Mom wants to meet

>cont

My little sister pulled some extremely rude shit recently. For the past decade, she's been dramatically pretending she wants to make amends and have a better relationship with me. Yet the second I don't buy her a pack of cigarettes--she was underage at the time--, refuse to give her a ride when she storms into my room demanding I drive her somewhere now or ask her to take care of my dad like she said she would when he was having a severe health problem she takes back everything she says.

She pulled that again after engineering some drama. I called my mom, who was previously called me cold and a horrible person for not being more receptive to her, and told her I was tired of the double standards and done with the way she, my little sister and the family has treated me.

The conversation didn't go well. It's worth noting I've tried to have this conversation with her in the past, notably because she's asked me not to have arguments with my father because it could damage his health, but mostly because he'll yell at her if he and I have a problem. I've respected her wishes and ended up directing some of my anger toward him at her, which I've apologized for and tried to make amends for.

I stopped speaking to my mom for a couple weeks, aside from a single terse email requesting the address of an old house my great-great-grandfather built because my sister's had visited there without me, even though they had said we'd go together.

Now she's visiting town and wants to see me. I told her I didn't want to see her because it's not a good time for either of us. She said she'd be willing to meet alone.

Something has me thinking that something is up though.

She made the plans suddenly. Both her and my father are in their 60's. Her sister's been in poor health for awhile now.

I reiterated that now isn't a good time to see each other then asked my mom if there's something important she wants to talk about in person.

I'm pissed about the way things have been. A break from my family could give me the breathing space necessary to recover from my own mental illness, but if someone is dying I'd rather be there for her. Regardless of whether she's told me that my little sister threatening me with a box cutter isn't a big deal or told me she didn't care and it wasn't her problem when my sister almost drove the car off the road while smacking me across the face with her cell phone over and over again, my mom is still my mom.

It would help if my family told me when serious things were happening. I'm usually the last to find out about serious matters, even before shit happened to my dad.

>>17641454
You don't want to see her, but you're talking with her on the phone.
If there was something REALLY important, she'd spill the beans on the phone.
If you decide to meet her, chances are she'll only cause a scene and make you feel hounded. There's no need for that. If she has to tell you something important, she can call or e-mail - but that would mean respecting your boundaries.
If she doesn't want to respect your boundaries, she has nothing to tell you.

>>17641468
>>17641454
>>17641431
Honestly I wouldn't want to see her either. So my advice is to go with your gut feeling, as that can be your best judgement at times.

Good luck, OP. Sorry about the problems with your family.

honestly OP you're strong as fuck to have lived this long with your family, being it is dysfunctional as fuck.

My advice is just like >>17641491 said. If it was really important, she would've spilled the bean. It's just the regret of her failed relationship with you that push her to keep in touch with you. In my opinion, you need some times alone to let go that negativity that was eating you from the inside. Go live in a positive environment in which you will be able to take care of your mental illness. It's time to take care of yourself anon.

>>17641491
I haven't spoken with her on the phone since we had that last big argument. That was a couple weeks ago. She's flying from the West Coast to the Midwest. My family is rather traditional and tends to deliver important news in person when possible.

>>17641633
That's possible, but I'm not sure. I love my mom, despite what happened, but I'm tired of the way my family treats me. They break promises the second they suspect it'll cause friction with my younger sister. At one point I was working the equivalent of a full-time job out of the house, doing a crappy job of it because they didn't let me have the car they'd promised, while taking care of my dad's pets while my little sister worked a full-time job and went out and partied. I paid rent at the time; she didn't.

I admit; I've flipped out at my mom over small shit in the past nine years, but it was mainly because of how bitter and angry the situation has left me.

Still, if my aunt, the only sibling she talks to, my dad or my aunt's husband are dying, I should be there for her.

I'm waiting to see if she emails me back.

Thank you for the support and reading.

>>17641431

Listen up mate, I too grew up in a dysfunctional, abusive family with an entitled sibling. I hate my mother for the damage she's done to me to the point that I'd spit on her grave if she still had one. She was a monster.
I mourned her passing despite how I hated her. Eventually I realized that what I really mourned was what I thought could had been. I thought that while she was still alive, there was a chance she'd change and become loving and nurturing. Thing is, it was a false hope. The older and more problematic people are, the more set in their ways they are.

Imo you're either emotionally dependant on your family or you still hold on to the hope. If I were you, I'd sit down and make a list of my complaints and bad experiences. Then I'd cut ties with my toxic family. Because that's what your family is. Toxic. You are better than that.

I say you cut ties with your family completely and let them get what's coming to them by leaving them with your sister. Course they're going to blame everything on you, but they're a lost cause anyway.

If you care about your aunt then you should contact her on your own rather than going through your mother. And whenever your family judges you or calls you names, tell them that's what they raised, or that's how little respect they inspire.

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>>17641958
>>17641958
>Thank you for the support and reading
I've had a fucked up relationship with my family since birth. So I can really sympathize with you on that one. The difference though is that it left me completely stoic toward them and I don't feel any duty towards them. You're all the contrary though, you still feel affection toward your mother and I find that fascinating.
The way I found myself to be able to deal with all this stress/pain was by cutting the emotional bound I had with my surrounding to be completely independent of my own happiness, which I am at the moment.
The only downside is that I have extreme difficulty to fall in love with someone. Even if I do, the emotion will never be as intense as it could be. It's more like a affection pact than a relationship.

>>17642534


>>17642102
Aside from my younger sister, my family never physically abused me. Emotionally, yeah, but I managed to live an otherwise normal middle class life, go to Catholic middle and high school to avoid bullying--outside of the home at least--and complete college.

I'm no saint. I've done some bad things as well, but nothing as bad as the rest of the family. Unlike them, I acknowledge what I did was wrong, apologize and either change my behavior or make up for my mistakes. Then again, some of that is my low self-esteem talking.

I want to cut contact with them temporarily. I'll show up at funerals and not talk to anyone. My cousin and I have a decent relationship. He's re-starting his career as a real estate agent. I'm helping him out by letting him close when I buy a house.

I feel some duty to my family, despite it all. They did raise me, feed me and the rest, even if they were assholes.