How YOU grew after a breakup

I used to get real depressed/nervous/panic attack/anxious/suicidal mode when ever I had the slightest idea my girl was going to leave me. This was a fucking pattern for my entire life and I used to cut myself.

At one point (around 23 or so) I told myself fuck it. I'm going to change and I came up with a concept to help me change my attitude at these thoughts. I would choose to get MAD instead of all the prior mentioned things. I would rationalize in my brain that the girl was a (bad for me). when I say "bad for me", I mean I used to think all the meanest fucked up shit I could to blame her for the shit in the relationship. It helped because It brought me up to a level where I was OK with her leaving me instead of thinking if she leaves I was missing something I wouldn't be able to live with.

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>>17534412
I still haven't recovered from mine. I have gotten better by just working on homework and relaxing with friends.

>>17534412
i'm more self conscious, less impulsive and probably a bit more though skinned emotinally wise.
but now i smoke 40 cigs a day and drink like 10 times more than before because i feel so dead inside.
not worth it

>>17534412
Hit the gym for a few months, finished my masters thesis, learned a number of good lessons about relationships in general.

At the end of the day, it was easily one of the most important experiences in the last 10 years or so.

>>17534412
I ate and slept a lot and last time I measured it's one inch longer and 0.75 inches thicker

OP here self bumping with my own.

Went from complete despair to optimism within 3 days, what started with being near panic mode about never experiencing many things with her again became realizing there was also a lot of bad stuff, such as me abandoning my friends and basically the personality that got me in the relationship to begin with.

Also realizing there are many women around me, who are better looking than my previous gf in some departments, made me realize I can now try and find a girl with big tits (always wanted one, gf was chestlet but wouldn't leave her over it). Might seem shallow but everything helps.

3 years if it matters.

Went through a break up 2 months ago. Thought it was the one. She wanted me to conform to her plans for the future or gtfo basically. Had enough pride to say no and that we needed to compromise. The guy she talked to as "a friend" while we were together ended up having feelings afterall (told her that thousands of times) she realized the place she wanted to move to was too expensive (like i told her a thousand times) and she told me i was right about needing time apart (as we used to spend every day together) and said her sense of identity and social life got alot better after the split. (I said the same so i understood) we talked in person and she had guys calling her. Said it was her mom. I asked her why she would have her mom as a guy name on her phone. She cried and so did i. I saw the relationship that we still cared so much about falling apart and i still knew that we had to end it. I have stopped smoking and got drunk fro the first week and a half. Slowed down a bit started doing my own thing and feeling great. Started up with old friends again, went out and did what i want, partying, and visiting my family. Went to parents house this weekend. Saw our couple photos on the wall. Became weak. Texted her. Shes dating like crazy and said she couldmt talk because she is going to drink at a party. Sink into depression again. I know one day i will forget about it

>>17534511
Same guy. Planning to buy a harley soon and live up the single life. Chasing my dreams to build cars and riding a bike give me hope. Gotta chase it

>>17534511
Realized there are alot of women better looking than my ex around me that want me but i cant think of anyone else. I used to tell her in a cute way that "i love you more" guess i was right. The only time in my life i dont like being right. This will all pass my friends.

>>17534511

Seems like you're near the end of the letting go process, you need to find yourself a girl mate, since you are jealous of her seeing other men, you need to see other women and realize you could get the exact same sense of fulfillment if a new woman loves you.

>>17534412
well it didn't have any immediate impact, but a couple of my breakups helped me realise what a shitheel I was being. it motivated me to change.

just remember that as long as you are playing the blame game, you will never learn anything, you will stay the same, and you will keep attracting the same shitty kinds of people. there's nothing wrong with being honest about who was responsible for what actions. but that goes both ways, you have to be honest about your part in it too. and not pointing fingers but going "ok this is what happened, and this led up to it, what changes can I make to myself to ensure that doesn't happen?"

>>17534524
I just feel like i need to be content with being alone before i do that. I dont want to find someone to unload my baggage on someone and realize i dont truly love them. I want just girl friends that are willing to hang out, go on dates, trips, have sex and that be it. I see so many men above my level who have the car they wanted, house, travel alot and are single and they either are attracting the prettyest girls or found an honest and caring bombshell and have settled down. I want to keep my friends closer

>>17534412
My breakup taught me that nobody would ever actually want to be with me, and to just give up. Some people are just not likeable and will ultimately die alone; you don't have to be happy with that fact, you just have to be complacent.

>>17534537
OP asked how you grew after a breakup, not how you gave up like a damn frenchman.

Just got dumped a week ago. Binge drinking and smoking all the time. She called me last night drunk to tell me that she slept with someone else and couldn't stop thinking about me. Oh, and she's on the other side of the US until December. Long distance ruined us, and I'm going to be fucked up about this forever.

>>17534537
"Tell me how you a breakup POSITIVELY affected who you are /adv/isors, what did it improve?"
You need to chin up man. If youre an ass hole then you probably havent met someone you love enough to change it. If its looks, i know some really ugly MFers who are just genuinely honest and loyal people that find good girls for themselves. Focus on improving your situation and it will step into your path eventually

>>17534541
>>17534543
That is an improvement. I no longer cling to any bit of misguided hope like an idiot.

Trying to help. Want to stay negative then dont complain about the outcome when its too late

>>17534546
if that were the case you wouldn't have worded it the way you did. you may not cling to hope but you sure are clinging to bitterness.

>>17534554
Cool beans

You negative motha fuckas better get out my thread or start noticing positive changes in your life, we're all gonna make it bros no woman is irreplaceable, at least in the next relationship you are wiser for it and can improve yourself.

It gives me immense hope that I can use this knowledge I have to tackle any future problems I see reoccurring.

>>17534554
Well, if you unfortunately find yourself in my situation when you're my age, we'll see how healthily you deal with it.

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>>17534412
I don't have a story but a simple advice.

You live your life to be happy. Not because she has to be jelly or any other bullshi- because it's the best revenge and it works best for you. Try to see the beauty around you and do things you like

it's sometimes that simple

>>17534604
This desu

>>17534456
>devaluing the other person instead of fixing my shit
You are stupid.

I was in an eight year relationship that was just toxic for both of us. Neither of us were good to each other. Every day I felt trapped and like I would never escape. We tried an open relationship, and that's when I realized I shouldn't be with someone that made me feel that way.

After we broke up my confidence went higher than it ever has been in my life. I became more social, and I stopped being afraid of being alone. Being alone is better than being with someone who makes you miserable.

The whole experience helped me approach relationships in a healthier way. I'm in an amazing one now. We never have any major arguments, any time we do argue we resolve it quickly and figure out why it happened so it doesn't happen again.

My shitty relationship made me an infinitely better person. I wasn't happy for a long time, but that's okay because I learned a lot and now my life is heading in an amazing direction.

>>17534412
Best thing that ever happened to me was being dumped by the girl of my (then) dreams.

Was 16 at the time, only lasted a few months. Became suicidal (teenage bs), drank a lot and was depressed. When I was 18 she got a new bf who she later got engaged to (and I hated everything about him).

Joined a gym to stack on muscle, started doing MMA out of spite, ate well and worked hard while being driven by my hatred of both of them.

Eventually I got a new gf through MMA, became close and we worked out our insecurities with eachother (by this point I had a lot of emotional baggage), I started and finished an engineering degree, got married, had a daughter (with another boy on the way), landed several jobs I've loved, hit a high paying job, bought a nice house and car and couldn't be much happier with life.

I really should thank her for it one day, I definitely wouldn't have come this far without her.

>>17534654
>>17534657
Good job to both. Independence is key to a healthy relationship. My last one we couldnt be apart and it killed our relatioship

>>17534670
It's definitely a lesson always learnt the hard way

none whatsoever
i started smoking heavily
heartbroken, no motivation for anything
coffeine addiction for last one

is this reddit?
you dont grow or improve for losing something you loved you stupid fake fucks
its like you bury a relative you loved, theres no growing there, you learn to accept it and thats it

>>17534673
Oh yeah. Shes jumping back into dating and im just being single and talking to people and partying and for some odd reason i feel like im better off. I could date. Have a ton of interested candidates around me but im just enjoying this.

>>17534676
t. someone who decided to waste his life away griping

>>17534676
There are lessons to be learnt in everything in life. I've buried several close family and friends, it tought me not to ever take my life for granted and to remember to treat people how you want to be remembered. No matter who you are, there will always be a last thing you ever say to someone so every time you talk to them make sure it's not something you'll regret

>>17534676
Why cant anyone respect OP's request for POSITIVE input? Stop trying to pull people into your pit of self pity and negativity.

>>17534654
This the kind of shit we need in this thread

>>17534692
because if i throw you into a pool of acid, you wont be glad to learn not to open your stupid mouth
fake idiot

>>17534741
Alright keyboard warrior. You have me genuinely frightened.

>>17534741
t. Holden Caulfield

>>17534623

3/10

>once upon a time had a bf
>he constantly put me down, forbade me from having friends
>wouldn't let me go anywhere by myself while simultaneously refusing to go anywhere with me
>was miserable, zero self confidence
>he starts getting physically abuse, not just verbally
>dumped him
>now I have 100% confidence, realized I've always been really pretty, and do what I want
>I have traveled cross country solo when he used to not let me go to the local park by myself
>now reading and studying what I like
>looking into a lot of personal finance and investment
>when I tried studying it while with him he gave me a "nuuuuhhhh investment is gambling, you're gonna lose all your monies"
>implying day trading, faget
>went back to uni, graduated, moved to a new city, love it here
>keep my place super clean, go places, do stuff, hangout with a lot of people, totally at ease
>well actually took me 3 years to repair my confidence and learn to socialize, but yeah
>if I were still with him I'd have battered housewife syndrome
>now I'm living my dreams
>he's balding at 25 and stuck in a shitty job

>>17535394
Good fuckn job. It happens to the best of us. Too giving and then we realize what were worth?