I'm about this close -.- to suicide.

i felt when we were arguing and i thought she was going to leave me, i truly do love her, thats why i flipped out and cheated.

Anyway the business started to collapse, me and her brother were arguing alot, and I was going back to my old ways.

I just straightened myself out and was going good when Today after me and her just had great public sex i got a call from her brother

"You fucked **** while you and her were still dating! tell her now or i fucking will"

It broke me. Ripped me too shreds, we were just getting back to being good then this.

The pain i caused her when i told her is unbearable, she made me drive her back to her car and hardly spoke.

I got back in my car after dropping her off then bam, theres a pop and the cunts fucked, wont even start, had to get my dad to drive me back to my job to finish it off..

Get a call from her and shes distraught. this chicks tougher than me and hearing her cry destroys me.

We are done she said.

I cant say no to that not after what i put her through.

But since April this year ive been "semi" Suicidal. keep thinking never acting, but tonight is the closest I've ever come to acting, and you know what i just might,

Failed business, just fucked up the best thing in my life, cant get a job, cant even afford to fly home.

Im only venting so my story is out there. no idea what to do.

Peace

Does no one have anything to say ha,

Im that fucked aye.

>>17581187
You'll be fucked until your impulses to do things like cheat and cop meth are under control. I'll take your word for it when you say that you feel remorse for these things when you see they hurt your girl. In that case, you need to find a way to control yourself and soothe the shitty feelings that make you want to spring up and do something to fix them. Not being a psychologist, I wonder why it is you jump to the most extreme remedy for how you are feeling. Some flirting and beer would be a lot less damaging than cheating and meth, not to make you feel guilty, just to talk of damage control.

That should definitely be your first goal if you want to survive a long time, and have more shots at being happy.

>>17581187
Also, it seems like you've come in contact with some psych professionals who didn't do a good job treating you. The way you aren't sure what to do, aren't sure what the nature of your mental problems is, and want to die shows you would benefit from seeing someone who is skilled and can help.

What business was it? Why don't you start a new one and once successful, invite her brother into it as partner?

>>17581307
The meth was just twice since i got out.. But your right about the impulse shit.

Keep thinking im doing good, people always say hey your doing so well considering,

Fuck off there is no doing well, shouldnt be like this.

>>17581331
carpet tile house and vacate cleaning bud, all way around.

he was in it with me from the start, helped me get the first clients buy equipment and shit.

doubt its going anywhere now.

>>17581341

>doubt its going anywhere now.

Why? You still have all the equipment. You have very little overhead. All you need is a phone-number and a functioning car and you can start back up.

Honestly, I believe you owe it to her brother to pay him back in full for what he did for you.

This would also go further to show just how sorry you are to your former girlfriend and that you're trying to make things right.

You're a piece of shit. You have a golden opportunity to turn it around and you're throwing it away with some "poor me" bullshit.

>>17581333
I'm not judging you. In some ways, you're doing better than me. All that was out there for me was treatment, and if I didn't get the treatment I would not be here to type this.

Everything is relative. You're doing a lot better than you were. It's never too late to try and find some way to mellow out. Again, I'd suggest treatment for the feelings that cause these impulses, and maybe they'll have some advice for managing them too. Are you still in your 20's?

I assume that deep down you don't get a kick out of the more problematic lifestyle. Deep down there are some emotions that need to be confronted in a careful and safe way. Based on what I have read, I assume going to prison and maybe even the prostitution has added more confusion and stress.

Rehabs and the twelve-step community can be cultish and over-emphasize the importance of not using a substance. The self-medication theory of substance abuse holds up a lot better than the "moral deficiency" one.

Get good therapy.

>>17581361
Yeah its not poor me this time, its poor them.

and nah man i put majority of the money in and did him the favour of letting him in, he just brought a 2k van, but was there to help me build, kind of wrote the first response wrong haha.

i mean hes out doesnt want a bar of it and im nowhere near as good at it as he is.

>>17581367

So, how can your business collapse?

I think you owe it to the people around you, and yourself, to prove that you've turned your life around before asking their forgiveness.

I'm not saying that they don't have issues themselves or that this isn't partly their fault, but when you prove to them that you've changed, at the same time, you're proving that to yourself.

You're impulsive and your rationalize things you shouldn't be doing to yourself. I don't know if you have any real mental issues, but I also don't see anything preventing you from turning it all around.

>>17581187
You need a support group Anon. Join the military and better yourself.

>>17581391
Cant really explain it man, it just stopped, id chase clients and then we would fuck it up somehow.

Id act he would re act.

>>17581402
DONT JOIN THE MILITARY BIG FUCK THAT

>>17581406
Join an easy branch, get an easy job, serve 1 term. Reap benefits while getting jacked, score pussy then return to civilian life.

>>17581402
>>17581406
I quadruple fuck that. OP is not fit for the military, and in many ways the military is not fit for OP. I mean this is in the most severe way possible.

>>17581404

You're going to be fine. Do what you can to restart the business. Do everything it takes to pick up clients again, either with her brother or without. Go door to door if you need to.

Put your pride and your pocket, hat in your hand.

If you really want to get back with your girlfriend, tell her that you'll show her during the next few months that everything has changed for the better. Then, actually rebuild your life again.

It won't be easy, but you've already done what you needed to do before. You just have to do it again.

telling someone with bipolar or bpd or whatever this is to join the military is not good. wouldn't he have been attracted to the military when the recruiters came, if it was right for him?

>>17581427
All ive wanted to do since leaving prison is go military, same routine, same assholes in charge, bigger weapons. perfect. problem is cant sign up in australia not a citizen, and damn as fuck lucky i didnt get kicked out of the country,

Im physically fit as hell, would love to be shooting and fighting. its what i was made for.

>>17581423
God speed to OP

>>17581432
French foreign Legion sounds like right up your ally. Kek

>>17581425
best advice yet was in that last line. thank you.

Applying for the FFL hahahahahaha

>>17581441

No worries. You got this.

>>17581432
>cheating makes me guilty
>I would love to shoot and kill a person

you're a complex man