Delicate position

What?

>>17635237
Sorry english is not my native language. What can I explain again?

>>17635240
This
>I'm thinking on confessing the random acess to her phone and asking for the lie, but that would be a major play, and can finish everything between us. Should I confess, or try very hard to dig her lie into myself untill I forget?

What I've gathered from the rest of your post is that she asked you to check something on her phone when you saw what I presume to be nudes. You asked her about them, and she said they weren't new. And now you think she's lying. Is that correct?

>>17635243
Close, but it is my fault.

>I'm thinking on confessing the random acess to her phone and asking for the lie, but that would be a major play, and can finish everything between us. Should I confess, or try very hard to dig her lie into myself untill I forget?

I have two options:
>I did check your phone not on purpose and saw the pics. I would like to know why you're negating them.

>Trying to forget hard as fuck and trust her again.

I really like to do the 1st option but I put too much in game.

About your quote, you got it almost. I asked about WHATEVER new pic since last time we saw each other (long term, 2 weeks of space) and she said she has NONE new, but that's not true.

>>17635247
You're going to have to explain again, I'm still confused

>>17635253
I feel very idiot, sorry for explainning that bad. Should I greentext?

>>17635256
That might help, yes

>>17635261
Ok, all the story again, here I go.

>gf says "check my phone, anon, someone messaged me
>unblocks it
>new nude pics
>not worried, she can make whatever pic and keep it for herself, not mad
>tried to make her confess
>"no new pics since 2 weeks?"
>"no, not even one of whatever kind"
>ok
>next day, I'm kinda paranoid, so instead of saying "I saw them by accident" I said "help me to not being paranoid, show me I'm wrong"
>I though that would make the situation smoother
>she took it like I don't trust her and I want her phone
>big argument
>I swear to no do it again
>but I want to know why she's lying

My principal issue on knowing why the lie, is that we past for TOO MUCH to hiding this.

Should I
>"I knew your pics and I handled the previous situation as shit and I would like to know why you're lying to me"

Or
>Forget forever

>>17635266
I say the latter, or at least a modification of the former. Don't accuse her of lying like that, it's too confrontational and leads to arguments

>>17635268
Well, I don't plan on saying "you lied to me" more like "I managed wrong the time, and I knew you had the pics, but I would like to know why did you say you have none"

I can't translate full what I want to say to her, but it doesn't inclue "you're a bad pairing".

I'm not mad, just worried, with all we past through, what will be the motivation behind that kind of lie?

Bump because I retyped the story.

>>17635234
>We even managed to open the relationship without a major problem
why is this even an issue? So what if she's sending a dude nudes to set up a fuck date. I realize she may not have been entirely forthcoming but this is minor. Was she the one that wanted to open the relationship and you just hanging in there and coping the best you can? Sounds like she calls the shots

>>17635769
It was kind an issue, because I'm a close-relationship guy, and she didn't want to open it if I will be hurt. Then we had a long conversation about feelings and she going with other people.

What I meant is that a pic means nothing to me against that kind of conversation.

>>17635266
take the blame on yourself.
Tell her you accidentally saw them and now you're feeling a little bit insecure and you just want to talk about it. Not accusing her of wrong doing is the biggest thing here, you're also not saying that you looked at them, you just happened to see it. She also might not be lying to you, there may be some other context to them. Some older pics she had never shown you but for what ever reason has or something. If your relationship is open, is it an issue that she's sending those kinds of pics, or more an issue that she isn't telling you about it?

>>17635781
Well then your issue is much larger than worrying about seeing the photos or believing she lied or not (she did). When anyone ask for an open relationship the are going to conduct themselves as if it already is and makes no difference what you think about it.

Well, I'm adding some context since I don't ask for advice a lot and I don't want to annoy people. Context is

>Friday
>Talked about openning relationship, and oppened it
>Everything cool, actually

>Between Friday and Staruday I found the pics as I said in story

>Sunday I blame on my paranoia instead of saying "I accidentally saw them"
>Fucked situation as I was a jelous guy

>>17635795
My issue is her not telling me that pics exists. That are her pics. I don't know and I don't want to know what she do with them. But I care about the fact of her saying they are no pics.

>>17635804
I get almost everything of your reply untill "they are going to conduct themselves" What does that mean?

Sorry for bad english.

>>17635811
>"they are going to conduct themselves"
it means they intend to have an open relationship and doesn't matter what you think about it or if they agreed not to see other people. What it forces them to do is lie. There is an outside chance the photos are two weeks old and she was sending them to a guy she wanted to hook up with, asked you for the open relationship so she could fuck him. She may be fucking him already or put it on hold for a bit but this won't last long. I feel for you OP

>>17635811
>they are going to conduct themselves
she means she will act like the relationship is open and flirt/sext/fuck other guys

If you don't want to know why she has the pictures, or what she's doing with them, then it's probably better she DOESN'T tell you. She's likely trying to protect you from telling you that she was showing them to another guy she wants to fuck. Because it doesn't sound like you really want to know about that. If that's the case, forget you ever saw them and move on if you're REALLY ok with things being open. Otherwise if being open is a major trust issue then consider telling her that being open was a mistake.

From experience, I can tell you that successful open relationships are based on communication and trust. Generally partners tell each other EVERYTHING they're doing and set boundaries on what kinds of activities are ok, and what are not alright.

>>17635826
Yes, that's why I agreed to open it.
And ahe always could lie to me, but I though she will tell if I catch her.

>>17635840
Yes, that's what I though. I don't mind on open it always she keep being honest.

Fortunately, she said she just realized a few days ago. But now I can't believe it.

Should I confess although I'm now the bad guy?

>>17635851
If you can't be ok with what she's doing and hear about it, she will never feel like she can actually be honest with you and not be judged. It's not going to work. If you can be confident she's just having some fun but she only loves you, then figure out where your boundaries are and express that it's important that you can talk about things and that she not cross those particular boundaries. One of those boundaries should certainly be hiding or lying about things she does with other people.

>>17635861
I think I can manage almost everything. Or at least that's what I though, since I never though on her lieinfg to me.

I know I can talk about everyrhing with her, but now I'm like the guy who wanted her phone, and that's what scares me.

>>17635861
If the relationship begins as an open one I get it, no one gets hurt or feels pressed into accepting it because you both agree. It's the monogamous relationships and one partner wants to fuck around and the other has to accept or end the relationship that crash and burn.

I have no idea what OP thinks he achieves by confessing to mistakenly seeing this shit unless he believes she will be totally honest which she will not do

>>17635874
In all honesty, I don't think you want her phone. You just want to feel like she's telling you everything. You should try to approach her from a perspective of complete honesty, just tell her you want to know what she does (not in detail) and you're not going to judge her. If she trusts you that shouldn't be an issue for her, and if you trust her you'll be ok with her fooling around because you know she loves only you.

If you just bury it and lie to her about things being ok, then being in an open relationship will never ever work out and you just won't be happy.

>>17635876
Well, that is easy to explain.

Now I feel fooled, and I want to finish that feeling saying to her "Why?"

At the same team, I want to fix my bad handled situation and the fact that she thinks I'm not the one trusting her. Which is how it finished everything.

>>17635886
>It's ok to be a cuckold.
What the actual fuck kind of stupid backwards logic is this?

>>17635234
OP is she living with you or are you handling most of the financial burden for her?

>>17635886
Yes, yesz this is exactly what it is on my mind.
The last part is what I though she was doing to me, but now I don't feel it and i want to recover that feeling.

>>17635893
Nope, long distance relationship. 2 years long.

>>17635898
the just express that you've lost that feeling after the fight and you just want to talk and get back to a good place. If she values you, this will not be an issue at all because she will want to keep you in her life. Use that time to set up some boundaries so you can feel more comfortable about things too.

>>17635891
If that's your kink then yeah, it is, I don't make a habit of judging people on their sexual proclivities, but I also never told OP not to hop on tinder and get some ass of his own. It's open, not one sided and if he wants to have some fun while they're apart she should be ok with that too. If the terms of the relationship aren't acceptable then he should just leave.

>>17635957
Thanks once again, anon. I want to feel like I'm not playing a lost game. I think we two should be honest and everything should be alright.

Also >>17635891 sometimes you have to think more than on yourself when you want to be with someone. As the other anon says, is two way sided and fair for our two. My choices on getting another person for sex are the same as hers, and I'm ok with that.

Well, thanks to anyone who tried to read me and got to help me. It was a very important decision which I wasn't sure to do, and now I know it is what it has to be done. In 2 weeks I will be talking with her, and I hope I will go back with good news.