Few months ago I met some girl online, she was in a different

But the reason I'm writing to you guys today is because I royally fucked it up. After browsing this site for a while I have a bit of a fucked up mentality with regard to "alpha/beta" and shit like that, plus I'm generally a very insecure person. I started treating her like shit more and more, ignoring her and acting distant a lot of the time, etc etc, really making her feel like shit. Well one day I went way too far and suddenly this was the straw that broke the camel's back. She removed all contact from me, I sent loads of fucking cringy long emails, she replied back a couple of times, one of them saying that she'll think about coming back, didn't hear back from her for a month, I send lots more bullshit, and finally she writes back with a letter that's pretty final and basically removes any possibility of her wanting to be in contact again.

Now I fucked it up back in June, and this final letter of hers was last month. I cannot get her out of my head, whatever I do, I think of her. Whatever the fuck I come across, I will somehow be reminded of her. Don't even get me started on how I feel when I see something from her country. Really fucks me up. I feel like I will never find anyone like her again, and that I would've had the opportunity for a lifelong relationship, meeting and marrying her one day, and then I fucked it up. It's eating me inside and I don't know how to stop having these thoughts. I don't know how to cope with it. I genuinely feel like I'd never find someone like her again. Someone who is clingy and attached and wanting of my attention. Then I try to rationalize and thining about how she would have eventually found someone there, she never really found me attractive, etc etc, but I cannot stop thinking about it and feeling regret.

>>17538354
Well, she was clearly into you, but didn't want to have an online relationship because of how hard they are. You end up making yourself vulnerable with next to nothing in return. She was certainly open to the idea if you were serious and had plans to move. No mixed signal there, OP.

>>17538356
That really sucks, for her. I was in this situation before but I was in her shoes. I deeply cared for the person and wanted to be with him until he let his insecurity overtake everything. That opened my eyes to the person he really was and I stood up for myself by calling him out on his actions. Then I blocked him on everything.

Biggest beta fag I ever seen.....jesus christ. Snip off your dick and become a chick you fag. Never cringed more in my life.

>>17538382
Alright, I'm beta

But what the fuck am I to do? I can't switch off these beta bullshit feelings I'm having, and it's killing me

>>17538464

Write her one last letter apologizing for acting like the fag that you are and that you will move on from this. Anything and everything you have have done to this poor chick must be in the letter and then send it. Thats it.

Once you send that letter you need to move on. Take a jog, a cold shower and then meditate to calm your mind. Worked for me after I broke up with my girl.

>>17538477
I've apologized as much as I can already, so there's no need for that now

In that case I'm left with moving on, but as much as I try I constantly feel like I missed the opportunity of a lifetime and that I'll be regretting it every day forever, it's not as mentally crushing as it was a few weeks ago but thoughts about her keep coming into my head

>>17538485

No you apologized in ranting drivel. Nail this wth one final letter and call it a relationship.

>In that case I'm left with moving on, but as much as I try I constantly feel like I missed the opportunity of a lifetime

Cut the fucking crap. The girl was nice and.....what? You seem to think because she was nice that she is an angel. FYI girls act like that online all the time but it is only when you meet them face to face do you see their true personality. You have this idealistic image of her without really knowing her.

Frame your mind that you will meet someone as good as her if not better because you are awesome. Learn from your mistakes and don't make it again. Also for the love of christ don't ever send multiple letters to a girl who rejected you....it is cringe worthy as fuck.

>>17538490
I'm capable of thinking rationally about it, like she probably would have found a boyfriend in real life eventually, she actually said to me once that she doesn't have a boyfriend because she's too busy with everything, I took that as the biggest slap in the face, like she wouldn't be telling that to me if she genuinely wanted a relationship with me

Remembering that makes me realize that she would have eventually found someone for real, because neither of us were in a position to meet for at least a few years yet

But then I get sad about the fact that I could have had many joyful months of talking to her even if it would have eventually petered out

Even if she got a boyfriend I could've still had a friend for life, we really got along well

And when I think about finding someone else, I feel like I'll just be comparing them to her and no one will be as attached and affectionate as her