Dealing with lovers "needing" me

It's pretty immature, honestly.

If what you truly want is someone to lust for, but never need you, you're missing the point of intimacy altogether.

You're looking for 2 player masturbation, get, not any real form of romantic connection, just because dependency is unattractive?

To sat they "need" you doesn't imply a lack of autonomy on their decision to spend time with you, it just means tht they choose to make you a priority - it's an expression of vulnerability, yes, but it's not hypnosis

>>17504851
Say*

>>17504851
Choosing to make someone a priority is one thing, relying on someone for financial/emotional support is something very different.

>>17504894
Yes but relying on one another for emotional support (financial is another matter) is a natural evolution of a romantic relationship. This doesn't imply that it's the sole reason you spend time with one another, it's an emergent property of the growing passion you have for one another.

If you automatically pump the brakes before this can happen you're ultimately settling on a superficial fling, and are limiting your options

>>17504798

You need to change your perspective on the issue. I assume it's almost a "fear of commitment" since you'd probably feel trapped/get an idea that the relationship is on some form of a slippery slope and you start relinquishing stuff you don't want to for their sake (beyond like compromising for more quality time or whatever).

Some people just need that stability and accountability because their idea of a successful relationship is a little different to yours. I absolutely understand that your perspective is that you deal with the day-to-day & so long as there's no red flags coming up you can assume your relationship is solid for the time being & that's all that matters to you. That's fine.

But other people don't necessarily see relationships that way. There's a lot of emotional investment & vulnerability involved, so people tend say shit like "I love you/I need you" etc. to show that they want that.

No, you're not weird for wanting a little space when it comes to relationships, and contrary to what >>17504851 has said it's not wholly immature. However, dependency comes hand-in-hand with being with someone for a while because of how propinquity & intimacy works, so if your issue is that people do this sort of stuff to you after a few months of being together then yeah you ought to reevaluate what the relationship means to you.

I do think you should word yourself better and id this keeps being an issue with people you date you might be better off being single for a while or at the very least say early on that you're gonna need a little space.

There are lots of people with different personalities so naturally there are people similar to you, it's a matter of trial and error of finding them. I dunno the method of meeting the perfect person first try so I can't help you out there.