How do you stop wanting/expecting people to coddle and protect you?

First off there is not an answer that will solve this problem for you any time soon and maybe even ever. Accept the fact that you are a sensitive person. That's ok.

What is not ok is believing people NEED to insulate you from the world. Stand up for yourself. You are worth while. You matter. You are the only person who truly understands you, and the only person that can protect you 100% of the time.

I believe it is ok to ask for a helping hand but to understand how to react when one is not offered.

Begin to invest in yourself by thinking of the person you want to be. What dreams do you have that are currently being stopped by some fear? It may be worth while to understand that fear and how it began.

Everyone is scared of failure but success is earned not gifted.

Find someone to coddle and protect.

>>17533925
Last weekend I planned my night poorly, and ended up stranded in the city, black out drunk and nodding off in the street. This woman and her friends found me, asking me questions, whether I was ok, whether I was homeless, what was I doing there in the dead of the night.

I explained my situation nd they concluded that they can't just leave me there in the rain, and one of their friends agreed to let me crash his place for the night.

I don't know what the fuck I was expecting, getting into cars with strangers like that, but it was only once we made it to his home that he let me know he expected sexual favours in return.

I got away with no penetration on the grounds that it hurts and he had no lube, but I had to make him ejaculate other ways. I didn't think I'd feel so bad about it afterwards.

Somehow I guess I figured that since there were women in the party, they wouldn't leave me with someone who'd hurt me.

I know I deserve everything that's done to me until I learn my lesson and stop fucking trusting people, but it keeps happening.

The way that cured me of this curse is find someone that you need/want to cuddle and protect. Someone that needs you.

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>>17533966
time to fap

>>17533979
I try my best to look after my family but they are exhausting to care for.

I drink a lot less whenever I'm not living with them.

>>17533966

It's hard to begin to imagine the pain from that night let alone everything else you've been going through.

A big take away that I see here is exactly how trusting you are of people and that is a very adored quality. I'm not suggesting you to do anything crazy but there is a National Sexual Assault organization that does great work and you don't even have to call if you don't want. I'd suggest talking with someone more about some of the issues that you have with that night in-particular.

hotline.rainn.org

>until I learn my lesson and stop fucking trusting people

You will find someone one day who will change that.

>>17533902
Find someone that respects you and cares about you, that won't do that. A lot of drug support groups are like that, maybe try something like that.

Have some shame. Have some pride. Grow up.

Take care of something that relies on you, not anyone saving you. i.e. a dog or pet or something.

Take some martial arts from an old asian dude/lady. If they are good, you will learn. quick.

Take some initiative and really care about yourself. If you rely on others to do it for you, there must be some reason you dont do it yourself. Usually thats deep-seeded self-resent, but ymmv.

>>17533986
It wasn't really assault, I didn't fight him. This kind of thing used to happen a lot but I've never been fucked without permission.

>>17534034
We have three dogs.

What can you have pride on when there's nothing to be proud of?

>>17534094
Good lord you're pathetic.

>>17534094
Who is we?

And take pride in yourself, idiot. You spend all this time thinking you're just having your hand held through life, putting yourself in situations that can only reinforce the idea that you live and die by someone else's hand, almost literally. You are perfectly capable of taking care of yourself, but you don't want to admit that. The problem isnt with other people or your expectations of them . It's your lack of expectations for yourself. You want to be impotent because you don't want to take responsibility for every part of your life. Well guess what asshole, you don't have control of everything in your life, but you do of SOME THINGS. USE THEM.

Maybe something bad happened to you when you were young, and you've internalized that shame and impotence into your whole worldview. And that is sad. But it's not what makes you pathetic. What makes you pathetic is that now, when you have a chance to take control, you just dont because youd rather keep on playing pretend.

Really, the root of it is that you don't care about yourself, and you're convinced everything that's happened to you, good and bad, was never truly the result of your own actions. But you have done good things in your life, things you should be grateful to your past self for doing. That's what pride is, and everyone should have it. If you don't, develop it. And care for your future self like you would your dog. Better, even.

>>17534209
Me, my mom and my sister.

Where am I supposed to start?

>>17533966
so you fucked a stranger? you realize you could have just said no. are you subby as fuck and enjoy that or are you just literally insane

>>17534219
Start small.

Take time during the day and reflect on what good things you've done for yourself. Whether that's feeding yourself, getting out of bed in the morning, getting ready for the day, performing well in some aspect. YOU are doing these things, unless you're literally a vegetable (which I don't think you are, since you recognized something's wrong and are looking for help). Be grateful TO yourself, even if you arent perfectly content WITH yourself.

Learn a skill, one where you can see your progression. Something that you yourself can take pride in improving. Be it video games, hula hooping, blwoing smoke rings, whatever. Develop yourself as a person and it'll be easier for you to recognize the you that you should already take pride in.

Help people. Do community service or something. Volunteer. Do something that will show you that you can make a difference in someone else's life. Then it'll be easier to take control of your own.

Good on you for looking for help. Take pride in that. Thank yourself for it.
(Even if it is from 4chan)

>>17534227
I said "no" but he started haggling. I was drunk, I was tired, I was in his home and not even sure what city I was in. I was scared he'd get sick of it eventually and just fuck me anyway.

>>17534233
I've been holding a menial job for six months now, and I'm starting evening classes for a real job today. I donate money to red cross and amnesty, and I'm trying to write a book.

I'm thinking of getting a girlfriend. Since sex is out of the question anyway, it's all the same who I'm with.

>>17534273
Good. Take pride in what you're doing to improve your lot. Don't start a relationship you aren't emotionally ready for. It's easy to seek out people as crutches or punching bags, when they should be neither. There are things that only you can do for yourself. I would advise getting help about the sexual assault. You made a mistake and someone very much took advantage of you, but the sooner you work through it, the better.

>>17534307
It wasn't an assault, I let it happen. I could have fought him, I should have been more persistent. Men are opportunistic with sex, that's just what they do. The survival of the species depends upon it.

>>17534369
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-yUafzOXHPE

Only if the dude is a sociopath LUL

Do you honestly think most men would take a drunk girl from off the street and expect her to perform sexual favors for staying the night there? If so, you have an incredibly warped view of men. Probably from a bad sample...

>>17534399
Probably. I've never had male friends and apparently have some aura of being an easy target.

For a long time I thought it was just the way I dressed, I'd wear a lot of provocative stuff out of sheer insecurity.

But no, it happens in boy clothes, too.

>>17534407
Yeah, predatory men can spot insecure women like hawks spot field mice. That's why it makes up the majority of their diet. It has less to do with you dressing provocatively and more to do with the overall behavioral cues that you won't assert yourself. And the fact that you didn't fight more in the past probably makes it feel like you were complicit in the action, at least partially. And maybe you were, sometimes. But that doesn't make it any less of a scummy thing to do, and isn't really representative of men as a whole.

But I guess that's just another reason to build up your self-esteem.

>>17534407
To be clear, t is on you for placing yourself in compromising situations (ie getting stranded, drunk, etc.), and that's something you need to learn from and fix.
But it's never really your fault that someone took advantage of you while you were in that position.

That's like a bully blocking the hallway and asking for lunch money from a kid in a wheelchair.

>>17533966
>stranded in the city, black out drunk and nodding off in the street

aww classic hoe problem
If you got in my car I'd make sure you eat all those fucking eggs I could find.

>>17534407
>aura of being an easy target
let's see what you look like first before coming to conclusions

>>17534443
But it wasn't him who first found me, it was his friends, the female ones.

how do you build self-esteem?

>>17534451
I'm about 5'6, around 125 lbs, bit lopsided standard scandinavian face, very short hair bleached almost white, wearing jeans, a t-shirt, hoodie, winter coat and hiking boots at the time of the incident.

Can't really take a picture now.

>>17534481
see
>>17534233

basically, make your self-worth come from your self

good luck anon

>>17534516
It's not like I don't do anything at all. I just do the things everyone does. I don't understand the connection.

What self-worth is there in doing what has to be done?