Needing drugs to function normally-- worth it in the long run?

>>17657630
That depends how much you are smoking / drinking each day.

>>17657737
>smoking
Once per day. I used to get through 5 grams every two months (which as any smoker would confirm is VERY low for a daily smoker) before I hit this dry spell.

As for drinking, it's too early to tell. Before today, I hadn't had a drink in two years. Have gotten drunk twice tonight; the first being to avoid feeling like becoming an hero, which worked, and the second time for stupidly researching something that I knew would make me depressed, and it did.

I prefer smoking to drinking, but I'm not so sure that jail time would make me feel any better about my life.

Hesitant to encourage self medication but in my case it worked out...

I used to go fucking hard all the time with mollies, alcohol, coke, weed, LSD, shrooms, focalin ect. I think it was a whole year that I was rolling every weekend. Tried some adderall at a frat house without being drunk and it just felt right, like you said, the person I want to be. Started buying from a friend once in a while and huge bursts of productivity when using them. Went to the doctor because I needed to get my life back on track (I wasn't on the streets or anything but I had dropped out of school). I was completely honest with everything other than past drug use because I wanted to actually fix my situation not just get drugs. Turns out I actually have pretty bad ADHD, and they gave me my own adderall.

Life took a 360 and walked away. I stopped pushing everything to the last second. I stopped being a nervous wreck. I stopped wanting to go hard at all let alone every weekend. I stopped smoking weed entirely. Re enrolled in school and I am at the top of my class right now.

Though I would still recommend getting yourself checked out and address those underlying issues of suicidal thoughts/laziness if you can. Go to a nice upper middle class white neighborhood family clinic, these doctors usually actually give a shit about their patients from my experience.

The real danger is that it is very easy for that "once a day" to lose its meaning.

>>17657761
Thank you for your input. I searched for stories of self-medication that "makes me feel like myself" and most of the responses summed up to be "seek help," "go to a therapist," and "you might be depressed and/or have ADD."
So I'm not at all surprised to read that you brought up ADHD (and that must really suck to have it to such a severe extent, sorry to hear that, anon).

I'll be sure to go to a therapist at some point in the near future. For now, I'm seeking anecdotes from other self-medicating persons. I understand that it is awkward to feel like you're encouraging some form of drug abuse as most of us can (probably) not handle it, and as you wrote,
>The real danger is that it is veyr easy for that "once a day" to lose its meaning
and that is completely understandable. I see my drug use as something positive, since I'm actually DOING tasks and not simply sleeping through the day like I've done throughout my unsober/pre-drugs life, but I am still worried that the "once a day" routine will eventually transpire into something more severe and uncontrolable.

>>17657761
been on 25mg adderall for a while

after like 3 weeks of everyday usage, it doesn't do anything anymore and i have to take a depressing tolerance break

how much is your dosage? it doesnt feel like adderall is long term for me

>>17657795
>I'm actually DOING tasks
And that's why I gave my input! You didn't seem like you were just making excuses to drink/smoke every day. If you're aware that it's a bandaid solution to a deeper problem you're steps ahead of a lot of people.

>>17657829
Started on 20mg XR, did nothing but keep me awake all night, went to IR, crashed hard around 3pm, now on 20x2 I think 25-30 might be optimal. I accidentally took 2 once a while back and was tweaked, but got curious and tried 30mg another day and that seemed optimal, gonna bring that up next time.

When you say "doesnt do anything" do you mean you don't "feel" it? Or your symptoms are back to square 1? That initial period where you feel like the king of the fucking world, ready to read 3 finance textbooks by the end of the month is a side effect and why its so abusable.

When I first started I wasn't sure it was working after a while too because I wasn't "feeling it". Then I thought about all the things I was able to do that I couldn't before.

Are you on IR or XR? XR just isnt the right choice for a lot of people, but its pushed pretty hard for abusability reasons. It's also possible its not the right drug for you, a friend of mine takes focalin since adderall does nothing for him and he says its really effective.

>>17657906
>If you're aware that it's a bandaid solution to a deeper problem you're steps ahead of a lot of people.
While I believe that this is true, I do doubt that it makes a difference in the end if I end up as another drug addict in the world who has lost control of their life (by waking up in the morning only to fuel their addiction and becoming less and less productive in their daily life during the process). That is my main concern right now. I don't see myself improving/becoming a beneficial member to society fully sober, but will it the daily drug use be the lesser evil in the long term? It's hard to tell.