Abused someone with anxiety

I face the morally questionable act of accepting something he always wanted, my determination is titanium, my core personality never allows me to go back in my word so I know if I make this real I'm never going to go back on my word, what I'm talking about is I would accept him as a dependent forever. No more work or studying, he would live under my care like a child for life, this is a serious decisions and of course a lot of people would disagree with it if not everyone

My question is what the fuck should I do? He would be infinitely grateful to escape "life". He is suicidal, he refused to live past his 20s due to feeling too incompatible with life
I'm a highly capable man, I've been raised by a former colonel and a strict mother, both all about success and such, I am known as a heartless leader in my close social circles, this was certainly a shock to some of them. Resources are no problem. I'm not underestimating the costs, just trust I can cover them easily

What is your input?

>>17635719
There is a WIDE gap between being a bully and making him totally dependent on you.

How about assuaging your guilt by using your abilities to guide him toward therapy, support groups and the like that will help him become more successfully independent?

>>17635719
are you gay ?

>>17636072
My abilities are financial, expertise in upper management and engineering, there is a reason I fucked up and it's because I barely understand how people can be that scared over the smallest of mistakes, I know it's a big ass gap but he's scared of therapy and things like that
My guilt is too harsh on me to push him to anything else right now, he would listen, he always does but I think he got his fair amount of being hurt
>>17636083
No I am not but he is

>>17635726
If you plan on ever getting married or having a gf, having a dependent gay guy might get in the way...

If you want to take him in and care for him you can, but don't let the guilt stop you from pushing for his continued health and wellbeing. maybe wait a bit before, but you should slowly push him into therapy

>>17636257
Thing is, his dad, a more experienced man and a wiser one too is fully against it, he asked for my support to help him integrate society, which is something that's putting me on edge because I agree with his dad but the guy in question doesn't even want social integration and it feels like it's being forced down his throat, my mind is full of conflicts right now.

My main worries are this: Will the guy in question ever regret wanting this? I know a lot of people can dream of free neet life but what about 30 years down the road? He would be old, no skills and I'd be the reason he's completely fucked up and can never revert

This is what his dad is concerned about and I don't think anyone in his family would forgive me for ruining any learning opportunity he had

At the same time I'm questioning if learning opportunities are just a social standard thing or everyone should be meeting those standards to feel happy

>>17636322
I mean i bet he wants you to force *something* down his throat...

I think its a pretty serious decision, and I think there is a difference between support and dependence.
I am actually on the side of the dad here, i think as long as he is working towards something that would be way more important than you allowing him to just collapse into nothing, but i have also had a gf with bad anxiety.
I think its bullshit but as someone without anxiety i dont know if im really in the right place to say anything about living with it but it was pretty crippling for her

>>17636361
This is true, can you talk more about her anxiety please? It's still something not well understood for me

This is incredibly fucked up. Read Neitzsche. Don't let the weak drag you down, basically. You're an idiot if you take him in like this.

Where the fuck did you meet him? Is he retarded, or just fucked up from trauma?

>>17636457
She had anxiety and borderline personality disorder (both diagnosed)

(Unreasonable) anxiety about going out, going to school, going to work, meeting new people, about our relationship, about homework, about testing, about everything.
She would often end up in tears about (what i considered to be) nothing.

Constant overthinking and worry about shit that doesnt matter or mean anything.
Not sure if that helps

>>17636457
anxiety is the emotion you feel when you're on the edge of your seat, waiting for a lion to pounce at you. It's like fear, alertness, and nervousness combined. It's like when someone pops out and scares you, except all the time, and sprinkled with anxiety attacks so strong it'll take you to your knees.

It's like a physical inability to chill out.

>>17636483
Then what would you have done in my case with him? Considering you have the same resources and reach I got, wouldn't you mind it?

>>17636495
How did the relationship end?

>>17636509
Let him die. Sounds cold and harsh, but some people are better off.

>>17636510
I was over being an emotional tampon, felt she wasnt working hard enough. She lied to me about a couple of things and so I broke it off.
She wasnt happy, but I just walked out.
She doing alright now I think, probably fucking randos from tinder

>>17636513
Anon that's not morally acceptable, he is the same as this girl mentioned here >>17636495

Don't you think it's a little bit too extreme to just abandon a disabled person?

>>17636522
If he's disabled he should be in a hospital

>>17636522
It's immoral to let someone like him go on suffering. READ NEITZSCHE

>>17636527
There's no program for people like him to be taken care of by hospitals, he receives a little check per month that isn't nearly enough to even cover daily expenses let alone rent.
>>17636531
>READ NEITZSCHE
Can you summarize what you'd want me to understand from it? Just for food for thought

>>17635726
Answer is you are not responsible for him, you don't owe him, he was lucky enough to get few months of coaching you gave him.

What you are trying to create is symbiotic relationship, he will be using you with this emotional blackmail and you will feel "fulfilled" sacrificing your life for a greater cause which is "love" or "friendship".

By doing that you are shit to yourself. He is shit to you too.

I had similar issue, my past 2 girlfriends and one soon to be wife were using me for my emotional whiteknighthood. Whenever I was about to leave them, they would threaten me with suicide and guilt trip me for leaving ones "in need" because they are so poor and broken.

On the other hand being depressed and suicidal did not stop one from cheating on me. And yeah, she would use her depression as an excuse for it again.

And that's what creates a redpiller.

These people are subhumans OP, don't bother wasting your time on them. You deserve someone who will stand on equal foot or just to be alone.

>>17636543
But dude, what am I to do? Just forget the guilt? You realize I forced him to work while he has untreated disorders for weeks, it just killed him emotionally

Why would you consider them subhuman anon? They're like us just not very capable when it comes to life

>>17636707
Ignore him. He's just trying to push a false Darwinian narrative. If you have the resources to help him without grievously harming yourself, do it. But the absolute bottom line is that he needs professional, medical help. Period. You aren't trained or certified for this. No one should expect you to have any idea what you're doing. That's normal. Don't blame yourself for what you did. You genuinely thought you were doing the best you could in order to help him. There's no need to feel guilty, especially not after everything you've given him. Even if he won't do therapy (which he should) get him to talk to a physiatrist, or else talk to one for him (but bring him along). At the very least, we can hope he'll get prescribed some kind of benzo (anti-anxiety medication). I mean, thatshould be a no fucking brainer to even the most stupid doctor out there, so long as you explain the ENTIRE situation. Don't leave a single thing out. Once he's on the medication, he should be able tostart talking with a therapist in order to get to the root of his problem in order for him to fix his life. Try to convince him to do these of his own free will. If he refuses, make a deal with him. If he agrees to attempt to get prescribed medication as well as attend therapy, and so long as he puts his full effort into attempting to change things for the better, if after a year he still cannot bring himself to interact with the outside world at all, whatsoever, then and only then at that point would you agree to support his NEET lifestyle (but in somewhere like the basement so that you could have normal, functional, healthy relationships without him killing those. Because you fully deserve those. He cannot interfere with them, and if he does, he loses the right to stay with you. He has no right to ruin your life).

>>17636844
Thank you for your input, I really needed different opinions because this is something very sensitive and I couldn't just straight out ask for friends' opinion

>>17636891
jesus chirst man. That kid needs help and you need some introspection.
Don't just have some basement goblin you feed leftovers and trash out of the kindness of your heart, get him professional help. Anxiety cannot be cured but it can be treated.

You can't do these things on your own, I'd suggest reaching out to a medical professional if you don't feel comfortable with any of his family helping you. Regardless, there needs to be some sort of therapist involved and he should prolly take meds.

I would say unless you want a live in fuckboi it is a really really bad idea to encourage this leaching NEET behavior.

>>17635719
Why would you take on that responsibility for life, though? Seems ridiculous, but you do you I guess

>>17637443
>>17637451
There has been some new development today, we discussed for whole day but I seemed to convince him to try college, the reason I don't have any issue with resource drain is because I own a respectable small business in tech, I proposed he could do some little work from his own room without going out of it if he learns coding and he didn't seem to really disagree with it

>>17638221
you seem pretty cool. can you take me under your wing as your gay NEET son too?

i'm not even gay.

ha ha. funni jokes

>>17638263
I'm against this guy being a neet to begin with, it's just the guilt of making him work or I'd threaten to kick him out for I don't know like a year or something like that, he did horrible at his job and would run away from it sometimes, despite my best efforts to accommodate him it never worked so my anger took control of me for soooo looong, never really recognized his disorders

>>17638274
>making him program for you
you made it sound like you were going to support him hiding in your house all day doing nothing.

I would certainly say you could give him a trial period of learning code and explain that his work ethic towards learning the kind of work that you need him to learn is going to affect your decision

>>17639598
Last night went in a positive path, he agreed to take coding lessons and will start studying math