How do I break up with someone who's severely depressed?

I would also like to know this. I don't want her to just kill herself, I still care about her and I want her to be happy but we are not happy together. But she was so much more depressed before... I'm so scared something will happen and it will be all my fault...

They're probably not going to kill themselves

You don't.

Either you care about them to help them through it or you gamble and break up with them.

There isn't some safe play where you get to break up and feel good about yourself.

>>17600217

depressed ppl need special treat them. you need to text them saying "meet me in the garage ASAP"

then look at them straight in their dumb eyes and say "this relationship is over and its your fault"

mic drop

walk out the room

f@m

>>17600259
Worst advice I've ever seen.

>>17600258
I care about him but shouldn't I care about myself too?

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>>17600217
You do it knowing that you may very well be taking away the only thing keeping them away from the edge of spiraling into suicide/drugs/alcohol/compulsive eating\spending/cutting/bankruptcy.
No way out.

If you are certain that there is no way around ending it, be honest with them about why, say you're sorry (even if you aren't), and leave their life completely.

>>17600217
Sadly you have to do what is best for you and also honor them by not bullshiting feelings. If they do hurt themselves after you break up it is on them not you and don't go back.

staying with him because he's depressed is actually really depressing. I wish you were sympathetic to people's problems and didn't get wet on false bravado, but no amount of wishing is going to change that. You're right that you should be honest and go for what you want, and again I'll say that he would probably be extremely fucked up if he knew you were staying with him out of sympathy. /adv/ is giving shitty non-advice as usual.

that's my general advice. I can't say whether you're right or wrong, or exactly how to go about it, because I only have one account and no descriptive details.

>>17600293
and this.

>>17600285
it's their own fault, their parent's fault, whatever. she's not their caretaker.

>>17600313
He is nearly 30 years old, no job, no degree, can't drive, lives with Mom and Dad who pay for everything. Claims he wants to be an animator but he hasn't animated anything in 10+ years and his art is terrible but he refuses to practice because he insists it won't help him. I have pretty bad depression too, but I have a job and a license and some college education and yeah, I don't have all my shit together, but I'm on the road to it, at least. I just don't think at this point in my life I'm capable of basically taking care of him should we attempt to build a future together. He's a warm, sweet, loving man, but I don't see this going anywhere. I've tried my hardest to encourage him--offered to help him learn to drive, brainstormed ideas for animations so he can build a portfolio, but he just dodges my efforts and avoids having to put in the effort by drowning himself in video games. I know that's part of depression, I know because I do it too, and I think he's worth trying to help but I don't think that I, a fellow depressed person, am able to be the one to do it. I'm not a doctor, you know?

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>How do I break up with someone who's severely depressed?

The same way you break up with someone who isn't. Truthfully and with respect.

The only difference is that if he even hints at wanting to harm himself you call the police and have them intervene. Suicide isn't a joke nor is it a tool to manipulate people and it should be taken seriously.

Think of it like this; if he threatens suicide and actually plans on doing it you'll save his life and he'll be committed to a facility where he'll get the evaluation he needs. If he threatens suicide and doesnt plan on doing it he'll be committed to a facility where he'll get some time think and hopefully come to the realization that using the threat of suicide to manipulate people is fucked up.

Advice like this >>17600258 is inherently toxic. I understand you care deeply about him but his mental health is not your responsibility. You can't be the caretaker of his psychological well being nor can you get in the habit of allowing people to essentially use their disorders to hold you hostage in dysfunctional relationships.

If he threatens suicide, call the police. No ifs ands or buts. Other than that you'll just have to rectify your feelings for him with your feelings for yourself. Many people have been in the situation you're in but you know on some level that you can't just stay with him until he can stand on his own two feet.

That's not only unfair to you but its also not allowing him to focus on himself and learn to live without other people propping him up. When he hits rock bottom he'll either decide to focus on his mental health or he'll let the disease beat him and he'll die.

Either way, he has to make that decision and carry the weight of it on his own.

>>17600332
>has a fuckton of substantial dirt on his character
>indentifies as being really depressed as well

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9Deg7VrpHbM

>very sensitive, caring person
>puts all of his life effort into videogames
>is 30

him succumbing to his difficulties with the world is probably not a good influence on you. I would get out, and explain to him that you love him but you can't be around the quitting anymore.

this really seems like an easy thing to create an ultimatum on. everyone hates ultimatums because they're self-centered, so just try to make it a lot about him and leave quickly if he doesn't do it.

in brief, say "I really, genuinely love you, but I personally cannot stand you submitting to your problems and putting most of your effort into videogames. I will always care for you, but it is this caring (and my own battle with depression) that make seeing you waste your life very painful to me."

sorry for any assumptions I made about your intentions. there are a lot of vapid people on here who simply get bored of their partners.

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>>17600332
Explain to him that you need someone who can help provide for himself and you, ostensibly children, and who is doing enough to be considered an adult.

Depending on his relationship with his parents, you can ask them to keep an eye on him and such. He clearly needs therapy and nothing you do will help.

And come date me, someone with varying success for my age. I'd love a girl who loves me despite depression, who understands.

>>17600350
>>17600332
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lg8TCuH-HCw&index=3&list=PLlnilUE_l_6rsVxxJ8rMS4KE5o0J_fpS5

>>17600362
damn

>>17600217
>>17600243
you faggots think life is going to be easy? That your partner is going to be happy forever? That you are so perfect you can make another human being happy no matter what?

Would you want your love to stay with you if something happens to you?

This isn't about "you need to worry about YOUR happiness". This is about having unrealistic expectations in relationships. Your next partner is going to have some fucked up depression or sadness as well. Going to bail on them as well?

Are you one of those fucking retards that think "one love is not realistic" and we jump from partner to partner when you get bored? If so wait till you're in your mid 40s where you are alone and you realize you still have fucking 40+ years to go living by yourself because you couldn't be fucked with patience as your partner got over their depression.

>>17600332
Nothing in there about getting him to see a psychiatrist, medications, or anything.

He's depressed. Of course he's going to say it won't help you dumbfuck.
>I'm depressed and I'm doing great!
yeah, sure you are. With that kind of empathy you're going to go far in relationships.

>>17600385
He sees a psychiatrist and is on several different medications and has even undergone electroshock therapy.

>>17600385
>supposedly giving advice
>incoherence followed by "dumbfuck"

i'm here trying to help. gtfo.

>>17600402
Say, "We are breaking up, and I'm moving on"

He'll plead and cry and throw a temper tantrum. He'll try to manipulate you by threatening suicide and all that childish bullshit. And if you fall into his bullshit you're weak and deserve to be with him forever.

>>17600243
>>17600217
Don't give me that bullshit, you're only worried FOR YOUR skin. Because YOU'LL feel guilty if said person kills themselves. If you really cared about that person you'd be with them through thick and thin, good news for you life isn't like that it's not a fairy tale and no one expects you to be that way.

Just don't lie to yourself with this self righteous martyr bullshit

Okay, a lot of people are bringing up suicide and I wasn't sure why at first, but now I see what the problem is. When I said I was afraid he'd die without me, I wasn't talking about suicide. I'm sorry for that confusion. I literally meant that without me pushing him he'd never grow out of being a NEET and would be 100% fucked when his (already aging) parents died and he couldn't support himself. THAT'S why I'm scared he'll die. He has never expressed suicidal ideation or said or done anything emotionally manipulative. That's not how he is. In fact, he's so passive and non-confrontational that if I broke up with him I can't imagine him doing anything other than just completely shutting down and becoming unresponsive, which in a lot of ways is worse.

>>17600437
they're thinking he might be some emotionally labile person who becomes very crazy and threatens suicide at the end of relationships, typically someone unstable and afraid of abandonment.

and yeah that's a pretty big assumption I guess.

>I'm afraid he'll die if his parents aren't supporting him.
We're talking about a grown man here. He'll have to work to come home and play his vidya. Maybe it'll be good for him. Depends how dystopian the future is. Either way, he's a grown man and that's not your responsibility.

>>17600350
I think this is pretty good advice.

OP, you seem like a considerate person that has done what she can to help. I hope you ignore the shitty replies ITT and find a good resolution to this problem. Good luck to you

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You people trying to guilt the OP for wanting out of a toxic relationship should be ashamed of yourselves.

The moment your partner starts using their mental illness to manipulate you to stay in a relationship with them, you've got your pass to break it off without any guilt. At that instant they're not your partner anymore, they're your jailer.

Seriously, fuck you guys.

>>17600259
best adv ITT