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Anonymous
Can environment foster/eliminate depression? 2016-09-01 07:38:03 Post No. 17521291
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Can environment foster/eliminate depression? 2016-09-01 07:38:03 Post No. 17521291
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Can environment foster/eliminate depression?
Anonymous
2016-09-01 07:38:03
Post No. 17521291
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Tl;dr | I've been diagnosed with minor depression and going about with it unmedicated for the better half of a decade now, and recently have had the offer to totally pack up and abandon my current life. Could that help, or would I just collapse entirely?
Okay, so I know 4chan isn't the place to blogpost, and I know that -- if my previous few threads on /adv/ are anything -- this thread will die without replies after I finish posting. Still, I'd rather post it here than tie my name to anything.
I've been depressed. Since ~middle school. I won't make some huge segment out of that, though. Essentially, I was a little faggot and faculty and students alike gave me a bunch of shit I probably deserved. In any case, it sort of stunted me socially, and I've never really recovered from it.
I've fucked off to the internet and developed my own interests of varying popularity, but ever since middle school, my fuel to do things has slowly dwindled to the point that now, I can only force myself to do things in baby steps. Oddly enough, this doesn't necessarily include things like work or school (more on school below). Even now, I can bust ass through a 40, 50, 60 hour work week and do a better job than coworkers. It's just a sort of mental autopilot, I guess.
As for school, it's been frustrating. I never really managed to make very close friends. From elementary school onward, I've always gotten rejected by crushes and the like, and certainly never had anyone interested in me. Admittedly, for all the general stupidity young romances seem to involve, I hate I was never invited to that party.
I graduated in the middle of my class GPA-wise, but I had the highest college entrance exam scores in the school. A few classmates of mine went off to the Ivy League despite lower exam scores due to the higher GPAs and a far more involved extracurricular portfolio. I don't wish them anything less than the best, but I wish I'd managed to suck it up and be more passionate about school.
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I've been unable to stay in school for nearly three years now. I caved my first year, but still finished it. Family drama has left me unable to register for two years, and I finally returned this semester, only to both not afford housing and get squeezed off campus by the police because being a homeless student apparently made me a safety risk to other students. So I'm back home.
My ability to progress independently has hit 0 after a steady decline. I'm 20 years old, and all of my friends are either out of trade school, finishing up college in a year or so, or generally moving along in life well enough. I've tried to find a passion about anything, but it just isn't happening. I've managed to make a fair amount of acquaintances, even friends, online, but I can never seem to find the same sort of people IRL in my areas. Having interests that aren't particularly popular here makes it hard to find friends in the area; I've made one or two good acquaintances. When I do find people with some mutual interests, I don't really manage to fit their bill as an acceptable tagalong, so I'm never quite worthy to hang out with them, anyway.
Now when I do try to force myself to develop a skill, I always feel so old -- too old to be literally just starting. I know the alternative is to never be good at a thing, but its always demotivating to know I'll be in my thirties at best -- and probably at an age at which nobody would care/I'd still be a general nobody -- before I have any decent level of skill at anything. I feel like part of it is where I am, a middle of nowhere place that most anybody I know that's done anything with their lives has run away from and never come back.
And now, I've had an offer to get out, too. Not school again, but something else. I just don't know if the "me" independent of this place is man enough to deal with it. I don't honestly think I can change. I dunno broke in my brain, but I feel like somewhere along the line I fucked up and can't get back up.
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Anon, it seems you may be having detachment issues. I'm a little concerned that this has all been filed under minor depression.
I'll be able to reply in full to you when I leave office today. You can chat to me anytime at [email protected]
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>>17521306
I'll be here.
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Bumping for office anon.
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Fuckin aye mate you sound like what i used to be. Good luck.
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>>17524331
Thanks, stranger.
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You sound a little like me from 1 year in the future. I don't know how to hell you because I'm not in a good place either. Hope things work out for you anon.
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>>17527156
Thanks.You can do better than I'm doing, Anon. Believe in yourself.
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