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i'm 26. i'm currently in my first serious relationship. i'm a recovering autist which helps to explain my late blooming. my gf and i have been together 1.5 years. she's a good person and most days i've been happy with the relationship. she has some serious issues with stress/anxiety management, possesses a fairly poor work ethic, and employs childish tactics when she's upset. these are expected flaws of a 21 y/o. in terms of physical attractiveness she's ~6.5. if she were to diet and lift then she could be a point higher but the poor work ethic gets in the way.
i was accepted into a fairly selective program and the semester has been going well. i'm spending a lot of hours with a relatively small group and there is a female peer that i've taken quite a liking to. she's a very attractive girl and is receiving a lot of attention from other guys in the program. she's the type to get lots of attention when she's walking to her car. she's very responsible with her work and seems rather intelligent. there isn't much to dislike about her. obviously i'm not privy to her more personal life so this is more of a cursory glance of her. i understand that just about anyone can come off as likable if you don't know much about them.
the dilemma isn't that there's an attractive girl in my class. the dilemma is that i'm convinced she's into me and i can't help but be into her despite the fact that i'm currently in a committed relationship.
i'm inexperienced with romance and relationships so this is uncharted territory. i know that this new girl is going to present a "the grass is always greener" scenario. my gf is obviously more than just her flaws else i wouldn't be with her. she's a great person but there are frustrations in the relationship. she's committed to me and talks about marriage and kids but i'm not so convinced. i know what sort of person i am. i'm patient and forgiving. i will tolerate my gf's shortcomings but should i if there is an alternative? is it right?
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>>17596111
pls respond
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Either way it sounds like you're over your girlfriend or just the idea of being committed right now. You got multiple issues with your girlfriend's personality and appearance. What's more is your unsure about being dragged into marriage or kids any time soon. Needless to say you're priorities are different than hers since your still working towards your career.
There's no need to "tolerate" a person in a relationship just because you don't like the idea of being single, which is the hidden sentiment in your post. You see your two options as staying in a relationship you have mixed feelings about (and wasting your girlfriend's time, who wants to be on her way to marriage), or vine swinging straight into another commitment. The reality is that there's no guarantee girl B wants to date you, but you're using her as an escapist fantasy to distract yourself from your unhappiness in your own relationship.
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>>17596227
This actually happened to me during birth. Not funny man, now I have aspergers.
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It's amazing how relationships are suddenly a burden when another appealing person enters the picture. Your situation is not unique.
I think regardless of whether or not new girl likes you, do the right thing and end it with your girlfriend so she can find someone who is willing to love her entirely without the threat of him jumping ship when 'better' comes along.
Relationship security is one of the most important things along with trust.
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>>17596234
i'm sorry to hear that friend.
>>17596233
am i just falling into a classic trap? inexperienced guy lands his first gf and suddenly forgets how shitty it is to be single? with the exception of dating around, i didn't have a single serious relationship for my entire adolescent and young adult years. it's not like i had a lot of offers on the table. naturally i pursued a fair number of girls and was pursued by a handful in turn but those two groups never overlapped till my current gf.
i tolerate her flaws. the flaws are numerous and frustrating but i have a hard time justifying breaking up because of them. a few of them come close to being red flags but i suppose my judgement is a bit clouded since i do care a lot about her. i know that she would be devastated if i broke it off and i don't want to do that to her. the theme of "putting her first" has been a constant in the relationship and it's fatiguing sometimes. there have been long periods of time where i've felt unhappy within the relationship but kept quiet or downplayed it to ensure she would be comfortable.
we don't see eye to eye on our future. that is a conversation i've been wanting to have with her.
i don't intend on cheating or "swinging" straight into a relationship with the new girl. i have no idea if she's truly interested in me though part of me is convinced of the fact. i would want to be out of a relationship completely before i were to flirt and/or date both for my conscience and out of respect for my gf.
just trying to figure out if i should.
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>>17596325
Have you considered that she tolerates your blatant autism? Will this new girl handle all of your flaws that you have conveniently overlooked? You do what you want, anon. If she's as coveted as you say she is then she won't have any problems dropping you down the road either :)
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>>17596335
i don't feel like i've painted a bias picture. obviously i have flaws else i wouldn't have been single till 25. my flaws aren't really a factor in the scenario.
and it's not as if i'm banking on this new girl being interested in me and us hitting it off. if i wanted to avoid risk then i would be flirting and pursuing this new girl while being in a relationship and only breaking it off when i felt secure about my future with the new girl.
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>>17596325
yeah stay a pussy and stay unhappy
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