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Anonymous
Severe Depression, Cannot Function Any Longer... 2016-09-16 20:08:08 Post No. 17575166
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Severe Depression, Cannot Function Any Longer... 2016-09-16 20:08:08 Post No. 17575166
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Severe Depression, Cannot Function Any Longer...
Anonymous
2016-09-16 20:08:08
Post No. 17575166
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>Cannot sleep, eat, relax, enjoy the things I used to enjoy, work, sit still, or really do anything.
>All I want to do is pace or sit anxiously waiting to die, since I don't have the guts to commit to it.
>My life is no where, I cannot get a job, when I do find one I cannot seem to even bring myself to apply or want to work.
>All I think about is death, my own death, and how nothing matters.
>Only thing that is keeping me alive is drawing and art, which I don't think i am even good at, or don't even really do anymore because of this crippling depression.
>Mother can't help, she is poor, homeless and stressed out, father can do nothing to help, he is on welfare after he got jailed for doing some illegal stuff in the military and he doesn't really care.
>Family doesn't care, they see my family as the black sheep of the family.
>Tried looking around local area for free therapy or cheap therapy, little to no resources, all the secretaries or phone assistants were bitches, uninterested, dismissive, uncaring and insensitive.
>Tried looking up free online depression chats, video chats, etc. Nothing but weird ass half-assed websites and people who weren't qualified, or told me to refer to a therapist.
>Have bills, but can't pay them with no resources or a job, since I cannot even leave my room to even eat anymore.
>I don't know what to do anymore, do I just buy a gun and shoot myself?
>Was planning on finishing my Bachelors in Graphic Design, have my Associate in Fine Arts atm, but I can't even get to the college to finish the last steps to apply. Or, how would I even pay for it. I just, cannot function or think anymore straight, it's like I get a thought, or some small ounce of motivation, and it slumps out of my consciousness like a dab of butter rolling off a knife into nothingness.
Could use some help or advice, I'll give out more details if needed, I just really need some help.
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>>17575166
How long does this lasts ?
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>>17575176
Usually weeks, sometimes and recently it's been becoming longer towards months, last year I repressed it by working my butt off working a semi-truck job, but it left me with little sleep and even in a worse situation now where I can't even function.
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>>17575166
I also have deep depression. Let me help you but first
>All I want to do is pace or sit anxiously waiting to die, since I don't have the guts to commit to it.
Same to me,but don't get the guts to do it.death is not the solution. You need to live and make the life that you want
>Only thing that is keeping me alive is drawing and art, which I don't think i am even good at, or don't even really do anymore because of this crippling depression.
I know that feeling,but try to start drawing even if you don't have the mood to do it. Then you may enjoy it again.
>Mother can't help, she is poor, homeless and stressed out
Can't you get her to your home/room?
>I don't know what to do anymore, do I just buy a gun and shoot myself?
NO
Instead of buying a weapon..use these money to visit a psychologist just once,so he can give you the right anti-depression medicines.
I also get these pills and I was going well,I saw a huge improvement but then I had a car accident and I went back to the depression again so then I got for a month double dose of pills,then went back to the normal therapy and now I am much better. Explain to your doctor that you don't have money for going there again and again. And you need to know that when you get those pills,when you feel better don't stop them,because you will go back to the depression. For me it needed 1 year of pills to be completely healed
You will really find yourself with a therapy
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>>17575245
I've taken some medication before from the doctor, but it turned off whatever last filter I had that helped me relax and I was up for 3 nights straight, nearly had a breakdown from it, I just couldn't sit in one place long.
But I will try again I suppose.
It's just all boiling down to the last bits of humanity now and it's becoming unbearable.
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>>17575245
>>17575166
On top of that, I have no money, my car is having serious problems and I have no support, I just feel perpetually trapped. I wish I could escape all of this.
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If you choose to shoot yourself and change your mind, you are only left wounded and alone. No one wishes to see you, speak to you, or relate to you. Only you can have the strength of heart to find what it is that you live for.
The answer was already said by you. You have plans for the future, fulfill them however you can. Or change them to a future that you wish to see.
After losing my lung its clear that our lives are in our hands. I just chose the most fucked up way of realizing it.
Choosing to be happy is never easy. You must earn it by not letting yourself down, and fulfilling the goals you set for yourself.
per trovare deve cercare
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>>17575166
The simple fact is you are thinking about yourself. This means part of you cares about you. Adding to that the fact that you "don't have the guts to commit to suicide." If you actually wanted to die, you would have by now.
Despite how you're currently thinking or feeling, there IN YOUR POST is evidence you still care. Try little by little to not think about dying.
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Life is a fucking challenge. There have been times when I was just miserable and so nothing of life but the same fucking shit day-in and day-out with no excitement. I really wanted to fucking kill myself speeding my car into a tree. I started to imagine what impact would be and I would find videos of a crash test dummy flying through the windshield in slow motion. I would really fantasize about my body flying through the windshield my skin and being all cut up and my body flying out like ragdoll physics.
Anyway life is a little better now, I got the job my love. I have to really apply myself for motivation just to fucking get it. I'm also going to join a gym just to socialize and meet people and also work out. I have my own home gym that I've been doing for the past 12 years and I love it but now the idea of joining the gym and meeting new people really intrigues my interest. I'm also going to learn some new dance moves.
The point is that you have to focus on one area of your life and just get confidence man. I want on the mission trip to Honduras this past July and after I came back it started to change. I just needed to get away from all the bullshit and go somewhere else.
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