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in desperate need of advice on how to handle ex-gf

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So, I was with this girl for about 10 months..We professed our love for each other on the third date, and soon after had unconditional love for each other: We discussed baby names, we planned out where our kids would go to school, well our wedding would be..We said we loved each other every day, and we were the most loving couple out of my friend circle.....We moved in with each other after the first three months of knowing each other, too.


However last month, she called it off, saying she needs a 'break', for the following reasons:

>I was doing things that I wasn't aware I was doing that were pissing her off

>She was too insecure/shy to tell me that they were bothering her

>she had personal self esteem issues that were crippling her

>bills were racking up and became exceedingly difficult to handle

>college is about to start this month, neither of us knows how to balance it

We went from 0 to a 100 very fast in lifestyle, while also trying to understand how to handle a relationship for the first time.

A week after the break up, I went over to our old apartment (she's still there, I moved out), and came all dressed up in my suit, explaining to her what I did that was bugging her that I didn't catch at the time, and ensured her that it'll never happen again. I gave her a large bouquet of flowers, along with a hand written card, a letter, and a handmade memento...

After that, she told me she'll "call me when she's ready, and that she just needs space"...However I owe her $2,000 dollars (she never brought this up to me ever, but I still owe it to her), by the end of this month I'll have it ready, but how do I give it to her if she doesn't want me to talk to her? I know she'll love this surprise, plus I'm going to include lyrics of a song I wrote about us in with it.

I sent her two emails a week ago - journal updates if you will - explaining to her how hard it is not talking to her, but also how I'm improving myself etc.

So, how do I give her the $2,000?
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what did you do?
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>>17564076
I never learned how to cook, I never got a part time job while in college, amongst other things.

Basically dude, it was stuff that I didn't even catch because my mind was so 100% focused on college, that I lost track of the present.

And I thoroughly explained all that a week after our break up, when I came over and explained it to her. I felt that we had a really special connection, and she understood.

So I've been improving myself a lot since then - modified my class schedule to 'part time student' status with a part time job, learning to cook, and really learning to slow down and not get caught up in the future and shit.

Me surprising her with this past $2,000 that I owe her (plus the lyrics to a song I wrote about her) would really, really show her that I changed. I mean, she never even brought it up and doesn't expect me to give it to her
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When you have it ready, send her a message that just reads, "I have the money I owe you. Let me know when and how you'd like me to get it to you." or something along those lines. Keep it short and to the point.
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>>17564082
But holy shit, let me tell you that suddenly breaking up with you because she wanted you to learn how to cook & have a part-time job without ever first telling you this is super-fucked-up.

If the two of your do get back together, she's going to need to learn how to communicate, because this shit is untenable.
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>She was too insecure/shy to tell me that they were bothering her
I'm sorry to tell you this, but she is keeping you at a distance because she is too scared to completely dump you.
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>>17564088
yeah I know. Well you know, it was other little things that I was doing too and shit, but yeah those were big ones.

And yeah, months ago she told me that she had a terrible time in communicating what's on her mind..Which is one of the pillars of a long-term relationship; communication.

And yeah, she told me it's a 50/50 reason as to why we got in this mess, so that's good
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>>17564090
nah, because she hugged me tight and drenched my shirt in her tears for like 30 minutes the day I left. She cried in a way I've never seen anybody past the age 10 cry.

Plus, she wouldn't let me come over and explain myself a week later after the break up, if she did truly want away from me the whole time.

I sure as hell wouldn't let a chick who I want gone back to my place to talk to me a week later after I break up with her, lol.
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it sounds like you two have been comparably close and intense as me and my bf. damn, even picturing what you´re going trough right now is torture.

however, she seems not ready for a realtionship. bf and i once were at a similar point. communication is my biggest downfall too. but i loved him so much i got my shit together and am still working on it every opportinity i get.
the reasons you listed seem like bullshit excuses to me. seems like she´s just not ready. i´m so sorry, OP...
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Best thing to do OP, is absolutely nothing. Let things sort things out by themselves, just work your job and go to college, leave your gf be. enjoy your alone time.
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>>17564103
Yeah I know.

She's 21, by the way. So she went through a lot at 21 right away and it felt like she just kind of collapsed.

I just hope we get back together when she's ready. What kills me is the uncertainty - will she find another guy by the time she's ready? If so, will she realize that he's a douchebag and miss me, or will he have the traits that I didn't have?

FUCK it kills me, I love her more than anything I can comprehend
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>>17564108
i feel like there´s some greater reason she did this. is she depressed? hugely insecure? has skeletons in her closet?
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i guess the problem was that you two were living together and seeing each other too often. when you live together its so easy things to become predictable and stale if you two are really dependent on each other.
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>>17564082
>And I thoroughly explained all that a week after our break up, when I came over and explained it to her.

>Hey let me explain how you feel

I would dump you as well OP (no homo)
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>>17564111
Yeah she did tell me that it was a 50/50 deal here, so it wasn't just me.

On her end, she said that there's these things that's internally scaring her and bugging her that she needs to work out.

I do know that something happened when she was a teenager that she's never told anybody about. I still don't know what it is, as she never told me what it was.

Besides that, maybe other insecurities too.

Those, combined with the whirlwind of working two jobs while trying to figure out how to prepare for college and maintain a relationship all at age 21 I think is what set her over.


What's reassuring is that the last time I contacted her after we broke up, she discussed that she abruptly called it off because she was scared that if it continued without anything getting fixed we'd just drift further and further away from each other - sounds logical, actually.

It's just on the other hand, she said that she can't guarantee she we'll get back together (I believe that's her way of saying she can't guarantee she'll work her life out, but she likely will), and that she'll call me when she's ready...the uncertainty is what drives me up the walls at times.
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>>17564114
Exactly.

And in my case, it inadvertently came off like I saw her as a second mom or something - her paying the bills, her cooking, me always feeling like we need to be together at all times, bla bla.

It was a combination of first relationship mistakes on my mind, plus me no catching what I was/wasn't doing because of college.

Thank god I at least thoroughly explained it all in person - all dressed up and looking sharp - a week after the break up.

I think the fact that she even let me come over like that shows that she still cares, which is nice
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>>17564120
>the uncertainty is what drives me up the walls at times.
i know... my bf basically went batshit in the short period i distanced myself (we never broke up though).

what kind of person is your gf in general?


also, some words of caution. that song you wrote sounds like overkill and might push her away. and also, giving her back that money might make it fel like you want a clean slate to move on. maybe proceed slowly there...
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>>17564120
Please stop rationalising the break up. You're only going to get more hurt.
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>>17564129
Also there's a good chance she's only being nice because you owe her money.
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>>17564127
She was very traditional and family oriented. Very sweet, caring, charitable, all of that. It's why I fell so fucking hard for her.

Here's the lyrics I wrote, it's about the first couple weeks we were together:

Hey pretty girl you lived far away/but you fulfilled my soul all the way
With your driving curiosity and my loving desire/We found ourselves searching for that bonfire
Late at night, excited and confused/We reclused to your driveway and let our passion infuse
Hoping I knew how to kiss just right/We embraced each other throughout the night


You walking out walk like a precious dove/Your second residence is where you secured my love
Holding hands and couldn’t stop kissing/You helped me see what I’ve always been missing
First time expressing my love in such a way/Your kindred spirit lit up my soul in the purest way


Feeling like the luckiest guy in the world/Your gracious patience let me into your world
To Forest Park we eagerly went, rolling and kissing in the dirt I knew you were heaven sent
Finishing the night by waiting for the band to play/Discussing our future and putting our love on display - in the most carefree way


Hey pretty girl I know you're far away/True love's a searchlight that'll guide your way...

~Riley
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Well OP its good you're being more independent. At the end of the day, the only person you can really rely on is yourself. Make sure you take very good care of yourself and put yourself first.
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>>17564132

you're better of getting a guitar and singing that to college babes around the campus. Don't give her that please, it will make things worse.
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>>17564132
you have posted this before, haven´t you?

it´s definitely cute. but i doubt that it will change her mind...

this one is on her. give her space but gently let her know that you´re not going anywhere (iow you´re not going to fuck another girl just because you´re free again and you still love her and want to be with her). let her know that you see that you aren´t perfect and that you don´t expect her to be perfect either. tell her that you want to work trough this as a team instead of opposites.
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>>17564142
Right, right.

But, how and when do I give her the $2,000/?

I want to hand her an envelope with that plus the lyrics inside, by either mailing it to her and better yet handing it to her..but I don't know how to approach her with it. realistically I don't even have it so there's that, I'll have it by the end of the month.

But yeah, last night I sent her the text about how I'm getting close to saving up for something that I've been meaning to give her a while now (the $2,000). Didn't receive any text back, so it sounds like she really wants this space....

The bright side is that she assured me that was no guy involved in the break up, plus she's not interested in seeing another guy, so there's that.

But yeah if she didn't respond to my update last night, how do I approach her with wanting to give her the gift?

A friend to text her, or...What? I can't just show up and creep her
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>>17564142

> but gently let her know that you´re not going anywhere

hell no OP f that, she'll take her precious time then lol. You need to move on OP.
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>>17564070
mate, it was a heartwarming story, then a heartbreaking one
but let me tell you the truth, you're just being a beta cuck

she wants space give it to her,
be a man and pay your debt to her,
basically she felt lost because you weren't acting like a man anymore
you're just catering to her like society tells you to, romance, flowers, poems, this is all bullshit and definitely not what she needs
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>>17564208

beautiful.
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>>17564208
Listen to this guy
Thread posts: 28
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