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Hey anons, I really need some guidance. Ive been going though emotional stress lately that has shown itself physically as well. Within this last year I made a huge life change. Beginning from literally the first day of the year, I was raped at a party. Didnt get justice. Left my home to move out with my boyfriend because the man who would molest me as a kid was coming over more often and with my whole rape ordeal I built up the courage to tell my parents but they just turned the other cheek. So, now living with my boyfriend who ive been with for two years already at this point... I have found a lot and i mean A LOT of pornography on my boyfriends computer. Including porn with girls who are way under age. This effects me dramatically.. to the point where i become depressed. we discuss this but nothing changes. All is "normal".
I find that the porn just keeps accumulating.
I become more insecure.
I come from a family of 8 but now im mostly alone all the time and i barley talk to any of my siblings. So i feel pretty alone.
cant talk to my boyfriend because he doesnt even care enough to delete any of his pornography
*im trying to be simple but there is so much detail to each satement still*
I dont know how to respond to my boyfriends porn anymore but i become miserable because of it
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>bump<
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>bump<
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>>17656658
It's just porn.
Is it real or is it hentai? Because if drawings are tiggering you. You need a therapist
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dump him
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>>17656658
>Including porn with girls who are way under age
dump this fucker
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>>17656658
>I dont know how to respond to my boyfriends porn anymore but i become miserable because of it
stop looking at his porn , get your own porns
jesus cant a guy jerk off in peace once in a while ?
i feel sorry for your poor so who has to defend his fappings
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>>17657329
real people.
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>>17657718
His fapping and his porn is excessive. IF you dont see a problem with this then you should get help.
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Go your own way, OP
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>>17656658
dump your boyfriend ASAP (personally I'd report him to the cops for CP too but that's just me). while you're at it, ditch anybody/anything else that you think is dragging you down. move out or kick him out. find a female roommate if you can't afford to live on your own. don't move back home. try to find a good therapist or a rape survivors support group or online support forum if you don't already have one. nearly everybody benefits from having some help with trauma. the more help, the better. make it your #1 priority to take care of your physical and mental health. nobody else can do it for you.
one thing I want to say about rape and other trauma, regardless of whether you ever end up being diagnosed with PTSD or anything else, is that it will mess with you on an unconscious level. I found that it's almost like having underground nuclear waste in your psyche, it seeps into everything, contaminates the groundwater, ends up affecting parts of you that don't even seem connected to the trauma at all. it may not happen for you, but don't be surprised if it does.
this is what can make getting past it so hard - seems like even if you decide to try and let it go, it won't let you go. at least for a while. takes time to clean all that shit up. it goes faster if you have help. it goes slower if you are emotionally or physically tired or have people close to you who are unsupportive, needy, or needlessly critical.
I am so sorry this happened to you OP. I want you to know that you can get through it. I did. it's kind of a meme that everybody who gets raped is irrevocably broken. it's not true, it varies from person to person. you will not be the same as before. but you don't have to feel this way forever. good luck OP.
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