miserably married

>>17492192

Yes.

How old are you two? Why did you get married in the first place?

>>17492192
why the fuck did you marry a jobless individual?

>>17492192

No.

Being a single mom will be very bad for your children.

Your eventual remarriage is also highly likely to fail also.

Your children will only ever know broken relationships. They will also marry badly and get divorced. Your endless series of boyfriends are more likely to abuse, murder, or sexually assault your kids.

There are no absolutes, of course, this is just what the data says is highly likely to happen.

Perhaps you and your kids will be outliers.

(but don't bet on it)

Sorry your husband is a loser.

Unless he has a mental condition, his loser-dom doesn't have to be permanent.

Why does he not work? What were your mutual expectations about how life would be prior to getting married? Did you have kids before or after getting married?

>>17492192
This is bait but why are there so many women here in an 8 year marriage/relationship? It's the most common number, bigger than 5, i see.

>>17492263
Fuck! I wish it was bait.
>>17492237
>I've thought about those things a lot. We fight a lot. do I just stick it out until the best of the bunch are out of high school?
>>17492236
Cause we had a kid.cause I was lonely. thought he would change and step up and get a job.
>>17492225
I'm 30 he is 35. we got married cause I had shit self esteem at the time.

>>17492263
And all the women are in an 8 year relationship cause that is when we get fed up with all the shit we shovel.

>>17492237
He doesn't work because i make it hard for him to get a job. because i work all day and cant drop everything so he can go to a job interview.
and because i apparently make enough to support us all. he doesn't even like talking to people. he has no friends.

>>17492192
If he doesn't work how do you support yourself?

You could try talking to a divorce lawyer. If you're employed and taking care of the kids odds are you'd get custody. Divorce tends to be very messy and it'll be hard to find another husband now that you have kids.

>>17492308
I support us. I make about 23 an hour and 35 on OT and I have GREAT benefits.

>>17492307

how does you working prevent him from going to job interviews? Does he watch the kids or something? Does he not have transportation to job interviews?

I think all of these problems have solutions. There are drop-in child care situations. He can call a cab.

Many men would be absolutely miserable in your husbands situation. I don't know him or his particulars, and he may not even realize it himself.

Marriage is supposed to be eternal. Not just "when things are going pretty well". The only allowable reasons for divorce are infidelity or abuse - and both aren't "you must get divorced" situations; couples can heal even these terrible injustices if they are so inclined.

It seems like there's a lot of converations that you two have had that you're not sharing yet here.

_Why_ doesn't he have a job? How does he feel about it? What have you told him about how you feel about it?

I saw your other replies, and anon...get out.

Too many women stick with a lazy slob because of their children.
Other anon said the whole bullshit about your children never seeing a functioning relationship/everthing else will fail afterwards, but that's not true.
Truth is, your children now have a father that doesn't get his ass up.
They see their mother is doing all the work.
Sooner or later they will realize that there is something wrong.
A father like that isn't a good role model either.

This is YOUR life too, anon.
Do you really want to wait 18+ years till you can live again?
Do you think your children would like to hear in 20 years that you sticked with someone who made you miserable your whole life, just for them?

How old are your children?
What does he do in the household at all?

In case your children are old enough you might be able to talk to them about it.
If you raised them well they will understand that mommy is a living being that deserves to be happy too.
Of course a divorce is never great, for nobody, but that doesn't mean you need to spend most of your life being utterly miserable.
Good luck.

Divorce him. He's a piece of shit who's going to ruin your kids.

>>17492307
So he's just a loser. You could try marriage counseling first then look into the process of a divorce. If your legal track record shows you do the heavy lifting in the family courts would favour you.

Does he take care of the kids (stay at home Dad) at all, or does he just sit around at home and do nothing? If it's the later and it's been like that for 8 years he's unlikely to change, but you could try leaving hints that either he changes or you want a divorce. I'd look into the legal process beforehand since you might have to try separating from him and getting custody of the kids if he doesn't cooperate. There's also managing things like housing. Do you leave or does he sort of thing.

He'll probably take it poorly and it won't be easy on your kids either. If he's around your kids more than you he might fill their heads with poison about you, just FYI. Even if you wait until they're older divorce will always be messy.

>>17492344
I do agree with the other anon though, we need a little more information.
Did you confront him?

I have to say though, the fact he sees nothing wrong in what he's doing is really bad.
It's not your job to get him up and go working.
It's not your job to ask him to help.
He should sit there and think to himself "this is my family, my wife, my children. It's my duty, as much as it is hers, to do as much as possible to make this work".
The fact he doesn't is already a big, big warning.

>>17492344
My kids are 8, 6, and 3. He straightens up (not clean) and cooks sometimes but more often than not its dressed up frozen pizza. And he drives me to work so he can have the car.

>>17492343
He does do that ( watch the kids) but its really not watching the kids its more like just making sure they don't die while in his care and the two older ones just started school today.He lets the baby run around in pissy pants and let him get into shit and then says its my fault for having belongings.

>>17492344
> mommy is a living being that deserves to be happy too

This is such horseshit.

Teaching this to your children is literally telling them "hedonism is great, and fuck responsibility, fuck ever having to deal with temporary unpleasant situations."

Your ideas are cancer.

>>17492365
Tell him he either needs to do full house wife stuff or get a job. Those are his two options, he has no excuse to not be doing at least one. If he can't do either, tell him you're not interested in being his mother any more. As he is he's a burden on the family. If he left you could use the money you waste to take care of him and probably hire a nanny/ get daycare.

>>17492350
We did marriage counseling back in like 2009 the church said it was my fault for not being more accommodating( not religous, it was just cheaper to go to the church at the time)
I've brought up divorce but he says its just the Bi-polar talking ( i'm medicated) he is insanely jealous and thinks i fuck anything that walks.

>>17492378

does he understand that there are health and development problems that come from not dealing with diapers?

when you're home, make him change diapers. watch him do it; tell him how to do a better job of it. Many men didn't grow up doing this; they literally feel stupid doing it, on top of not wanting to do it.

But many men can rise to the occasion when they believe that something is important to do and do well.

Your husband probably believes he is useless. So he's acting useless.

There could possibly be some merit to your husbands argument about house proofing. Does he have the authority to change things around in the house to make it more baby proof, or have you asked him not to do that?

>>17492392
If it's been 8 years of this it's not going to get any better. If you really want 20 or so more years of this until your youngest likely leaves it's up to you, but I'd prioritize your own health and your children's over him.

He's not doing his duty as a man or as a father, it's not your job to baby him like he's a stubborn child and train him like a dog. You're literally married to an /r9k/ NEET from the sounds of it.

>>17492383
It's kind of not temporary though HE HAS NEVER HAD A JOB.
and it's not fuck responsibility. I get up and go to work EVERYDAY , I do homework after school, bathe them and get shit ready for the next day. I pay the bills and i don't bitch about it.
That's Responsibility.

>>17492394
It's not diapers. mostly he is potty trained and just gets distracted and forgets to go pee.

>>17492383

You are a fucking idiot. The best way to raise kids is to have the best relationship you can with your spouse.

What do you is worse for a child, not making it to violin lessons or watching their mother and father yell and scream with one parent walking out of the house? Happy parents means happy kids, you asshat. Anyone that's tried to raise a family will tell you the exact same thing.

>>17492321

Sounds like modern feminism is working out.

Good for you for taking on traditional gender roles.

"He doesn't work because i make it hard for him to get a job. because i work all day and cant drop everything so he can go to a job interview. and because i apparently make enough to support us all. he doesn't even like talking to people. he has no friends."

Sounds like every housewife I've ever known.

Yeah, bearing the burden of supporting a household sucks, doesn't it? Now, just imagine if he cheated on you, and still kept the house and kids because he is the primary child caretaker, and moving the kids would be "traumatic" to their feelings.

>>17492299
I was talking about 8 specifically; why not 7 or 9 or 6? It's always 8.
Something happened in 2015/6, something happened.

>>17492349

Stay at home Dad
Mom is bread earner

>ruin your kids

This is toxic masculinity at it's worst.

Don't you know it's 2016?

>>17492344

Too many MEN stick with a lazy slob because of their children.
Other anon said the whole bullshit about your children never seeing a functioning relationship/everthing else will fail afterwards, but that's not true.
Truth is, your children now have a MOTHER that doesn't get his ass up.
They see their FATHER is doing all the work.
Sooner or later they will realize that there is something wrong.
A MOTHER like that isn't a good role model either.

This is YOUR life too, anon.
Do you really want to wait 18+ years till you can live again?
Do you think your children would like to hear in 20 years that you sticked with someone who made you miserable your whole life, just for them?

How old are your children?
What does SHE do in the household at all?

In case your children are old enough you might be able to talk to them about it.
If you raised them well they will understand that DADDY is a living being that deserves to be happy too.
Of course a divorce is never great, for nobody, but that doesn't mean you need to spend most of your life being utterly miserable.
Good luck.


fixed this sexist hypocritical piece of shit

>>17492463
Look dude,
I'd be more than happy to stay home, and do all the 50's house wife stuff like meet him at the door in a dress and a stiff drink and then suck his dick every night
IF
He was able to provide for us as well as I do.
I never have to worry about taking the kids to the doctor, or dentist because of my sweet as gov job benefits. There is no way he could possibly do that but any income would be nice, or even for him to leave the house and make friends at a job.
I'm just sick of listening to how he really stuck it to some asshole on the internet. I stay cause I don't want my kids to wind up on a pole.

>>17492192
Why don't you get a job, bitch?

>>17492520
Dude,
Did you actually read this or just find the words "no" & "job" and assume it was me.
I have a great job.

>>17492442
So get a divorce to be happy for the kids or stayed married and pretend to be happy for the kids?

>>17492356
I'm not a hint dropper. that is for bitches.

>>17492508
Could he maybe get a part-time job? Might be difficult with small children at home though. Also what is up with that guy discussing his trolling efforts on the web, that would be childish even for a 15 year old

>>17492540
No kidding about the trolling part.
I have a babysitter on stand-by just in case he gets a job. like I'm prepared for it like it is actually going to happen.

>>17492383
Sure.
Not wanting some adult mooch off your back, while sitting at home all the time and not caring for your kids for 10+ years = hedonism.
Got it.
And her lazy husband is not a bigger example of hedonism?

I didn't say she should pack her shit and leave him alone with the kids to live on some island in the sea.
But it's not healthy for her nor her children to be in such a situation for so many more years to come.

>>17492443
>>17492463
You sound a little bitter, anon.

Lemme rephrase my other post: too many PEOPLE stick together with another PERSON because of their children.
I worded it with female words because, well, anon is a woman.

I don't care of it's a husband or a wife who's in such a situation.
If your partner is a lazy piece of shit who doesn't do their share of the work (no matter if it's bringing in the money, taking care of the househould and children or whatever there is to do), doesn't care about their family and has no interest in changing it, by all means, sit down and think whether this is good for you and your children.

A woman who stays at home and does the household and takes care of the children is still different compared to this guy sitting on his ass and doing nothing.

This is a marriage.
Both should do their part, and not because one of them demands it but because it should be a natural thing to do.
If one is going to work it's just natural the other does its best at home.
If you both work it's just normal you organize things and do the household together.
Anon, again, it is NOT your job to make him a functioning adult.
He's not your fourth child.
Yes, it's important your children have a stable household and are happy, that still doesn't mean you need to be miserable or that he gets to live on your back.
You either kick him in the ass and he finally changes, or you leave.

>>17492291
>>17492291

>had a kid cause I was lonely
>got married because I had low self esteem

No wonder you're miserable. You make horrible life decisions because you can't be happy with yourself, and your horrible decision making makes you more unhappy. Stop trying to find a quick fix for all your problems you dumb roastie bitch. You married a lazy neet and now you're stuck with him or your kid is going to end up with single mom syndrome and your kids are going to be fucked up because mommy was an idiot.

>>17492542
Have you told him to get a job recently, maybe mention that you recently came across a good baby sitter? He might not take it too well though. In my experience the best way to make a lasting change in people is social pressure. For instance if he has some male friends that work he might feel more peer pressure to get off his ass as well. If his circle of friends consists entirely of people he meets online that is not very good. Some healthy hobbies like sports or something of the sort would maybe be good

>>17492555
Cause everyone makes great decisions at 19.

>>17492192
Everytime I mention divorce he freak out and tries to pack the kids up to take them to california.
I love my kids a whole fucking lot, I'm not scared of alimony or child support. I;m scared he will take them away.

>>17492565
A lot of people do and those people go on living with successful marriages and happy kids. Stop trying to fix yourself by adding more shit to your life when your problems are internal. 19 is plenty old enough to make good, rational decisions. You're just an overly emotional women who is just going to end up being another single mom statistic because you're stupid.

>>17492577
Jeez anon, do you really think every single mom is a bad mom?
Did mommy leave daddy and you still hate her for it, or what?

Seriously get the feeling that her husband could be a raging alcoholic who beats them into a pulp daily and you wild still go all "HOW DARE YOU LEAVING HIM".

Anon, yeah, what you did was pretty stupid.
Getting that much kids, marrying early.
There's no easy way out of this.

What do your parents/in-laws think of this?
Maybe he really needs some social pressure to realize he's being a dick.

>>17492577
HAD self-esteem issues.
WAS lonely.
My problems arent internal unless i stuff him up my ass.
People grow. He should too.

>>17492586
Oh my entire family hates him. He called my grandpa's memorial and called my gramma a lying cunt. and his family doesn't talk to him.

>>17492529
get a fucking divorce, sure the kids hurt at first but they'll get over it with time.

my parents fought all the time when i was around 9-11, with my mom struggling with depression and my dad not being able to deal with it. they separated over a decade ago and now theyre both far happier for it, and I got over it when I was around 14 as well.

Divorce doesnt ruin kids. Being in a toxic environment all the time ruins kids.

Besides, they can see through the 'stay together for the kids happiness' bullshit. Trust me.

>>17492602
Are you fucked up from it?

>>17492602
Fuck, this.
My parents got a divorce when I was already 13, but I knew something was different way before.

When I visited friends with parents who had a healthy relationship, who really loved each other I always had this odd feeling in my stomach.
Would come home and while my parents didn't scream at each other or anything I just could tell something was off.
Wasn't really surprised when it happened.

They both were mature about their divorce and I like both my step-father and step-mother, and my parents did their best to not make it a shit show.
They understood that just because their marriage ended their job as a parent did not.
And I rather see both my parents divorced than together, all miserable.
I know not every divorce goes as smoothly and that I was pretty lucky.

>>17492597
Not a really good recipe you got there.
I'd say enough people have given you proper advice here (except for that raging guy).
If there's no real chance anymore he's going to change (unlikely after 8 years) it's time to look into something different.
Being a single mom isn't easy but can be done, especially when your family might be able to help.

Curious, what would you do if he'd decide to leave?

Is he a nigger?
kukuku

>>17492649
Nope,
I don't like the blacks.
We are both as white as snow.

>>17492635

If he decided to leave?
I'd jump with joy!
It's like a heavy yoke.
Any social situation that involves the kids I have to do myself....so I look like a single parent anyways.Same thing goes for school functions.
I think it might be time.