Currently dating this girl. She's a real sweetheart. Problem

let me know if you find out

I can't get over that

girls enjoy being used sometimes

they look like victim and they have nights of fun

>>17595308
She had sex with them because she wanted to. She wanted to fuck them. There's nothing inherently bad about it, but stop treating her like a poor innocent girl manipulated into sex by two bad guys.
If she didn't want to fuck them but wanted commitment, she could have avoided fucking till well into the relationship. It's that easy.

You either get over this or break up with her. There is no other way to solve this issue. If you cannot deal with it, let her go.
Just remember that since you lost your virginity, you can now stop pulling this bullshit with your next girl since, if you expected her to be virgin after you fucked, you'd be an hypocrite.

>>17595308

>>>/r9k/

Just skip the inevitable 50 posts calling you an insecure faggot and go straight to where the like minded idiots live

>>17595328
So why did she put it that way? She kept saying "oh these boys knew just what to say" so I'm guessing either she's not taking responsibility for her actions by blaming the guys when she knows well enough tinder is basically for hooking up

Is this a red flag pr what?

Look here, if you are convinced that you can never love anyone who is not a virgin you should not date people who are not virgins period. You probably don't want to see it that way, but right now you are the third guy to string her along and imply more than you'll give her. You are also contemplating right now whether you will or won't be able to love her at all ever, while she is probably caring more about you by the day. So if this is how you really feel, don't be a cold douchebag and dump her now, not in half a year or a few years when you've decided only a virgin bride is good enough for you.

As for whether it's normal, that's hard to say. Obviously at least most men can look past it, but this isn't exactly a preference that people are vocal about. You are also appearing to be fine with dating a non-virgin girl, which you're not. And at the end of the day, whether what you want is normal or not isn't that crazily important if you are sure that you cannot compromise on it.

What I DO hear, is that you are pretty much sabotaging something that could have been a great relationship because you are convinced that it won't work out. Except that you agreed to dating her, so you must've at some point held hope anyway. There's a difference between knowing for a fact that you don't want a girl who's not a virgin, and being afraid you won't want them so you ruin things before you find it out for yourself. That doesn't seem worth limiting your dating pool tremendously for.

And a final note is that I also think there's a difference between wanting a partner who hasn't had sex, and being turned off that your partner was regarded lowly by others. It is pretty shitty to think that she is less valuable because some random fratbro thought she wasn't. Have you been bullied and rejected in your life? Would you want a girl to feel bad about dating you because other girls thought little of you? I thought so.

>>17595328
I don't entirely disagree but to be fair, it's not exactly uncommon for guys to court a girl hard (flowers at work, cutesy late night texts, nicknames, the work) and drop her like a brick after sex. It's not always clear what the other person wants from you.

>>17595308
This feeling is natural IMO. Evolutionary speaking, you are better not committing your resources to a girl if you have reasons to suspect she may carry the kid of another guy.

>>17595308
This stems from deep-rooted insecurities. It's probably not something you can fix and you'll be lonely and miserable forever.

Bitch can't take responsibility for her own actions and blames the men she actively looked for on a hookup app. Dump the slag. The sweetness is just an act. She's going to give you a lifetime of problems.

>advice your cuck father never gave you

Even if she was a virgin, she used tinder and any girl that has used that app has realized and internalized hypergamy. Keep her around for sex if you want because that's the only thing she is good for now, sorry.
She might be offering you commitment (I love you, etc.) But she only says those things for you because that is what she wants to hear you saying, so she obviously knows you have doubts about her. I had some experience with a girl like that, she looked like marriage material but once I knew her better she had fucked some guys from tinder first week she used the app. " It was nothing, one just picked me up and we got along really well, and the other dude took me to parties and stuff like that". Consider that she was 18 when this happened, imagine that. I couldn't look at her anymore. Women know that once you see them as used whores you can't unsee them and consider them marriage material, and they only will pursue commitment once they had enough, so don't do it, finish with her, but not because she is not a virgin that's stupid, even if that was the case don't tell her that. Just say you are not feeling it anymore, she will understsnd what you mean.

She is overacting to get your approval because she knows she doesn't deserve it. Record audio when you finish with her because she will make the greatest tantrum you have ever seen in your life, she will show her true face. This is about not appearing as a whore so she will to bring you down to prove herself. Keep evidence of everything. It's hard to admit but you have to or else she will claim something else happened. I did the same and boy did she reacted badly, after that she told everyone that i tried to force myself into her. I had recorded the conversation and had a witness from afar (I asked another female friend) and only because my friend was there did people believed me, otherwise the audio WOULDN'T have been enough.

I know your pain anon.
It's your choice, if you stay with her you might forever suffer, you get used to it though.

If you act like a victim of the past, let alone someone else's past, you have a long unpleasant road ahead of you

>>17595355
She's not taking responsibility for her actions. It's not even about tinder, but I make guys wait and never had any issue with stuff like that.
You're either admitting you're easy or you're retarded.

>>17595364
You can fucking tell.
If a guy is being overly nice to me, I know he wants to fuck me. If he keeps telling me generic, meaningless compliments, I know he says those shit to everybody. It's not that hard.
I date guys who are moderately nice to me, spend time with me and make them wait few months before getting any action.
Those who stay are here for the long run.

>>17595405
Okay so what do u suggest? Should I just break it off with her because ive come to terms that I cant love her? Should I stay with her for the sex? Should I talk to her about these things, even though that would destroy her emotionally? Im very lost

>>17595411
If you cannot stay with her, just break up.
If you stay with her for the sex you're worse than those 2 guys.

>>17595405
Good for you, but some people are more trusting than others, some people haven't had bad experiences yet, hell who knows she might just be thick and naïve. Still I don't think it's more your responsibility that you did not see through someone's deception than that someone else lied about his intentions.

Obviously we don't have the full situation though. There's a big difference between saying it was their fault because they were so charming she concluded there was more, or saying it was their fault because they actually led her to believe that they were looking for a relationship.

>>17595419
There is no fault here.
She wanted to have sex. He wanted too. They had sex.
If she didn't want to have sex and cared about her virginity, she simply could have avoided having sex. She wasn't raped. She had sex willingly

I don't think there's anything inherently bad with the fact she had sex, but I think it is stupid to treat her like a poor innocent girl.
It is fine to have sex, it is not fine to not take responsibility for your choice to have sex.

>>17595418
What if she asks why? Do I tell the truth?

>>17595419
I agree man. I know this girl, I think she is somewhat naive. For example one time a guy she knew from hs walked up to her and asked for her number and she gave it to him. I asked why did she do that when the guy was clearly hitting on her. She said "idk it would be weird if i said no" and when I told her in general guys dont want your number just to talk about sports and cupcakes she had a hard time understanding that. So I think on some level she did want to fuck, but she did it with the hope of getting a relationship. Either way she's still easy imo, bc all it took was a few words

>>17595436
>What if she asks why? Do I tell the truth?
"I have a hard time accepting your past, I feel like I cannot give you the affection you deserve and I'll end up ruining it in the long term"
Don't insult her, don't call her slut, say you're sorry and it is your fault.

>>17595308
Just stay with her man, also look for a new girl to fall in love with in the mean time.

>>17595433
I don't agree that it's as simple as you make it out to be. In any other situation it would be frowned upon to intentionally misrepresent your motives and goals to get something from someone you suspect they might withhold otherwise. Why would sex be different? Again, if she assumed she assumed, no matter how charming they were. But if they were talking about getting together to get in her pants, that's not just two adults having mutually wanted sex. She has not been given the chance to decide for herself whether she wants what it actually is (a hook up).

Now if the guy changes his mind it's simple, those things happen and it's unfortunate but no one is to blame. But manipulating someone is a different deal.

>>17595438
Okay. This is ganna be hard because weve been dating for 9 months and I do care about her, and she has been nothing but faithful. But youre definately right, if I cant love her its not fair to stay with her. I really appreciate the advice, you and everyone itt.

>>17595450
This is a good idea

>Also i lost my virginity to this girl
You don't think you can love her. But you lost your virginity to her.
>She says she loves me. I don't think I can ever love her. Simply cause I wasn't her first.
You don't think you can love her because she wasn't a virgin, but now you are not a virgin. Do you think you are incapable of being loved now?

Virginity genuinely isn't as important as you're making it out to be. This whole thing is a mixture of insecurity and jealousy. Work through those issues and see if, once you have, you can love her. If you can't it's okay to move on, but you need to realize that the issue here is your insecurity and jealousy, and continue to work through it so that it's not an issue in the future. Figure out if you have a good thing going and you care about this person (other than the fact that she lost her virginity to someone else).

>>17595452
Even assuming she was "tricked" into having sex, she had poor judgement at the very least and didn't try really hard to avoid this kind of situations.
I'm not saying they've been wonderful, but it's silly to "blame" them for anything.

>>17595473
Tbh if she had one single long term boyfriend I wouldnt mind. Even if she was raped, I wouldnt mind because it was not her choice. But she basically hooked up with 2 players on tinder, and that makes me feel like shit

>>17595495
She also made excuses and blamed the men instead of taking responsibility for her own decisions.

>>17595495
Alright so we've identified the real problem. It's not that she's not a virgin, it's that you want sex to be a thing in committed relationships. Maybe she was used - which is genuinely shitty, that sort of stuff happens sometimes - and maybe she's lying to you to have an excuse about having hooked up twice.

You have to figure out if the distinction matters to you, if you believe her, and if it is the case if you can look past it. Everyone makes mistakes or gets used sometimes and part of learning how not to be is failing to avoid it. That's life.

Figure out if this matters to you, and possibly have a conversation with her about one another's views on casual sex. Try to determine whether or not your answers and values are compatible.

>>17595557
She told me she cant have sex with someone without having an "emotional connection", But clearly she did it so that confuses me?

>>17595723
If I were you I'd try out a relationship with her. Don't get too emotionally invested in the beginning, she's shown some downsides. Maybe she will proove herself. But that's me.
You said you can never love her. Sounds like you shouldn't even be asking on adv what to do, but should be telling her to fuck off.

>>17595770
I am in a relationship with her. 9 months. These thoughts have been coming to me the past few weeks after she told me she loves me. I think shes just trying to get my approval. She already has proved her faithfulness to me, its just her past im caught up about

She's either stupid or a lying slut. Pick your poison.

>>17595806
She's probably telling you that she loves you because she loves you.

It's ok to be upset about someone's past. Read stories of anons who found out their girlfriends had been in gangbangs or slept with 80+ men and such. Yours doesn't sound like a major slut, so it's worth thinking about trying to look over it.

>>17595308
Dump her so she can find a non-/pol/tard bf

>>17595308
>She says she loves me. I don't think I can ever love her. Simply cause I wasn't her first. It pains me to think of another mans penis inside her, for this reason I feel like I can never give my all to her. Is this fucked or normal?
>i cant love her because i didnt fuck her first
you sound like a fucking retard
also, see>>17595360

>>17595806
So she slept with two dudes before meeting you? Who gives a shit dude, it's not like she was doing porn or got gang banged by 8 dicks at once.

She loves you and your cock is the last one that was in her. If you love her tell her and if you are going to let this make you miserable you are going to make her miserable.

>>17595867
He gives a shit about it. Why it isn't fine to have a fucking preference?
Some guys don't want to fuck girls who had casual sex. It's okay. No one dies.

lol boo-hoo. you seem really insecure... if it's that big of a deal-breaker, just end it. Set her free to date someone who isn't going to be so judgemental and appreciate what she has to offer beyond her sexual past. pshh.

>>17595308
no its not fucked up all guys think that way, but it is definitely insecure. you cant relate to the girl because you havent had sex a lot like she did.

>>17595328
listen here you virgin degenerate have you heard of the word rape

>>17595973
She wasn't raped. She fucked them and then they left her.

>>17595405
yeah you know what those comments meant because you learned the hard way you lieing hypocrite

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If you are looking for "romantic" or "sepcial" you are going to end up as a sorry kek sooner or later caus you'll get played in some shitty "love" game. Remember my advise you won't listen to anyway. Enjoy fucking her, drop her instantly once you feel something is starting to get fishy, go for someone else. But don't even think about "special" :magical" shit when planning a relationship, it's totally different dynamics than that. You've met her on Tinder anyway, who were you looking for in there? A pure maiden? What the fuck. Get your shit together, and fix your head and goals.

>>17595977
I am 26, I had two partners (current boyfriend, and past long term boyfriend of 8 years).
I just behave like a responsible adult. It's not that hard. You should try.

>>17595981
Shes never been fishy, like i said im just caught up about her past

I did NOT meet her on tinder. She met her two past partners there

>>17595991
But she was ready to fall for two guys she randomly fucked on a fuckdate app. Just take it slow, there is 90% that sooner or later things will change, play it carefully and enjoy.

Is it your first? It seems so from your posts, otherwise you wouldn't care that much about past. If yes, then well... man...

I'd never plan serious relationship with a girl using tinder anyway, I could sure go for fwb though.

>>17596002
Yeah. Thats whats fucking me up.

>>17595308
>I'm dating a girl who I was commited enough to have sex with knowing I wasn't her first, but only got upset once I learned she casually fucked some guys from tinder
While I wouldn't say you have a catch on your hands OP, I'd say you are punching above your weight if she is the girl you chose to lose your virginity to.
Keep in mind that she is fucking you on the regular, not anyone else, and she will do way more with you than she ever did with them, and that she did this before you got together.

tl;dr get over it or dump her because you are an insecure faggot.

>>17596056
OP, it's not that she had sex with two men before that I would be concerned about but the no go for me is she used a fuckapp, fucked the guy and then used the fuckapp again to fuck another one. I imagine she did it more than twice. Again, fucking is not the issue but the lifestyle of using fuckapps for casual sex. You don't use a fuckapp and fuck them and insist she was looking for true love. You guys are one argument away from her using the app again.

>>17596081
>>17596056
This, you are a noob, you're gonna get played. Suffer through and learn from it. Just don't let it go too far, avoid marriage, children and anything like that for heaven's sake even if she begged you on her knees. We hear too many stories like that in here, don't increase this treasury.

>>17596081
Using tinder is more socially acceptable than using 4chan, retard. You call it fuckapp, which is a pathetic sweeping generalization. While you might not be wrong, you should realize that the majority of the world views 4chan use as something only people too intellectually stunted to learn basic social skills use.

>>17595411
you say she is clingy and I bet you she fucked those guys from tinder and she was all clingy with them too. You're just the fool that is hanging around believing she was special because she fucked you. How long after you met did you fuck her? Where did you meet her?

>>17595723
it's not confusing because she lied to you

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>>17596100
And what are you trying to prove? Hell, I'd never go into anything serious with a girl using 4chan too.

Fuck, all dem girl threads I've read...

>>17596100
I know you are not naive. It's a fuckapp

Move on, find another pure female who you can take the virginity of. Because that's the real reason for getting into a relationship right? Being the sole person to ever fuck her...until she gets bored of course, the fucks someone else.

You need to work out what you think is most important in a relationship. The truth is that unless you were amazing, 10/10 socially, financially, physically, at a very young age, it's highly unlikely that you'll find a virgin female who isn't a fucking mess.

It seems like you care for this girl but are unable to commit to "loving" her. Loving another person is something you can't really control, so this suggests to me that she's just not the right person for you. You can't "hold back" strong feelings for someone, you either love them (warts and all, excuse the phrase) or you don't.

You need to move on and find someone that fits the specific criteria you want. However, you need to be aware that there aren't many girls out there who will be virgins over a certain age and those who are....are probably not worth fucking or entering into a long term relationship with.

Good luck anon.

>>17596137
Are you a female? Just asking.

>>17596147

Yes I am. Good guess.

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>>17596151
3rd paragraph sold you out

OP, shouldn't learn from it, thinking "love" should be something spontaneous uncontrolled "feel" may lead to some really nasty shit. He shouldn't be so picky regarding virginity though indeed, it's unicorn hunting.

>>17595308
Way too many ignorant comments here acting like she needs to justify having casual sex with people before she met you, or that she's somehow morally wrong for doing so.

Fuck that. People have lives before they meet other people and if you can't handle that then you should either try to grow up or just break up with her.

Understand that if you break up with her that it will be almost impossible to find a girl who's a virgin and you'll be a hypocrite for needing that to be able to love them, seeing as you've already lost your virginity.

Believe it or not, the fact that she's had sex with other guys before doesn't change anything about her feelings for you now.

>>17596167

Yeah, the whole "love" part of my post was more to do with his statement about not giving her everything, seemed like it was clearly something he put a lot of thought into.

I know that "love" is a super romanticised thought but you only have to read a couple of threads on /adv/ to realise that "love" or at least infatuation, causes people to overlook incredibly flaws. I think I was just drawing attention to the fact that if he can't get over that fact she has fucked two other guys, he obviously doesn't care for her that much.

I hate this logic.
Just because you havent been able to have casual sex doesnt mean you are somehow in the right.
frankly it surprises me when a girl over the age of 18 is a virgin. I've had the misfortune of taking 5 virginities in my time and have never felt or wanted to feel it was special.

fucking grow up man.

>>17595308
No this is very strange. She obviously has a sexual history of more than one individual like any healthy person does who isnt a virgin. If she loves you, her first with you will be more special than when she lost her virginity. I struggled with this with my boyfriends when I was young.

>>17595372 knows nothing about sex or relationships but that's fine as long as you're okay taking advice from someone who has never had a healthy relationship, OP

>>17595411
Always be open with your sexual partners or romantic partners. For both consent and purely humane purposes

>>17596260
I've had sex with over 30 women and not one of them a virgin. I lost my virginity at 15 with a 15 year old and she was not a virgin. Where in hell did you find 5.

>>17596102
We fucked about after a few weeks of dating. She wanted to make sure we were "on the same page" before she let me have sex. Why she didnt do this to the guys before idk. Either she was manipulated, or she rly wanted to fuck them more than me. I met her on campus.

>>17596298
still pretty quick for both of you, especially you since you prize virginity so much why did you give yours away so easily? It's gone now and you cannot be some other virgins first. How will you explain that to her? You were tricked?

>>17596311
Well I liked her a lot. This was almost a year ago.

To be quite frank, I dont think girls give a damn about mens virginity. If anything, being a virgin is a turnoff for many women. Men and women are different, and the process of losing your virginity is much more significant both anatomically and arguably mentally for women compred to men. If you assume the genders are equal than yes i guess im a hyppocrite, but theyre not

>>17596319
well OP I was somewhat sympathetic to you from the thread start until you pulled the it's different for men shit. It's not. I will say you are delusional if you think you will find anyone that fits all your requirements and she is untouched. Just reality man.

As I said before, the virginity thing wouldn't be my issue. Using the fuckapp is, twice. When you guys met and started dating how long had it been since she used the fuckapp? Or was she still cruising using the fuckapp when you met her in real life?

>>17596339
She said she deleted it a few weeks before we started dating.

I agree with you on the fuckapp thing. Its a little bit shady. Maybe if I bring this up and talk with her I can get a better understanding? The thing is its ganna be out of the blue for her having me bring this up so its a recipe for disaster imo. Like i said i wouldnt mind if she lost it to a long term bf, but she didnt, and shes blaming other ppl for it and i wanna know which it is exactly

>>17596295
Thats why i said misfortune. 2 were understandable (16 &17) but the other 3 were a surprise.

one was a chick (20) i met at a wedding/holiday and she seemed like she had a lot of experience by the way she carried herself. As soon as it was obvious we were going to hook up she admitted she was a virgin.

Another was this party girl(19) that i had heard was really hard to get with so i had made it my lifes mission to fuck her. turns out she was hard to get with because no one else had. Again another surprise.

Last one i met on tinder (21) and she was a bit introvert and generally socially awkward. but she was hot so whatever.

There was a running joke with my friends for a while and they kept bringing it up when i was meeting new people to try and fuck with me.

>>17596376
Thats lretty fucked bro. Think of all the prospective husbands those girls will now never get

>>17595308
>smooth talked her into sex

excuse me but what else is tinder for? Sounds like another excuse sluts use to not take responsibility for their actions