Depression/symptoms/past medications

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I never thought I'd share my thoughts on 4chan but here it goes. I think I have come to the conclusion that I may be depressed. I don't know if there's any medical diagnoses for depression, I'll have to look into to it but reading symptoms and seeing how they relate to me, I am 100% sure it could possibly diagnosed in my case at least.

I have lost interest in many things, including life. I once enjoyed playing the drums, watching MMA, listening to various types of music but it all slowly drained away. (I believe I have been suffering from some sort of depression since youth) When I was in elementary I had to take medication for school in order to pay attention in class. These pills caused me to become moody and not eat, I feel at this young age it may have triggered something in my brain to cause depression in my current years. (I stopped taking the pills and I was eating and had an outgoing attitude but for only a while). In my teens I had hard break ups which may have impacted me emotionally to now and I also feel that it could have also caused and triggered something in my brain to cause depression. To this day now I have no wanting or desire to continue living. I constantly think about dying or being shot and wonder how others would react. Only recently have j started thinking about taking my pocket knife and getting the job done. But there's something that holds me back. Could I have some type of mental issues? I want to reassure you guys that I am not socially awkward and I can socialize with people perfectly, I never had that problem although my brother does, but he does not suffer of any mood changes.

What can I do? what should I do? I don't want to feel this way but it haunts me every day more and more..