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Idk what's wrong with me, I feel like such an idiot...
Me and my bf have been dating for a year and I love him alot. A month into the relationship he tells me that he has stopped watching porn. We've never really talked about it before and I've never really said or did something that would suggest that I had a problem with it, but I was happy that he seemed to enjoy our relationship so much that he stopped doing that. Anyways, months go by and we've been dating for 3-4 months, and we somehow start talking about porn. He mentions then that he has been starting to watch it again, and I wasnt very happy to hear that, especially when he could get nudes from me whenever he wanted to. But I didnt really want to say anything because I mean...a lot of people watch porn, and it should'nt be a problem for me. I tried to accept it and just not to think about it...
We had a huge fight about it a couple of weeks after that. I told him how I felt about it. His respons to my uncomfort was that it had nothing to do with our relationship and that he did that to relax when he feels stressed, and that it didnt mean anything. I wasnt really convinced and asked him how he would feel if people would view me as he viewed porn, because what they would do to me wouldnt really matter and that it was only for stress relief. He said that he wouldnt like that at all and that he got my point. He promised me that he would stop watching it.
I did believe him and I appreciated that he did that. But my stupid brain suspected that he did watch it anyway behind my back, which led to me asking him if he still did that. I only asked him 3 times over the course of 5 months. He always told me that he didnt watch it.
I told him about my fear of him lying to me about it, but that I knew that I was stupid for doubting him. I also told him about scenarios that I've read about people lying to each other about that.
He later confessed that he had been watching porn all the time (1/2)
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Sorry for not waiting for part two but I'm going to post my reply now.
You're making porn an issue, which is why he felt the need to lie about it.
You need to work on your self confidence and accept the fact that people use porn for different reasons and it isn't an indication that you're not good enough or he finds others more attractive than you. Sometimes people just need to knock one out, or want a bit of variation.
Yes, it was a bit shitty for him to withhold that information, but you made it so he didn't feel comfortable telling you. My partner and I have an extremely open relationship and even though sometimes it might be difficult to hear some things, I try my best to remain understanding because I appreciate that level of honesty.
You need to get over it because he is never going to be honest with you about his porn watching skills. You should decide if it's something you can handle and if you can, leave him to it. Maybe even try to encourage it - watch it with him, find out what he likes, try to emulate it?
I know it's difficult, I know it probably makes you feel a bit redundant but just remember it has absolutely nothing to do with you personally.
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And that he felt awful about it and that he was planing to tell me...
It really broke me to hear that, and we had a huge fight about it (again) about 2 weeks ago. He promised this time that he would really stop doing it for good. I decided to believe him, even though he lied to me for about 5 months.
He claims that he hasnt been watching porn ever since we talked about it last time (1 week approximately). But he says that it's really hard for him to stop and that he enjoyed watching it (even though he claimed that he didnt like to watch porn at all). I felt that all of this made our relationship much more complicated and that he should've told me that from the start. He also says that when he masturbates to porn he forgets about all the bad stuff, but when he does that to me he cant really stop thinking about bad stuff. I asked him what I could do to make him forgets about it and why out conversations about it doesnt really ruin the picture of it, but when bad stuff happens around me it affwcts his view of me...
I've also asked him what I can do to make him feel less to watch it. But he said that he will always have a desire to watch it. That makes me feel like shit. That my pictures arent good enough, and that they will never be. My question is, how do I stop feel like crap over the fact that he has a desire to watch it. I mean, he cant control his feelings and he has shown that he cares. How do I overcome the feeling of not being enough for him? If I was good enough he wouldnt be having the need to watch porn... (2/2)
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>>17577008
Thank you for your reply! I guess that it also has to do with my view of a relationship. I dont really have anything against porn desu, but I dont want my partner to have a need for it since I want to be able to be everything he needs. But you're right, it has to do with my lack of selfesteem. I really appreciated your view on this, and I'll try to work on my self.
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>>17577020
You won't be able to provide everything he needs. People crave variety. Men with girlfriends fap to other girls for that purpose. Sounds harsh but it's true.
Fapping to the same person gets boring.
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>>17577020
Don't get me wrong, I can completely relate! It's just about separating it...it sounds like it's just an outlet, purely habitual.
It sounds like he really cares about you, enough to be honest with you in the beginning, so try to be open with him and not respond with negativity and anger. Hopefully he will get back to that stage and feel comfortable discussing his habit with you, then you will also feel more comfortable about it.
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>>17577032
>>17577033
Yeah, I guess.
Thank you for replying, you've given me a different perspective on this. I might not change my view on it overnight but I'll definetly think about this
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