Can someone tell me what exactly is meant by the phrase "real

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>>17678496

Hi, OP.

No...but also yes.

Masculinity is a bitch to define, it's been warped to hell and back in the last 40 years, vilified by one end of the political spectrum, turned into a get-out-of-jail-free card for certain parts of the others. It doesn't help that historians has torn many of our examples of virtue down from their pedestals.

In short, it's not as easy to pin down as it used to be, but in this case, he means masculinity as "not shunning away from confronting a situation even though it can turn nasty". He is insulted that you were not willing to say your goodbyes to his face.

To me being a "real man" has to do with the principals that a guy holds and if he does the honorable thing. You took a coward's way out by telling someone off through text and not even being able to withstand confrontation through text. You didn't give your once friend the respect to end your friendship like an adult and took the route that a teenage girl would

>>17678587
I see, thank you for the explanation, though I still don't see why I need to see him in person. I'd prefer to avoid confrontation/violence wherever possible, especially if it would only serve to further cement what we already know, in this case that the friendship is over.
>>17678601
You make an interesting and valid point too. In my defense I never said anything to him that was threatening or abusive, though I suppose that doesn't justify anything. So in this case is the "manly" thing to do to meet him in person, talk it out, even when tempers could be lost and blows could be exchanged? I've never been manly in the way most people in the West would consider manly, and truth be told I'm terrified of getting into a fight. As I said in the OP I'm not very socially aware either.

>>17678496
A real man is whatever you define it to be. Conforming to other people's idea of what a "real man" is is not being a real man at all.

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>>17678616
I think, to properly answer that, we need to know more about the present situation. About your friendship, and why you're quitting it. Also about what you wrote. If you're socially retarded, it could be that you were insulting without meaning to.

>>17678653
It's childish really. Lots of backstabbing and shit-talking behind other friends' backs, high-school sort of stuff even though we're in our 20s. We collectively turned our backs on one friend when he was going through a rough time and I allowed him to freely insult another friend multiple times without intervening, the friend being insulted even considered me his closest friend. I feel ridiculous and ashamed to have been a part of it and I told him how I honestly felt. I guess he feels betrayed or insulted by it, especially since I didn't allow him a chance to retort. I don't want to be friends with liars and snakes and backstabbers anymore. I realize I and this whole thread probably seem childish to people.

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>>17678671
Not that childish. These are quite serious claims, and I, too, would have been insulted if I never got the chance to defend myself.

Now, this is not what you asked for, but it sounds to me that you're not so much quitting a friendship as trying to remove your own guilt by mutually punishing both of you. The, ahem. MANLY thing to do would be to suggest you should reach out to the people you've been shitty to,

>Bro, do you ever feel guilty about the fact that we've been a horrible pair of dicks to mr. x and sir y? X needed us, could we have done something differently.

I don't know. Maybe this is all you could do at this time. But, you pick some evasive words here:

>We collectively turned our backs
>I allowed him
> I don't want to be friends with liars and snakes and backstabbers anymore
What I'm hearing is: "I don't want to BE a liar and a snake and a backstabber anymore, but I keep becoming that person when I am with this friend. (I might be off, but it's what I hear.)

That could be true, but you're also, in a way, not taking the blame yourself here.

Speaking up instead of being lead is tough, and it needs to be practiced. Like I said, maybe this is all you can do now. But, my experience tells me that removing yourself from situations where you're not your best is not always the best way to become a better person.

>>17678671
You should apologize to your friends if you are sincere.

>>17678738
I think I see, I have brought up how we treated the other guys to him, but he always tried to find ways to justify our actions - saying that the other friend was distant too and did his own share of rude/dick things. He's not exactly wrong, but completely abandoning a friend with no contact isn't right. What do you think is the best course of action? You're right in that I'm not the kind of person I want to be when I'm around this guy, and I honestly only see myself being negatively impacted by continuing the friendship.
>>17678760
I plan to see one in person to apologise properly when I can, the other actually contacted me recently to try and touch base again which is what caused my whole situation to begin with. He lives three hours away now but I gave him my number, so I hope at some point I can rectify everything.

Dude who the hell cares if he thinks you're a real man or not? You ended the friendship so in essence this guy won't be in your life anymore, so his opinion doesn't matter. He's obviously butthurt about it and has some pent up aggression or things to get off his chest. That's why he's seeking a confrontation because he isn't man enough to deal with his emotions and feelings without a confrontation. People like that are mostly very childish and will say trigger words to keep you engaged in a conversation/confrontation. You did the right thing by telling him how you felt and moving on. If you really think he's not worth being friends with, then it is your decision to make. You are not obligated to explain or maintain a friendship you don't want. If he's insecure about himself and doesn't know how to handle it, that's his problem. A real man wouldn't seek a confrontation, he would try to understand where the other person is coming from and treat them with respect and dignity afterwards. It's your life in the end, you don't have to bow down to anyone or conform to someone else's definition of a "real man".

Confrontation has saved more of my friendships than not. I've had falling outs with friends, big ones. However, we respected each other enough to get our peace out in the open, face to face, and at the end of the day it saved us. And these are the dudes I consider my best friends now, I'd stand in traffic for them.

Basically, you're not a pussy because you didn't yell and scream, you're a pussy because you copped out of something that is worth confronting, and denied your friend any sort of respite. There is a big difference between pointless confrontation and necessary confrontation, a real man should recognize both.