. The very second I get a new GF is when she realizes all her mistakes. I gave her a hundred chances to be a good person and she simply failed to deliver.

She has a job right now it's true but shes going to get fired. She will leech off of her ex until he remembers "Wow, this girl is unbearable" then move back home to leech off her wealthy family.

Shes never had to struggle a day in her life. Shes not earned a thing she possesses and her work... it's something?

I'll admit it's going to hurt for awhile but you should see the type of women I can get. 10/10 holy fucking shit wow girls. One of them is currently single and very close. I'm going to see how she feels about workin on a collab or being drawin like one of my french girls.

just going to dive right into it. It's amazing how a charming, intelligent, witty, funny, creative, and hardworking overweight babyfaced man can get girls way out of his league.

(to be fair, my last 3 exes were not out of my league. They are simply full of themselves)

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I'm exhausted and I feel like I need a break, but I don't know if I'm being entitled and I'm just as busy as every other adult.

>Worked as teacher from January-May. Did some work for my old job during this time and did some part-time PhD work.
>Finished teaching job on a Friday, went back to old job full time on the Monday.
>Been doing that full time along with my part-time PhD.
>Plan things and do chores during my free time.
>Had two days of holiday time this year.

Is this regular adult life or am I burning the candle at both ends?

I genuinely hope my supervisor's supervisor never wants to fuck me because I know I'll do ut and destroy my marriage. My wife is objectively better in every way but something about a woman twice my age looking good for age gives me diamonds.

>>17684853
1.Other than my financial issues at the moment, I know I am a catch
2. Shes a piece of shit for chasing her ex the entire time she was in our relationship, chasing other men, and then blaming me for it all. She was projecting hard.
3.Yes, she did. I could show you the conversations but then people will bitch about it. Once I asked her if the things we talked about doing for sex made her uncomfortable in any way she got so incredibly angry at me. She said I was accusing her of being a liar. To her, me saying "I want you to know I would never pressure you into something you weren't comfortable with. You didn't seem that interested in that specific thing last time we tried so if you want to talk about it we can."

She thought I was questioning her loyalty, that I was accusing her of lying, that I wanted to be with my ex because she would do those things with me. Just some insane out of nowhere allegations. That was the entire relationship. Her getting angry as fuck at me for wanting to communicate.

I am trapped in the hospital and my husband has not been here to see me once nor has he replied to any of my messages. I feel like I've been left to rot.

>>17684853
btw, no one is perfect. It's hyperbole, exaggeration for effect. I was very good to her. I have many faults of my own but unlike her I worked to better myself.

I am too trusting of a person. I will see the things that are obvious clues of her infidelity but if I ever brought it up to her she would do some very manipulative things. She always denied it, straight up. She would turn it around on me saying I was paranoid, that nothing was there, or that I wanted to be with another girl.

The things I saw would trigger anyone's insecurities. She also constantly criticized me. She called me fat, handsome/cute not "hot", she always idolized her ex, compared me to him sexually, openly flirted, belittled me, mocked my personal issues, ignored me, would say I wasn't romantic enough or didn't do loving enough things for her, shit of that nature all the time.

Her social media posts were always about wanting to be with another man, mock me, say things like "nobody loves me" "I'll die alone" "I want to know what it's like to be loved" "Im too busy loving someone old to love someone new" "I'm not who you think I am" "you're not looking for me" and so much more. Just constant.

I feel like such a fucking idiot for taking the abuse for so long.

She calls me her "cringelvl5 ONLINE-BF", she calls me her "cringe situation" and more recently. She became obsessed with posting those types of things on this board and it was obvious it was her.

She kept secrets of who she talked to, who she knew, who she was seeing, ect. She lied straight up about so many things.

Again... I feel so fucking stupid for staying around so long. Whenever I tried to leave she would guilt trip me so badly. Turn it around on me. She would deny everything when I brought it up. Even though I told her "Look, I'm going to be ok if you want to be with someone new. You don't have to worry about me." she would deny it and then tell all her friends I was manipulative and forcing her to stay.

Oi vey, I've gotta get my shit together. I love 'em but its eating all of my time and while I have a -little- more time this shit is eating at me!

I gotta refocus, and bunker down on what -I- need to do. Despite how much I may love, and that goddamn I really am deprived of sexual release. But realizing the issue is the first step right?

Already changed the situation with one. Still dunno what I'll do to rein the other one in, but looks like her own wrecked schedule is doing a good bit of the work for me. No more late night chats will probably be a good thing, if I can get an agreement to that.

Fuckin hell, none of this is hardly even REAL! I cannot fathom how people can actually find the time to hold multiple relationships, cheating or otherwise.

>this is a really fuckin weird post inhindsight
Ah well, got it out of me. Thanks /adv/

>>17685049
finally...

It's basically she has been living two lives. One where she has been an incredibly loyal, loving, dedicated woman to me that loves everything about me and constantly praises me.

The other is a whore that fucks everyone around her, hates me, talks shit about me, and makes fun of me constantly to her "friends". These very friends that she makes fun of to me and belittles.

It's amazing. Shes two faced beyond belief. I am the only one that sees the loving woman with strong traditional morals that talks about how she could NEVER cheat. The other is what her close friends see other than me... a whore, a cheater, someone that sees nothing wrong with spreading her legs and letting strangers cum inside her.

I actually am getting tested for STDs now. I haven't had sex with her in a long time but she had been like this from the very beginning. It's...absolutely bewildering.

she said to me forget what you thought cause good girls are bad girls that havent been caught.

I promised myself I'd never fall in love with someone I have no realistic chance to be with. I kept my word for 4 years. It happened again. Feels like shit and it's eating me up. I can't help but put her on a pedestal even though she's so cold and distant. She wants nothing to do with me. I'd do anything to have her, but I know how fucked up this mentality is. I put it behind me, and I kept it there for years. I've relapsed.

Had a 5 month dryspell so I went to see an escort. She was a 8/10 on pictures, with a price to match. Looked nothing like that in person. She was a bit chubby and her face was ugly. Still fucked her. Based on her address I thought the place will be alright at least. Turns out, it's a small flat with nothing but a small bathroom and a bedroom. My hands were cold so I kept fucking around with the gate. Some dude came up to me in less than 30 seconds and aggressively asked if I'm having some problems.

I wanted good sex with a "cultured" escort. I'm fine with that.
I ended up fucking a ho in a makeshift brothel with her pimp most likely standing by the door. I'm not fine with that.

When I came home I realized how broken I am. I looked at my weekend as objectively as possible: I went out on friday, had aspirine + beer for breakfast on saturday, went out again, and went to see a low-life hooker on sunday. 2 out of 3 days spent drunk, the remaining 1 I was ramming a ho. My money's running short and I can't keep my head above the water by writing anymore. Hell, I barely managed when I had relative success. I need to work on something big and publish it. I fear I can't write like that anymore.
I've become the stereotypical hedonistic, fallen European (has-been/wannabe) writer, with no stability in my life. My life is a wreck from an outsider's perspective, and I can see it now. I agree with it. I used to envy people who went on like this, but I can't do it anymore. It's destructive. It's not what I I need love, I need money, I need inspiration.

I think I saw her today, but she was talking on the phone.

But she kinda looked at me, and almost seemed to have a bit of a smile.

So I think we're over and I don't really know how I feel.

Fuck you, bitch. After 2 years of me really fucking the weight of everything you leave, even with everyone telling me your family wasn't worth being with you YOU fucking say you're tired and can't deal with shit. Fuck off you never did shit.
Good fucking luck finding someone that'll deal with you after the first fuck. See you in 20 years when you'll be a short ball of fat with tits sagging to the floor just like your mother.

>>17684409
I wish I could hug you, I went through the same thing

>>17685430

Yeah, I'm devastated.

>>17678708
I'm wasting all the oppurtunities I have been giving in life and rather than fix them I just think about how im wasting them

Or it was the porn we just looked at

read his journal, found out he hates me. i want to move out so bad but even working 2 jobs i dont have the money.
contemplating suicide for getting back together with someone i knew wasnt sincere and now being trapped.

I was approached by a lady in a park and she said this is going to sound weird but I was wondering if you were from around here and I said yes. She's looking for friends for her daughter, and i don't know if I'll even end up being friends with her. It's nothing like personal, I'm just the kind that will meet someone and see if it clicks first. I want to help find some kids that will adopt her in. Goddammit I always end up in these situations. Is my idea acceptable? I'm not trying to be a bitch or anything

>>17685706
You're making something your problem that isn't your problem

>>17685746
True, I have that "try to help" thing and that's why I feel awkward. I know a few people that may become friends with her, she's homeschooled so she doesn't get out much.

I have a friend on facebook that thinks we're good friends.
But I only keep him on facebook because his egocentric, autistic and stupid posts makes me laugh so damn hard.
I hate him so much but reading his posts makes me feel like I have somewhat succeeded in life.

>>17685754
You're making a mistake, good luck

>>17685678
>read his journal, found out he hates me.
I'd hate someone who'd read my fucking journal too.

I wanna build a tinyhouse in the boonies with you

In the last few hours I've gone from having a crisis to being excited to wanting to die to having a bath to being excited.

>>17678708
I stopped talking to my 2 only friends on steam half a year ago.
I ignored all my classmates in high school even though they were cool people and asked me to hang out.
I also ignore all my classmates in my last college.
A foreign girl asked me about my country, but I was too anxious to talk to her.
I did not go out today with a friend who asked me to join.
Professor thinks highly of me, my parents think I'm doing real good and going places, but really I just want to do drugs and die.

>>17685948
You sound like someone who recently abandoned me on steam but in August

>>17685845
Same

GO TELL YOUR FAIRY TALES TO YOUR MOTHER BITCH SUCK A DICK AND FUCK YOU

File: IMG_2149.jpg (440KB, 800x800px)

440KB, 800x800px

PAY ATTENTION TO ME! I WANT TO GET TO KNOW YOU, I WANNA BE WITH YOU! I OFFER YOU HELP BECAUSE I CARE ABOUT YOU GODDAMMIT. YOU ARE THE ONLY BOY THAT HAS TAKEN MY BREATH AWAY!

I feel completely crushed and alone right now. My friends are mostly weird introvert types so none of them can offer any support.

We said how we were soul mates and how weird it was for us to get back in touch and now we're nothing and I don't know if anyone will love me again.

Can't really see myself keeping with this whole "friends" thing. Can't really see myself holding back the tears for long either.

What's the fucking point?

No advice needed, just a rant~
A year ago my mom decided to go on medical and just collect SSI. However they refused, and we're now a year into waiting for the courts to set the date for our whole situation. Long story, not the point. I'm one of three children helping her out, as she literally has no money coming in. If she'd go back to work, our case would be withdrawn and we'd be back at square one. Out of the three, I'm providing the most, roughly $800+ a month, just for bills and groceries. My older sister is unemployed with three kids and barely staying afloat thanks to a deadbeat husband. She's been trying for months to get a job, with no call backs after interviews, and once she does, it's divorce time. My younger brother moved out and complains about how hard it is for him to help out, when he only covers the cell phone bill at $180/ month.

I am tired of all of it. I'm 28 and living with my mom because i just can't afford to move out. There are days where all I want is to say I'm done helping and just get away, but i know that doing so would end in my mother's suicide. She has no one but us kids, and it's a saddening thought.

A letter we got from SSI two weeks ago made me hopeful that the court date will be soon. It make me hopeful that by March I can LIVE MY LIFE. But it's hard waiting like that. It's hard to tell me friend and girlfriend that 'hey I can't do anything cause I'm just broke'. It's hard to look at my girlfriend and say 'we won't be getting married for at least 3 more years'. I feel trapped and utterly downtrodden. I tell myself to just hold on, it'll all be better, but some days, I don't believe it.

End rant, good bye.

Some dumb bitch that everyone likes is ghosting me, I want to tell her to go fuck herself or something but I will probably be in trouble with my friends and family if I do.

>>17678708
I like playing with my poop after I take a dump and putting it in my mouth. It's this odd fetish I have that I developed in Middle School.

I'm a horrible person and the guilt will haunt me forever. There aren't better ways of making money - I'll get $5000 for a week. I'm flying to England and my boyfriend and family don't know. I hate life. I hate myself. I wish things would work itself out for once.

>>17679803
don't drop...I did, I sort of regret it and sort of don't..
first try talking to a psychologist at your school
try blocking sites that distract you from studying
buy or see if you can record your professors lectures-ask for permission?

if you decide to drop out look into vocation or training options for working.

Good luck, anon

>>17680257
what do you mean by petty interests?
not everyone's interest are petty, don't worry too much about it--at least you have interests, right?

I believe I am schizophrenic but I am refusing to tell anyone or get tested because I like my guns, shooting, and I want a job in law enforcement.

It isn't anything severe but I beleive that everyone knows everything that I do. Kinda like the Truman show but I'm not interesting enough. Somehow, people know things about me or stories that I have never told them. Its also stories that I would have never mentioned before then... They just know

Dude, what? So you're allowed to purchase shit which can cost anywhere between 10x-50x the price of the things I like to collect, things that you literally never fucking touch and forget about, but you don't want me to buy things that I use constantly with my own money? What the fuck?

Lately, the only things that make me feel alive is writing, singing, and my little sister.

Deleted all of my contacts and am barely talking to anyone due to depressive fits and just being tired of taking everyone down with me.

I want to sing in public so very badly but dont even have the confidence to get the hell out of this town by myself. ..

>>17686350
Watch Filth with James McAvoy, and it may inspire to take your mental health more seriously if you're considering law enforcement.

It's also a great movie.

I hope I don't start hallucinating again when I move in with my roommates next year. It's only happened twice, years ago, and while I was tired, but it's still a little worrisome. Maybe I should have gone to the doctor about this shit when it was happening.

Okay I dont know if you're this oblivious or just doing it on purpose....but look now we have a date on friday. Lets see if the "boy" gets in our way, and if you flake out on me, well I know where I stand. If you don't flake out on me then I will take it from there

>>17686350
You're mistaking schizophrenia for your own insecurities.

I didn't write an essay that was due last week because I was too depressed/anxious/yadda yadda. We had to hand it in after lecture in person, there was a huge stack of papers because there are hundreds of people in the class. I figured I would hand it in a little late and take the penalty but then too much time went by... so today in seminar my TA said he didn't have my paper and I acted really surprised cause whaaaaat I totally turned it in! He was like "oh okay, mistakes happen and things get misplaced sometimes, can you email it to me tonight?" and I said yeah yeah of course, it's already written so no problem, I can turn it in twice. So I'm writing it now and won't get a late penalty, whoo! Not the first time I've pulled the "oh no it got lost?? what a crazy world!" for papers I've had to hand in physically to avoid a late penalty. I'm a good student and never pull it twice in one class so I've always gotten away with it. Anyway. Please pray for me, I hate this assignment and I hate the crippling anxiety I experience over assignments that should be no problem. :))))


Also whaddup J, English is your second language and sometimes you say things in an odd manner or the meaning is kind of ambiguous. Halfway through hanging out together on Friday I wondered if you thought we were on a date. You have been super duper platonic with me, no flirtation, no nothing, and even discussed the lingering feelings you have for your ex the first time we hung out, so I really didn't suspect. Anyway it wasn't a date and I'm pretty gay. I'll show up in a full body rainbow spandex suit next time.

I need to make an appointment with my therapist but I'm anxious about going again after a several month long break. I just need to get over myself and make the phone call. Seeing my therapist even once would be tremendously helpful. But the longer I don't go, the harder it is to return. Just gotta force myself to make the appointment, no biggie.

you know what, I'm a cold asshole. frankly, I don't see a problem because being anything but has never done me well.

fuck all of everyone's tiresome, predictable, petty, stupid bullshit. I got distracted for a few days with this bullshit from my heart, but it's been recognized as some cringy, fucked off, bullshit now. back to what I was doing. I've got a year to bring in 300k, no distractions, anything that isn't real can fuck off.

it's getting real annoying that this keeps biting me in the ass and distracting me when there's nothing to it.

I want to die but it's a lot of work.