Annoying my boyfriend

In short, it seems like everything is annoying to him. I don't know what to do at this point. I am trying to change all of the annoying things about myself, because I don't like them either, and it seems like I will always fail at one thing or another.

Whenever I love someone, I never find someone annoying. Or, if something is annoying, I don't constantly accuse my partner of it.

>>17566304
Honey, don't take this the wrong way, but you're a walking red-flag. What I mean is, everyone looking for a casual relationship is gonna shy away from you 95% of the time.

I don't wanna feed doubts, but are you sure he's """the one"""?

you sound really young.

you sound like you have an expectation level in the relationship that isn't being met, but that you also are incapable of articulating to him.

but you also sound like one of these new children of the internet that never learned in person socialization skills and instead did everything through the social media toys of technology.

you also sound very relationship inexperienced overall, not just romantic.

its good to have a desire for self improvement, but theres some other shit going on here.

>>17566312
I guess I don't know, but things are fine when we're together - other than the occasional jumpiness. He vehemently declares his love and gratefulness a lot. He holds me when I cry when we're together, and he assures me that I'm valuable and worth it. It would be a very elaborate lie if he were faking all of that.

>>17566312
This.

Plus consider that your bf doesn't love you and only stays with you to get his dick wet, because from what you're telling he doesn't seem to like a single thing about you.

>>17566317
Can you explain what shit that is? Clearly I have some issues. And yes, this is hard to articulate to someone. I guess the fucked up thing is that I would rather everything be my fault so that I can fix it and make it work, rather than try to communicate this with him on the chance that he refuses to compromise, which would hurt me further.

>>17566324
How would I come to know if this is the case? Do I just not message him for a while and see if he remembers my existence?

>>17566326

well, "fix it" is a typical go-to for guys' reasoning, not grills'. Am assuming grill because picture OP.

you sound like there is some male role model problems.

you also sound like perhaps abuse sufferer of some kind, as people who deal with that trauma can often fall into a hyper sensitive state of trying not to draw attention from their abuser.

you sound like you need more standard friends and may not be in a good place to be in a relationship.

the way you talk about using social media, and the way you 'ping' him with txt screams of someone with socialisation problems.

give us a summary of previous relationships, and general upbringing.

>>17566330
Him being annoyed by everything you do is a good indication.

Why did he ever start dating you if you're so annoying?
What do you think it is that he likes about you and makes him stay if you're so annoying?

You can do that, just not message him and see what happens. You could also just ask him why he likes you and what he sees in you - but the way you talk about him he'll probably think you asking him that is annoying.

(Also are you sure he actually is annoyed and that you're not just projecting your own insecurity onto him?)

>>17566319
He might just like the idea of having you around, but find the actual practice boring as fuck.

You're kind of a bore, he's kind of a douche (again, read this as sweetly as possible, I'm not writing to offend you. I get that you have issues, and I'm sorry to hear that... but that's just not going to change the side effects of those issues).

It doesn't matter who's to blame. The harsh truth is - even if you can't believe that - is that you'll be fine without him, so talk about your needs not being met with him and if he refuses, there's always tomorrow.

I know it may sound scary, or that I do not know what I'm suggesting implies in terms of emotional strain, but I do and I mean it.

No one is gonna come save you from yourself but you, honey.

>>17566337
I have been identifying family issues throughout the past year, which seem to contribute to my mental issues. My mom had my sister when I was eleven, and I took that to mean that I wasn't loved, even though that might have been a stupid thing to think. However, that probably affected me. My parents don't seem to take my emotional issues seriously, even though I'm close with them - meaning, I tell them everything I do, and they generally aren't too overprotective or irrational. The only problem is that whenever I try to bring up having mental illness, they shut it down by telling me to stop making things up and deal with it. I even feel guilty writing mental illness here, because I'm afraid someone will accuse me of being a special snowflake (since I used to be on tumblr and people do that there). I feel like emotional vulnerability is something I can never show to my parents again. I wasn't physically abused or even spanked or anything with the exception of one time. My father made me angry, so I kicked him in the shins, and in return he tackled me onto the couch and started punching my face. Luckily I took martial arts and could block. That probably fucked me up for the emotional vulnerability thing, too.

Most of my past relationships consisted of me falling in love and people discarding me, or just using me for sex. I entered willingly into a relationship with a guy whom I loved who I knew didn't love me - I wasn't deluding myself. It would sincerely surprise me if my boyfriend right now doesn't love me, though - for real. I don't think I'm just saying that.

I don't use social media, really, but I do admit to socialisation problems. I only made a Facebook to message him online rather than text, because he prefers typing to texting. But before I didn't have a Facebook. I guess I used tumblr, but not to talk to people. However, not being on social media probably made it worse, because I have had no real friends since early high school.

Get a friend holy shit.
His favorite food might be chocolate cake, but if he is force fed chocolate cake everyday because no one else is eating it, he is going to get sick of it. He probably wouldnt want to get sick of it either, but it's just what happens.

Get a friend, even maybe just a random person online to talk to.

When the contact levels start to normalize, he'll start initiating as well because he'll want to. If he doesn't, well he's probably done for good

>>17566304
>First, he was annoyed at me crying all of the time (literally every day) from loneliness, because the only person I talked to was him.
>Third, he is annoyed at my mood swings, which happen whenever I'm failing at something.
>Fourth, he is annoyed at me being sad when he doesn't message me for an entire day, and when I express sadness at not talking to him.
>Fifth, he is annoyed whenever I send strings of words throughout the day - "plain words" that are not just meaningful conversation.

Jesus Christ, I don't know how he puts up with you. You're too needy and rely on your phone far too much for social comforts. And in doing so, you're placing all of your baggage on him to deal with. That shit is stressful. It would be in your best interest to seek therapy.

>>17566347
I definitely might be projecting my insecurities. However, I know that he does like things about me. I probably sound like a retard, but I am academically successful, caring, loyal, interesting, hard working, whatever. He does give genuine compliments. He's glad that all of his friends approve of me, and that I share many interests with him, and that he has no regrets about me, and that I'm generally doing everything right. However, I don't feel like I'm going everything right if he finds me annoying so often. I still feel like I have something to worry about. Is it illogical for me to worry?

>>17566367
I know it's stressful, but he placed a shit ton of emotional baggage on me earlier. I'm trying to lessen mine in return for him lessening his, but still, he used to constantly seek assurance that I wouldn't cheat on him and that I loved him. He would get upset with just as much ease as I do now. I was too preoccupied with assuring him to notice my own issues, I think, but now his mood has improved. He's in school and has a job again, as do I, by the way, but still I crave attention.

Is that thing happening to me where the girlfriend becomes more confident when dating a beta guy and then leaves him for someone else, but with genders reversed?

stop being a sulky cunt and harden up you weak cunt

>>17566367
What am I supposed to do when we're apart? Not talk to him? I am genuinely curious. Is it wrong to want not real life conversation? I guess I haven't had enough normal social interaction to know.

>>17566392
I know, but how

>>17566359

your framework to deal with relationships seems a bit threadbare, so like i said before, you need to expand your friend base. even just one or two people can help immensely.

also, being capable of sharing emotional trouble with others is a good characteristic, but if you don't give it some context, your audience may not be able to empathise on the level you need. just exposing your emotional difficulties without giving them some analysis can come off as just -being- emotional. so improve how you communicate with them if you want to have more meaningful interaction.

that said, you still sound very young to me. be less hard on yourself, because committed relationships aren't easy and require effort even when things are going more right than wrong.

and the things you say you've been working on with him can directly apply to improving the quality of relationship with other folks too.

>>17566378
>I definitely might be projecting my insecurities.
Have you considered therapy?

>Is it illogical for me to worry?
No, but if your bf makes you worry all the time then why are you even with him. It doesn't sound like a healthy relationship you're in. If my bf was visibly annoyed all the time about everything I do then I'd break up with him.

>>17566304
>>17566304
>>17566304
Why don't you give him some room to breathe ? He wants to date a woman not a girl. He has probably feelings for you... And you waste it all by making his life a living hell. Give him some room, trust him and let him believe he has to do something for you to notice him.
Considering your mental issues, I recommend meditation. 20 min per day, no devices, no people, think about your current relationship.

>>17566414
Will try. Maybe this is because I haven't faced this level of neediness from someone, but it seems to me like if someone did burden me with their emotional issues, I would gladly accept all of them without considering it a living hell. Like I said, he battled depression himself, was in a constant state of emotional insecurity, and even when I felt annoyed, I constantly tried to be there for him. I would do this many times over again if necessary. I'm not intentionally making this difficult on him, but you're right - I'll give him space.

>>17566390
>Is that thing happening to me where the girlfriend becomes more confident when dating a beta guy and then leaves him for someone else, but with genders reversed?
No. What's happening is, he's getting over his emotional baggage and is becoming more comfortable with you and the relationship. His issues are fixed because he let them go. Now your issues are front and center because you still need to work on yourself.

>>17566396
>What am I supposed to do when we're apart? Not talk to him?
Talk to him, sure. But don't text him with random small talk all day--no one cares about meaningless conversation, and if it happens enough for it to be a problem, he's not going to want to talk to you very often. Getting small talk from people when I'm trying to focus on studying or working is tedious.

>Is it wrong to want not real life conversation?
It's not wrong, but it's not for everyone. Some people genuinely hate texting unless it's for emergencies. And if you're only relying on him for socialization, when he doesn't enjoy texting, that's going to be the end of you two. It's putting way too much pressure on him to make you happy when he's already sorted himself out. Now it's on you to do the same.

It can be hard to make friends. Aside from my husband and a handful of coworkers, I don't really socialize. But it works for me because I'm a bit of a loner with uncommon interests and I have incredibly high standards. I don't mind being alone. You need to learn how to be comfortable by yourself until you're able to make friends. Find something you're passionate about and join different groups. If you can't muster up the courage to do things in real life, focus on online groups.

In my opinion OP, I honestly think you need to try and make some friends, or get a hobby or something. Something that you can do and will take your attention and not have you thinking about texting him all day.

>>17566456
>What's happening is, he's getting over his emotional baggage and is becoming more comfortable with you and the relationship. His issues are fixed because he let them go. Now your issues are front and center because you still need to work on yourself.
I thought maybe this is the case. It makes sense. Admitting that I have my own issues aside from a lack of contact with him takes a lot of maturity and effort, and I guess I have been putting it off. I'll seek therapy, or at least greater appreciation for my hobbies and the things I do when alone.

>>17566474
You sound really lonely, and it makes me kind of sad.

I know that not everyone even has a thing that they do when they're alone - some people just surround themselves with people constantly (even if online, social media and all that y'know?).

I think one or two really good friends would do a world of good for you.

But I know that's easier said than done. I've been in a new city (a new country too, actually) for just over a year now, and I didn't make a single friend until 2 or 3 months ago, when Pokemon Go came out. I made a friend that I go for walks with to catch Pokemon, and a month or 2 after that I made another friend from a meetup group (www.meetup.com) for young adults w/ social anxiety and depression, and she's great, too.

Good luck OP, I hope you feel better soon. I love you : )

>>17566491
Aww *happy tears*. Thank you, anon. I am lonely. It's hard to learn that only one person can't cure all of it, and that that's okay and expected. I'll try to make some friends.

>>17566304
That's cute. Can I be your BF, OP?

Jokes aside, you really do need to make friends. If you want something safe, I actually recommending adding people from /soc/, at least the okay ones.

>>17566304

This doesn't sound like a particularly healthy relationship. Everyone is annoyed with their SO on occasion, but finding a lot of their habits/characteristics annoying isn't normal. It sounds like you're bending over backwards to please him, because you're lonely and insecure. You should work on your self-esteem and realise that you can make whatever sounds you fucking like and if it bothers him, it's his problem, not yours. Maybe try to start a hobby that can make you feel good about yourself and where you can meet people who accept you as you are. It might make you less dependent on your bf and his approval.

>>17566751
No one in my life has yet accepted me fully for who I am. There are flaws that people simply certain people cannot tolerate. I don't think anyone can perfectly accept me - though I will search. I'll try to meet new people to increase self-confidence, which would also help my relationship.

>>17566304
It seems you're doing an awful lot to do good for him, but what are you doing to do good for yourself?

>>17566359
you remind me of my ex-gf. she had basically no personality, "what do you want to do?" "idk..." that was what eventually made us break up, she was tiring.

>>17566927
I have my own personality, but I do want to shape myself to be the perfect girlfriend. I guess I'll just try to do this subtly without it being obvious or annoying. Not sure if that's possible.

>>17566927. (not op) i have this problem with my bf. we never think of anything to do and I feel like it bores him, but what am I supposed to say when he asks??

>>17568809
OP here. I actually don't have a problem with this. I'm always worried that this will happen; thankfully, it doesn't. When we're in person, my boyfriend and I do things like paint, video games, watch things, cook food, play table top games. Try to take up some of his hobbies and recommend yours to him; if you don't have any, you can take the advice of all of the posters here on how to find your own hobbies, which you can then introduce to him.

I hope this isn't bad advice - since I have so many of my own problems, I'm not even sure. But my boyfriend and I are never bored around one another.