Fuck

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I couldn't be with someone else because I hated myself for unresolved issues I've had for over 6 years now. So I don't know what to do or say to her. I'm supposed to give her stuff back and she said we will talk sometime but I don't know what to say. I don't want her out my life but I'm suffering from debilating heart aches constantly unless I talk about my issues. She was such a perfect girl. She was pretty and loving and we had a great sex life. She's a senior in college right now and 19 and I'm 20 and I have only 33 credits and I'm still on probation at school. I don't know what the fuck to do. I can't believe I let her slip through my hands because I'm a self loathing idiot who couldn't work on his issues. What do I say when I see her next? She knows me well enough to know that if she didn't break up with me I would never change and improve my life. So she's doing to help me and herself. I'm a fucking psycho to the people I love because I'm scared of everyone else and I can't deal with issues. God damn what do I say to her?

The pic above is an example of shit I said to her when lost in a retarded mental state.

You have borderline personality disorder

Leave her alone

Wow, you're an asshole.

Go to therapy, leave her alone.

>>17567271
>>17567271
This is surely bait, but anyhow, no ordinary couple sends texts like that. And you're a cunt, and you know that - if you had a shred of integrity, you would only say sorry to her when she collects the stuff, and be on your own for abit to work on yourself like you say to her you will - get a psychologist, go to the gym etc.

>>17567276
It's not as simple as that. I've been depressed as shit for 6 years since I started high school. I went to an elite high school where I thought I was better than everyone but at the same time never tried. I consistently failed to make an attempt to try in school and because of the constant failings I lost confidence and became depressed. I refused to fucking fix myself and gave my parents constant shit. My life was a revolving door of hell because I was stuggling to pass math classes. They weren't hard, I just didn't study or believe in myself and I gave up constantly. I've been giving up for so long that I've hated their people that are successful. I went to my college which is a good college by the way hating it. And I did properly because of that negative view. When I got kicked out, I hated myself so much. I was jealous of my girlfriend because everything in her life is good. I took out all that frustration and anger on her. I don't think I have BPD. I've been like this only for 6 months now since I was kicked out of college. Before that our relationship was happy and I loved her. I think I also thought she would leave me because I was a fucking failure who got kicked of school and was now going to community college. I started hating her and distancing myself from her even though she was nothing but living because I was afraid she wouldn't love me anymore because I hated myself. I've done this shit for long. I've hated this one kid at college because he was happy and his life was going well. Yesterday was the first time I saw him in a while and he was nothing but nice to me and offered to help me out and get me more involved at school to be happier and I've been a dick to him for so long. I've been a dick to my parents because I didn't want to be around them because they made me face the realities of my problems. I've been running from my problems for so long and girlfriend knew that unless she broke up with me, I would never fix them.

>>17567270
>I don't want her back yet
you arrogant cunt. Leave her the fuck alone. If by some chance she comes back you will be insufferable and punish her for breaking up. Kick to the balls is what you need

>>17567287
It's not bait. I so wish it was. I can send you more if you don't believe me.

>>17567276
>You have borderline personality disorder
no he doesn't, he's just a dick

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>>17567287
Here

>>17567270
You're the definition of an abusive boyfriend, stay single till you can sort your shit out with a therapist

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>>17567287
More

>>17567301
I fucking know but how the fuck do I deal with losing arguably the most perfect girl ever. its constant heartache now

>>17567270
Massive autism and I didn't even read your posts or see your pictures, just the wall of text is enough to tell.

>>17567314
you live with the consequences fuckwad. I'm not helping you

I've failed my math class in college two times so far. If I fail again, I get kicked out again. And I can't get back in. And I told her I would kill myself if I didn't pass this class. I'm and still serious about it. I've cried and fought with me parents and fought with my teacher, dealt with administration because I was unwilling to make an effort in math. I was so afraid of failing I didn't care to try. I've had 6 terrible years where this shit with math has driven me insane. And I'm not bad at it. I'm just a pussy. If I can't muster the motivation to pass this class once then I'm offing myself. I'm not going trough hell to deal with the shit afterwards. My GPA goes up .8 if I pass this class. I'm not on probation anymore and I am free to do anything I want. I placed out of all the lower math classes so this is the only one I'll ever have to take in my life again. If I can't pass this class then I'm killing myself and this the epicenter of all my self hate.

>>17567323
>>17567328
That's not fucking helpful you fucking faggot. I'm not autistic. I've been a part time student for so long. I've stopped talking to people because of how depressed I was and how ashamed I was. I'm not dealing with your bullshit if you don't want to help. You wouldn't have posted of you didn't care.

>You wouldn't have posted of you didn't care.
Incorrect. They're posting because you're obviously an idiot who is easy to make fun of.
No one in their right mind will help you after reading those texts. You are mentally abusive to her and clearly aren't ready to handle a relationship without being a manipulative chode.

>>17567353
I'm not trying to get back together with her. That's not the right step for her or me. After we broke up, I tried manipulating her into getting back together with me without even thinking about it. I need help being more conscious of my fucking mental choices. But I can't help it sometimes when I'm just feeling so fucking terrible.

>>17567341
Sounds like autism to me.

>>17567341
The point is that "how do I deal with losing the girl of my dreams?" doesn't have a happy answer. You were awful to her, and once she had enough self-respect to leave you, of course you're gonna think about her. Being self-destructive doesn't justify being abusive, just try to be a better person and learn from your mistakes. Wallowing in self-pity like this is only gonna exacerbate your desperation and negative habits

>>17567379
Thank you, I've been working on myself. I've got meetings with two different therpists soon. I'm not wallowing in my pity. It's just hard to come to terms with myself after this. And I don't know what to do about the physical heartache. Writing or talking helps. But is there anything else I should do about that or should I let it run its course?

sad

>>17567404
Lmao thanks for the support but I'm not sad. Just mad at myself. And I feel bad for her. And I'm just wondering how I could not see this all.

If it makes any difference, my last girlfriend was bipolar and off her meds. That was a fucking rollercoaster ride. I never attained closure with that girl. And I even through talking to me friends who knew both of us and said that she was abusive to me and crazy I was never full convinced that it was her. I always thought that I was the one being a dick to my last girlfriend even when I tried my hardest not to be. Example: last Ex got mad at me for not wanting to come to the baseball game final at our school. A couple hours later, I decide that I'll go for her, and she gets mad at me for wanting to go now. I go to the game but she won't talk to me and mid game she leaves where in sitting and takes her friends to go sit somewhere else. She doesn't talk to me for a day or two and puts me through hell so I can convince her to not break up with me. She had never dated anyone for more then 2 months prior to me then. Anything I did for her made her either extremely mad at me or she would just not talk to me. I always thought that since it was my first relationship I was being stupid but I don't think I ever got over those issues with the last one. And she was diagnosed bi polar and supposed to be taking her meds.

>>17567323
You're so right.

>>17567386
I was jealous and awful to my high school girlfriend and I think I pressured her into sex a lot, which is just about the sleaziest thing I can imagine. It's easy to demonize yourself but these are common habits (sadly) and as long as you stop once you're aware, you can escape your own condemnation. Take some time for yourself and learn what it is to feel good, and to make others feel good. Therapists help a lot, as do the people you like. Focus on making them feel good; things like complimenting or doing favors without them knowing feel amazing once you start consciously doing it, and before you know it you'll be in habits of kindness rather than negativity.

>>17567483
Thanks I probably am considering I was clingy as fuck for nearly 6 months and I stopped talking to my peeps. I feel like my social skills are starting from scratch.

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I don't even know how to breach this bastion of autism.

>>17567718
Explain what you mean by autism?
I get my social interactions are off. That's my fault. How do I work on it?

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>>17567308
>Lol good

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>>17567734
Welp battering ram incoming.

First off you're crazy. Trust me, I went through this phase in high school as well. You're crazy and a toxic person. This is not a heslthy way to react.

Second, you can't rationalize emotion. You just have to deal with it. Emotion is the wild card in life and you just have to do what you can when it's negative.

Third, women initiating sex is not the same as men. Most women will take of clothes or press themselvea up against you, or even just start kissing you. They aren't going to atart groping you like you do. If this is something important to you, then you putting the spotlight on her is going to make her more nervous andmore uncomfortable. Let her go at her own pace and when she's comfortable I guarantee she'll make it worth.

Fourth, you're just shotgunning attempts to start shit bouncing from one thing to another until you get a reaction that you want. This is just making her more and more reserved causing you to act out more and it's just a stupid vicious cycle.

Grow up.

>>17567769
>First off you're crazy
>Grow up.

That's all you need to say to him, look at how he acts so narsistic in his texts to his (ex) gf, fuckin no wonder she finally dropped your ass. Theres no way coming back from that with her, with someone new sure, but shes done with you.

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>>17567270
Wow dude, you are a fucking dick. I think you would honestly be the first person I would say the world would be better off without. It shouldve been you who died, not her grandmother. Then at least nobody would grieve over your abusive ass. I honestly feel so bad for that girl because she just takes it like its normal. Fuck you, dude.

grow up OP
people aren't toys you can just smash and buy new
you pampered little shit

>>17567779
Yeah fuck that's true. I remember some girl I used to like in middle school called me narcissistic and I took it as a complement but I didn't think much of it. I guess that's where I start with a therapist. That's where it all went downhill.

>>17567853
Trust me when I say if I could go back in time and fix this all I would. I didn't get any enjoyment of doing this to her. I just hated my own life and I took that out on her.

>>17567838
I'm OP and I agree with you. But if I had died before she broken up with me, she would have been worse off. I'm just going to try and help her get closure.

>>17567911
Fuck that sounds stupid. I need to think before I speak.

You're a fucking douchebag anon.

>>17567296
Yeah your problem isn't that you're a failure, it's that you actively fuck your own life up. It's a choice. You don't try, and worse, you build up resentment and then roll in it so that you can build up frustration and anger and intentionally fuck shit up and then build up more angst about these horrible problems.

You have to accept that you have no right to "take out" your frustrations on anyone because you actively built them yourself. It's one thing to be depressed but it's a different thing to actively be that toxic.

Talk to a therapist and actively try to quit your fucking shit. Like read some self-help books on anger management or whatever to learn tools on what to do when you get "frustrated" that other people's lives don't suck as bad as yours (seen from the outside at least, you don't know what they're going through) and learn other ways of dealing with those emotions.

Honestly, saying "I just get overwhelmed by my emotions, I can't help myself" is the bullshit excuse domestic abusers use. You're responsible for your own actions. Learn new ways of controlling your emotions before it grows any worse, be it breathing or meditating exercises or learning to remove yourself from the situations and halt the sliding down the vortex of frustration or whatever

>>17567334
Yeah you're actively steering yourself towards failure by piling that much pressure on that ONE CLASS, ONE TEST, ONE CHANCE when you know that you have a tendency to panic and respond to important things that you "can't fail" by refusing to even try because you fear failing so much

I know that feeling and get it too, stupidly not being able to tackle important things even though I know they're important because I fear their importance, and let me tell you you're needlessly making it almost impossibly difficult for yourself to study for that class and pass it by piling that much importance and drama on it. Why do you do that to yourself

I'd say
1) talk to your parents about your crippling fear of failure, apologize for having been so difficult
2) talk to a therapist
3) talk to someone at the school, try to arrange for a permission to retake the test a couple of times if you fail, explain your depression and how it affects you and how you really want to pass but the mental issues make it hard
4) visualise and accept that failing the class is a possibility and make plans for how your life will continue if you fail the class, this way it becomes less scary
5) tackle the class in smaller portions, don't build it into this kind of DO OR DIE ALL OR NOTHING over dramatic bullshit because you fucking know that's exactly the way to build it up into something so scary you won't be able to even fucking look at the math book before breaking into a cold sweat of stress and anxiety and the guilt of all your past failures. Just set small goals and think that it's preparation for the next round.
6) use the pomodoro technique for studying, google it
7) stop being such a little shit who wallows in their self pity and pours their pain on other people, they don't deserve it for fucks sake

>>17567270
You're a shit cunt OP. That's all I can say.

Leave her alone, you dont deserve her, hopefully you will end up with someone just as shitty as you

hope you are young
its not so much what you said but its just that tone of
>i think im the boss here
>but the reality is im 13 mentally

>>17568686
I'm 20. And I'm full of my self while also hating myself. I know I'm fucked up.

>>17568681
I can't leave her alone. I'll never get a girl as good as her again. That's my biggest fear now.

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Here's your meme OP.

>>17567270
You're a piece of shit. Leave her alone

Holy shit.

Therapy for you ASAP, maybe meds. Despite your history, you aren't reacting normally. This is almost vile what you said to her in response to live situations. My Iraqi coworker who fled Iraq in the 90s has more empathy to strangers than you do towards a significant other.

Sorry but not sorry I'm so harsh. This is either extreme lack of empathy due to social privilege or coddling by parents, or a legitimate psychological disorder needing meds especially seeing your subsequent responses.

Basically if you dont stop being a piece of shit OP you're gonna have to stay out of relationships. It's simple: do you want to be a dick or do you want to be happy?

>>17568984
He's happy being a dick. It was making him feel good to make her his emotional punching bag.

>>17567270
Get yourself together, man.

Move to Philly
Buy a Loft
Start a Noise Band
Get Six or Seven Roommates
Eat Hummus with them
Book Some Gigs
Burn Down an Applebee's
Listen to Animal Collective
Start some Kind of Salsa Company

>>17567296
Why are you depressed for failing at something you never even gave a serious attempt at? Is it just regret that you didn't actually put some effort into it?

>>17568947
I don't know what reacting normally entails?

>>17568984
My whole life I thought only people who were dicks were happy.

>>17569052
It's regret and fear and the same time. If I fail then I'm ashamed of myself because I should fail if I try. It's regret in the form of wtf how did everything fall apart so bad when I'm considered intelligent.

You absolutely need to tell her what you told us in those first two posts. You mentally fucked her and you need to tell her the truth and what's what, so to help with her healing from your shit.

>>17568947
What are you referring to specifically? I know I shouldn't bother her, but I think I still could be good for her. We dated for more than an year and I only started going batshit insane when I got kicked out of college and lost all my friends. I lost it because sex and her were the only good things in my life and when I didn't get them I was unhappy and scared of losing them.

>>17569077
That's something I thought about and I will do it when and if she decides to contact me. My last gf did what I did to her and it fucked me for so long.

>>17569082
My Iraqi friend had her uncle killed before her eyes and had to flee Iraq because they were liberal Muslims (neither she nor her mother nor female siblings wear hijabs, which the dominant denomination in Iraq persecuted them for). I had another friend who was in the foster system his whole life and his uncle raped him repeatedly.

Take a look at your own problems and compare them to others, so you realize how petty your own issues are and how lashing out on those you love because of such petty issues is a really shitty thing.

My mom died and medical and funeral expenses were so large I had to drop out of college and haven't returned. Instead, I found ways to make money I enjoy. I do like a biology lab setting (especially in genetics), it if I want to go back and do that I have all the time and expendable income to do it in the not too distant future.

I don't care about your issues. No one does. It was no excuse to take out your aggression on her.

>>17569089
>when and if she decides to contact me
No. You need to do it no matter what.
Answer all her questions, put everything straight. It's imperative for her mental wellbeing.

>>17567911
>>17567914
You are right that she would feel like shit if you offed yourself while you two were together. However you do not need to help her find closure unless she comes to you looking for it. I know you might feel like you owe it to her, but don't go forcing it if she isn't looking for any closure.

>>17567301
this

he fucking deserves to lose her lmao

>I-I won't fuck you because my feelings!
my fucking sides lmao

>>17567769
>>17567838
when do we say underage b&?

because obviously he's still not self-aware
>>17567904

>>17569072
lmfao you failed at something you didn't try at, and you're embarrassed that things didn't effortlessly work out for you because you think you're "better" than other people. you sound like a narcissist and/or a sociopath

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>>17568769
Bullshit. I went through a breakup with a girl I had similar feelings about when I was your age. 6 years later I am engaged to an entirely different woman and had many relationships in between. This feeling will fade in time. While you will never totally forget her it will become more of a learning experience. Learn to embrace failure as a learning experience. I feel like people don't say that enough. Don't be afraid of failure. You should instead fear inaction and stagnation. Failure means that you at least tried something new and you should take at least one thing away from that failure. Maybe you fail again the next time you try, but you don't fuck up as badly as the first time. Learn to laugh about past failures and the stupidity of your youth.

>>17568947
I was bullied a shit ton as a little kid. I eventually tried becoming a bully when I was older. It never worked that we'll because my friends were nice to me and it felt bad. But I also glorified the kids that were bullies, thinking they were cool. I thought I was a sociopath for the longest amount of time and I glorified being one thinking I could take advantage of everyone and no one could have a leg up on me. But it's hard to be that. I've got close friends I care about that I can't say or do mean things to because I genuinely care about them. Like one of my best friends has always told me I'm an asshole but she also has said I've got a nice aura about me and I can never be completely mean. I know I've got some childhood issues to resolve. This girl that I went to elementary school with used to make fun of me in first grade. I met her again at my friends college campus and she doesn't remember being mean to me but I do. And I'm not mad or sad. I'm just indifferent. Yes I know everything is about me and that's something else I have to work on. But it's a trip when the bitch who made feel like shit in the first grade wants to smoke weed and blow me. I don't know what's happened to me and I'll be working with a couple therapists on myself. I don't even know what to say to the fact that I'm not reacting "normally". I fucking love this girl and I've tried not so hard to cry about it. I ate my third meal in three days today. I was crying about it yesterday and I don't fucking know what to do. I want to be a mature adult and try and give her closure and let it be that but I know my girlfriend well enough to know that she's smarter then me and she did this and is trying to maintain and friendship because she still loves me. She knew I'd never change until I lost her.

>>17569089
Alright I will do it no matter what but I can't contact her right now considering she just put her grandmother 6 feet under and that the last time I spoke to her I tried manipulating her into getting back together with me. I will give it some time first.

>>17569136
I think now.

>>17567270
Autist/10

Please don't come back again

>>17569102
I have no respect for other people. I can't empathize with you. I can't put myself in the reality of losing my mother. I would shut down completely if that happened to me. I don't even know what to say to things like that. I'm sorry that your mother died. But I don't understand how I'm supposed to be empathetic. I'm not strong to maintain my shit if my mother died. My father would fucking drive us through living hell and I wouldn't want to live.

>>17569194
You empathize by doing what you are already thinking of in a way. You feel bad for the other person by understanding the pain they are feeling since you understand how loosing your own mother would be painful for you.

>>17569194
If you are unable to empathize period, please just drop this girl and never get in a relationship again. Either absolve that for sexual satisfaction you need to turn to paid sex or be abstinent, since you are unable to have emotional relationships out of self-satisfactory ones.

Your "reasons" for being "callous" are extremely first world laughable, and I say this as a right winger.

>>17569151
>6 years later I am engaged to an entirely different woman and had many relationships in between.

You said this and I don't know how to say it in any other way. I glorify my girlfriend because she's going to be 19 and graduating with a bachelors in math. She's pretty, awesome, intelligent, has high libido, has and IQ of 175, would constantly take care of me, talk to me, and just in general was the most perfect human being ever. I don't think anyone can top that. And yes I look at humans like a rating out of 100 in a video game. It's so fucked up shit that I do but I can't really help it. My girlfriend made me breakfast the other day, let me play video games, cuddle her, we fucked, and then she left for class. She had her own shit to do but she liked being with me. And I've never found anyone that can actually love me. I've always felt that besides being lucky genetically, I'm a shit human being. But she loved me and she loved me for me. I don't think I can replace that and I don't want to. I don't think I'll ever meet someone as perfect as her. She would have been such a great fucking mother but thank god she didn't marry me because I'm insane. Wouldn't be fair to her.

>>17569156
>me I me I me I me I
At least you realize you need to work on how to use self introspection to your advantage, rather than being an asshole.

But your first step is to admit you are an utter dick for idiotic childish reasons. The you can move on. Then self improve. Then get a girl and marry her and have babies you treat with love you didn't get as a kid.

Take this as a loss and try for a year to improve almost everything about yourself emotionally. Improving physically is a symbiosis that will also aid your progress.

>>17569202
Yes but I can't express that verbally. I can't say what I said there without being an autist. If he said that to me in person, I would just say I'm so sorry, are you okay. I wouldn't be able to empathize over a conversation.

I hope everyone know that I'm taking everyone of these replies and reading them as reminders of what to do and how to improve myself. Even the ones who call me autistic. I actually don't know how to say it in any other way but I appreciate everyone taking the time out of their day just to say some shit to me. This and my friends help me get through the day. Thank you.

>>17569215
I don't think most truly insane people actually acknowledge that they are insane. You are just depressed and not thinking straight. Unfortunately, time is the only thing that will help you get over her. Just focus on self-improvement for now.

>>17567270
Legitimately OP reading through this thread and the images you've been posting (assuming they're legit), you're in no place to be a relationship. Fix your own problems and insecurities first instead of projecting them onto others and then coming here to bitch about it.
Get your shit together faggot.

>>17569280
I will. I don't remember what it's like to actually be happy.

OP one more time. I should probably get an award for top shit poster. She went on this frat type retreat this weekend and came back and broke up with me. She spent two hours getting high with some guy and watching lord of the rings. Now I trust her and I don't want to believe she cheated on my dumb ass but I can't help think that it's a possibility. Or maybe her being with that guy made her realize what it's like to have a normal relationship. So she used to use my laptop and she's logged into her iCloud on it and I can see she's been texting this guy and they've been sitting around and talking a lot. I can't get over this. Fuck everything else. It makes it so much worse that I gave my girlfriend away to some guy because I treated her like shit. I can't deal with this shit. I don't deserve the empathy but I don't know what to do. She said she would talk to me sometime and it's been two days and she hasn't. I know I should keep waiting but it's fucking hard. God damn I've never fucked up this bad before.

>>17569559
She told me she did that by the way. And I asked her if it's someone else and she told me no and that she needs sometime before she can be in a relationship. I want to believe her. But can I truly?

>>17569565
Maybe she is lying, maybe she isn't. You shouldn't care, she should be with someone else who makes her happy and doesn't treat her like shit.

holy shit like OP fucked up so hard here haha

>was an abusive asshole
>threatened to dump gf
>gf dumps him instead
>OP realizes that HE is the problem

>>17569559

listen OP assuming this massive shitpile of self loathing and self pitty isn't bait heres what you do now

A. Log out of her shit iCloud or whatever
B. Stop talking to her/ If she wants to talk to you she will
C. Go to the therapist or whatever and figure out your shit
D. STOP HATING ON YOURSELF, YOU ALREADY FUCKED UP NOW FIX WHAT CAUSED IT = YOU

>>17569675
Brah it's not bait. I can send you any type of proof you like. I'm a giant douche. I will see therapists and work in myself.

>>17569682
Fuck I no longer have her nudes.

Good thread OP, this thread reminds me of myself only I haven't been dumped yet, and I really should be, I'm just the same amount of self-hating, projecting garbage. Should I just get it over with myself or should I leave them the honour of dumping me instead?

Almost thought this was my pos bf for a sec holy. (Grandma passed away/no mom)
tempted to show this to him to make him realize what all the outside perspectives are.
I think this girl is inspiring me desu.

>>17570140
desu = desu everytime on my damn phone

>>17567270
Kill yourself and make the world a better place.

>>17567296
Wah wah I'm depressed I thought I was better than everybody therefore I acted like a total cunt to people around me and a completely selfish obnixous bastard yet I want them to forgive meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee


You sound like a whiny princess faggot. Holy shit your daddy really didn't beat you enough you fucking sissy faggot.

Kill yourself. The world needs less entitled, pussy, weak, spineless losers like you.

It's everybody's fault but yours, right?

I don't want to get too sanctimonious with you but you're incredibly self-centered, but that's okay because you're young. You're old enough that you should know not to be a dick to somebody you supposedly love in the manner that you were, but it's too late now, you've already done it.

You fucked it up, anon. Move on, it was never going to last anyway. You seem to have a modicum of self-awareness but you need time to grow up and shed this side of you that is an asshole.

What is this trainwreck of a thread good god. Poor girl

>>17567270
>>17567271
>>17567308
>>17567311

>These fucking messages

So, it sounds like you're never getting back together if she has any shred of self-respect.

How to put this...

LOL GOOD.

>>17570212
Or you know if I can actually fix myself.

>>17570156
Yeah I get I'm a bitch but that shit is unresolved and affects my interactions with other people. I can recognize it and I'm working on it. That's all.

>>17570140
Is there any chance I can get back together with her in 6 months. How can I make it up to her.

>>17570553

You can't. Apparently you don't know shit about socializing, go see a therapist ASAP and then we will talk.

>>17570581
Lmao maybe, I've got a fucked up view of humans with too many unrealistic expectations and too few genuine feelings of empathy and compassion. But I've still got a lot of close friends and shit. I just don't know how to make people come to me and open up to me with trying to also make them want to fuck me.

>>17569559
Leave her alone OP, for God's sake, you're an abusive and clingy asshole, the worst combination possible. Don't talk to her ever again, you don't deserve her nor any woman. IF she cheated on you, you fucking deserve it. Visit a therapist and please don't have children ever.

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You're one of those disgusting people who blames other people or push their emotions to people next to you
Go fix yourself, get therapy, stop being a narcist and stop acting like a sadist

>>17567311

You're......you're a fucking idiot. Don't make a thread ever again.

>>17567378
Certainly smells like it.

Any female opinions? My friends said she will come back. I don't know if that's true. They apparently always come back. Can't fucking keep waiting though.

>>17571939
Hopefully she doesn't. Hopefully your "friends" leave you too.

>>17571939
have you apologized to her?

>>17572061
No she should she would contact me sometime soon. I don't want to contact her. I fucked up by trying to manipulate her when we last talked. I won't do that now but I think I fucked it up really. I'm going to wait for her to talk to me. And then I will apologize and try and give her closure. Then I'll make our relationship about her.

>>17572195
She said she would ***

I'm gonna marry this bitch one day. Y'all will fucking see. And I'll be a better parent than mine were. And I'll love and cherish my future wife more than anything. I can fix all of this.

>>17571939
I already gave you an opinion
>>17569217
>>17569209
You have some issues you really need to sort out yourself before trying to be with others again in an intimate relationship.

Fix your own problems before you dump them on another person. Go to a therapist maybe volunteer in your local soup kitchen to gain empathy. I found a lot of people's narcissism and empathy disorders stem simply from a lack of exposure in serving others, or listening to others, or being enforced by a guardian/parent/teacher to learn empathy.

>>17572195
What? You fucked up again.

Text her with a heartfelt text apology (that details why and how you were wrong, not a simple fucking "I'm sorry," details!), with the closing line "I need to apologize in person."

You were in the wrong, you take initiative even if she isn't responding to texts. She'll read it.

>>17569245
>I don't think most truly insane people actually acknowledge that they are insane.
They might if they're sociopaths looking to play the "I fucked up, woe is me, see how bad I feel" card. My father's diagnosed with ASPD and it was his bread and butter.

>>17571939
If she has self-respect (she appears to), she won't even look your way until you A) put yourself through therapy, B) put what you've learned into action, and C) make serious lasting changes in your life. It's going to take a long fucking time. I've been in her shoes before. The guy wasn't as self-centered, but he was still abusive and had issues with rage and self-sabotage. I noped my way out of that relationship when I realized he wouldn't change and fell into the arms of someone that didn't treat me like garbage.

>>17570797
>>17570943
>>17571044

fuck men all these things kinda apply to me, yet i would never treat a girl i love like that. ive been sadistic, ive blamed a lot of other people, been miserable, self pitying, narcistic, but i would never ever treat mmy gf like that.

A Psychiatrist who specializes in narcissism wrote this post which applies greatly to you:

http://thelastpsychiatrist.com/2009/01/can_narcissism_be_cured.html

Read his other posts on narcissism (the story of narcissus), recognize your behavior patterns and change them. You feel like a shit person because that's what you are. You are your actions. Pondering the hows and whys of how you are is narcissism, it doesn't matter, no one gives a shit it's just you feeling sorry for yourself and wallowing instead of changing. If you don't want to be an abusive piece of shit change your behavior, otherwise you deserve every bit of your self-loathing. Normal people use those feelings to change, you're using them to go on narcissistic rants about your life story and how hard you have it. Tryig to manipulate people into giving you sympathy so you don't feel like a piece of shit. No, sorry, to get that you have to stop behaving like a POS.

OP, I'm glad you are realising you're a massive fucking abusive asshole, but I want you to leave this girl alone. I know you said you still want her in your life, but you don't get what you want. There are consequences for being this much of an asshole, and you have to pay for them.

Leave her alone, grow up, get better, forget about her, find someone else and don't fuck it up. Let this chapter close.

Move the fuck on

>>17572941
I don't know about that though. She said she would talk to me and she just put her grandmother 6 feet under. I just don't think that I should text her yet considering I tried manipulation without thinking about it. I really do want to apologize to her but I can't do it now. I don't how she will handle it. She's missed classes because of her grandmother's funeral and she probably has work to catch up on and the trip to where her grandmother lives is 6 hours one way. I honestly just want to give her some time to get her own shit together before I try to do anything. I don't think it would be fair any other way. She told me she would text me sometime. The entirety of our relationship she never put a foot wrong and I never trusted her so I have to trust that she will text me eventually. I really just want to give her sometime to make up some schoolwork and let her relax a little before she has to think about me again.

>>17572969
I'm not a sociopath. I've wanted to be. I've thought it was cool. But I'm not one. I tortured a kitten once in my youth. I was 10. I put it in a bucket of water big enough that it couldn't get out. Then I saw it like freaking out and shivering in the cold because of being in the rain. I cried about that back then. I still think about how that kitten is doing. I made sure to feed it extra afterwards and I honestly was so scared it was going to die. I don't know what you can classify what I just said as. But I didn't enjoy what I did to the kitten after I realized. So I'm just stupid.

>>17572981
Yeah well my changes were a bit more instant and I've got therapy sessions already. Change will happen either by me changing or me killing myself. One or the other all by December.

>>17573053
That doesn't mean anything. My dad likes his dogs, because he sees them as an extension of himself (or what he wants to be: big, scary, alpha). You can be somewhere on the spectrum. You'll figure it out soon enough anyway.

>>17573056
If you're that unstable, you have no business trying to bring her back into your life. You've still got a long way to go. A few months is nothing.

>>17573065
I think you misrecognize instability. I'm not unstable. I'm actually more happy and calm right now than I have been in a couple months. In the 4 subsequent days since my ex broke up with me, I've made friends, reconnected with old ones, put into use ideas on how to improve. But that doesn't matter if I can't change my school situation. So yeah. That's all there is to it. I'm not unstable. I know suicide is taboo and scary and it scares me. But I've felt more lucid and aware lately than ever before. All work and no play makes jack a dull boy. No work and all play makes jack a fucking fiend with no career in sight. I have to find the balance and get my grades up. I can't waste my parents money anymore. I can't waste my friends time. I can't waste my own time. I just straight up feel bad for putting my parents into hell for schooling. I have to do it.

>>17567270
will you guys stop responding to this fucking nut. he's been at this for two days. he's crazy

>>17573059
alright but the only sociopathic thing I do is lie about things. Things I don't even need to lie about. I don't manipulate people anymore. I'm not sadistic. And I realize that life without others is not a life worth living. maybe I am maybe I'm not. I just have to Change the bad.

>>17573101
Lol actually I just wanted to see how long this could go for. This is why I'm seeing a second and third therpist. Different approaches and hopefully they catch something that others missed. But I'm done after tonight. I'll make sure this thread dies. Thank you though. I do appreciate all the input.

>>17573014
I'm reading this now. thank you.

>>17567296
>Hurr depression gives me the right to be an asshole at other peoples expense
Fuck you, OP.

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Can this thread be archived or become a meme this is such a trainwreck

>>17567270
>>17567271
Hey OP
If you love her you 'll be able to work on yourself
You will be able to crush all those anxieties ,all those problems
Just don't rush it and remember - do it for you, not for her
You can do it
=)

>>17567296
You can change that. You are aware of your problems, and you have the will to fix them now. Go for it.

>>17567270
you are a cunt man,just a huge dickhead who broke up with his gf ''which he say he likes kek'' because not enough sex while her grandmother just died,what a huge douche.

>>17567270
Show her/send her what you have just written here ( /adv/ ) and never talk to her ever again, ( she will get the message )

show her this thread

also reread what you've posted here with the idea that the posts you are reading are not yours, like it's someone else posting. I don't think you're self-aware enough, because you frequently display traits that you say you don't have, often in the same sentence.

the therapy will be good, listen to them, actually listen to them and don't question them. Don't lie to them. Lying will not solve anything, you will not get useful applicable information if you are dishonest.

>>17573571
question as in attempt to discredit them, like you think they don't know what they're talking about. I think questioning is fine but arguing with them is not beneficial. if that even makes sense.

and really you have no business getting back with her. accept that her being gone from your life is necessary atonement for your various blunders or something, but please just let her be happy.

>>17567311
>if you can't take care of yourself [with makeup], how can you expect me to share my thoughts with you?

What the fuck dude. I like how you have no awareness of how bad this shit sounds and want us to explain it to you. Honestly, I don't know how much therapy would help.

>>17567404
Thanks for your input Donald.

>>17574052
Well I know it sounds bad now. When I was dating her, I wasn't even thinking about it. I didn't care. I turn to extreme apathy when I'm sad and shit doesn't work for me. Aka my whole life. So I don't know what to say. I'll think before I speak.

>>17574626
Stop making promises, we don't give a shit. Speak up about it after you've made some changes and stopped treating people like that, until then your words on this subject don't matter.

>>17574626
Though this was probably your first response without narcissistic defenses so that's a positive development, you are aware that this is your problem, now take steps to change it.

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We dont talk anymore like we used to. I think i can pinpoint where it all went wrong too but what good does it do me now?
I've been keeping myself distracting with whatever bullshit i can so i dont get absolutely blindsided with all these feelings, more bad than good.
The last month or so has been especially hard but i dont let anyone see it because i dont know what to say when they ask me why i feel so bad. I cant put it into words. its just huge weight i cant shift.
Anyway i know you are doing okay so there's that, or maybe we are both putting on a brave face.

>>17568769
>I can't leave her alone

That sounds like something a serial killer would say

>>17567270
>>17567271
>>17567296
Uncle, is that you? No... my uncle is an even bigger pretentious pseudo-intellectual who killed his own mother and then kept his arrogance and asshole personality 1 day after he just killed her, the mentally retarded sociopath.

You are nuts OP. Leave her alone for both your sakes. She might call the cops and get a restraining order if you keep trying to contact her with anything else except an apology.

these texts remind me of my bf who was abusive to me. he wore me down to the point that i wasn't myself anymore. leave her alone and never speak to her again because you're too much of a dick to do any good for her.

She deserves so much better than you.

Be thankful you were even able to be with her for so long.

Man OP, lemme be real with you. You are (were?) a massive cunt. You need to spend a loooong time working on yourself. Get sorted out properly and apologise until your throat is sore.

>>17567270
Alright OP I'll bite, from what I've read so far. The other Anons are right, you have a huge narcissism problem. Even right now. The way you're typing gives the impression that you think you're the only one that can help her. You need to work on yourself before you even think about helping others. I'd recommend seeing a therapist.

>>17574626
>When I was dating her, I wasn't even thinking about it. I didn't care.
And you care now because you lost something and you want it back. But if you get it back, you'll act the same way you did before you lost it.

>I'll think before I speak.
You will until you start to feel comfortable with her, and then you'll start abusing her again.

You are a person I will wish dead tonight. It won't happen, but I'm going to hope as hard as I can, as if I was praying to a god, that you die tonight. You are a waste who ruins others. I really hope you fucking die man, I'm not even kidding.

>>17575681
Fuck off.

>>17575586
No I don't want it back. I keep fucking thinking about it and wtf. She said we would talk if we have anything to talk about. If I'm going to try and rebuild a relationship with her, what the fuck do I talk to her about. I killed this off. If you ask my why I loved her right now, I wouldn't be able to give you any reason more than listing her qualities as a human being. She was smart, and did well in school and was successful. But why did I love her? I can't even think of that anymore. I'm literally so fucked up that I defined my self worth through her. And that's why I treated her like shit. Because I am shit. We used to take long walks and talk about everything and get bubble tea and I just loved looking at her smile. I can't date anyone if I can't define my self worth through myself. Until I'm happy with myself. I'm going to destroy any other human beings I come into contact with. I need to redefine myself and my life.

how is this thread still up

>>17571939
Femanon here. To be honest you are very childish and obviously don't truly love her. You took her for granted and used her as a punching bag to take out your anger and frustrations on. You are very very selfish and cruel. She needed you there for support and comfort but instead all you care about is "me me me" bitching and complaining like those annoying kids who don't get what they want. A relationship is hard work, it is about working TOGETHER and that means in the good and bad times. She did it for you. Instead of helping her there you complained about not getting hard and throwing a hissy fit.


There is just SO much wrong with what you did, I can't even fathom how you could possibly think you loved her. You didn't. You liked having her around for your needs, that's it. Do her a favor and don't try to win her over, I'm sure you have already hurt her enough and she deserves better then a prick like you.

Go to some therapy.

You're a textbook narcissist OP.
- Low self esteem
- Feeling of superiority (compensation mecanism for low self esteem)
- Incapable of feeling empathy
- Charismatic aura that makes you liked by people who don't know you too deep (and you will never let them know you)
- Know exactly how to trigger sympathy from others
- Projects all problems on others
- Cannot imagine failing

Narcissists either get with someone they can completely dominate emotionnally (what you did) or another nacissist, so they can satisfy their need to control their image and stroke their ego by putting down others constantly (''I am superior to them yet they are better than me, the only way I can settle this injustice of the world is by pulling them down below my level''). If there is one thing you should take away from this thread, is DO NOT go back with her. Therapy and THEN finding someone who can mitigate your behavior instead of indulging it is your best bet.

>>17576528
That's not entirely true. I helped her get through her best friends suicide. She spent the night sobbing and all I did was sit there with her while she was wasted and put her to bed. I talked to her afterwards about it. She doesn't have that issue anymore. I helped her go to her grave that she was afraid to face. I pushed my ex to be a better person. I helped motivate her in school. I helped her find an apartment and I helped her move in. I spent time with her and took care of her when she was sick. I was her interim family. She was stuck without an apartment and she moved in with me. I didn't shit on my girlfriend always. I just refused to come out of my own shell.

>>17576623
You did some good things sure, but in the end she still left you. Why? Because those few times weren't enough. Its a constant effort, not just a once in awhile thing. Coming out of your shell has nothing to do with how you treated her. You are emotionally immature and can't handle a serious relationship. Like I said before, you only want her around to satisfy your needs and because you are afraid of not finding someone as good as her. That isn't love. Stop lying to yourself.

A few good deeds does not redeem you for the crap you did to her. You were very cruel and heartless, and even now you are not really accepting the fact that you are in the wrong here. You need to take a hard look at yourself.

I would highly recommened getting help, you sound like a sociopath.

>>17567270
How the fuck do people like you get a girlfriend in the first place? Get help OP and leave her alone. This post has been up for three days, oh shit.

>>17567270
Man OP, you framed this really badly. Always put a spin on things that paints you in a more positive light because this shit won't get you any good advice. People will just shit on you instead.