Planning for Children

>>17568875
>If so
Goddammit

>>17568875
>tl;dr is the saying that you're "truly never ready to have a child" a true thing? Slowly beginning to feel that's true.
This is absofuckinglutely 100% USDA-certified truth. I had everything--house, gainful employment, nursery all set up, went to parenting classes, etc. Nothing, and I mean nothing will prepare you for B-Day. My job let me go during my maternity leave and basically pulled the rug out from under me. My baby wouldn't nurse properly and it was extremely painful to do so despite the help of BFing classes and lactation consultants. All the advice on how to get a baby to sleep; useless. Post-partum depression. Anything can happen.

Basically parenting is NOTHING like how I thought it would be. It's both better and worse. It sounds shitty, but overall I like it. It's cool to watch your kid grow a personality and learn things. Yet, this isn't a reason to be discouraged.. if family matters to you, and you feel you're at a good place in life, go for it.

I just had a baby 6 months ago and I'm your age.

Word of caution: just because you decide "ok, we'll do it!" doesn't mean it will happen. There's a decent chance you will struggle with getting pregnant. A lot of people do. It could take months, years or never happen at all. You should start seeing your OBGYN and a fertility doctor ASAP, so you and your partner can be tested for a variety of factors that will influence how fast you get pregnant.

I started trying at 25. We gave up at 31 because the chances were just so slim at a natural pregnancy, that it was no longer worth the investment. We spent 30 grand in total on IV.

We are now on an adoption list.

So start your planning now. Get your ducks in a row first.

>>17568891
What about money? That is my #1 concern at the moment. What is "enough"? I know I'm obsessing, but my family had ups and downs of no money so perhaps that is why.

I do worry about post partum, but I went through manic spell after Accutane so I have experienced a whiplash of emotions before. Then again, probably underestimating the degree of change pregnancy does to the brain.

I lucky have my mother in law to be my rock throughout anything with babies. She is retired recently, my husband is her only living child, and she loves babies. My cousin is a lactation consultant and midwife by profession, so again I'm lucky in at least the birth aspect.

I'm just so tentative and nervous. My husband has at least once every other day mentioned adorable interactions he has with children at work or in the public, which has made me think about it more.

Sorry to blog-post, I'm nervous so I ramble.
>>17568913
I hope that isn't the case. I've already used an ovulation app to follow senses and exact day/hour cycles and I am surprisingly regular. Then again, you're right, who knows?

I don't kind adopting, but since we're both single kids we'd like to keep our families going with a biological kid. Although if all else fails, I will adopt in the way way future.

>>17568931
>What about money? That is my #1 concern at the moment. What is "enough"? I know I'm obsessing, but my family had ups and downs of no money so perhaps that is why.
Don't be too concerned about it. If you have a job and your husband has a job, you will seriously be fine. Any medical debt incurred can be paid with installments, and if you're breastfeeding that will take a huge amount of money off per month.. even if you're not, you could always get donated milk from a milk bank. Another way to cut costs is to use cloth diapers instead of disposables. Clip coupons or go to thrift stores for baby clothes, people are getting rid of baby clothes (a lot of them unworn or barely worn) because they grow so fast. Just make sure to wash everything before you put it on baby.

It's normal to be nervous, it's a lifechanging event. But you have to go in with both feet, there aren't any half measures and if you hem and haw over it for much longer you'll be past 30.

>>17568943
I do plan to breastfeed absolutely (I have a STEM degree, I know of allergens and immunity) , and if that is not successful there is actually a breastmilk "bank" in my community according to Facebook. If that fails, isn't formula covered by WIC? Probably too "rich" to qualify for it though.
>cloth diapers
My midwife cousin would probably kill me if I didn't use my local cloth diaper resource. I was raised in them and so was my husband despite being in a "lower middle class" household. Makes sense they are cheaper.

You're right, there are more resources than I thought. Thanks for your replies and reassurances.

My husband might be my next big hurdle. He doesn't feel he is ready for kids til he has $50k in the bank, which is ridiculous. Due to his father's inconsistent employment he is EXTREMELY paranoid about costs, which fuel my own anxiety. How do I convince him that we should start trying, probably in less than 5 years? I feel like due to his lofty goals it will never be attainable except through an accident.

>>17568962
>How do I convince him that we should start trying, probably in less than 5 years? I feel like due to his lofty goals it will never be attainable except through an accident.
People always say, it costs $XXX (huge amount of money) to raise a kid from 0-18. This seems daunting, but it's really not a big deal when you consider it's spread out over 18 years and that number is probably calculated with formula and disposable diapers and 'new' clothes and so on. But you probably have vaccination clinics once a month in your area (check your town hall) and there is just a lot you can do to save money. Overall, it's not the worst thing in the world to not be rich if you have a loving family. My family was the kind of poor that most people don't like to think about, but I never knew the difference or cared because my family was so close. I had a very happy childhood, I think, even though we didn't have a lot or many luxuries at all.

Men are usually apprehensive about pregnancy and babies for a lot of reasons. They fear the change it will bring in you and your relationship. They fear they won't be good enough. They fear they won't relate to the baby. Men fear fatherhood intensely, but it all changes when they hold the baby that first time. Money is just the thing he chooses to focus on to hide these things.

Or he might not really want kids after all and is just biding his time.. either way, you need to seriously talk to him about it.

as long as you are a competent, functioning adult, have a decent support network, and the relationship between you and your husband is good there's really nothing holding you up.

It's one of those things people overthink and as a result put off needlessly

>>17568982
Yeah, he can be irrational about money conservation. The realtor had a hard time convincing him his income and credit placed him in a supreme monthly payment packet and he had issues believing them. Same shit with vehicle. A deer ran into it and he totaled it and as so nervous buying new vs used (used actually had more interest for cars built after 2006, wtf?), but once he was convinced to buy a new car he did so with no worries and low payments.

That is his only drawback with kids, money. I babysat more than him, but he does smile when he sees a kid do something cute, and has talked about male and female names with me. With babies he acts really awkward and holds them like a ceramic dish, but I see that as a good thing I guess... He likes joking with toddlers and has saved books/movies/video games because "I want my kids to have these."

Theb again, who knows? I feel like if I ask him again" do you want kids in the next 5 years" he will rattle out an excuse...

>>17569015
Women generally have better kid-sense than men. My dad is still afraid to hold my baby and he's 60 years old. A lot of dads don't really get too involved with their kids until they're walking/talking and more active, but this is bullshit. Make sure he actually learns how to take care of the kid with you so that he's not completely clueless with them.

>>17569034
My dad told my husband and me how the I got I was born the nurse had to teach him how to change a disposable diaper, and to make sure that didn't happen to my spouse haha. I really need to make sure he can do the common sense shit. He probably thinks he can't do shit, so he's scared. And I understand.

If he does agree to learn, I think I'll find his initial fears quite endearing for a father. Treating their babies like they're made of glass haha.

>>17569078
>how the time I was born the nurse...
This is why you shouldn't phone post on the chinz, folks.

>>17568875
You never feel completely ready. Go for it, you two sound great, and female fertility really starts to drop after the age of 30, so if you want a family, now is the time to start.

>>17569088
Thanks. It is such a big step thus rambles and nervousness.

How do I being it up to him in a serious way? Like any semi-serious financial discussion or a different way? Because to me it isn't something simply money-speaking, but to him it is.

We also home brew craft beer. Maybe he doesn't want to let go of my influence once I'm expecting haha, since I do most of the "seasoning" (if you can call selecting malt varieties that)

Bumping with one more question, specifically for the ladies.

How much did a baby change you, mostly mentally buy I don't kids hearing physical detriments or benefits (if there are any) either.

>>17569533
It is different for every mother.

For me, I felt very depressed and overwhelmed when the baby first came. She was difficult to put to bed and I didn't like breastfeeding. I think even now 6 months after I had her I'm more hormonal/sensitive than I was before.. but in a lot of ways I'm also more patient and understanding. You will have good days and bad days.

Physically, I've got stretch marks on my belly, even though I applied cocoa butter every night. I've lost all my baby weight but now my weight sits a bit weirdly because of all the stretching I guess. Hope that fixes itself. my boobs are a cup bigger (though I grew 2 cups over the pregnancy).

>>17569728
Do the good days make the bad ones worth it to you? Sorry to be blunt with such a vague question.

>>17570040
Yes. Some days, my daughter is grumpy all day from teething, crying, staying up until 2 am. Some days she's got the shits and horrible diaper rash. Some days she spits up after every bottle and makes me change her clothes 5+ times a day..

but most days she is happy. She smiles at me every time I look at her. She rejoices when I go to pick her up in the morning. She looks just like me. She learns new stuff each day. Children are just little miracles really.

The only thing I miss about my 'old' life is the ability to be lazy. There's very little time for relaxation once you have even one kid. but overall I find it to be worth it, yeah.

>>17568875
me and my gf have also agreed on wanting kids at 30 too...were both 26

>>17570061
Yeah, I do like to sleep in well past sunrise on my off days, and know my sleep once a kid comes is basically nonexistent. How do you cope with lack of sleep, cuz I love my sleep? Heh, guess I should get over the fact of cutting that luxury for 18 years or so.

You sound like a good mom, thanks for the advice and info!
>>17570075
At least we're all talking about it, unlike the Japanese apparentlym