gf has cheated in the past

>Once a cheater always a cheater?

Yes. I am surprised you are asking this. A person who has not enough empathy to break up with the person but would rather cheat behind her partner's back is a scumbag. Yet here you are rationalizing why you should marry her.

Unbelievable.

>>17544564
This. It was good that she was honest about her past with you but that doesn't change it.

>>17544564
>>17544574

Yes, but I really love her and I don't think that she would cheat on me, but it is hard to believe 100% (obviously since she has cheated before).

Please keep in mind that the whole "considering marrying her" thing was before she mentioned the thing about cheating.

I don't know what to do. I enjoy her company so much, she is very good to me, she makes me happy, I make her happy, but this sticks in my craw, hence the thread.

Maybe I should talk to her about it? Ask her more about it? Idk.

>>17544551
>Fact of the matter is that I can't really get it out of my head that she cheated on somebody. Granted it's not me.


I think it's best if you break up now. For her sake, not yours, because obviously you suffer from mild paranoia and that's only going to spiral out of control every time something happens outside of your control.

Fact of the matter is human relationships evolve and change and unless there is something that binds people beyond a short term hormonal surge of attraction.

I tend to base my views on a person's personality and take past behaviour into account as a part of a bigger picture.

>Once a cheater always a cheater? Thoughts?
Nope, I disagree. Cheating is as much about circumstances as it is about the person.

I'd take the long view that if this girl is stable, intelligent, not into drugs, not into excessive alcohol or partying, and she's affectionate and generally committed to you then she sounds pretty good.

If she's flaky or a party animal then cheating is just a part of this and a red flag in the broader context of personality and behaviour.

>>17544551
past cheater here. I did it because I was being emotionally/financially abused and was trapped in the relationship, and was looking for a way out, hopefully someone to help me.

cheating was my last option, obviously COMMUNICATION is the first option. I communicated that if things didn't change I was out, tried breaking up several times, and he said "things aren't changing, and try to leave" and that was my way of doing so.

after a simple date I felt nothing but guilt, went home and puked and apologized. It was a horrible feeling and people who do this sort of thing repeatively or without communicating to their partner that they are losing interest or shit needs to change are fucked in the head.

>>17544551
I'm not sure I would be able to trust my boyfriend if he said that. Unless he was like 16 and hugely and genuinely remorseful (not just saying "yea it was wrong"), huge red flag.

>>17544606

Asking a cheater about her past cheating will get her angry and probably distant. She probably rationalizes why she did it and will say that you are "different" which is a load of crap. The guy she was with the first time was her love and look at how that turned out. You could be that guy eventually. Relationships could be good now and change in 5 years. Nothing is guaranteed.

This will eat you up for the remainder of the relationship and so it is better to end it now before you snap.

>>17544610
>I think it's best if you break up now. For her sake, not yours, because obviously you suffer from mild paranoia and that's only going to spiral out of control every time something happens outside of your control.

OK, while I appreciate your response, I think that this isn't really fair.

>I'd take the long view that if this girl is stable, intelligent, not into drugs, not into excessive alcohol or partying, and she's affectionate and generally committed to you then she sounds pretty good.

Exactly, that's the thing: she's all of the above. That's why I don't really want to let her go.

>>17544617
Right, I really might ask how old she was when she did it.

>>17544623
I agree with what you're saying in part, but I don't think she would be upset if I asked her more details about the situation.

Maybe I'll just sit down with her and speak my mind about the matter and see where the conversation goes.

OP again

It just seems like breaking up with her seems so severe... I've broken up with women before, it usually feels like the right thing to do, but here it doesn't... I really love her...

File: i took a calculated risk and i am bad at math.jpg (32KB, 430x290px) Image search: [Google]

32KB, 430x290px

>>17544551

She might love you and never romantically touch another men or you might go crazy from paranoia.

Maybe she was a different person when she cheated, maybe she is still the same.

I say wait a few months and see if the trust comes back. She nonchalantly opened up to you. That could mean something to her.

>>17544551
She'll leave you if someone better comes along. She wont cheat on you until she wants out of the relationship.

>>17544656
Thanks, this is really good advice. I know intuitively that we have a really deep relationship. We are divinely happy together and never fight. I really shouldn't act brashly here... I should take my time and have a nonchalant conversation about it on another day.

>>17544551
A person cheating once doesn't make them a 'cheater' just like smoking a cigarette once doesn't make you a smoker. Some people have to make that mistake first to know its not who they are. A cheater, to me, is someone who does it more than once, only stops and says sorry when they get caught. Someone who comes right out with it and, like your gf, acknowledges that there was no excuse, and it was wrong, who only did it once, wouldn't be considered 'a cheater' to me. She is a person who cheated one time.

>>17544667

So you are going to have these thoughts of her potentially cheating on you until the new year? You serious? Can't wait for the next thread about this.

>>17544667
Yeah, no rash judgements. Bring it up later if you feel insecure.

>>17544657
>She'll leave you if someone better comes along.
>You wouldn't

I mean, think about it.
You have a working relationship with a good-looking, likable person and someone else who is better shows up and offers you date.

You don't take that chance? See what they are like?

There is competition for a reason. Don't be blind and assume the person that loves you will always love you, and no one else in the world is better.

>>17544686
>You don't take that chance? See what they are like?

AHHHHHH

what the fuck man, this is so screwed up

the point of being in a relationship with somebody is that you love them enough to not think about other people that way

why do you have this temporary mindset? are you a whore?

>>17544645
Let it go man, and learn to trust. Trust her, and what she says, and most of all trust how you feel. Let it go. You're not going to get this as the consensus advice here, but really it is what you need to do. Don't become overly paranoid, we are all human.

>>17544684
Well here is the bottom line: I am going to talk to her about this, tell her that it raises doubts, get more details about what happened.

I am, however, not going to do this guns blazing on the off chance that I am working myself up unnecessarily here.

I'm simply going to wait a few days, cool off, and bring it up when the time is right.

>>17544704
The point of a relationship is to find the person that suits you and that you suit them.

Not to find a decent person, fall in love, and stick through all the problems because you committed after dating for 4 months.

If you find something better, why not go for it?

The end goal is marriage; why get married to someone that doesn't suit you as well as the next person? Dating people hopes weed out the ones that are bad, decent, and the one.

>>17544551
>Once a cheater always a cheater? Thoughts?

Not always, but often.

I cheated on a gf once. (We broke up sometime later.)

Old flame. Both of us unhappy in our separate relationships. Alcohol. --And one night of great sex.

But I wouldn't cheat again. It was extremely out of character for me, and I deeply regret that I did.

It is "normal" for human beings to cheat. Just like monkeys and birds do. It's pretty much how early hominids lived.

But, you should probably aim higher for your personal standards of conduct.

> I don't think that she would cheat on me, but it is hard to believe 100% (obviously since she has cheated before).

I've also been cheated on. (Before the events described above.)

Here's some advice: You can't go around thinking "I don't think she would cheat on me." That's such an abstract thing it barely means anything. I mean, you can't continually obsess about those thoughts.

Either she does. Or she doesn't. And if she does and you can't deal with that, end it.

And, if you don't know if she has BUT YOU DON'T TRUST HER, end it. Just do it. You will be infinitely happier for following this advice.

>>17544551

cheating is the natural state. not cheating takes discipline. it can be learned. people grow. its ok.

>>17544551
I would have asked how old she was when it happened and get some circumstances. If she did it out of boredom or something then yes it would be a red flag. But as much as cheating is the ultimate betrayal in a relationship and it does mean the relationship should end immediately, it doesn't make the cheater a bad person by default. It's a mistake that a LOT of people make, and people learn from their mistakes.

Talk with her again the next time you get a chance.

>>17544686
I have to disagree with this completely.

I knowna guy, 40+, he was talking about cheating etc, he was in a marriage for 10 years, in the same relationship with his wife for 15 years total.

Anyway, a couple years after first dating her married, he admitted he once got really drunk at a work party and made out with a girl once.

He told me he never went further, but that it eats at him, every. Single. Day.

To this day, he says that kissing her is a greater regret than any of his past failures, or missed opportunities.

Trust works like that.

It is wrong to go on a secret date with someone when ur in a commited relationship with someone (when you love them)

How fucking wrong it is. If you go on a simgle date behind ur bf/gf's back, imagine if you preferred the new guy, and are now dating them, and then they leave you even later for a better person.

Disgusting. A true failure of trust.

>>17544786
>t. cheating whore

>>17544551
Be somewhat rational about this.
The reason why people don't date cheaters is that they're afraid they'll do it again, right?
So you need to find out
>Why she did it
It was to get out of the relationship, right?
Why she didn't talk about it? What was wrong in that relationship?
>What happened
Was it a one night thing? Was it a long term cheating with someone she was emotionally involved with? What happened?
>When she did it
Was she 16? Was it her last relatinship?
>How does she feel about it
Judge her accordingly.

I've cheated on and admitted it to my current gf. We went through hell and back but I eventually gained back her trust and we've never been happier. She as perfect as any human could get, and I fucked up. Bad. I realize what I risked in doing it, and I certainty learned my lesson. Cheating is about character, and if you have someone who can truly take you back, you see just how damaging it can be, and depending on how you regulate yourself, builds character. We are absolutely open with each other. We both have access to each other's shit. No stone left unturned. She'll even answer my messages when I receive them. I've never been so secure with myself in my whole life. Dunno where I'm going with this, but cheating either breaks it or makes it. You manage a complex but loving dynamic with another, you can definitely make it.

OP, The girl I was dating cheated in the past, and when we talked about it, she was saying about how it's horrible, and no one ever should do it and no one ever deserves it, and she's remoresful....

then she ended cheating on me,

Don't have much other advice than even when they say all the shit you want to hear, no one is incapable of cheating.

of course someone is going to say "i wouldn't cheat on you" so I would look at her actions and not her words

However, the first time doing something is usually the hardest, so now that she's already cheated before, I would say it'll be easier for her to do so in the future

I dated a guy who cheated in the past, he said he changed.


No, no he didn't.

>>17545746
Please, for the sake of others who might go through what you did. Tell us, everything. What you did to get her trust, what kind of people you both are that it worked out, why it might not be applicable for most other relationships etc. Tell me, please.

I need a greentext xd

>>17544551
My experience with a previous cheater. She was upfront towards the beginning of the relationship. Her previous boyfriend was who she cheated on. But not with me. I didn't let it bother me and eventually married her. Marriage lasted about 10 years. With the last 2, me barely fucking her. She gained some weight and became useless around the house, no job. She still didn't cheat on me. About a month before I left her she asked for an open relationship. Which is pretty much why I ended it.

In my experience women stay faithful even if things start going south unless your the beta of the relationship. If they feel like they are the shitty side of the relationship when things get bad, they aren't going to guilt themselves more by cheating on top of it.

>>17545825
Man thats a sad story, dont u think she wouldnt have lost weight or asked for an open relationship if you fucked her more and treated her better during the 10 years? Im not saying u didnt trest her decently at all, just saying maybe an extra effort would have gone a long way in your relationship.

Was it just as she grew older your love deteriorsted? Did children or the lack thereof have anything to do with it?

In a similar boat

>meet up with chick
>she's really fucking cool and shares my interests
>she tells me she cheated on her past 2 boyfriends
>scammed guys out of money
>"You're different though. I haven't felt this happy with anyone before."
>The day I ask to take things seriously (ie. make it official) she tells me she is still seeing her abusive boyfriend who says he'll kill himself if she left him
>"I don't want to take things seriously yet. I have to take care of some things"
>Fast forward to today
>Not official, but we would still act like a couple
>She is still seeing the guy, and flirts with other dudes for the attention
>I snap and end it with her

I have never felt such conflicting emotions, but you have to realize that shit fucks with anyone's trust. Initially, it fucked with me but I tried to move past it. It only ended up bothering me more as emotions became more intense, so I broke it off.

It's good that she told you she cheated before, but does she expect you to just sweep that shit under the rug? If you can ignore it, bless your damned heart but I couldn't, and I imagine a lot of other guys can't either.

>>17545838
Yea we couldn't have children because of her health but honestly that wasn't a main issue for me. Just a small side issue.
She was terrible with money no matter how much I made and she didn't want to put any effort in where it mattered. We even went to a councilor at her request when I first mentioned divorce. And the councilor got on her about it too. So that didn't last long.
Shes a good girl but not for me.

>>17544551
People change OP. Sounds like she honestly regrets doing it too. I'd say let it go and be happy with her

Don't necessarily leave her!
I have been the worst kind of cheater until meeting my current bf, who I'll get married to (we've been together 3 years and we recently got engaged)
I used to do the most stupid things when I was in relationships where the guys had low sex drives, or we weren't compatible for whatever reason. I'd just date a guy and have another one on the side, someone even with the same name so I wouldn't confuse them. I know, I was very stupid and immature.
But yes, as above said, discipline can be learned. In the past 3 years I have had both lovers from the past and people I'd just met make me all sorts of offers, and I denied every single one of them without looking back.
So it is possible, trust me. People mature and change and once you find the one you will know. I hope she is the one for you! And don't dwell too much on the past.

>>17544707
>Trust her, and what she says, and most of all trust how you feel.
This will tell you precisely nothing about the likelihood of her cheating again, but as long as it calms your feelings then I suppose it's fine.

>>17544551
everyone's gotta make mistakes to learn. once a cheater always a cheater is just your fears. maybe your mistake that you have to learn from is to fuck up with her, be too afraid, lose the chance and regret it later. its not the things you do that you regret, it's the things that you don't do, or stop doing. if the relationshit's fine, stop being a dickhead, she didn't cheat on you, and stop judging her from your high trone, you aren't any better for questioning her right now. gl

>>17546037
lmao

>>17546019
>I'd just date a guy and have another one on the side, someone even with the same name so I wouldn't confuse them

Don't call it being immature, just call it what you really are: a slut. Nice try though

>>17544551
Put some spyware in her phone, you will know if she is up to something right away.

>>17546041
y lmao?

>>17546046
That was the sort of comment a cheater would make. Brushing OP's concerns aside with empty platitudes, insulting him and then stating he's no better simply because he's dubious about dating a known cheater. lmao

>>17544551
You are going to be a cuck if you continue this.

>>17544551
Not "once a cheater always a cheater". I cheated on my wife a few times, I still loved her, just didn't respect her is all. We had our problems and I really didn't think we'd be together in our 70's so I pulled the bandaid off and divorced her. We are still friends. Never told her about the cheating because that would only hurt her.

In my two relationships since then, I have not cheated. One was a year long, the other was 9 months long. Even if I am sexually attracted to other females, I (and anyone) can consciously refuse to pursue other people while in a committed relationship if they so choose.

Not that it matters but the reason I didn't respect my wife is because she told literally everyone we knew about me being sexually molested as a child. Literally everyone. Had to get all new friends after that. Couldn't stand being around her family because she told all of them too. Also, I caught her still talking to a guy who told her he wants to go out with her and she should dump me - even though we both agreed they would no longer talk after he said this.

>>17546066
>Not that it matters but the reason I didn't respect my wife is because she told literally everyone we knew about me being sexually molested as a child. Literally everyone. Had to get all new friends after that. Couldn't stand being around her family because she told all of them too.
A decent reason desu.

>>17546056
I'm not a cheater...
see ur problem man, is you're judgemental. you think you know more than you do. about op's girl, about me, and who knows about how many more people.

it's a vicious cycle, that I really don't expect you to understand, but I'll break it down to you, without any expectations:
people make mistakes, these mistakes affect others and themselves but ometimes only themselves. Mistakes are actually a great tool to learn how to be a great person. The best people you've met in your life, if you've met any at all, have made tons of mistakes in their lives and they learned from them. Everyone makes mistakes, you included, if you haven't made any at all in your life (if you think so its just very likely you just didn't realize that you have) you will in the future and that's a certainty.
Once you make a mistake, you can either lie and keep doing it, or accept the error and correct it. you can be a part of the problem, or a part of the solution... when you judge other people, you expect to be judged! say you make a mistake one day, and it's a big fucking mistake, a really REALLY fucked up thing, that you didn't even expect you'd be capable of, or maybe it's not even your fault, it just happened but now the guilt's in your hands, well you'll be shitting your pants at every turn, you think it'll never happen to you and all that self righteous bullshit, but when it does, you'll be so afraid that you'll hide it, you'll pretend it wasn't a mistake, do anything to avoid other people's judgement... and be a part of the problem. you my friend, are the most likely cheater here. if you cheated on your wife, or girlfriend, you're the kind of fella who'd probably justify himself and carry on doing it, saying some shit like "I'm just looking for something that she can't offer" or some other excuse. me on the other hand? I take responsability of everything I do, and I expect that out of everyone I know, so op, wait, and if she cheats, leave her.

>>17546081
ah, and don't be a dick whilst you wait, you don't have a fucking magic ball to predict the future, you have no idea whether or not she'll do it.

you said it's the best relationshit of your life right? keep it like that you motherfucking idiot.

>>17546081
>you're judgemental
Everybody is judgemental.
>Mistakes are actually a great tool to learn how to be a great person.
And many people don't learn from them or change as a result.

The rest of your post is rambling nonsense that also makes a lot of judgements about me, based on a two posts.

>>17546098
>I really don't expect you to understand
>yup.
you got another set of problems man, but I'd say your biggest problem is your arrogance. done talkin, gl 4 real thread dead

>gf has cheated in the past
She's cheating on you.

>>17544667
You don't really fight?
mm are you his pet or something?

Let me ask you this, how much did you have to wait for her to accept your advances? Did she just let you kiss you for the first months and nothing else?

Then the only reason she is with you is because she wants to play it safe.
I would drop her pal, unless you want to see her banging other dudes in the next year when she feels sexually unsatisfied with you.

>>17544606
>Yes, but I really love her and I don't think that she would cheat on me
Seriously, does anyone actually expect their partner to cheat on them?

Your girlfriend told the chump she was with before "no i wouldn't cheat on you" just like she said to you rofl. she'll obviously do it again and stupidly admitted to doing it, she's p much saying im going to cheat.

>>17546019
HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

>>17546081
Only stupid people need to make mistakes themselves to learn what it's obvious to everyone else.
Cheating is wrong, no matter the reasons.

>>17546463

This. You can't be sure if she'd cheat on you, but you can bet your ass she said the same to her ex she did cheat on. No one admits she'd cheat on her partner, someone else before you has heard the same words from the same person.

Whether you trust her is your choice. I'm not sure what I'd do, but I doubt I'd throw away a good relationship just because she admittedly cheated once before.
You handled it well by telling her that it's over once she does, imo.

>>17545780
same happened to me with two different women. Same fucking words and yet when the opportunity presented itself they went for it. If they justify it once in their mind they easily will again

>>17546019
>In the past 3 years I have had both lovers from the past and people I'd just met make me all sorts of offers
Why do you even put yourself in a position to be tempted like this? These guys didn't just blow in and ask to fuck you. You were talking to them, perhaps hanging out with them without your bf and they felt comfortable enough to make a pitch.

All girls are different but I think that she cheated because she didn't like the guy anymore and didn't want to break it off. If you've already been with her 5 years and she still likes you I'd say you are in the clear and that was an isolated incident. She didn't cheat because she thinks it's okay. She cheated because in her mind they were already broken up. If you keep her happy and work through yalls inevitable issues I think you're good. But if you let your relationship go stale or you start feeling like she is being emotionally distant and less affectionate I would definitely get suspicious. I guess the question is do you think you can keep her happy forever or when the times get tough will you let her drift away from you.

>>17546459
I do tbqh

>>17546019
>I'd just date a guy and have another one on the side, someone even with the same name so I wouldn't confuse them. I know, I was very stupid and immature.

No, not "stupid and immature"... pure fucking evil.

Top kek, I hope that this is a troll.

Heh. Typical /adv/

Maybe you shouldnt judge so harshly. People make mistakes, but people can learn and change. She even admitted it was wrong and that her rationalizations didnt have any merit. Dont be a child, have some empathy. Youve fucked up before and betrayed someones trust, admit it. Everyone has. We're not saints, grow up

>>17547034
/thread. Just as you learn and grow through your mistakes, so does everyone else. Some people grow in the wrong direction, but if you believe yourself capable of regret and change, you have to believe that of everyone else.

>>17544551
When it comes to things like this you can't come to /adv/ for help it's up to you to figure out if you want to deal or not. There's no right answer to these types of situations

I wouldn't blame you if you broke it off. Why deal with a wonderful girl who's cheated in the past when you know you can get a girl just as wonderful (or better) who hasn't cheated?

Then again why break it off if you think she's changed, especially if she's a perfect fit for you otherwise? People change, for better or worse. No one stays the same throughout their lives.

You can never know how things turn out. No matter how much thinking, how much persuasion, how much planning... The future is out of your control, but on the bright side you are in control of the way you act.

You'll be all right no matter what. Internalize that and make your move.

>>17544551

Well, she's different from a LOT of cheaters, in that she'll not only admit what she did, but she'll admit personal responsibility, she really knows that she did something wrong.

There's a certain type of person that's a serial cheater, I find that these people will never really admit personal fault, they always seem to feel they DESERVE something better.

Your girlfriend obviously isn't like that. So maybe she really learned and grew from that bad relationship. I wouldn't listen to these fags telling you "once a cheater, always a cheater," because well it CAN be true, generalizations always have exceptions. Trust your gut.

>>17544610
>I'd take the long view that if this girl is stable, intelligent, not into drugs, not into excessive alcohol or partying, and she's affectionate and generally committed to you then she sounds pretty good.

This is the most important thing on this thread

>>17544564
Yeah. To put it into perspective, I've went to pretty extreme lengths to break up with my ex's and let them know what's up rather than cheat on them. I DIN'T GIVE A FUG ABOUT NOBODY, but I still had enough respect for them and myself to not cheat.

>Broke up with one girl on her birthday 'cause I was tired of her shit and wanted something new.
>Broke up with a girl the day after she had a major car wreck because she was about to have a breakdown and one of my new coworkers was fine af
>Broke up with a girl I dated because she was starting a new semester in college and I wanted her to go do that trashy college "experimentation" shit without me having to worry about her

OP, listen to these.
>>17547061
>>17547078


She cheated, she says it was wrong, it's in the past, can't change that. Let it go.
She's with you, focus on that and make it worthwhile.

The only people telling you not to break up are women who have cheated before.

>>17547526
Break up over something that didn't even happen during their time and not even to him? WTF kind of bullshit reason is that?

>>17547538
>You raped a child before we met?
>Oh that's okay because I wasn't the child you raped!

>>17547541
nice strawman.

>>17547569
That's not a strawman. You created the logic, I worked around it. You said it's "bullshit" to break up with someone that didn't happen during their time together with you and that didn't happen to you. Those were your parameters. Not my fault they were retarded.

>>17547541
>You had sex with someone before me!
>Well, I can't date you now...

>>17544614
Protip: gather belongings walk away and do not return calls

You are now broken up.

M26 and (former) serial cheater here.

The psychology of cheating is interesting. Often, it's just a tiny part of a much larger picture of who you are as a person. Potential serial cheaters are identified by several character traits/flaws. You could say the cheating is just a symptom of a disease. So I'd be looking for red flags, such as vanity, talking behind people's backs, excessive partying, general history of lying, history of doing mean shit.

Let's take an example: If she likes to brag about some mean revenge she took in high schook for some trivial shit, that's a red flag on its own, but it also illustrates a lack of empathy that could make a person more likely to cheat.

Alternatively, is she guilable and naive? Not all cheaters are mean spirited.

As I drank less, went less out and simply matured and reflected upon the heartbreak I imposed on my ex, I simply decided to never fuck up like that again, and I have never felt the urge to cheat again. I am disgusted with my past and confronted it.

Currently in a relationship of 4 years and I don't think I will ever cheat on her. I can't know for sure, but I feel I have grown since then and find it unlikely to happen again.

>>17544551
>once a cheater always a cheater
It can be a good rule of thumb but honestly there are extenuating circumstances out there. If it's only happened once it's not necessarily indicative of a pattern.

I cheated once and it was fucking horrible but it was because I was young and too beta/autistic to say no so I dated two girls I didn't want to be with at the same time. I would never betray someone I love like that and I have zero tolerance for infidelity, but if I'm being honest I have to say I've cheated.

I've also been cheated on (found out through a fucking STD) and then I've been with people who cheated in the past but were 100% faithful. It's a mixed bag. The one thing I will say is you can usually tell by someone's attitude. In my experience people who think life is an episode of Sex and The City and they're just entitled to satisfaction from others, who think people "deserve it" when they're cheated on, who have used sex to manipulate people, are generally the ones who are unfaithful. Or people who are desperate for attention, and you can usually spot them because they'll be REALLY CLINGY with you. There are also cases where you can push someone so far with extreme neglect that they turn into one of those categories.

Tl;dr I think there are better indicators than having cheated once.

>>17544551
>Once a cheater always a cheater?
Why the fuck does no one every understand this idiom?

It's saying that once you've cheated you are forever labeled as a "cheater." You can't undo it.

It doesn't meant you'll definitely ever do it again or are somehow more "prone" to cheat that the average person.

>>17548003
>It doesn't meant you'll definitely ever do it again or are somehow more "prone" to cheat that the average person.
She is more prone to cheat. It is just a natural thing. There are people that have tendency to cheat just like people have tendency to be violent or to lie or to sell your stuff to buy drugs. What you did once can be done twice more easily than someone else that never did it could do, only a fool would think otherwise. Only children learn, after you are an adult you won't change your way.

>>17548074
>hat you did once can be done twice more easily than someone else that never did it could do, only a fool would think otherwise

Actually only a fool would think this because it conveniently ignores the fact that cheaters were people who, at one point, had never cheated before. So, how do you account for that? If you thought about it for even a split second you'd realize how retarded you sound right now.

>>17548090
You brain is pea sized so let me explain my point again:

Ex-drug abusers are more prone to use drugs again than people that never used because of dependency.
Ex-car crashers are more prone to crash their car again than people that never crashed their cars before due to dangerous driving habits.
Ex-cheaters are more prone to cheat again than people that never cheated because they are unable to control themselves and no amount of thinking and feeling sorry could ever fix it. People don't change their habits. His gf cheated once and if the same situation comes again she will do it again more easily than another girl that never cheated once.

You lack life knowledge. People don't change their ways. It might take 10 years to meet him again but an asshole is an asshole even 10 years later. Been there, saw that.

>>17548108
>>17548108
>Ex-cheaters are more prone to cheat again
[citation needed]

>she will do it again more easily
[citation needed]
also define "easily" in this context

if you're going to pretend to be smart you need to do a way better job.

But let me break it down for you since you seem to desperately need it:
People who cheat were ALWAYS going to cheat given the right circumstances. That's why the circumstances matter, not if they have cheated or not in the past. All that indicates is if they have previously encountered those circumstances before. People have different threshholds and reasons for cheating. For example take 2 people:

a) cheated because they felt trapped in an abusive relationship and didn't see a way out, even so, felt guilty and remorseful afterwards and confessed

b) cheated even though they were happy with their current relationship but a hot piece of ass happened to come on to them and they didn't want to pass up the opportunity. doesn't feel bad about and feels like it's no harm no foul if their partner never finds out

Now don't embarrass yourself by trying to argue that these 2 people are just as likely to cheat again in their next relationship as the other.

I don't lack life knowledge but you lack basic critical thinking skills. Keep parroting your platitudes and idioms though you'll go far I'm sure.

>>17548142
i think this guy is onto something. it pretty much only matters if they feel bad about it. if they seem like they dont give a fuck theres no way it wont happen again but if it eats at them you should be ok

however, as /r9k/ as it might sound i think most girls would fall into the not giving a fuck camp. i hope to god im wrong

COMMENT FOR OP COMMENT FOR OP COMMENT FOR OP COMMENT FOR OP

The act of cheating is not so bad. What's bad is the damage it does to the partner, and how deceitful it is.

One example, I could be ready to dump my girlfriend and have sex with a girl a week or two before doing so. That's not so bad.

Now, someone who agrees to be in a monogamous sexual relationship for the sake of having more security (because they love their partner so much) and then fucks a bunch of people on the side and hide is fucked up.

Then you can look at their attitude and intentions while they were cheating. What were they thinking? "I'm going to cheat on this bastard. I'll show him." "This person I'm cheating with is going to pay me for sex, so..." "I just don't want to control myself. What they don't know won't hurt them."

So many variables. It's not that simple.

branch swingers (which is what it sounds like your gf was) can be defeated by eliminating her desire to break up with you - even assuming she's not more mature now in the first place.

cheating you gotta watch out for is the impulsive, hide it, pretend to love you while you support them type

really - it's the motivation behind the cheating that would determine what you should do here. From what you've said, she's probably not likely to cheat again.

>>17544610
>I think it's best if you break up now. For her sake, not yours, because obviously you suffer from mild paranoia and that's only going to spiral out of control every time something happens outside of your control.
Nice projection

>>17548142
I am not that poster btw

the issue is that someone who will cheat is likely to have the possibility to cheat. The fact that they could justify to themselves well enough to cheat once means that their mind functions in a way where they can bring themselves to cheat.

It does require circumstances however not everyone will cheat under those circumstances and most people just won't cheat at all under any. The fact that someone cheated under a circumstances means that they have the potential to cheat at all v. someone who hasn't cheated under any circumstances. If someone who would cheat does not encounter circumstances that would cause them to cheat they will not cheat however they still have the potential. In my honest opinion OP should just make it clear that he will break up if she cheats and then let it be for the most part. If she cheats she cheats and it would be very difficult for him to prevent it if she would cheat however we do not know at this point in time if she will ever cheat on him.

>>17548181
>the act of cheating is not so bad
into the trash it goes

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Hey guys, OP here. Wanna say that it was a good thread and I appreciate your advice along with the interesting debates about cheating.

Last night after I posted this thread, I decided that I would call her and speak my mind. It was not an unpleasant conversation, but the topic morphed from her past unfaithfulness into me trying to control her. Overall, we are two very nice people so we didn't let things devolve into an actual fight.

I woke up today knowing that my relationship with her was over. I texted her saying that we should meet up at some point today... she didn't respond until 6:00 PM, which was ample time for me to turn things over in my head.

I just got back from her place. We broke up. I guess you could say that I broke up with her, but I was under the impression that it was quite mutual. We went into it with a desire to talk about things, but both of us knew that our conversation last night was the killing blow to our relationship. I brought all of the stuff she had left at my place along, she went inside and got my stuff after we finished talking. We kissed, said our goodbyes, wished eachother well.

It's over.

stayfags BTFO etc.

>>17548394
What about all the stuff you said about her being a good partner otherwise a wonderful gf and loving her and her loving you and shit

>>17548394
You brought her things when you wanted over to talk with her again?
What?

>>17548394
Congrats op.
I wish you luck next time.

>>17548708
During our conversation tonight, I asked her if she loved me. She hesitated.

>>17548837
Thank you.

>>17548894
Then how did you come to this conclusion:
>I could see myself marrying her

I guess the separation is for the best, with both of you having different opinions about the relationship without each of you knowing that before.

>>17548911
Well basically my view of her was build off an idealization when in fact she told me that she was not actually as good of a person as I idealized her to be. i didn't investigate the details of this because I simply believed the words she was saying.

It is not a separation, it is a breakup.