Anon gives you love advices

How do I get over him? It's been 5 years and we dated in high school. I feel pretty pathetic and it's keeping me from enjoying life. I've done all the usual advice
>Get fit
>Make friends
>Get a hobby
None of it has helped, I still feel so bitter and salty about our break up and I feel like I'll never date again because I'm so hung up on it.

>>17677452
>5 years

damn son im on my 2nd, does the ride really never end?

>>17677452
Mmh that's a field I have less experience in.

Did you try dating again? Did you have sex since you broke up? These two things were the ones that really healed me up when I was at my worst.

Are you in good terms with him? This is something that can eat you up. If you can, try to contact him and make peace. Let the past in the past. You can only win:
Option A) He agrees on peace and you can both leave with a smile
Option B) He's having non of it. Then you can say you did everything you could and he's the one in the wrong after all.
Be careful though, maybe try to avoid talking about his present relationship situation. This might sting a bit more.

Not there ain't a 1000 options to get over a breakup. Anons listed them. I think you did them, but didn't do them well. Normally, a good hobby, something that truly PASSIONATE you will eat your mind, getting you to focus on something else, even completely moving on. Same thing with friends/love interests. Maybe you didn't find what was for you, and that's why you hold on the past, where you were maybe "happier".

Hope this may heal you a bit, may you find peace.

Update: two sips in

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>>17677465
>I want to get off Mr. Bones Wild Ride.
Idk, I'll let you know when it does. Unfortunately what I can see happening is you get sucked into a never ending loop eventually. You get so desperate to move on/rebound thinking it'll help. But everyone can see that desperation and nobody wants a desperate person.
Can't move on because I'm desperate, I'm desperate because I can't move on, can't move on because I'm desperate, etc.

>>17677422
How do I trust women again?

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>>17677422
How the fuck do you talk one on one to girls without having a fucking internal panic attack. I am given the curse of being somewhat attractive but I cannot socialize for shit.

My crush got engaged today. What's the least painful way to kill myself?

>>17677487
Son this is vague and I'm no medium.

Surely you've been hurt in the past, maybe multiple times.

One way to do it. You need to open up to a woman, learn how to trust. You'll find a good one, a keeper. Then you will learn how to trust again.
If you were hurt a single time, man shit happens, don't let it get you down.
If it happened multiple times, try to see a pattern. Who were these women? How did they hurt you? Maybe you need to date different kind of woman, maybe more emotionally stable ones. For example, you dated only metalheads girls (picking this out of the blue). They cheated. Stereotypes exist for a reason. Try to get to know women through different interests, hobbies and fields. You following me?

Hope this is clear, hope you learn how to trust again and find happiness.

Update: 3 sips in.

>>17677485
>Try dating
Yes and no, I've tried putting myself back out there in multiple forms, but because of reasons I listed here >>17677486 I never got any bites. It becomes pretty obvious pretty fast that I have hang ups when you start talking to me, and it sends people packing. Can't really get out in the dating world for real until I can move past him.
>Sex
I'm a virgin, and I'm not really into casual sex to begin with but I certainly do not want my first to be some random ass dude I picked up from the bar that I've known for all of 40 minutes.
>Good terms
No, he fucked me up real good in the break up, and I made myself hate him to cope. In reality, I know he wasn't the demon I made him up to be at the time, but he wasn't a real good person either. But I know even his bad sides were more due to immaturity of being a teenager and lack of experience.
Theres absolute zero chance we'd ever get back together, I wouldn't even want that. But I haven't spoken to him since. Sometimes I feel like I want some closure, since I don't think he even really knows just how much he fucking destroyed me. But at the same time I don't entirely think it's his fault to begin with, and I can't think of anything more absolutely batshit insane than your ex you had when you were 15 contacting you after 5 years of radio silence just to tell you how you ruined her life.

In all honesty, I do feel like if I could just rebound I would be able to move past him. But I have an incredibly hard time getting anyone to stick around long enough to possibly be considered a bf since I just radiate crazy. Recently I managed to pull 2 dudes out of complete nowhere, but I just have zero interest in either. I tried to force myself to like the first one, but I felt like I was leading him on since I just was not feeling any connection whatsoever. Like we had nothing in common really.

>>17677489
Ayy know the feel bro. First, try to meet girls with common hobbies/point. For example, I find talking to girls from work or school way easier than total strangers. Gives you something to talk about: last class, asshole colleague, etc. If you play your cards right, look at her in the eyes, crack a few jokes, keep the discussion interesting and going, you'll get her. You're attractive boy, that's a huge step forward for you, don't forget that.

>>17677493
Bro, it's no reason to end it. You'll find another girl. Don't hold onto the past. Maybe you weren't in love with her, but the idea you had of her. Happened to me in the past, when I realised that and saw how miserable I'd have been with her, moved on pretty fast.
Don't end it son, you'll hurt so many people around you.

Update: 4 sips in, nearly half drank

>>17677508
Okay holding sex back is okay, have your first time with someone you love.

You need closure on this. But don't contact him to let him know how miserable he made you feel. You need to make peace with him in your mind first, then in person. You're in the right way. He was immature, maybe it wasn't his fault, or maybe it was. You were hurt, that's bad. But you are holding onto this pain like you life depends on it.
You don't have to forgive him for it, but that could help. Try to understand his point of view, why he did what he did. If you can understand him, it's the first step toward recovery.
Now maybe there's nothing to understand, he did cuz he's made that way. Then try to see things like this: he's what he is, you're what you are. He did it because he works that way. You can hate the pain it brought you, but try to not hate him for what he is.

This is disorganised as shit, I'm sorry for that. Bottom line, you need to make peace with him first in your head, then in person. If you contact him, you need to do it in a friendly way.
"Hey, been a while. Look, I don't know if it hurt you the way it did to me, but I wanna say to you I'm ready to make peace with all of that. With you. No need to be friend, just feeling I need to say this to you for my own good."
This is what should come out of your mouth when you reach that point. Nothing else.

It's not something I've experienced at lot, so honestly I'm kinda shooting in the dark here. I've had trouble coping up with past breakups, but I never had trouble coping up with the shit my exes did to me.

Obvious question, tried consulting? These psy can do wonders in the mess that's in your head, know what I'm talking about.

Update: 5 sips in. Drinking one shot after every answer basically.

Moosehead OP here.

Re-reading my posts, I feel like a lot of my shit is disorganised and not understandable at all. Trying to type these as fast as I can so the thread doesn't get 404'd before I finish my beer. If I say something and you're going full wtf mode, tell me I'll try to be clearer.

Hope I could help some of you. I'm not doctor, but I love helping people and I have experience I'm always willing to share. Sometimes an exterior outlook can be the best.

Update: halfway there

>>17677514
Thanks dude. Is it strange that I find talking to girls that I know much harder than total strangers. With strangers I know that if I fuck up then there is a good chance I will never see them again. With people that I know I am afraid that if I mess up not only will I screw up my relationship with them, but on top of that ruin any chances with people that they are friends with.

As for finding people with the same hobbies, I mean I play guitar a little bit. I'm not good (in my eyes at least) and no one fucking knows about it except my family and some close friends. Apart from that everyone knows me as the guy who is a history buff and that's about it.

I am fluent in another language, not sure if that's any help.

>>17677568
Dunno if you're at school or working, but getting in a group may be easier? You can just add to the topic without bringing a lot of attention to yourself. Merely cracking jokes might get you some looks for the girls.

And what's wrong with talking to strangers? I mean if that's your thing, go for it man. You have a wonderful opportunity to always meet new people, something I don't have.
Hang in a bar, when you see a group of cool people, take your beer and try to fit in "Hey sorry, don't want to disturb you, heard you talking about X and picked my curiosity". If you're attractive, nothing more is needed dude.
You're a history buff = good. Culture is important. Have something to talk about. But don't go all autistic and give all the details about the reign of King Dicktor III of Myassopolia unless asked about it. Keep your shit basic, put just enough to show the girls you know stuff. Knowledge is attractive.

Update: 6 or 7 sips in, lost count already.

Ive been seeing a guy and it seems very much like a sex with benefits thing. Though we like grab dinner, then usually watch stuff at his place and have sex.

My question is, I really have no idea how to read him. We have good conversations at dinner, and the sex is really good and very, idk passionate?? But then after sex/the next morning he barely talks to me at all. He seems aloof, distant. We dont kiss or hug, and I just walk out the door.

What does this read like to you?

>>17677593
Fuck friend, nothing more and never will be anything else. Sex may be good, but if that's your only common point, how do you want to build something?
Advice, get more distant or do the sex and leave the feelings outside the bedroom. But you have to be a Shao-lin monk for the second option, I don't think you should go in that direction,

Following part is just my two cents, but I think friends with benefits ALWAYS end bad for someone. Surely someone will develop something and shit will it the fan. You should stay away from them, but I mean sex is sex. I'm the first one to sign it if I get the occasion even after what I wrote.

Update: 8 sips in, need to take a piss. Brb.

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Been talking to my girl for a year, formally started dating her a couple months ago.

She's great and I think I love her but the issue is she lives far away (we were close by when we first started talking) and I kinda used to be a bit of a man whore before I started dating her. I value relationships and tell her I would never cheat on her, but I kept tinder on my phone cause I sometimes use it when I'm bored once or twice a month (she says she does the same).

Usually I never talk to girls, especially since we started dating but one very attractive girl super liked me so I decided to talk to her some because I was feeling vulnerable after some really shitty stuff happened at work and having like the worst couple days of my life. We kinda hit it off and she ended up sending me nudes and has an absolutely incredible body (better than gf's).

So now I'm kinda trying to rationalize cheating on my gf, but at the same time I know it's a terrible thing. I know I shouldn't but this would potentially be the most attractive girl I've ever been with, and she's into a lot of my interests. I wouldn't want to be in a legitimate relationship with her, but I wouldn't mind a purely physical casual sexual relationship with her.

Should I just cut contact and wait to see my gf in a month?

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Please help OP, so I posted this in another thread, but it looks like I'm not going to get a reply so I'll give it a try here. I started dating this girl about 4 months ago. She's really great for me in a lot of ways and I genuinely like her as a person. we usually have a great time together, but at times her insecurity comes out and she can be really controlling. For example objecting to me staying over with friends and getting extremely offended when I dispute her advice on things, even giving me ultimatums and trying to control my decisions for important things that she has no right to involve herself in (work related and finance related). I know it comes from a place of insecurity for her because she isn't college educated and is pretty flat-chested/been cheated on before. This has only really been a problem 3 times, because usually I manage to deflect it with humor, but how do I shut this down once and for all?

>>17677603
What do you value more? Your relationship or sex? Dude you can't "think you love her". You love her. Period. And seeing how you're talking, that's not the case. You like her, you don't want to hurt her, but you don't love her. Been there.
See it that way: if I'm right, right now you're lying to yourself and to her. Longer you'll wait, more you'll hurt her.
Find a woman you will love, not like. Until then fuck Tinder Sluts. You probably wouldn't even have hit up with the second girl if you truly loved the first one.
So yeah, I'd end it right there. Be honest. Tell her you really care about her, but that you don't love her. Also most important, man up and do it face to face.
After that fuck pussies man. One day you'll find the good one and you'll delete Tinder without looking back, just fucking quote me on that.

>>17677604
Dude, how do you possibly expect it to go better? She has issues she needs to work on. You can stay and try to help her with it. She needs to understand you're not her toy and she needs to love you the way you are or gtfo. Dealt with this before and didn't end well, so I'd bail out, but that's up to you.
I know you don't want to hurt her, but it'll get worse if she doesn't do shit about it, and you WILL suffer. There may come a time when you have to chose between you and her, and listen to me carefully here: it's okay to choose yourself over her. It's even the best thing you can do. Don't be ashamed of it.
Bottom line, you should gtfo. If you want to fight, stay and make her realise then help her. If it gets bad, bail out. Fast.

Update: 9 sips in and emptied my piss-sack.

OP here, loving the shit out of this. Really hope I could help you see some light.
I tend to be blunt sometimes. A good shakedown is often needed in love, because love blinds people and they can't see the obvious.
Keep em coming. Was thinking about popping open a second one, but I should go to sleep pretty soon. Maybe next time :)

>>17677422
None of the girls I know are single.
How do I get literally anything?
Also, since bi, how is gay flirting supposed to work?
How can get over my ex? We were best friends since we were little kids, they asked me out, and it crashed and burned. It was my first and last relationship, and nothing even happened. Why am I still fucked up over it?

>>17677629
is there a way that I could just show her who's boss once and for all?

>>17677641
That's a lot of questions mate.
>None of the girls I know are single.
Get to know more. Guess you aren't the social type. Stick to the work/school era, less stressful. But since you're bi that brings me to the next point:
>Also, since bi, how is gay flirting supposed to work?
I'm not gay, but I have a buddy who is and he told me about Grindr and gay dating. Gay dating is like the easiest thing. Get Grindr, hook up, go take a walk and have sex. As simple as that. If you want something more serious, now you better switch to girls. Gays have better chance of finding casual sex, but less chance of getting a in serious relationship. Opposite for straights.
>How can get over my ex? We were best friends since we were little kids, they asked me out, and it crashed and burned. It was my first and last relationship, and nothing even happened. Why am I still fucked up over it?
First Imma refer you yo this post (and the one that follows). Already talked about this with an anonette, maybe you'll find something there.
>>17677485
>How do I get literally anything?
wat.jpg

>>17677642
Don't do that man, you'll just fuck her up. She needs to realise she's hurting you and you need to help her getting better or getting out. Don't contribute to the list of the assholes that fucked her up dude.
Be kind about it. It's probably hurting her too. If she doesn't want to get better or you're feeling it's becoming too much, then you bail out.
It's been 4 months, breakup will be way easier than in a year or two.
(Am I responding to the good anon?)

Update: Probably 2 sips left, 3 if I go slowly.

OP here.

Beer down. Won't open another one, need to catch some sleep.

Really liked this tonight, I'd love to do it again. Maybe if I have the time to do so, I'll do another one this week.

Hoped I could help you see some light. Feel free to come back at me telling me if I helped or not. Will read everything in the morning if it doesn't get 404'd.

Wish you peace and happiness. G'night.

>>17677452
>>17677465
I'm on year 8. And I never even dated her. Shit sucks.

Long distance relationships.

Are they hopeless? I started dating my girlfriend a few months ago (known her for like a year though) and love her but I'm about to move away to Hawaii for like 3 years (I'm a armyfag) and she's gonna finish college and pursue her career in NYC. We'll effectively be on the other side of the earth. She's really amazing though, cute, smart, and I was her first so I know I mean a lot to her and she means a lot to me. However, is our time apart too much to actually work? At best we'd be able to see each other for like a week at a time for 3-4 times a year. After that I'd still be working off my commitment somewhere besides NYC (maybe NC or GA) for another couple years though that's much more manageable.

We've talked about it but we seem to be hopeless romantics that think nothing bad will happen. I'd just like some outside input, maybe advice to make things work out

>>17677746
>armyfag
Well, maybe she should be with someone that won't selfishly abandon her for their own career that could get them killed for oil. She should be with someone that actually cares and is not a goddamned idiot.

>>17677746
OP Here, just woke up. One last answer just for you mate.

Long-distance relationship are hard. What scares me in your story is the fact that both of you been dating only for few months. I'm sure you sincerely love each other, but few months isn't a lot to build something strong.
My pops was on the road a lot. Never tore up the family because he and my mom had the time before that to build their trust and relationship. I don't think I lived with both my parents in the house at the same time for more than 4-5 years in my life, and they are still together and love each other. But they had time, something you don't have.
I know you can't break up just like that even though maybe it would be for the best. Try to stay with her and see how it goes. But keep in mind the odds are against both of you.
I don't know your girl, but a distance relationship like that creates opportunities for cheating. If you trust her, you should be fine.

Until your moving, get together and do stuff. Love each other. Build your trust and your relationship.

Also don't listen to this betafag
>>17677770