ask a guy who just got ghosted out from a 2 year long relationship

>>17657716
Why?

And how does it feel to destroy someone mentally and emotionally?

>>17657738
im not the one who did it, i got ghosted.

and i feel like i can never trust someone ever again.

>>17657759
Oh god. im so sorry man. I know how it feels.

I know how it feels to get ghosted by those you love. It made me feel insecure about trust too. You're not alone op, do you want to talk about what exactly happened?

>>17657765
its strange, cause this summer was near perfect, and things were getting even better and better. Near the end she said she wanted to talk less, but told me not to worry/overthink it, and that everything else will stay the same. she even planned outings for us. She put alot of effort in reassuring that everything will be okay.

her last reply was "reading week is next week so we can maybe hangout"

and "its getting warm" on facebook.

reading week came. She was gone. after 2 weeks of no replies i gave up.

How can I recover and start trusting people again?

Even if i find another girl i like, i feel like what she did to me will haunt me forever. if anyone tells me not to worry at this point i will automatically worry.

>>17657787
how much detail do you want? I do want to

>>17657793
As much as you feel comfortable
>>17657788
I don't know how to tell you to recover. It's been almost 2 months, and I'm still a bit raw about it. But as time goes on, you start slowly healing.

>>17657788
Dude go to her house. Two years is no fucking joke.

>>17657716
well what happened to you is horrible. however there is something i dont understand. if you have been in a relationship with someone for two years, how can they ghost you, wouldent you know where they live by now? i mean if you know where they live, you could always confront them and ask them wtf is going on.

>>17657788
>reading week came. She was gone. after 2 weeks of no replies i gave up.
What? What is reading week? How do you know she's not in the hospital or something? This is an IRL relationship, right?

>>17657805
yeah it is but she studies 2 hours away from home. reading week is a week break from class. so she comes home. Well i see her on facebook everynow and then so if she was in the hospital and able to do that she should be able to reply

>>17657810
it doesent sound like she as ghosted you. you cant really ghost someone if its a real life relationship because you can confront you. what it sounds like she is doing is distancing herself from you because she is considering breaking up with you, either this or she is really busy.

>>17657788
>after 2 weeks of no replies i gave up
Let me get this straight. You're in a 2 year relationship with this girl, then you don't hear from her for up to 2 weeks, and you don't do anything to make sure she is okay? What's wrong with you? How old are you?

>>17657820
>>17657818
I did go over to her house, her parents answered and told me she wasnt there... twice. I asked them where she was and when she was coming back but all they said is "they dont know, out with friends".

>>17657828
well, you could always wait around for her, or contact friends. it would be a pain but its worth the effort if you want answers. tbf, it sounds like she is just busy. she has to be retarded if she thinks she can ghost someone in a real life relationship.

>>17657840
well considering shes away from home most of the year she might be able to pull it off if enough time passes.

but in any case ghosting after 2 years is awful.

>>17657840
This, go to her, somewhere.

I couldn't go to the people who ghosted me because they lived in far away states, but you have a chance, don't let that slip away.

>>17657840
can anyone really be busy enough not to reply to their significant others for 2 weeks tho?

i mean even close friends dont do that in my experience.

hell even aquaintances talk more.

I know there could be some legitimate reasons, but the chance that it is one of those are slim, and like op said, she had a week off from school, granted that doesnt automatically make her 100% free, but it should make her alot more free then when she is in school

>>17657798
well here it goes.
just to get it out of the way first, there have been weeks where she was distant, for a few weeks in january and again in march she barely talked to me. At this time however she was still texting me goodmorning and goodnight daily. Both those times i worried and things ended up fine.

Another thing to get out the way, I tend to worry alot, and overthink. She knows this well enough and puts up with it well despite it. I have been improving however slowly.

and yes i would make a small comment when she forgot to text goodmorning and daily, nothing big, i have been doing it less. however.

now keep in mind, shes away from home most of the year.
This summer things were great, all aspects of it. We hung out often, talked decently. From what i could tell, she was enjoying her time with me. No negative signs yet. Hell in july i asked if she wanted to watch a movie, and that 1 movie became 4 because she wanted to watch more with me. There was another one but it wasnt out yet at the time. Was planned for later. She even wanted to play a game we havent played in ages, i spent time and money setting up a server so we can both play, we ended up not playing that day because she had to go to class (she had summer classes).
Now were at the last week of july first week of august, she had finals to study and write. and right at the end of that i left on a week trip with family.
She got somewhat distant again when i came back but not to bad overall. Said she got into reading books and was binge reading. Second week after i came back from trip she forgot to text goodmorning, i asked her what happened that day/ i think i also said something about her ignoring me. she said she didnt ignore me and told me the reason. Then she hit me with it. Said she wanted to stop the daily greetings, that she wants to initiate irregular texting (she said shes been wanting to). She also said "to put it bluntly, i want to talk less because i dont have much to talk about".

>>17657958
part2
She told me not to worry or overthink it too much. That were still together. Said we can obviously still hangout. (keep in mind here by hangout, i mean both irl and online, depending on where she is). She even planned some movies for us to watch. It didnt seem so bad at first, im okay with talking less and not having daily mornings/nights. At the start it wasnt so bad, she still texted on most of the days, 4+days out of the 7. Still got the mornings and nights here and there, she still talked to me about stuff she was doing and gave details etc. Less , but still enough that i was okay with. We were about to watch the movie the week before she went back to class, but one day she had to help her parents with something and the next day i was busy. I assumed we could watch it over the phone like we did when she wasnt home. When i asked the next week she told me she cant, shes has work to do and "maybe another time".
As far as hanging out "online" goes, we still played a little games once or twice a week.
She would apologize when she couldnt do something, had some group project issues.
Then came the week before reading week, (2 weeks ago), sent me a few replies, said "reading week is next week so i can maybe hangout then". that was on saturday, she replied on facebook the next wednesday. but other than that, nothing.
now currently sitting here 2 weeks with no text reply. Visiting her while she was here didnt work. Calls dont work. All i can think is she changed her mind but didnt want to confront me so she just dissapeared.

>>17657958
I think she's going to break up with you, that's weird as hell to suddenly do that

>>17657961
it doesn't sound like you guys were in a relationship and surely not one for two years. More like friends but you thought it was a relationship and she knew it wasn't. No mention of a kiss or hug but plenty about playing a game you haven't in a while or texting. That is not a relationship

>>17657994
they sound really young. like 16-18. i think that is why he hasnt mentioned sex. this is my guess anyway because it doesent sound like an adult relationship.

>>17657994
i mean there was that, what do you think we did when we watched movies? cuddled on the couch. I just left out those details because they werent relevent. Those things didnt change.

>>17658047
shes 20 and im 22, we didnt have sex till a year into it. and since we dont see each other often cause of school...yeah

sounds crazy but what i think happened is this, the week you were off on vacay, she started talking to a classmate she had a crush on, mutual interest arised and suddenly you became less important to her, obviously she didnt know if it would take off so she wasnt sure at first. she started talking to him more and more, which led up to this. Shes talking to him all the time, which is why shes ignoring you. Shes completely transitioned and got over you without even breaking up. its only a matter of time till she says it.

Op this was not a real relationship but write her a message online that sorry but it seems you dont fit for each other and its better to move on. Of course you would state the obvious but it would be better for you as you can close the whole thing down in your soul and you can start moving on

>>17658081
This makes sense, it hurts, but you need to move on.

>>17658081
I assume she's not answering your phone calls. Send her a text on top of the online message, makes sure she sees it.

>>17658081
how was it not real?

ghosting is just stop contacting? no break up? right?

if so I was ghosted from 2 months. she was a real keeper. but I know two months isn't long, and hardly a relationship. but still sucks from what could have been

>>17657716
Been there, not from someone Ive been with for two years, but still. Hang in there anon.

>>17658122
>>17658107
worst part is when they get your hopes up before it. its like the difference between falling off your bed, and falling of the roof of your house. makes it worse

i mean she can still reply. but at this point i dont think its going to make things better

>>17658128
Yeah desu it would be better to just have them tell youre breaking up. When they just drop off the grid, you dont get the chance to ask what you did wrong.

>>17658135
>you dont get the chance to ask what you did wrong.

this is exactly why they do it. they are too cowardly to face breaking up with someone so they take the easy option and ghost them. girls never really say what you did wrong anyway. all of my ex basically just said "its me, my heart isnt in the relationship" when really i was probably not exciting enough for them.

>tfw one month into a really good one myself and feeling like im gonna get ghosted somewhere down the line

reading this thread spooks me out senpai

>>17658162
Get ready man

what i dont understand is, why would she tell you not to worry/overthink, if her plan was to do this to you? isnt it counter productive?

Literally saying the complete opposite.
Also, if she planned on ghosting you by reading week, why did she mention that you guys could hangout on reading week? its like if i planned on killing myself before christmas, and told people im having a christmas party at my house.

>>17657958
Honestly dude I think texting "good morning" every day is a bit much and she sounds like she needs more space.

Like dude, I am the clingy one in my relationship... and even I wouldn't want to have to check in with him every single freaking morning... it gets old.

I'm sorry if this is harsh and not what you're looking for... but a healthy amount of space is good for a relationship and helps you grow as individuals.

This by no means justifies what she did. She should have the balls to communicate with you when she needs space or "time off". But I wouldn't be surprised if its also got to do with the fact that she is an introvert who is easily suffocated and that doesn't mix well with someone who needs to constantly be in contact with his gf to feel secure.


I'm sorry dude.

>>17658266
i dont need to constantly be in contact. The issue isnt about the good morning thing. The issue is not replying or talking for more than a week without saying anything is the problem.
I literally dont have an issue if she decides not to text or reply for a day or two or 3 heck even 4.

>OP's gf died
>OP doesn't check up on her and calls her a bitch

>>17658350
if she died why is she on facebook 2-3 times a day? granted she used it mainly for talking to classmates/group members