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Fear of a gay bf: question for women

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I've been wondering about this for a while, I really don't understand this fear many women have.


A female friend was almost crying when she found out her ex bf turned out to be gay.

I often hear about girls saying how horrible life would be to find out your bf is gay and how horrible life would be being a "beard".


Now its totally reasonable to be horrified at the thought of your bf not loving you, but why is finding out he is gay even worst?


For all the possible reasons my gf might break up with me, her discovering herself to be lesbian, would be amongst the least worst. It would mean nothing was my fault and no other man will ever have her on top of that.

If she cheated on me with another man, and dumped me for him I'll be a lot sadder.


Help me understand this
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>>17567965
First boyfriend tried to fuck a male friend of mine.
Honestly, it is not that bad (not much worse than many other breakups) but you feel like you've been used, and you feel repulsive physically.
It's sad.
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>>17567965

it depends on the context.

but a lot of people think 'me me me me me' as opposed to just trying to understand their partner.

so they might think that they look like a man (thus being ugly) and thats why their bf settled for them. if its been years, they might think they were being used and their whole relationship was a lie (versus a regular break up which still has its nice memories in tact). they might think that there is something WRONG with them that turned them gay, etc.

most of the time its the guy didnt quite understand his sexuality. i looked at gay porn for years and didnt think i was a gay. the level of delusion our culture has is really awesome.

but especially if its been years they'd feel like they lost a part of their life toa lie.
>>
You just feel a bit lied to, is all. I don't think it's worse than any other kind of cheating, it just has that added layer of doubt when you find out.
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>>17567974
but that's literally no one's fault. dude's just discovering himself.
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>>17567998
he should discover himself outside of a relationship
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>>17567988
how did you figure out you were gay?

>>17568005
but he didn't think he was gay
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>>17567998

if oyu actively try to fuck your girlfriends male friends, that is your fault. its not the same as having these bottled up feelings and some gay guy comes on to you, and you let em loose. and no, im not biased, cuz that hasn't happened to me.

its one thing to accidentally do something in the spur of the moment. its another to actively pursue someone else while dating a girl.

im not saying hes a super villain or inforgivable or any of that nonsense. but it certainly was bad of him.
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>>17567998
It's not like I'm mad at him for being gay. I didn't enjoy being led on, lied to, cheated on.
I liked him, he tried to cheat on me, and did so with a guy - I felt like I was lied to and I wasn't attractive physically. I felt like he was just using me to try if he liked girls and didn't care about me as a person.
It was sad. It made me feel hurt.
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>>17568008
then when he thought he might be gay he should have broken up with his gf and gotten with a gay guy if that's how he felt

being confused isn't an excuse for cheating
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>>17568008

are you questioning, OP?


to be honest its surprising i didnt know. if there hadn't been a culture surrounding gayness (or at the very least, not a stigma) i would have probably known by the time I Was four years old. I remember having crushes on my 'big reader buddy' in kindergarden. I remember loving the blue power ranger. I remember wanting to kiss a guy in my third grade class.

but our brains are weird and mine managed to interpret all these things as 'looking up to' a guy, or wanting to be friends with him, etc.

by 8th grade i had been looking at almost strictly gay porn for three years, and i had convinced myself it was something that 'everyone does once in awhile'. id watch lesbian porn like once a year to prove i was straight. id masturbate almost exclusively to fantasies of guys i knew in real life if i had no porn.

but somehow go to school the next day and feel nervous about approaching tghis girl i really liked and wanted to date.

then one night while looking at porn i realized how long it'd been since i watched straight porn and i just thought 'yeah, i guess I'm bi. bi is okay.' and once i told someone no one can keep a secret in middle school, and with it all out in the open i was able to explore these ideas iwthout worrying about shame, cuz i was already the fucking gay kid in a military school on a catholic island. couldn't get much worse desu.

so i just explored from there and realized that while I am attracted to girls and could develop feelings they werent the same nor as powerful nor as enjoyable as the feelings i got for men, so gay it was.

everyones a little different though.

if you think you need to explore, I'd recommend leaving your girlfriend. NOT just exploring while with her mate.
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>>17567998
Lets sum this up. Women are irrational when they're emotional.
They just found out they weren't really loved so the go to is "i'm not pretty!" Or "i'm not good enough" which is one step away from the thought of not being pretty enough. As thats just sort of how they're trained to take break ups. Why? Who knows.
End of the day they feel ugly inside and out which is just a whole self-loathing avalanche waiting to happen that they'll invariably turn outwards, usually at those they feel caused this.
If you've ever raised girls or been near them enough to experience this, this is why they occasionally implode into emotional wrecks more/worse than their periods during puberty would account for. Luckily the older they get, especially beyond the pubert phase, these drop off drastically as they mature into adults able to handle their emotions and make rational decisions and logical leaps such as "it's not my fault he's gay so the ensuing break up isn't my fault nor should i hate him for it as he can't help it."
Sadly people mature at different rates so you'll still hear people cry about their boyfriends being gay well into the late twenties.
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>>17568014

i get it desu. im a gay guy, but i like to think im objective. your bf didnt have a spur of the moment lapse. he actively pursued one of your friends. there was a clear and calculated effort on his behalf to cheat on you.

not the worst person ever, but yeah it sucks and he shouldn't have done that, and i can see why you'd be hurt.

sounds to me like OP has done the same thing and hes trying to justify himself. hope he realizes that he shouldn't be doing this.
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>>17568036
Well, it was pretty shitty.
There is also some sort of stigma (people made fun of me for "turning him gay", everyone knew and said they were sorry, etc) so it was fucking weird.

Thanks for understanding.
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>>17568060

yeah no thats shit. i had a friend who had three girls turn lesbian on him (two of em with each other). had another friend (Female) who had her first bf turn out to be gay. every guy she either pursued or dated ended up getting with him, half of them while dating her. its pretty messed up (though after 6 years it kinda got funny).
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>>17568070
Hahaha
Okay, that's awful, but funny.
I dated just one guy after him and this far he seems to be pretty into girls. Hopefully he doesn't turn out to like dicks, otherwise I will have people making fun of me till I die.
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>>17568101

we didn't quite make fun of her unless she did. it was just got rediculous. like i thought it was impossible that EVERY guy left her for him (i was the new kid that year) but then she fell in love with another guy who had no reason for us to think he was gay.

he told me that he lost his virginity, but got chlamidyah.

a week later, the gay ex boyfriends fag hag was talking to a friend about how the gay guy had sex with a guy at school but accidentally gave him chlamidyah.

i was able to put two in two together and just kinda laughed for a week.

the girl was my best friend but she managed to take it in stride. w e even made a song about it (to the beat of a mario level song)

this conversation has escaped me.

OP, if you want to explore your sexuality, leave your girl and do it.
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>>17567965
>For all the possible reasons my gf might break up with me, her discovering herself to be lesbian, would be amongst the least worst. It would mean nothing was my fault and no other man will ever have her on top of that.
>If she cheated on me with another man, and dumped me for him I'll be a lot sadder.
femanon here, I feel similar about men as you do about women. I'd be pretty devastated if I was in love with a guy and he ended up being gay, but I'd have an easier time not taking it personally. plus, I would think (theoretically) we'd have a better chance of parting amicably and being friends afterward, since his future boyfriends wouldn't have to worry about me competing with them.
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So I should tell my ex she turned me gay next time she texts all drunk?

I don't even care if people think I'm gay.
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>>17568186

if you want to make her feel bad and thats your intent, but the gay part is not necessary. its easy to devastate a woman. saying 'you turned me gay' is like saying 'you smell bad'. sure it hurts, but its hardly the worst.

just say that you started cheating on her one week into the relationship and ur actually STILL with the other girl now.
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>>17568193
I just want her to never speak to me again. Figured that would remove me as an option and push the knife a little deeper as a plus.
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I knew my boyfriend was into guys before we became a couple. I asked him once if he didn't prefer men and he said that didn't matter to him in being a relationship with someone plus he said "it's not like I'm gonna talk to you about girls am I?" which is a good point I guess.
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>>17568028
thanks senpai, not op but needed to read this
Thread posts: 23
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