warning: blog mode I am 23 years old, and I legitimately want

>>17589416
https://m.poloniex.com/#/exchange

Do me a favor and give this crypto shit a run through. Maybe you'll be good at it. I lost most of my bitcoins last week.

U sound alot like me when I was maybe 17-21 ish. Im 24 now. But do t let that discourage you. Life is not a competition. We all grow and learn at different rates. Success and growth are subjective and dependent on each individuals idea of morality and set of beliefs. That being said, I didn't improve at least socially until i had my whole world fall on me. I had what was left of my ego just completely shatter. I wound up homeless after my parents found out I was strung out on drugs. Relied on the kindness of other ppl to get by. Its a humbling experience. Makes you really appreciate having food and a roof over your head. And the comfort of having family and friends. Its a comforting thought knowing you can go home to a house full of ppl you call family. I was homeless for maybe 2 and a half years but I learned alot. I wouldn't exactly reccomend homelessness for someone whose already suicidal. But the experience really rounded me out as an individual. Im wiser because of it. I had to learn to have a silver tounge to adapt to it. But im still depressed. There's still bumps in the road. There will always be some problem you have to deal with op. Just please don't kill yourself. Take it one day at a time. One minute at a time if u have to. Just plz don't do it. Im sure u have ppl who love you. As long as you have siblings, parents, a few close friends or a pet you have ppl who love you. If not for yourself, then for them

I used have a lot of problems, things didn't get better til I moved out at 29 but I always worked on my one problem at a time till I solved a lot of them. I also went to the gym religiously to have the right mindset. I went from zero dating to sleeping with 9s.

>>17589496
For what its worth I've somehow adapted to not thinking about it. When I think about my situation or my past I start freaking out and having panic attacks. Idk if its healthy or not but I kind of just push it out of my mind and somehow just keep reluctantly trucking on. I don't feel much anymore. Just lots of nothing and Grey with Bits of fleeting happiness or despair. But if rather have it like that than constant suffering honestly. But I do have hope one day it will get better. It has been getting better actually. At a snails pace but its happening

>>17589416
At least some of your depression/anxiety can be treated medically, which will reduce the burden and make you more able to deal with the rest.

>>17589416
Psychedelics.

Set up the environment to be peaceful, take the medicine and free you mind - let your conscious be free.

Sounds like ptsd.

And you need warm, loving people around you.

>>17589807
And maybe dissociation, forgot to add.

Don't do drugs or other shit that stimylated your already overstimulated amygdala.

>>17589721
I have taken acid a couple times before, but never in high doses. Just enough to get super giggly.
I live in a rural area, so it's difficult not only for me to make connections with people, but to find any drug (besides weed) that hasn't been stomped on a million times.
I would love to have some acid/mushrooms.

>>17589496
That's the ONLY reason I haven't. My younger sister. Luckily she moved in with my grandparents around 13. She still struggles with sever anxiety, but she got away early enough to become a functional adult.
I chose to come back to all this.

>>17589807
I was diagnosed with PTSD during a stint in the psych ward, but I thought the doctor was just being dramatic at the time. Maybe there's some truth to it.

>>17589416
Just control your life dude. Figure out things and do them slowly until you memorize and can do tasks efficiently. Make your confidence better by listening to others but not following their orders unless you agree. Also, never forget your mistakes just get over them and learn.

>>17589416

You need to have a meditation routine. With samadhi or zazen types of meditation.