Orgasm problems

I love my bf's dick inside me, but I find it really hard to cum unless I'm on top of him, like riding so I can rub my clit on him too. But when he's on top of me, I just rub myself while he's inside me. He loves it, I love it because I'm getting the penetration too and we both get off. It's all about having fun and feeling good and being connected... Maybe try and focus on exactly WHAT you're feeling down there, instead of him, focus on what moves get you going... I'm sure he'll be able to work with whatever you're doing =) good luck!

>>17506566
I'm usually on top and I do touch myself even that was a hassle to orgasm those two times. What's weird is I can usually go hands free to orgasm.

I feel like sex with me is a chore :/

>>17506590
Would you feel better if you blindfolded him? (Just wondering if it's a body image issue?)

>>17506590
Does he at least give you oral? You guys been together since may

>>17506653
I haven't tried that, but I do have body image issues. In fact the first time we had sex I tried to leave my bra on and he took it off of me after I asked if I could leave it on.

I think my anxiety stems from that he refuses to provide me feedback on sex. I told him I would like to know I'm not just a step above masturbation and he laughed. I kind of ask and he just avoids the question, so I feel like I'm bad and he won't tell me

>>17506667
He's gone down on me once, but I'm not big on being eaten out because I was molested

>>17506678
KEK

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>>17506678
I have no idea why that made me burst out laughing

>by the way I was molested

Just casually thrown in there

>>17506678
Original asker.

Holy shit. Hmmmm. Thats such an unfortunate thing, i always go down and make my girl cum from that before i make her come again from giving her the D.

Is there any way it can be reintroduced? No therapy or any such? It could help open many many doors

>>17506684
Lol just answering a question before it could be asked

>>17506700
I'm willing to try. The only time he did it, he was sweet like held my hand. I actually have asked him if we could try again

Part of me wonders if taking a low dose Xanax would help

How can you ever enjoy it to the fullest if he's crying about orgasms?
He needs to know that sex isn't all about coming in the first place. Heck, sometimes I enjoy the penetration more than coming. Sex isn't a checklist.

>>17506738
That's exactly how I feel about it. Like its amazing. It's literally some of the best sex I've ever had, but he's starting to seem disinterested over it. I have been having sex longer than him by 3 years though so I don't know if that makes a difference

>>17506747 #
Since you're friends with benefits I don't know how open you are to each other, but if you heard his complains through text it seems not that much.
I can imagine it sucks because that's what you're probably trying to avoid with fwb, but talk about it or stop it.
Like I said I don't always care about coming but your "friend" obviously cares. Maybe he doesn't know much about how sex and pleasure works or maybe he's just scared that he's not good enough. Heck, maybe his past bedpartners were always faking it. You are not weird or in the wrong anon.
Talk to him about this and if he still doesn't understand fuck him (I mean not) and stop it. Sex has to be enjoyable and relaxing, not to serve a bitch baby

Damn I sound like an angry feminist ayy

>>17506776
He's actually brought it up in person that he's sorry, but in text is now is how he sounds bothered. He's like disconnected when we sext. I'd rather be open than fake it ya know? and the last time he came over we ended up just cuddling for hours then eating, so he's starting to not fuck me :/ lol

>>17506817
Okay so he understands it and still being unreasonable. Sorry but don't you think he's in the wrong? In this thread you seem so focused on how to "solve" his problem by techniques, pills yet you realize that sex shouldn't be like that. Are you ignoring it because you like him?

>>17506519
>the sex feels amazing
but
no
orgasm
?
that's like pretty weird and also zen like, I think I need to learn this technique, like being hard and penetrate my gf but dont come at all, I get all the benefit of sex and not feeling tired afterwards.

>>17506519
just tell him "the sex feels amazing and I don't want it to stop :( can you just let me take care of your cock? I love it"

all of his problems will fly away, you may come across as a bit of a slut, you might want to change the last part if thats an issue to you but, srsly, you'll insta boner him and his worries are gone.

>>17506678
>I was molested
how was it ?

>>17506852
We have a mutual friend and she's told me he has really bad self esteem. He doesn't date at all. From what I know about his sexual past (that he doesn't know I know) is he fucks people he doesn't even have attraction to because it's a hole to fill. The mutual friend told me that the next time he gets a friend with benefit he actually wants to be their friend. He has no clue I know this

>>17506879
bascially let him know that it sucks for you that he stopped fucking you, because it felt great and you want more of that.. also add in some shit that makes him understand why you'd not want to swap him for another whoever the fuck, and whhy you want to be with him and he makes u feel good.

men feel disposable at times girls, if you're not good enough at sex... then why doesn't a girl find someone who is.. he just feels sub par, and it's killing him.. for some reason though he isn't sub par for you, just let him know that reason. how he makes u feel.
>>17506817

also everybody gets insecure.. it's not nice to say someone's an asshole just because he has a legitimate reason to have a concern about something. just give him a legitimate reason to not have that concern, time, and you'll see if he's an asshole or not.
>>17506852

>>17506869
Every time I get close I just lose it because I start thinking he's not enjoying it and I just fuck/blow him as well as I can

>>17506886
0/10 would not recommend

>>17506902
I don't believe you

>>17506519
also I don't know if it's appropriate on this board to ask, but can we get some timestamped tits?
I might be in the wrong, let me know.

>>17506916
nope ur good.

>>17506922
kk thanks

then can we get some timestamped titties for our efforts? >>17506889

>>17506892
I told her that sex isn't all about coming and he needs to know that. Does that make him an asshole?
I don't think she bought it that way and neither should you. If I wanted to insult him there would be better ways.

>>17506519
How would you feel if he never came?

>>17506892
I mean I have told him this, but I would also like to stop being so anxious about it myself, so I'm just looking for some tips about

>>17506934
Yeah, but they're not very nice ones

>>17506942
He actually didn't the first few times we fooled, but reassured me it was the alcohol and I just communicated with him about it. Got over it

>>17506938
>unreasonable
>asshole
whatever you call it man, he's not being unreasonable that's all I'm saying. not that you're insulting him, but that the basis of your argument are wrong, he is being reasonable, he would be unreasonable if she faced him with his insecurities, and reassured him on them. And to be honest, there's no real way to know what he's insecure about.. Even he couldn't know, the human psyche is full of confusion most times.

>>17506948
then there is something that he isn't telling you, you obviously like the guy girl, he's not just a friend for you.. but he might not be the best option you have, you want someone who's intimate with you to be open so you can solve problems, he seems closed like a crab shell.

Tis I who asked for the titties so, it's fine, I'm curious and it makes me feel rewarded, if you want to make me feel like that!

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>>17506964
That's a good point. It's frustrating I can communicate with him, but he ignores my request for feedback. I honestly think if he told me how I was in bed it would help me tremendously

>>17506981
then that might be the problem exactly, he's not willing to share everything, to be honest and to open up entirely. girl do you want to be with someone like that? He's got issues in tellin u everythin, and you didn't give him the faintest reason to get these issues. my advice is try to help him overcome that, but don't kill yourself in the process, see if he likes you even first... you might be wasting your time here, and men love a girl who's willing to put herself on the line for them, you can definately find a guy like that.
It ain't easy, you make mistakes in love, and you think the feelings comes before any warning signals.. and sometimes warning signals aren't anything more than that. but you gotta realize with who you'd be happy, and who would just make you miserable.

maybe lose the bra? not looking bad at all so far

>>17506958
I personally don't think he is right if he says he is okay with it but starts saying other things via text. Apparently it has gone this far that she is willing to do anything to please something he said he was okay with, even pills. It is far more likely that he is insecure instead of being an ass, but that doesn't mean that she has to do anything to make him feel that the sex is good, because it is already good.

>>17506998
I don't think he doesn't like me. He opens up to me about his personal life sometimes and rants about shit and relates to me on a lot. We were joking about sex and I laughing told him I would appreciate validation and he made a blank face.

Give me a moment because right now I'm picking up some soda

I love how this thread turned from help me with my orgasm to he ain't shit lol

>>17507013
yea man, I wrote other things, my updated version is that he's clearly not sharing, and that's hurting the thing, so he's at fault here, she seems open and nice about the whole thing.

as far as the sex goes

we dont know if its nice or not ;)

we don't know why things happen and shit.

let's try to help with what we can

>>17506981
....that's a guy in a bra. A hairless, slightly chubby guy. It's not hard to fake that. Why are you so bored, anon? You know there are no women here, of all places, especially not /adv/.

>>17507018
no listen I'm not saying he isn't shit, I'm saying that he might not be boyfriend material... he might be an amazing guy in other regards... but I already know he'd be a bad boyfriend, or even companion, if he closes up so soon... you have to realize that liking this boy might hurt you.. so don't go too deep in it, before he proves to you that he can handle this situation positively, and that you two really got a shot at being happy, without frustration.
np, the titties are a bonus, I'm here to help.

>I, honestly, really enjoy being with him and the sex feels amazing. I just feel high anxiety when I'm with him, so I just focus on getting him to come.

Tell this to him.

>>17507034
man these are boobs wtf are u talking about? have u ever seen boobs? they look big too..

>>17507024
She mentioned a couple times that she enjoys the sex man. I don't know the whole story so I'm depending on what she tells us. I'm trying to help her with what I think is good; talking about it. If you think you have other solutionsor the same, good that you're helping too :)

>>17507018
It's partly for him so he doesn't feel bad and partly for me so this doesn't carry into my other sexual relationships in the future

>>17507039
It was just a joke about him not being shit lol.

I don't think we'd ever actually end up together so that's not what I'm worried about. We're friends with a sexual relationship and I want to work on the sexual part, but I understand what you're saying

>>17507046
I have and nothing changes :/

>>17507086
hmm.. that's odd really. why would you want to work on the sexual part on a friend with benefit? I thought the whole point was you can just get rid of the sex when it gets stale. or like a backup bootycall.

anyway you can be his friend, and make him feel accepted anyway. What you did is the right thing to start working on the issue, you notified him that you noticed this wrong behaviour, but he isn't following up on it, and there's nothing you can do about it, if he doesn't want to say what's really bothering him, or if he doesn't trust you when you tell him that it's okay.

that's all I'm tryin to say girl, there isn't much you can do with that shit, he's left u hanging alone, and it ain't nice. Maybe try reminding him that you two r also friends, and he can tell u anything? but do that and you'll have done anything really, it's up to him.

>>17507094
Then you don't have a problem, he does.

>>17507113
Well it's not stale. I really enjoy it and I know he does, but I think we could up it if I could orgasm. So since I have the opportunity to make great sex even better I want to work on it. And like I said I do worry this could continue if I slept with other people.

He told me before I could open up about anything to him and he wants me to be free to be myself so maybe I should try calling him out on the fact that I try to sexually with him and he never says anything back

>>17507115
I feel like I slightly have a problem if I'm having so much trouble coming

>>17507136
that's definately an option... but I need clarifying then, I thought the issue was that the sex wasn't so good anymore, since he's being distant, and less passionate. calling him out on his words is definately an option here, but remember that he doesn't have to open up with you at this point, nor does he have to tell you anything he doesn't want to.. you guys are just friends. He said you could open up to him.. not that he would tell you anything. I think you expect a bit too much from him, now that I put things into perspective.. you're fuck buddies, you can't go into couples therapy! if he doesn't want to open up.. then the issue's stayin untill he decides he wants to change!

but, you could simply make him more comfortable in the bedroom.. by having great sex, the key is to distract him from any thought that kills the mood for him, keep him busy, make him do shit that makes you feel good, bring him back in the moment when you see him distracted, there's a lot you can do.. find out what works for him!

also titties are out of the game?

>>17507141
it sounded like you were fine with not coming so far..?

>>17507141
Honestly your issue sounded like you were scared of him leaving because of you not being able to come, not so much you just being unable to come. That kind of anxiety follows you in the bedroom too.

>>17506519
Take Xanax

/thread

>>17506684
Shit happens anon.

>>17507174 there not just stuck in traffic because of an accident :/

I really appreciate your responses

>>17507183
I don't hate it that I don't, but it would be nice to know that it's not gone or going to be a problem in the future if that makes sense

>>17507190
If he left it over this it would really suck, but I think I would be okay in the long run. I just would not like it to turn into a permanent problem

From skimming over this thread it really looks like the problem is anxiety because OP cares way too much about this supposed "FWB".

If you have feelings about a FWB, either cut ties or if the other person is willing, go all in and try to have a real relationship for however long it lasts.

>>17507237
Well if you say the issue is purely you unable to achieve orgasm, that's a problem only you can solve, we don't know your body. What methods have you tried experimenting with? Have you all used toys, anal, positions etc.

>>17507231
you're welcome, I'm bored af plus im nice guy. desu it really does sound like you got feelings with this guy... but who knows, you make the choice! can I help with anything else?
can u write Gio on them? I feel like it'll make the wait more worth at least.

>>17507263
I have used toys, touching myself, and even when I masturbate now it takes forever. We've done different positions and the two times I have came I was on top facing him and the other time not facing him, but it took sooooo long. I was so sweaty and shaking after lol.

I just feel like I'm not a good lay and when im masturbate all I can focus on is how long I'm taking. I just want to feel relaxed, ya know?

>>17507284
the fuck I didn't type desu... I typed desu

>>17507284
I care about him, but I'm not gonna pursue anything with him because I know he doesn't date. We talk about deeper shit, but I know it's just as friends and sure as soon as I get home

>>17507303
HELP. I GOT THE PLAGUE
>>17507301
then focus on what turns you on, stop caring about the orgasm, and enjoy the act. I read a book on tantric sex, it really helps put sex into perspective, it talks a lot about this kind of stuff, you might wanna read about that too. being in the moment is one of the key focusses of it.

>>17507317
What's the name of the book

>>17507301
Some people just take longer to get off. Not all of us get off shortly.

Sadly OP this is just a matter of immaturity on your FWB's side. He doesn't want you to enjoy the sex, he wants you to enjoy it in the exact way that he has in mind. He will have to learn that really caring about other people's feelings means that you care about what they want for themselves, not what you'd like them to have. If you tell him that you enjoy the sex lots and don't care whether or not you have an orgasm and he disregards that, that's not a prime example of caring about your needs.

Sadly though, given how many women fake and porn and what not, especially for an inexperienced guy it can seem like women cum as consistently and easily as men, where most cannot (from penetration at least).
I don't really see what you can do other than show him during sex how much you enjoy yourself and keep complimenting him as a lover to reassure him.

At the end of the day, he'll perceive it the way he does regardless of your experience, and this sounds like a lot of headache for a simple FWB. If you lose him, tough shit, you've done all you can do as far as I'm concerned.

>>17507339
That's a new problem for me. Before him I could cum 3 times in 5-10 minutes and now I take like 15. The masturbation part didn't become a problem until I started focusing on how it bugs it him

>>17507309
> I'm not gonna pursue anything with him because I know he doesn't date
so you care about him as more than a friend, but it's not a big deal to be together with him, or you care about him, and that's why you don't wanna fuck things up by saying you want to be with him?

maybe "ty Gio" would make me feel more apreciated though,

>>17507356
>>17507370
>>17507332
there's 3000 milion books on tantric sex, and they all talk about the same thing, so just get any, even ebooks, and you'll be fine believe me.
also, I seriously got a clit vibrator for my ex, as a kinky roleplay, and we used it like fucking crazy during sex, it really shortens cum times if you wanna take the "still got issues in sex but I cum like crazy" route. I'd advise reading that book and getting the vibrator, both are fucking awesome.

>>17507356
People change as they get older. That's life.

>>17507370
I honestly try not really think about that too much

And I have big nipples so I apologize in advance

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>>17507430
>big nipples

what a keeper

>>17507430
sounds to me like you're scared of what your own emotions might be towards him. hope everything works out for you, you sound like a sweetheart.

I like big nipples :) who fucking doesn't.

>>17507430
so did u dump the thread or what?