Does it get better?

>>17599884
Listen stop it. Move on and don't bother with the bullshit

Do NOT go back to her

Just block her facebook and move on
Take up a hobby or something to take your mind off of it

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>>17599884
(...)
I guess I am searching for guidance, someone to offer some advice that will allow me to see things clearer again.

I've been going out with friends as much as I can whenever I am not studying, but getting drunk makes me even more nostalgic about everything.

I know I should move on. I know I shouldn't be holding onto the idea of her coming back because she decided to replace me by someone else. I wish I could control all these feelings. I wish I had the courage to delete her from facebook so that I don't have to see what she's posting every day. But then again, I wish that she hadn't fucked it up, for once in my life I thought everything was perfect, we had something good and she threw it away for nothing. Fuck.

>>17599884
Even if she wanted you back she's not worth taking back.

Move on with your life. Get find a new girl your into. Shouldn't be hard to find a better one.

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>>17599902
>>17599903
I think my biggest issue is not about going back to her. I know rationally that it shouldn't happen. I wouldn't be able to trust her and that's pretty much it.

The issue is that I still think about it subconsciously.

The bigger issue is that I am losing all faith in love, and, to be honest, my number 1 drive in life is to pursue love. Sure I have other hobbies, sure I am studying and am not the least interesting guy in the world, but my number 1 drive in life is to find THE girl, to settle down and have a family.

And I thought I had found her.. but turns out I was wrong.

Now I am just not believe in love anymore I guess, my number 1 drive in life has been a lie all this time. Guess that's the source of my depression.

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>>17599884

It will really suck for awhile.

Delete everything you have of hers. Radio silence. No contact. If you catch yourself thinking about it, do something else.

DONT TALK TO HER. Every time you reach out and give in to the thought that she might come back you basically restart the mourning clock.

Right now it feels like its the end of the world. In another month it'll bother you a few times a day. A month after that maybe every other day. A month after that maybe once a week.

Eventually you'll only think about her once in a blue moon. After the months turn into years you wont even be able to remember her face.

Take it from an oldfag who has loved and lost many times over. There's nothing you can do to get over the hurt, you just sit with it for awhile, say goodbye to it and watch it slowly creep away. The only thing you can do to fuck up right now is to let her back into your life.

She ground your heart into the pavement once, dont let your loneliness trick you into thinking she won't do it again.

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>>17599955
I deleted all our photos from both my phone and computer.
There's no more photos to remind me of us, apart from a physical one she gave me in a frame. That one I've got in my room hidden away in a box.

I haven't contacted or will contact her, my pride is far too strong for that.

I know time heals all the wounds, I've been through this before as well, but this time it's being harder because of what I said in >>17599954

I honestly kinda hope that she ends up with that guy and doesn't regret it and just stick to her guns, I fear having her coming back to me saying she's sorry, I don't want to have to go through that.

>>17599983
OP you're way ahead of the usual woe is me fools who post their stories here. You acknowledge that you are hurting and at the same time hold rational views as to what you need to do post break up. I know that dreaded feeling of getting a text or call from an ex trying to fix things. You're gonna be ok.

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>>17600032
Yes, I started a journal where I write all the reasons why rationally I shouldn't take her back and all the shit I've been through just so I can read it whenever I feel bad and remind myself why it's not a good idea to get back to her.

I started talking and ended up not addressing my real issue and the reason why I made this post, people ended up thinking I was questioning whether or not I should take her back, but in fact I guess I just wanted to hear people saying things get better, sharing their (success) stories and making me feel like love is still worth a shot and I should go into cocoon mode repulsing everyone and not believing in anything beyond carnal.

Fuck I wish I could go out tomorrow and find someone new, someone that would shine some light upon me and reinvigorate my life with love, even if it ended after a while, I'd like to feel that it's possible for me to love someone else, I've never loved anyone else but this girl and it hurts.

>>17600099
shouldn't go into cocoon mode*

>>17600099
https://youtu.be/wQTbkEeCTeM

Watch this. It gets a point across that I can't put into words well.

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>>17600112
That hit close to home.

But I am not sure how to feel about it, nor do I want to take that as a dogma. I'll hold onto this video and come back to it later I guess.

>>17600125
The only thing that I would take from it is the it's better to of loved and lost than to of never loved at all. Feeling shitty isn't the token moment of being in a relationship haha you're wise in not taking that as truth.

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>>17600126
Yeah, that's what I took from it as well.

I know about it though, hell if I could ask for it I'd be falling in love for someone new by tomorrow already. Even though I know it's probably going to end up like everything in life: dead.

I just don't know if I can act naively anymore about love, to say things are forever, take marriage for example...

>>17600126
Oh and thanks for that link, been wanting to see Louie series for a while and that made me want to go and download it right away!

>>17600142
Yea I share similar thoughts about marriage. I think of us as animals who as far as anyone is concerned are here to fuck and survive. When it comes down to it we're always gonna desire sex with others and what seperates loyal folk from cheaters is the will power. . On one hand there's the argument that evolutionary speaking it's more beneficial for there to be monogamous couples. However, as long as you're honest to the other person, you should be free to date who you want. I don't know... I have no issues committing to one person. and yea. Nothing lasts forever. That's the universe for you. Even the grandest of stars will die millions of years from now.

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>>17600172
I feel as though I am out of place.
I let myself be ruled by some pretty strict principles and social norms and they are what defines me in the way I see myself.

When it comes to loyalty for example I think it's one of the most important principles a man can have: to not cheat on his girlfriend / wife.

Whenever a girl started flirting with me I'd just deflect it right away and avoid being near said person, I always managed relationships pretty well in that department.

I'd be content if I could find a woman that shared that same trait as me, if so I'd believe in marriage. But it doesn't seem to work that way, I look around and some friends have girlfriends that don't last either and others are just talking with multiple girls and fucking one while thinking about the next one for the following week.

This is kinda derailing a bit but I feel saddened by the whole social-sexual relationships spectrum.

I would also like to know how things will ever be better. I just had an 8 year relationship with a girl I deeply love end. This hurts more than anything I have ever felt.

She might take our dog. I might never see my dog again. I'm going to lose so much.

>>17599884
people are monsters, OP. you have to screen them before trusting them at all. I would say that empty promises about having kids is enough of a red flag to reduce to "fuckhole traitor not exactly adult piece of shit discard asap" level. And look, she was only that valuable as a person.

>>17600193
Shit man, I am sorry to hear that, I'd buy you a beer if we weren't over the internet. My relationship with this girl had spanned over a period of 4 years, half of yours so I can only imagine what you must be going through. Hang on there, generally very good advice is being dropped into this thread, let's wait for some more kind words of advice.

>>17600195
I don't want to fall into that pit of hatred, I realize she fucked up badly but I cannot expect to condemn someone for having feelings for somebody else, I can however by how shitty she is at managing her feelings and saying things she can't back up with her own force of will, but still, hatred is very much close to love, so it's good that I can try and cultivate something else.

>>17600223
>I can't fall into that pit of hatred
alright, but then you go on to condone that kind of shitty behavior? "oh I can't blame her for liking someone else." I'm not blaming her for liking anyone else. anyone with a sex drive is going to like multiple people at the same time, but she told you emotionally manipulative bullshit about how she wanted to be exclusive with you that just wasn't true at all, then left you for some guy she just met who was more exciting or confident or something? that's not love or wanting to have kids, so she lied right to your goddamned face about family and love. she's a cunt.

that "she didn't do anything wrong" thing bullshit. that's some politically correct bullshit that is not going to survive once the going gets tough. it's this kind of rolling over for partners to be nightmarish that leads to emotionally unhealthy households.

at least anger is energizing. this letting people run over you in the driveway shit would leave me depressed too. what's depressing is how many women act without any regard for their partner's feelings.

>>17600236
>households
if it even gets to that point. this kind of manipulation from females is only second to hood dads who knock people up and leave them.

>>17599884
Pretty wise replies I read. And yes, it does get Better. How much Better? That depends on You. And you can start by Deciding who makes you Happy starting by Yourself. Forget what you have been taught about family, monogamy, one love for all life, the woman of your life.... etc. Like they say from where I come from: "Better Alone! then with bad (or mediocre) company." Take the sad experience to LEARN, of people and Most of All from Yourself. As long as you don't turn the sadness and anguish into hate, it will Get Better! Ride On and Beyong!

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>>17600236
Alright, I do condone her in a way, I do hate her as well, but it doesn't feel right to say it I guess.
Deep down I'd love for her and this other guy to fail miserably, for her to realize how shitty her decision was, for her to realize he's dumber than what it looked like, an asshole, micropenis'd cunt with premature ejaculation.

But at the same time, I feel like it's petty, I feel like if I let those raw emotions take over me I'll end up suffering more in the long term, I'm trying to deal with this through apathy. Am I on the right path? Shit I don't know.

>>17600275
my guess is that the best thing to do would be to get angry and do better for yourself next time. it sounds like you still care about her whims and shit. maybe stop that. she's not worth that kind of consideration, I'm telling you.

it's not like high school where some guys just don't get laid. nearly everyone gets laid, but some guys have to take a lot of shit. don't be one of those guys pulling his hair out over the loss of his succubus.

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>>17600276
I know man, she showed her true colors and even though she still says she wants to end up with me, that just makes it worse to be honest, it makes me feel as though as she thinks of me as a safety net.

I honestly have no idea if things went through with that other guy or not. I am pretty sure they did, when I have that confirmation that's when I am going to hit rock bottom, but I'd say that's also the point where I'll finally be able to get some closure. Then the hate will kick in harder than ever.


PS: I am watching a movie called "Take this Waltz" and how boy I think I just fucked up on picking this movie up. Not sure if anyone has ever seen it but so far it seems like I am in for a treat, this married girl basically is falling for another guy.

>>17600272
*Beyond

>>17600294
you're not cursing her out when she leads you on while fucking another guy? you're watching romance movies?

jesus Christ. go dirtbiking or some shit. talk to a female friend about the shit she's putting you through. they'll all tell you this is fucking ridiculous.

stop allowing it as soon as you have the guts

>>17600303
I have no idea, I have been watching random movies, without even bothering to see what they're about just to distract myself.

But apparently I found one while I am writing in this thread that seems to be about a girl cheating on her husband, not a romantic movie in my book. Just ironic.

I am cursing her out, just not entirely, there's always a bit of hope, no matter how small, it's what makes people linger on shit they shouldn't. Trust me, I'd love to be over her, I really do.

And our mutual girl friend who's close to both of us backs me up, she knows what she did made no sense and she told me she is 100% sure she's going to regret whatever she's doing and try to come back to me in no time because of what she tells her. But she also advised me not to fall for that, and that's what I intend to do.

>>17600322
you should be clinging to her becoming extremely remorseful and seeing a therapist or something to work out why she did that, also telling you what she wasn't satisfied with so you can work on it.

but that rarely happens, and anyone who gets excited for being toyed with kind of deserves what they get, unfortunately.

you have the remote to turn the movie off, and you have a computer to pirate almost any movie.

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>>17600327
I know man, it's normal I am still hurt and having remainders of our relationship in me since it's not even been 2 months since we broke up, I am dealing decently with that situation to be honest.

The thread is not so much about this specific thing, but about things in general... do things get better? How can you cope with this and not bring this baggage into new relationships, and let this pain affect your commitment to any new relationship.

>>17600378
It will affect the future, honestly, and it should. The feelings of loss and remorse (which are normal, you're right), are going to be in opposition to her playing you.

Being played it supposed to change how you look at other people. This isn't encouraging paranoia. Give everyone innocence until proven guilty.

The most effective way to improve the people to around you is to change where you're at. That will determine how the future goes.

>>17600399
As in, I should take my pain, sorrow and mourning and turn it into something positive such as knowledge, knowledge I should use to grow up, to keep developing myself as a person, but what I feel like is that this knowledge could affect a future lover negatively, maybe I am wrong, but I fear I'll just be one step back all the time now, always thinking that all the words coming out through someone's mouth are worth nothing at the end of the day...

>>17600425
it's pop psychology to say that everyone has their own "love language" but I suggest anyone who's love language is "words of affection" should learn a new love language.

OP, you deserve better...I've loved you this whole time.

Wow wasn't that easy.

And no, this new information about how people can behave should be informative and therefore helpful to you. Only you decide whether or not this new information is going to "hurt future partners," but I think that is getting too far ahead at the moment.

>>17600435
I guess you are right, I for one was always a man of actions rather than words, it felt weird for me sometimes and unnatural to communicate with my ex because of how much she loved words to express how she felt and I would just have to throw in some reply that would be equivalent to her demonstration of affection...

Deep down to be honest, I always knew it couldn't last, there were some small things that made me question it.

Things I hope I'll be able to distinguish in the future. I just hope I can find someone who will be able to show me there's still a lot to love I have yet to see. Here's to hoping

>>17600457
gonna go on a limb saying this and hope it's factually correct

a lot of the successful relationships I have seen go like this

>both know boundaries and show the same interest
>both have patience and admit around the same time that they are "falling for" each other
>both gradually start to commit to one another because they have only seen 'yellow flags' and no 'red flags' (like you're describing, things that make you say, "this isn't going to last")

get to that stage first, and you'll probably see a lot further into this monogamy adventure stuff, and hopefully society will be better for it.

your ability to do this with a girl goes back to what I said about getting girls being easy but getting ones who aren't outta hell takes a special type of guy. it's that, in combination with what I said about changing where you are/go to get a different kind of people around you.

>>17600492
Here's to hoping, right now my ego is so low after all this bullshit that I doubt I'll be able to get anyone new anytime soon.

Oh and that movie I was watching, "Take that Waltz" was actually a great movie to see, godsend. It isn't a romantic movie, more like a drama with a fitting message for me and anyone in my position I'd say.