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Anonymous
How big a red flag is no dating experience? 2016-08-28 18:52:43 Post No. 17506618
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How big a red flag is no dating experience? 2016-08-28 18:52:43 Post No. 17506618
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How big a red flag is no dating experience?
Anonymous
2016-08-28 18:52:43
Post No. 17506618
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To briefly sum up my sexual history: I've always been shy/defensive, so never had a girlfriend at school. Thanks to the social lubricant of alcohol I managed to lose my virginity fairly quickly at university, and had a few similar one-night stands. Then I had a semi-relationship with a girl - we were doing everything a boyfriend and girlfriend would do but never defined what we were, we were close friends and I trusted her completely, but then she ended it in a bit of a shitty way to be with someone else. This 'relationship' only lasted a couple of months (although we'd been friends for 2 years), but I reacted very badly to the breakup and went way further into my shell. It was 3 years ago, and I've not had sex since. I told myself that I wouldn't have one-night stands anymore and that I'd only sleep with a girl again when I had genuine feelings for her and, while this is true, it's also true that I've not been actively looking to meet girls, because of what happened last time.
I'd love to put it all behind me and have a real and fulfilling relationship, but I worry that my lack of experience will be a red flag. I'm 23 and have never had a girlfriend, and I fear that if I admit that, the girl will think there's something wrong with me (and, to be fair, maybe there is). At the same time though, even though my bad experiences have been a result of the choices I've made, I do think I've been unlucky in the past and it's not completely my fault that I've never had a relationship.
So girls, just how big of a red flag is a complete lack of dating experience? What would you think/do if you met a guy you liked and he told you that he'd never had a girlfriend?
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>>17506618
I'm a guy, but here goes:
>defensive
Big red flag, it shows insecurity. Women like secure, confident men. Shit, I don't like defensive people one bit either, male or female.
> I worry that my lack of experience will be a red flag.
You've had more than many others had. Just act normal, like you're as experienced as anyone else. You don't have to either deny or admit to anything unless you're asked about it. If the subject comes up, act like you don't think anything of how experienced you are.
>I do think I've been unlucky in the past and it's not completely my fault that I've never had a relationship.
You don't need to excuse yourself about these things. Act like you're over your ex(es) and don't try to blame them. No one cares about them. Make yourself look good by not bitching about how you've been wronged. See: being defensive.
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>>17506683
Just for clarification, by defensive I don't mean I'm really oversensitive and prickly, I mean I just don't volunteer information or get close to people easily. Guarded is maybe a better word. But I do take your point.
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>>17506719
You do come across as defensive when saying stuff like this though:
> it's not completely my fault that I've never had a relationship.
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>>17506736
I understand that, but I'm just trying to be realistic. There are things that I could change that would definitely make it more likely that I'd get a girlfriend (e.g. being less shy/guarded), but if I hadn't had this bad experience then maybe by now I'd have eased my way into a relationship with someone who actually wanted one. Not trying to blame myself or absolve myself from blame. In real life I wouldn't say "it's not my fault..." though, because you're right about how it comes across.
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