Was this harsh?

>>17515247

she wanted you to take the blame. she wanted an apology. we dont know if it warranted one cuz you wont tell us what happened, but yeah she wanted you to say it was all your fault, or at the very least take more credit and give an actual sorry.

Can you briefly explain what caused the friction? Withholding comment until I know more

>>17515247
Need context, OP. Can't really say more than that with what we've been given.

>>17515269
>>17515271
>>17515280
Basically, we went to Florida together for a week; all it did was rain, and all we did was fight.

Started out sort of ok, but there was just constantly tension that grew and grew over the week until we were finally at the point of just not talking to one another.

It would be impossible to give the full story of the entire week, so I'll try to bullet point the highlights.

>She was staying at my place for the night before we made the drive down to FL. I had told her that my apartment was admittedly sparse in terms of decoration prior to her arrival. She came in and absolute read the place. Not in a joking way. Said I was "too old to be living in a place that looked like a dorm room" and proceeded to point out every piece of furniture she didn't like.
>We had sex the first night which was pretty awkward. I think we both knew it was gonna happen at some point on the trip (there was only one bed) and I think I initiated it with the mindset of "let's get it out of the way so there's not a bunch of wondering when it's gonna happen." It wasn't bad, but the comfort level wasn't really there yet. I woke up in my bed alone the next morning to find her sleeping on my couch.

>>17515468
cont.

>we get there and, again, all it does is rain. We were stuck inside pretty much all day watching the Olympics and trying to agree on Netflix shit to watch (vastly different tastes here).
>Had a number of "serious talks" about life/relationships/etc where we didnt see eye to eye. She thinks marriage is a terrible institution that is restrictive to women, I think marriage is fine and that you can't rule out a whole institution that works for some people. She's a professor in Poli Sci and does a lot of work on immigration policy. I asked her why she took that route and she went on a long rant about her feelings on race that really got personal and revealed some strong biases imo. I said not a word the whole time. She stopped herself at what point and said "I bet you think I'm just mean and a racist now, huh?" (which I did) but I just left it at "No, just listening and learning."
>What REALLY set things off is that we had sex and I didn't cum. She had been giving me head for like 20 minutes and from experience I know that she could go on all day and night like that and it simply wouldn't happen. Having had partners who really got self-conscious as time went on and they weren't getting results, I said "let's take a break" to try to wrap things up. She wanted to know why I stopped her and I explained that I don't always cum and that it's particularly hard for me with a condom. She was pretty clearly unnerved by this.
>The other one is that I left hickies on her during sex our 2nd time. She asked me if I could not do that so i tried to be more gentle the next time. Still left marks the day after which she badgered me about the entire next day. I suggest taking a walk on the beach together, she's getting ready and looking in the mirror at one point and and goes "ugh, im so serious, could you NOT leave marks on me?" which I responded to with "Could you make your skin less sensitive? You're saying it like I'm doing it on purpose and I'm not."

>>17515494
cont.

That last one started a big fight. I was upset because I was trying to comply with her original request and was putting in effort to be a fun partner in bed -- believe me she was into it at the moment -- and I think I got defensive when I felt like she was telling me my efforts were unappreciated. To me, a hickey is a kind of "So what? Good sex leaves marks now and then and we're on vacation. It's not like anyone here is gonna care and it was done to feel good, not to embarrass you," but she was clearly self-conscious about it and felt that I didn't respect her wishes. I wanted to talk about it, she didn't want to bother and just suggested I take my beach walk alone, which I did.

Everything spiraled from there. Was not pleasant.

I wouldn't have taken this problem to 4chan if it was me, but you did--so let's see...

You know her better than we ever could. Is your relationship in jeopardy? Just talk to her. Sounds like generic relationship friction

OP, your text was very mature and thoughtful and well said. This girl sounds extremely insecure and bitchy; I'm shocked you found a way to put up with her. In all of the things you described, down to the very last text she sent you, it sounds like she's overreacting and being shitty for no reason. You did good; if she's going to act like a cunt there's nothing you can do to stop her. Maybe you two just aren't very compatible. Leave her to stew in her own shit and move on to other things.

>>17515530
It wasn't ever a relationship. This trip was really more a test of whether or not there was any real relationship potential. We're both single and near 30. It was (tacitly) treated as a kind of "let's give this thing a try. Either we'll love each other or hate each other by the end." Obviously, the latter happened. Nothing really lost since we weren't close friends beforehand.

>>17515589
Thanks. Appreciate it.

>>17515494
>She's a professor in Poli Sci
oh boy

OP your response sounded mature and rational from the start, but I was skeptical before I read the whole story of what happened. Then I read it, and I still don't understand why she's upset.

>We're both single and near 30
she sounds like she's 19. sounds like you dodged a bullet. drop that bitch.

To be honest the fact that you were constantly giving her hickeys after she explicitly asked you not to, and that you keep excusing it here, saying it's "to feel good" and whatnot, says a lot. It clearly didn't feel good to her to have them. Being a partner is about compromise and it looks like you didn't put a lot of weight on her wishes. The rest of the stuff just sounds like normal relationship friction.

>>17515656
>you were constantly giving her hickeys after she explicitly asked you not to
>you keep excusing it

>>17515494
>She asked me if I could not do that so i tried to be more gentle the next time
>"Could you make your skin less sensitive? You're saying it like I'm doing it on purpose and I'm not."

>>17515667
It was exactly that comment that made me think you were excusing it. "It's not like I'm trying to!" when she gets annoyed that you did it even after she asked you to stop. You were doing something that pissed her off that you could've prevented if you'd have been more considerate of her wants and needs. It wasn't an accident, your mouth didn't fall on her neck while forcefully sucking the air. Being gentle enough not to bruise her is not hard, you can never be too gentle. Heck, avoid hickeys altogether until you recognize the line.

Your attitude toward this says a lot about you, that it was all just in great fun and that it's not like anyone in public cares, excusing it when all that matters is that it's something that she didn't want done, that she asked you not to do, and you did it anyway. And then excused it.

>>17515701
>all that matters is that it's something that she didn't want done, that she asked you not to do, and you did it anyway

This is EXACTLY the fight we had.

I think there's a big difference between "you did it anyway" and "you didn't try to do it, but it HAPPENED anyway."

She really was VERY sensitive. By the 2nd time I wasn't doing to her anything I hadn't done to any of a number of previous partners who didn't walk away with marks. I agree, generally leaving a hickey is a conscious decision. You have to consciously suck air. But I left marks just kissing her neck, she said NOTHING at the time about being too rough, but was upset once she saw that there were marks.

I don't think I'm so much saying that her frustration was unwarranted, as much as that it's shortsighted and petty to just go "I don't care about intentions, just results" (which is something she said at one point on the trip). I don't pretend that I think it was nowhere near as big a deal as she made it out to be, but I respect that it mattered to her which I think I acknowledged in putting in effort not to mark.

I'd say the excusing was on her end in dismissing good intentions.