LDRs never work

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I kept trying to get away, get out, because we were both suffering but he wouldn't let me go. To make a long story short we had a final big fight and cut contact because I "cheated". He wouldn't let me leave yet didn't satisfy me at all. What was I supposed to do? I found a real life boy that satisfied my need for touch and hugs (really all I wanted was cuddles. Previously I had only been in LDRs).

This tore each other up inside and he hates my guts. Instead of thinking back to the good memories we shared, my now ex only hates me because he thinks I'm a cheater. Yet he didn't always have the same "ambition" to keep the relationship afloat like me. Instead of appreciating me as a person who shared life with him for 2 years, he only focuses on the bad. Yet I still love him dearly. I never wanted to leave. I just wanted to be closer but it wasn't working out.

The real life boy that broke us up wasn't right for me, and I left him. Realized he didn't care for me as much as he said he did. Yes broke us up. Literally what he did. Since then I had been on a few dates with people, but I think I have something seriously wrong with me. My heart is in pieces. I feel incapable of love for anyone else . I still love my ex

I will tldr if needed but one really needs the background info to provide accurate advice

>>17514084
you guys not atleast in the same country? also how old are u both. when was the last time you talked to him? mainly wondering cause u said u know he hates you and that its because u cheated. just wondering if your presuming this is all.

>>17514102
>yes both USA
>right now I'm 24 and he's 18
>last spoke 2 months ago; yes it hasn't been that long since everything came falling down

Ask anything

>>17514084
Really, really relatable. I was in an LDR and we'd started 2013 too. Only difference is we weren't both in the US, I'm on the other side of the planet.

I know this is super cliche, but you just have to wait, by time, eventually it gets better.
You have to bring yourself to delete and block him on everything. Go out with friends, try to meet someone new. Distract yourself, but also don't reject the sadness because it just piles up and makes you feel more shitty.

>>17514128
its not been that long then.(can take years to heal something that lasted that long) Im sure alot of people have this same issue you really cant do much about it unless you can make him understand.

I was in ur exs posistion, both wanted more couldnt give, she ended out cheating and my feelings of love and frustration turned into hate and regret, been a long time since that happend, but i still feel the same way about her just not as strongly.

hah, I love my LDR ex too. She loved me too. The distance made me become increasingly jealous even though I had 0, literally nothing to worry about. I kept taking stabs at her under the guise of jokes. I think she wised up and slowly started to distance herself from me, even though we Skyped every single day for the entire duration of the relationship up until she broke up with me.

Pathetic thing is she broke up with me like 3 or 4 months ago (that's half the relationship duration) and I'm still mad for her.

I'm a piece of shit. I'm with someone right now but I don't love her. I like her but I don't think I can bring myself to ever love again. I don't know.

Wish we could be friends, OP.

>>17514142
I've been doing exactly that. So it looks like I HAVE been on the right track to healing

>>17514149
I'm sorry to hear that. It feels shitty for everyone involved, doesn't it? I wish me and my ex would've ended things sooner instead of dragging out a failing relationship even longer. Long distance never works no matter what.

Do you love her still? Do you hate her? Do you forgive her?

>>17514157
We started in the summer of 2014.

>>17514142
I did this. I distracted myself with Tinder and the girl I'm currently with an I'm miserable because I'm leading her on.

If you have a conscience, don't do it. Don't use people like I am doing.

>>17514157
Sad thing is, me too. I think I've found myself in another relationship. I don't think I can bring myself to love again. It's sad but I think I should tell him this rather than lead him on.

It hasn't been that long since me and my ex cut contact. I'm not over it. I don't think I'll ever be. I just need to accept that it's over

>>17514167
>It hasn't been that long since me and my ex cut contact. I'm not over it. I don't think I'll ever be.

Don't want to be a discouraging asshole but that's what I thought too in the beginning, in the following month after the relationship was over. I kept telling myself just let some time pass, the feelings will subside. Well, 3 months later I'm still in the same situation. Still longing for her. Welp, I guess another year oughtta do it.

> It's sad but I think I should tell him this rather than lead him on.
I did tell my current gf to not fall in love with me because I don't want to hurt her. I think she already has feelings for me. I really don't want to be an asshole and hurt her by not giving her back the love she needs. I'm debating whether or not to end it soon with her.

>>17514177
I think we should just keep giving ourselves more time, and tell our current partners that it isn't a good idea to be together

The stages of grief, man

Anyway, how long will it be until my ex stops blaming me and hating me for everything, and maybe forgives me? We were both in the wrong. I was a needy attention whore. He was insecure, possessive, sometimes took his anger out on me (where I would never even dream of doing the same; I never want to hurt my lovers). And plus h never took responsibility if he did something wrong, it was always someone else's fault

>>17514159
She was young and immature when i meet her, as time went on she became a better finer adult and i was apart of that growth, i put alot of energy time and effort into her and i felt like she threw that away just cause she was abit lonley(i was too). so because of these things i hate her, but i still care for her and do wonder how shes doing and getting on with her life and i hope that she did get a job in the end.

Idk if i could forgive her i know she was just being selfish like we all are and looking out for herself. but i cant forgett all the broken promises she made to me, which at the end of the day was the biggest killer to our relationship. just stupid shit, but at the end of the day i was holding onto those promises and they were the most substantial thing in our LDR

>>17514165
I agree leading people on is bad.
What I did though was meet a few guys(2), I told them early on about my break up and that I wasn't interested in a serious relationship. I did crush on them but I never let it out, because I was worried shit would happen. We just spent time together, played games. I liked spending time with them. But eventually everything faded away, still talk to them once a month or something and we're on good terms though.

Oh and we never even did anything sexual..I think I meant to say something like..when you meet new people, the "novelty" and getting to know them factor can really counter the intensity of whatever feelings you have for the ex.

>>17514181
he may never feel differently. doesent matter if u both fucked up, at the end of the day he probably beleives ur mistake of cheating is way worse than anything he did.

I personaly couldnt forgive any of my exs that cheated its just one of those things that hurt more than anything to me, people just take things differently.

I hope all you anons with similar situations to me get better with time. It's really difficult isn't it. But time heals all wounds. Don't suppress your pain, don't deny it. Just accept it

>>17514181
>and tell our current partners that it isn't a good idea to be together
I believe mine kinda knows I'm not quite over my ex and, again, I keep telling her not to fall for me because I don't want to hurt her. I don't have the balls to tell her straight out that I'm not over the ex.
I think you should tell yours. Or make him understand, somehow.
It's better than being alone, I guess, having someone to share some time with and sex and stuff. I'm a pussy, I know.

>Anyway, how long will it be until my ex stops blaming me and hating me for everything, and maybe forgives me?
Oh, fuck me if I know. I could ask you the same goddamned thing. It really is the million dollar question.

>I was a needy attention whore. He was insecure, possessive, sometimes took his anger out on me (where I would never even dream of doing the same; I never want to hurt my lovers). And plus h never took responsibility if he did something wrong, it was always someone else's fault
If I didn't know any better I would've thought that you're my ex lol.

> insecure, possessive, sometimes took his anger out on me
This part right here, fuck. Jesus Christ, does your first name start with M?

>>17514200
just saying but her name starting with m shouldnt mean much, also cause 75% of the stuff she describes is most LDR? for me anyways i had to reread some of the details cause sounded very simliar. ive had 2 exes with there names starting with M

>>17514205
man, I was just playing. she already said she was 24.

>>17514200
>>17514205

> 75% of the stuff she describes is most LDR
Yeah, confirming this

Sorry I'm at work so replies will be sporadic. My first initial is S

I think I got all the advice I needed. Wow I didn't know there were so many people in similar situations

>>17514167
Wow, already?

I haven't heard from my LDR boyfriend since yesterday morning. He said he was going to class and would talk to me later. Hasn't been online since.

We haven't gone a day without talking to each other since we met. I feel sick.

>>17514312
Do you have anxiety?

>>17514373
Not really. But I'm worried. And there's nothing I can do

>>17514421
What exactly is your worry? Something bad happened to him, or that the relationship/ what he feels for you is going downhill?
I really really suggest you try to find something to distract yourself, you're right you can't do anything but overthinking about this will only make you feel worse

>>17514304
Yeah

Btw how do you know me?

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>>17514434
That something happened. Things are good in the relationship.
His last message ...

>>17514447
Sam...

Could a LDR work if we can visit each other every 2nd weekend or something? And spend together holidays such as Easter, Christmas etc

>>17514449
Really, only thing you can do is wait this out..
Do you have anyone else to talk to about this? It helps a lot if someone is there to comfort you

>>17514458
Uhm yes that's me

To answer your question, I think it's because it's who I attract. I don't look half bad and I appear & act vulnerable. At some point or another there is always someone who has some level of attraction for me

>>17514463
Ideally you need to be together as much as physically possible. But this depends on you two personally, as individuals. We can't answer it 100% accurately

>>17514470
I really gotta stop coming here and seeing you

>>17514474
I actually think we'd make decent friends because we were fine previously but only argued about 1 stupid thing.

It just means that we should probably be friends again but, if tensions rise, it means one or both of us need to gtfo before we do something like we did.

Also I'm on one of my breaks and it's slow in the morning at shitmart so of course I'm on my phone

>>17514470
I think you sound like an awful person to be honest.

>>17514084
>LDRs never work
Except when they do.

>>17514497
I was thinking this the whole thread, problem is most ppl are

>>17514086
>The real life boy that broke us up wasn't right for me, and I left him. Realized he didn't care for me as much as he said he did. Yes broke us up.
He didn't break you two up, you did.

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>>17514479
You told me you didn't want to talk to me anymore then you're saying you want to be friends? No, it doesn't work like that.

>>17514497
Maybe that's so. But you really don't know me apart from here and there. Everyone has more depth than a few posts can make them out to be.

Yes I'm damaged and have issues but beyond that I have good qualities

>>17514514
I was waiting for someone to say this. He literally did break me and my ex up. I remember, word for word, how he thought that just because we were long distance, that we weren't in a relationship anyway, and that it was okay to make moves on me. That kind of hurt. Even if we were far apart, me and anon didn't have any less of a bond. It's like he didn't even think of my ex as an actual human somewhere

>>17514522
Because I forgave you even though I probably shouldn't, and simply moved on because I have more on my plate than just that

>>17514525
>He literally did break me and my ex up. I remember, word for word, how he thought that just because we were long distance, that we weren't in a relationship anyway, and that it was okay to make moves on me.
It doesn't matter if HE made moves on you or not. You're capable of stopping said moves from happening and then distancing yourself from him. You're a shitty person that's unwilling to accept blame.

>>17514534
Why would I think deeply on that when I could be happy I'm getting hugs? Which is all I really wanted. Closeness

>>17514538
>Why would I think deeply on that when I could be happy I'm getting hugs?
Why worry about the feelings of your partner as long as you feel good in the moment, right? You're fucking terrible. I did the LDR thing for 5 years and not once did I let a single person get close to me in that way. It sucked, but if the person is worth it, you suck it up and put them first.

>>17514545
He did not make time for me. Don't think you guys understood

>>17514545
She really is a piece of shit

>wahh i cheated
>wahh its not my fault i needed dick on the side

>>17514525
Oh man u really think it's his fault. Chicks thinking is so retarded. The fact u allowed urself to be in that position with this other guy tells me u wanted to cheat, thinks people care whether others are in ldr or not is just dumb, he clearly wanted to get off guys don't give a Shit who u are with

>>17514538
I agree with >>17514545

You were willing to accept closeness from just anybody? Wtf

>>17514553
Basically this.

Literally wants any dick that will have her.

Wow I think you should just delete ur posts, your just making yourself look bad. You don't even post anything negative about guy other than distant and didn't spend time with.

>>17514549
>He did not make time for me.
And this justifies your actions? If you're not happy, you have a serious talk. If things aren't resolved, or if they won't make time for you, then break up. You talk about how he refuses to accept responsibility for his actions, but here you are doing the exact same shit. Good god, you're a sorry excuse for a human being.

Wow you guys took things way the fuck out of proportion. Tell me if you'd like this lifestyle: you come home, rush home from work, wait alone in your room just for the CHANCE to be with someone you love. You can't talk to anyone as your partner doesn't want you having friends of the opposite gender. And many times you don't get to see each other at all.

What would you do? Would you change? Would you try to break up? Would you keep it afloat? We did all that. It was failing

>>17514573
You yourself say so you cheated instead of breaking up first. Your scum

>>17514579
I fucking tried many times. He didn't want me to leave yet didn't make time for me or satisfy me

You never fell that hard for anybody again because irl there's not much room for dreams, imagining the day you meet as an ideal one, constant longing, romantic "miles won't tear us apart" factor, the exotic factor if you're from different countries, and shit. LDRs aren't like real relationships, try an LDR again if you want to feel the same way as about him.

>>17514573
Excuses, excuses, excuses. No accountability for your actions whatsoever.

>>17514582
>I fucking tried many times. He didn't want me to leave yet didn't make time for me or satisfy me
That's why you CUT CONTACT. If nothing changes, but they don't want you to leave, that is your ONLY respectable option.

>>17514592
I did that too. You may remember me making threads about us here before

>>17514595
If you're who I think you are, I don't remember having a very high opinion of you then either.

>I did that too.
Then how did you get back in contact?

>>17514601
Gee because we loved each other and cared about each other and kept trying to make it work

>>17514573
I don't understand why this has to be "chance".
Why couldn't the two of you discuss (via email or whatever) a set schedule. "Hey, want to Skype every Saturday night?" Or something. At least then on the other days you don't have to rush?
If he was still being a dick about seeing you then you just ditch him and GTFO asap, nobody just deserves to be cheated on asshole or not wtf.

>>17514609
>Gee because we loved each other and cared about each other and kept trying to make it work
Then you didn't really cut contact, huh. Make up your goddamn mind. Do you even understand the concept of "cut contact" and the finality it involves? It doesn't mean "stop talking for a little while until I get lonely."

>we loved each other
Is that why you cheated on him and broke his heart?