Forgiving an abuser

You dont have to forgive him. You just have to get away from him and your parents(its fucked to expect you to 'repsect' your abuser) and move on with your life by realizing hes not worth having in it. Anyway hes not even regretful of his abuse so why should you forgive him?

>>17577820

>I know part of moving on is forgiveness, but I find it difficult when the person you need to forgive hasn't admitted to anything and wants you to act like nothing happened.

The forgiveness is for you, not for him.

Under no circumstance do you need to develop any sort of warm or forgiving feelings for this piece of shit in order to move on. You are under no obligation to speak to him, show respect, or even acknowledge his existence.

What you need to do, firstly, is if you don't have a therapist or some sort of mental health counselor to talk this through with you need to get one, immediately.

Having a stable third party professional to guide you through the process of putting this behind you is crucial to the healing process.

Secondly, recognize that the "forgiveness" aspect of moving on isn't absolving the other person of wrong-doing its merely letting go of your hate, your resentment and realizing that whatever that person has done to you is not worth carrying with you for the rest of your life.

You need to spend absolutely 0 time with this person. I mean 0. If he is in a room, you go to another room. If he is in a house, you go to another house. Plain and simple.

If he puts his hands on you again you call the police, no questions asked. It doesn't matter what your family or friends say. He hurts you, you call the cops.

The most important part of this healing process is reclaiming your sense of self and setting up boundaries. Boundaries that clearly say "You and I do not have a relationship. I don't want to be next to you nor hear you speak to me. You are not allowed to touch me and if you do I will call the police and file charges."

Stand up for yourself. Get a therapist. He/She will work with you to put all of these things I've said into a workable plan and slowly integrate it into your daily life.

>>17577820
>I know part of moving on is forgiveness, but I find it difficult when the person you need to forgive hasn't admitted to anything and wants you to act like nothing happened.
You shouldn't forgive him. If you just act like his abuse is normal you'll be enabling him and actually encouraging him to abuse more people because he'll learn that it's fine to abuse women, they'll just accept it, it won't ruin any social relations.

Definitely if he's not even apologetic or regretful, you have no need to show respect for him. Just say that you can't respect people who abuse their family members and don't even feel bad about it.

>>17577837
Thank you. I do have a therapist to help with my GAD. it's just he's on a month long vacation right now. And this whole navy thing reared it's head out of nowhere.
Plus normally my brother is stoned out of his mind but now that he's getting cleaned up he's talking nonstop to everyone.

That's a good way of looking at forgiveness that i never thought about. Ill make sure to bring that up with him.

>>17577832
>>17577846

And thank you too, guys. You really helped releave some stress.

Don't forgive him. He's a peice if shit. Just do what you can to not let him consume your life untill you can move out.

>>17577820
You can show him respect when he stops abusing you.
You don't have to forgive him if he is still abusing you, because he hasn't stopped.

Confront him about it if you wish, but you don't owe him fuck all, he is in the wrong.

Are you related to >>17578046?

My brother once beated me in a train. I'm the yonger sister too. I've never said a word to him since 2010, still I have good relationships with his wife and kid.

>>17578094
No.

Forgiveness is for you. Not him.

>>17577832
>>17577837
>>17577846
>>17578086
>>17578091

/thread

>>17577820

I used to bully my younger brother pretty mercilessly when we were young kids. Nothing too over-the-top violent or anything, just consistent meanness. As I grew up, I felt horrible about it and have apologized many times. We get along well now, though he seems to have some pretty deep-seated anger issues, and I still wonder if that's my fault

So I dunno. You can't erase the past, but acknowledging it goes a long way. But if you've tried to confront your brother, and he refuses to accept responsibility, then he's still a piece of shit. He hasn't learned or gotten better, unless he can own up to his actions and apologize

>>17578095
Im so sorry. I understand the feeling completely.

When i was little My brother slamed a door on my torso when i was trying to escape his rampage and it gave me bruised ribs. when i told a teach the next day my father was livid at me and warned me if i ever told anyone I'd get taken away.

>>17578138
It would be different if that was the case. However he doesn't feel bad. In fact if i recoil he gets confused and offended.

I posted on here before about it but Just two months ago he assaulted me because I asked him the close a door to keep our bird and cat from escaping. And four months earlier he got into a fist fight with our dad. He's prone to violence.

Dont feel bad op. Just because wants to go in the navy has nothing to due with his merit as a person.

>>17577820
You are 12, tell your mom. Your brother will stop being 14 at some point and he will feel embarrassed for being a dick and you will have too much shit going on to even care anymore
Teenager shit =/= real problems

>>17578143
>when i told a teach the next day my father was livid at me and warned me if i ever told anyone I'd get taken away.
What the fuck. He was angry at YOU?

>>17578171

Your family needs serious help. I remember that thread.

>>17577820
>I know part of moving on is forgiveness

No it is not. You're not required to forgive a single person on this planet. This is a myth. Move on and forget this person.

>>17579289
He's what's known as a "sexist pig". He'll defend his son through everything. even condoning abuse.

>>17579295
Yeah i went to therapy since then. It's getting better. Well, for my sister and I at least. Been working on moving out but of course this stuff takes time.

>>17577820
>Forgiving an abuser
don't

>>17577820

Give him your cunt, fatty.