Career/Education

re-read your post. it's full of self loathing. find someone in real life to talk to about it.

you have good grades, and possess some modicum of intelligence, figure out what you want to do with your life, and pursue it

being irrational and calling yourself awful at everything isn't how you enjoy life, it's how you end up killing yourself.

you just said you have shied away from competition your entire life but your entire post compares yourself to others.

prestige of your undergrad program means fuck all in academic job hunts. if you're good enough at math, you might as well apply to grad school. if you get a full funding package (typical for PhD programs that are at a competitive level for producing successful job searchers) then go for it. if not, then you can wallow in self pity when you graduate and find a new direction. it's not like a math BSc isn't gonna give you opportunities in other areas, like a masters program. stop being a self-pitying fuck until you get rejected from grad school.

>>17638295
My post is self loathing because I have turned into a self loathing person. I have no one to talk with this about because most people aren't in a situation similar to this. The reason why I shy away from competition is because I really hate losing, I guess I am going to have to get used to it though.

>>17638309
I honestly have been losing motivation day by day. This might be "impostor syndrome" or something but I actually do feel like I am just fooling people with how "smart" I am. I have taken IQ tests and have seen how good at solving problems students at decent schools are and I am now very well aware of how far behind I am compared to others with similar credentials.

I was scared of math in HS (avoided engineering because I thought it would be difficult) and was originally an environmental science major. At some point I dedicated myself to getting a Math minor for the challenge of it and soon found myself in love with math. Unfortunately I feel that my love is slowly dying and I am becoming more and more stressed out as I feel that I am reaching my limitations. I have even started applying to programming jobs despite knowing that I would most likely hate programming full time.

How do I rekindle my passion for my studies despite the fact that the (economic, social, and mental-health aspects of my) future seem so dim? I was in my prime when I was dumb and didn't care about anything except math, but now I worry way to much about other things (money, having a social life, having a good career, etc).

Math graduate student here. Smart people don't get a PhD, because getting a PhD is stupid. Smart people get a job. You don't need to be smart to get a PhD, you need to persevere through everything. Even stupid people can get a PhD if they stick through it long enough.

>>17638415
only the super-brilliant get math professor jobs. if you get your masters you can teach at CC which is a huge public service believe me because a lot of those guys aren't very smart like you seem to be.

your post struck a chord with me; i've felt for a long time that doing math is the right way forward but it don't have a whole lot of confidence in my ability, or, rather, likelihood of success in academia. every time i enroll in uni something terrible happens and i have to drop/fail out. i dunno do other people have to deal with this shit? i do great at halfassing exams for material i've barely learned which annoys & upsets me.

>>17638490
why are you in grad school tho

>>17638490
Anyone with half a brain knows this post says a lot more about your intelligence than people with PhD's intelligence, regardless of whether you are actually a grad student or not. Which I doubt since anyone in grad school knows that there is no such thing as PhD by effort, many fail to produce significant result, had to drop out and find a job. I have friends who are disillusioned with grad school and they usually acknowledge their shortcomings and move on, instead of thinking everyone more successful than them are stupid.

I am a third year undergrad in physics and I also want to get a PhD. Any advice on how I can prepare for my eventual failure?

OP,

What kind of courses have you taken? Always remember that fellowship programs all around the US accept absolute shitter students from mexico/china/india so you are already ahead of the curve.