girlfriend of over 3 years cheated on me (kissed and cuddled

You fucked up

Yep, she got you good

Tbh senpai, might as well break it up now before it's too late

>>17632225

I don't get what you mean, I know for a fact she is spending her days wallowing in her bed at home with her family, we agreed no contact so we could both recuperate from this, but she still messages me every few hours with how much she misses me etc.

I'm looking for legitimate advice, this is someone I have spent over 3 years in a relationship with, I know what happened is completely out of character for her, she knew how much it upset me and she is also incredibly upset about the whole thing. She's not spiteful and evil.

You think this happened out of the blue?
You think she hasn't thought about doing it for months before doing it? You believe her wallowing in sadness and whatever means anything to a woman?

I am sorry my man but once you show weakness by forgiving like this it is a matter of time before you get cucked again.

>>17632237

Do you think there's no exceptions to this? The guy is objectively not very good looking, they are okay friends and he is just someone that joins in social events. Would she really show such remorse and leave it at a kiss with him if she wanted more? And why would she go ahead and remove him from her life afterwards if she cared at all.

I used to think cheating was an instant dealbreaker until it happened to me, given if it was anything more than a kiss It would have been but over 3 years together is a long time to throw away for a one time indiscretion that she regretted and which happened in the presence of alcohol.

I know I sound like I'm completely defending her but believe me we talked for hours about us and everything about the situation, I know her well and I know during that conversation if she was holding back or lying.

I was in the exact same situation.
For the love of God, end it.
It will save you so much pain later on

>>17632205
>Regrets it, says she's sorry and it meant nothing blah blah

you dont just kiss someone and cuddle with them if it means nothing. she obvious felt something for this guy friend. she really fucked up. she has betrayed you, fucked with her friends head and she knows it.

im no relationship expert but i think things could work between you two because she does sound genuinely sorry and regretful. she probably felt something for her guy friend and done it in the moment because it felt right. some people make stupid decisions because they act on pure emotion rather than looking at things logically.

>>17632240
You think it only was a kiss

>>17632240
>The guy is objectively not very good looking, they are okay friends and he is just someone that joins in social events

I used to never trust guys's assessment about other guys's attractiveness, especially the ones who cucked them.
I was right.

>>17632240

Why are you defending her so much? You don't understand, what came before her kissing/cuddling was a series of conscious decisions made by her, and before that came thoughts of doing it.

It doesn't seem like you will listen to us here who have had this happen to us and we too believed she was honest and somehow this was a big mistake it wont happen again bla bla bla. But in the end once you show a WOMAN that she can cheat on you (what she did is cheating don't fool yourself) she will do it again. You cannot show weakness.

Swallow the bitter pill of life and move on. Or don't, and have this 4chan post written by a stranger from Eastern Europe flash before your eyes when you hear from someone else your GF was making out with someone at a party you weren't at.

>>17632240
>The guy is objectively not very good looking, they are okay friends and he is just someone that joins in social events

doesent this make it worse. how could she decide to do this with someone if she doesent really care about them. either she is fucked in the head or she has feelings for him.

Same situation as the OP.
We tried to make shit work for another week and afterwards we just broke up. Now she spends her every waking hour at work or wasting time at home.
It still pains me, but I have ZERO TOLERANCE for cheating. Don't be a fuck OP, meme or not you showed her weakness and she knows she can get away with it.
I'm still "friends" with my ex, but only just, because we're in the same social circle, but I never talk to her again out if my own will and I'll certainly never initiate anything with her again. At most I reply to whatever inane shit she texts me.

You should end it. Not sure how can you still respect a person who betrayed your trust.

>>17632240
I knew you would do this OP though everyone cautioned you against. There is more to this story and one day you will know. You are correct in one thing. She should be doing everything in her power to make this right if she was sure she wanted to continue with the relationship. Instead what she has done is deliver you a "break" to think things over. She is deciding right now to start a relationship with him or come back to you. You are very naive if you believe she is not communicating with this guy and just because you don't think he is desirable or that you are more so (this is your ego and a huge reason you cannot accept what has happened) means nothing to her. They have had a year of closeness and it has now become physical.

>>17632248
>>17632249
>>17632262

It's good to be reminded of all of this, I have thought and expressed all of this to her too, I know there is lots of angles to this, the thing that got me was her emotional explanation of the events, it was at the end of a night of drinking crashing on a sofa watching tv, she said they sat down together and layed side by side and kissed without tongue, she said it felt awkward and horrible and both of them stopped and she immediately messaged me to come pick her up because she didn't want to spend the night there, I looked back in our message history and she had messaged me goodnight and then about 15 minutes later she asked me to pick her up, at the time I didnt suspect anything.

It sucks because I really don't want to lose what we had before this happened, she is still adamant about wanting to spend her life with me, and I love her so much but this is fucked. I try to look at people that have forgiven sex and affairs etc to make me feel better but I still know this is a horrible thing to have to think about moving on from.

Is there really no chance someone could do this and truly regret it and have it mean nothing.

>>17632278
For some reason you are still convinced this all happened as a spur of the moment, nothing women do is a spur of the moment as they consider these angles for weeks if not months in advance.

Men are spontaneous, women are calculated.

I know I sound like some woman hating manchild but it's just because it angers me to see people try and rationalize forgiving when you can find actually loyal women out there (I am with one right now and wasting another 6 months after "forgiving" is the only thing I regret in life.)

>>17632205
are you the guy who posted here just a couple of days ago?

>>17632278
If she met some guy while out and kissed him quickly and thought what have I done then you could see this as a impulsive mistake but that is not what happened here. She spends time with this guy alone and both arranged to spend the night together under the guise of crashing after a night partying with friends. They pair off OP even in the group. THEY PAIR OFF. They were going to sleep on that couch and it got physical naturally because they care for one another. I'm stunned why you thought nothing could happen under these circumstances. Kicker for me is she tells you good night then lays with him and you do realize people can fuck in 15 minutes. Fucked up

>>17632205
She will cheat again, it's never a one time thing
Leave her, maybe she will learn her place, but most certainly won't

>>17632274

I get that you mean well, but it's not that black and white, I'm not looking to argue I'm trying to deliver as much as I know about the situation. She has told the guy to make things work with me she will have to cut him off as a friend after what happened and he supported her decision, she showed me these messages. I know there must have been some level of attraction for a kiss to happen but she claimed it was a comfort thing because they knew each other so well, but after it happened it was uncomfortable and awkward. She has stressed how much better she thinks I am then him and it was a momentary lapse in judgement.

I am still leaning towards ending things, after we meet up next to talk I want to tell her a lot of things about how I'm feeling about it, and all of your words are helping, I just want to set the record straight for some of it.

>>17632284

Care to share your story?

>>17632278
Females are great at emotional manipulation, believe me, they can fake regret and sadness very well, it doesn't mean they really feel it

>>17632294
>a comfort thing
OP her whole friendship with this guy is a comfort thing that has now become physical. Again. If she really wanted to work this out she would not require a break. There is no way for you to know they are not speaking right now on the phone. Didn't you mention the other day they work at the same place?

>>17632299

That makes them sound inhuman, they are still humans who think and feel, having a long relationship with someone and hurting that person will usually result in being sad and regretful

You made a dumb ass mistake and now she thinks she has power over you. She now thinks she can chose between you 2 and will probably pick the other guy. She cheated and now, she is deciding whether or not she can break up with you. She basically took away your power and you showed her that you are desperate.
BAD mistake.

>>17632302

No? this is not the same story. This person was introduced to her at some point this year, he is best friends with her girl best friend therefore when they hang sometimes he is there. Removing him from her life means damaging her friendship circle and she did that.

>>17632305
They think and feel, but they can still manipulate anyone who falls for that crap. Man can do it too, but women understand social relationships better, so they can manipulate them better, too

>>17632297

Nothing much to it, I was a young 19 year old and heard my (first ever) gf kissed a male friend of hers at a party, big fight, her calling me every day for a week, decided to give her a second chance (manipulated by crying).

Six months later a friend of mine calls me at 3am in the morning telling me he saw them in a park while he was walking his dog at 3 am in the fucking morning, went there and made a big scene, told the guy I would kill him and someone called the police because of all the yelling. Nothing was done to me since cops in my country are pretty cool so they drove me home, never felt such anger and disgust in myself ever in my life.

I am 26 years now and have been in two short and one long term relationship (current one) and have always dumped them without a blink of an eye at the first sign of infidelity, I am not paranoid or anything like that though, just very emotionally cold and calculated.

>>17632309
What makes you think she completely cut contact with him? She may be lying to you

>>17632311

Thank you, that helps a lot. She fucked up big time with this, and even though I do believe she wouldn't pursue a relationship with this person if I were to end things with her, I do think infidelity could be a possibility in the future with someone else, and the very framework of our relationship was destroyed.

>>17632313

She told me and showed me the facebook messages. I really don't think they are conspiring behind my back to continue a secret relationship when she could just end things with me and be with him, instead she has been incredibly remorseful and begging for a second chance.

>>17632320

It's betrayal of the hardest degree, as I see it. When you love someone and would do anything for them, it's an unforgivable offense

I'm so blinded by my love and I know it, I'm trying to push myself to end things to save myself from any possible hurt in the future but then I try to rationalise things. What kind of evil person would act so remorseful and heartbroken and beg you to stay with them just to repeat something like this again. I would like to think the person I spent this long with isn't like that, but then again I never thought she would kiss another guy. But then I put myself in her position and think to myself If I did the same and pleaded for forgiveness because I wanted to be with the person I betrayed I would not even dare to break that trust a second time.

Fuck me I'm a mess. Does any of this ramble make sense to anyone?

>>17632324
You're falling in her trap, she's conditioning you to forgive her, in time this will happen again, and you'll forgive her easier, then it will happen again and again, and then you'll become a literal meme

>>17632334
Oh it makes perfect sense, you have to understand that men and women think differently. It's the same as any breakup, you are addicted physically to the person and you can't imagine living without them, but what you are unable to see is that other people can fulfill that urge even better.

>>17632334
Drop her, find someone else. Be free, find an hobby you enjoy.
Loyalty is one of the major things in a relationship, it doesn't last if you aren't both loyal. If you forgive her, it will certainly happen again, and cause you even more pain in the long run.
Find someone else, for your own good, find someone who really loves you and is loyal to you.
If this girl really loves you, she would've thought about you before kissing and cuddling that guy. Instead she only thought of herself.

Why couldn't she cuddle and kiss you? Why did she have to use another guy? Does she really love you? I don't think so

I call bullshit, she's giving you a break wich on most times it means that she's rethinking about getting back to you or starting something with the other guy, that is her real conflict, thats why she feels like she's a mess right now
I said in a different post that Kisses can be regretable awkward mistakes, but if she's having an emotional conflict over this even if you just forgive her, she's definetly rethinking. Whats really gonna Matter to you is if you are willing to forgivet that too, you cant keep letting her push you over while she's indecesive about her feelings. Maybe im paranoid but from personal experience they tend to lie and act genuinely interesed in your relationship while she's really just tryin to figure out if she's willing to let you go to start something new probably because movies and Tv bullshit makes them think that if they live something so spontaneously wrong it must be a sign of where they Will find true love. She might realize she's wrong but theres also a chance that she's gonna keep seeking that spontaneous shit. I guess we all want to think she's going to get things straight but youre not sure. But if you still want to get things solved, best i can think of.. ask her to be honest and make a quick decision, to decide if she wants to be with you righ now or if she Doesn't. Being with someone thats not willying keep by your side in a critical moment where they should keep fighting for their relationship is not worth it event if she sticks around sending messages she's lacking the real commitment

Somethings shady.. I know you're still in limerance, but carefully consider what's happening and your options before you continue dating this girl

>>17632229
You idiot, everyone in the last thread told you to get rid of her. She is putting you on ice and I garauntee she is weighing wether or not she wants to get with the other guy or not. Now she is going to look down on you for taking her back and she will do this again.

op, all im saying is be careful with the advice on here. i listened to people last time about my ex and they where completely wrong.

>>17632205
terminate relationship immediately
you are a fool if you believe that they didnt fuck
and you are a fool to even consider trusting someone that has betrayed you

>>17632700
about what?

>>17632770
my ex at the time was ignoring me. i asked 4chan for advice. they all told me she is ghosting me or testing me. i found out she was just really busy with work.

>>17632278
>she said they sat down together and layed side by side and kissed without tongue, she said it felt awkward and horrible and both of them stopped

What do you expect? No seriously OP?

What do you expect? Her to come clean and go all "we kissed and it felt really good"? No man, no. Women are not evil. Women are simply not-guys and shit they do might seem real nasty. They are natural liars, manipulators. They say this, do that and think the other way.

>waiting for the obligatory thread 3 days from now about the " unexpected breakup "

>>17632781
lol yes the old "busy with work" bit
protip: by "work" she meant "sitting on strange dick"

>>17632900
and this is why you shouldent take /adv/ seriously.

She texts him behind your back, sends him nudes, and rubs her pussy for him.

You're cucked OP.

It is not hard to add a contact into your phone and delete it on demand.

>>17632205
Dump her

I am in your girlfriends position right now, except my bf doesn't know a thing..... it was very brave of her to tell you, I would be way too scared to say a thing about it.

she probably feels extremely regretful and ashamed. feelings of regret can really fuck you up.

but i think that time apart from each other will only drive you two further apart...

>>17632205
You're supposed to get rid of her, retard. Woman have the irresistible desire to cheat and once they get a taste, they can't stop.

Hey man I remember seeing your past thread, if you are willing to work with it that's cool, if you guys really love each other working though this will make your bond even tighter. That said she is acting like a fucking idiot for saying you guys need time away from each other cause she's a "mess". That sounds so childish and stupid she should be spending even more time with you and proving her love for you. Tell her that she needs to just act like everything is still the same and show you that you can trust her again otherwise I'd drop her ass cause it seems like she's trying to make you feel sorry for her when you are the victim.

>>17633040
>I am in your girlfriends position right now,

why did you do it? not judging, just wondering.

>>17633064
it's a really fucked up reason but here it is:

the other guy, he was deeply in love with me, he said. he also often is extremely depressed. but he is a very dear friend to me, i always wanted to cheer him up and make him feel better. so one day, i still can't believe i did it, it was so so stupid... so dumb... i gave him a hug and kissed him. he was sooo happy afterwards, he told me he had never felt that happy before. that's all i wanted to do at that moment, make him feel happy and not depressed. but he quickly got depressed again, because he realised that i would never be his, cause i already have a boyfriend.

so.... now i feel so so so fucked up and full of regret.... i shouldn't have done it. cause now he is even sadder than before, and i basically cheated on my own boyfriend. i feel stressed everyday, that the other guy might tell my bf because he's so jealous/angry.

i could never tell my bf, i feel way too ashamed. and my bf is the type of guy that would immediately dump me, he probably wouldn't understand the whole situation..

>>17633088

I don't get it. Did you stick your tongue down his throat or something? This sounds like a very retarded thing to be stressing about. Did your cunt get wet kissing a new guy? If not, who cares?

>>17633117
no tongue at all, regular closed lips kiss.

well my boyfriend would definitely care, for him there's no difference between a regular kiss and sucking another dude's dick

>>17633121
If you loke the guy so much, why not tell the truth to your bf and date the other guy?
You fucking whore, I would dump you immediately

>>17632285
Hahahahaha, i had the same thought. It has to be the same guy.

OP, you are unbelievably blind and stop making threads. You are starting to be pathetic.

>>17633129
i understand, i would dump myself too

>>17633121
A closed lips kiss is equivalent to a peck on the cheek. Children these days and their petty problems. Much kek.

>>17633088

i see. best explaining to the guy why you done it and you are sorry. would be bad if he got upset and told your bf out of desperation. im kind of always afraid that a partner of mine is going to do something similar to what you and op gf did. guys are often friends with girls because they think something could happen between them in the future and when people are drunk they do stupid shit. my ex had alot of guy friends and it stressed me out at times.

>>17632205
Don't know a dime about your old thread but I think you should tell her to shove it and dump her.

It's not about throwing the relationship away or wanting to hurt the other person. It's about what's best for you. The bottom line is she disrespected and gave you a bullshit reason. Never believe someone that says it was a mistake - there is always a reason. Sometimes those reasons could be worked out if the couple deems it possible and is willing, but she gave you no reason. Not only that, she wants a break.

It's about respect, always. Dump her, move on, find a better girl. Don't worry about her feelings at all. Look at >>17633088 where she says
>my bf is the type of guy that would immediately dump me

That's the type of guy you want. That's the type of respect you want from others. When they know what you'll do, and they're afraid. Sure this girl isn't telling her bf but he'll find out eventually. Then he'll kick her ass to the curb and find a better girl. Stop worrying about these hoes and live life.

>>17632781
that is very different than OP finding out something was going on between his gf and her "friend"

Your problem before was just impatience on your part and paranoia. OP isn't paranoid he knows something happened just not what really, really happened

>>17633040
OP's gf didn't offer, he found out, he just doesn't know for sure how far it went or how long this has been building between the two. She asking for this break isn't promising either.

>>17633088
you seem way more concerned with your friendzoned friend than you do your own bf. Odd

She just needs some time to fuck other guys. Get out of it now and spare your self the pain.

>>17632305
I mean my ex didn't show any sadness or regret. She lied about cheating and I only found out from her friends after we broke up. As soon as we broke up she didn't skip a beat in starting a relationship with the guy she cheated on me with. All of her friends have told me she hasn't shown any signs of regret since then. Hell, I saw her once afterwards and asked her if she had anything to get off her chest, after some more lying I told her I knew she kissed somebody. She didn't even apologize to me. Some women really are like that and it's scary mang.

>>17633179
>she gave you no reason
I'm somewhat in agreement though she said it was for comfort, whatever that means. Troubling from OP's last thread was he found out when one of her other friends inquired of her about what happened between she and the male friend. If it was such a minor thing like a quick and innocent kiss there wouldn't be much said about it. It's likely the group of friends knew OP's girl and this guy liked each other and it just a matter of time before they hooked up and the other friend wanted details. Instead we have OP's girl acting like she fucked him or something, not just a kiss.

OP,

Do not go forward with this. As much as it sucks that she did what she did, it actually is not that big of a deal in the grand scheme of things and I think that if you genuinely care about her, it was good that you came around to working things out with her.

However, and I don't mean to be reductive, but simply calling it as I see it - she's done with you. For her to resort to essentially "needing a break", she's trying to ease herself out of the relationship without seeming like a heartless bitch. Women tend to want to protect other people's feelings, especially those they are close with...aka you. They tend to string people along, and give half-truths, all in the name of not hurting someone's feelings.

What the majority of them don't realize is that doing this actually creates more problems and ends up hurting more feelings than if they had just been honest about their intentions from the start.

You can give her a chance if you want, and let her have her time, however...I'm not a betting man, but if I was, I would bet on her not coming back. She's not going to find some magical answer to whatever her problem is and then come immediately back to you. You are an individual with self-worth, you should respect yourself and go out there and meet other girls. There are 7 billion people in this world, roughly half are women...do not tie yourself to this one. I promise you will find plenty others, and AT LEAST one of them is going to be far beyond this one in terms of compatibility with you.

Don't hate women, don't fall for the various memes about females...just accept and respect that they naturally think/act differently than males, and realize she's not the only out there who is good for you.

I'm an anon on 4chan, so I don't expect you to single my opinions out as being worthy, but I want you to know that I have lived very similar scenarios in my years. I made my mistakes, but I truly believe what I just told you is the truth. Good luck.

>>17632284
> Men are spontaneous, women are calculated

Does that mean it's okay when men cheat or when men are the "other man?"

>>17633372
Did here friends approach you for that specifically or they ran into you? I've seen shit blow up in a group of friends bc I was the k let one to eat out a guy in my circle of friends who was fucking around on his serious gf, they talked about marriage and stuff I front of everyone before so k felt it was the right thing to do but others in the group got mad. I was baffled that people would willingly support the bad behavior just bc they were friends rather then trying to get the guy to cut the shit out they just pretended it never happened

>>17634074
Not at all it just means that the op gf wasn't just a 1 time thing it was a long series of bad decisions that lead to them planning to stay the night together and holing up

Not really in the same boat, but similar I guess.

Talked to a girl for a good two months, told her I liked her. She refused because I'm leaving for the Marines in March. After that night we got even closer oddly, and one day, it all fell apart because of an argument. A few days later we go to a party together, but I was able to fix it. Two weeks ago I hang out with her friend, and her friend says "I don't know if I should say this, but the girl you like started crushing on my friend Adam."

Anyways, we were very close those two months. I found out so much about her past that it kind of spooked me off. Idk if I'm willing to try things, but I'm mixed feelings if we do ever spark again. We argued last Wednesday, told her I was going to drop her right now because of all the shit she's put me through in a short period. We haven't talked since, I send her an occasional snapchat, but no actual conversation. We see each other weekly, but I feel like our time away from one another pushes us further.

Haven't spoken to her since the argument. What should I do? Just wait it out?

>>17634399
I wasn't able to fix it. It being our thing/relations**

File: 1443407225820.jpg (51KB, 819x613px) Image search: [Google]

51KB, 819x613px

>>17632284
>women
>not emotional

>>17632205

Sounds like she's not that happy with you, anon.

Maybe its time you rethink your relationship with her.

>>17632243

Even so, what difference is kissing and cuddling and sex? Sex is fucking sex, but even a hooker might not kiss you.

I have seen couples in a swingers relationship break up over kissing.

I would be more devastated and distraught over kissing than I would sex because it is so much more intimate and personal.

>>17632278

OP. Listen buddy...

I have seen relationships that survive shit like this. I have seen relationships that DON'T.

You want to know what the difference is? Every fucking time what the difference is?

The ones that survive are where the cheater do EVERYTHING in their power to fix it... IMMEDIATELY.

IMMEDIATELY.

The ones that fail are when the cheater creates distance out of remorse.

Think about her remorse objectively. Why would she be so ashamed to face you when you have already forgiven her?

WHY OP?

It is because you haven't forgiven EVERYTHING she did. The multitude of things that she DIDN'T tell you because she cannot forgive herself. Because deep down inside we all have this psychological need to believe we are good people, to the point where we cling to a fantasy that paints us in a heroic or victim way.

We constantly lie to ourselves to protect our own psyche, especially when we hurt others because it is psychologically damaging for a healthy minded person to HURT.

My friend.. my dearest friend OP... she has not been completely honest with you, and she will never admit it to you under the guise that she heroically does not want to harm you any more than necessary.

Deep down inside you KNOW this to be true OP. You cannot repair the foundation of a relationship on deceit. It is only a matter of time before it is apparent it is over. Save yourself the pain my friend and help end it quickly.

>>17632229
This is something you wasted three years with. It is not a person. Do not treat it as such. Treat it like the demon it is. Exorcise it from your life. It is nothing.

End it man! I was in the same situation a few years ago. I had been dating this girl for 3.5 years, and basically, she wanted time to date other guys and sleep around.

As with most girls these days, she said she hadn't "experienced" enough. She tried to give me that same "I just can't be what you need/best version of me" bullshit. She's basically looking for a way to fool around with other guys without feeling bad about it (cheating on you). That's why she doesn't want to be with you right now. It's also why she's trying to give you hope.

That way, when she's done messing around with other guys, she can come back to her safety net (you).

Just end it man. The girl that fucked me over like that ended up doing drugs, became one of the campus whores, dropped out of college and now has a kid by some random guy.

I, on the other hand, have just earned my Masters degree, have a successful IT career, hobbies that make me money, and have women coming to me because of what I have, and what I've accomplished.

>>17634399
Can anyone give me insight here? Kind of similar. I just want a advice or something.

>>17634557

Pretty much this, dude.

>>17634557
Anon...I think we'd be friends irl. I think you're spot on.

>>17633553
Underrated post

>>17634525
This very much

>>17632205
No advice will help you because we don't know your full relationship

>>17634557
under toasted roast

>>17632229
>this is someone I have spent over 3 years in a relationship with

>implying 3 years is a long time
child detected

>>17632299
This. There's nothing misogynistic about it; my sister was amazed as a child when I showed her I could make myself cry. Something like that would be vital to them; get them out of almost any situation. Boys would get impressed if you could flip your eyelids or ride a bike without using your hands. Shows a big difference in interests.

>>17632205

drop her like hot shit

>>17632205
eh sounds like she emotionally cheated on you, basically she's not getting what she needs from you.

I'd be worried, but what do I know, I'm just some dude on the internet.

>>17632229
Ha
Bro just leave her she deciding your worth. You know like shoes or a purse keep you or get the other one
Don't stay with a girl like that