Just Fucking

Mental illness is hell.

I don't expect mentally healthy people to understand it because they never will.

>>17517902
I let another chance slip by like a fucking beta idiot. In 4 hours hopefully I'll get a another chance. I don't know what to say to this girl

I have a few guys wanting to date or hook up, I couldn't care less about any of them. The one guy who interests me, and turns me on is completely emotionally and physically unavailable to me. I've spent months thinking about him in every way and its riving me nuts. If he called me now and asked to be poly I'd do it, thats how much I'm in love with him. fuuuuuuuuccccckkk

My boobs are too big, my thighs are too big, there's at least 3 things I hate about every part of my body.
I want to fucking stop eating for the rest of my life. I am untalented and I'm worse than every fucking person I know.
I want to fucking punch my teeth to make them straight again. I want to fix my anger problems so when I scratch my face it doesn't bleed. I want to stop breaking holes in walls and I want to stop being a fucking waste of human space.

I also want to fucking watch my 'cooking' teacher rot in hell.

>>17518132
Watch and learn, this is how to make a woman interested in you. Either treat her like shit, or completely ignore her.
If you show her that you're interested in her then you're automatically shelved as a beta nice guy and lose any chances you might have had.

This is a really, really useless feeling to have when it conflicts with my interests. I don't want a relationship, casual sex or anything of the sort. I simply have a few common interests shared with someone, so every now and then we talk, nothing more. So why the Hell am I developing a crush on them? It's completely useless to have, when I don't want anything of the sort, physical distance makes it completely impossible on top of not wanting one, same for the fact we don't know each other. There's no use in a crush when nothing will ever come of it. Yet I feel an odd sense of jealousy every now and then. It's too dumb of a reason to stop talking to them, there is absolutely no use in having such a temporary feeling, either. I just hope it passes soon, it's really annoying me.

What's somewhat making it all worse is that someone else keeps chiming in just because of it, making all the wrong assumptions about us just because we sometimes talk. When the person I've got this weird crush on for no reason already has a crush on someone else, that's the sort of thing that'd inconvenience them if a misunderstanding arose. But it's impossible for me to actually tell the person he's misunderstanding the situation entirely and that we're strangers to each other beyond just talking about a mutual interest or two.

I hope this feeling passes soon, it's annoying as Hell and really, really distracting

>>17518143
london?

>>17518143
Get braces, though.

>>17518166
Nope. Australia.
I have braces. It's still going to take a couple years before they stop being fucking butter.

>>17518143
Work out, fatty. It can solve all your issues including the anger problems.

It won't send your cooking teacher to hell though.

I am too fucking lost. I have no idea what I want to do. And time carries on.

Since I am ghosting you, I'm glad you're not attempting to make any contact now.
I will no longer be your pity pet project, and I will enjoy living my life without you in it.

>>17518281
Initials for?

I'm investing my whole life in you

Don't worry, I'm just a fool

>>17518281
I don't know the reason why you're ghosting a person but you probably have an issue with yourself. Ghosting is really about the person doing it.

>>17518291
Not you. Really, I promise you, it's about 2 people who don't this website, like most of these sort of posts about another person.

>>17518303
Doesn't everyone have issues with themselves?

Anyway, I didn't want to go into it. I'm ghosting them because they have treated me like shit. Mocked me in person and in social media, told people I was a charity case (I'm not, I have a good job), but still wants good boy points for hanging out with poor, sad anon. Even bought me stuff, to post pictures on sites saying "Helped out anon today, always good to help out others when they have so little", or when I have helped him he will take credit for it in a "Look what I did! Hard work pays off." If that's how friends are, then I don't want friends. I've even asked this board about their behavior, and was told it wasn't worth it.

I'd love for us to live together

>>17517915
On that note, I gotta let it out.

People are so fucking insecure. I'm not talking about the "whiners", it's the opposite actually. The fuckers who think that everything's gotta be about machismo. Anyone who makes a complaint about anything, no matter how modest, is a "little bitch". Someone's going through a hard time, just yell at 'em more to show that YOU'RE not the fragile guy. They can't even argue a point without it devolving into insult-fights and other meaningless chest-beating shit. I see it everywhere, not just on the internet.

We need to stop teaching people that being right is the only way to survive. Being wrong and fucking up are part of life, and LEARNING ITSELF. If trying to be self-centered jackasses is how we have to survive these days, something's gotta give. People gotta learn to have some sympathy for their fellow man. Why do you have to "show them you're tough" when the only people who actually think this are compensating for having no self-confidence?

>>17517915
Same guy again, to clarify, I agree with you 100%, but people are so focused on making themselves look good that instead of trying to help people get to readily-available solutions for problems, or at the very least just having sympathy, they got to shit on people with mental disorders to... stop their own mental insecurities. Which is the biggest stroke of irony ever.

>>17517902
Meera I want to be with you instead of my girlfriend. I love your personality and your smile melts my heart. I wish my girlfriend didn't love me so much so i could break up with her.

I met an absolutely lovely lady, and we've gone on a handful of dates. Things are going smoothly and I'm certain she likes me.

I'm scared I'm falling for her too fast and it's making me think not clearly. I don't want to scare her off, but it's very tough to try and not sperg out.

It's also very frustrating in that she takes soooooo long to get back to me. We were making plans to hang out the other night, and her texts were coming in every 20 minutes. I almost bailed and made other plans. I'm torn between thinking she doesn't give a shit, and that it's just her personality.

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>>17518317
I remember you. You're doing the right thing, it really isn't worth having shitty "friends" who just want to use you to boost their ego. Waste of your time and energy, which could be better spent with better people.

>>17517199
>I'm listening to Cat's in the Cradle and I'm fucking crying.
>I'm 27 years old.
>Why does this affect me?
That song just hits so fucking hard. True for so many of us, man.
Got the same relationship with my father too. He never had friends or anything, never tried to be a dad, just locked himself in his room and worked. Only time he'd ever talk to me would be to punish me for something or give me chores to do. Now i've basically turned out the same. I spend all my time working alone, and when my family tries to call or text i just reply with a couple words or not at all. Too busy.
I'm an antisocial, workaholic bastard, just like him.

>>17518147
You sound exactly like someone who behaves like a nice guy just so they can bang chicks. That's not how that works.

Seriously, what this femanon is talking about also happens to guys. The thing about being attracted to someone who's distant happened to me multiple times. Why the fuck is it suddenly a gender thing? As someone who hates this word has become, that's sexist. I feed dirty for saying it, but you're being sexist.

>If you show her that you're interested in her then you're automatically shelved as a beta nice guy and lose any chances you might have had.

Where the fuck did she imply that? It sounds to me like she would have been equally uninterested in these guys even if they didn't approach her. That's just life. You wouldn't suddenly be attracted to someone you weren't attracted to because they asked you out, and you sure as hell wouldn't be attracted to someone if you thought they became your friend just to get into your pants. What the hell is your problem?

It sounds like the reason you cant get any girls isn't because you're a nice guy. Its because you're an asshole who pretends their a nice guy. You're never going to actually get a girl doing that because the girls who want assholes dont just want any asshole, they want an attractive asshole.

Take it from me, the guy who's only romantic relationship started just by being nice to a girl, it happens. However, if you actively want to get a girlfriend, it's the least effective way of approaching the situation. I know it sounds crazy, but maybe you actually need to be an attractive option for the girl, rather than someone with their only positive trait being that they're a "nice guy".

I'm sorry if I come off as a dick, but the "Girls only date assholes, they never date nice guys" attitude just pisses me the fuck off. It's basically the male equivalent of "If you cant handle me at my worst, you don't deserve me at my best".

I worked hard to try and become the person I wanted to be. now I've hit middle age and I'm not who I wanted to be at all. it's like I've made no progress. have I been doing it wrong all this time?

I'd like to go back over every piece of advice that I didn't follow because it didn't make sense to my stubborn black-and-white thinking, and reexamine it all. but I can't fucking remember any of it. and what I do remember, hurts to remember.

I'm embarrassed at how little progress I've made. I feel humiliated. everybody swears it's fine but they don't know what it's like to look back on 20 years of self-improvement and feel like it's come to nothing.

trying not to feel sorry for myself here, because it serves nothing and because I don't need to add "pity party planner" to my resume along with "rude ass" and "walking excuse factory." it's just fucking hard, is all.

>>17518486
I'm guessing you needed to get that off your chest, but i don't think the anon you replied to is the type of guy you're describing. Someone who gives advice like:
>this is how to make a woman interested in you. Either treat her like shit, or completely ignore her.
>If you show her that you're interested in her then you're automatically shelved as a beta nice guy
Doesn't seem like the type who acts nice to get into people's pants.

Even though I look like I enjoy life and believed myself also I just realized I was just faking it and I want to die.

I wanna fuck my therapist.

There is no way in Hell this will ever happen, and even if it did it would be disastrous for both of us (her especially) but holy shit she is a bombshell.

>>17518517
Get into art and philosophy. It will make you realize you're not alone and maybe you could make a buck from expressing your feelings through art. Most humans are disappointed with themselves, really.

>>17518517
By ''make you realize you're not alone'' I mean it would make you realize your feelings aren't uncommon at all.

hhhhhhhhhhhhhh

I know I said I would not contact her unless I saw her in person, but I really want to anyway....

Fuck. I want her even as just a friend, but I would not be opposed to a relationship.

>>17517915
You experience certain feelings with mental health. Most people have experienced the same feelings just not due to the same reasons as you. i have struggled with mental health issues my whole life. It's amazing how people don't know, but they would if they weren't so busy trying to tell me I don't understand!!!!
Boohoo. You'd be amazed at how many people really do understand. Get out of your head and stop being so self absorbed.

>>17517915
If they don't understand, help them understand!! Its the greatest thing a person can do

>>17518147
BS. I can see how you might think that, if you want an insecure female that will eventually cheat on you. I will never date someone who ignores me or is an ahole. Being genuine is the only way.

>>17518359
Not yet. Let's do it right

>>17518517
Don't be so tough on yourself. You are a better person than most.

I was in a friendship with a married female co-worker who is more than 10 years older than me. And I love her.
I knew nothing serious would ever happen between us so I just went with being friends with her. It was great.
I never had such an experience in my life before. She was genuinely interested in pursuing a friendship with me.
She was often the one who contacted me and wanted to meet up. I enjoyed her company every second I was able to have with her.
For reasons I am not entirely sure about, the friendship went sour. She told me that she needed some time away from me,
that she will have a lot to tell me. That was 7 months ago. She hasn't spoken a word with me since then. Everyday I waited and hoped that she would
contact me, but to make it worse, after the first few months I was told by my boss that she doesn't want to work with me anymore. I am still waiting
for her and even though we will be working together soon again, I know that it's over. And I feel like I die a little every day.

>>17518317
I have three names for those kind of people. "Jackass", "Narcissist," and "Would be Hitler if given political power." Those aren't friends, those are fuckasses using you. Ghost 'em until they shrivel up like vampires.

I'm leaving everyone I know for 2 years with little contact and I'm scared what the outcome will at the end of it. My GF wants to get married. My parents want me to finish my uni degree. My boss wants me to continue working for him. But I'm giving that all up because I feel like I'm doing the right thing.

But I can't help but feel I'm being naive or foolhardy.

>>17518375
Okay my friend, I'm asking you a question.

With whom do you find the most comfortable?

I met this girl a few months back, and we've really gotten along well. One thing that I realized is that she doesn't have any friends besides me. She's pretty cute, and isn't a bad person at all. She really wants to meet new friends through m, and pays a lot of attention to how she looks. She's clearly desperate to meet new people, and that's understandable considering the situation she's in. The problem is that I can't help but feel like I'm being used as a stepping stone for her to branch out. I try to hide how pissed and neglected I get when she keeps trying to get me to bring all of my friends somewhere and ends up trying to rush a relationship with one, or nearly completely ignores me. I could never go up to her and say "you hurt my feelings and I'm afraid that I'm just a part of your grand plan" because I've already hinted at it like a passive aggressive fuck and I don't want to seem too clingy. The thing that really fucks with me about the situation is that I had a tough time being social when I was a kid, and its absolutely fucked my self confidence. I don't know when my fear and feelings of neglect are legitimate and when I'm just being too jealous and controlling because I'm scared that I'll be thrown away and ignored like when I i was younger. I don't know how to deal with the situation. She's getting along really well with a friend of mine, and they've been constantly talking. I know that her and I have exchanged lots of stuff, and that our "honeymoon" phase of our friendship is over, but I just feel like this is the part where I'm discarded in favor of a new person. It doesn't help that I've been sort of pushing her away due to how awful I feel over the situation.

>>17518922
Christ, anon. That sounds absolutely awful. Do you have any idea whatsoever about what made it go so badly?

>>17518968

Experience has told me anon that the best advice is always confronting your problem head-on.

Not that you necessarily confront the person head-on mind you.

Next time she does something like that why not try saying something to the effect of "you really hurt me when you do ___" or "I feel like I'm being used when you do ___"

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I'm sick of it all I just wanna go guess all I got really is myself only.

I feel bad for my mom tho she doesn't deserve all of this shit she's going thru and I feel like shit considering I got my part in it

I try to change I really do but I can't be perfect I'm not the worst and I try to please everyone I really do but I am so tired

I hate you *crush name* so much you keep telling me there's nothing between you and him yet you always look at him always talk with him and yesterday you wanted to go on a walk with him and I'm fucking sure that you know I knew what was going up. I'm not stupid

If you have to choose between me and him go for him. You don't even know what you want at all

A huge fuck you to everyone including myself

Fuck

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I left you because when you get too close to the sun, you burn and violently crash down to earth. I don't want to be Icarus.

What I'm saying is, If I fall deep in love, I'll let down my guard and you would be able to tear me apart whenever you want. And I'm scared that several years down the line you might want to do so. Maybe because you're bored, maybe because you're mad at me for whatever reason. I feel like one day you might get a kick out of riling me up and as a suicidal trainwreck, I can't handle that.

I'll be honest: sometimes I've thought about how interesting it would be to come home to find that my loved ones had been violently killed. It would be a bizarre and cool life experience, right? Heartwrenching and spooky, but cool. I don't feel the same way about emotional wounds because tears scare me more than blood. But I'm not sure how you feel about it. Would you be interested and stimulated by seeing someone you love in emotional pain? I can't be sure.

>>17518979
Thanks for the response. Honestly, I'd love to, but I'm afraid that she'd just apologize and whisper sweet nothings in my ear, and nothing would change. I did the same thing with someone else who I considered a good friend. She suddenly stopped talking to me for a few months. I confronted her, and she was extremely apologetic, but nothing came of it (it turned out she was ridiculously antisocial). What will telling her change? She would never just say "oh yeah, you mean nothing to me, sorry." I'm not sure if the problem is her or me though. I don't know I she's using me, or if I'm projecting my extreme insecurities by assuming she's using me just because she doesn't spend every minute with me.

Also, I told her how I feel when she piggybacks off my friends, but in a much harsher and veiled way after I was very angry over related matters. I didn't get the point across at all, and really just played the blame game. That was about two weeks ago. If I do tell her, should I wait longer? I don't want to come off as desperate or as though I'm jealous in a romantic relationship kind of way. Sorry for the long response. I really want to solve this issue and get it squared away. It's been depresing the hell out of me for months.

>>17518977
Not really. I mean, it's not like we never had disagreements or anything, just like you would expect in a fairly normal friendship, but I don't see what it could be. Maybe it's just the accumulation of them and getting to know each other, since we have few common interests, i guess partly because of the age gap, but I never felt like it was a problem to her and it obviously isn't a problem to me, especially since things worked out well every time.

>>17519032

Nah don't apologise, you seem conflicted I think every honest man has been a situation like your own.

Would it be better if you were able to be together? Or do you think you wouldn't be able to trust her?

Regardless, she probably isn't stupid and has an idea that you are angry with something about her. I would say don't bother waiting. If she can handle you standing up for yourself then great, if not you didn't lose by losing a shitty friend.

>>17519048
That's frustrating to read about. I had a similar experience with someone who I considered a close friend. They suddenly stopped contacting me. It turned out that she was having severe mental breakdowns and was extremely antisocial, and she couldn't handle the pressure of having relations with people. She seemed 100% normal, if maybe a bit reclusive. I'm not sure if the case you're dealing with could be something like that, but I suppose its possible.

>>17519103
Sad to hear that.

She told me that she has only a handful of friends. As do I. For me, none of them are female, so she was something very new and refreshing.
I don't think she has mental breakdowns, though she told me that she has some hardships to go through, but not what exactly. Maybe she just told her husband (who I also know) about one of the disagreements and he told her to break this up to have fewer hardships in her life, then she took the first opportunity to drop me. Or maybe she just thought that herself. I don't know. It's not easy to handle this uncertainty if the person involved is important to you and you don't even know what is happening.

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Why do i keep wanting to live this fairy tale where i find a cute introverted girl that likes me and joins me in my autistic adventures

i didn't learn my lesson the last 2 times it happened and now the story is repeating again, i always start with a good conversation then i try to ask her out and she starts making excuses

it doesn't matter how much i have changed myself or how many friends i have now, she can see that im shit, and she seems more insterested in what that tall guy who smokes weed has to say, why do i keep giving myself hope it's just not going to happen, my life is way better now i have a bunch of friends and i can talk more, but i still feel empty because of this , if she could at least say no and reject me i wouldn't be giving myself hope from time to time

i think i'll just get drunk as much as i can on the next party, (i don't even like to drink but something tells me that it will make me feel better somehow) i doubt she'll come but i guess i'll end up trying to invite her again

I’m sorry that I do not how to love and be loved or how to trust and be trustworthy. I am my own destruction but I’ll be damned if I am not also somehow yours. I’ll not drown alone, I’ll take down everyone I claim to love as well.

I am riddled with anxiety. I have a girlfriend who is making me feel bad. Soon it's 6 months together, and I have absolutely no clue how to deal with it.

If I stay with her, I'll be unhappy because we have very different ideas about our future and also because she is manipulative and is making me go crazy. If I leave her, I fear I will feel even worse than now, also because I have upcoming university exams and various changes in my life.

I kissed another girl a month ago. Went on a double date yesterday, with her, her friend and a close friend of mine. Everything went wrong. I ordered a litre of Belgian triple beer and got a pint of Czech beer.

When we were on our own, she told me she will not do anything with me if I'm in a relationship. I told her about why I'm in such a situation and it ended with her telling me to fuck off then crying. This morning, though, she sent a really long message apologizing for her behaviour and she seems comprehensive about my situation.

My mind is really fucked right now. I have no clue how to dump a suicidal, depressive girlfriend. I have put myself in a really fucked situation.

I don't understand why women take ages to reply to guys. You're not doing anything important anyway. You're probably just browsing Facebook and Twitter and just reposting/retweeting shit.

It's even more confusing when someone shows interest in you, but they won't reply to you. Women need to stop with the whole thrill of the chase bullshit, If you like a guy, fucking TELL him that you do.

If a woman throws hints at a guy, she's being playful/gauge reactions. If a man throws hints, he's a creep.

Fuck this.

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My brain is melting over this decision! How do I find the right path?

Should I stay here with my family, gf and friends? Finishing my Masters, getting into a nice and promising career + high salary, while doing a job that kills me inside every day for the next fourty years (or before I end it myself).

Or should I move abroad, leaving everything behind? Going to med school, incur huge debt, risking to fail and ending up with nothing, all for the vague dream of doing something meaningful in this world and helping people.

Every time I think I've decided for one option, I sway back to the other...

I hoped we might go out together this evening, perhaps for a walk down the waterfront and a drink, talk about our day, perhaps hold hands and share a kiss. It didn't happen again though. I hate that I'm really upset because I've fooled myself into thinking you had feelings for me after all, after how you've been acting..anyway I need to get on and hesitate from falling too hard before it ends me. I hate this. We could just get to know each other properly. If it doesn't work, we'll know, I wanted us to have that chance. Life's too short

i finally stopped being a total beta and i asked her to study with me

i know y'all are probably gonna tell me i should have asked her out on a date, but i'm definitely not at the point where i'm confident enough to do that

next step is get her number soon

just wanted to share my happiness about having finally shown a bit of courage

>>17519310
Have you thought about asking him?

>>17519344
I did! Earlier, and then
I didn't get the opportunity

>>17519348
I even asked myself if it was ok for me to do that or whether it seems more desperate if you're a woman. I've done it before, once. Mixed results. We had a very long friendship which became a relationship, and it ended very badly, and I still love him like I did then

>>17519385
Have you considered not being 14 years old?

>>17519380
Actually, thinking about it, he made all the moves, I was just the one telling him how I felt about him and when he said he felt the same, it was lovely

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>Mfw he'll never talk dirty to me in French, ever again

>>17519403
Ma pute

>>17519403
Baguette diex neuf

>>17517902
I fantasize about taking something heavy and beating your face in until it's a jagged hole filled with teeth and hair.

I swear to fucking god if I could get away with I would break your fucking fingers you cunt piece of shit

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>>17519403
omelette du fromage

So you're overweight, you still see the boner right? You're aware that nothing else caused that but you.. so why the fuck can't you be happy about it? Whats holding you to these bullshit societal constrains of beauty? You used to be happy, I see the same woman I saw ten years ago, but somehow you don't?

>>17519422
its AU fromage, you dumb fucking retard

thanks for yelling at me and then when i say im sorry yelling at me more telling me im wrong... like dam i admitted i was wrong and apologized what more do you want from me?

>>17519415
I hate seeing messages like this. What happened?

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So in my last post, I realized that I sounded like a child, as someone pointed that out. So, I'm going to re-write what I said, in a more collected way. About two weeks ago, two of my best [online] friends blocked and unfriended me for possibly an extremely childish reason. Everything seemed normal and there were no fights of any sorts previous to that. I miss them a lot, because they both mean a lot to me, But I am also very angry about this. It's been hanging over my head and ive gone to multiple boards looking for advice on this, and it hasn't really helped. I attempted to contact them via a different way, with no reply. There's one last way I may be able to contact them and try to fix shit. Anyone got advice?

>>17519427
Maybe you don't compliment her enough and she feels like that's part of it. But even if you do still compliment her with the same fervor you used to when you were younger she has to be able to take pride in her own appearances and be up to snuff for her own standards.

I've seen the truth, i've seen god, i've seen the end of the universe, and it's just so fucking empty. I'm so afraid i'm all alone in this, but everyone have raised their walls so high no one but themselves can tear them down anymore. And i don't think most people will eventually do it in the end anyway. Maybe i should just reprogram and let myself get swallowed up by the machine? They all seem so happy. I want to be happy too. What if they are right? What if i'm the one who's delusional, and keeps defying natural human evolution? I want so SEE you all so badly, but you raise the wall the moment we come close. Please just be real for once, i don't want to die alone. I don't want to have the last moments of my life be centered around the thought that i never ever reached anyone else.
I didn't even force this ride down the fucking rabbit hole, it came on it's own, naturally, all throughout my life. I don't ever know what's real anymore. I've lost count on how many times i've ruined my chances by raising my own walls.

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>>17519509
>They fuck you over
>Somehow its your problem to make things right

>>17519516
She never gave a shit about the standards before, at least that's what she kept telling me. Guess she was lying?

I'm really confused and conflicted.

I have no idea what to do, I think this girl really likes me and I think I like her too but I'm not sure if its just lust or I genuinely like her.

My sex drive has been insane all summer (i'm 19 y/o male), I'm still a virgin but I've been taking better care of myself these last couple of months and lost a lot of weight. Not an insane amount, i'm still pretty chubby but I look a lot better than I did back in the spring semester when I met this girl.

Physically speaking she's definitely my type, so much so that I get kinda choked up and nervous when I'm talking to her which usually never happens to me cause I'm a really charismatic guy. I can talk to the most gorgeous girls like it was nothing, idk what it is about this one that makes me regress to being a shaky insecure 16 year old again. I wanna fuck her soo bad, but there is also a bit of me that just likes being around her.

Not sure how to define this. When I saw her for the first time this year I pretended like I didn't see her and kept walking, acting like I'm in a hurry to get somewhere is my defense mechanism but I always come off as a bit of a cold dick. That was just in passing, she didn't seem to notice me ignoring but fast forward a couple of hours to a class later that night, I get there first and you'll never realize who is the first to walk in.

Yep its her, she yells "anon!" drops her stuff and runs over to me gives me a huge hug. She was smiling so big, fuck I felt so good just looking in her eyes in that moment I was trying to come up with small talk but fuck I sounded like a stuttering idiot. She didn't seem set off by it, she laughed and just kept smiling at me. She mentioned seeing me and trying to reach out earlier but I didn't see her.

I felt like shit but we had a fun class and she hugged me on her way out too. Shes always so happy to see me now, what do I do? I don't want to lose this kind of intimacy

>>17517902

I often wish I were never born. I want to die. If I had the courage to kill myself I would. I am sick of my mental family and this world.

>>17519526

I just don't want to lose them. And trust me there's going to be hell for them to pay.

>>17518159
I relate way too fucking much to this... You know what? You need to let go of your need to be in control. Because you're not in control, and you'll never be. The day you can control your feelings for someone is the day you stop being human. Just let yourself feel it man, like, "wow, this person is so cool, and beautiful, and i don't even know why i think so, and maybe we'll never end up together, but that's fine".

>>17519526
They're HER standards- for herself. Not anyone else's standards. She can care about what she thinks of herself without caring about whether or not she's the media's definition of attractive.

Hey, wanna know an interesting fact about the sun? It's just a big ball of exploding gas and there are millions like it out there, including many that are bigger and brighter. The sun looks fascinating to most humans because it's like nothing else we see on a daily basis but really, it's nothing special.

The sun is overrated.

We have been packing and loading the storage pods for our cross country move for 3 days and I just wanna be done already burn everything FUCK

>>17518517

Introspection usually brings some kind of pain, but know that your sincerity is a strength.

I don't really know how that helps, if at all. But it's something I appreciate in a person more than anything.

>>17519272
Stop whining about shit that doesn't matter and get up and do something else in the meantime. No wonder you get so mad about wiminz not replying fast enough when all you do is sit and count the minutes between messages.
Also, if a girl doesn't reply for ages (and is interested in you) it's likely because she's nervous, have social anxiety, need time to think about what to say and/or because they, unlike you, have a life outside of a fucking chat conversation. The "thrill of the chase bullshit" is all in your head, humans don't work like that in real life.

>>17518190

Work with animals

Sometimes I think I have borderline personality disorder, BUT I have a tendency to self-diagnose so I take it with a grain of salt.

My emotions are always out of whack. Something small can make me very upset, angry or (more commonly) anxious. For example, today I got an assignment back from a certain class. It was a journal about our goals in college so I wholeheartedly put my goals and wants on it. I got it back today with a "make sure it's a full page or I'll deduct points next time". I felt personally offended for something that trivial. She said one page, but never clarified one FULL page. It ruined my entire day.

Another example is a couple days ago when I felt like nobody would like me when a girl that said hi to me everyday didnt. It makes me feel really pathetic when I get this emotional over things, and especially as a guy I feel like I should be more stoic. Not to mention my identity problems and how I either idealize or shame other people and rarely anywhere in the middle.

I should just see a therapist.

>>17519770
BPD is about your reactions to people, not situations. Someone who is borderline will love someone one day and hate them the next for basically no reason.

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>>17519782
Well, all my big reactions involve people. If its just something involving myself and doesn't involve people at all, I brush it off easily.
For example, my phone broke but it never really bothered me. Even when something like my laptop breaks, it doesn't bother me.
But when someone doesn't reply when I tell them happy birthday over social media, I get really upset

Unless that's what you mean about situations. You make a good point though.

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That feel when you're a loser and although you're attractive and interesting enough to get a date, you're not something worth having long term because your hobbies include YouTube, anime, and 4chan, and haven't gone to school in years.

Went to speed dating and found someone I'm really interested in. At age 23 they already have a plan for everything, even retirement. I'm 27 and I've got nothin'. Fuck this, I'm not dragging another one down in the dirt with me...

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A AAAAAA MY WEE WEE

AAAAAA AAAA MY JO BUZUNIS WINKUS!!!

It's PRETTY Big AAAAAA WINKUS

im sick of making dinner just so you can complain becauses its not exactly how you wanted it. im fucking trying you ungrateful asshole. heres an idea, why dont you make dinner!

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I did it.
I buried them in Hampton Bays.

man im feeling anxious, and everyone keeps ignoring me. im so sick of this feeling!

>>17519919
I know this feeling very well, would you like to talk about it?

>>17519919
well, i try to start a convo with a friend and i always get interrupted by another anon. they continue on about what he said and its like i dont even exist. i try to join in on convo and they both look at me like im dumb.

>>17519525
I've seen God, I endured the emptiness of space and saw Orion's belt. For years after I felt inconsequential, I felt alone and could never attach myself. Then I met someone who knew my plight, understood the futility. Now, while I still see the pointless nature of our isolated existence, I've resolved my issues. You have to grab life by the balls, take joy in the simple things, because one day you'll bump into someone, or an idea and it'll shatter your ego again. Life is a rollercoaster, some parts are scary, others exhilarating and at the end of it all, we all leave by the same exit. Make your choice anon, do you want to experience life like your shit on someone's shoe?

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>facebook: you have a bajillion notifications, messages, etc, ... 1 friend request
Who the hell wants to be facebook friends with me?
Nobody even knows my name!
Guess i should go check it, but then i have to actually reply to all the people that messaged me.

>>17519528
Go for it. Your post sounds like the stories i've heard from married couples about how they first got together.

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Made a thread about this earlier.

From Germany while i am half black always considered myself a German and proud of it. Move to america and face discrimination by blacks. Called sellout,house nigger, master's favorite lightskin nigger etc.why are you trying to be white or why you working so hard in school were constant questions. Not being from the united states i guess i never adopted a victim mentality. I'm normally a quiet person and people say i should speak to others more. But the constant put downs from people who claim racism from others but are quick to hurl racial slurs at me doesn't make me eager to socialize.

>nigger
>german
choose one

>>17520020
I feel ya. People say "nigger" is a slur, but i've never thought of it that way. "Nigger"'s just a word.
"Uncle Tom" is a slur. "House nigger", "race traitor", those are slurs.

Those shits just want to drag you down with them. Crab mentality. They don't want to see you succeeding when they all failed.They want to believe success is impossible, that they got as far as they could. But when they see you, it's like a slap in the face. It proves all that shit wrong. They can't handle that.

Don't let it get to you.

If I could go back in time and tell something to my younger self it would be "I'm sorry I let you die".

>>17520115
You should look up what a slur is because you've got it backwards.

>>17520018
I don't think I can man. Fuck I'm having a small panic attack just thinking about the amount of stress a relationship would add to my life if she said yes or the awkwardness if she says no.

maybe I'm taking this too seriously, how do I flirt nonchalantly? I wasn't nervous about interacting with her at all until I really saw the chance to pursue something. I gotta test the waters or something before I act, its only day 2 of classes tonight

>>17520141
You're a ghost?

>>17517902
If dubs I'll double text after 3 months lmao

>>17520141
Spoooooookyyyy

>>17520162
Phew I forgot this was a slow board lol

>>17519993

You gotta stand up to them, say what the fuck guys

My roommate is possibly the worst person I've ever met.

I hope she dies alone, preferably out in the middle of nowhere where no one can hear her scream for help.

I'm diagnosed as schizotypal and bipolar. And if I have to compare it to all the other mental health issues out there I have to say this is probably one of the worst combination of disorders you can have.

You long to have deep genuine connections and real friendships with other people like any normal person. But tragically at the same time, you feel like you can't really connect with people or develop a close relationship with anyone. This is because the schizotypal disorder makes you have this nervousness around other people that never goes away no matter how long you've known them. It's maddening.

Right now I have deep fears of hanging out with anybody on a 1 on 1 basis.I worry my nervousness and inability to really get along well with them will be noticed and eventually bother them and they won't like being around me anymore. I have had people get upset with me while I was spending time with them because they said they thought I wasn't having a good time so I know people notice it. It's such a lonely miserable disorder.

And this is without even touching what the bi polar disorder is doing to me. Try having issues with people like this ON TOP of feeling suicidal and like shit for no reason sometimes. It is absolutely retarded. I never would kill myself though but the suicidal feelings are there.

And to top it all off , ever since I have started this new medication i'm taking I feel very emotionally repressed on it. Its much harder to get me to laugh at anything anymore. My sex drive is almost gone. I would have to win the lottery for me to feel like I was having an "OK" day.

And i'm still a virgin and getting close to my 30s.

And i still have much more to say on what this mental disorder does to me but i'll just cut it short here.

>>17520259
Ok

Life is pointless. I should have killed myself years ago so why didn't I? Is self preservation really that strong?

>>17520293
Maybe because you're going to find your point of life soon.

>>17520293
Self-preservation is shit
If one day i need to cut myself to save my life i think i will fail
Fuck that shit the pain i cause myself hurts much more than the same thing but with somebody doing it
Fuck that shit
Doing good stuff for me that hurts is a chore
Fuck having to cooldown
Fick that shit

So today I got an unexpected gift.
My parents decided to give me my first car, I wasn´t expecting anything like that since my birthday is 1 month away. I know they did it because they got tired of driving and that I'll be the one doing the chores now but come on, it's my car, my first car.
I should feel happy.
I remember how much I talked with my bff about how our lives would be easier with a car, about all the restaurants and bars we would visit together, the adventures we would share forever.
Just hit the road and don't stop.
I should feel happy, but I don't.
I don't feel happy because my bff, my only true friend, ditched me some weeks ago.

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>>17520330

I want to hug you. I can somewhat relate. I'm this anon
>>17519509
That's awful that someone you cared about, left. It hurts, and it's something people shouldn't have to feel.

>>17520259
>schizotypal and bipolar
Anon, the moment i read this i thought "wait, what". Did two different psychiatrists diagnose you with one of them each?
Because usually, cases like yours are diagnosed as schizoaffective, which is basically a combination of schizotypal and bipolar. It unites all the symptoms into a more coherent syndrome.
If 1 psych diagnosed you with both, did they talk to you about schizoaffective at all, give any reasons why it didn't fit?

>I worry my nervousness and inability to really get along well with them will be noticed and eventually bother them and they won't like being around me anymore.
Keep in mind that this isn't true for everyone. Some people don't mind at all, some don't (can't) notice, and others understand because they feel the same way.

>And to top it all off , ever since I have started this new medication i'm taking I feel very emotionally repressed on it. Its much harder to get me to laugh at anything anymore. My sex drive is almost gone. I would have to win the lottery for me to feel like I was having an "OK" day.
What medication? Make sure to tell your doctor about everything that you experience while on it, both good and bad. The goal is to make you feel and function better, and the meds are used to help with that. If they're not doing that, they should be changed.

And feel free to vent as much as you want. There are a lot of people here dealing with the same shit, it's good to find some camaraderie in such a lonely situation.

People need to spank their bad ass kids

>>17517902
FUCK THAT SHITTY SHIT FUCKING SHIT THATB FICK
FIFK UOTIOOS BITCH MOTHERFICKER GAYBAASS PINK FUCK YOU ALL BITCHES MOETHERFUCKWRS

i just want to stay with her, but i'm too much of a beta
i've known her for so long, but i still can't talk to her about my feelings
i want to kill myself

I'm on the train home wearing white overalls. I'm really nervous cause I think my period is starting right now. Fuck.

>>17520340

Feels truly bad
I spend 8 years with my bff before everything went to hell
But sometimes there's nothing to be done, it's just over. And you need to move on, even if it costs/hurts a lot

If there is one thing that I want right now, it is for a chance at essentially a do over with her. Knowing what I know now, I am confident that it would work out with us, if a do over occured

>>17520397

I feel like I can do things to fix this, I know I can. I feel like not doing anything is worse. This whole thing is so stupid... And I'm sorry you lost your best friend of 8 years, I hope you feel better

>>17520411

You still have hope then.
If you feel like you can fix it then do it, try it.
And thanks anon

>>17520383
Do you have something you can cover you bottom with? Thin sweater, Cardigan?

>>17517902

I want to make $7500 in 3 months.

>>17520442
I do. But they're brand new overalls and stuff. And my underwear is light colored. I'm like 20 minutes away from home and I just know it's happening cause I'm starting to feel ill. I am so irritated!

>>17520422

I'm going to try, I tried once but I think I can try at least one more time.

>>17520447

>Sunday
>August 29th

Boi it was the 28th

i asked him out holy shit i actually did it and i was so embarrassed but i fucking asked him out and he said yes what the actual fuck oh my god

>>17520454

When I get my period and don't have pads or tampons, I temporarily use a bundle of toilet paper like a pad, fold it and put in between you and your panties. It might stop the blood

>>17520447
Whybdid yo delete that paot it aas fubby

>>17520447
He saw you in person and realized he had made a mistake.
I'm sorry, anon. It's happened to me too.
People create these fantasies in their heads when they only interact digitally. When they meet up in person, boom. The illusion is shattered.

>>17520469
I'm happy for you, anon. Hope it works out.

>>17520518
thank you anon! i was seriously having a shitty day but seeing him just instantly made it disappear. i hope it works out, too!

>>17520519

(I'm a different anon)
You got balls, hon. I wish I was brave enough to approach a boy like that

I hate that everybody , including you, thinks that your problems are more important than mine and that you always come first and I secretly resent you for it

>>17520523
oh god but he made it so easy, and the timing was finally right. I believe in you, I never thought I'd be able to say I asked him out, but here I am!!

>>17520547
Thank you anon, I hope your new relationship blossoms into something quite beautiful

>>17520555
You type a like a gay guy. Also, how can you expect people to respect you if you don't go after what you want?

>>17520560

What? Dude I'm a girl. And where's the respect thing coming from?

>>17520568
I know you are a girl.
You can't ask someone out.

>>17520555
thank you, i hope so too! at least, something!!
>>17520560
easy, it's not easy for us all to go after what we want. too many times I sat back and let it pass me by. not anymore.

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>>17520573

Oh frick, bamboozled again

When they're your best friend, and you definitely didn't like them at first, but the closer you get the more you can't stop thinking about them.

When you thought that they were unattractive, but the more you like them the more you think they're absolutely adorable.

When you used to cuddle all the time and it meant nothing, and now you never really do anymore and you can't help wondering if it's because things have changed.

When they are constantly joking about you being together, and asking if you're dating, and being in love and living together, and you can't stand being the loser that wishes the jokes were a little true.

When they are going to drive hours to see you before school and it makes your heart jump a little, but you're probably not excited for the same reason as they are.

When you tell yourself that you can do "better" but know that right now you don't want "better."

And, finally, when you have trouble being in touch with your feelings and hate sharing them and will probably not talk about any of this.

RIP my source of emotional stability

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I kinda hate how bothered i am by other people's senseless hatred of each other. seeing other people glad that someone they didn't like died rubs me the wrong way and almost makes me depressed. i dunno. maybe i'm just a pussy.

>>17519574
It's difficult to tolerate for much longer. It's like the most useless distraction and unjustified envy. If I was ever hoping something would come of it, or if there were grounds for this to be a reasonable crush, it'd be tolerable. But it's pointless, nothing will ever come of it and it really needs to pass

Race is real. It is more than just skin color. There have been many studies, like the minnesota adoption study, that show this.
To think that all races can live together in harmony is a pipe dream, and the exact opposite of "diversify".

>>17521024
*diversity

>>17520875

i know these feels

I'm concerned for a friend who may or may not be aware how their actions lately has been causing strain on our current friend group and I'm afraid it'll just eventually erupt into a fight or something. I want to get them to realize before it can even come to this, but that's a hard thing to do when I could still possibly be a cause for this behavior....It's something others aren't aware of since it was a pretty personal affair that happened between us and we both have a silent agreement of not letting anyone know or be dragged into, but if their lingering bitterness is the reason why this has been getting seemingly worse lately, then I'm not sure how much longer it'll be til everything just comes tumbling down if nothing is done........

My crazy girlfriend, I seriously miss you. Hopefully I see you within two weeks.

>>17521037
Did you do anything anon

I'm in a committed relationship that I jumped way too quickly into because he's somewhat similar to the man I am actually in love with.
Now the man I'm actually in love with is back and I fucked him yesterday and lied to my boyfriend about it before leaving to do so.
The man I love doesn't want a relationship because he's getting deployed and I guess was never too into me.
So my boyfriend is a last resort I'm using to compensate for what I'll never have.

>>17517902
I am 27 years old.
Useless bachelor's degree.
~$17k in defaulted student loan debt.
Jobless for over a year.
Nobody wants to hire me. I get interviews but never get the job, I used to never have this problem.
I could have had a job a year ago but said fuck it, wound up never getting past the interview since.
The above is all my fault and only became apparent as a grave error in retrospect.
I'm a eunuch.
I have no health insurance.
I have this constant lack of motivation and energy and desire to do things.
I physically look like a faggot (I'm not one) and live in a very red state.
I don't want to kill myself but don't want to deal with this titanic unfucking I must do.
I just want a fucking job so I can start patching shit back up but I can't get one.

>>17518826
Stop being a pussy dude just hit her up

>>17521198
You are such a cunt. What are you going to do if he becomes available in the future.....leave your boyfriend. Do you have any idea how much that kills a man. To find out that, after years, you were always in love with someone else and to have your plans for a future together suddenly cease to exist. All because a new guy is in the picture (who wasn't new at all).


If you want advice break up now. Even if you can't be with the other guy. Don't get into a committed relationship while you are in love with someone else.

Only stay with him if you know that you won't feel anything for the other guy if he suddenly becomes an available option.

>>17521275
Why the fuck should that unforgivable slut stay with him? She should leave him immediately. That shit is why people hate women.

Is it a good idea to call and ask permission to go to a shopping centre I'm banned from?
I stole from there a few months ago, honestly such a vile act and I know it was a terrible thing to do, it wasn't even things I needed it was just such a low point in my life where everything was terrible for me and I'm glad I was caught cause it definitely pushed me in the right direction and I appreciate them putting a ban in place
But they're the only place showing a movie I want to see next week. People are telling me just to wear a beanie and glasses and go straight into the cinemabut I feel really anxious about it. It's at 9pm so I think it wouldn't be too suspicious but idk. I would feel more comfortable calling and asking but what do you think my chances are?

>>17521286
Just go there. If staff raises shit just leave lol

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>>17521231
>constant lack of motivation and energy and desire to do things

Well there's your problem..

>>17521293
Not really. One of my other problems is causing that problem, and another is intensifying it. On top of this I'm not so lacking as to not apply for jobs and take interviews.

I think brother-sister incest is the hottest thing

I fantasize frequently about finding my long lost sister and fucking the shit out of her and filling her up with my cum.

So mad my parents never concieved a girl

I just want to live like I'm 26. That's not a lot to ask. And I hate that you have me so fucked up.

Everything was fine but you couldn't leave it alone and now I want what I can't have and you've destroyed my favorite escape because I associate it with you now.

Maybe that's good. Maybe it'll get me out of my house and head instead of wasting away in party chat wishing I was elsewhere.

>>17519526
Uh oh, anon. I remember having the same kind of bullshit happen with my ex. But it because I wasn't attractive to someone else. Yeah I know you have a boner. I don't give a shit about your boner.

Right? Watch your ass.

This girl is messaging me randomly after neither of us talking for a while

I had a major crush and she was in a bad spot when I asked her out, so she rejected me and said she felt terrible about it etc. Didn't buy it, went no contact. Girl never messages me anyway, so I doubt she noticed/cared.

She just messaged me for the first time today. As in, her messaging me first to just ask what's up etc.

I caved and responded after like 2 hours and just said "Nothing much."

It's been like 6 hours since I sent the message and she hasn't even read it yet according to facebook, and she's last online 16 minutes ago.

Thought I was over this middle school shit.

Still have no idea why she messaged me, and I'm really hoping it's not just her trying to regain my friendship - we never had a "text each other every so often" relationship, she never texted me.

I feel like shit, today was such a good day too.

You got ill and died when i needed you most

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i fucked up and checked her profile. i know i'm a piece of work but goddamn. i've never been fake. im kind of hoping he beats her and fucks other girls. also i wish she drives off of one of the plenty cliffs shithole erie, pa has.

I hate working from home sometimes, alone
I only went out quickly to get breakfast, and was up early. My boyfriend had a lay-in and I didn't mind, he needed it. I get home, and he's gone out. I don't know who's making tea yet. Feeling a bit down

You've been playing since what... 10pm last night? wtf?!! You have fucking exams this month! What the hell?! And the you complain about your mom yelling at you but honestly I second her this time.

I blame my father(and by proxy his mother and his grandfather) for my mental illness. Even if it isn't an illness... it is a serious problem that has affected me since kindergarten.
I blame my uncle for orchestrating my birth.

And I hate the fact that everything was done out of stupidity and greed. Not even an intelligent form of malevolence. That's the cherry on the cake that irks me off and drives me for revenge rather than justice. Perhaps if there was a cure for me I could forgive everything, but there is no such thing, so I objectively cannot.

If I can raise my power enough for just a day. They will regret it for more than 90 years. I will use the world's money just keep these idiots alive till they suffer for every misfortune they have ignorantly and proudly given me. They're worse than insects.

I want to be with you! I know you can seeee it

Oh, and just for the record, the person I'm talking about is not Y. But I don't see the reason to specify who I'm NOT talking about over there, so I'll just vent that here. Y and V are nothing more than people I share some interests with, but I have an odd crush on Y for no particular reason that I hope passes soon, V is just someone I talk to every now and then and has an interesting taste in analogies so it's entertaining

There's a girl I've gone out with once. We've hit it off, I think, but I'm not sure. After that first date, she suggested a second, and I tried contacting her to make that plan a bit more certain/concrete, but she hasn't gotten back to me. I don't know if it's because she actually has no intention of seeing me again, or maybe she's just busy/etc. So how do I stop being such a desperate, needy, weirdo?

I also don't know why she would agree to go out with me at all, but that's a whole different load of shit.

>>17521475
I don't buy into the whole beta and alpha thing but damn be a bit more forthcoming, how can you expect any girl to like you like literally that was so creepy I'm getting shivers

Gdi I just keep thinking about yesterday and smiling like a jackass and god how red was my face? So red. Everything about it was just so good and I really look forward to seeing him again. Ohmygod

What we are doing isn't healthy.

I am lonely.

I finally learn to walk again

>>17518944
what's your plan

No struggles in life at all. I haven't liked a girl in a long time. I didn't even like them back then T B H. I'm fit, attractive and social, but I never invest in anyone. I'm not of an ill-heart, I don't hate them, but I don't like them much. I wonder if it's me or them, but I know I'll end up alone. The sad part is that I don't mind it. I'd love a girlfriend but I have no image of how she would be. A romantic answer would be: "You'd know when you meet her," but I was never the romantic, spare me.

>>17518992
This has happened twice in my life, and I believe you are making the correct choice.

Oddly enough, both serious relationships lasted five years, with a five year gap.

The first broke me for years. It was difficult to take anything seriously, and I kept women around briefly.

The second broke through my walls, and convinced me that she was different. She wasn't, and I will never make this mistake again.

>>17520377
If you don't take risks you'll never be happy.

>>17521506
Just keep yourself occupied, talk to other girls.
Girls ghost guys after a first date all the time, even if they kissed them etc.

ALEE, I just want to laugh with you so bad. Your fucking smile just melts my heart.

-Y

>>17521286
Most store clerks aren't keeping track of "banned people" for shit, they just say so to maintain a proffessional facade. Unless it's a small store and you've been caught stealing several times.

>>17521289
It was security from the shopping centre who caught and banned me and basically said if I'm seen there again my parents will have to collect me. Awkward especially late at night
>>17521856
I feel like they would though idk. They photographed my photo ID but it's got a reaaaally outdated picture of me on it but I have a very recognisable hairstyle now.... Idk what to do
I'm feeling like I should write a sappy email to their management and hope for the best
Alternatively how could I best disguise myself?

I like you a lot K, but we aren't anything serious so don't you dare get mad at me when I go out with M this weekend. Unlike you she seems to want to hang out with me and doesn't just make plans and bail.

I feel like a loser

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>>17521844
same feel here

i'll just add this

Dammit why are you the only person in the school that doesn't want to hang out with anyone, please i already asked you 3 times, and while it was true that you had other things to do those days you could have at least come with me and the other half of the class last night for some pizza

everyone had fun there and you just went home to sleep

i know school is important but we are all young and i really want to see you smile

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>>17521975
>tfw nobody is upset when i do that

>>17518526
same brah

I'm incredibly lonely despite the fact that I know that's not true.

I woke up this morning just wishing that I was in a relationship, regardless of the fact of whether or not I'm ready for one. I know I'm lucky when it comes to women, but lately okcupid and other websites have been making me more depressed than not.

idk what to do, I don't have any friends that are in the area that I can spend time with actively and it just sucks.

I wish I had the courage to meet up with the guys I've matched with on tinder (no homo)

I feel creatively dried up. I haven't written a good song in months.

I'm stuck in a rut. I've been seeking new employment, but so far to no avail.

I waited to long to ask her/him out and now s/he already has plans.

I drink way to much and I'm too afraid to quit on the off chance I get DTs.

a girl is flirting with me and I hate it but i;m too beta to tell her I'm not interested

I know stress and lack of sleep are slowly killing me and messing up my body, but I feel like I can't do anything about it. At this point I'm so messed up I don't have the energy to correct the things that are causing me stress. I just keep telling myself that it's ok and I don't care what happens to me and hoping that gets me through. Someday I'm going to have a real breakdown, and I don't what will become of me then.

Ever since you removed yourself from my life I've been feeling empty. You did it to not further hurt me but all it did was turn me into a wreck. I love you. I miss you. I honestly don't want to continue life like this. Please come back.

>>17521605
No it wasnt. Be nice. A straight forward person is a breathe of fresh air.

>>17522149
I agree it's not creepy. I feel the same about a guy I just went on a date with, not sure if he wants to see me again..

All of these comments are so depressing..
I don't want to end up like the other people here, but I feel like I might if I don't do something about it now. That's what i gotta do. I gotta find my sweet spot in life.

I have this feeling the person I met over tinder goes on 4chan.

>>17521275
Nothing I don't deserve to hear. I understand that. I'm just still unsure of how I really feel. And now I feel like I moved too fast in this new relationship and I can't leave now because I'm stuck with it.

>>17521626
Why is that?

String cheese is great!

>>17522273
>waahh waahh I moved too fast
No, you're a manipulative slut, a disgusting sack of shit with no conscience. You knew damn well you didn't want him. You sound a lot like my old roommate, did you get with this guy you have literally cucked because he has money? Cmon don't lie, we already know you're not attracted to him. You've already told us what you have, may as well be honest the rest of the way.

If you want to redeem yourself or do the right thing there is only one thing you can do. Dump the guy you're with. But we both know you are a stupid slut who is going to stay with him for the money and temporary convenience, so why do I even try?

I only get excited when I understand people and they understand me, the kind of feeling that needs less and less words over time. I feel kind of pathetic when the only times I get this kind of emotion is when I'm speaking to workmates about a project or plan.

It's been too long since I felt something like that at a personal level, my last relationship lacked those kinds of moments too (communication issues) and the only time I feel a little spark of that is when I talk with a girl friend that only looks me as a friend, I'm not depressed by that, I'm grateful for meeting a person like her. The problem is that I'm afraid I want to find a girl with her personality traits that in a summarized version is "not a self-centered person" but chances look grim.

Also I'm terrified of my ex-gf, I'm terrified of indifference and she was a master at it, she left me for another guy and never sensed any trace of guilt or remorse about anything she did to me (read Berserk? just like Griffith during the eclipse ritual). I feel like her personality is a nemesis of my personality, a representation of all the things I fear in human nature.

>>17522351
He doesn't even have a job so it's not for money. I initially thought I liked him. That I was getting over other guy after about 7 years of being in love with him. I'm not going to sit here and blame anything on my BPD as I'm aware that I'm a piece of trash with no regard for others. But I should be on meds. I know what's best for me is to be with no one at all. But I'm sure that won't happen since I'm emotionally reliant on others. Isn't this an advice forum? You don't need to be a shithead to someone who already knows theyre trash. At this point, you're just getting off by being a dick.

>>17522485
>>17522485
It's the advice forum of 4chan.org, what else did you expect? It's nothing but a bunch of pissed off fedora wearing faggots who love tearing into a woman any chance they get.

>>17522485
Wait, wait, wait, wait.

You liked the guy for 7 years and did nothing, only to act when you were with someone else? This makes no sense at all.

>>17522513
Long story.
Basically he and I were best friends for a few years, then I fell for him, so I tried with him for about a year before he finally decided to give me a chance. He was pretty fucked in the head and immature back then and dated me for about two weeks before randomly saying bye to me and blocking me on everything. Hadn't heard from him in 4 years. He unblocked me and started talking to me again 3 weeks ago. I never stopped loving him. He wanted to only hook up but when I saw him for the first time in years the other day, he didn't seem like hooking up was all he wanted. This current relationship is only 2 weeks in.

>>17522535
I know nothing about BPD but since you want advice, i'll give some.

This relationship won't last and either one of you will cheat (of not both) because you don't have stability in your lives.
Try to become a stable person (control yourself) and leave your bad habits behind. And don't lie to yourself and create excuses and justifications.

I fucking do everything for you, I helped you get into school, I helped you through hard times with your family. I have been your fucking rock for more then a year and all you fucking do is take and take. Fuck you! I had enough of your constant bullshit and childish attitude, all I keep wondering is what the fuck I did to you to make you just fucking hate me. I mean every time we talk its like I am putting fucking nails in my ears, bc if I ask you fucking anything about your life. You immediately have to go because you"can't talk or more" or "you'll text me later". Why don't you just fucking tell me the god damn truth for once instead of everything being such a fucking cat and mouse game with you. FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU! God fucking dammit

Thanks OP feel tons better

Why do I always like the chase more than the girl?

>>17521236
It's one of those situations where logic would dictate that it would be best to hold out until I see her again in person.

For once, I'm the one that's doing better than communicating in this relationship.
How to do it? DON'T SAY NOTHING IS WRONG WHEN THERE IS CLEARLY SOMETHING WRONG

Stop this fucking BULLSHIT! You two are acting like retards! I'll be fucking waiting for you guys when you're done with your childish bullshit. And I don't even know if that will ever end.

I fucking love you.
This "I like you a lot", "I adore you" bullshit is driving me insane.
Why can't you say it? We both know we're in love. Just fucking say it, and let's get over it.

You're starting to feel more like my roommate who doesn't pay the rent at this point. Shit needs to change or you can kick rocks.

I shouldn't be so terrified of something that might not even happen, but here I am. What I'm scared of is not only the thing happening, but also the person doing that thing despite knowing that I'm uncomfortable with it.

I'm not sure how I'll react if it does happen.

>>17522657
Why don't you say it first, anon-kun?

I hope your situation improves, Y. I also hope I stop feeling like I am right now, this is really useless

I don't know why I still think about him. Sure we were together for 5 years, but I finally broke free. He was abusive and manipulative, and I've found someone who is everything he was not. They're not romantic thoughts, either. Just a casual image of him pops up in my head at the most random times and I just wonder whether or not he's even sorry for the way he treated me. Even if he's not it's not like it would matter. Sometimes I catch myself bypassing a pair of shorts or a tight t-shirt because I can hear him call me a useless slut from the back of my head. He's not even around to control my life anymore, and yet I'm controlling myself in his place. I don't know what to do. I want him to leave me alone.

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Is a year or so gap in employment that big of a deal? I hope not. I've had long gigs at two places, one going over five years, but this past year or so I just fell into a depression and couldn't find the drive to find work.

I really hope I get a call back from somewhere. I've been applying like a madman. I really, really need to get a job to get out of this NEET life. I used to be picky but now I'll take any mcjob at any pay just so I can save up. I'm going insane at home and finally hit the breaking point with my bank account hitting $0.00 along with other shit.

The upside is I guess I have a drive now to get out of here and improve myself. I've even gone back to old hobbies and started hiking and cycling again since I don't have the money for vidya, drugs or booze anymore.

>>17522796

I have heard that some people who have suffered abuse from partners, feel that way. I think you may want to talk to a therapist, they're more experienced with this. I wish I knew how to help, but the most I can say is that I hope you talk to someone close to you about this, or a therapist, either one can help.

>>17522727
Because I agreed to "move at their pace" and let them initiate things, since they just came out of a really long term, troubled relationship.
So I'm stuck saying shit like "I really like you".

>>17522843
How long have you been dating?

>>17522826
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Power_and_control_in_abusive_relationships

>>17522850
Around 9 months.
We're very happy. I've never been so compatible with someone. I feel amazingly loved and I spend a lot of time and energies to make them feel good. I know this is the person I'm going to grow old with. I knew it after three dates, fuck.
And I also can totally understand why we're moving so slow - they just came out of a 10 years relationship which was a bit abusive and emotionally unhealthy.
It is just frustrating, I feel like I'm imploding sometimes - I just want to say it.
But, it's fine. Totally worth it.

I love you so much, and was so scared of the whole thing falling apart, and I want this to work more than anything in the world

>>17522872
It's possible she's dying tell you her feelings but she's afraid of rejection. You've been dating for a considerable amount of time, so if you say it first she might be appreciative and relieved.
Maybe on your first anniversary–if you can recall which day it is–plan a special evening with her. Something light and intimate, like cooking dinner together and watching movies. If the mood feels right, tell her how you feel. Take your time and build up to it, and maybe she'll say it first.

I dunno anon, go with your gut feel.

>>17522904
I do remember the day. It is the day after my best friend's birthday so it's not really hard to remember.

I'll figure something out, it's just frustrating right now. I kind of want to tell them, but then again I don't want to just go against something they explicitly asked me.
Thanks for the kindness, anyway.

>>17518105
The truth.

I planned my first vacation months ago, and I was so excited. Now I have to cancel it because I just lost my job. Just fucking kill me now.

>>17523190

Cheer up anon, I am sure things will look up for you.

I just want a cigarette. I just want to quit my job and live off of my savings for a while. I'm tired of doing what people expect of me instead of doing what I want to do.

I'm in a stupid situation of my own creation. I just have to tell this dude I don't want to see him anymore. I don't even have to go into detail about it. Literally all I have to say is "I don't see a future with you, our personalities clash, and I think it's best if we go our own ways" but for some reason I just went with the "I'm mad at everything" (I am) and "I don't know when I'll feel better" (I don't)

I can't tell him it's because I have a slim chance of getting with someone I really fucking like. I feel shitty enough, but this was never serious. It's literally just sex and a little bit of cuddling and even now he's got a job and some money flowing in, it hasn't changed. I want more than sex, or at least I want the chance for it.

I have a connection with this other guy, it seems, and I'm just freaking out because so much other shit is going on and I'm stressed and I just want it to be tomorrow night already.

>>17523220
If i were you i would tell him exactly this:
>i don't see a future with you, our personalities clash, and I think it's best if we go our own ways

>>17523228
okay! I will, then, as soon as I feel like I can call and do it. Women are fickle anyway, hopefully he won't be terribly injured over it. thank you, anon!

>>17523254
>women are fickle
Try not to be

Write it down and keep it in front of you so you don't say another thing instead

Everybody in this thread needs to read some philosophy. And not new shit either. Like get the Tao Te Ching and the Bhagavad Gita and the Enchiridion. This shit really helps, I'm serious. I haven't read the second two yet, but the Tao Te Ching is a somewhat confusing guide to living contentedly, the Bhagavad Gita talks all about purpose (with a Hindu caste slant) and the Enchiridion is all Stoicism. This could really help you guys.

>>17523295
Philosophy should be given more importance on schools.

>>17523194
Thanks, I hope so. I always hear when one door closes, another one opens, but the wait sure is awful.

>>17523280
good idea.
for the first time in my life, I feel like I'm no longer going to be fickle. the other guy? I really, really like him. perfect-to-me sort of thing.
I'll take that advice, thanks again!

>>17523429
Good luck

>>17522485
No, I'm giving you very solid advice here:
Dump him, not for you, but for him, and in the future don't act like that, for the sake of -others-, a concept entirely foreign to you, seeing as you seem to constantly come up with excuses and blame your shittyness on other things. It is entirely in your control, and you should steer yourself away from being a shitty person. It will do wonders for your well-being. It's not BPD's fault you are a cheating whore. It's your fault. But you'll always have an excuse
>muh BPD
>I need meds but I can act like a soulless whore until then and it's okay because I know I'm a soulless whore
>muh emotional reliance
If you really emotionally relied on him you wouldn't be fucking other guys behind his back. I'm not being a shithead here, you're the shithead for being such trash. Pointing out the fact that you are a shithead in no way makes me one.

For every moment you spend with that guy, you are becoming an even worse person. You came to an advice forum. The advice: for the sake of yourself but primarily others, dump him. Find a new guy you're actually into, not just one of convenience. Then proceed with the relationship with that new guy and don't be a cheating whore on him. Maybe go get meds, but don't act like not having them is why you cheat. You cheat because you're shit. The only way to make yourself not shit is to make amends; confess what you did and why you did it, break up with him, find someone new you actually like, and don't cheat again. That's how you better yourself.

>>17522182
This shit isn't depressing. Most of the people here are normal, happy people. Some are just going through a bit of a rough spot, but it'll pass.
You want to hear some depressing shit?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7OqwKfgLaeA
I have the same relationship with my father. Talked to him on the phone the other day. It was more silence than conversation. Neither of us really had anything to say. He just wanted to hear my voice, and i just wanted to be left the hell alone. I only pick up out of respect for him, i don't respond to anyone else.
Was just thinking, it's good i'll never have any kids. Not sure what the hell possessed him to do it. At any rate, whatever's wrong with us will end with me, and that'll be it.

Most people are just here to bitch about girls, and they'll get over it eventually.

>>17521696
Yeah, I think I am. The person I'm running from has made plans to hurt me in the past and has admitted that deep inside he'd always hate me, so it seems really risky. I loved him a lot though. Shame.

>>17522511
You're either a beta male or a slut yourself.
If you're a guy, congrats, you're more beta than a literal eunuch.
>>17522535
Only 2 weeks in? Just end it now before it gets worse, seriously, you don't want to dig yourself a big fat hole.
Maybe that guy will wait for you after his deployment and you can get with him.

>>17523295
Hey, this really helped me, could you post more things?
and links

trichotillomania is taking over

>>17518360
This.

People just want to shower themselves with the idea that only screw-ups that dwell in their misery allow bad shit to happen when really it's more likely that people who want to put their best foot forward, project positivity and all that feel good nonsense get burned a little more often then they ought to be.

Some people are either born lucky, sheltered as fuck or developed some kind of Mr. Peanutbutter level of delusion, trying to avert any negativity even if it carries a bit of truth in it.

>>17523654
I never post but this is very well-written, thank you for the insight. Can you post more? I don't care if it's long, I need it right now and I think more people would appreciate some teachings tonight too.

Personally feeling pretty wrecked.

I masturbated to the idea of someone I've been acquainted with online and later dreamt of doing a woman in a hijab then woke up with a massive boner.

I'm non-religious and was raised Christian.

>>17523654

>Mr. Peanutbutter level of delusion, trying to avert any negativity even if it carries a bit of truth in it

It's called coping you hypocritical fuck. JFC

I love my car.
I tested out an updated version of the model before I got it, got a more bare bones version of it.
I really wasn't that impressed with the updated model like I just needed to get somewhere.
Now that I'm getting familiar with it, things have gone WRONG. In retrospect some of these things were already happening but the problem is their exaggerated to a real problem. I know a lot of people that are amazing with fixing stuff but the most experienced mechanic I know already took a look under the hood of this thing before once and isn't familiar with it.
There's small things wrong with it that now bigger things are going wrong I'm wondering why I didn't try to fix sooner. I really don't want to give this thing up because some of the technology is sort of different from conventional stuff but is really fucking awesome when it works. I'm a little bit worried about money or I would of fixed the smaller things first and in retrospect of my habits I could of afforded it. Now a major thing popped up and I'm worried about losing it if it even can be fixed. Fuck me I wish I was a better mechanic and understood what to recognize with this stuff before major problems I can't fix on my own popped up.

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Anon come back to reality, this is not going to happen, in the first place you don't even need a gf, your life is good you have a lot of friends now and you are doing really well at school, if you keep trying to go for this girl this is what is going to happen

you will go back to your super positive autistic self and maybe you will make her smile and laugh a few times but that's not going to change anything when you ask her out again she is going keep avoiding it, why? becuse no metter how much you have improved recently you are not the most attractive guy in the class, you are not the ugliest but you are also not what she wants, you should already know from your previous failures that this kind of girl wants a tall pseudo-intellectual musician, and you are never going to be able to pull that look and even if you try that's not who you are

if you do this you will just become a joke to her, so forget about her and keep doing what you are doing now, you are doing well so someday i know a girl will actually like you but it wll not be this one or any girl with the same personalilty

I'm passively considering consuming some psychoactive compounds I've historically used to great effect, but are also mentally and physically crippling over time. I feel very calm but as though I'm running in a limited and low power state, I'm trying to unlearn old tendencies but there's nothing worthwhile to replace them.

I don't know how to live and maybe there isn't a way for me. It might be time to wake up.

>>17523668
I just can't seem to grasp the fact that there are people living in this world who think the world's going in a handbasket just because they just now got exposed to the world outside their sheltered, quaint small town lives now that they see some unsavory if not disagreeable people if not acquiring the freedom their parents probably didn't allow to read a goddamn newspaper and realize shit happens to people that aren't them.

I'm not just talking about 3rd world countries or race politics. I mean folks who sometimes make the sacrifice to go without electricity for a few weeks and live on bread sandwiches, or become the "convenient" target for someone to yell at in retail from a supervisor or a client's end despite not being the party at fault or live with sponge roommates who couldn't hold down a job if it was cushy enough to pay them just to show whenever the fuck they pleased.

People try to maintain with all the bullshit they face in their lives and sometimes all the self advocacy and attempts at confidence doesn't account for shit much less change be it minimal or drastic. Change is possible but not necessarily nor always practical. So yes, maybe the steps to make things better aren't impossible but it still takes work to make change and that work means you have to endure a little bit more except the only difference is that you put a carrot in front of your nose to make it apparent there is some kind of goal in sight and getting deterred, is very much a reality. You can get sick (not like the sniffles, the serious stuff), injured, rent can double, you can get laid off, robbed, house goes in up flames. Life's still a dice roll and sometimes the odds of shit happening are greater in some more than others.

>>17523698
No, see coping is when you understand there is a problem and not let the problem own you.
Coping means it's something you can confront or overcome eventually. Delusion is when you pretend the problem only exists if you address it as such.

>>17523753
Okay well I didn't get that because of the big words.. can someone do a version for dumb ppl please

I don't know what I did to get banned

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This site is the only place where I can pursue interests without judgment and these threads the only place I speak uninfluenced.

I cannot wait to find someone better than you Lucille

>>17523648
god i fucking know this feel all too well
i scraped up a literal hairball off my rug just now
i just wish it would stop my hair is so thin and dead and there's so little of it i look like a fucking man or an ugly junkie

I can't believe I'm considering signing up for an arranged marriage just to keep my mother out of debt

like I guess it would be a great act of filial piety, but I always swore I'd die before I sold my body.

dad died ten years ago and mom kiiinda went insane with grief so I dropped out of high school and started to help raise my siblings & do evening college classes. I'm the only one with a stable job.

Fuck. I'm just gonna have to get a second or third job, I guess. I'm not giving up yet.

... But at least the option's there.

... freedom from poverty.

>>17523648
>>17523858

I used to pull my hair a lot, I had to control myself and it helps stop it. It's extremely hard to try to stop it but it gets a bit easier. I practically had a hair ball under my bed and I was so ashamed. I made sure to throw it out and that's when I decided to take control.

>>17523648
The key to stopping any maladaptive behavior is consciously pulling it to the forefront of your mind, setting in place structures to avoid it (or suppress), then letting it fade and slip back into the subconscious. Iterate until the behavior disappears, along with the urge and awareness.

I have trigeminal neuralgia and as the numbness and pain on my face comes and goes I find I have a compulsion to twitch my eye brows, or squint / "blink hard". It's very difficult to stop, and you just have to try. Eventually its "hooks" disappear, as does its presence, and it becomes only a memory.

I hate how retarded you are and how you have to make stupid ass mistakes to learn from when it's just common ass knowledge not to do certain things to people. Stop being such a sneaky bitch too.

Moved into a new apartment and this fridge is so fucking loud, it's driving me nuts! It's right next to my desk!
And the walls are paper-thin so i can't use my old-school bell-ringer alarm clock since it'll wake the entire fucking building.

>>17523717
Tell them this, anon. It's a friend's duty to prevent a dude from wasting their time like that with a girl who just isn't into them.

Detective is investigating me for 'allegedly' threatening to release the 58 GB of home made pr0n I made with my ex-grillfriend unless she had sex with me.

They took my computer to look for our pron to prove that I did in fact have the means to do it.

Jokes on them, I backed everything up on a SSD and stashed it someplace safe.

Detective called me and said he wants to get my side of the story IE. I have a weak case, no evidence and only a confession would lead to you being charged.

God bless America.

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>>17524086

that's actually what the voice in my head is telling me

i don't know why im into this kind of girls, she doesn't hang out with anyone , most of the time she is just there and never says anything while everyone else is talking, but she has the most sincere smile i have ever seen

i've been in this siituation before and no matter how much i talked to the girls or made them laugh i always lost to someone more attractive

this time is a bit different, for once im a bit taller and older than the girl i like, and i got rid of most of the defects i had in the past and now i have a more active social life

i asked her out 3 times already, she had important stuff to do the first 2 times but the third time she just said she wanted to go to home and sleep, so that night i went with the rest of the class for pizza instead

and that makes me think that i should get rid of this chill and direct personality i have developed over the years and go back to being super positive and autistic like i used to be when i talked to other girls years ago

i know it never worked and it is probably not going to work this time but i just want to see that smile again and i know it's going to hurt really bad when i end up seeing her reject me and going out with another guy

I'll never fucking amount to anything

I'll never play music

And the longer I never play it the worse I fucking get

There's just this burning raw uncomfortable feeling in my chest all the damn time and it's not getting better and it never goes away

awh man here comes that depression again

>>17524202
Eat some chocolate if you see no value in going into it.

Not making fun of you either, I'm entirely serious.

>>17524202
Or a couple beers, if you're of the male persuasion.

>>17523748
It seems none of the drugs are doing much of anything. I'm in one of those strange periods again where something that ought to be mechanically impossible becomes reality.

That leaves a very small spectrum of possible causative elements.

>>17523811
That kind of bullshit is valid in face to face conversation, but you're on a computer. Google the words you don't understand, expand yourself.

>>17524214
The advice is for men. I don't know how it works for women.

Beer is running from your problems and won't do shit for depression, in fact, it'll make it worse over time. Chocolate on the other hand is good for unraveling or ignoring your real problems while remaining highly functional. Over the long term this affords a high capacity for good old self delusion.

It borders on asinine how slave people are to cultural tropes. "cocolate iz fur gurl wen depresss XPPPP! I saw it in movies onceeee!!!!!!~~~"
Just grow up.

>>17523677
Tbh I'd put my dick in there too

You're really desperate to get a rise from him. Take a second to remember the exact words he said yesterday when told to calm down and stop reacting

>>17524202
same but it already came yesterday so i'm back on 4chan again

but try to try new things i actually now whenever i feel depressed which happens alot i search for songs or osts

mine for this depression are those
>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cswv6JAdNpQ
>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G0xLvhmUVq4
ik its anime but still makes me feel better

They do not understand me. They cannot understand me. All I want is to be understood.

Found a new girl that I'm interested in. But i fuckin suck at talkin via text messages, thinkin she might loose interest

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i feel like this is slowly happening to me. over time i've completely lost sight of who i am and it's harder and harder for me to even remember what i read or did in a day. i go through days empty like a husk and sometimes read things like five times before i can comprehend the words that are being placed into my brain. i force myself to get through the day at work and i'm empty. i'm not sure what the i is, or what i am, or if i'm a collective delusion dreamed up by a few people. or if i even exist. is this post real?

Since we got together, we need to spend more time together, but it's just another late finish and an early start. I thought we had something, and it hurts but I have to keep my distance. If you don't want to see me anymore, let me know

>>17523887
Are you an anime plot?

Jokes aside, I'm sorry you're in that situation. I wish I could offer some advice, but I have no idea. Marry the guy, divorce, take the money and run? I mean normally that's scummy but I feel like your situation would be the exception.

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Your girlfriend is fucking stupid. We were friends years before you even met her, and she's jealous of me because she thinks I'm going to steal you away from her or some shit? You're just a friend to me. That's all. Your dumb ass girlfriend is insecure and your relationship is really shitty. I wish you would dump her so we could just talk about stuff like we used to in peace. Even after we had that talk, all she did was insist upon her "ideals" about how we shouldn't be talking and then left after I proved that it was all a misunderstanding.

But she's still salty. And she's still insisting it's ok to act like that. Why are you dating this child?

I hate having to be the adult out of us 3. Thank you for trying to keep the peace between all of us, bro. You're too good for her.

Lately I've been hearing voices and having thoughts occasionally pop into my conscious mind, especially when I become tired.

In reality I've allowed, or caused, myself to begin hearing them again. A lot of it is gibberish, some of it is related to what's on my mind, some of it is insightful. The other form this comes in requires sleep deprivation and presents as random and highly varied images constructing themselves in my head and changing at regular intervals. A lot of the stuff I see wen awake will briefly look like something else, usually cats or cat faces. Sounds turn into voices or music.

Have to be careful not to go too deep. I don't trust the process nor the source. But I have a feeling I already have the answers I need, I just need to create access.

My boyfriend is an autistic spaghetti spilling basement dwelling beta but I love him anyway

>>17524320
Dude when guys blame their girlfriends theynare lying, like if we don't wanna go somewhere cuz she let's us smash we won't go to you but we won't say it out loud we'll blame the gf did you never have a bf who did that.
Lmao you need to put to enjoy the guy

I have been living life while trying to completely ignore my future and the responsibilities that I'll have to make. Everything seems so frightening to me and it feels that nothing good will ever happen.

>>17524383
I did something similar until 21 or so. All through high school I watched people plan their lives, talk about their desires for their future, etc, but was only ever an outsider. I wasn't really part of that world and was only there to watch.

I could never actually ignore the base parts of reality (food and shelter), but I went so far as to learn to not think about anything. No history and no future, and barely a present. Very strange sort of consciousness.

I still don't feel like anything good will happen, but things do change. Even if something good happens at this point, I'd barely be able to feel it.

I'm 19 and I've never had a girlfriend or anything.

I came close with this one girl who I liked last semester, but I guess she didn't like me back. She's starting to message me again, but I've given up hope on her and I barely respond much more than, "cool" or something.

Moving on from that, what I'm surprised to notice is that when I think of her, I don't think of the "big" things we did together. We went to random events, studied etc together. None of them really pops into my mind. What does is some small stuff. When me and her were sitting down with our heads on the table looking at each other cause we were tired from doing work together. Or that one time we showed up to a meeting early and found a small table nearby that we just sat at, played around on our phones, and then you got up and just danced around giggling. It just seemed like genuine happiness from us both. It was cute, you looked cute doing it.

What made that not happen? What made you all of a sudden make me go from the kid you're "sorta dating" to someone you barely mention, text etc? It was like a flip of the switch. One second we're joking around, sharing knowing looks etc. I mean, to me at least, it felt like the beginning of a relationship. But it wasn't. Well, actually, maybe there is some truth to that - around 3 or 4 guys asked you out and you wanted to reject all of them, and I was one of those guys. With the others, I saw you deflect - you tried to pin it on something else. Me? You said "yes" to the date, and then the next day or day after you just said, "Ugh, look, don't expect much out of it."

You were still open to going out, but you clearly didn't care enough about me to stick with it and see if you liked me.

Really just wonder why that is. Oh, and why the fuck are you messaging me now? I just stopped thinking of you, goddammit.

>>17520875
Same anon here.

He just told me he wants to be with a man. I am not a man.

I will get over this, adv. I know it.

>>17524393

Oh wow that's insane

I just posted a story above your post and mentioned my crush/friend rejected me and 3 other guys and she deflected the rejection and didn't answer the other 2.

Funnily enough, one of the ways she did it (I was there for this) is she acted tired and told the kid, "Oh uh weird I was about to ask you cause I think im confused about my sexuality i might be a lesbian alright i gotta go to sleep bye" and then fucking dipped.

The other kid was drunk, but still it's hilarious.

Maybe that story brightened your mood?

I'm sorry anon, I hate that too. I really cared for the person who rejected me, it's really fucking hard to get over. Just think positive if you can.

>>17524396
Anon I hadn't even read your story, but Im also 19 and have never been in a relationship lol.

Also Im fine!! I didn't confess or anything we were just talking about random things.

>>17517902
I titty fucked a crazy crack whore with HIV. I kind of regret it, not really. I know it was wrong but I have been sexually abused and was high at the time so meh it was it is.

Let this feeling pass already, holy shit. That, or actually give some use to it. But that much is impossible and unreasonable to want, so let it pass

I want a gf so bad but I have incredibly low self esteem and I am very depressed so I don't think i'd even be able to keep her.
I feel like a genetic dead end, like i'm not supposed to reproduce. I'm terrible at making friends and getting to know people, even though I physically look pretty good and girls have told me I should be a model, I still just end up drinking and smoking every night wishing I just had someone to cuddle and talk to.

>>17524320
Sounds like his girlfriend is none of your business

I've loved getting to know you
I mean, there hasn't been anyone else
I've wanted to accept since our new life began
Yet I hesitate because I'm waiting to know if there's trust, if this love could be true

Spending the last 4 years studying hard, getting good grades and a good job is all well and good but I've crippled myself socially by not interacting with anyone. I've been ostracized at work due to this, I just can't engage with people anymore. Feels like I've given myself autism and I have no idea what to do about it, it's probably only going to get worse.

>>17517902
New tactic for Tinder will surely work, right? I must keep trying!

(Tactic consists of 'Hey girl, I don't give a fuck anymore, and i wouldn't mind pounding you from behind sometime this week.)

Really bothers me remembering someone spitting in my face. Why didn't I do anything about it?

>>17522796
If this is who I think it is, you have no idea what real abuse or manipunlation is. As someone who has experienced real abuse, your victim complex disgusts me.

Why would you care about clothing, considering all of the videos and pictures online? I mean, really now.

Just my two cents, and no, I'm not him.

>>17517902
It's been an entire year since my life, my family, and my entire home fell apart. My entire family either moved, died, or got strung out on drugs. Thanks to the drug problem with the remaining family, the bills piled up, and our finances couldn't keep up with paying for the apartment. My part-time job was just a buffer for the rent, but even then, it wouldn't help. I caught my sister stealing from my wallet and buying meth. Big bro was mugging people for actual cocain.

I've been living with a total stranger who saved my ass from the streets. In turn, I've met many total strangers and basically called them an adoptive family.

I am eternally grateful for them, even if they can be hard asses or just nasty to be around.

Still, I was laid off 3 months ago, and I've become a recluse. I'm trying to regain my composure, but inertia's a bitch to fight. Besides, after 200 apps and some pretty resumes, not a damn thing has been accomplished.

Anyway, I kinda miss my actual family. It took me this long to realize it's been an entire year that they're gone. An entire year. I know it's healthier for me to be here, but I seriously miss them. Especially my nephew.

Take the rest away if necessary, I just want to see my nephew again.

>>17524642
How old? What happened?
Are you white?

If you miss or think about them, go and let them know. You'll feel refreshed and they'll appreciate it.

>>17524649
I'm 24
Am actually white
Biggest bro got arrested for stabbing someone in the stomach 4 times. Stole part of the rent money for booze.
Big sis used the rest for her drugs. OD'd, sliced both her wrists while under the influence, cops caught her in time. She's been diagnosed with several mental disablilities since then.
My nephew was sent away from us for obvious reasons. I considered fighting for his presence, but what the fuck can I do? I'm a loser with part-time pocket money and no vehicle.

>>17524687
I can assure you I tell him (my nephew, mostly) every day I miss him and hope he's doing well. Still, it hurts to not have the loveable little bastard around.

Going to apply to more jobs today, hopefully I land something. Otherwise I hope death is quick and painless, because I can't keep living with this feeling of failure.

I've noticed I've been speeding a lot lately, and I've had to tell myself, when going ten over "anon, you can't drive away from your feelings."

I may be loosing my only friend and I dont have anyone at uni that I could call "friend"
fml

I can't forget you. You've been the best thing to happen to me in my entire life. I will work hard at myself and, hopefully, one day we can be together again

I've come to the realization that, looks wise, i'm completely forgettable. Almost nobody that i haven't already known for at least a few months recognise me properly when they see me. I've even had people thinking i'm a completely different/new person a few times.

The times i've straight out asked poeple, like my mother, sister, close friend or whatever, about my looks the answer's always "U look okay i guess. Not ugly, not super pretty." My ex thought i looked completely mediocre as well, i've recently found out... And the one before him didn't even recognise me the first few times we met, and forgot my name several times when we had just started dating.

I guess i should look on the bright side of this and be glad that people recognise me only when they get to know my personality, instead of recognising me for superficial reasons... But it's also sort of annoying that no guy/girl that i've been really attracted to have ever found me really attractive. I'm always just "a good friend", and most of my relationships with guys have been based on very one-sided love. I've always been that, the very good friend that a lot of people like, but never ever fall in love with... I know it's a really trivial thing to get upset over, but i'm starting to think i'll never have great relationship with a guy since it always seem like they could do without me, and only date me because "meh, why not", and i'm the one doing all the work because in the end i'm really "just a friend" to them anyway. Friend with benefits.

Maybe my personality is shit too, idk. I have lots of friends, no one that i know of dislikes me. I just wish i wasn't so fucking bland. If i wear a shit ton of make-up and dress up i constantly get called super pretty, but who fucking wants that, at least in the long run. Anyone can learn decent make-up and fashion sense... Sometimes i wish i was an "ugly" girl that stands out, at least then i'd look interesting and not like a completely blank slate.

>>17523529
I didn't blame it on my BPD, trust me. I know I'm a shit person. I know what's up. I just don't know why I did it. Idk what got into me. I'm coming into some kind of mania lately, which is part of why I'm stressed out so bad and could have played a small part in the act of the cheating. I know the largest part of it is that I am, in fact, garbage. As for your post in entirety, I needed to hear that. It was good advice. And it's something I know I need to do. Thanks anon for smacking reality into my retarded ass.

thanks for kicking in, bi-cycle
son of a bitch
she's really pretty.

>>17524628
I'm not who you think, then. However, you're the disgusting one. Thinking that you can know someone else's experiences based off of a little information you see online and use that as basis for judgement is beyond self righteous. Get over yourself. You have no idea what that person may have been through and usually, what's posted online for the public is not someone's true self. I can care about clothing and self image because when you have someone else determine your thoughts and feelings for five years straight, and then put you down emotionally and physically when you try to stand up for yourself, your self confidence may be all you have left. And even that's being affected because I spent so long with someone who convinced me that everything I thought was wrong was just normal, and was conditioned to walk on eggshells about everything. Even something as petty as clothing. If you really do have any actual clue about real abuse then you should understand.

>>17525101
>be glad that people recognise me only when they get to know my personality, instead of recognising me for superficial reasons
Yes, absolutely.
Sure some people like the feeling of being found attractive, but for an introvert it gets old pretty quickly. It's like getting approached by salesmen or jehovah's witnesses: they not only waste your time, they distract you from potential opportunities to really connect with people.
For a girl, it's even worse since guys are so shallow. A pretty girl gets approached by every guy in the room, cause they just really want to hit that. And you don't sound like the type who's looking for a quick smash.

And since you have a lot of friends and good, non-sexual relationships with guys, you KNOW your personality is solid. That'll be your ticket in the long run. The moment a guy meets a girl, his dick decides whether he's attracted based on the pure physicals. But over time, the brain takes over more and more: a beautiful girl with a shit personality becomes less and less attractive, but a girl with an attractive personality just gets hotter and hotter.
I'm sure you'll find what you're looking for. Just don't give up.

>Anyone can learn decent make-up and fashion sense...
Anyone can learn the skills, but the sense and style are born or built over many years of experience. Just go to work, school, a mall, and look at the people around you, both guys and girls. How many are dressed sharply, with taste? How many have their hair done well? How many have great makeup on?
Looking good isn't just genetic, it's an art form as well. Put your talents to good use.

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New thread: >>17525476
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>>17525304
I thought it was obvious that I wasn't addressing you personally, and was using your post as a stand-in for a lying female that ruined a good man's life with her lies.

Maybe I should have been a tad bit more specific though.

>>17525665
My mistake then, I'm sorry