Just caught my girlfriend reading through my phone notes. I'm

>>17495785
Total breach of trust man. sounds unhealthy to me

>>17495785
>lying
>minimizing the action
>shifting blame
It's manipulation, which leads to
>manipulating
She is the captain of the Red Velvet ship.

>>17495791
She just walked back in and I decided to get a note I wrote about her up, one I was going to show her eventually as she is quite upset now (crying, she won't say at what). It was about our love, essentially.

I said "I want you to read this" and she just looked at me and said "No, you've told me not to look through your notes - I'll do as I'm told" which was childish af.

She just said "just looking at you makes me cry", but smiled a lil'.

F U C K.

There's no way of knowing if she's done it or will do it. Do you have a passcode lock on your phone? You might feel like you shouldn't have to do that, but at least you know you'll be the only one to read your personal stuff

>"No, you've told me not to look through your notes - I'll do as I'm told"
What you did was a little manipulative, anon. Either let her read your shit or not

>>17495814
Maybe what I said was bad, but it was a poem I was eventually going to show her.

There's a difference between passing her a phone with something written on it that she can read and allowing her free access to my notes. Showing her a note doesn't mean she can read all my shit. If someone shows me a text on their phone it doesn't mean I can read through their entire message history. y'know?

I understand where you're coming from, though.

>>17495806
my girlfriend does the same thing and it makes me want to strangle her. childish, immature argumentative attitude and total refusal to open up or calmly talk about her feelings. I'm sorry man, it's frustrating

>>17495829
She said her tears are due to frustration at herself and the "affirmative" way I spoke to her.

ahh

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Tell her you're going to get dinner for you two, come back and toss her a can of baby food and say "because you want to behave so childish"

>>17495852
what does that even mean?

>>17495829
>>17495852
Yall need to man the fuck up. Women need a firm wake up call every now and then itherwise they'll just be hysterical. You need to be asserive with her and not back down. If she over reacts to that escalate (not yelling or other things like that just tell her to go for a walk).

You really need to just grow up. Women will be like this, and if you can't handle that then you two aren't compatible.

>>17495852
To be fair, I am a girl and sometimes I cry because I did something wrong and it's not for you to be sorry for yelling and being mad at me, but because I really feel sorry for doing it and being an idiot. So I cry. I'm an emotional person, can't really help myself.
I'm not saying she's not doing it to manipulate you, but yeah... not all of us do it for attention.

>>17495949
but if I was mean to you (only because I'm worried and upset and taking it out on you. not saying it's right but that's what I did), and I tried to be sweet to you and tell you I love you and that I care so much about you and all those nice things, would you push me away and refuse my help?

>>17495946
stupid advice. being controlling to an independent girl will push her away.

green>She gets on paranoid side sometimes.

It seems as if she is searching for something as if you are cheating on her or maybe she is being insecure about something she has done in the past and is looking to get back at you?

>>17495967
No, I wouldn't.
I mean, even if she was being a little manipulative, trying to get you to be kind to her (it worked, so) that doesn't mean you should break up or that it's a huge flag. It's just something to work on.

If you REALLY feel like you were in the wrong (which I kinda think you were, just my opinion, I like having 100% honesty in a relationship) then just accept that you fucked up. BUT if you still think you did the right thing, don't fucking confuse both of you by saying sorry all of a sudden. Stand by your opinion. That is the only way she will learn and won't be able to manipulate you with a few tears everytime she does something wrong.

>>17495949
My girlfriend is very sensitive, so this is probably what happened.

I just don't like how she lied. Doubt is now entering the relationship, y'know? Over something so dumb, too.

>>17495970
>my gf is reading through private things on my phone and throwing a fit even though I asked her not too
>I'm being controlling to an independent woman

Only the most staunch progressives would see that as being "controlling." Jesus, I didn't tell him to not let her out of the house. He just needs to calm her down and people only calm down when taken out of a situation.

>>17495984
I mean if my boyfriend told me "don't go through my phone" I would be paranoid too. Just past experience, I guess.
I give my bf my phone and FB and tell him to look (he doesn't, because he trusts me, and I think one reason for that is because I give my accounts soo freely). If I have nothing to hide, I won't hide anything. Plain and simple.

>>17495992
That is your problem now. Doubting the whole fucking relationship over "this is my first time reading your notes" lol. That is kinda childish. I mean yeah she lied, but cmon don't tell me you never told a little lie just not to start drama?

>>17495992
Btw lol, I know this is totally stupid but sometimes I say shit I don't mean just because I kinda panic. Maybe that's why she said this is the first time and then she felt like she has to go all the way?
I kinda look at it as "hey did I wake you up?" "Noooo you didn't!" but you really did... lol.

>>17496004
There's a difference between 'doubt is entering the relationship' and 'doubting the whole relationship' you know.

And even if it was the latter, OP would have some justification seeing how he explicitly asked her not to read the notes. It's like, basic decency to follow that simple request.

>>17495785
You are totally right to be angry, she did something you told her not to. Her being mad is probably a test to see if she can manipulate you. What you should do is to pull away while both of you are angry and then when you are relaxed explain to her in a loving way why are those notes so important to you, and ask her what made her angry about the situation

>>17495989

I don't really think this is an honesty issue, just a lack of communication issue. Writing is a very private thing for some people (think of all the people who use journals to process their feelings). Sometimes we get embarrassed by our little notes (or doodles for artists) because it was something that we needed to get out at that moment but not something you want people to see. Like if I suddenly felt like writing a gruesome murder scene with graphic descriptions, but I wouldn't show someone because they might think I'm weird, or perhaps an intense love scene that my SO might think is about someone else because the character does not resemble them.

I used to draw sexy/sexual pictures of different characters when I was feeling amorous and I wanted to kill myself when my ex would flip through my notebooks, even when I asked them not to, because I feared that they would make fun of me or judge me. I needed them to respect my boundaries to BUILD the trust I needed to see before I showed them my work willfully. My current relationship respected that, and eventually I let them see my work.

As for OP, I think >>17495949 had it right for the reason for her current behavior. Sometimes women are mad at themselves and cry and need to be left alone to process what happened. I think you do need to be upfront with why you don't want her reading your notes (besides the respecting boundaries reason). Explain how you feel when someone reads something that isn't "finished." I do encourage you to share completed writings with her from time to time (right after a fight about her looking through your stuff is a very bad time to do this btw), because she is interested in what goes on in your head and your ideas. Let her see some of the fruits of these notes. Who knows, maybe you'll get some ideas from her or have an editor.

>>17495785
>I've told her not to look, she looks
>She denied it
>She got angry when admitting it
She sounds paranoid, and she sound angry. Not just angry that she got caught but angry to her paranoia didn't pay off.
Not say you should break up with her, but I'm say you are pretty reasonable.

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OP here,

She just apologised, said she was just curious. She regrets "having crossed that line" in our relationship "over nothing". I told her I accepted her apology, I understand why she was curious, but not to do it again.

She was a bit miffed because I hinted that her snooping alluded to paranoia over something, tho. She said she would always be honest about that.

I guess we've cooled off, for now. Just sucks on the whole, tho.

>>17495806
I'm sorry anon
Your girlfriend is a baby