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I have been dealing with strong self loathing this years, and I wasn't like that. I just have this horrible urge to punch myself in the face (I resist it, but it comes back strongly and with anxiety).
It began 3 years ago, and I think the reason is because I was sexually assaulted by a "friend". Sometimes I feel really guilty for feeling bad, because I am technically ok. I feel bad for feeling bad because I know there is more fucked up situations than mine, but I guess it doesn't work that way.
I find it weird because I was never a sad person, and when this incident happened, I was mostly ok for the first year, as if it never happened (I even forgot about it), but then I started to get depressed and fuck everything up.
Now this feeling is back, and I don't know how to deal with this. Do I have to go to therapy? I tried once but the lazy fucker just wanted to give me pills. Is there any other thing I can do to deal with this?
I have friends who I talk to, but I feel as if I want to fucking hurt myself if I am alone and I can't bother my friends everyday.
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How did your friend assault you?
I was assaulted too in college. Stay strong.
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>>17521192
(srry for my english)
He was always taking care of me and keeping me company as I worked ( I worked in my own restaurant, sometimes alone). I trusted him wholeheartedly.
He knew how to do really good massages, and he always did them to me to ease my stress. One day, we where alone and he took my bra off, and I was ok with it because he was doing "a back massage" and suddenly he started touching me. I said no and then he put a knife in my throat and told me he could slice my throat and I'll bleed myself to death in one minute. So I stood still.
What I find very surprising is that I never ever thought he was capable of doing that. It broke me.
He then asked me to so some nasty stuff I don't really want to write in here.
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take pride in being hot enough to be sexually assaulted. it means you have the world in your hands if you can take advantage of it. sounds harsh, but it's true. you have no reason to be so sad.
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>>17521216
i didnt read about the knife part, that's fucked up then, sorry
>>17521207
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>>17521207
What the fuck? That sounds more like rape than sexual assault.
Did you report that shit to the police? That's heavy weight crime.
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>>17521207
>So I stood still.
so what happened next ???
"it was just a prank, relax" right ?
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>>17521207
Well I was not raped, you can be sexually assaulted and not be raped. I didn't do nothing beause I was young and pretended it never happened. I even saw the guy the next morning and acted as normal ( I know it is creepy, but I guess that's how I took it).
A week later, jokingly, he told me via chat that I was a stupid person (actually, in my language a more harsh word) and I started crying uncontrollably. A mutual friend was there and I told her everything.
Nothing happend, she just told him to never go to the place if I was there, again. She is STILL HIS FRIEND. I was fuckin 19, she was 27 and he was fucking 36.
I hate that I didn't know what to do, and people who could help me, didn't.
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