im a 20 year old male when i was a child my older sister had

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im a 20 year old male when i was a child my older sister had sexual relations with me i was far to young at the time to clue in to the gravity of the situation but eventually i got older and realized it needed to stop and it did. but now as I'm older i realize just how much the ordeal has screwed me i can't have a normal relationship with a member of the opposite sex. hell i can barley hold a conversation. the few friends i have are convinced I'm in the closet (witch I'm not) because I'm always sheepishly turning down any hints or advances. i missed out on a lot of great opportunities because of this. i go through fazes where i just want to be alone and won't speak to anyone for weeks witch makes it hard to keep up a normal relationship as is. the only reason I'm saying any of this on here is because I'm curious if anyone else has dealt with a similar situation? and wondering what the hell u did to not have it fuck with you everyday. i honestly don't want to live the rest of my life like this so if u have any advice please share