Relationship advice needed

(CONT 2/4)
This put us through kind of a rough patch but i promised her that I would be able to see her more as soon as I got my drivers license. The day came for my big test and I failed, just barely, but i failed.. this gave me one of the worst feelings, because I knew I would hardly be able to see her and our relationship would be effected. I didn't like to text her much at that point because we would end up arguing most of the time. I could tell she wasn't being emotionally fulfilled. Yet again she fell back into the arms of her ex boyfriend as he was giving her more attention than i was. This was strike number 3 I had given this girl all my trust and she broke it again, i was done, for good. well, summer went by and I decided to pay her a visit. I had no intentions of returning with her i just wanted to visit and catch up. As we walked down her road to the ol' train tracks we said few words, I could feel that there was a lot of tension between us. She then grabbed my hand and asked me if it was okay, I told her i was alright with it. She told me that she missed me and that she wanted to give me a hug, I agreed to a hug and thought nothing of it. As she put her arms around me I felt a rush of emotion come over me, as if all of that time we had been apart had been compressed into that one moment. She began to cry and I couldn't help but have a few tears rush down my face. I tried to push her away afterwards but I couldn't resist. We began to kiss and at that point I knew we were back together. After about a month i could tell this time the relationship felt different. I had felt myself reserving myself emotionally to some degree, whenever she would be sad or upset I would have an idgaf attitude. I did not want to give her 100% control over my emotions, till this day I hold the same refrainment form emotional involvment.

>>17671583
Break up the text for God's sake

And tell us your age. Not so we can take the piss, but if you're literally 16, then as much as you think this can work - it won't, and you'll move on

(CONT 3/4)
After having been dating her for another year, we had a lot of fun, i took her virginity and the sex kept us connected. But it was around this time where she became very jealous, i had more breaks juring school than her and would hang out with a couple friends (one of them happening to be female). We were both pretty introverted in general, so this really bothered her. We fought about this many times and eventually I got fed up, also next year was university and I didnt want to be single going in. Part of me knew when we got back together that I would be leaving her at this time. But it was at this time we made and agreement, once i get out of university, I will have time for her, and that 4 years later, if we were both single, we would get back together. September came and I had barely talked to her since, I had begun university and I was in a very happy state. I got involved with drugs, mostly weed and a little molly, I became a dealer and started making a good amount of money, this seemed to attract a few girls. I began a friends with benifits relationship with some hipster feminist we'll call her Karina and I actually disliked this woman. We had passion in bed but had nothing in common outside of it, she had tried to get me to date her but i remained emotionally distant, after fucking her for a few months I began communicating with my ex-grilfriend Cathy again (this was around christmas time). We began a very casual relationship, had some amazing sex but we didnt really connect like we had used to, I was smoking a lot of weed too, so I didn't really show much empathy. I had convinced myself that she was happy in this relationship despite various signs of her needing to talk to me more. I would sometimes go more than half a week without messaging her back or returning her calls, I was too busy doing drugs.

(CONT 4/4)
She eventually ended up falling for a new guy, and he made a move on her when she was drunk. We met, had a conversation, and broke up once more. After that i realised i had ruined my chances with her forever, I became dependant on weed, I smoked myself silly for about two years straight, I had a great time doing it, but ulimatly had to give it up, it was ruining me. I am now in my 4th year of university, I hadn't seen or talked to this woman for about 3 years. I have been sobor for the past 6 months and intend to mainain that pattern. I am clear headed now but i have trouble forming meaningful emotions, I have a very obscure view of the world as I am a red pilled /pol/ack. When I look at most women I feel like they will never understand my point of view. I haven't been trying to find a woman for a long time, I've kind of just put it off until later. This task seems very difficult because there are too many women that I cannot relate with. The odds of me finding someone compatable are narrow. Cathy recently messaged me and is interested in pursueing something again, I feel like we may be able to have something together again. What I want to know from you /adv/, Is it worth risking my emotional status to pursue this woman again, I feel like she may be my last chance at true love and i feel like she will conform to my views, but I'm also in my prime right now, and I could miss out on finding someone better. Falling for this woman again might entirely change the trajectory of the rest of my life. Should I give her a chance, form something meaningful, maybe even make babies with her? Or should i stear clear, find out how to find a new woman, and strive for something better?

>>17671586
im 21