I need advice hard. I need to decide whether I should take or

nobody actually cares about you, so do whatever

>>17521869
cont'd.

I haven't talked to therapist in almost a year, and I haven't taken any medication since then.

I used to take antidepressants and anti-anxiety meds. My therapist thought they were good, she said they made me "less exigent with myself".
It may be true, but because I am not smart I need to be more exigent with myself than others, because otherwise I won't be able to do anything, not even make a my mind about something, like now.

I suppose I could go to the psychiatrist and ask for Xanax again. I used to take it and I could go to lectures Xanax'd. That may make me less anxious about being there, and maybe more willing to be there even if I don't want to.

I now I sound like a madman, I am aware of that...
Please help.

>implying people notice you and care that much

Relax, nobody cares. They're too busy with their own issues. Do you notice and keep track of other people like that or something?

>>17521869
As others have said, you exaggerate the impression you make on others. Most people didn't notice you were there and won't notice you're gone, and the few who do notice will forget about it quickly because - and I don't mean this cruelly - you just don't matter that much to them.

I say that just to get that whole issue out of the way. No one - absolutely no one - is going to think you a failure if you drop out or think you a hero if you stay in.

The real question is what YOU will think about yourself.

Let's bring it down to simple terms. There is a class you are pretty sure you're not equipped to take, but you don't want to back down just because you've backed down from so many other challenges in the past and you want to be able to feel you gave SOMETHING your full commitment.

That is very admirable. It really is. But you have to do a cost-benefit analysis here. Which would be the greatest failure for you - recognizing that you are just not ready for this course and choosing one you have more likelihood of succeeding in, or committing to this course and then discovering that, through no fault of yours but just lack of background classes, you can't do it?

If you think that absolute determination and hard work will get you through this class, and that succeeding will be a major boost to your self-image, then go for it. If you think that the odds are just too great against you, then it is NOT failure or cowardice to acknowledge that, but just good sense.

You decide which path will be best for your mental/emotional health.

Literally nobody in that class could give a shit whether or not that you're in there

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>>17521869
quick questions:
Are all of your peers (people of the same year) taking this course ?
Are you the only one dropping this course ?
Going to lectures in the first 2 weeks and then dropping courses is pretty common I believe.

>I have covered the official requirements, I'm not solid enough to be fluent in this course

How bad is it ? it must have a textbook, have you tried the exercises ? I took courses I don't even satisfy requirements for (as an undergrad my major is physics so I never learned Linear programming, but I took graduate level nonlinear optimization, never learned measure theory, took graduate analysis, never learned Galois theory, took graduate algebra, all with approvals of math department). I got A on all of them. The key, I think, is, you DON'T complain a subject is difficult if you haven't solved 5 exercises on it everyday. No ordinary person learns mathematics just by reading the theory, you are not Gauss or Newton. This sounds like it only applies to mathematics but, honestly I believe it applies for any non-soft science.
So my advice is, if this course is that important for your mental health and potential romance, it has only been one lecture, don't get depressed, try to do the textbook exercises, go to your professor (in his office hour, not in front of the class) for help if needed. If:
a) you are indeed incapable of solving ANY exercises in the textbook of your course
(I find this hard to believe, as you have taken the prerequisites, exercises in the first chapter of ANY decent textbook has one single purpose to refresh the foundation)
or
b) after solving them you don't find what you learned useful or rewarding,
then I think you can drop it without feeling so bad.

Pic slightly related, everyone has a moment when they are overwhelmed by the gigantic structure of their own field, this is von Neumann's advice to a physicist, basically, you should substitute your fear with more practice and reflect.