Cynicism, relationships, etc.

>>17678520
Don't base your idea of relationship on what other people tell you about relationships.
People usually talk about their relationships just when they're going bad - people talk to others just to vent after an argument, seek for advice just when things are going shit, etc.
A lot of people enter a sort of vicious cycle when it comes to love - they're so jaded and cynical about relationships that they systematically ruin every relationship they get it, getting more and more jaded and cynical. I feel like everyone's so worried about being in the 50% of marriages that end up in divorce that they don't put effort in the relationship, because "it's not going to last anyway". Which will, inevitably, make them a shitty partner and make the relationship end.
If your relationship is going well and everything seems perfect, you have no reason to believe that it will go badly.

Other that this, you have to realise that every relationship is a bet and you're inevitably going to lose it.
When you love someone you're basically giving them the possibility to hurt you. It's a part of the deal: if someone is close to you enough to bring you happiness, they're close enough to make you unhappy.
Over time, everyone will disappoint you. It happens. Even if they care, even if they put a shitton of effort, even if they truly love you and want just the best for you, they'll do some stupid shit and hurt you. I will suck. You will feel like shit. But you should forgive them, and move on.
Of course - Make sure they didn't do voluntarily (for example, don't forgive a cheater), that they're willing to fix their mistake and they're genuinely sorry. I shouldn't even say this, heh.
Don't take it as if it is the proof that they're unworthy of love, or that love isn't worth the effort. Everyone makes mistakes.

It seems like this girl really loves you and you love her back. Don't throw it away because you're too scared to make it work.

>>17678520

I know that feel man, just got out of a 3.5 year relationship because she cheated on me (kissed and cuddled with a guy friend of hers under the influence), she was in deep regret about it and it fucked her up, but both of us knew we couldn't continue at this point, we're just too damaged. Things were literally perfect prior, and she admits this, it was a momentary lapse and the pressures and constraints of a long term relationship just got to her.

We were incredibly in love, had a relationship similar to yours, one you think could last a life-time. I've felt that cynicism you talk about too, I think at an age under 25 it's nearly impossible to make a relationship last, doesn't matter how happy you are or who you are with, you start to feel trapped and like you're missing out on your 20's.

My advice is to keep a healthy level of cynicism and trust your gut instincts. Try to trust you partner unless they give you reason not to, but also don't be afraid to question things that don't sound right like any kind of inappropriate or shady behaviour, anything that makes you uncomfortable. I think protecting yourself somewhat and putting on a confident front is the safest bet until marriage, I know it eats away at you sometimes but you just have to believe in your relationship and make sure you both respect and understand each other.

>>17678590

Also to add to this, love does fade, but not in the way you think, after 1-2 years you are pretty much at maximum comfortability with each other meaning no real excitement or spontaneity but thats just what happens, this is where a lot of relationships end because people will miss having the rush and butterflies or the "spark" they once had, mature people understand their love has just blossomed into something more comfortable and realistic.

>>17678569
This was great, thanks. I feel sometimes that deep-down I'm undeserving of love, maybe. Perhaps this has something to do with my cynicism, too. My parents have a terrible relationship, too, so they're not exactly good models. Agreed on the cheating, though, man. If she cheat I'm done, no contact for life otherwise it'll kill me. Thanks, anon.

>>17678590
Fuck, man. We're both 22 and reading that under-25 thing is my worry. She was a virgin when I met her, though. In fact, she thought she was asexual before she met me. so maybe the yearning for "exploration" won't hit her. Our sex life is amazing, too, literally. Don't want to sound cocky, but she's more than satisfied in bed, so perhaps she won't get this yearning of wasting our 20s. We're pretty free-sprited for a couple, too. We still hang with our friends a lot, do spontaneous shit, travel, etc. In fact, I feel more free with her than I did alone.

You've pinned my anxiety down though, man, god damn. Sorry to hear about your ex, anon. At leasy you're one step closer to finding the right girl for you and you'll always have the good memories.

>>17678622
I'm >>17678569.
I don't know if it reassures you, but I'm going to post anyway.
I've been with the same guy since I was 15 or something, I'm turning 25 soon.
It was rough at times, not going to lie. I thought about breaking up, and I thought about slapping his face, I even attempted to dump him once (and failed miserably).
I am still happy when I see him after a work day, I still feel the spark when we make out. Yesterday he came home from a weekend away with his friends and I run and hugged him for 2 minutes when he arrived home - I missed him as if we spent 6 months apart. I still giggle and smile all the time we're around.
Sure, our relationship changed TONS. But we're happy, we love each other, we still lust after each other and we're still in love. It's not like the first times, but it's better than it was.
Overall I think it was worth it to go through the rough times to get this.
I've never cheated, I don't think he did either. We lost our virginity to each other and while sometimes I wonder what my life would have been if I didn't meet him (and I am sure he does too), it's never because of some weird need of dick and I don't feel like I've wasted anything. Really. Not even a single day.
I would fucking high five 15 year old me for choosing him. It was great this far.

>>17678622

Yeah man our sex life was amazing too, she always talked about it anytime we had sex, that wasn't really the issue, I think it's more the being with the same person for a long long time when you're young and everyone around you is partying and hooking up. People don't want to settle down early and have regrets later in life. I don't want to scare you or anything but you should bring up your concerns with her, she might be able to ease your mind with how she feels about you. Like I said though just be wary, there's no harm in guarding your heart a little bit, but give it all you have and love her with everything you got. Even though me and my ex broke up I still love and care for her and don't regret anything about us, I forgive her for what she did I just know we can't move past it as a couple.

>>17678590
>it was a momentary lapse and the pressures and constraints of a long term relationship just got to her
that is not a momentary lapse but a girl that was miserable and took an opportunity to get physical with another guy to make her feel better. Stop lying to yourself but am glad you broke up and hope you have moved on.

>>17678631

That's a beautiful story, congrats on making it this far. I'm >>17678590 and I feel like what you explained is exactly how we were together, I think when people are truly in love and there are no glaring obvious issues with the relationship then this is quite normal behaviour. There was just the one bad decision made by her that fucked everything up.

>>17678648
Every time I've seen someone cheating it was always because things were going bad in their relationship and they felt neglected, unloved, or just were unhappy. And it always was because the people in the relationship were poor communicators and couldn't discuss about it.
I think of cheating as a symptom more than as an issue itself.
We did have problems, we still do sometimes (I have been through an exceptionally rough moment over these years, he did too) but what comes to my mind when I don't feel good with him is "I need to work this out with him", not "Well, whatever, going to get my happiness somewhere else".
I don't now, maybe I'm making assumptions.

>>17678637

It's easy to assume things like that, but I spent 3.5 years with the girl I knew her better then she knew herself. Things aren't always that black and white and even though we couldn't move forward after what happened I can still understand why it could have possibly happened. If I was in a similar situation to her I can understand how the situation could arise and the temptation be there, people fuck up and make mistakes, she has suffered the consequences and regrets her actions completely.

>>17678666

That's a stereotype, people are flawed and give in to temptation, even in beautiful loving relationships. It was her fault for putting herself in that situation and allowing it to happen, she didn't have sex but it was enough to warrant a break up. If you look at cheating statistics it happens in 60% or more of relationships, I can guarantee a lot of those had no obvious faults and one person just fucked up. Being in a relationship doesn't stop you from feeling attraction to others, it just takes the right situation and "moment" with a dulled sense of inhibition to create a terrible mistake.

I'm not excusing the behaviour, it is why we broke up but I can understand it as human error rather then her being in a shitty relationship, monogomy can be hard even in the best of relationships.

>>17678520
Are you me?

I dont mean to threadjack but I'm in a similar situation.

We started dating when we were 16. It's been 4 great years and I love her very much. She's incredibly smart and caring and kind and I've got absolutely no reason to be dissatisfied. I just... am.

Part of me keeps saying "you got together when you were 16. How the fuck could this last?"

I also feel like I'm missing out, like >>17678590
refers to. But on the flip side, what if I end things for the sake of "experiencing my 20s" and regret it for the rest of my life. I mean, she truly is a wonderful person. Additionally, how the fuck do you break up with someone for the sake of "getting out there and experiencing the world".

Wouldnt it break your fucking heart if someone dumped you for that reason? I can see it now: "Everythings great but I'm just too boring for you?"