I don't even know where to begin.
I'm a college freshman. It's a pretty big school, and I come from a pretty small city. I'm surrounded by opportunity, and for some reason I couldn't care less.
Everyone is making friends so easily. I'm surrounded by lean, pretty girls who are taking boys to their rooms and I can't even manage to make a friend. I don't have a lot of experiences I can relate to other people with, and I'm ridiculously awkward. I honestly feel like most people are disgusted by me.
I can't stop eating. I'm going through three packs of gum a day to curb my appetite, and nothing is working. I'm not at all overweight, but it seems like I'm on the verge of it. I can't focus on studying. Nothing feels real anymore. I can't connect to anyone without feeling like a nuisance.
I keep spending my time reading through old messages from friends who don't even talk to me anymore. I'm so stuck in the past. Nothing that used to make me happy brings any feeling anymore. I always feel tired and empty.
School has just begun, and I'm already tempted to skip classes and sleep in all the time. No friends to hang out with, no clubs I'm interested in. I'm scared of venting anywhere else because I have a friend who likes to track people down and record what they're doing online.
I'm starting to wonder if this was just a waste.
Part of what you're feeling is pretty normal. University is a huge change and it's super easy to look to the past and remember how much you enjoyed yourself towards the end of high school (at least, that's what I experience).
Usually your type of cynicism comes a bit later on though (late second year).
I highly recommend seeing a counselor/psychiatrist, your uni will have one that you should be able to see for free as part of your student services (that's how it is in Australia at least). Pretty much just say to them what you've said here and they'll give you some suggestions; they wont medicate you for what you're feeling so don't worry about being labelled mentally unwell!.
Also, most people are excited to make friends in first year, talk to people who don't seem to have many friends around them in your lectures/practicals etc, you'll be surprised by how friendly they will be.
>>17540987
and to expand on this a little, it does get a bit harder to make friends outside of pracs/tutorials after a couple of months since lots of people have already buddied of into groups.
At no point is it impossible, it's just good to get in early.
>>17540140
there are other kids like you at school, shy kids who didnt make fast friends. find those other kids. they are waiting for someone like you to find them. see some rando who is always eating alone? they need you as much as you need them.
welcome week friends are bullshit and all of the people sleeping together will deeply regret it by october
slow and steady wins the race my man
>>17541131
>all the people sleeping together will deeply regret it
lol, no